Panthalassa: High Tide
by chiriko1117
Summary: Eva has made it through a rough year and has accepted her place in the Cullen family. Living with vampires couldn't have prepared her for the horrors that await her future. Picks up where Low Tide left off. After BD canon couples OC/Cullens
1. Attraction

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

AN: Hello and welcome! If you are new to Panthalassa I think going back to read the first story in the series (Panthalassa: Low Tide) would probably help you in understanding what is going on in this story.

If you have already read the first story I would like to give you plenty of warning. High Tide is much darker. It has a lot of extreme and violent themes. And while I try not to make it too gory, some details need to be known. So I have rated High Tide as M.

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**Panthalassa : High Tide  
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**Chapter 1 - Attraction  
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October 1st, my nineteenth birthday was the day I started recording my first song at Land Ocean records. Alice had been furious that I had refused a birthday party in lieu of starting my singing career.

To say that Branson and Greg had been surprised at my appearance in their studio just over a month ago would have been an understatement.

Alice had made me wear a long black wig, done up with a plait, green colored contacts and what would become my signature, a mask that covered the area around my eyes. Greg actually had been affronted by it, saying that selling the image was _almost_ if not more important than the music. Branson, always the quirky energetic guy, thought this gimmick would actually work out really well. Both of them, as artists, respected the fact I wanted my voice and music to be known on their own and that my personal life and my personality would have little to no bearing on my fan base.

Edward had thought up my stage name which I actually didn't initially like, but I got used to it rather quickly. was what I to be known by and the only origins that the public would ever know about me was that I was born in England and grew up in the Midwest.

Branson had taken to calling me Ann to make sure he didn't slip up. Jasper had acted as my lawyer and made the record company sign disclosure agreements. Neither Greg nor Branson were allowed to ever tell anyone my true identity. They were being paid a substantial percent of my earnings for their discretion.

The rest of my earnings were beings anonymously donated to the ASPCA. I had always had a small spot for creatures being abused. And animals didn't even have a voice. With all of that set up I had a couple other provisos that really got to Greg.

I wanted to do a throwback to the times before editing software and sound systems to help improve the quality of the songs. I wanted to record my songs in one take with the band Branson set up, which happened to be the other band signed to Land Ocean Records, the Shells. The guys in the band were really excited to work with me, and never once commented on my mask or the fact my hair changed color every other day as we worked together getting the composition right. Edward had to come in a couple days for our practices because I was having a hard time communicating the melody I wanted at the bridge of one of the songs.

One of the biggest reasons I wanted to record my songs live was that I didn't want to mislead people about what I sounded like. Eventually I would be performing in front of people in clubs and I wanted the same sound they heard in the song to be heard live.

Alice had placed herself firmly as my wardrobe and makeup artist, giddy with excitement over the future she kept seeing. Seth had volunteered to be a sort of body guard for me, as Alice foresaw massive mobs and paparazzi trying to get a single picture of me without my mask.

We finished recording the songs in the mid afternoon; we only got through the two songs we'd been practicing. We were going to start the next three I'd written. The family, although I didn't see them as often as they would like, was happy for me. Jasper kept sending me lyrics he'd written, and I'd have about 12 new songs by the time my original 11 were recorded.

I was driven vampire speed back to the main house for a small celebration. Small being the operative word, as punishment to Alice for all of her meddling I had demanded that only Esme and Bella could plan things for my party. It was a little hilarious to watch Alice squirm and make faces as she saw different outcomes for my party while she had been with me at the studio. Several times in the weeks leading up to my birthday I'd catch her frantically texting someone just after a vision. She thought she was being sneaky.

For the most part I stayed at my tiny place, Kevin and I were still together but we only saw each other twice a week, and now with me starting my recordings it might be just once a week. He wasn't happy about it. In fact we'd had a fight about how little we had been seeing each other a couple days ago. I hadn't told any of the family about it, as I felt it wasn't any of their business. But it bothered me that Kevin and I hadn't made up yet. I didn't really think of my family and I as having "made up" as I was still carrying around some residual resentment for their secrets and lies, but it was a comfortable truce.

Esme and Carlisle seemed edgy, as much as vampires could, that I hadn't really warmed back up to them. It must have been torture for them both when I kept refusing to accept the new family credit card, or stay at the house more than one night in a row.

There had been a small argument between Carlisle and myself through texts on that matter. The fight had gone on much longer than it should because I was having too much fun with it, as Carlisle couldn't call me because he was at work, and I couldn't (wouldn't) answer while I was rehearsing at the studio.

The amount of hilarity in a nearly 400 year old man arguing with an eighteen year old over the use of the family fortune through text messages was massive. Sad thing was I could tell no one why I kept giggling whenever I checked my phone. In the end though, I won. At least until I was changed I was going to live off my money. The money from my trust and whatever I'd earned from 42.

Even then it wasn't really enough, but I had never needed much. And now Alice was buying all my clothes so I barely had any expenses at all.

I got out of Alice's bright yellow X-Edison z500, and followed her into Seth's house.

Light classical music was being played, and I could see soft lighting flowing out of the windows as I approached the front door. Alice was smiling at me, in her now typical self effacing way, holding the door open.

First thing I noticed was a whole set up for a band where Seth's entertainment center usually was, and a nice black dance floor in front of it where his couches usually were. When I turned my attention away from the display in the living room I nearly laughed as all of the vampire men were wearing pop-punk and gothic wear.

"I think I already like Bella's idea of a party," I blurted out. It got a laugh from Edward, Rose and Esme.

Carlisle had his perfect blonde hair spiked into a Mohawk, and metal chains going from his ear to his lip, someone had put heavy black eyeliner on him. While all of them were wearing clothes that would have been perfect in any goth club, I wondered if the various females in the house were enjoying the looks the boys were sporting far beyond the normal enjoyment I felt. Confirming this was Alice who was openly leering at Jasper.

I wasn't sure how a vampire orgy was going to make this a birthday party-

Edward burst out laughing and bent over his knees.

"We decided to put on a concert for you Evangeline," Carlisle spoke up, possibly seeing where my imagination was going, with the way Rose was now hanging off of Emmett. Suddenly I realized we were missing two people.

"Seth and Jake are going to be here in a moment, they aren't joining our band, sadly. Jake said something about not being caught dead in eyeliner," Jasper stated.

"Which is a shame," Ren lamented coming up to my left and hooking her arm with mine, "He would look really handsome in it."

"A Native American version of Captian Jack Sparrow?" I teased, while Bella handed me a glass of something fizzy.

"If that ends up making you happy babe I would be thrilled to oblige," Jake's booming voice came from the back of the house. Both Rose and Edward started making retching noises at that, which garnered laughter from Jasper and Emmett.

I threw back a sip of the sparkling juice Bella had given me, I frowned a bit as I realized it wasn't alcoholic.

When Seth and Jake walked into the room my eyes went wide. Their usual shaggy hair was cut short and they looked almost like Native American male models ready for a runway walk in their tailored shirts and slacks.

Seth was grinning wide when he rushed over to me, only to pick me up and swing me around causing me to laugh lightly. Esme huffed slightly having watched the remainder of my drink fly out of my glass.

"It's cool Esme, this is my place, hey Jake show her how we do it here," Seth grinned and put me down. Jake threw a towel from the kitchen to Seth and Seth just put it on top of the spill, not bothering to bend over and wipe it up. This only seemed to agitate Esme more. Not cleaning something properly must really get to someone who could see individual dust pieces as they floated in the air.

"So why are the natives dressed like the mafia, and you lot are dressed like…" I left the word hang in the air as I gestured to the vampires.

"One of your favorite bands was Green Day," Jasper said factually. I didn't bother asking _how _they knew that.

"So this is a Green Day concert is it?" I asked and Emmett blurred to the drums and started hitting a solid beat.

"Damn right little sis," Jasper winked at me, and Alice mock swooned at her husband as he picked up the base. The mock swoon turned into a real one as they started playing without any introductions. I was curious if Edward or Carlisle would be singing Billie Joe Armstrong's parts. Edward had such a clear and profound voice, while Billie had a sort of nasally stuffed up singing voice that was hard to replicate.

I was awed when Edward really got into it and they opened up with "Minority". Carlisle was really shredding the guitar and my mouth was agape watching the four of them literally rock out.

Seth grabbed me by the hand and we started doing a little Irish type jig to the song, but when the next song started I screamed and ran to "mosh" with Ren, Alice, and Rose at the front of the stage.

The best part of them playing Green Day songs was the fact Edward had to curse when the lyrics caused for it. I took a glance at my sisters and saw all of their eyes had gone black with lust.

From there the evening seemed to becoming a waiting game to see which couple would think they had spent sufficient time with me on my birthday. I silently made the gamble that it would be Rosalie and Emmett. And not long after my cake had been cut and the small mound of presents opened, which much to my annoyance had been gifts of money, did I see Alice grab Jasper and disappear under the pretence of getting me more punch.

Seth and I shared a smile when Bella and Edward stole away under the pretense of going to find Jasper and Alice. Emmett and Rose didn't even bother and just grinned at me then ran off. I sighed with humor and waved my parents and Ren off.

Still tired from my long day I got up and stretched.

"Is it wrong that I am excited to go "on tour" with you when you do eventually get famous?" Seth asked crumpling up the last piece of wrapping paper I had wildly flung away from me while opening my presents.

"No. I mean I know Alice has seen it, but until it happens it kind of seems like it could just be a dream."

I strolled away from the dining room table and went back to the stage set up. I picked up the guitar Carlisle had been playing and strummed it. Seth flicked the power on for the set up and the guitar roared to life.

I indulged in a fantasy I once had when I was little, looking out from the tiny stage in Seth's living room I replaced the cream colored walls with rows and rows of fans. When I was little they had been cheering my name, but now they would be cheering some made up name, and somewhere in my brain it felt wrong. It felt like I'd be cheated. But that little fame monster was squished out when I closed my eyes and took a calming breath.

Seth gave me a cheer and I grinned at him.

The first chords of the song had been taught to me by Jasper, and I had taught it to Henry the guitarist of the Shells. But somehow, when I played it, it sounded better, clearer.

I had sung the 'Ocean' song as it had been named, well over a dozen times, and it felt renewed, like this truly was the first time this song had ever been heard by anyone. Seth was watching me, his deep brown eyes smiling warmly up at me, and it strengthened me.

When I finished he clapped and whistled for me. I curtsied and laughed when he shouted "Encore".

.~.

"Seriously though… hours?" I asked astounded.

"Well," Seth cleared his throat and took a long swig of his beer finishing it off, "Nessie and Jake do need some rest." My face contorted in disgust of its own volition, but Seth kept talking.

"The others don't really need any… so it could last from minutes to hours. Rose and Emmett have actually been known to misplace time altogether. According to Carlisle they were once gone for almost a week."

I couldn't hold back the flabbergasted laugh.

"A week with nothing but…" my words trailed off and rather than say the word I did a little pelvic thrust from my spot on the deck chair. Seth laughed at my antics and swallowed audibly before setting his now empty beer down.

"I suppose… for them it isn't hard to get lost in time when you are spending it with the one person that matters more than… anything-everything," Seth sighed.

The small amount of light leaking out from the house played on his tanned skin.

"Is that… what it's like when a wolf imprints?" I was curious. I'd never asked Seth of Jake about it.

He shrugged one shoulder, "Only Edward could tell you the differences in a vampire mating versus an imprinting. Most of my people would say that imprinting is more profound. But-" he shook his head and reached into the cooler for another beer. I wasn't about to let it go.

"But what?"

"I know how Jake feels about Nessie, how Sam feels about Emily… and it's not exactly like I don't want that but it almost seems like they are prisoners of their imprints. The imprints seem to be helpless against the devotion we wolves offer, but it-" he struggled and looked away from me again.

"Takes away their choice?" I hedged.

"Something like that. I worry that I'll imprint on a girl who is a complete moron, and I'll be helpless to see it, because she'll be my everything. If I could meet a woman and get to know her, then imprint," his gaze slowly turned back to look at me, and I felt goosebumps erupt over my arms at the way he looked at me.

"That's why you've stayed single? Ren told me you don't want what happened to your sister to happen to any other girl…"

He broke out into a large grin and leaned back in his chair.

"Emmett would have you believe I couldn't get a girl," he joked.

"Emmett is an idiot." I replied instantly.

Seth and I stared at each other for a moment.

"I heard that," I hear Emmett shouting from somewhere in the woods.

"And he sucks at playing the drums too," I continued, pretending I hadn't heard him. Seth's smile grew and he nodded seriously.

"It was the only thing we thought he wouldn't be horri-" and suddenly Seth and his chair were missing from next to me. His beer bottle landed a meter away thudding loudly on the porch.

I could see shadows on the lawn, two wolves and two pale white vampires playing with them. A small wave of nausea hit me after I realized Seth had shifted, and I turned away from the lawn to see Ren and Bella, looking more like sisters than mother daughter, watching the spectacle on the lawn.

.~.

Kevin's hands were gently caressing my lower back as he lowered us to the bed. My mouth felt fuzzy, and my head felt numb. And although I wanted this, I truly did, I felt like I was on fast forward and I couldn't slow down to enjoy the moment.

Seconds before we had been sitting on my couch, I was singing one of my new songs for him while I muddled through the chords on the guitar. The next thing I knew his full lips were on mine, his hands gently winding in my hair.

"Ange," he whispered with a low growl that had my eyes rolling back in my head with pleasure. Something about that tone made my body feel like jello.

He was ever so gentle and delicate; Kevin kept watching my eyes the entire time, to ensure his motions, his touches, were alright with me. I could have stared into his eyes all night. And with all the coaching I'd been getting from the support group, and the pep talks I'd been giving myself my body and mind were ready for him.

.~.

He held my hair when after we'd finished I ran to the toilet and vomited. I fought the tears back, my body though satisfied seemed to carry the residual stress from the last time I'd been with a man. I didn't want Kevin to think it reflected on him in any way. After all it must be a huge dent in your ego when the girl that claimed to have enjoyed your love making almost instantly runs for the toilet once the mattress stopped moving.

I rested my head against the pale porcelain of the seat and sniffled loudly. Kevin had wrapped a towel around himself, and draped another over my shaking body. His calloused hands, firm and strong, were gently massaging my back.

Telling him I was sorry would be redundant and seem like an excuse. What girl wouldn't be sorry in this situation?

When I felt better I cleaned myself off in the shower.

I was sitting on my bed wrapped in my fluffly robe waiting for Kevin to finish showering when I got a text from Ren.

_Everything alright?_

I scowled at the phone, and instead of texting Ren I texted the reason my friend knew something could be amiss.

_NO spying Alice._ I quickly sent to her. I paused a second then added: _You PERVERT._

Letting Ren know I was fine I set my phone down and laid back on my bed.

I felt… I wasn't sure how I felt. What Kevin and I had done was natural for a couple…in love. I mean I did love him. I loved being around him, he made me smile and I felt safe. But I supposed I felt dirty, or as if I wasn't myself anymore. This wasn't a normal way to feel, I was sure. Then again what was normal for a girl who'd been abused and neglected?

Kevin kissed me goodbye before he left, promising he'd see me next week. It seemed so far away.

"I'm sorry I have to go…" his whispered into my ear as we hugged by my door.

"You can't help when a foal is going to be born; it's anytime in the next week isn't it?"

"Yeah…" He sighed heavily. He looked completely regretful that he had to leave.

"You know, you could tell my mom I got sick-"

"She wouldn't believe me." I dryly chuckled, as he started swaying us back and forth.

"I wish you could come with… a whole week at the ranch. I know you'd love it." Kevin cooed enticingly.

"Your mum and dad would make me have a separate room," I stated.

"It would be like high school, sneaking around in the middle of the night. And actual romp in the hay…" he poked me playfully in the side. I leaned away and quirked a brow at him.

"I meant- like in high school as a reference to the typically assumed activities that high school students when dating-"

"Keep talking hot stuff," I poked him back now, his back pedaling was cute. He sighed and rested his forehead against mine.

"I really want you to come down," pleading now, his embrace tightened a fraction. When he slackened we each took a half step back.

"You know my recording is just getting into full swing…" I softly spoke, the anxiety working its way through my voice.

Nodding Kevin let his frown slip from his face, and his kissed me again before straightening his shoulders.

We said our goodbyes and I saw him to the front of the building before I went back inside to get an afternoon nap.

.~.

It was close to Thanksgiving when my last song was being recorded. The family had mostly left for La Push already, and I was to fly out and join them to days before the holiday. Carlisle and Esme were staying back with me. Which was a little weird, because they had arrived early in the morning at my place and as it was a sunny, but chilly autumn day, were awaiting my return. Our flight was a red eye flight so we didn't have to worry about the sparkle factor.

It'd been five months since I learned about the initial reason I became part of their family. And that wound still hurt, but it didn't bother me as much anymore. I had a life outside of them now. When I had spent those ten months with them they had been my world. And I forced myself to grow up, which looking back had been a good thing, although it had royally sucked.

The way Esme treated me was subtle, so much so sometimes it felt like nothing had happened. But when I asserted my independence and refusal to be used by them, but instead help them when I would be needed, I earned what Edward called "overwhelming amounts of respect" from both her and Carlisle.

Esme, when human had let herself be maneuvered much like a child, even in her adult years. She confessed to me one night after dinner that she didn't worry about me any longer. She knew I was made of much stronger stuff than she had been. In a way I doubted it but I wasn't about to correct her, as I she was referencing the fact she'd given up on life in a situation where she thought I would have fought onwards.

She was still my mum, but she didn't coddle me, or tuck me in (as it would have been odd since I was living in an efficiency apartment). But all the same I didn't _need_ her to be there, I wouldn't have minded her being there to say goodnight to but now text messages and phone calls fit the bill.

My relationship with Carlisle was awkward. His betrayal had stung the most, and I still got angry when I thought about how much I'd trusted him and he'd let me down. But I loved him, like only a daughter could love her father after he'd messed up so horribly. I doled out plenty of sarcasm with him, and purposefully brought up religious notions I had no education about, making grandiose remarks about faith just to see if I could get a reaction.

If I ever got into a shouting match with him it would top my list of accomplishments, above recording an album, and surviving a werewolf attack. The little monster inside of me which I mostly ignored seemed to enjoy when people that had hurt me were suffering. And on the outside it didn't look like Carlisle was suffering at all, so the monster went hungry.

Edward hadn't said anything about my inner beast reveling in goading others on, but I was pretty sure it wasn't healthy.

I was still anxious about my record, and the finishing that would be going on the week after Thanksgiving. I wouldn't be there and it drove me a little crazy. The songs were like my little children and I was letting someone else polish them up. Analogies aren't a strong suit of mine.

I should have tried to sleep on the plane, but I couldn't. Jasper picked us up, and I slid into an easy slumber once he started using his ability on me. I didn't even consider resisting.

Meeting the Quileute's for the second time a year later I saw subtle changes. Paul and Rachel's little boy was getting big and he had a sassy mouth I was sure he got from his father. Sam and Emily's boys were much more respectful; their little girl who'd just turned seven loved clinging to me. She kept calling me the 'white angel', which would have been cute if she had been younger and didn't know my full name, but as she was old enough to know better it just seemed too childish.

Charlie gave me one look over then sent a glare in the direction of Carlisle.

"I told you to look out for her," he grumped, his grey speckled beard bristling.

Bella came up to my side, "Dad, leave it. We told you about the… real werewolves." Bella's dad nodded and his brown eyes met mine before he sighed heavily.

"I did hear… I was sorry to hear about your dad," Charlie awkwardly shifted.

Shrugging I looked around those gathered before we sat down to the Thanksgiving dinner. All of the Quileute women and the imprints were shuffling around various dishes, the Cullen women helping out at a human pace.

I sat between Seth and Charlie for the meal, and it felt nice to eat with a table full of people so full of love for one another that it reminded me of the last time I was here. The Quileute's really did know how to make someone feel at home with them.

That night there was a bond fire, the vampires went off to hunt together, Ren and Jake had gone off to be with the other wolves and imprints, which left me with "the old men" as Charlie joked.

Billy taught me how to play cribbage last time and had to re-teach me, so I played with them late into the night, comfortable and full.

"Are you getting a cold Eva?" Billy's ancient voice broke me from my concentration.

"No why?" I asked, and the urge to sniffle was brought to my notice.

"You've been sniffling a lot," Charlie commented, while making his move.

"I have been pretty stressed lately, it isn't unlikely that I'd get sick, but I think Alice would have seen-you know," I thumbed my cards absentmindedly.

"Maybe after this game we should all turn in," Charlie suggested covering a yawn with a fist.

"Losing that badly huh?" Billy joked.

Charlie hurumphed and leaned forward resting his elbows on the low table we were playing at.

I lost all four games we played, no real surprise there.

I listened to Charlie's snores as I was in the guest bedroom at his and Sue's place on the Res. Sniffling I cursed the fact Billy was probably right about me being sick. I got out of bed and carefully shuffled down to the kitchen, poured myself a glass of orange juice and grabbed the Kleenex box off the coffee table before heading back to bed.

.~.

The wind was wiping and it caused chills to go up my back. It was a nice sunny day as I trudged along behind Jared and Embry. Seth was horsing around with Quil and Jake in front of us. Bella was behind me holding Edwards hand and talking quietly about god knows what. I, personally, was excited to get to try cliff jumping. From how Seth described it, it seemed like a cheap, yet fantastic thrill.

It was only cold when the wind pushed at me, almost making me wish I didn't have to peel off my coat.

Jake shouted as Quil surprised him and pushed him off the edge, my gasp was simply out of instinctual reaction to seeing somebody being pushed off a cliff.

"Did you seriously try this Bella?" I asked her. Looking in the distance along the coast I could see waves crashing violently against the rocky wall.

It looked rather like a shocking thing to willingly do, fling yourself into the ocean where so many things could go wrong. My mind was quickly changing into the "not so sure this is a good idea" category.

"I did," she sighed, and scrunched up her eyes trying to find that fuzzy human memory.

"According to Jake the waves the day Bella did it were much bigger," Edward added.

I scoffed at him mentally, and asked him if he knew Bella was crazy when he decided to marry her. He shoved me, causing Bella to raise a perfect brow at us.

"You'll be down there to catch me?" I asked unsure, carefully edging closer to where the wolves were stripping off their shirts.

"Seth already is," Edward reassured me nodding to the edge. Embry startled me when he gave a loud cry and ran from the higher spot and leapt. He looked like a tanned flesh rock hurtling through the air, and he had about as much grace as one when the waves swallowed him.

Instinctually I backed up, right into Edward.

Looking down into the water, I couldn't see Seth or Embry, OR Jake. I saw the water rushing up to me as if I was already falling and suddenly my knees hit the ground.

A buzzing noise filled my ears as I taking in deep breaths.

"Alice had said she'd be okay…" I heard Bella's concerned voice murmur.

"She said she _thought _Evangeline would be okay, she couldn't actually see around the wolves…" Edward whispered back.

Shaking my head I stood up, Bella helping me. Craning my neck out, my pony tail fell in front of me. This time I could see little things bobbing in the water. I saw Jake climbing the side of the cliff as easy as if he'd been walking.

A gust of wind and the sharp smell of salt water stung my nose and I sharply backed away again.

"Sorry," I murmured looking up into Edward and Bella's concerned faces.

"Fearless Evangeline…" Edward hummed full of humor, Bella punched his arm for me, and I gave her a crooked grin as my stomach rolled when I heard some violent waves below crash against the stone again.

"An Angel that is afraid of heights," Edward mused.

"It's not the height," I breathed, then closed my eyes to calm myself, "It's the falling."

..~..

..~..

AN: Beginning of the second arch of Eva's life with the Cullen's. Now she is on the path to become a famous singer, I wonder how she'll handle the fame?

V

V

V


	2. Getting There

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

AN: Hello and welcome! If you are new to Panthalassa I think going back to read the first story in the series (Panthalassa: Low Tide) would probably help you in understanding what is going on in this story.

If you have already read the first story I would like to give you plenty of warning. High Tide is much darker. It has a lot of extreme and violent themes. And while I try not to make it too gory, some details need to be known. So I have rated High Tide as **M.**

..~..

**Panthalassa : High Tide  
><strong>

**Chapter 2 _ Getting There  
><strong>

..~..

Early December had the entire family excited, and I could hardly realize that the future Alice had seen was coming true. Branson was releasing, or in terms I understood giving, one song from my new album up to regional radio stations. He was cautiously optimistic about their listening and playing it. The moment he had decided to send the song out Alice smiled brightly at me and nodded once. As if to say "it was done".

The snow ball had started rolling on the 4th of December and Branson kept me updated as far as he knew. But my sources were far more advanced than his. I was by my phone when Branson called brimming with excitement over an interview request he'd just received from a station in Chicago. Alice told me to keep the next week free, which I did at a little bit of a personal cost.

"Kev, it's just one week," the pleading tone in my voice was obvious.

"I know, but its one week now, what happens when you get way more famous? You won't have any time for me." He said seriously, there was no real tone of complaint just frustration from him.

I shifted my phone to the other ear as Alice looked at me from the corner of her eye. I was sitting in my old room back at the main house; my desk was cluttered with notes from Alice about dates, and people she'd kept seeing. Ren was sorting through the notes with Alice to get a time table set up, the two of them pretending to give me privacy as Kevin and I argued about when we'd have our next date.

Watching Ren and Alice pointing at numbers and stuff and looking over all the things Alice had written down for my benefit, made me realize exactly how much she'd been working on my future.

"Ange, I get it… I'm not upset," I ignored Alice shaking her head, hearing what he'd said, and turned my back completely on them almost wanting to leave my room.

"Are you in town Thursday?" I asked, remembering vaguely he had to bring some horses into the city for the season.

"It'll be a long day…" he sighed.

"Come over after you're done… I'll-um-cook something," the needy-ness in my voice felt a little weird.

His charming laugh came through and I heard him sigh, "You'll cook me something?"

"Yes," I said confidently, "I promise it won't be toast."

"Thursday night then, your place. It will be after nine I am sure."

"See you then Kev," I smiled, thinking of him on the other end of the line.

When we'd hung up Alice's china doll like face had an innocent look of pleading on it. Ren sighed slightly exasperated and nudged her aunt in the ribs.

"So who is when?" I asked triumphantly.

"KTRR 100.5 Max Riffler is tomorrow at nine am, that's live. Then and internet interview with NewsOwl at eleven, I have your outfit picked out. Here are the questions she's written so far, of course they may change depending on your answers," Alice's tiny hand thrust a piece of paper at me. I took it and it looked like a doodle with lines going random places to random words, I couldn't make heads or tails of it.

Ren giggled at my puzzled expression and flipped the paper around. There was a list of twenty questions on the back.

There was a knock at my door as I sat on the corner of my bed looking over the questions.

"Girls," Esme asked, poking her head into my room, "Would you like to go to the store with me, I have to get more flour for the loaves I am making for the soup kitchen." I nodded without looking up, still stuck on how I would answer; What has been your greatest musical influence?

.~.

We had fun racing the carts around the store and banging them into one another, Esme for the most part just scowled at Ren and I. She probably liked seeing me laugh so she didn't really want us to stop horsing around.

There was a new cherry flavored kitkat out for the holiday special and I picked out a couple packs, thinking of how much Kevin liked fake cherry flavored things.

Alice had declined going so she could mark everything important on the calendar she'd pinned to my wall as I was leaving. Esme got a text while we were putting the last of the bags in the car and I blinked, shocked, at the radiant smile she had on after reading it.

"Must be a mid shift love text from Carlisle," I mock whispered to Ren as we got into the car.

Esme rolled her eyes and Ren chuckled lightly.

We had gotten about four blocks away from the store when Esme turned the radio on.

"You've just heard "Practical Advice" and their new song "Getting it Down"… Priding ourselves at KNRB with bringing you the latest in new music we have a rather interesting new artist that just sent us a single from her up and coming album "Life", she is calling herself Anonymous. So let's have a listen. This track is called "Long Way to Crawl", brand new music, brand new artist on Star 104.7 KNRB."

My mouth had been hanging open since I heard my albums name being spoken on the radio. Ren and Esme both started cheering and squealing I didn't hear the beginning of the track, even though I knew it from heart I shushed both of them. Glee and happiness were brimming from their eyes as they watched my reaction from the passenger seat. Ren was leaning forward her short hair brushing my shoulder as she reached to turn the music up.

I stared blankly at the radio; as if my ears were lying and I had to be sure it wasn't just playing in my head. I had heard my voice played back to me before, but it felt like someone else's when it was coming through the radio.

Esme had pulled over at some point so we could listen to the song, I managed to look away from the consol long enough to see a tiny graceful smile on her face, her eyes closed and her caramel hair falling over her shoulders as her head rested on the headrest.

The song ended and all three of our phones started ringing.

We laughed and picked them up; Esme got Carlisle, who had been listening at the hospital.

Ren got her mom who was at the house with everyone minus Jake who was at work.

I got Greg.

He was brimming with complements and had said he'd been answering phones all afternoon about my album and with questions of when it was being released.

The happy glow lasted the whole evening as we celebrated my actually being on the radio. I wondered if every artist had this dawning of awe when they had seen the fruits of their labor put in front of the public, and the public enjoying it.

Alice drove me home; Jasper came with, not wanting to part from the emotional upswing or Alice for very long. They were staying in a hotel with for the night anyway to help me get ready for the busy few days ahead of me.

.~.

My throat was dry from talking an excessive amount. After what Greg had called a mild success he and Branson had sent the song out to stations further away, and encouraged me to play some local venues to get the word out.

Alice assured me that if I didn't play local shows I'd still garner a lot of attention.

Thursday Alice had fixed a strawberry blonde wig on my head and left my eyes their normal color, the mask was made of soft silk and the color of cream. I wasn't as nervous as I probably should have been.

We had logically thought about the possibility that eventually paparazzi would try to photograph people around me to try and link when I wasn't in my costume with my "handlers" which led to a different tactic. Seth, my everyday body guard would be with me when I was normal. Alice would always sneak in ahead of me so she could do my makeup for interviews she saw coming my way.

This particular interview was for a manager that would serve dual purpose as an agent. Alice had used their connections in the fashion industry to find a top grade agency in Chicago. Edward had sent me a message to make sure to knock Alice down a notch somehow as she was giddy with the potential she had with my career.

I was alone in the office after having given my stage name to the snotty chubby receptionist. To his defense it looked like he was rather harassed with phone calls constantly, and was alone at the desk for the twenty minutes I sat there.

Josey Mark was to be my manager; her most defining feature was her bust, which I took a moment to consider if they looked real or not. She had sharp features, a long pointy nose, a beauty mark on her angular jaw line, and pencil thin eyebrows the same burnt red of her hair.

For her sharpness in tone as well as personality I found myself drawn to her.

"You were recommended to me by a colleague?" she asked after our brief introduction, then she gestured for me to follow her to her office.

"Yes," I hesitated.

"Well… Your name is 'Anonymous'? Or is that just your group or band name? I am sorry, I was barely given twenty minutes to prepare for this-" we had reached her office. It wasn't as grand as the rest of the agency.

"It's my stage name. I prefer-" I paused nodding while sitting when she offered some sparkling water. "To keep my private life private."

Josey gave a small chuckle, "Good luck with that. Well, I'll help where I can. I am just in PR at the moment but the aboves," she gestured with the bottle to the ceiling, "Said that this was the only chance for a promotion I was likely to get for a while."

Not sure what to say to that I accepted the bottle and drank it greedily.

We discussed in basic terms my goals, my reasons for keeping things private and her wage through her company would be turned into the 10% I was making off of everything that wasn't direct sales of my album or songs there-in. She wasn't a lawyer and neither was I so we both just worked through the small amount of paper work Jasper had drawn up for us.

She seemed excited to work with me, although there was a hint of doubt as to whether a funny looking girl with a mask over her eyes was going to actually help her pay for her husband's knee surgery.

I left a copy of the song they were playing on the radio with her.

.~.

Running up the stairs I felt winded as I reached my floor. I had seen Kevin's car outside, and he had texted me about five minutes before about arriving. My lungs were burning from the cold winter air and then the sudden warm air from my building.

Kevin opened my door and gave me a look of amusement and wasn't ready for me to throw myself into his arms.

We stumbled backwards into my place and I noticed how tired his eyes looked.

"Ange, I am really exhausted, can we just order pizza or something?" Was his greeting to me.

I had actually hoped to get home in time to make him something, but Branson and Greg kept me at the studio for a long time interviewing people that would be traveling with me to play as my band. But I didn't let his tone or attitude dampen the mood I was in.

"I'll order it, if you wanna cuddle on the bed while we wait?" I asked. Kevin gave me a weak tired smile before hugging me close, and purposefully smelling my hair and nodding.

"Sounds perfect," he sighed and let me go to lumber over to my bed and lay horizontal over it.

After I ordered the pizza I sat at his side and ran my fingers through his short black hair, paying notice to his winter boots by the door, a puddle of water surrounded them and had me scowling.

I got up to mop up the water with a towel, and he shifted to watch me.

"Sorry, forgot." He reasoned and let out a large yawn again.

When I crawled back on to the bed he pulled me on top of him. And suddenly he didn't seem as tired as he had when I came in. Especially the part I felt stiffening on my leg.

The first time we'd made love had been very hard for me, emotionally and physically. The times after were of a much more casual and easy variety, and I found myself feeling proud that I could let him touch my breasts and not cringe away. His soft moans while kissing me lead me to believe we would be spending the time before the pizza arrived doing what he called "Advanced cuddling".

.~.

Kevin ended up spending the night and I was still absconded in the sheets, legs intertwined with Kevin's when my alarm went off. Kev grunted in disapproval, and I hit the snooze.

The apartment was silent for a minute where I snuggled deeper in the linens. Then Kev and I both abruptly moved.

"Fuck!" He swore, lunging himself sleepily from the bed towards the bathroom. I sat there pulling the blankets up further, as his absence from the bed took the majority of the heat with him. My hair felt matted and when I checked it was a mess.

My phone rang and I reached for it seeing Jaspers name on the screen I picked it up.

"Hello?" I whispered, so that Kevin didn't hear me talking.

"Hello," Jasper whispered back just as conspiratorially. "Can you let me in, I know you are awake."

_Shit_, I thought and wrapped the blanket around me tighter.

"Yeah sure, I'm just-running a bit late," I murmured as I stumbled out of bed and knocked into my dining room chair, causing the pizza box to fall onto the floor.

Kevin came back in the room as I was hanging up with Jasper. He had his boxers on and was hurrying to put his pants on. I quickly threw my long sleeve night shirt on, and my pajama bottoms, all the while wondering why Jasper had felt the need to come up now. He was with Alice and she-_goddammit!_

Just as the realization hit me about the situation a sound knocking noise broke through Kevin's and my rush to get ready.

Kevin threw me a confused glance.

"My brother is here to take me to breakfast…" I sighed gesturing to the phone. The breakfast part was a lie, but now that I'd said it I wanted it, so I would have to guilt Jasper into treating me.

"Your brother?" he whispered both excited, and worried. The reason for the worry was clear to me, he had never met any of my family, and they way I talked about them made the boys seem very protective. He was excited for the same reason he was worried. He had wanted to meet any of my family since we had started dating. Even though he knew I was adopted and Jasper, Edward, and Emmett were only my adopted siblings Kevin still thought it'd be nice to hang out and make good with the family.

"Which one?" He asked after I nodded.

"Jasper," I stated, letting the aggravation and frustration from waking up late slide from me. Most likely due to his ability, even through the door it was affective.

"He's the one that taught you how to play, right?" Kevin asked while pulling on the clean white shirt he'd brought with him.

I grinned at him and nodded enthusiastically while I went to the door and opened it. Jasper was standing there looking like a super model, blonde hair poking out from the knit cap he had on. He had on fine black leather gloves and high black leather boots. He was holding two steaming cups of, well one was definitely coffee.

"Took you long enough," he said with some frustration in his tone.

Great, he was going to act like a human and although I should have expected it, it would be a weird thing for me to witness.

"Sorry I was-" I was cut off by the look Jasper gave me when he "spotted" Kevin.

"Whoa-I'm sorry, I didn't know you had company," Jasper teased, shifting on his feet in awkwardness I was sure he didn't feel.

Kevin grinned wide as I ushered Jasper in. I gestured to Kevin.

"Jasper this is my boyfriend Kevin. Kevin this is my brother Jasper." Kevin took the two steps closer extending his hand, I took the cup tray from Jasper while he shook Kevin's hand.

"The one on the left is your tea Eva. The other was… do you drink coffee Kevin?" After shaking Kevin's hand Jasper took off his hat and shook out his hair.

Kevin blinked, overwhelmed by Jasper's appearance.

"I-do, but that's-" Kevin began while I offered him the other cup tentatively taking a sip from mine.

"He can get another one," I said blankly, and Kevin saw the annoyance in my eyes and gave me a peck on the cheek while taking the cup.

"If you're sure…" he hesitated and Jasper shrugged, now taking off his gloves and looking around my place like a human might. I saw his nostrils flare a couple times while we talked as Kevin was finishing getting ready.

Kevin paused looking over my shoulder before he kissed me good-bye.

"It was nice meeting you Jasper," his kind voice called as he waved to my brother before he nodded to me and kissed me on the scar by my left temple and left.

I closed my door and waited a beat before turning to look at Jasper who was playing with a pen as he sat at my table.

"This place is tiny."

"It's just fine." I shot back while I gave him the full force of my annoyance.

Jaspers mischievous smirk grew on his face.

"That boy-"

"Kevin." I corrected while I picked up my dirty clothes from around the room, and cracked the window by him. The instant freezing air made me shiver.

"He had some very interesting emotional currents…" the leading way he spoke didn't bait me. I turned to grab a pair of slacks and a blouse before heading into the bathroom to get ready.

"So what do you want for breakfast then, sister?" he called through the door.

Chuckling I finished washing my face and started putting lotion on when I opened the door again.

"Crepes, the best in Chicago, aaaand eggs." I poked him in the chest as he stood up.

"Well do you think breakfast can wait a little while; there was something I'd wanted to discuss with you?"

Scratching my arm and the scars on it I gave him a laxly curious look.

"It's about Adam."

That brought me to sit on my bed. Jasper sat next to me and started explaining what his searching had yielded.

Adam Kenneth MacAvoy was the younger of two children. I had an Aunt named Rachel, who had three boys all around my age. And it struck me as weird while Jasper explained to me that I had cousins, that if Adam hadn't become a werewolf, I might be calling them cousin to their faces. I wondered a bit what they looked like as Jasper went on about where the MacAvoy's lived.

My Grandma and Grandpa were alive, living just outside of Edinburgh in a city called Bingham to the east. My Grandpa was semi retired and owned an auto repair, where my Uncle-in-law also worked.

My Grandpa's name was Kenneth.

According to the social networking sites Jasper hacked into, far back in their histories I might add, he found that the MacAvoy's had known my mum, although Jasper had concluded through my mum's things that she and her in-laws didn't get along.

They were unlikely to know of my existence because Adam stopped talking to his family when he moved down to London to be with my mum. And as far as Jasper knew they thought he was alive out there living with my mum somewhere.

Curiosity filled me, and I day dreamed of going to Scotland and going to see my family. They were real blood relatives that I could get to know, that could love me. Maybe I looked like my Aunt, or maybe my male cousins were just as good singers. Random fantasies played out in my mind while Jasper had talked.

What would their reactions to meeting me be? Could I actually go there? What kind of wounds would that open up for them?

Then reality hit when Jasper paused in the conversation taking my emotional state in.

"I'll- I'll never get to meet them…" I sighed forlornly.

His frown was all I needed to see to confirm it.

"No one would stop you from going to find them Eva. This is your decision, and no matter what all of us would stand behind whatever you decide to do with this information," his loving tone grounded me.

"You may have really hurt me, Jasper," I said in reference to the lies, "But you-" I looked him in the eyes their bright gold told me of his precautions for being with me, "But you are my family now."

It would be really horrible of me to introduce myself to the MacAvoy's and find a place in their hearts, only to have to rip myself away whenever I was changed. The part of me that desired to know what kind of people they were and the kind of stories they could tell me about my father wailed against my choice. I had a family now, forcing my way into the one I was rightfully supposed to be a part of, only to leave it would be completely selfish.

But that didn't mean I couldn't go see them, perhaps even talk to my Grandpa at the shop as some sort of tourist. And my soul reached out to that possibility. That maybe I could be satisfied with just meeting them, even as a stranger.

I thanked him for researching that for me, and he sent a burst of affection to me which made my day that much easier to bear with all those thoughts of depressing longing swimming in me.

..~..

..~..

AN: Update! I have been hiding my muse for Eva's singing voice for a reaaaally long time now, mostly because she wasn't very famous and is still gaining fame. Please look up the artist Birdy. Her singing voice is *exactly* how I hear Eva in my mind. (Eva when she first meets the Cullen's that is. She gets WAaaaaay better at control and pitch the more she practices with Edward)  
>So give Birdy a listen and leave me a review or send me PM letting me know what you think of her.<p>

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	3. Fame and Monsters

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

AN: Hello and welcome! If you are new to Panthalassa I think going back to read the first story in the series (Panthalassa: Low Tide) would probably help you in understanding what is going on in this story.

If you have already read the first story I would like to give you plenty of warning. High Tide is much darker. It has a lot of extreme and violent themes. And while I try not to make it too gory, some details need to be known. So I have rated High Tide as **M.**

..~..

**Panthalassa : High Tide  
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**Chapter 3 - Fame and Monsters  
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The third time it happened I had been upset. Kevin and I had been having troubles seeing each other on the days we thought we'd be able to meet up. Alice had managed to see some times when traffic would be bad for him and warn me, and so on.

It was a few days from Christmas when we finally had a date night. We held hands during the movie, and got a free carriage ride with his families company of horse pulled carriages. We ate fresh roasted nuts and drank rich hot cocoa as we listened to the horse hooves on the park paths through Chicago. It was a perfect night for a ride, as it wasn't too cold, but just nippy enough to warrant a good amount of cuddling under the thick wool blanket.

Kevin asked how the shows I'd been doing had gone. For the most part they were great. But as I hadn't been used to singing five days a week I barely had a voice at the end of each performance. But I was traveling with the Shell's around the Midwest playing venues as their opening act, I didn't really complain. I had been allowed by Josey to take a week off for the holiday.

Our night ended at his place as we had collapsed into a heap once we had gotten through the door. Both equally exhausted with our long rough weeks.

.~.

My album release was scheduled for January 12th, and Alice was as happy as a bee in a flower garden, planning the release party. Of course my family would be there, but I wasn't allowed to be seen near them or talking to them, as there would be many professional photographers there taking pictures. Kevin was going as a guest of Greg and Branson, so he wouldn't get attention from any possible press that might be there.

Three weeks after my song "Long way to Crawl" had been out, interest in my album had gone exactly as Alice had seen. I was predicted by local radio stations to be as big as Sasha Mensa, Beni Pearl, and Judy La Fonte, and had been busy between performances with interviews. Josey had not only become invaluable for handling my scheduling but also she had become one of my biggest fans. She would still tease me and ask for me to take the mask off while we were alone. But I never wavered. Rose had taken it as her personal responsibility to buy me new wigs, and style them. Esme had told me Rose just wanted to help in any capacity she could.

.~.

"Open that one next" Ren excitedly pointed to the box at my hip. She and I were the ones given the job to pass out presents by the tree. The pile for the rest of the family was small, as they never usually gave presents at Christmas.

Rolling my eyes at her exuberance I set my mug of tea down and tore violently into the package. Surprised I inspected the package, as it had been mailed from Ireland.

"It's from Siobhan, Liam and Maggie," I stated surprised, looking to the family gathered around the living room. I bit back the chuckle at the way they looked.

It had been my idea for us to take a couple joking family photos, like the kind you get at a department store. Emmett took the idea and gave it a life of its own. Each and everyone in the family, including myself, were wearing the ugliest chunky Christmas sweaters found on planet earth. The endeavor was in vain because Alice refused to be a part of it if pictures were in fact going to be taken. So we opted just for the memory of her wearing a large sweater with red, green, silver, and gold puffballs and patches of fat Santa's and Christmas trees thrown in the mix. Ren promised to send me the memory anytime I asked; Alice was swimming in the damn thing.

The Irish coven had sent a lovely worn leather satchel that look as old as Jasper. It had engravings and Celtic designs along the single thick leather strap. I was in love with it instantly, but it was curious that they had decided to send me anything, let alone a purse.

"It belonged to Liam," Carlisle spoke up once I had given it a thorough look over. My eye brows shot up when I looked at him, he gestured for the bag which I handed over. He flipped it over and ran his pale white hands over the leather.

"He could have let it air out," Rose complained. The puzzled look I shot her was answered by Jasper's stiff posture.

"You mean…?" I ventured a guess looking at the satchel. Edward sighed when I looked to him to confirm my thoughts, he nodded sadly.

"Look inside, Eva," Alice coached as it was handed back to me. It felt wrong to be holding this leather bag that smelt of blood to my family. Knowing the Irish coven it wasn't any "less than desirable deer blood" too.

Slowly I unwrapped the leather strip from the polished wooden peg and opened it, I pulled out two photographs. I studied the people in them for a moment, wondering why the coven had sent me photo's of humans. Was this way of telling me who'd they'd killed for the bag?

Instantly I misunderstood and screamed flinging the bag away from me.

"Evangeline," Edward suppressed a laugh, and bit his lower lip, his eyes dancing merrily. Feeling foolish for my thoughts I sheepishly looked about the room.

"They went to Bingham, and took some photo's of the MacAvoy's." Carlisle calmly explained.

Esme made a happy noise in her throat and scooted closer to me on the floor to look at the photo's I had picked up again.

It was with a little disappointment that I looked into the faces of people who were related to me and I didn't feel happiness I was sure the Irish coven had intended for me to feel. A yearning and desire to see them in the flesh rose in me. I shook it as best I could and tried to enjoy the rest of the evening festivities, but I was certain I would lay awake late into the night looking at the wrinkled faces of my Grandpa and Grandma.

.~.

I rubbed my face with both hands, and groaned in aggravation, before I picked up my phone again.

"_Kevin, I __**want **__to see you tonight, but it's just-"_

"_Your schedule, I know. I told you last night you wouldn't be back from Detroit in time for our date tonight,"_ he interrupted, his tone slightly acerbic.

"_We are on the road right now," _I explained impatiently_, "Unless you want me to have the bus driver go twenty over the limit…"_ I trailed off, shifting in my seat again.

This fight over the phone really was long overdue. After Christmas Kevin and I had made 10 attempts to have some time together. It always fell through, and regretfully the majority of the conflict came from my schedule. We were three days away from the album release party and I was getting sick of wearing wigs, and color contacts. In fact I really just wanted some time alone with Kevin, but with every re-scheduling of our dates I felt more petulant over the fact I couldn't get what I wanted. And up until this particular conversation Kevin never blamed me.

"_We'll be able to have a couple hours before the party wont we_?" he attempted to sound consoled with that fact, but I knew he was still upset about our plans being canceled yet again.

"_Yes."_

The line went silent for a second before he spoke again.

"_I'll meet you at the restaurant then at three?"_

"_Most definitely."_ I smiled now, letting the conversation end on a happy note glad that the fight hadn't been very big, or very lengthy.

When we hung up, I itched at my wig and rested my head against the seat and tried to nap the rest of the way back to Chicago. Most of the other occupants were asleep already, and the bus had a rather steady silence that seemed to mock me. I wished my family was with me, or even Ren.

Alice, Jasper and Seth were driving separately back to the house in Reedsburg, and I was sure they were home already. Stupid slow tour busses, I thought morosely as I closed my eyes and slowly fell asleep.

.~.

The dress Alice had picked for me was knee length, and it was a modest cut that did not show off too much of my skin, which was a good thing in my book.

They had us set up in the Madison Ballroom which was their medium sized one. There were two bouncers checking names on the guest list, and I was surprised with how many people Greg, Branson, and Josey had invited, on top of Alice's army of famous fashion people from New York, that rarely needed an excuse to attend events of this nature.

I was wearing a short black wig styled with soft curls. My eyes were their normal bright piercing blue; my mask was a deep blue to match my dress. The Shell's were enjoying themselves at the free bar.

I had been constantly guided from one person to another by Josey, and then Branson, as the night went on. More times than not I was guided over to talk to some reporter from a local newspaper, and one from an independent British music magazine.

One good thing about the evening was that as my identity was a mystery, so was my age. I managed to have a couple drinks throughout the evening. When it came time to play the album over the system the crowd was as enthusiastic as I could have hoped for.

Nervously I had to make a speech about my songs, about the album, and who I wanted to thank. Kevin looked like my own personal forbidden fruit from across the room. Many women were taking notice of him and I smugly watched them try their hand at getting his attention. For the most part the men in my family had most of the attention on them when it wasn't on me.

The night ended in a success and I managed to crawl into a bed at the hotel around 3am, Kevin sneaking into my room shortly after I'd changed out of my mask and wig.

From that night onwards I lived my life much like Bruce Wane. was who I was when I put on the mask. When I wanted to be myself and enjoy life around me as I had always done, with a bit of joyful obscurity that the average person enjoyed, I took off the mask and wigs.

January yielded more concerts for me to perform. And the sales of my album were breaking records of recent memory.

As the technological age grew it became less of a habit to buy actual hard copies of any form of media, this was the world I grew up in. But all of my family remembered a time when that was not only not even possible but a little offensive to those who considered themselves music aficionados. However hard copies of my album were being sold at rates above even the last Beni Pearl album, and it rocketed me to another level on instant stardom.

Magazines, news sites, radio stations from satellite to college grassroots, internet blogs, and the average fan all had opinions on my gimmick, and my music. Josey had me doing interviews only sparingly, as part of my image.

When two of my songs were in the top 10 on Billboards I did one interview and photo shoot in Mackinac Island in Michigan for Rollingstone. The location had been a my choice and Alice had, of course, picked out all my clothes and done my makeup, as was agreed upon by both parties.

It was as clear as the crystals on the chandelier of the hotel I was being interviewed at, that I was now a celebrity.

.~.

My luggage was always light so I didn't have to worry about someone else carrying it, and it was effortless to carry up the three flights of stairs to my place.

I was home for the first time, for any real length of time, since before my albums debut. There was a dull ache in my eyes that reminded me of both how far I'd come, and how much more I had to do. No time was wasted and I immediately slumped into my own bed and reveled in the feelings of wild graciousness for the solitude I had.

Kevin and I had talked almost every day, but it wasn't the same as seeing him in person. Feeling his hand in mine, and watching his eyes dance with the kind knowledge of what his lips did to me. But tomorrow we would have the whole day together… and then the next, and the next for the next two weeks at least.

Josey hadn't liked the idea of me taking a break so shortly after I had started this upward climb into the music hierarchy. But I demanded it, hardly able to refuse me as I was her boss, she relented.

I was excited in my preparations for my night out with Kevin, shaving carefully, and picking out special lingerie that Alice had given me ages ago, I felt normal. And I involuntarily found myself supremely happy I had this life to go back to, and I could slip into my alter ego when needed.

.~.

There was something off in his kiss, as if I was remembering it wrong. His plump lips seemed less ready for me, and our roles seemed reversed from when we had first starting dating. It had taken me four nights of being blissfully back in his arms for me to finally snap out of it and notice there was something off.

We had just finished a very grandiose meal at Bell Vi Lur a swanky steak house where I felt pampered and adored, but above all I had enjoyed the food with abandon simply because I was home and with Kevin.

"I am going to do a concert at Madison Square Garden in the summer," I told him excitedly as we quickly walked from the restaurant into his awaiting car, the valet tipped his hat at us as the puffs of breath floated in the frigid air.

"Opening act?" His question was full of cheerfulness, as he took my hand with his free one. We drove down the cold and deserted street. The warmth of the car and the happiness inside kept all cold out.

I nodded warmly and rested contentedly against his seat. His gloved hand squeezed mine and I returned the pressure.

"Vince bought your album," Kevin stated drawingly.

"Really? Well that makes me happy."

"He heard a couple of your songs on the radio and wasn't sure if it was too main stream for him, then he told me he read an article about '' that made him a fan. Something to do with Ann being a total babe and donating all the profits to charity," he laughed at the bit about me being a babe.

Sticking my tongue out at him I turned it into a wry smile when I saw the soft look he gave me.

We pulled up to my place and I unbuckled ready to get inside. Kevin, however didn't look ready to park, or even turn off the car. His hands were running over the wheel as if it were a motorcycle and he wanted to rev the engine.

"Nickel for your thoughts…" I sat back.

"Evangeline," he began now looking straight ahead, "I've really missed you." With a glacial pace he slowly turned to look at me and his face looked tight as if he was in pain.

"I missed you too, you know that…" something with the situation had a sharp familiarity to it. As if there was a part of me that knew what was wrong and was warning me about it. There was a slow pressure building in my chest with how sad his brown eyes looked.

"You are so wonderful, and I- it bothers me that I can't see you all of the time-" I opened my mouth to argue, to make some attempt to sooth his longing but he continued. "I know myself well enough to know that I want you here, with me. But I won't stand in the way of your dream. Your dream and your courage are part of why I care so much about you. Why I love you."

He'd said it. He'd said the L word. Then why did it feel sad? Why did it feel like it was a goodbye?

"Kevin?" worried I moved to touch his shoulder. He put the car into park and turned to look at me fully at my hesitant touch.

"Evangeline," my mouth slowly opened in wonder as to why he'd use my full name. This was the first time he'd said my full name _and_ the first time he'd said 'I love you'. "We aren't going to work."

The words echoed in my head. And as dumbfounded as I was at the situation I understood that he was pretty brave and resolved to say it so cleanly while looking me straight in the eyes.

"We-what?" I spluttered moving away from him slightly within the confines of his car. The heater kept pouring out warmth, but suddenly it didn't feel like it was doing a good enough job of keeping the cold out.

"I am selfish enough to know that I want-need you here. To not see you at least every week has been-"

"Horrible," I interrupted nodding in agreement.

"I can't keep this up Ange, it's too much to have you, and not to have you at the same time. I would rather step aside and let you have the life you deserve than try and force myself to accept that I may only see you sparingly for…the foreseeable future."

Abruptly my mouth shut, as it started feeling dry, the mention of seeing the future brought Alice to the forefront of my mind. Had she seen this?

"So… we're breaking up?" the sharp tone came out before I could know to adjust it. Admittedly I was hurt, hell I was even angry. But surely there was some way to _fix_ this.

"It would be for the best. I know you really care about me-"

"I-I care? Kevin, I love you," and even as I said it I was both sure I had always meant to tell him and that it wouldn't be enough; at least not in a way that would matter.

"You don't have to say it just because I did." He chided me giving me a skeptical look.

I bristled, "Of _course_ I love you Kevin! I-just… I have never really found it easy to say those words to anyone," my accent was sneaking its way in with how upset I was getting.

"I know Ange," and I knew he did. Kevin understood me, and it hurt that he didn't want me anymore because of the path I'd chosen to follow. I felt the beginnings of tears and I coughed to clear them away as I focused back on him.

"This is me telling you that I love you enough to let you go to where your destiny is Ange. I'm not it, and I know it."

His eyes were still so warm and full of conviction, it burned me like a super frozen piece of metal I wanted to look away but I was afraid that this would be the last time I might get to see him.

He waited patiently while I waded through the thoughts filling me.

How do you tell someone that they helped heal the gaping wounds you've carried around for years simply by being themselves? How do you thank them? How do you let _that_ go?

"I don't want this," achingly the words dropped out of me.

He said nothing for a moment.

"This doesn't mean I won't think of you, and I won't miss you Ange. It doesn't mean that when I hear your songs I won't remember those good times we've had and think of you fondly," he reached for and captured my hand. His tanned features seemed so inviting with the look he was giving me; it was hard to believe he was breaking up with me. "But I can't live a life with someone who isn't here."

In an effort not to cry I was pulling in air as quickly and quietly as I could, and although the tears weren't falling from my eyes my nose did start to show the signs of my inner despair.

"I'll miss you Kevin," I said finally, because what else was there to say? I doubted I could convince him to undo this breakup, and even if he did his reasons would still be valid. It stung so horribly that Kevin couldn't stick this out with me, but I knew him. He didn't do things he didn't feel necessary.

.~.

There was block in my memory as to how I managed to leave the car and let Kevin drive slowly away, and how I managed to be standing in my apartment in my fancy dinner dress and full winter wear. When I became aware of myself I was grabbing my keys to the car Carlisle had leant me while I was to be in the city and left my place with only one destination in mind.

The gravel was covered in snow so I took the curves in the driveway slowly, and there standing like an ice stone statue in the dark, only lightly illuminated by the ghost of lighting spilling out from the house, was Alice.

I parked the car and stumbled out.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I shouted when I saw she had come closer. She was wearing a long sleeved shirt and lounge pants that would have a human shivering and turning blue.

Alice grimaced and tugged on the ends of her short hair.

"Because," she sighed with defiant cynicism, "You have made it abundantly clear that I am not to meddle with your personal life."

I scoffed, hurt, "Not-_That _was for when things- _Use_ some common sense Alice! A little warning that my heart would be ripped out tonight would have been nice!" I threw my arms out to catch myself as I had stepped forward and onto an icy patch. Alice caught me easily.

"You're heart is just fine. I can hear it still in your chest, _perfectly_ healthily."

"Don't be a smart ass," I barked, clumsily pushing away from her.

"Are you going to let her freeze while she makes a fool out of herself Alice?" Rose called from Seth's front door. I shot the door I couldn't see a glare and turned back to Alice, only to have her hoist me over her shoulders and zip into the dark woods, away from Seth's. I pounded on her back twice in annoyance, before sighing and waiting for her to reach our destination.

We arrived at Emmett and Rosalie's cabin and I was surprised to see lights on inside.

It was almost like a surprise party when Alice set me down in the doorway. Ren ran up to me and gave me a hug before I could even take off my jacket. I looked over her head and saw Bella, and Esme sitting on Rosalie's luxurious L-shaped couch. Rose had just sauntered in from the back door. The fireplace in the tiny cabin was roaring steadily away, and the room was nice and toasty.

"I was really worried about you… Are you _okay_? -Of course you're not, you're distraught," Ren said quickly, as if this was some sort of urgent trauma and I needed to be stabilized.

To solidify that thought Ren quickly moved away and grabbed a bag of chocolates and thrust them into my chest saying, "I hear chocolate makes it better."

Oddly, with Ren's over reaction to what Alice must have told them was going to happen tonight I felt less upset.

Heartbroken definitely, but I wasn't as angry as I had been on my four hour drive back here.

With the palm of my hand I firmly pushed the bag of chocolates back to Ren.

"So…" I said civilly, "You all know what happened then?"

The women on the couch nodded, Alice averted her gaze from me and suddenly found something to be doing in the area that would serve as a kitchen if it was a human dwelling.

"Break ups are hard, so we decided to be, you know… here for you." Bella said unsurely from the couch. Rolling my eyes dryly I started to peel off the layers of winter wear I had on.

"Not that any of you have experience with break ups, but thanks… all the same I guess."

Bella sat up straighter, "I do," she admitted with a sorrow filled tone.

"That doesn't count mom, daddy came back to you. Alice said there is no hope for-" Ren literally shoved her fist in her mouth to stop herself from continuing.

Whether it was because I was really heartbroken or tired, tears sprang into my eyes as I tried to comprehend a future without seeing Kevin. I hadn't thought we would last forever, but I guess I never really thought that it would end so abruptly.

The night was then filled with light sobbing, chocolate, ice cream, movies, and more light sobbing.

And although the Cullen's didn't relish in my depressed mood, I could tell they liked having me back at the house. As I refused to go back to my place just yet because there wasn't a point to staying there, not when the only person I'd want to spend time with while in the city just broke up with me.

Esme made a fantastic breakfast for me every morning, and Emmett played video games with me enthusiastically. Rose let me watch as she did an oil change on my XTracer. And I spent a couple nights with Ren and the Quileute's just going out on the town and enjoying being young. And although Seth was there to make the couples even, I longed for Kevin.

Logically I knew I'd get over the break up, but I sulked for my two week vacation, and Josey had been in contact with me and had managed to give me another two weeks off after the tour she had scheduled.

.~.

_This isn't going to work,_ I thought testily to Edward.

I was currently blindfolded walking around the forest between Alice's and the main house. It was freezing, and even with the layers I had on I was extremely impatient to be getting back inside. My senses were hyper aware of the still silence around me. The soft crunch of my boots in the snow, the slight wheeze in my breath as the cold air burned my lungs with every breath.

It was definitely a waste of time.

Carlisle and Edward, I also suspected Jasper and Alice, had thought maybe testing to see how the lights work and when they flash had set up a variety of tests to see if they could make it happen. Edward wasn't deterred in the slightest when we both remembered the fact it had only ever happened once for each of the Cullen's then the lights stayed dormant around them.

Alice and Edward were the only two actively "watching" this experiment; all the others were supposedly waiting at the main house for me. Walking alone in the crack dawn of morning with a blindfold in the winter in a forest was an irritation. Not knowing if or when someone would 'attack' me or do something to me had me on pins and needles the whole time. I could hear my heart hammering in my chest it had become the loudest sound while I stumbled over a fallen log.

Jumping nearly a foot in the air when I heard something crash into a tree near me, and then I felt a wash of wood splinters I'd had enough.

"I told you, it wouldn't work!" I heard Alice grump as I took off the blindfold and in the same motion wipe at my nose.

"She was about to give up anyway," Edward said coming from behind a tree off to the right, silkily brushing his hands off.

"What exactly was throwing a giant," I took a now dumbfounded look at the branch Edward had thrown. I must have passed just behind my head; the thing was the size of Emmett. "GIANT!" I emphasized with my arms out to the side, "branch supposed to do?"

"Take you by surprise, and perhaps cause the lights to flash," he explained. I wrapped my arms around myself and started storming off towards the house.

"But –were you actually throwing it _at_ her?" Alice asked, the slight curious tone catching my ear.

"Alice- If I had wanted to hit Evangeline with a tree-"

"Crush me with a tree," I corrected quickly.

"Crush Evangeline with a tree- she would have been crushed."

"Which I take as a kindness by the way," I murmured glancing at Edward who was keeping pace with me on the other side of some trees.

"That's exactly _it _though Edward. She wasn't actually in any danger… Maybe she 'knows' when it's actually something that can hurt her," Alice skipped up next to me.

I was about to run my nose over the back of my coat sleeve when Edward picked me up, and the three of us started for the main house.

Not more than thirty yards later I saw Alice, who was just slightly ahead of us stop suddenly. Edward stopped too and swore. Setting me down the next instant I looked at him curiously.

My attention was torn away from Edward when Alice screamed. I covered my ears that were already covered by my wool cap and stared, with a sort of primal fear I didn't know I had, as Alice screamed as if she was watching Jasper being ripped to pieces.

Edward had his cell phone out. And then I saw six other figures surround us.

"Benjamin RUN!" was all I heard from Edward before I was swooped up into Emmett's arms and Jasper had plucked Alice up, all of us were heading to the main house.

"What's going on?" I asked urgently, looking at the family as Emmett set me down in the living room. I took a few Kleenexes and blew my nose.

"Our friends Benjamin and Tia are going to be attacked and killed by some vampires-" Emmett explained.

Opening my mouth to ask who was doing it, I stopped when Alice snatched the phone from Edward and said;

"You might have a chance if you can make it to the water Benjamin. There are ten of them."

Ten vampires against my family's friends, this did not settle well with me.

Aside from the fact they were murderers they had helped my family when needed it in the past and so I sort of felt a little rush of affection for the two unknown vampires.

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	4. Movement

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

AN: If you have already read the first story I would like to give you plenty of warning. High Tide is much darker. It has a lot of extreme and violent themes. And while I try not to make it too gory, some details need to be known. So I have rated High Tide as **M.**

** Happy 5****th**** Birthday Evangeline!** Yup, that's right today 10-1-11 is Eva's fifth birthday so I have a little bit of a gift for you readers out there. Not only does High Tide get an update today, but I have also added another story that will be just comprised of outtakes for the whole Panthalassa story. So once you are done with this chapter, and reviewing, please go on over and read the first outtake.

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**Panthalassa: High Tide  
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**Chapter 4 - Movement  
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The familiar scent of cinnamon and marigolds surrounded me as I sat on the couch with Emmett and Esme. Esme had handed me a cup of hot chocolate as we sat there while Alice, Edward, and Jasper paced.

Alice had seen a certifiable hoard of new born vampires, two of which Edward recognized from Alice's visions just after I'd left the family, finding Benjamin and Tia's scents in Cairo. With dogged determination they seemed to hunt the family friends, Alice seeing which decisions Benjamin and Tia would make that would cost them their lives. She had directed them to the ocean and said it was looking good that they would survive if they swam far enough away.

We were waiting for Carlisle to get home, as his shift at the hospital had ended roughly just as Alice had the vision. Benjamin had gone into the Nile, as it was the middle of the afternoon there, and we had lost contact with him. Alice kept getting visions, which caused tension in the room to rise, but it she hadn't gotten a clear vision on if they would survive. I hadn't been able to get a clear answer as to why.

"Good…" Edward sighed finally, just as I saw Carlisle blur into the living room, first to Alice and Edward, then he looked to his mate on the couch and came over.

"Is it just me," I said aloud, "Or are these new born groups really determined."

Alice gave a breathy snort and nodded enthusiastically.

"We need to do something about this," Esme said heartily, her cold arm squeezing me tighter to her side.

"Benjamin and Tia will call us when they reach Madagascar," Alice confirmed then glanced at Jasper, "That'll be in three hours."

Grumbling silently about the fact I had to leave in an hour so I could make it to Eau Claire to meet up the band and start our tour.

"Eva… I don't think-"

I cut Alice off, "I'll be fine getting my wigs and such on without you Alice. I think figuring out what's going on is far more important than helping me before my concerts."

"That will work," Edward stated with an air of satisfaction, looking at Esme.

"What-ever is going on I do not feel safe with one of my children out there unprotected," Esme said devotedly. She tucked some of my hair behind my ear and I smiled at her tilting my head as to what she had planned.

"Nessie and Jake can come along with you," Edward explained.

"Ah," was all I added to that. Of course I would like to have Ren and Jake around, it wasn't like I didn't want them there, but I doubted very much that they could provide much more protection for me if a gang of newborns were going to attack.

The only leg of the trip most of the family was edgy about was the part where I'd be in South Texas. It was rumored to be the area Maria preferred as of late, Jasper was absolutely livid when he found out I had three nights of performances in the region. Alice talked him down, but I could tell she too was nervous about it.

As for myself I was worried that if I smelled like vampires it would attract more attention than if I was normal. Now if I smelled like "dog" any vampire would probably leave me alone, which made Jasper relax a bit when Carlisle brought it to his attention.

.~.

"Okay babe, I'll let her know. Love you too," Emmett's dimple was pronounced as he smiled into the phone before hanging it up.

We were three exits away from where I was to be dropped off and meet up with the tour bus. Alice had packed all of my luggage this time and I hadn't even looked at what I would be wearing the next two months.

"Jake and Ness will be meeting you in Des Moines late tonight. Seth will join up with you in Omaha."

I nodded while I texted Ren back about keeping me updated on the Benjamin Tia situation.

"Thanks for driving me Emmett," I told him while I adjusted my bag on my shoulders, careful not to tug on the short wig Alice had help me put on just before I left.

"Be careful Eva. Send me plenty of pictures of you living the life of a rock star," he grinned.

Laughing lightly, as we both knew I was usually too tired after a performance to really go out all night, I got out of the car. The overcast chilly day was perfect weather for vampires, I thought. Some of the band came to greet me and help with my three large bags of luggage.

Once on the tour bus I waved to Emmett, who was still sitting in the car waiting for me to leave. The windows were heavily tinted but I knew he could see me, even if I couldn't see him.

Once comfortable I sighed with a little anxiety building in me. Two months apart from my family had been hard before, and that was when I was mad at them. Here at the start of another two months apart from them I wondered at how much more I'd change and how they'd stay the same. The grief at that thought stayed with me until I was checking into the hotel in Des Moines that night.

.~.

Des Moines was wet and cold. Omaha was windy and sunny, but still cold. Kansas City and St Louis had the most enthusiastic crowds I'd yet seen for any of my shows. I met Garth Brooks in Memphis, and got a photograph with him. I sent it to Jasper along with another simple autograph.

By time I reached Dallas the Cullen's were playing host to a few vampire groups. Benjamin and Tia decided after their close call to come for a visit. Some of the Brazilian coven had decided to come as they had come across a small band of newborns in their territory. It seemed pretty inevitable that the Volturi were going to have to get involved. But I was told by Esme, Ren, Jake, and Jasper not to worry myself with this stress, and enjoy my time touring.

Ren and I had fun getting me ready before each performance. All three of them went to every one of my shows while they were with me. Seth had made a comment as the tour went on at how there seemed to be more and more people coming to the shows. Which Josey was ecstatic about, our phone conversations were usually us deciding what interviews I would do, what photo shoots I would do, and what smaller venues I would play.

Alice had given me forewarning about different interviewers or magazines that would try to expose me or damage my image, but her most recent warning had been about a tour in Europe Josey had yet to talk to me about.

When the conversation happened I repeated what Alice had told me.

"I have nothing against Italy, Josey," I explained, for the thousandth time.

"Rome! Ann! Think about it. Rome and Venice I would, of course, be on hand to help you throughout the tour," Josey's tone was breezy.

"It's a non negotiable for the moment Josey. Tell the organizers in Amsterdam I won't do Italy at this time. But use your political savvy and make it sound good."

Her response was to cluck her tongue and admit defeat, which she didn't like.

.~.

Two months away from home, back when it had been my choice as ill thought out as it was, didn't have me missing my home nearly as much as the two months away on tour. It was much harder enjoying singing to a crowd when I had to return to some hotel each night. Granted Ren, Jake and Seth did make it much more bearable. And in fact if not for all the hotels and constant unpacking and packing of bags I would have thought it was some sort of couple's vacation.

Something had shifted in me since I'd found out my purpose in the Cullen's lives. It was subtle and I only could really pinpoint there was a difference when I was around Seth.

I felt stronger. I felt more self aware. Understanding that horrid things had happened to me, things that had haunted and scared me and yet I could still move on had done amazing things for my confidence. It was brought to my attention one night after a show when I went to an after party. Seth had brought it to my attention that I hadn't ducked my head or hid my eyes since I came back to the family.

Moving on from the things that had haunted me and damaged me had been a major change but yet…I didn't feel different for the most part. I did find myself thinking on things I hadn't been able to before.

Like flirting, for example. I used to think I wasn't good at it or I didn't want to do it, so I never did. And according to Ren I was right at least on the abysmal skills for flirting. But when I stopped dwelling on Kevin and our companionable relationship we'd had, I could understand how much I actually craved a relationship.

However, no matter how I craved it a close intimate relationship it would be disastrous. And I knew it would be. I was wearing a mask in my singing career so when it came time to change me I would be able to walk around humans, eventually, without creating the "Elvis" effect.

It was rumored amongst the family that the Volturi had changed Elvis to see if he had an ability, and when he didn't they destroyed them. Guessing correctly that Emmett had come up with that wacky conspiracy theory earned me and Jasper a cool $5,000.

So I was just going to have to bear with the fact I was to be single for the foreseeable future.

.~.

My tiny place in Chicago had subtle changes to it when I came back. Ren, Jake and Seth had dropped me off before heading back to Wisconsin.

The décor was still grey but some lovely paintings now accented the walls, Esme's own paintings which I sleepily gazed at before turning in.

I had a dream that night of my mum. She was riding a giant bicycle and kept saying "Stop the war". She looked exactly how I remembered her and I couldn't understand why she was ignoring me.

Waking up from that confusing dream I snuggled into my bed, glad to not have to get ready for a concert or interview. Tucking my legs to my chest my tiny apartment had a slight flavor of loneliness. It felt like a haunted place. But it was a bittersweet haunting with the ghosts of positive things clinging to the walls.

I grew up here. In the sense that I became independent and found out that my own two feet could carry me places as long as I stopped dwelling on a path I hadn't taken. I fell in love here, and realized how painful and glorious it could be. Small amounts of tight sadness rippled through me when I remembered how I used to wake up next to Kevin.

When noon rolled around I was bored and turned on the news station.

Depressing news about the wars going on, and if I hadn't just toured the Midwest and seen the "Support our Troops" posters and ads everywhere, it would seem so far away. There was live streaming of the Viet-Thai-Laos cluster war that was constantly teetering on the edge of nuclear war. It made me sick to watch so I decided to go see what Rigby was up to.

I played with the cuffs on my jacket as I walked a slightly chilly spring day to 42, the slushie wet snow made the familiar sounds as cars ran over it, and I looked into to bike stores window as I passed.

Stopping mid step I turned to look at the man I saw reflected in the window.

A young man, who initially reminded me of a Quileute, was leaning against a large red jeep. He had dark satin black hair pulled into a stubby pony tail. Sun glasses hid his eyes from mine, but inside I felt the thrill of knowing he was watching me.

It was like he was pulling me to him, although I kept my feet firmly planted on the sidewalk across from him.

He gestured for me to come to him, it looked so friendly and light. I couldn't feel any danger from him, just a curious interest in this rather handsome looking man, standing there looking as if he had been waiting for me.

My foot shifted and I turned to cross the empty street to walk to him.

Then the lights flashed, causing me to stumble forward.

It hadn't hurt as much as the time in Yellowstone, but I couldn't compare it to the other times because, frankly, I couldn't remember them well enough to.

The mysterious stranger tilted his head when I paused again and narrowed my eyes at him. The sun was blazing brightly on the chilled afternoon, and he wasn't sparkling. But my original thought of how he looked like a Quileute made sense. He had a similar sheen to his skin like Ren had on bright sunny days.

"Hi Nahuel," I timidly smiled and befuddledly waved at him.

The brilliant smile he wore after I waved at him had me smiling as well.

My phone rang, startling me out of my observation of Nahuel. I picked up the call and watched as he casually strode over to me.

"We are around the block in the alley, the test was successful," Edwards voice met me.

"That was a _test_?" I asked skeptically as I eyed Nahuel when he stepped up next to me.

"We thought it best not to tell you in advance. If you are interested at all in meeting Benjamin or Tia they are interested in meeting you."

Forgetting for the moment that Edward was within hearing range I blurted out the first thing I thought when he mentioned it being a test, "You can throw hot guys at me anytime as part of a test Edward."

Nahuel chuckled, and covered his mouth with a fist when I made a wincing grimace like smile.

After I hung up with Edward, I turned to the only male hybrid known to exist and gawked at him.

I couldn't be sure if it was the fact he was part vampire and they could easily seduce any pray, but a part of me was ready and willing to follow him anywhere, and he hadn't said a single word yet. He didn't have the foreboding chill activating stillness that even my family had, no matter how hard they tried.

"So, you could sense that I was a threat?" he asked, his dark brown eyes twinkling with mischief. He had an accent, tilted with what I wasn't sure, but I knew I liked it.

"Oh, I think any girl looking at you could sense you were a threat…" mentally I added "to their panties". I smiled knowing Edward had heard that.

"It's a pleasure to meet the newest Cullen," he stuck out his tan yet delicately shimmering hand.

I put my hand in his and shook, he had the softest skin and I knew I was becoming a total pile of goo, and I had never in my life felt like this. Or at least this instantly for a man.

"I was going for some tea… would you like to join me?" I asked, surprising myself.

A thick black eyebrow lifted.

"I would much rather drink you."

Goddamn chills went up my back and I felt my body start to tingle.

"You'll settle for the tea, Nahuel," Ren stated frankly suddenly appearing next to him. And I blinked with embarrassment looking at her as she crossed her arms and stared at the other hybrid.

Nahuel laughed loudly and nodded. He winked at me as the three of us started toward 42 again.

"Daddy thought you might need some rescuing," Ren nudged me as we walked. Nahuel, was keeping up walking behind us, and I felt like I could feel his eyes on me.

.~.

It was completely embarrassing how attracted to Nahuel I had become, and how quickly.

When Carlisle explained to me later that night while we were alone in the main house how he was much more a predator than Nessie. It was because she hunts animals with her family, he hunts with his aunt and kills humans. Which according to Carlisle makes a difference in the aura they exude, Nahuel naturally taps into the vampire allure while being able to completely keep people at ease as he looks and feels more human.

I didn't get to spend a lot of time around the main house while I was on a break from touring, but what little time I did I had the debatable pleasure of meeting Benjamin, Tia and Huilien.

It was a trial on my instincts not to cower away in fear of them when I happened to be in the same room. The human eating guests did not stay along as I was sure they were aware of my aversion to them.

Nahuel, after our first encounter was much more reserved and curious. When I saw them off at the skinny hours before dawn at the beginning of the week he hugged me, cracking my back in the process, and unmistakably took a deep sniff of my hair.

The overall feeling of my break was a bit too rushed for my tastes. When Alice wasn't dragging me around shopping, Jasper and Edward would help me practice the new songs I was going to record in the fall. Rose even dragged me to her garage space to do what I assumed was bond. I think she felt it necessary to do, kind of to prove a point to me as well as herself, that I was part of the family. Emmett and I had a total of four hours to play video games and billiards, which I kept my previous record of the last time we played and lost splendidly to him. I lost every single game, and he even had the gall to claim I wasn't trying, I think it only made matters worse because he thought I wasn't trying when I would have sold my bike just to beat him once.

"You know, Nahuel is single, in case you wanted to… you know," Emmett started up while he fidgeted with the consol remote after our final match.

"Aww my big brother is trying to hook me up!" I smiled insincerely.

"I can even give you tips too-"

"You certainly will do no such thing Emmett!" Esme yelled from upstairs.

Smirking at him I tilted my head in challenge.

"I just want to see you happy," he added merrily.

"And you think having Nahuel bring me pleasure with your tactics is going to make me happy?"

Esme was in front of me in a flash glaring at Emmett.

"Oh _Hi_ mum!" I said quickly, trying to deflate her anger by using her title.

"Emmett this isn't a topic you should be having with your sister."

"Exactly," Jasper quipped coming in from the back door; I saw Alice's spiky black hair before she danced around him. "You should be teaching about proper precautions."

Joking with Emmett about sex was all well and good, it was decent fun in my opinion, but when Jasper got in on it, it usually sent the vibe into the realm of awkward for me. It probably had something to do with that fact I always thought of Jasper as a southern gentleman, and Emmett as some hillbilly stud.

Esme's idea to put a stop the conversation, which teetered on the edge of indecency, was to have me help her start my last dinner in the house.

That was one more thing I didn't fully understand until it was brought to my attention. When I had moved in with the Cullen's it had been their fourth year living in Reedsburg. Now they were on their sixth and Edward had given the family the warning that people were just starting to talk. I didn't realize what it meant to have to pack up and leave everything behind.

They would be moving to Maine in August, which left four months but during those months I would be away on tour again this time an extended tour of North and South America. I supposed once I left and was on the road I would be able to grieve for the only place I could truly call my home. I had been moved around so much I completely repelled the idea of moving yet again. But as I was reminded by Alice, this was how life was for them. Seth, at least for the time being was moving with them, though I had briefly talked about it with him and he wasn't sure if he'd move there immediately with the rest of the family.

I understood though, more than I think the others realized, that home was just a place where you felt the most at peace, and my home would always be where ever they were.

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	5. About Time

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

AN: Wow it feels like it's been forever since I updated…but it was actually last week. I hope many of you like this chapter, the cliffy at the end is my favorite part.

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**Panthalassa : High Tide  
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**Chapter 5 - About Time  
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My second tour started off fun, aside from the fact Ren and Jake decided not to come with and instead spend time in La Push. However Seth was being the absolute best travel companion slash body guard. Late April was climbing the charts nationwide, and worldwide. I knew it hadn't happened over night, but some days when I woke up and saw my name on billboards in various cities it felt like it had happened in an instant. One moment I was just Evangeline Knight, the next I was this singer gaining fame like Queen, The Beatles, Michael Jackson, Madona, Britney Spears, Lady Gaga, Adele and Beni Pearl. I wasn't quiet to the level where people would scream and run at my limo as I was driven into the venue I would be singing at. But I now had a couple body guards hired by Josey follow me from the hotel to the venue and back again.

Because the tour paid for my rooms I would sneak off into a hotel room reserved by the Cullen's, or into Seth's and then change into normal clothes before Seth and I would enjoy the city we were in.

Nahuel came to my concert in Buenos Aires and the three of us had a rather awkward evening. As Seth had been making small jabs at Nahuel's diet making it obvious to me that Seth didn't like the human killer. And the logical part of my brain agreed whole heartedly with Seth but listening to Nahuel and watching him was like a drug to my brain and I found myself not caring about the fact he was a murderer. It pissed Seth off to no end. And to say that Seth was happy when we left South America for Seattle was an understatement.

Charlie, and well any able bodied person that was in the know about who really was had tickets for the show in Seattle.

The wolf calls after every song had me blushing in embarrassment and I vowed never to allow the whole wolf pack into my concerts again.

.~.

It was mid August 2026 when I saw left the first place I'd called home after my mum had disappeared. I was shifting the forest green bean bag gracelessly while I took a last long look around my now mostly empty room.

Seth and I had finished the Americas' tour three days ago, and I whole heartedly needed a rest. I needed some sort of peace of mind, some respite. But during my tour my siblings had moved all of my things from my place in Chicago and sent it to the new place in Maine. Now my own room at the main house in Reedsburg looked really sad.

"Eva, are you riding with Emmett and Rose again?" Esme asked from the hallway, her arms laden with a stone bust that easily weighed four hundred pounds.

I nodded and shifted the bean bag again, remembering how Jasper had looked the first time I'd seen it. That mall trip seemed like ages ago, and in fact it was rather astounding to me that it had been just over three years ago that it had happened.

"Hey maybe those lights will flash if we're about to get pulled over eh Eva?" Emmett grinned while he and Jasper finished putting the plastic coverings over the living room furniture they had decided to keep at the house.

"Definitely," I shook my head trying to wipe the silly smile off my face.

"Flashing lights from the cops that will arrest you," I explained. Jasper laughed and then picked up the back pack by the door.

Esme had gone out to the rental truck, the light drizzle not affecting her at all.

As a Cullen tradition, the children all drove out to the new place they would be moving to. And by driving, I meant racing. Edward and Jasper had taken me aside the first night back from tour. Esme and Carlisle had been out that night hunting so they had to determine my trustablity with the secret.

"Common guys-" I sighed agitatedly. Two men in the family that could completely understand how exhausted I was after the tour would bother me now. Yet they had invited themselves into my room just before I had been about to turn off the light.

"This is important." Jasper waved me off shooting me a dose of giddy, which was the closest he could come to giving me an energy boost.

"We have a sort of tradition that we need you to participate in." Edward began and I turned my attention to him, giving him the mental warning not to dance around the topic.

"Carlisle and Esme think we like to drive our own cars and things to the new house, as sort of a tradition. They fly out and we drive at the same time-"

"Let me guess-" I interrupted looking from one brother to the other, "You race."

They nodded together, both so serious in their expressions it had me chuckling sleepily.

"You do realize they probably know that you race."

"No they don't," Edward replied quickly, almost too quickly.

"We have taken many precautions so that they do not find out. Because the last time Esme found out about one of our traditions," Jasper's eyes narrowed and he gave my bedroom door a nasty glare, "She banned us from ever doing it again."

"What was it?" I asked curious now.

"Never you mind that." Edward said grumpily, shooting the door a glare of his own.

"Was it Emmett?" I asked now actually finding myself enjoying the conversation.

I distinctly heard Emmett shout from down stairs.

"Sadly it was my niece." Jasper groaned. Edward closed his eyes and his shoulder twitched as if to flick off an irksome bug.

Sadly, it made sense. Ren did rather know how to stick her foot in it once in a while. I always thought it had to do with her ability as it was likely a combination of Bella and Edwards. The obvious bit of Edward's ability everyone knew, but Bella's contribution was a little more subtle. Bella kept people out, whereas I think subconsciously Ren was trying to let people in.

"We will need to adjust the rules if you are riding with one of us. But are you up for the race?" Edward asked. And just to get them out faster I agreed.

They explained the rules to me after we waved Esme and Carlisle off in the giant moving van.

.~.

The last thing I did at the house in Wisconsin was to walk around the back yard and kneel at Adam's grave. I sat there just looking at the rock and his death date, as if it would drum up some feelings of love I knew I should have felt for him.

My father had truly given me a rich inheritance. He had given me life and just before his passing he gave me the knowledge that I had always been on his mind. That while I suffered foster family after foster family, and he suffered his change, he still worried about me.

Rosalie was by my side when I stood up to leave. Wordlessly she took my hand and we walked toward the cars together.

.~.

The new house was just outside a small town in Guilford, Maine. And if possible it was more remote than the house in Wisconsin had been. Carlisle took me to the lake not too far from the house a couple days after we'd arrived.

"So, how was the drive?" he asked after I'd finished the picnic lunch he'd made for me. I pursed my lips at him and narrowed my eyes.

"It was fine. Better than the tour bus to be sure," I stated confidently, standing up from the blanket so he could fold it. I stretched with my arms over my head and took in the beautiful site of the lake, waiting for him to try and wheedle information out of me.

"Anything interesting happen on the way out here?"

_Shit_, I mentally cursed.

He knew _something_ had happened on the drive. He _knew_ it. But I was now part of the secret, and I would have to wear the hat of shame for a full year if I let it slip. Never mind the fact my increased heart rate was giving away the fact I had something to hide. My siblings would not care that heart rate was beyond my control and they would still make me take the punishment for ruining their tradition.

Carlisle's amber eyes looked at me with open curiosity as I shifted my feet. I avoided licking my lips to show nervousness, but that only led me to wanting to look away from the man I considered a father.

Alice should have seen this. Hell _they all_ should have known better than leave the vulnerable one out on their own. This was exactly why the herd of buffalo protects the young from the cheetah. I was a lowly little human full of ticks and traits to give away the fact I was hiding a secret. Damn them.

So I did what would ensure me not telling accidently saying anything to my dad and get me out of this situation in a hurry.

"I have to pee," I grimaced.

Carlisle gave me a smirk like smile, letting me know he could see through the excuse. But being the kind, loving father he was he swiftly finished packing things away and put me on his back.

The run back to the home only took minutes, but once inside I gave Edward a piece of my mind as I stormed up to my room.

Carlisle or Esme would try again, I was sure of it.

.~.

Sucking my upper lip I tried not to laugh as I waved my siblings off for their first day of school. Alice, Jasper and Bella were going to one Highschool in town closest to us, while Edward, Rose, Emmett and Ren were going to another roughly twenty minutes away.

I cheekily smiled at them, thankful to God that I didn't have to go back to school, and saluted them with my tea mug while they got in to their cars.

"You'll have to join them one day Eva," Esme chided my jubilant attitude at their forced attendance at school.

"If I make it into my mid twenties I don't," I corrected her doing a half skip through the door. She chuckled lightly, the soft caressing tone making me smile.

"Oh I am sure you'll make it," she poked my side as she swung her arm around my shoulders and kissed my cheek.

.~.

My twentieth birthday was much more like my eighteenth one. Fort building contest, fireflies, and even the roller skating we are part of the activities. Against my wishes they had replaced my old XTracer with a new model. When they started on me about new vehicles being part of the Cullen tradition Bella defended me.

"It just doesn't make sense as to why we have to have new cars all of the time," Bella sighed rolling her shoulders. I nodded with my mouth full of cake and pointed my fork at her, indicating my agreement with her statement.

"But love, we have the means why not enjoy it a little? Besides the woman's shelter we donated Evangeline's old one to will put it to good use."

"It wasn't even four years old! Leases last longer than the cars here." She barely held back the chuckle when I nodded eagerly again, this time shoving another forkful of cake angrily in my mouth.

"Well, Eva has never held a grudge for long, or turned down our gifts before. So it's all in the past as far as I am concerned," Rosalie smiled dotingly at me. I harrumphed and rolled my eyes as a small bit of cake flew from my mouth.

That sent Jasper, Alice, Emmett and Edward into a fit of laughter.

I swallowed clearing my throat.

"You know what Rose, you are _right_. _ I_ am _sorry_ if my personal preference for presents upsets _your _desire to buy me flashy and unnecessary things, it is rather childish of me to want _my_ desires considered. _After all_ you are just looking out for me."

"Way to lay down the sarcasm," Jake laughed and offered me a fist bump. Before I could put my fist across the table I was lifted from my chair.

"Big twenty year old Eva thinks she can make her own mind up huh?" Emmet chuckled.

"No!" I shouted, knowing what was coming next.

The boys assailed me with tickling. Jasper held me down while Emmett held the feather above my nose.

"Not fair! Mum Dad! Make them _stop_!"

"Accept the present with the good grace and humility you always do!" Emmett threatened jokingly. I bucked against Jasper trying to stop the fits of laughter from erupting out of me.

"You're going to make me vomit up my cake!"

"The dogs will clean it up." Edward quipped from next to Emmett. I smiled victoriously when Jake leapt onto Edwards back while Seth tackled Emmett.

"Now really!" Esme shrieked when Emmett threw Seth off and he crashed into the couch nearest where Jasper was still holding me down, and instead of a feather he was using his ability to make me laugh so hard tears were spilling out of my eyes.

"I give I give!" I screeched out. The chaos subsided a bit after that. Esme gave all the boys a talking to while I saw Carlisle biting his lower lip to keep from laughing at the situation.

"So," Alice began as we had all settled in the living room listening to Edward play the piano set up across the room. "How does it feel to be the physically oldest of us 'kids'?" she air quoted the last part and I smirked at her.

"Dunno… isn't Emmett- I mean weren't you changed when you were twenty?" I turned to look at my big brother, who had Rose on his lap.

"If you think you can go three months without having a mortal injury, you'll be the oldest." He explained in a comfortable tone.

"Honestly… I don't feel that much different than when I was seventeen." I shrugged.

"You look vastly different," Bella commented.

"You act different," Esme added, and she had the air of support in her tone.

"I've grown," I shrugged guessing that was the only way to summarize it.

My new room in Maine was set up almost exactly like my old one, I think they did it to make me more comfortable.

.~.

Tensions rose after Christmas, during which I was in Chicago recording my second album and preparing for the Grammy's as I had been nominated as the best new artist as well as best album for the 2026 year.

Edward had given me the key to his childhood home, and that was where I stayed while in Chicago. It was eerie and fantastic at the same time, to be in the home where human Edward had grown up. I had done some snooping and found plenty of treasures to show Edward when I saw him next.

But the recording of the album wasn't the reason for tension. It was the fact Alice hadn't been having visions of newborns lately. I thought it was a good thing she wasn't, but then I had been had informed no news wasn't always a good thing when 'vampire' stuff was concerned.

Plans for my European tour had been solidified starting in the spring and it sent my family on edge. But we had solved the problem with asking Seth to come along with me again. It wasn't hard at all to convince him either. I think Carlisle might have just mentioned it to him and he was on board.

Spring in Europe, yes I was living the good life.

.~.

The first person to spot me and curiously ask if I was Ann (as the public liked to call me) became speechless when I said I was.

I had become a rising star in the music scene, but by no means was I famous enough to warrant body guards at the airport. On top of it one of the music videos I had filmed in Omaha was an internet sensation. If I thought too much about how popular I was becoming I'd get a big head, and even if I wanted to swim in the sea of fame I knew I wouldn't enjoy it.

Seth was the only one coming with me for the European tour; again I didn't mind we'd had fun on the last tour so it'd be another trip with him. I felt a little disappointed that Ren couldn't join me but I didn't let it get me down. Heck Seth and I would likely have more fun without them. Besides he and I always got each other's jokes.

"First class," Seth smirked while stowing his bag in front of his chair.

"It's the only place on the whole plane you're giant body would fit."

He snorted and the little old woman with a hat as big and ugly as a beach ball harrumphed and maneuvered around Seth. As she pushed past him she took one snobbish look at me and straightened her shoulders before going to her seat.

Seth had a rather giddy look on his face as he sat and leaned close to me. I sat back, as he leaned in cause I had been about to get my mp3 player out.

"She just muttered something about letting any sort of freaks up in first class," he added perkily.

"It's true though. They let any sort on these planes. Where do you think this riff raff is sitting?" I chuckled looking around. Seth bit his bottom lip and we shared a quiet laugh.

The flight into Moscow was just long enough for me to remember why I didn't like long flights.

Josey was decked out in some clothes that were so trendy they were almost garish when she met me at the airport. And I could tell she was regretting the decision to wear the knee length dress, as it was snowing out. Early May in Moscow, as Alice had warned me, could be unpredictable. That was where Seth and I parted ways for a while. He would meet me at the hotel first.

Because it was my first time in Europe since I was a little girl Josey had scheduled the concerts only for Thursdays through Sundays so I could spend the remainder of the time in the city to explore. Seth was thrilled to see all of the very touristy areas we could.

I couldn't have asked for a better travel companion. He could always make me smile, even when I was exhausted, and he had a unique way of finding the most beautiful places. Sometimes it astounded me the way he never let the frantic schedule I had get to him. I defined each city along my tour with a different tourist attraction., the one thing that stuck out to me in each city.

Moscow, of course was cold in temperature, but my favorite part of the city was the little pub on the fifth floor of a crummy looking building with a view of St. Basil's cathedral. The people were all warm and welcoming to Seth and I. It smelled of pipe tobacco and cooking meat in the little place, and I loved it.

It was becoming obvious to me how much I enjoyed being around Seth. I didn't know what category to place him in because he wasn't in the brother category, or even in the friend category. After one night in Amsterdam when he held me close as we swayed to the club music after a show, I began to seek reasons to stand closer to him. I was smiling more when I was near him, and it was liberating.

I got sick in Stockholm, enough that at the end of the weekend I could barely get out of bed.

Carlisle flew out to see me, I took advantage of the care he was giving me as an excuse to be babied a bit by him. For a creature that could easily hide their emotions from a human I was blindsided when he looked harassed.

"Alice is really worried about these newborns. We're all going to be taking a trip to Jamaica next week to see if Edward can get anything from the area," he told me after he cleaned up the en suite kitchen from the meal he'd made me.

My nose was so stuffed up I sounded like a completely different person.

"I dob wab you du go," I sucked in some air trying to clear out the buildup of snot, but it wouldn't budge.

"We'll be alright Evangeline. It's you we're more concerned with."

"Imb fined," I said promisingly just before I started a coughing fit so epic when I was done my whole chest felt like a blazing fire.

"Our cousins will be coming with, strength in numbers," he soothingly put his hand on my back and began rubbing slow circles.

Once he had thought I'd had enough "up" time he put me back into the large hotel bed.

"Ren and Jake?" I asked. The cool towel he put on my head felt like bliss to my fevered mind. Blurrily I wondered how long it would stay cool on my head.

"In La Push."

I fell asleep while Carlisle sat at my side, he held my hand and it helped to keep me cool while I slept restlessly for most of the evening.

.~.

I got a few phone calls from the family when I made it to Paris when I only had two weeks left in the whole tour. The family had called the told us nothing had happened in Jamaica. No signs of newborns, no signs of anything suspicious really, which made Edward even more concerned. They were all back in Maine, enjoying school and other normal stuff.

When making the schedule I had told Josey I wanted it to end in England. The plan had been that Seth and I would go up to Scotland together and visit the auto shop my biological grandparents owned. Curiosity won out over my trepidation in meeting them, even if it was as a stranger. Seeing the life that could have been would be a little surreal but Seth was there to help keep me grounded.

Seth bought a bouquet of flowers for me as we walked around on a rather sublime spring evening in the city of love. The romantic evening began to take a down turn when a young Parisian man flirted with me while Seth went to get my coat from the coat check at the restaurant.

He was sullen and sulky, two things that seemed very wrong for Seth to be. He just wasn't sulky, ever.

"What?" I asked concerned when we were about a block away from the hotel.

"Nothing." He shrugged his shoulders. Warning bells sounded in my ears and it echoed in my mind. _Nothing_ is key word for anyone to know, that if pressed a shit storm of trouble could be unleashed.

I could let it go. Just assume Seth was upset I'd let a guy flirt with me for ten minutes. But I prepared a mental rebuttal just in case it came up.

A hot Parisian man hits on you, _with_ an accent that could melt stone, even if it's just for the hell of it, you respond.

We were in the elevator staring at our reflections in the perfectly shiny silver doors when the crack in his composure blasted open.

"I leave you alone for thirty seconds…" He muttered looking a bit disgustedly at my reflection.

I turned to glare at him, my lips puckering up into a tight circle.

"If you don't mind, _MUM_, I can flirt with whomever I want," I rolled my eyes at him as I crossed my arms, after I angrily I jabbed at the floor button we seemed to have ignored.

"Flirt? Eva he was eye fucking you so hard-"

"What?" I shrieked contemptuously and a bit disbelievingly.

"I am here to be your body guard. And that guy was dangerous."

"Oh, because he showed interest in me?"

"No, because of the way he smelled," he explained with the angry arrogant tone that grated on my patience.

"Seth," I said clipped, glaring at him in the reflection, "You are not my parent, and you are acting like an ass."

"Fine," was all he said in response. When the doors opened he stormed out and went straight for the double room suite we had.

Suddenly I didn't want to look at him. I stayed in the elevator with the sudden inspiration to go down to the lobby and have a drink at the bar. Jabbing the button to go back down again the doors started to close. A tanned hand stopped them and I glared at Seth.

He forcefully grabbed my hand and dragged me out of the elevator. I struggled and yelled at him. His grip though iron clad and strong, didn't hurt until I tugged hard. Sharp pain shot up my arm, and I knew it must have been related to the injury from last year's run in with the real were wolves.

Once in the room he pushed me ahead of him.

"You have no idea how many men I have intercepted since we have arrived for this tour," he growled.

"And just who told you it was okay to intercept men?"

"Me." He said sternly, his brown eyes focused and filled with a ferociousness I didn't like.

"What if I wanted them to-" I was cut off as he took the two large steps towards me and determinedly but firmly his lips started to wage war with mine.

..~..

..~..


	6. Seth

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

AN: If you have already read the first story I would like to give you plenty of warning. High Tide is much darker. It has a lot of extreme and violent themes. And while I try not to make it too gory, some details need to be known. So I have rated High Tide as **M.**

..~..

**Panthalassa : High Tide  
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**Chapter 6 - Seth  
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..~..

What. The. Hell. Is. Going. On.

The words played across my mind like a ticker for the New York stock exchange.

Seth, warm, loving, joking Seth was everywhere. One of his enormous warm hands was on the small of my back, the other lovingly rough in my hair. My hands instinctively clung to him, just for something to hold onto while his assault was underway. I should have been freaked out and my brain was wildly un prepared for this.

The confusion of the action of Seth wildly kissing me, and the fact I wasn't struggling to get away from him lead my body to take charge, while my brain tried to figure out what the hell to do. The frantic part of me wondered why I wasn't having flash backs to other extreme physical sessions involving my body, and then I was also frantic that it might happen at all.

My body suddenly ached to get closer and have more of him. It was as if all this time Seth knew what my body had wanted and I hadn't, because my brain had gotten in the way.

I needed air, and apparently so did he. We quiet literally popped away from one another and stumbled back a few steps. Our breaths coming out harshly as we panted, Seth recovered quickly, and I was still staring at him while clutching at my chest.

His stare was intense as he waited for me to say something.

"It's not fair," he complained, hurt.

"What-" I began, still taking in large gulps of air.

I took a second to replay not just the last confusing minute of our relationship, but many other moments Seth and I had shared.

"Jake thinks I am being stupid and selfish. He told me," Seth started pacing and roughly fisting his short hair. "That the one thing I didn't want was to hurt you, and that telling you could or would hurt you. It would put you in an awful position."

"Tell me what? Seth, you are _really_ freaking me out," I wavered taking a step back and bumping into the sofa, which I slumped into.

Seth kept pacing.

"God…" he whimpered and when his eyes focused on me I could see a tortured pain there. It shot through me and I felt hollow.

"Eva… I don't know. I don't even know what it is I feel for you. But by god I can't ignore it anymore."

I mulled over his words daring not to look at him and focusing, instead, on my hands that seemed to tingle with the memory of what they'd just been doing.

I swallowed thickly.

"You're 35." I stated blankly.

I heard him sigh and saw his shadow resume pacing out of the corner of my eyes.

"I am aware of the age difference and I tried to use that as a way to deter my feelings…" he mumbled.

Cautiously I looked up to watch him again. It smelled like jasmine and candle wax in the hotel, and his muscular form gracefully moved to work off the tension I knew he felt.

"Tell me, tell me now if you are repulsed at the idea of 35 year old man being in love with you," he asked flatly.

My eyes widened and a small cough of surprise jumped out of me.

"Did you just say love?" I squeaked.

"Eva…" he measuredly scolded.

"I'm sorry. I just- what the hell is going on Seth?" I asked again, and my brain seemed to suddenly catch up to the situation and I was angry, embarrassed and curious.

"Edward would never tell me if you've ever been interested in me, or if I was just being a complete idiot. Eva I have never felt more like a bumbling idiot than I do right now."

"Well…" I hesitated, "It's because you are _being_ a bumbling idiot."

He chuckled once dryly.

"Eva. Fine. Let me say it clearly," Seth strode towards me and sank to his knees in front of me. I watched him carefully, my guard was up and I didn't know what to expect.

"When you first came to live with the family I wasn't sure what to make of you. I wanted to protect you from the pain I knew you'd feel once you found out why they wanted to bring you into the family. Why they wanted to tell you the secret. I felt protective of you because I knew what they were giving you, and what you had to lose. I hated the feeling that you were so innocent, and susceptible to being hurt.

"You have always been beautiful to me, no more so than when you are singing. And it hurts me to know that when you are on stage and you close your eyes, you aren't doing it for dramatics, you have always done it. You're still wishing she's out there listening to you. And _every _goddamned time I see it, it tears at me. The way you hope is so beautiful.

"When I started to realize that I was attracted to you in a way that was beyond friend, or even family, I avoided it. I avoided wanting it, because it was wrong. My sister and Jake knew instantly of course, because of our connection. They both were so strongly opposed to me even thinking about you in any way aside from a friend.

"It is a hunger, Eva, it is like I feel more complete with you around, like the world is a sane happy place when I am with you. And I know you've been oblivious to the fact, and I was happy that way. But you've grown, you're stronger now. I can see that you understand what it is you want. Even if you return my feelings _we won't _be the happily-ever-after couple the others are. Because-" he broke off and the tears sprang into his eyes, and it affected me.

"I'll imprint one day. And the love I have for you… it will be there-but you won't be the most important person to me. And I can't do that to you. You deserve to be my most important person. I want to be with you, to make you happy and keep you safe." It felt like he was pushing me away with one hand and pulling me closer with the other. I watched as tears slowly slid down his handsome face, and his hands searched for mine.

"I don't want to imprint, not when I could have you instead. Jake knows how often I wished my prank had been real. How I wish that it had been you. Edward has reminded me time and time again that you'll be one of _them_ one day and that my feelings may change. But Eva it would never matter to me, you'd still be _you_ and that's all I care about-" I got the distinct impression he was starting to babble. And although he was barely crying I could tell there was a maelstrom of anguish behind his eyes.

"Seth…I don't know what to say-what you want me to say," and I truly didn't.

The kiss replayed in my mind and I knew if he tried it again I would be game, I felt a need for it, a desire. Now that I knew I could, I wanted it.

Did I love him? In a way of course I loved him. But I hadn't ever really thought of touching him in any sort of sexual manner before, as it hadn't been on my radar.

When I had been with Kevin I found my rational side and emotional side at war with one another over his touching me. Could that be why Seth's sudden kiss hadn't sent me into a panic attack? Had I been 'cured' of that anxious feeling? Or was it because it was _Seth_, and deep into the fiber of my soul I knew he cared. Seth truly and deeply cared for me.

"You can't promise me forever…" I mumbled thinking aloud.

"No. I can't." He readily agreed, closing his eyes in pain.

"I don't even know how I feel about this Seth. You kind of just dropped this huge bombshell on me."

"You do look a little bit shell shocked." He nodded and grimaced a bit, the guilt coloring his features now.

"Just a bit," I agreed.

We stared at each other a moment and his hand slowly let go of mine, slowly he rose and our eyes were still locked.

"We can forget that it happened," he stated reluctantly.

Frustrated with my own inability to think about the fact Seth_ loved_ me I rubbed at my eyes. I settled with my head resting in my hands, my elbows in my knees.

The upside of this whole situation was Alice couldn't see with Seth around, and obviously Edward wasn't around to hear it. Maybe that was why Seth had done it here, away from them.

I couldn't forget. His lips hand practically branded me with their searing need. But having never considered Seth and I as a couple left me a little out in open water when I was thinking about what to do.

We would never last. As he had said, one day he'd imprint, and then I would be in the same situation that his own sister had been in. Just as he couldn't do that to me, I had no desire to make him feel that kind of pain either.

"Seth, I just…need to think okay?" I spoke quietly still resting my head in my hands.

"I understand… I'll just be in my room if you need anything."

I mumbled a goodnight to him and then he was gone.

I picked up my phone and wished for a neutral third party to be able to talk to about this.

Getting ready for bed the inspiration hit me and I quickly looked through my phone to see if I still had her number.

.~.

Tanya had been the best person to call in the end. She was concerned about how I was feeling after his revelation. She gave me advice on how to talk to him about it if I didn't want to pursue something more. Tanya helped me muddle through my own feelings on what happened. And I think above all her last bit of advice set my mind at ease.

"_Eva,"_ she sighed, "_You know there are so many different types of love. And we have covered the fact your relationship with Seth is a rather sticky one, but take my advice and let yourself be happy. Whatever that entails. Be with him, or just be friends with him. You are a smart enough girl to know that the imprinting thing happens without rhyme or reason, and it wouldn't mean he loves you any less. But _rightnow_ is what matters. _Right now_ is what you need to think about. And if you happen to realize you don't want him, just remind his broken heart that I am here to cure all his aches and pains_." She cooed.

I actually laughed aloud at that.

"Tanya…" I whined after I stopped laughing.

"_If you want my honest advice Eva here it is. Don't let happiness go just because you are afraid of losing it."_

When I hung up with her I fell back against my bed and looked out the window into the dark night in Paris. The city lights were dim as it was exceedingly late at night.

.~.

I wouldn't exactly call how Seth and I interacted as awkward after that night. But it wasn't as easy as it had been. We traveled to London by bus with the rest of the band. I was wearing a short curly blonde wig and a bright pink mask, and my leg would not stop nervously bouncing as I watched the signs to the tunnel to London become more frequent.

Seth was sitting next to me and seeing my nervousness he gently slid his hand in mine.

"It'll be okay Eva," he whispered, while I continued to stare out the window.

My homeland was quickly coming closer and I felt like it was calling to me now, more than ever. And I wondered at the happy fluttering pain in my chest as the bus sped onwards. In the twelve years since I had left I had wondered how much I would remember.

That night's concert in a place that had sold out could hold 1,000 people. But there was only one person that mattered that night, only one on my mind. Back stage I had talk with the band about a special song I wanted to end with, and they agreed readily, Corey, the genius musician Branson had been lucky to find, could play the violin for the part I needed.

"I really want to thank each and every one of you that came here tonight to listen to me," I paused to take a sip of the water on the bar stool on stage. My eyes searched through the stage lights to look for his large frame, but to no avail. "Now, I know that for the most part very few personal details about myself are known. But I want you to know, I want this crowd to know, that this city was once my home."

Silence then cheers met my ears interrupting me; I smiled and nodded to the crowd.

"The next song, the last song for the night, is one of my favorites. My mum used to sing it to me. There is someone I dearly love out there tonight, and I knew the words of the song reflect how they feel about me. I just want them to know, I understand."

At that cue, the piano player began the number, the crowd cheered quickly before going silent to hear the ballad.

"_When the rain is blowing in your face and the whole world is on your case. I could offer you a warm embrace, to make you feel my love."_

As I sang, I felt his eyes on me, and it was as if the crowd had truly disappeared. I felt the tears forming in my eyes as the words hit home with me. He wanted me so badly, and I knew a part of me wanted him too. But maybe it was like Bella and Jake. We'd always had a sort of connection that best friends had, a kind of deep understanding. Coupled with the fact I _did_ find him physically appealing it made for a strong connection. The connection couldn't be ignored but we weren't right for each other. In the short term we were perfect, and I knew it. A single determined tear escaped as the last notes soared out of me, and I felt lighter knowing exactly what I wanted.

Later someone who had recorded the whole concert posted it online. So many people were dissecting my words. A fan site was swamped with theories of 's love interest. The tear was caught on camera, and Ren had sent me a message when she saw the video. It was short, simple and very much Ren.

_Do what feels right Eva_- _Ren._ Was all it said.

When the tour was over I said goodbye to the band and met Seth at the restaurant a couple hours after changing out of my alter ego getup.

The next day we rode the train to Edinburgh in companionable silence, we held hands the whole way. The relaxing sway and clicking of the train set me in a trance. By time we arrived it was already late in the evening. Seth handled the heavier luggage and left me with the two smaller bags. A car was there waiting for us. We didn't waste any time getting to the hotel.

I sat on the bed with the picture the Irish coven had sent me of my grandparents, my thumb longingly stroking their faces.

As desperately as I wanted to meet them, to see what they looked like when they laughed, to hear the cadence of their voices, and to see their mannerisms. I was afraid I wouldn't want to leave. I was grateful that Seth was with me, and it was simply the fact he was near me that helped keep me calm.

I couldn't sleep that night, even though my body was exhausted enough to protest moving, I sat up in bed and watched Seth slumbering peacefully in his bed next to mine.

_"What would it feel like to lie next to him?"_A tiny voice in my head asked a question I felt compelled to answer.

Crawling into bed with Seth I watched carefully to see his reaction. He stayed slumbering, I bit my lip watching him, debating if I should ask his permission.

I couldn't run straight into a relationship with Seth. I didn't want to fall back into the Eva that didn't think things through. But Tanya had been right. Was I just afraid to pursue any sort of romantic relationship with Seth because I knew it wouldn't last? If I let my fear of what I might lose keep me from having happiness I might as well lock myself away until the family decided it was time to change me.

He was as warm as a furnace and my body hummed with contentment as I tucked myself close to him. He shifted and startled a bit when he woke up, realizing what was going on.

"Eva?" he whispered concerned.

I couldn't form the words, the dark seemed to press down on me, and I couldn't tell him I needed him to hold me. It wouldn't be the strong woman he loved if I admitted how terribly scared I was of the coming day. Seth sighed sleepily and pulled me flush against his front, adjusting the sheet over us. He nuzzled the top of my head and made a happy little noise in the back of his throat.

.~.

"Canna help you?" he asked me, and I just stared into his lined whiskery face. He was wearing a tartan long sleeved shirt, grey vest and blue jeans that had grease marks on it.

"I-" I began, completely lost in drinking in his features. He was smiling politely at me, and looked over my shoulder interestedly at Seth as he stood supportively behind me.

"Actually I think we're a little bit lost," Seth came to the rescue with the line we had decided upon before arriving at the auto shop.

Kenneth MacAvoy chuckled kindly.

"Americans?" he asked interestedly.

"I was born in London, he's more American than most," I gestured to Seth with a jerk of my thumb. Kenneth 's eyes widened in surprise.

"Oi thar! A real as sin native American?" he whooped, and Seth smiled widely at the man.

"What brings you two to Scotland then?" He curiously asked his old face open and genuine.

Seth draped his arm over my shoulders and kissed my temple, right over the scar.

"Honeymoon." Seth lied, and I could tell there was a degree of longing there however small.

"Thar!" my grandpa whooped.

"We were just looking for a nice little pub to have a-"

"My grandson works at The Babbling Gypsy, there is an open mic night tonigh, I go all tha time. I haven't won yet, but tha don keep me from tryin."

"That sounds fabulous," I spoke up before Seth could.

.~.

We ended up at the pub where my cousin Henry was working. Seth bit back a fit of laughter when the hapless boy hit on me. Our grandpa slapped him upside the head telling him I was spoken for.

"And related," Seth sniggered in my ear as we took our seats. Kenneth was having a blast introducing us to anyone that would come by. He seemed to know everybody coming in the place. Seth felt a little bit like a piece of show and tell as Kenneth made it a point to tell anyone that would listen that Seth was a full blown Native American.

I didn't drink much because I wanted to keep this memory forever, to remember every second of the evening with my grandpa. He mentioned his wife, my grandmother when we started talking about family. He promised she'd show up eventually to sing a song or two with him. Seth had no problem throwing beer after beer back with the gents in the pub that kept buying the "newlyweds" drinks.

When the open mic started up you could tell who was a regular at it, because the lady in charge kept telling them to 'hole off' until she could get any new people signed up. Seth nudged me and I firmly shook my head. I didn't want to risk my voice being recognized.

"Eva," he whispered into my ear, his hot breath tickling me. "Sing for your family." His resolute urging made me relent.

I signed up, and asked if I could borrow a guitar. I picked a song that was generally out of my vocal range, so I wouldn't be able to do it perfectly, but I would be able to sing it well enough that I wouldn't embarrass myself. I sang three songs and I told the crowd they were the three men that were the backbone of American music. Cash, Dylan, and Prestly.

When I sat back down at my table the whole pub cheered. I approached my table and saw a new person sitting next to Kenneth, she looked shocked at seeing my face. She was old and had age lines on her pale skin. My grandma Angeline must have been a stunning beauty when she was young, because you could still see it through the sagging skin and the wrinkles. In fact she still looked beautiful to me. And I planted my feet firmly as Seth stood up to give me a kiss on the lips I wasn't expecting.

"Great job honey," he cooed, and Henry clapped me on the back.

I introduced myself to my grandma as Ann and Seth next. Angeline ordered a whiskey sour, and contently watched as Kenneth took the stage.

He sang with a wispy crackly old man's voice that caused my heart to wrench. He was really good. And I clapped along with the pub when he sang what must have been some classic drinking songs.

As the night ended and Seth and I were preparing to part from my family who didn't know I was theirs Angeline winked at me.

Kenneth and Angeline were going to give us a ride back to our hotel so we waited for them outside of the pub as they bade their friends a good night.

Seth stiffened next to me and I looked up at him inquisitively.

"They're talking about you…" He explained.

I could now see him focusing on the entry way of the pub that was a good twenty feet away.

"Tell me later?" I practically begged. He nodded still concentrating on my grandparents.

.~.

The night had been so liberating and sad at the same time. My grandparents were very much in love, and they were generous kind people. It was almost more than I could ask for, and I wanted more. I wanted to meet my aunt, I wanted to see photo's of my dad when he was a kid. I wanted to know everything about them. And it would be an understatement to say that it sucked knowing it would be selfish if I told them who I was.

Seth sat me down in our room and retold me the small conversation he'd overheard with his freakish wolf ears.

They had both instantly seen a resemblance to their daughter Rachel. But they figured they were making things up, and my grandma commented on how she thought we were a perfect couple. Seth couldn't keep the smug grin off his face when he told me that.

Damn it. If my own grandma thought it was a good match, and she didn't know me from any other nineteen year old.

"What the hell," I quipped and pulled Seth to me across the tiny table in the hotel room and kissed him.

That feeling you have when you are about to fall asleep and your body feels like its falling so you jerk and suddenly you're awake. Kissing Seth willingly was exactly like that on a big scale. It woke me up. I showed me all the things I had been lacking with Kevin. Kevin and I lusted after one another, and we got along alright, so it led to us loving each other.

It seemed completely stupid that with Seth I had passion, not just lust. That I was capable of opening myself up knowing full well that there could be pain in the future. It didn't matter because I knew Seth didn't _want_ to hurt me.

He picked me up off the chair and carried me to the bed. Our kissing increased and panting and moaning echoed off the walls. He was everywhere, his hands sliding over my skin leaving the trails of longing and love in their wake. He moaned my name when I kissed his jaw line.

Suddenly something felt off, and I didn't know what it was, but I slowed and Seth followed my lead. I was straddling his lap shirt off, skirt off. I had no idea how he was only in his boxers, but it didn't disturb me in the slightest.

"Seth… there would be… no going back." I whispered worriedly. Panic at the fact we were both so close to being complete idiots with no one to tell us to stop, and no one to make us.

His thumb traced my jaw line and he tilted my head so I could look him in the eyes. The dim light of the bedside lamp clearly illuminated his face.

"Slowly, then." His smile was full of devotion and adoration, I blushed.

That night we slept in the same bed again. And I smiled as I fell asleep, thinking about what kind of happiness I might find with Seth. Imprint and future vampirism be damned. I was all set for getting happiness now, and worrying about the future another day.

.~.

We toured Scotland, spent a night in a haunted castle, where nothing spooky at all happened, and went shopping a bit. Seth and I decided that he would get his own room until we figured exactly what kind of relationship we were going to have. And to be honest the fact he was 35 only bothered me because it felt like either he, or I were a little perverted.

Seth left me to my shopping to go turn in to the hotel early; we were going to have a late dinner then meet up with the MacAvoy's and the Babbling Gypsy.

It was a wonderful night and Seth made sure to take a lot of pictures for me. Henry and I got a couple together and I couldn't wait to show Ren my cousin. He was a scrawny eighteen year old, mousy features and round glasses, he did have a similar shade of light brown hair like Adam had had.

Sleeping in our separate hotel rooms helped me gain some perspective on the reasons why I had given in to Seth. 'Given in to' was really just rationalization because I found I liked the idea of being with Seth, it was becoming more and more appealing.

Our last full day in Edinburgh I took a shower nice and early, messaged everyone in the family with a personal greeting. By time I got out it was only six am. Seth was still asleep, as he hadn't come to my room to wake me; I figured he had really rough night. He had gone back early to phase so he could talk with Jake. I wondered how hard the Alpha gave it to Seth for telling me his feelings.

I felt a little adventurous and put on my new clothes before I left my room, sliding a note under Seth's door telling him was heading down to the corner café to get a tea and scone.

It was a beautiful late spring morning and I heard the casual murmurs of the city waking up and moving about on the weekday. I slung my purse over my shoulder and gaily walked to the corner café. There were two people behind the counter and one old man reading a newspaper by the door, a steaming cup of coffee in front of him. He nodded his head in greeting and I returned it.

I took out my notepad after sitting down with my tea and scone fully intending on writing a poem or song. I lifted the hot mug to my lips and gently blew on the searing hot liquid within.

Blank white light overtook my eyes and I didn't know where I was as its debilitating pain set in. I yelped when I finally could think about anything aside from the pain from the light. Fumbling with the mug it dropped and I knew I had spilled it all over myself. But I couldn't feel the pain of it on my legs, because the light this time had been the brightest and most painful thing my brain had room for. I sagged forward, letting the pain soak in, both from my spilled tea and the lights.

I had no idea how long I had been there since the lights had flashed but when I realized what it meant I jumped up from the table and looked around the café. All three people were staring at me startled and worried. The young woman that had helped me was half way to me with a rag, evidently confused at my odd behavior.

It was then that I realized my phone was ringing and I plucked it out of my bag and I mumbled an apology to the girl before heading to the back of the shop to find the bathroom.

I flipped open the phone as soon as I stepped into the bathroom and headed for the sink, as soon as I saw my own pale white face my stomach churned and I vomited. The cool water was running and I placed the phone to my ear again.

"_**EVA!"**_ Alice screamed, it was a voice of absolutely desperation. And I knew then, that whatever it was, I was _truly_ and _royally_ fucked.

"_Alice…"_ I whimpered, wondering what it is she saw.

"_We'll __**come**__ for you! I __**promise**__ Eva! We'll always-"_

I didn't hear the rest as the light behind my eyes made me feel like I was staring directly at the flash of an atomic bomb. I heard as if in a dream the phone fall into the sink, the running water still going.

My eyes cleared just in time for me to peer up and look at a dark chocolate skinned man with eyes of the purest ruby red.

..~..

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AN: Wow Friday update whoot! I had actually planned on having Eva and Seth together from the beginning, and for those of you that wanted it I am glad we were thinking on the same page. :D Let me know what you think about the cliffy, and no this time is isn't anything at all like Peter scaring her that morning.

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	7. Dawning Horror

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

AN: Rated M for a reason people. You've been warned.

..~..

**Panthalassa : High Tide  
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**Chapter 7 - Dawning Horror  
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I heard the whirring of jet engines before I opened my eyes. My thoughts raced as to what I was going to find when I opened them. I wondered if I would even be able to see after the pain they had experienced, and truth be told even as they were closed they felt tender and tired, battered even. I tried to think of where I could be, or who had taken me. Why hadn't they killed me? Alice… what had Alice said? _They'd come for me_. I clung to that thought, and I prayed they wouldn't be too late.

Ever so slowly I opened my eyes to find I was on the floor of some room on a plane. I could tell we were airborne by the way we bobbed up and down. I clamped my mouth shut so I wouldn't vomit from the horror I found myself in.

It was dimly lit in the small room I was in. I could tell there was a bed next to me and I wondered why I wasn't on it. Then again I doubted whoever took me actually cared about my comfort. It took my lights flashing again for me to take notice that I wasn't alone in the little bed room.

"You're awake." He stated.

I started to hyperventilate. He was going to kill me. I could feel the instinct in me to scream rise with every small breath. My fists balled up and I felt my nails digging into my hands.

"Calm yourself." The voice in the shadow ordered.

"Who are you?" I asked quakingly. If the vampire couldn't smell how scared I was he certainly could hear it in my voice.

"Nothing but a servant," he spat, there was definite slight tinge of bitterness in his words.

The cabin light flicked on and my eyes slowly adjusted to the light as I stared at him. The cabin gave a dip and from my kneeling position I was thrown into the side of the bed.

"Where are we? What's going on?" I asked, taking note of his eyes again, and that stillness that set my teeth on edge. I ran through all of the vampires Ren had shown me. This one wasn't one the Cullen's knew. That didn't bode well for me. For all I knew he could be a newborn, but then again if he was a newborn I should definitely be dead in these close quarters with him.

"I am taking you to my master. She is a collector of sorts. You, my dear are what I call I trip stopper," he definitely had an accent, it was rich and filling.

"Master? Collector?" I asked, hoping to keep him talking. Maybe Alice could see this _maybe_ by me getting a good long look at him Edward could see what he looked like and Edward might know this vampire.

"Are you scared?" his tone had remained the same so far. No note of curiosity or desire for my blood, nor any hint that he cared what happened to me.

"Yes." I answered honestly.

He didn't respond after that and I waited listening to all I could to maybe get any sort of idea what was going on.

"What are you?" I asked after we stared at each other for a moment.

A slow evil grin spread across his face and I shrunk away from him.

"A vampire."

He didn't know _I_ knew exactly what that entailed so I asked the next obvious question.

"Are you going to kill me?"

"I wish I could. If I could kill you and spare you what fate has doomed you to, I would." If you could actually have a seizure from fear I was sure I was close to having one. His voice chilled me. If he wished my death because whatever his master was going to do with me it meant he felt sorry for me. _This _kind of pity I welcomed.

"You don't have to take me to her," I said almost eagerly.

"_That_, is where you are horribly mistaken."

"She wouldn't have to know."

"What is your name?" He asked in the same half bored half calm tone.

"Ann," I replied instinctively, swallowing the lump in my throat. I wiped the back of my hand across my forehead as I was sweating horribly.

"Precious," he whispered as I saw his eyes close and his nostrils flare. I froze mid motion of wiping my sweat off.

His dark chocolate skin barely looked anything like a vampire's. It didn't have that slight pale coloring to it that all vampires seemed to have. But it did look like it was not normal skin. And I guessed that when he had been human he had been beautiful.

"What does she want me for?" This question was met with a slight frown on his part.

"Ann. My suggestion to you is this: You retreat into a place so far inside yourself and do not come back. Become a shell. It is the only way you might not go insane before she is finished with you."

Panic overwhelmed me because I was certain he wasn't lying or trying to make me scared, he was actually serious and he seemed genuinely sure that his advice was the only way.

I screamed and launched myself at the little door; insanity must have taken a hold of me because I knew my captor could easily overpower me. The lights flashed briefly and a cold hand clamped around my arm and I was thrown onto the bed.

It was then as I rolled over to look back at him that I felt something around my neck. I tried to look at it and found it was a green plastic collar. It reminded me of something they'd put on dogs in a pound. I tugged at it.

"Leave it," he commanded.

Slowly I let my hand drop and I stared at him again. The tears began welling in my eyes.

"Please…_please_ let me go." I begged staying as far from him as I could on the little bed. He just stared at me. Eyes not blinking, body not fidgeting. He was the epitome of the predator that lay inside each member of my family.

"What's your name?" I asked, hoping for something to use.

"Philippe." He stated without emotion.

"Philippe, please, you were human once… please just let me _go_," I begged.

"It is as I said Ann. I cannot. The moment I caught your scent you were doomed to this fate, I am sorry."

"But _why_? Philippe please you _can_ undo this, just let me go…" I shifted on the bed to give him a full view of my face to let him see the desperation there.

"She has a way to make you obey. I cannot disobey her anymore than you can make it rain," his explanation was hinted with what I could guess was contempt.

"But she isn't here, she doesn't-"

"I will explain, perhaps then you will understand and do as I suggested and retreat into yourself," Philippe paused and tilted his head slightly.

"When changed into this form there are a special few that have special abilities. Much like the super heroes of the comics. I happen to have a unique ability to smell…" he smacked his lips it what appeared to be contemplation.

"The ripeness of an individual. It works on both humans and other vampires, but as we vampires cannot change they do not matter. I can tell when a human has the strong potential to have an ability. I can also tell when they will be ripe to be changed so that their ability will be at its peak of power.

"You, Ann, are about three or four years from being ripe."

"You can smell that… I'll be special?" I asked overwhelmed at the implications. Eleazar and this guy could be a serious duo to work for the Volturi.

"Ann, there are very few vampires that actually have abilities. And very few of them smell as succulent as you already do. My master is one of only two others that have smelled as heavenly as you do now. And it is as I said you are still three years away from being ready."

"She plans on turning me in three years?" I jumped to that conclusion. Philippe nodded, though his eyes seemed to feel more intense looking at me. I suddenly realized how good I had become at reading the small facial cues vampires leaked.

"What happens over the next three years until I am ready?" And I knew I really didn't want to know the answer.

"She plays." He explained dispassionately.

After that I curled up into a ball and cried. I prayed that all of the family, including all of their friends and the Quileute would be waiting for us where ever this plane was landing.

.~.

They weren't there when we landed. Just dark skies, empty tarmac and air that smelled musty and stifling met me.

Two vampires leapt out of the plane after Philippe carried me out. He wasn't gentle and I could feel bruises forming on my arms. The two other vampires were acting strikingly odd, obviously different from the way Philippe acted, and I knew then that they were newborns by their twitchiness. I awkwardly curled closer to Philippe.

We ran through terrain that as far as I could tell was tropical or maybe jungle like. It was misty in some lower area that my eyes could only barely make out at I was being brought to his master.

I heard shouting in the distance and not more than five minutes later I was unceremoniously dumped into a little wooden hut. There were no windows and the thing was built on a hill, the floor wasn't flush against the ground there was about two inches between the ragged edges and the dirt. My eyes strained to see anything.

"Leave the collar on," Philippe ordered before he slammed the little door in my face.

I stumbled around blindly; my hands outstretched, and searched my surroundings. I guessed it was roughly an eight foot by eight food shack, and I was completely alone. Not even the sound of others, animals or bugs were present to let my mind grasp the situation. The dark was pressing into me and I backed into the corner furthest from the little door. I wrapped my arms around myself and said a silent prayer to the god my father so believed in.

.~.

Light filtered in from my left and I got my bearings a little. The whole night I waited and listened. Hoping and praying that any little twig snapping or breeze that ruffled the trees would reveal one of my family coming to rescue me.

A short skinny Asian women with wild looking eyes opened up my door, she was definitely a newborn, she hissed at me and I clutched at my collar hoping it was the reason she hadn't just eaten me.

"Come," she ordered with a thick Chinese accent.

In a fuzzy terrified daze I stumbled out after her. I never realized how scary being without any of the family around me could be, especially when I was in the company of their kind. I would gladly take Maggie's curious stare over the obvious desire the strange vampires gave me.

Following the new born she stopped at two other wood huts like mine and called people out. Soon a small band of us were following her somewhere. As far as I could tell among the new dozen or so people I was the only non Asian.

Looking around the area I found it to be surrounded by jungle, green foliage enclosed the buildings that looked like they had been quickly thrown together on the hill. I had never seen something so foreign in my life and I would have been entranced to see such odd and special beauty, but as I was being lead somewhere by a vampire I could hardly enjoy it.

The ground beneath my feet was made up of dark black dirt; it was fairly wet in some areas as I saw large puddles with sitting water not far from the path we were walking.

I was startled out of my observation by a shout; I looked up in time to see a young girl had broken free of the group and ran. Even as I looked up at the same time as the shout I saw no more than the wild short newborn bending the girl backwards and draining the life from her.

I froze watching.

The girl twitched twice violently bent at such at odd angle while being drained. She couldn't even scream as she was being killed. In my peripheral I saw others of the group slowly looking away and down to the ground avoiding looking at the scene. I couldn't take my eyes off of the vampire, and her now dead victim.

Is that how it looked? A creeping of terror went through my brain like a slow river. Is _this_ how I should have always felt around my family? This chilling fear that I wasn't safe, should it have always been there?

As if the girl's body was no more than a stone the vampire picked it up and threw it far into the jungle. I could distinctly hear a thud in the distance where the girl's body must have landed.

The tears formed in my eyes and they fell silently as the newborn went back to lead the group wherever we were going. Nobody gave the scene a second look.

Our group was being taken to the only sturdy structure I had seen yet, it looked like a large airplane hangar that had been built some time ago. The smell that assailed my nose when I approached the door way had me wanting to turn back, but the fear of what the newborn had done to the other girl kept me following.

It smelled like urine, old garbage, dried feces and rotten food. I stopped breathing through my nose and even though I did not like the idea of those particles entering my mouth I chose to breathe through my mouth rather than smell that awful stench. As we ventured further inwards the smell dissipated as large overhead windows were open fully. In a situation like this with such a hellish smell flies and other insects would normally be feasting. But as vampires were around they were most obviously vacant from the area.

Army style hospital beds were lined up next to one another and I found all ages and both sexes laying on them with tiny IV lines going from the crook of their arms to little bags.

A blood donation camp? The idea seemed hard to grasp.

Off another twenty yards to the other side there was a line forming around a large pot. People held out tin bowls as two men handed out food. It was then that I noticed another group slouched into the furthest corner away from everyone else, they had blue collars around their necks and had very little clothing to cover their nakedness. But this group was made up mostly of men.

I felt an ache begin to swell inside when the lights flashed briefly as I took a step in the men's direction. They surely were human I wondered why the lights would flash, and why they had to wear blue collars.

The food, as far as I could tell, was rice with big chunks of chicken meat dispersed randomly. It was bland, but filling. I was sitting at one of the low tables that the other people were gloomily sitting at. People that had been donating blood slowly came over when they were done. An old man was tending to the people and he too wore a green collar like mine.

I had counted at least a hundred people, not including the vampires and the clump of humans wearing the blue collars in the hangar.

There was numbness in my brain a sort of fuzzy block that wasn't letting the terror really sink in. Although I knew it would and I severely knew my situation, the fact I was still able to walk and function bothered me. Because as I was sitting and observing the others around me, the rags they wore, the stink that wafted up from them, the sunken depressed look I came to understand that I was actually in a holding camp. Or the better term that even I felt revolted admitting, was concentration camp.

If the young woman who tried to run away not twenty minutes before was any example, no one here was going to survive.

I found I couldn't eat the food after a few small bites when it tasted like warm boogers.

Flash.

"You." The light faded quickly letting me take in the owner of the voice.

A shadow drifted over me and I looked up to see a vampire that had been changed when he had been old in age. The difference between a young human when changed and an old human after changing was subtle. Their hair was the biggest indicator, and this vampire had a single soft, but steadfast patch of silver hair on his otherwise bald head. He had defined wrinkles that made him look like an old scholar, except for the eyes. Blood red eyes that did not blink, did not roam around the way a humans might. They were fixed on me. I slowly stood, leaving my bowl where it was on the table top.

I was no more than two steps away from the table when I heard angry murmurs; I looked back and saw a young man and old woman fighting for my bowl.

The vampire led me to one of the empty beds where I had seen people donating blood earlier.

I sat when he pointed, and then he was gone.

When a square man with patchy balding black hair and a dirty large t-shirt shuffled over to me with a tray full of medical supplies I understood what I was about to be told to do. He looked like he was from India, he had the darker skin complexion and although he was short he was still rather skinny even for his height.

Bile filled my mouth, however, when I looked at the state of the supplies.

The thing they usually used for a tourniquet usually made of a rubber band like material was stained and had more than a few brown spots along it. The needles were not new and that's what terrified me the most. They looked dull, and worn, and for the most part I was sure they hadn't sanitized them in the least when going from one person to the next. I refused to look at the rest of the equipment, as my only glance at it made it clear to me that they were not clean.

The man smiled sadly at me and gestured to my left arm. I shook my head and pointed at the tools.

"You English?" he asked in a thick Indian accent.

I nodded as I tried to jerk my arm away from him as he attempted to put the tourniquet.

"Everyone does this," he gestured to the tubing, and the others lying on the beds donating blood. It made me so sick to think about the contamination that could be spread to me if I let that needle stick me.

"I won't," I said defiantly and made to stand. The lights didn't flash in time for how fast the vampire moved across the room. He didn't touch me just blocked any forward movement from me and hissed lowly.

"We all have no choice… no hope," the man who wanted to take my blood stated hollowly. His eyes reflected the emotion I caught in his voice.

I didn't look the entire time, I thought if I could just ignore the fact I had a dirty needle stick my arm and a dirty tubing hooked up to me, it would make the reality much less painful. It made sense in a sick demented way not to bother having sanitary medical tools for blood donation in a camp managed by vampires. No one here would live much longer, in fact the vampire worlds own laws whether the humans knew it, stated that no one here would be allowed to live after having seen them.

"I am Akharad," the man told me when he sat at the foot of my bed; I looked at my feet towards him. I was careful not to look at my left arm.

"Ann." I stated. And I felt no need to actually tell anyone in this camp my real name. I didn't want my real name to be associated with anything here. If my family did manage to save me it would be easier to deal with the trauma if my own name didn't bring back hellish flashes of this place.

"You are green collar like me… Jun Yue is the only other one…" he said lightly, almost conversationally.

"What do the collars mean?" I asked quietly, though dry lips.

"I was told it has to do with how special we are. Philippe did not explain much." Akharad said, and he now seemed a little more alive behind his eyes. He scratched at his cheek in a pose that was to be thoughtful. It was then that I noticed his left hand was bandaged. And soon after my eyes started seeing all sorts of marks on his skin, an old bruise was hard to detect on his skin, due to the color. He had a cut on his arm that was healing, it looked weeks old.

"How long have you been here?"

"Almost a month. Jun Yue has been here almost four. **She** is likes to pay special attention to Jun… I don't know-why-." Akharad hiccupped over his words as his tone got even sadder.

"_She_… is that the master Philippe mentioned?" I asked. I needed to get information now. If the state of the other prisoners here was any indication no one seemed to care enough to hold a conversation. They all looked half dead anyway. Listlessly sitting there and mechanically eating their food.

"She is… I pray each night she is away that god will grant me a death in my sleep," he spoke with torment, and it spun my mind to wonder what this female vampire was doing to these people.

"Where are you from?" he asked shaking himself. I looked down at the filthy bare mattress I was laying on, then, uncomfortable with the sight I looked up and out into the blue sky above.

"America… Wisconsin."

"Were you with your family when they took you?" he asked quietly now, worried it'd trigger something I was sure.

Internally I scoffed at the idea of any vampire taking me while any of my family was around me.

"No…" I barely whispered out. Instantly I wished that they were here with me right now. Briefly I closed my eyes and wished Edward was hearing distance from me and thought of all the things I wanted to tell the family. All the things I wasn't sure if I would ever be able to. But one thing I had, that I think most of the people here had lost, was hope. In fact it was that knowledge that I had some people out there strong enough that they could rescue me that humbled me.

Akharad distracted me from my thoughts when he continued.

"A luck of fate for you. My wife was with me while we were on a trip to Jamaica…"

I looked intensely into his eyes at that revelation.

"You were… in Jamaica?"

He ignored this, sadness worn on his features and shook his head as if to dislodge the memory.

"My children are still alive, it is a small comfort. But that they know nothing of what happened to us… perhaps that also is a good thing." Akharad's eyes seemed to look past me now, off into the space behind me.

They had taken him from Jamaica. The family had been right about the odd goings on there, if only they had been quicker to go investigate maybe he wouldn't be here, maybe he would have gone home with his wife and spent many more years with his children. I felt a guilt I knew was illogical to feel. I wiggled in me and I closed my eyes, trying in vain to not drift back to thinking about the blood I was being forced to donate.

I must have given enough as he got up off my mattress and started doing things to unhook me from the tubing. I stared across the hangar; the near silence in the giant space seemed to have a sound of its own. Just like in art how they say space is just as important as form. So silence is just as important when listening.

Akharad came around the bed and handed me a bottle, it had strange writing on it and a picture of an apple.

"To give you some more strength."

Nodding, I slowly unscrewed the cap, and casually looked at my arm. There was new band-aid where the needle had been. I guessed it must be easier to steal a box of band-aids than a whole bunch of needles. But it looked no different and it was just my imagination that led me to feel like it was damaged and infected.

.~.

My third day at the camp was ending and I had been able get a sort of rough schedule for how things were run.

Morning meal, both for humans and the four vampires started off the day. Every three days we'd be forced to donate, and the donated blood would serve as the meals for the vampires.

Most of my knowledge about the "Gates" as the others had nicknamed it in their native tongues had come from Akharad.

"Short for Gates Of Hell," he explained.

Akharad was the only human with minor medical knowledge to facilitate the donation. He had been a chemist in a Biotech firm in Mumbai, he had taken some courses in medical school before he realized that it wasn't his destiny to be a doctor. He told me of how the vampires knew who had donated on which days, and it astounded him at the vampire speed and ability to remember every detail.

After breakfast was a whole lot of sitting around. For reasons unknown to myself or Akharad I wasn't allowed to sit with the general population after the meals. In fact the only time I saw anybody else _was_ during meals. The short Asian vampire I had nick names Sue, simply for convenience, would always roughly grab me by the scruff of my shirt and march me back to my hut. I couldn't be sure it was the same one I'd always been in, as the dozen or so shacks looked the same all on the hill.

After lunch my first day I had to go both number two and number one. But even after I shouted out to tell my captors of the situation no one came for me. When the need became too great, and my body was starting to hurt from a multitude of ailments I decided it was worth the humiliation to go right there on the floor of the hut.

Humiliation didn't cover it. It was a hot day in the jungle, wherever we were on earth, and human feces in a wooden box in the heat really stunk fast. I used some dirt to push it out of the shack. It helped little.

I was given three water bottles every afternoon.

Lunch we were always served some sort of soda. Akharad told me it was to keep our sugar up. Bread in various states of decomposing, and firmness, were handed out. I was always given what seemed to be rather generous portions of food.

The hardest thing, if you discounted the fact the place was an actual living nightmare, was the smell. Everywhere, and all the time, it stunk. The stench was just something my brain could not get used to. It was coming from every person, and every part of the camp.

I noticed how dirty I was and I desperately wanted to clean myself off. My second night I made the mistake of using one of my water bottles to clean myself off, then I was so thirsty in the middle of the heat of the night I regretted my actions horribly. That's when I understood why everyone stunk.

In the back of my mind I was always thinking my family would be here any second, any moment they'd show up. I had every confidence that they would come for me, Alice had promised, and I had no doubts.

So when lunch was over I was ushered back to my isolation, and Akharad had told me the vampires then handed out various board games and cards for others to play. I did a double take when he told me how the "general" population is given marijuana before each meal. When he explained why it made my heart ache in a way I urgently wanted to stop.

The vampires had found that the threat of constant death depressed the people so much a lot of them refused to eat. Because marijuana would relax you to an extent the people smoked it to help with their mixture of terror, sorrow, misery, and desolation. But it would also make them hungry, so they'd eat.

When dinner was served it was dark, so I was dragged by 'Sue' back to the hangar.

The third night became the first night in my life that I ever wished whole heartedly for death to take me.

I walked into the hangar fully ready to get in line and eat my meal. My stomach had been hurting horribly since I had arrived, and I suspected something like bug or bacteria was in the water. I was certain I would have bowel problems later that night. I knew something was different by the dead silence in the hangar. There was always such an absence of noise about the place but this time it was more than eerie. And to prove the fact my lights flashed and the hair on my neck stood on end as I took in the scene before me.

Every single human was standing in a straight line, in front of the dirty mattresses we'd lay on while donating. Sue had blurred to stand near another vampire that was the same size and build. And even from the 100 feet away I could tell this new vampire was beautiful. The kind of beautiful I had seen in all other vampires.

The chill in my body spread to my mind when she looked at me.

I looked past the vampires and bit my lip when I saw, huddled beyond them, a group of small children. I couldn't be sure but I thought perhaps the long line of people was much larger than the groups that ate with us. The line went all the way down from one end of the old crumbling hangar to the other.

"Is this her?" I caught the high pitched almost sugary sweet voice asked with unrestrainable glee.

This time the lights did not flash, rather I felt my whole body violently burn for a split second from within. I didn't have time to comprehend the feeling or analyze it as the new vampire had blurred right in front of me.

"Wán měi," she cooed coming up right in front of me. I stumbled back a step terrified of her proximity.

She was a beautiful Asian flower in looks. A round face with soft features that looked as if she was a porcelain Chinese doll come to life. She had shoulder length black hair perfectly straight and it looked like a river of pure silk falling about her shoulders. Her bottom lip was full and plump, while the upper lip was tiny and looked like just part of it was poking out, giving her the perfect pouty innocent look.

As a standard I always noticed the eyes of vampires first. It seemed to be a habit I'd developed.

Her eyes were meant to trick you. They were perfectly formed and demure and alluring in their almond shape. She had heavy thick eyelashes that seemed absurdly long for someone who did not need to blink. But they were_ insane_ eyes. She looked like she was pushing them open slightly as if she was surprised or perpetually interested in something.

We observed each other, I saw her nostrils flare, and then the demon came out.

Her eyes went dead black, and she slowly let out a growl and had me slowly stepping away from her. Her eyes flicked to my collar and a smile full of want slowly spread across her face.

"Wo jiǎng. Ni qì wèi shi yā dǎo," she spoke in a shy voice, while she slowly started to circle me.

My heart was in my ears as I knew the blood was rushing about my body tempting me to attempt to run from the danger my soul knew I was in. I had no idea what she was saying, but it really didn't matter at that point.

"What is your name?" she then asked in the same soft girlish voice, but her accent caused the words to be clipped.

Over her shoulder I saw Philippe standing as if he were a soldier at attention.

"Ann," I whispered though barely parted lips.

She clapped her hands happily in front of her as she made the final rotation.

"This is a good night Ann, perhaps a need for celebration. Yes… Yes..." she cooed now, coming in closer to me. She was Ren's height and did not like this vampires head being level with my heaving chest and neck, as I was hardly able to contain the hysterics that wanted to flee my body.

Apparently content with her appraisal of me she stepped back and offered her hand to me as if we'd been friends for years and she was leading me to meet new people. When I didn't move she took my hand, and I felt burning behind my eyes that made me grind my teeth with agony.

Everything in me started to crawl with repulsion as she pulled me to the center of the hangar to where the other five vampires were standing.

"Philippe this is the perfect gift I have been looking for. You have done well," she congratulated him, and the tone made me think she was going to ask him to bend down so she could pat him on the head.

"I do as you command," Philippe spoke in the same bored tone. He briefly looked at me emotionless.

"Bǎo bǎo," her happiness set me on edge. And I didn't realize she turned to speak to me as I was so caught up in the repulsion of her touching me I had been avoiding looking at her.

She squeezed my hand roughly, and I winced focusing on her.

"Bǎo bǎo," she said again, and this time her free hand lifted to lovingly stroke my cheek. "You tasted like heaven itself on my tongue."

I bit the inside of my cheek horrified at what that meant.

"How long did you say Philippe?" She asked curiously tilter her head watching me again.

"Three years but no more than four."

"All good things come to those who wait. Imagine three years Philippe. Jun Yue was such a disappointment, only months till she is ready, not enough time to play," the last half of her sentence, though heavily accented could not disguise her annoyance that she would get to _play_ with Jun.

It must have been the adrenalin in my system that aided me in making the connections so quickly. But I knew that where I had years till I was ripe, Jun Yue had months, and perhaps she was coming up to the end of those months, as Akharad had told me she'd been here for four.

What we were needed for when we were ripe was still a horrid worry in my mind.

"But what a problem… If I go to fast… she'll break, to slow… it won't be entertaining," she complained looking back to Philippe as if asking for his opinion.

"What do you think I should do?" she asked him while letting go of my hand. Philippe did not look at me when he spoke to the woman.

"Master, Xao Zhan, if you do anything too violent it may upset how she develops. Yue's potential, as I told you, feeds off of pain and suffering as far as we have been able to tell. We do not know what Ann will be able to do."

"Just that it is strong… in league with my power?" she asked skeptically.

"Yes," Philippe stated.

Twirling around to face me again her mouth was set in a firm line, it looked like she hadn't liked Philippe's suggestion, even though I was glad for it.

"You will call me Master Zhan," she stated.

It happened while she was speaking, and it took me a split second to identify what had happened. When she had given me the command it sounded like there were two over her speaking at exactly the same time. Like her voice was doubled and layered over itself. And it even felt a little repressive.

"Do you understand?" she asked, her eyes gaining further happiness as she awaited my response.

I opened my mouth and _fully _and completely unguided by my brain my mouth and vocal chords started forming the words.

"Yes Master Zhan." Internally I was horrified. She nodded at me happily.

"I do have plenty of others to play with now anyway." She sighed trying to content herself; it was obvious she was really upset about not being able to play with me.

"You may feast on any that do not have a collar, eat until you are full," and there it was again the double voice. But the instant Zhan had spoken, or given the command the other five vampires, including Philippe rushed at the humans standing in line.

Horror films couldn't prepare you for what I was witnessing. I looked away and started crying, but Zhan whispered with her double voice in my ear and ordered me to watch.

The people must have been ordered to stand in that line because even as the vampires tore into person after person they couldn't run.

They could, however, scream.

The children's screams were the worst and I swayed on the spot watching body after body being broken and drained.

The tears fell down my cheeks in waves, blurring my vision to which I was minutely thankful for because it made it harder to see the terror, malice and massacre in front of me. But it didn't stop my ears from hearing the shrieks of agony and death.

I looked up into the face of Zhan as the screams turned into sobbing and I knew the vampires had fed till full. She looked completely and blissfully happy.

Seeing my wet and wretched face she smiled at me, made a clicking noise and strode forward, grabbing a man 30 feet in front of me and bent him over. Then while watching my reaction unwaveringly she gaily tore into his neck, blood unnecessarily spluttered up hitting her in the face.

She didn't even drink from him, but let him fall to the floor to bleed out while he and the people around him wailed and cried.

When his screams finally stopped, and he didn't stir Zhan strutted over to me, wiped the small bit of blood off her own cheek and ever so carefully and lovingly pressed her pointer finger to my lips.

"Wo bǎo bǎo," Zhan sighed contentedly, lovingly looking into my eyes.

..~..

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AN: From here on its going to be...emotionally hard for me to write. Let me know what you think of this chapter, because I really need feedback on what you think of the way the story is heading.

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	8. Bleed

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

Warning: Rated M for a reason people. You've been warned.

AN: So reviews are pretty slow coming, I do hope that changes and some of you will let me know what you think of the development in the story. Also if you are finding you are enjoying this story please recommend it to others you know who might also like it.

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**Panthalassa : High Tide  
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**Chapter 8 - Bleed  
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Jasper stood there, blood red eyes boring into me.

"It's your fault," his whispered with anger. I wasn't sure if it was directed at me or himself and I wanted to open my mouth and comfort him. At his feet was a body of the human whose blood had called to my brother with such unrelenting strength he was unable to resist.

I took a closer look at the body and blinked wildly, looking down at a woman.

Jasper had killed my mum. Her blonde hair lay at his feet limp and dull. Grabbing me roughly by the shoulders Jasper spoke again.

"You'll never understand."

Tears were pooling in my eyes and I wanted to yell at Jasper, tell him to stop, but my mouth was dry and the words were gone. I looked back to my mum, horrified that she'd been taken from me, and then I fell forward when the person changed.

_I_ was lying at his feet lifeless, my own empty face staring back at me, blue eyes glassy and unseeing.

-I jolted awake when I was thrown into my little shack. Sue had tossed me inside after I'd passed out from the horror I'd witnessed.

Scrambling to my knees I covered the scrape on my elbow I knew was there and I closed my eyes. It was pitch black outside and in the cell, but closing my eyes seemed to cut off the terrifying fact of what truly was out beyond the door. I focused on the one face that had given me comfort in that nightmare.

Jasper.

Whether he'd killed a human, or was about to kill me in that dream, hadn't mattered. The intensity of the dream and its content was slowly fading in my mind, and only his face remained.

His voice. I clung to it. I thought back to the last time I had actually seen any of the family; it had been just before the tour. Jasper had given me a stiff hug and tweaked my nose.

God, I missed them. And it wasn't just because I knew they knew exactly what kind of danger I was in. But I had three years for them to come find me. Sitting in the dirt I regretted those two months I had spent when I had run away from them.

My jaw shook with hunger and the unshed able tears for what I'd witnessed.

I thought the long unfathomable night was over when I'd passed out and been placed in my cell. There could be no other time I wished I was more right. The heat of the night was causing me to sweat mildly and I shuffled off to one corner at the top of the slant when I got comfortable as I could, that was when I heard it.

More shrieks of agony, from a man, off in the distance. It cut the air like a chainsaw grating at me. I shoved my hands to cover my ears and it didn't help. Not long after the first screams were heard a thunderous sound broke the sky above me and it let loose a torrent of water.

Water gushed down diagonally through my cell, and small rivers all around my ankles and butt. The roof of the cell had some holes that the water had easily found and was giving a slow steady stream into the middle of my space.

I drank greedily while keeping my ears covered, because although the rain was deafening, I could still hear in the distance the cries of people being tortured.

The rain lasted into the day.

The screams of agony lasted longer.

.~.

The camp had changed, and for me it was hell. I think every inhabitant here would have agreed. It was no wonder people stopped eating here; there was no point to it.

That morning Sue brought me through the sheets of rain back into the hangar. The number of people moving around was about half of what I'd seen the night before. Stomach acid burned my throat as I took in the state of every person. Most had an open wound that Akharad was attempting to fix over on the beds. Some already had bandages.

The lack of noise the first few days, I hadn't understood, had been the calm before the storm. The solid constant noise of rain in the morning was interrupted frequently by cries of suffering and torture. I could not pin point the direction from which the cries came from, they seemed to come from the ground itself after a while.

My eyes were as blood shot as Akharad's when I shuffled over to help him in any way I could. He had solid tracks down his face where tears had cleaned away the dirt from the camp life.

"Now you understand…" His voice was weak and cracked.

I didn't speak. He could never have told me anything to prepare me for what had already happened. And I shuddered to think of what worse things lay inside the sick mind of that woman.

Blood was all over the crumbling concrete floor, pooling and congealing in different spots, it darkened the dirt under the beds. While helping to clean rags and bandage people the best I knew how, having watched Carlisle do it to me a fair few times, I began to take stock of the injured.

Of the ten beds, nine people had missing fingers and burns. All ten had marks on their foreheads, and three, which Akharad was tending to himself, had gaping wounds in their middles. I didn't get a close look as I felt sick when I had. Once I had done all I could, which really wasn't much I took stock of the other people.

I took the time to actually count the people in the hanger.

54 people looked relatively uninjured. That number didn't include the 12 children that looked traumatized but otherwise unhurt. 34 people were mildly injured, meaning they'd lost a finger or had a broken arm, or wrist, or rib, or any bone really. 22 people were more severely injured. Akharad told me it was unlikely that two of the people would make it.

Feeling dizzy when I stood from the low wooden chair after I managed to force some food down, I stumbled sideways almost into a woman who had a broken wrist.

Once my bearings were back I looked up to see a vampire feeding off one of the men Akharad said would not likely survive. And I noticed Philippe taking a humans pace to approach me.

"Come."

I followed the best I could, stumbling as he lead my up the hill past my cell, through a thick jungle. Mud was sticking to my shoes, shoes I hadn't taken off in four days, and my feet were wet and sore and stunk like crazy.

We rounded a corner on a path and came up to a clearing of sorts, a beautiful little cabin sat there, as if waiting for me. I imagined a comfortable bed, and one of those palm fans slowly rotating on the ceiling, maybe with a small whine from the gears once in a while to give it character.

Sitting on a small porch was Zhan, she had a human child in her arms, the little boy looked absolutely terrified, and he was no older than three. He looked like he desperately wanted to cry, his brown eyes bulging and his dirt covered face contorted in pain from not being allowed to wail.

When my eyes met the little boys he looked hopefully up at me.

"Ann," Zhan cooed, one of her olive hued pale finger gently stroking the little boys arm.

"Master Zhan," I said. And again it astounded me that I hadn't had control over it. I was amazed and horrified at the implications of it. Philippe was right, he had no choice but to bring me here, depending on what Zhan had ordered him to do, he might not have had a way around it.

"You know what we are?"

"You are vampires," I stated worriedly.

Her eyes, still had the maniacal look to them, pushed further open with keen interest. I shifted slightly. She watched for my reaction as she slowly pushed her chin down more, and I could see the little boy, wiggling with all his might with the strain on the top his skull and neck must have been under.

I heard a snap and then the boy went unnaturally limp, eyes still open. Her bottom lip slowly spread into a wild smile. She stood up and threw the child away as if he was no more than a piece of trash. Instinctively I moved to go see what could be done for the boy.

"Stop," she ordered. And my body obeyed, painfully. Tight stinging pain in my legs shot up my body causing me to shake. My legs hadn't been ready for what my brain had been suddenly told to do.

She said something in Chinese to Philippe, and he reached for me and I didn't wince, the lights didn't flash, as he pulled me up the three steps and into the cabin.

.~.

You wouldn't think that dust is what would be thinking about in that moment, after what I'd been through. But it was, and in a very sane way thinking about the dust around me was helping ground me. Stop the terror and the doubt from coming into my thoughts.

Because Zhan could basically command anything from you and you'd obey she had made sure that the vampires around human blood would not feed unless a narrow criterion was met.

Once I had entered the cabin it became quickly apparent that it was the source of the torturous screams from the previous night. The whole floor was plain and bare except that it was covered in blood dried and fresh, and there were long steps heading into the belly of the earth. Philippe lead me down there, his cold hand clamped on my arm, and let go once we had reached the bottom.

Zhan called it 'playing', I called it a psychopaths dream. Carlisle once told me how the brain, in order to protect itself from something traumatic will shut down or leave a blank space of memory. It would be a blessing to willingly be able to do that.

She pushed me into a corner of the haphazardly dug basement where dim light from a lamp running on an extension cord illuminated just enough for me to see details of things better left not thought on. But the light was for me, of course it was. It was so I could see her and her pleasure in the things she'd do to me, because she could see perfectly without any such light.

Her first action was to strip me down. My filthy stained clothes were at my feet in shreds as she circled me slowly. I saw her eyes taking in every scar, every pore, but she came to stand in front of me I shifted slightly to back further into the wall.

"You know pain," she said purposefully, her accent tilting the words.

I nodded.

She snapped her fingers at Philippe and out of the darkness his smooth chocolate hand put a chain into Zhan's.

I don't know how long I hung there from the ceiling, thanks to my height my feet could almost touch. I had to stand on the tips of my big toes but I had managed it. The first thing to hurt unbearably was my wrists as the chains dug into them as my body weight pulled me down.

The entire time she stood there watching me, waiting I was sure for the cries of pain that made her mouth twist in a happy smile. And I had been doing a good job depriving her of that satisfaction until Philippe brought a giant pot full of steaming water.

After she had let me down I curled up on the dirt floor into a ball on my side. My tear ducts were sore and I couldn't produce tears for how dehydrated I was. I prayed to god that any of my family would be here soon. I'd even take Maggie, or Benjamin. The dust continued to stream around the lamp light and I stared at it, remembering how sometimes when Edward was at his piano I could see the dust in the sunlight, it was friendly happy dust. The stuff I was looking at seemed to be sorrow filled and angry swooping in and out of the light afraid.

As if the bulb behind my eyes was getting dimmer a brief feeble flash hit me and I was hauled up by cold hands.

Philippe carried me back to the hangar and I was put on top of one of the open mattresses. I couldn't lift my head and I wasn't sure what it was from, lack of sleep, lack of food, torture, in fact it was probably all of them.

Akharad was by my side an instant later, a deep purple bruise on the left side of his face.

"It isn't too bad…" he sighed while examining me. There was no strength in me to scoff or roll my eyes. The bed felt like a fluffy cloud in comparison to the ache of being hung by my wrists, and I knew the mattresses were disgusting and bare from the other times I'd seen them. I didn't even bother rummaging up energy to feel embarrassed for being completely naked.

"Jun usually has broken bones…" he explained in an offhanded way. I supposed he was trying to comfort me.

Taking a long slow breath in, even that ached, I slowly wiped my nose and tried to get the dried snot from my sobbing off.

"Why does she hurt Jun more…?" I asked weakly blinking slowly, fighting the need to let sleep take hold.

"I am not sure; it must be why she is special. Philippe said it makes her smell stronger the more she suffers."

Words couldn't communicate how depraved and sick I thought this whole thing was. From the what had happened to me to the little boy, to the mass feeding the night before to the girl killed for running, it was all so unfathomably wrong.

In the back of my exhausted mind I started to worry about what Alice and Edward were telling the rest of the family. If they were watching, which I was sure they were, I hoped Edward had the sense to keep some things from Esme.

.~.

Clothing was a luxury now, my "master" deemed my body pretty enough for me to show it off. If I was lucky I got a large t-shirt to wear at night.

I was violently ill on what I believed was my seventh night in the tropical hell. I deliriously called out to Carlisle, begging him to help me. I didn't know where I was but I wanted to end the pain, to stop my own suffering. A raging fever on top of lack of food for three days will do that to anyone. I had bloody diarrhea as Akharad had told me on one of my more lucid moments in the night.

Proper care was given to me when Philippe had been sent by Zhan to fetch an English speaking doctor. At the time I hadn't been aware of it. But once I was better, three days later, I felt a weight of guilt I don't think I could ever be rid of.

A proper clean IV with fluids was steadily keeping me hydrated. Fresh bright white bandages were covering the large welts from the burns she'd inflicted on me. My wrists were wrapped as well. And the biggest surprise of all, I was in a secluded room with smooth wood paneling, fluffy comfortable hospital bed caressing me. White and green patterned curtains slowly flapped in the breeze, a large window looked out into a silent jungle.

As I was alone, and finally feeling healthy I looked at my injuries, and sighed sadly when I realized I would be a human version of Jasper before too long.

A door to my left creaked feebly and it brought my attention to the doctor who'd been taking care of me. She was wearing military fatigues, which were dirty and wrinkled. She had bags under her green eyes, and her short brown hair was flat against her head from grease.

"Ann," she gave me a wan smile before coming to check on my IV, "Do you remember me?" she asked, and her voice was raw as if she'd been screaming. And it wore on me that it was probably exactly why.

"I do." I murmured looking behind her to see Philippe standing there, his perpetual bored face looking in my direction. He had a tray of food in his hands. And it was _actual_ food, noodles, and meats and even some melon. My mouth instantly watered at the idea of food hitting my tongue.

Philippe left after setting my food down next to me, firmly closing the rickety wooden door behind him.

"You're name is Tanya?" I asked her, vaguely remembering the times when I could speak in between the fever and the vomiting, that she had told me.

"Yeah…" she sighed while seeming satisfied with how my injuries were healing.

"You are lucky you didn't die," she told me hesitantly. We both understood the meaning. Was it really a good thing to be alive in this place? She'd been here five days and I'd been here twelve.

The little bit of me that always felt unworthy of the Cullen's had started pointing out to me that it'd been almost two weeks and they _still_ hadn't come for me. Where were they? They had so many friends they could overwhelm the five vampires I'd seen here. But then, I didn't see everything, maybe there was a lot more going on than I could understand from my imprisonment, that argument kept the tiny voice quiet for a while. But with each passing hour the voice of doubt got stronger.

"I'm sorry you were…taken." I shifted slightly sitting up in the bed, preparing to eat. I gestured to the food to see if she would want some. She picked up a piece of melon and frowned at it before eating.

"I'm sorry too, that you became so ill they needed to kidnap me. This…Zhan," I winced just hearing the name, "She seems to be listening to me at least when it comes to your health. She doesn't seem to care about anyone, but she wants you safe. Do you know why?"

I shrugged, "You know that they are vampires right?"

Tanya blinked at me; she paled and slowly closed her eyes nodding once jerkily.

"They want me for some ability I'll have when I become one of them."

"They are planning on...turning you into one of them?" she asked slowly, as if she suddenly realized I was contaminated. To support this she shifted away from my hips and further down the bed.

"That looks like her plan, but it won't happen for a few years…" I took a small bite of the chicken, my mouth rejoiced in the taste and texture.

.~.

Dr. Tanya Cost was a volunteer in a village Tha Li in Thailand, helping the children and families affected by the war. It was village tucked deep in the hills that many soldiers would take rest in. She hadn't wanted to join the military because she hated war and what it did to people, so instead two years ago she left her cushy hospital job in North Carolina to work in Thailand helping where she could.

She had been taken just after getting into her little shack of a house. Philippe explained the situation, of how I was deathly ill and needed attention. He instructed her to gather all the supplies she'd need and come back to her house, if she did not return within ten minutes he'd kill every person in the village. Tanya had done what he'd instructed, and her bravery had saved countless others from senseless death.

But now I had a location, from her stories. I was somewhere near or in Thailand, which was scary in and of itself at the moment. The war between Laos and Vietnam had been sudden and both sides were adamant they hadn't started it but they'd "finish it". Thailand had gotten caught in a political crossfire from the two and was slowly dragged into the war.

I walked into the hangar, guided by Sue, for the first time in almost a week. I took in the people, and I knew there were new people that had been kidnapped to replace the old, broken, or eaten people.

My second spoon full of rice was interrupted by Philippe.

"Come."

I took one more spoonful quickly, full well knowing it was likely to come back up, depending on where I was being taken.

.~.

I fell to the floor, my body having too many things it needed at that instant. So I took in air greedily, and I coughed, then after a few bliss filled life saving breaths, I vomited what little food I'd eaten that morning.

"My Bao Bao is so pretty…" Zhan endearingly complemented me, she knelt down in front of me and started petting my sopping wet hair. I shuddered beneath her due to the lights crowding my eyes, blocking the dirt floor from my vision. I now knew that we had been right in guessing my ability had something to do with sensing danger. Any time Zhan made a move towards me the lights would flash, and any time she'd place her disgusting hand on my flesh, the lights _burned._

It took hours for my eyes to stop aching from the pain, and I had begun to notice myself squinting more and more the longer I was here. I had loose theories as to why my eye sight was suddenly much worse than it had been. The lights were literally blinding me slowly, and I couldn't stop them. Believe me I tried.

I was naked, again, the welts from the scalding burns she'd given me the week before had mostly healed. But the thing in the front of my mind as she pet me was how good the air felt going into my lungs.

"Much too pretty to scar up like the others… at least for now. As we get closer Bao bao maybe you'll pick up a few," she whispered as if she was speaking comforting words, and my body curled further in on itself.

There was no way in hell that I was going to stay here for three years; my family would definitely come before then.

"Stand," she commanded.

By time my tired body obeyed Zhan was standing a few feet away from the tank where I had been drowning myself repeatedly for the last… well it had seemed like forever.

"But all my precious ones get the mark," she said seriously, and she was considering me, her ruby eyes flicked to my forehead. It was then that I understood what mark she was referring to. I'd seen it on others before, it was a weird circle insignia burned into their foreheads. "They give it to themselves of course."

_They give it to themselves after you order them to_, I replied in my head.

She made how crazy Sophila was for a human look like normal. If Zhan was a normal vampire, and by that I mean not completely insane, I might have had the nerve to talk back to her. If nothing more than for the personal satisfaction maybe for the fact it'd make her snap and eat me then and there. But I kept my mouth shut, not wishing to add more wood to the oven in her hell spawned brain.

So Philippe was ordered and he brought a wooden table and two chairs to the upstairs potion of the little torture cabin. I sat across from Zhan a small camping grill next to me, the coals were blazing hot and I could feel the heat rippling against my skin. I was sweating hard from stress. This creature was going to make me brand myself, as if the memories of what she'd done to me weren't enough, she was going to blaze a symbol of her sickness into my very flesh.

She said something in her sugary voice in Chinese, and looked to Philippe.

"Palms of her hands, perhaps," he stated in English his eyes focused only on our master.

Zhan sighed and looked back to me. Philippe strode closer to the window frame, as it had no glass the breeze freely came and went.

As I was certain the vampires could hear how violently my heart was beating in my chest, it bothered me knowing that they could hear every slosh and swish of the organ moving my blood around.

"Ann, I want you to take the iron poker and brand your left palm with it." For once she hadn't used her ability on me, as I sat there still frozen in repulsion and fear.

One dark perfect eyebrow rose in challenge to me not obeying her.

"If you don't obey, then I will make you do something worse."

My mind instantly jumped back to the hanging by my wrists, and the repeated drowning.

I realized in that moment, this was a test. The others truly had branded their own foreheads, because if they hadn't who knew that they'd have been put through.

_We'll __**come**__ for you! I __**promise**__ Eva! -_Alice's last words to me gave me the strength to grab the warm end of the poker and slowly ease the bright red end out of the hot coals.

Zhan smiled hopefully at me, her wide eyes happy.

My right hand gripped the poker and I took a deep breath trying to calm myself. The end where my hand was holding the poker was sweating so I had to grip it tighter so it wouldn't slip.

I put my left hand flat on the rough table and stared at the clean unmarred flesh there.

The scream ripped out of me once the bright red hot end had contacted my skin. I bit my lip to stop screaming more as Zhan had placed her hand on top of my right one and added pressure to the poker, pushing the searing further into my hand.

It was pain _beyond_ comprehension. It tore an my sanity and I tried to escape, to get away from it, jerk my own hand away from Zhan and the blazing iron.

The smell of something meaty burning made me gag and retch while the pain took hold of my brain.

"_**PLEASE**_!" I screamed, in an attempt to get away from the burning I had managed to buck the chair away from me and I was kneeling, Zhan now completely taking over in the branding.

As if she suddenly remembered I was human and frail she pulled the poker away, and watched my face as it contorted in pain.

I took ragged breaths in as I cradled my left hand with the right. I distinctly heard the sizzling of flesh even after the heat source had been removed.

I heard the chair being set back up next to me by Philippe.

"Now, Bao bao," Zhan sighed.

The pain was so forceful it pulled the tears from my eyes and I pitifully cried, whimpering as snot that had built up from the pressure of the pain spilled down my face.

"Your right hand." I shook violently hearing her words, and with horror I realized she wanted me to brand my right hand as well.

"I-_ca-can't_," I wailed, closing my eyes as the pain in my hand pulsed with every frantic beat of my heart.

"You can, and you will. Or…" she paused perhaps thinking of something sick to have me do. Glancing at her from the dirty floor I saw her lips forming a pout and her lazily holding the poker that was still dimly red.

.~.

Dr. Cost didn't say anything as she applied the burn salve and bandages to my hands. We were once again in my pretty little cabin of a cell. Even I had to admit, for this camp I was practically living in a resort compared to everyone else.

"I told them you'll need more water and meat while you heal…" she murmured without emotion to me once she was finished.

Zhan hadn't hurt her as far as I could tell. And from what I saw of Akharad Dr. Cost had taken on all his previous duties, as his arm was in a crude sling at lunch.

When she left I was in solitude. I wondered at that.

It was quickly apparent to me why and how I was different. Aside from the fact I had background knowledge to vampires and their abilities, I had hope. My family would come for me, how soon… I wasn't sure. Zhan was going to keep me around for years, if it was up to her. She cherished me in her own sick way and wanted to play with me yet not mar my looks. I was precious to her so I was kept alone and out of site from the other humans she used as toys in her sick games.

All the other people in the camp, including some of the vampires seemed to have lost hope.

Looking at my palms wrapped in their bandages I wondered as to the reason why my family hadn't come yet. Was something blocking them? Wouldn't Bella's shield have protected them from Zhan's commands? Was that it? Maybe there were other vampires I couldn't see, out there protecting the camp. Maybe there was something blocking Alice so she couldn't see, or maybe…

A weak depressing voice whimpered in my mind when the new thought formed. Maybe they'd been killed. Maybe they weren't coming because they were dead. Killed by those random newborns I was sure had something to do with Zhan.

But they had to come, they _had _to.

.~.

That night I was frantic after a nightmare and I awoke sweating, my palms bleeding from my thrashing and clenching of my fists.

In the dream as vague as my waking mind could recall had been about the family had being killed. Despair was pulsing through me at the thought and I couldn't bear it. I dashed out of my bed and yanked the door open only to get two steps onto the porch when a dark figure blurred to intercept me.

"I would not advise that." Philippe stated, the lights had weakly flashed at around the time he'd stopped in front of me.

Looking at him, the wild panic in my eyes and the mostly full moon light was spilling through the wispy clouds illuminating his face for me. The red was dim in the darkness and his eyes looked almost brown. I wanted to beg him to let me go, but I knew it would be pointless. He couldn't. Before I hung my head and turned to shuffle back into the cabin I saw a flash of something in his eyes, something akin to regret.

Shortly after I crawled into the bed I heard a chilling yet familiar sound. A wolf howling with a man's set of vocal chords it was a strikingly unique sound. I looked alarmed out the window only to finally understand what the blue collars must have meant on those other humans.

Zhan's ability worked on werewolves as well.

.~.

She had let me heal for nearly five days, before summoning me again.

There was a sort of tall grass I had never seen before, blowing wildly about in the gusty wind that was rolling over the empty space. Zhan was skipping, literally skipping in front of me about twenty feet away. I was rooted to the spot, on her orders, awaiting some children to finish their trek through the jungle.

She had wanted me to watch this, wanted _me_ to see the fun new game she'd made up.

Zhan had collected eight children and both of their parents. The sets of parents were in a line just off to my right, standing between Sue and another male vampire. Philippe was directly to my left, and I was starting to see a pattern when it came to him and I. He was always the one to collect me for Zhan, and the one to bring me back to Akharad, and now Tanya, when she was done playing with me. Philippe was also always there watching me.

The little children, the youngest age four the oldest age ten, had been told to walk the length of a patch of jungle, and come through unscathed. Zhan warned them, with firm yet sweet words that there would be horrible consequences if they got even one scrape.

The first little child to make it through the jungle was holding her arm in a way that instantly suggested to me she'd been hurt. I couldn't see Zhan's face and I didn't need to, to know she was ecstatic.

"You are injured…" Zhan knelt down to the little girl when she'd walked to the vile vampire. Warning bells sounded in me again, and it hurt my ears.

It didn't take long after the first girl walked out that the other children came over to Zhan, as they had been instructed, then for her to send them to stand near their parents.

Turning to me she had the wide crazy eyed look that was a constant on her face, with what looked like a contented smile on her face.

"One day," she began slowly walking towards me in what was supposed to be a demure manner, "You will become a killer. But three years is far too long to wait."

My whole body tensed at her words. _What_ was she about to force me to do?

She cheerily called to three different sets of families. The little girl who first had come out with a scrape on her elbow was holding on to her father so tightly I could tell she was hurting him.

"Mother or father?" Zhan looked to me endearingly, with her eerie eyes that never blinked. I wrapped my arms around my barely clothed body, feeling the tight pain in my palms as I did so. Zhan had consented that I wear some clothing as Tanya had told her I would be sick again if I didn't.

When I didn't answer Zhan giggled girlishly.

"Mother then," she then turned to the first couple and ordered the man and the child to step away. Even though she was speaking Chinese, I could tell she'd ordered them to do more.

The wind whipped my grungy hair and caused Philippe to stiffen next to me.

Sue had blurred away and come back quickly with a broken branch from a tree, roughly the size of a baseball bat. When she handed the branch to Zhan, and Zhan turned to look at me my stomach rolled with the realization of what I was about to be ordered to do.

"Kill her," Zhan purred into my ear while placing the branch in my unwilling sore and wounded hands.

The last thing I remember from that morning was the little girl's screaming, and how heavy my arms felt as I stepped away from Zhan while the human mother stood there trembling watching me with tears streaming down her face.

..~..

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AN: Where are the Cullens? What do you think of Zhan? Do you think she is more evil than Victoria or James? Reviews make me feel like I haven't lost your interest.

I do need some help with something regarding Panthalassa, so if someone would like to have a little insight to the story/plot send me a PM saying that you are interested in helping me out.

If you haven't gone to my profile before, please do, I have posted links to various Panthalassa related media I have created. The Photobucket is one I am really proud of. I do have a songlist/soundtrack for Panthalassa :Low Tide so check it out and give it a listen as you read the story.

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	9. Signs

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

AN: Hello all! Sorry this update is later than usual, I was stuck in traffic with heavy snow fall. Not fun I assure you.

Now I have gotten some concerned readers asking very important questions and I feel obligated to tell you a couple of things. Firstly, some if not most of the questions you might have had over the last three chapters should be answered in this or the next chapter. Some questions may not be answered for a while. And some things we may never know. Secondly, I chose to write this story from a human POV, and as Eva doesn't have all the facts she can't know everything thats going on behind the scenes, so to speak. I am sorry if that is frustarting for you but I really try to stay away from convenient plot things like her "listening in" on a conversation between two vampires that don't want her to know something. Or a better example is what SM does in Eclipse with Bella in the tent. I was like...uh Edward and Jacob would both be able to tell her heart rate has gone up and she isn't sleeping anymore.

So, in short, there may be things that you have intense curiosity for as a reader, and I hope I am doing a good enough job as a writer that you feel sympathetic to Eva, as she has just as much information as you do and she's living it. If you do have burning questions or comments I urge you to PM me or leave a comment.

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**Panthalassa: High Tide**

**Chapter 9 - Signs**

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..~..

Blood that wasn't my own stained every part of my body, mind and soul.

I had finally managed to retreat into my own mind to protect myself, I didn't remember the horrible deed I'd been ordered to carry out. But I did have flashes and I did have marks from it. Scratch marks were running down my arms, and I stared at them remorsefully. The healing blisters from my branding had broken open and were painfully bleeding.

What had _I _done?

_Who_ was I now?

A _murderer_?

Like her?

No... _**no**_ I as nowhere near that evil. I hadn't wanted to do what I'd been told, and I'd had no way to fight it either. But the word kept rolling through my mind, and the sting from the scratches bitterly reminded me that no matter how I qualified it, I really had become a murderer.

The sun was setting and I hadn't eaten, and I hadn't moved from the spot in the hangar, nearest the open doors. I had been curled into a ball, legs tightly tugged against my chest, quietly praying for my family to come, or for someone to end this nightmare.

"Come." Philippe instructed and I jerked my head up to look at him, his face was blank and emotionless, and I wondered what he was thinking. I stumbled woodenly after him, lost in my own thoughts.

I hadn't realized how late it'd gotten; I was mystified as to why Sue hadn't brought me back to my new comfortable cell. The cell Zhan thought was better for me now that she knew how frail I was.

Numb inside and out I _wanted _something, something I couldn't define. The nightmare from a few nights ago about my family being dead filled me with that same despair and I was consumed by it. I followed Philippe letting the unmistakable feeling of abandonment over take me.

I had never been outside or in this part of the camp at twilight and when I dazedly looked up and away from Philippe's back I saw something in the jungle that made my heart wrench.

Off, just in the tree line, just below some of the underbrush and around it were small twinkling little lights. I stopped walking and stared at them. They were the first bugs I'd seen at the camp, not even an ant or fly would dare tread where the monsters stayed. Their lights were blinking in and out softly, as if saying hello to me.

A ghost of a memory played in my mind, a whisper of Carlisle telling me it was all Alice's doing, on my eighteenth birthday. I covered my mouth with my hands to stop the gasp that had begun.

Alice.

Philippe had stopped to watch me and followed my gaze.

"Come," he ordered again, impatience hinting in his tone.

I looked back to the bugs and their dance among the trees, their message well received. It was obvious to me why they were there. Alice must have sent them. How, it didn't matter to me, but the fact they were there… They were a symbol of my family; a family I knew hadn't given up on coming for me. They weren't dead, and I wasn't alone.

"Please…" I whispered, "Just a minute more…" I didn't tear my eyes away from the dance of the fireflies to see if Philippe would grant me this.

When the sun had set, the fireflies had gone to rest and the lights stopped. I swayed on the spot from standing so still for so long on the dirt path. And when I was certain there would be no more I turned to look at Philippe, I couldn't see well in the dark but I would have sworn I had seen a frown on his stone face.

"Zhan has left the camp, and taken Jun Yue to change her. Get some rest; she will resume her… torture when she returns." Philippe told me just before shutting me in my one room cell. The comfortable bed felt unwelcoming as I pulled myself into it.

The thoughts of the poor little girl and what I'd done to her mother were hard to push away. But eventually I fell asleep with an empty stomach and a scarred mind, momentarily comfortable with the fact I wouldn't seen Zhan for at least three days.

.~.

_Eva, please wake up. Eva can you hear me?_

My dream was speaking awfully loudly. I slowly woke up with the odd feeling of having heard Ren talking to me, but I don't remember her being in the dream.

_Eva! Oh thank god!_

I jumped, looking about the dark room, the one window open and a light drizzle outside were the only sounds I hear. I was alone, just like I thought.

"Ren?" I asked, actually thinking I had gone insane.

_I'm with dad, and Jake. We're about three mi-it's hard to- not close enough-very hard._

Her voice was broken like reception from a bad phone call, and so quiet I had to strain my brain and ears to listen carefully to understand her. But she was here! She was actually here, with Jake and Edward! Wait… I thought, that meant Edward could read my thoughts. They must have been just barely within his range.

I sat up on my bed and looked intently out the window, as if sure that was the direction they were.

_Edward, I'm so sorry_. I pleaded, begging him to understand what had happened and that I hadn't meant to kill the woman.

_Eva calm down, please-It is hard-too far away- can't get closer- werewolves patrolling- soon we'll get you soon. The woman what can she do?_

I blinked. They weren't coming yet. I felt true despair at that. _How could they not come for me_? _Why _would they leave me here? They were only a couple miles away…

_Please Eva I am sorry- there are too many werewolves. What is her ability?_

This time when Ren spoke to me it was as if she was exhausted, and I realized it then even with the thousand other thoughts in my head. She was really stretching herself to talk to me.

_She can make you do anything she commands._ I told Edward. Even though it was painful to relive I showed him the things I'd been thus far forced to do against my own will. And the things I'd seen others forced to do.

_Be strong_- Ren's voice pushed feebly at me, and I blinked wildly looking out into the darkness, waiting and listening. Wondering if she'd try again, and send me more.

_Please…_ I cried, _Edward PLEASE get me out of here. I'll do anything-p-please._ And even in my mind the thoughts were stuttered with anguish. I couldn't believe they were _**so**_ close and going to leave me here. Closing my eyes tightly I begged Edward to come for me; I begged and begged until exhaustion won over when the sun started to lighten the sky.

Philippe, not Sue brought me to breakfast, and I felt like the last nearly three weeks had been ages.

I sat next to an injured Akharad while he played with his food, slowly dipping his spoon in and out.

"Ann," he spoke quietly and I weakly turned to look at him. His eyes were so tired looking, and slightly yellowish.

"Will you take this?" he asked slowly reaching into his rags to pull out a worn and battered looking necklace with a large oval locket.

The questioning look I gave him made him frown slightly and caress the locket lovingly.

"My wife… I told her to let me hold onto it while we were shopping at the market. We got back to the hotel and I was still holding it," his accent seemed to make the story he started to tell me much sadder. "I have always been good at knowing… feeling when I should do something. I kissed her just before they broke in. I somehow…knew…it would be the last time."

My eyes watered watching him sob, his head bowed slightly and fat tears spilling slowly down his long dark nose.

"You _need_ to take this. You… I don't know how but my time is almost up Ann. Soon something-" he sighed and shook his head, obviously not understanding the feeling or the reason.

"I'll take it... but why?" I asked and I gently touched his shoulder while he calmed down.

"You are a good _person_ Ann. You will survive this, somehow. But I need you to do me a favor and find my daughter and give her this. I am sure my wife and I will have been mentioned going missing in Jamaica. I was supposed to attend a conference in Florida on part of my trip. You will find us in the newspaper and give this to my daughter-"

"Akharad! Don't say such things," I whispered harshly looking towards Sue who was on the other end of the hangar. I didn't want him to speak of his own death like that, like he was giving up. My family wouldn't let him be killed; I would ask them to save him. But he didn't know they were coming and so he was giving up. I couldn't tell him about my family as the other vampires would hear but I had to convince him that he still had something to hope for.

"Ann." He said seriously. "I will not survive this," and he tenderly kissed the locket before putting it ever so gently in my hand, careful of my wounds.

"But-" I began.

"Promise me you'll get it to her." The seriousness in his stare and words left me with only one option. I nodded and looked to the locket.

"I promise," I whispered.

.~.

My nerves were drawn tight as the fifth day dawned and no word from my family and no Zhan returning had me jittery and anxious. I rested as much as I could, because there wasn't much else for me to do all alone in my cabin. I had taken to rubbing my fingers over the locket I'd hidden under the thin mattress to help comfort me.

Horrid thoughts always haunted me and they varied in their perversion.

I'd killed someone. _My_ hands were murdering hands. I'd done what none of my family had done, not even Jasper. I'd killed while I was still human.

It broke my heart to understand exactly what I'd done to that little girl, having to watch as I brutally murdered her mother. I could comprehend the kind of torment it was, as my own mum had been taken from me.

The respect I had for what my family did had grown exponentially and I feared their reaction if and when they found out what I'd done. I understood, in a way that was so painfully clear as to why my family tried so very hard not to feed off of humans.

It was horrible, too horrible to take away the life of someone who was loved by someone else. It left a gaping hole in those left behind to wonder what had happened to their wife, or brother, or best friend. Vampires had taken away voices and laughter of people, simply because they had thirsted for the blood inside of them. They had taken so much away from so many, and Zhan had taken what little of my innocents had remained from my troubled life, and I mourned it. My family tried, they tried so hard to be good, and to earn their gold eyes… and here I was a murderer.

.~.

I had been at the camp for just over three weeks and was restlessly staring the ceiling of my cabin trying to fight the rage and anger at myself for the things I couldn't control, when it happened.

It was an odd sensation that had me feeling like I was on a roller coaster. It had me nauseated and fuzzy. I tried to sit up but I only managed to roll onto my side to look at the door.

When the lights flash in my eyes, for the most part it is like someone had just turned on a bright light behind my eyes for a second. But this time it wasn't just one light, or even one bright color, there was a flood of them that filled my eyes and because I knew the nature of what it meant I reached under the mattress and took hold of the locket as it had quickly become and anchor for me.

My eyes were blurry but the sunlight outside helped me see the shapes of things through the windows.

When I heard horrible screaming from all around me followed by a metal like tearing sound a spasm of terror filled me.

The door burst open and Philippe took one glance at me then turned around and shouted something in what sounded like Italian. I sat up on my bed, heart wildly thrumming as I saw the light bouncing off of Philippe's exposed areas.

More screaming and more metallic screeching, then Philippe too fell to the ground in agony.

Dawning hit me and I was simultaneously overjoyed and filled with dread.

There was only one vampire that I knew of that could cause another vampire to go down like that in pain.

Jane.

_Jane_ was here.

The _Volturi_ were here.

When that thought hit me it was the same instant I caught sight of them. The memory Ren had showed me of what they looked like matched up with them now: cloaks of varying shades of black, red eyes and no nonsense manner. I looked on, through the door Philippe had opened and saw him writhing on the ground as Jane and another Volturi guard stepped closer to him.

She must have let up on him, as Philippe instantly stopped shrieking in agony and knelt in front of her babbling words I couldn't hear and gesturing to me.

Jane's red eyes met mine and I sucked in a breath. The screams had died, and the sounds of a battle had subsided. Three more Volturi guard members came to stand next to Jane, and I only could make out Felix from his large size. I had to squint even to get that much off of them. They weren't even 50 yards from me. When I saw the shape of another vampire not in a cloak I worried that it was Zhan, but the shape was taller and whoever it was, was most likely a man as the shoulders were quiet broad.

Not sure of what was going to happen I put the necklace on with fumbling hands and watched the interaction on the path in front of my cell.

Lights weakly flashed and Philippe was standing next to me.

"Come," he ordered, although this time there was a sense of urgency to it.

I descended the rickety wood steps, my legs wobbling underneath me due to fear.

Should I mention my family? Would it help me? Would it hurt them, to mention them? Were they nearby? Had they told the Volturi about this camp? Maybe that was why Ren and Edward couldn't rescue me that night; maybe they were waiting for the Volturi to arrive.

After having been through the torment of Zhan I doubted what Jane could do to me would be worse. At least if Jane used her ability on me it wouldn't leave physical scars.

"Is this the human?" Jane's voice though harsh and full of command, was welcoming to my ears. It wasn't sugary sweet and cheerful like Zhan's.

"It is. I promise you your masters will not be disappointed if you bring her to them." Philippe explained, and I chanced a glance to him.

Why was he doing this? He was giving me over to the Volturi.

Jane tilted her head slightly looking at me, and I ducked my head not wishing to look at her.

The lights caused me to look up at the approaching vampire.

He started saying something in Italian. He was cut off by Jane who must have glared at him, daring him to continue. From the tone of the words he didn't like the idea that I was being kept alive. I looked at him; he was Asian and very handsome. I hadn't seen him at the camp before so I wondered if he had been working for Zhan this whole time.

"Are all of the others disposed of?" Jane asked unconcernedly.

The young looking vampire with a similar colored robe nodded and said something in Italian. I heard a light rumble of laughter in the group that was quickly silenced as Jane turned back to look at me.

"You will come with us as well. What did you say your name was?" Jane was looking behind me, and I knew she was talking to Philippe.

"Philippe." He answered in his typical bored tone.

"Alex," Jane nodded to her brother and I shuddered my attention acutely focusing on him.

.~.

I was absolutely beginning to hate waking up from being involuntarily unconscious. It seemed like I could barely go a year without it happening to me, and it sucked.

This time I woke up in a limousine and for a split panicked second I wondered if I had dreamt the whole nightmare of Zhan. But I realized it had all happened when I saw who was riding with me. Alex sat on a seat kitty corner from me, Philip next to me, and Jane all the way across the limo lounging like a bored, spoiled princess.

More Italian was thrown around when the car came to a stop.

"Do not struggle," Philippe instructed me. It was a friendly gesture that confused me. He picked me up and followed the guard through the tunnels Alice had once told me about.

Already I could smell the difference in the air here versus the jungle. It was much cleaner, and I was betting I reeked horribly. The stink of human waste and disease hadn't followed me to Italy, and it made a difference on my mental state, much more that I thought it would.

The thoughts and worries about where my family was and their involvement in this were bouncing about my head making me dizzy. And Philippe set me down inside a large domed room.

Instantly I knew where I was. Carlisle had described it to me in detail.

They had brought me to the throne room. Also known as the feeding room.

The lights that had become so familiar to me had become almost suffocating. I could see around the brightness, but it was the burn they left that was causing a massive head ache. Somehow through pure concentration I was able to push the brightness to the edges of my sight, and what I could see did not scare me as much as it might have three weeks ago.

My eyes sought out the one vampire that might understand, that might be willing to help me. But he was absent. And the only brother that was sitting in his thrown was the blonde one, Caius.

"The camp has been destroyed, all 98 humans, 20 werewolves and seven vampires, master." Jane came to stand at the base of the dais. Caius nodded to Jane and then turned his attention to me.

"Have you brought a delectable treat for me Jane?" he asked, and even from this distance I could see his ruby red eyes darkening slightly.

"This one claims she will have a strong ability when changed. It is the reason the female wanted her. He too has a useful ability; I thought it best to leave their fate in your hands master Caius."

"Insightful of you Jane." Caius said with no praise to his voice. In fact it sounded as if he was upset at the fact she'd brought us back.

"You-" he directed at Philippe, "What is your ability?"

"I can detect the ripeness of humans, to be specific, humans that have the potential to have an ability I can tell when it is the right time to change them to allow the ability the maximum power and effectiveness. " Caius's eyebrows went up slightly and he looked a little surprised and pleased.

My body started shivering, the effort of pushing the lights was wearing me out, and I realized how marble didn't hold heat well. It was really cold in the large chamber with around ten vampires milling about.

"Aro can decide their fate. As a matter of interest, how long for the girl to be 'ripe' as you say," Caius asked tartly.

"Originally, when I first took her three or four years. I do not know how-but it has shifted, she will be most powerful in roughly two years now."

My mouth fell open upon hearing this. Had what Zhan been doing to me caused my ability to develop faster?

Caius's eyes flicked to me.

"Take her to the west tower, she is too enticing. Bianca give her a bath and food. Aro will be back at sunset then he can decide her fate."

At that Caius turned from me, Jane said something to Philippe in Italian. Philippe then looked to the female vampire that was likely to be Bianca and told her something sternly in Italian. She nodded and I was lead away from the room.

.~.

The vampire led me up many flights of stairs, and never once touched me. She didn't speak to me, and she barely looked at me. I wasn't sure if I was grateful for her silence.

Once in the west tower she started up a bath for me. After having lived with Jasper for as long as I had I knew when a vampire was not breathing and Bianca was _**not**_ breathing. And as she swiftly moved about the room I stood there, my arms wrapped around myself staring at the room.

It was like a royal palace, lush carpets and tapestries, romantic paintings and candelabras. The stark contrast to where I had been, seemingly moments before, was shocking.

The woman, Bianca gestured to the bath. And I looked at it; the flash back of the last time I'd been forced into a tub had me violently shaking in panic. I shook my head and backed away out of the small bathroom and into the bedroom.

She hissed at me, a menacing foul sound, and blurred to right in front of me.

Inside me something was rumbling, like the first pricklings of anger rolling in on itself. This vampire could not possibly be more evil than Zhan, a killer definitely. But insane? Not likely.

Opening my mouth to communicate to the vampire that I would not bathe, a shower would be preferred I found my voice had gone.

My nerves were raw, and everything about the last month from realizing I had someone that loved me dearly right in front of me, to finding my real grandparents, to being kidnapped and taken to hell all pressed down on me. I wanted to be allowed just one moment where I could just be me. I longed for my closet back in Reedsburg a small cozy place where I could curl up and let my own sorrow and grief pass through.

Bianca, unaware of my inner turmoil in the split second between her hissing at me and my shocked face at not being able to communicate broke a barrier inside me.

Her cool stone hand clamped onto my forearm, and the lights I'd been holding back flared.

I wanted it to stop.

So that's what I did.

I turned the lights off.

There was a rush of blood in my ears and I felt like I couldn't hear for a second, and when my eyes cleared from the new oddness that was blackness instead of light in my vision I saw Bianca still as the stone she mimicked.

Her red eyes still focused on me, her beautiful face contorted in some sort of frustration or anger. But it was her complete stillness that caught my attention.

Now, I knew vampires could be completely still and they had no need to move. But Bianca, the way she stood, and how her eyes were open but did not seem to see, it frightened me. The fact she still had a solid grip on my arm scared me even further.

I yanked and yanked, wondering what was wrong with her. As soon as I freed my arm, with much bruising, and Bianca was still frozen I started to hyperventilate.

I had started to back away from Bianca's still body when my door opened.

My eye's met the new female vampires for a split second then at vampire speed she set a tray of food down for me on a coffee table and went to inspect Bianca. She was talking in rapid Italian to the frozen vampire, and when that did not yield results she turned to look at me, a look of curiosity and annoyance on her face.

"Did you do this?" She asked with no trace of an accent that I could tell.

Jerkily I shrugged, still taking in short quick breaths of air.

_Had I done that?_ It really crawled beneath my skin to think that I had caused one of the most powerful creatures on earth to stop moving completely. I felt sick at the implications.

The new vampire was gone and it was only for ten seconds that I had to collect my thoughts because she returned with five others.

Caius had a pompous bored look when he entered the room that quickly changed when he examined Bianca. Jane had taken one look at Bianca then fixed a stare at me. Felix, Alex, and Afton flanked their leader and were asking him things in Italian.

"What did you do?" Jane asked me, her tone serious and demanding.

"I-I don't know… she touched me…" I whimpered seeing Jane's eyes narrow slightly.

"Alex," Caius stated quickly, and I felt the beginnings of numbness set in.

..~..

..~..

AN: Well it was the Volturi that ended up 'cleaning' up the camp. Now maybe with Jane's report you can understand why the Cullen's didn't just charge off to rescue Eva. Zhan likes to keep a large entourage of both Newborn and werewolf.

So... Now what? Anyone have any predictions?

V

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	10. Fathers Tears

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

AN: So how many of you liked BD part I? I thought it was very well paced. And wish they hadn't decided to have them released a year apart. Did anyone else really think the girl they chose for Nessie was absolutely perfect?

Thanks to those who have just found this story and are enjoying it, spread the word to your friends who read Twilight fanfiction too. Luv you guys!

..~..

**Panthalassa : High Tide**

**Chapter 10 - Fathers Tears  
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..~..

When they first brought me into their family and had told me of their past, I tried to look at it objectively. The Volturi, ultimately, were leaders. And the one thing most leaderships, regimes, governments and so on fear is being replaced. That fear I could understand in an impartial way. It was only because they had so severely threatened some of my loved ones lives in the past that I held a grudge against them.

Ren had shown me her memory of the day they had come to destroy her and her family. And from that memory I was able to extract and understanding of the vampire leader. Aro was enigmatic, and a curious creature. And I had made Carlisle proud when I had told him after a family dinner, where only I ate food, where a lot of Volutri bashing and speculating was going on when I announced that I would form my own opinion of them when I met them.

A happy and pleasant smile met me when the numbness faded from me.

Realizing who it was only took a second, as did realizing I was on a comfortable fluffy bed. I quickly scurried away from him, as he was sitting at the foot of my bed staring at me as if I was a silly child for being wary. The lights were conspicuously gone now and the bed chamber I was in contained seven-no eight vampires.

Alex and Jane stood at the foot of my bed. Philippe to Jane's left and slightly closer to me. Felix stood on the opposite side from Aro's seated position. Directly behind Aro was a slight little thing I recognized as Renata. And that left Caius who stood with Demetri near the door.

"An amazing little angel," Aro cooed to me, his tone amused.

I opened my mouth then closed it wondering what to say.

"Have you…" I began and glanced at Aro's hand wondering if he'd read my thoughts as I had been under Alex's numbing fog.

"Indeed sweet Evangeline. You are quite a survivor," his red eyes, in comparison to all others in the room seemed warm and almost friendly even thought they had a sort of milky film covering them.

Suddenly my eyes watered. Aro understood, and he had heard _everything_. I felt like there was a thin veil between myself and my family now, and all that stood in the way was whatever he might decide.

"Before we get into that Evangeline, can I have your word you will not attack any more of my guard?"

Blankly I looked at him, and had I been my normal un traumatized self I might have snorted in derision. The very idea that I could attack a vampire was insane.

"I think they'll be safe as long as they don't touch me…" I whispered letting my weary eyes roam around the gathered vampires. Philippe still looked bored as always and I wondered if it was because of Zhan he didn't show any emotion.

"See there," Aro sighed and clapped his hands contentedly.

"Keeping a human for two years whose blood that calls to all in this room will be torturous Aro." Caius warned suddenly.

A slow smile spread across the leaders face, and he and I shared a look.

"Ah dear brother, but surely the power she'll possess… Philippe here has already told us she will rival both Jane and the woman that enslaved him with her power," he gestured to Philippe who remained motionless.

Caius looked about to interject something when Aro spoke again.

"Demetri."

"Yes Master Aro." Demetri blurred to stand a few feet from the bed; I shifted further towards the corner away from him.

"Where is Carlisle Cullen at this moment?" Aro asked casually.

Leaping to my throat my heart beat madly hearing my father mentioned. The frantic sudden increase in my heart rate gathered all of their attention.

"I-" Demetri paused, perhaps to use his ability, "Nearby, perhaps France or Spain."

"Send for him." Aro stated.

"Master," Demetri answered nodding his head once and was about to blur away when Aro spoke again.

"Be sure to tell him, we have his daughter."

The room went so silent it reminded me of my first night at the prison camp. Demetri took one long look at me before leaving the room.

"The rest of you may leave us," Aro commanded. Caius seemed to be frozen with indignation at what Aro had just said to Demetri.

"Carlisle's daughter?" Caius spat coming to stand next to Aro as the room suddenly was empty, aside from Renata and Caius that was.

"She is not a hybrid!" Caius added taking a long look at me, as if to reconfirm it.

"Please, Aro sir…" I begged quietly, the light had flashed once when Caius came closer to me.

"You are safe here my sweet. Caius we shall talk. Evangeline please eat and shower. I am sure your family will be here soon." Although Aro spoke kindly I wasn't sure if I should be thankful my family was being sent for. Surely Aro knew that if he hurt my family then changed me I would be a newborn full of rage at his actions.

Caius did not look like he wanted to leave at that moment, but as Aro stood and glided effortlessly to the door the blonde vampire was hot on his heels.

.~.

I was wearing a knee length summer dress, my damp hair pulled back into a low braid. I hadn't been able to eat much of the feast Aro had sent up for me, as I was so terrified at what could be happening to my family.

The first thing I had noticed when I had gotten into the bathroom and given myself a proper look was how much weight I'd lost. In addition to that I had a very off and unhealthy looking color to my face. The burn scars on my body were still red and healing and there was heavy concentration of them on my back crossing over the scars from my stitches.

It took forever for the water in the shower to run clean, and I had managed to have a little cry at the glamorous feeling of the dirt being washed away. The palms of my hands hurt and I tried to wrap a towel around them to ensure they didn't get infected, which I was pretty sure they were.

Someone had put the delicate and beautiful dress out for me, along with proper under things. And it felt like home when I was wearing actual clothing.

It was late into the night when Felix came to collect me.

"You clean up pretty well," he said when I opened my door. I wasn't sure if it had been meant as a compliment, so I didn't comment on it.

I knew why I was being summoned. And I knew who awaited me down in the throne room. But my brain and heart weren't ready to see them. It was something I had desired from the very first moment I had been taken by Philippe, to be reunited with my mum and dad. But now, I felt more broken and dirty than I ever had.

How could I look my family in the eyes full well knowing what I'd become?

Maybe they shouldn't have come for me. Maybe that had been the real reason Edward hadn't come to save me that night. He saw what I'd become and never wanted me near his family-his daughter- ever again.

Akharad's locket was sitting on my collar bone right where my family pendant should have been. And it provided a different kind of comfort than my own necklace, but all the same I clutched it as we got closer to the room.

A soft caressing melody played in my mind as each step brought me closer to those I loved, unsure of how this day would end. Felix opened the large doors and soft light spilled into the darkened hallway where I stood. I bit my lip and ducked my head.

I followed Felix unable to look up, shaking with doubt and grief.

I heard many gasps and then I heard a sound that pulled the tears from my eyes.

Esme had cried my name out with such pain and longing I doubted there was a soul in the room that didn't feel the tenderness she felt towards me.

I hadn't raised my head to look at them as I followed Felix to stand before the three chairs on the dais, but I could feel them off to my right not more than ten feet away.

"Evangeline is there anything you'd like to say?" Aro asked, and I could sense a sort of tone in his voice that was vaguely familiar to the way the district judge had talked to me after my mum disappeared.

"Please," I slowly looked up to him, and took notice of Marcus sitting there with a slight air of boredom. "Aro, sir, please don't hurt them. P-please."

"Ah, so you know they had violated our laws by telling you of our existence," he had been hoping for that, I assumed.

The need, the desire to look at them grew in me. But if they were to be destroyed I wasn't sure how I would cope with that.

"I cannot make excuses for their actions sir, but please I will do anything you ask of me, I would have you change me now if only-only you…"I hiccupped trying to contain my tears.

"I know this. And as you are aware this is a delicate matter," Aro turned his attention to my family and I bowed my head again wishing I could clench my fists, but as they hurt already it would only do me more harm. "The law has been broken by the Cullen's," Aro announced, and I felt a cold chill go through my body.

I saw Caius out of the corner of my eye, a small evil little smile creeping across his face.

"However, I have consulted with my brothers, and we agree that this is certainly a troubling time for all. Alice dear, the darkness you see, is it there for all of us here as well?"

"I can't see for everyone Aro, but for you and Caius just as with my family we seem to be going in and out of the dark." The voice, _her_ voice, my lovely sister Alice's voice ripped a cry out of me. It abruptly brought Aro's attention back to me.

She sounded so amazing to me, she sounded like peace and like home. I pressed my eyes together tightly.

"Do not cry Evangeline. For I will only ask a few small favors of you and if you can do them you and your family will be free to leave." Aro consoled me his voice patient and kind.

"What would you ha-have me do sir?" I asked my voice quaking with the longing to gaze at my family without worry they'd be taken from me or me from them.

Aro spoke in Italian and I heard Jasper say something, it was quickly followed by hissing. Confused I opened my eyes and looked around. That was my undoing.

My eyes met my family's. All eight of them were looking at me with longing and worry on their angelic faces, dark circles under their eyes. And they were as unkempt as I had ever seen them. Jasper however had another look of anger and I knew him well enough to know it wasn't directed at me. I nearly fell apart looking at my mum. Esme was shaking subtly, her face contorting in a mother's pain wanting to go to her child when she was not allowed.

"Aro, what you are asking-she doesn't even know _how_ she did it, let alone how to _control_ it or reverse it," Edward spoke up passionately but with restraint of possible respect or fear of Aro's position.

My eyes looked past my family unwillingly and I saw that Afton and carried the still form of Bianca down and was carrying her over to place her in front of me. I felt nauseated realizing what Aro was going to ask me to do. Bianca was still in the exact same position she had been when the lights went blank.

"Aro, Caius, Marcus, old friends please-" Carlisle began.

"She will do it _friend_. She must. However if you think proper stimulation is needed Edward-" Caius interrupted and nodded to Jane who blurred forward.

All of my family started growling and hissing.

"Aro, if you will allow me, I believe I could have the same result without actually causing her pain," Jasper spoke loudly over the growing noise. Aro held a hand out to calm the gathered vampires to watch the spectacle.

"Very well then, Jasper," Aro gave me a considering glance before taking his seat. Afton stepped back into the line of the guard waiting around the edge of the round room.

I shuffled slowly to Bianca's still and outstretched arm. The same one I had wrestled myself out of when she was first stuck like this.

Jasper came up next to me, close enough I could feel the coolness of his body.

"Don't…touch me Jasper," I warned him with a worried whisper. I felt like a ticking time bomb and I didn't know what would set me off. Or if what I had done had been a fluke.

Jasper stood on the other side of Bianca and our eyes met over her head, as I was slightly taller than her.

"What were you feeling when she touched you?" he asked gently, his eyebrows puckering together slightly.

I drudged up the feelings I'd had just before she had been about to force me into the bath. That tight tension that had told me I needed a break from all of the pain and complications. I showed Jasper by reflecting on the intricacies of the emotions I had felt just before the anger at being ordered around yet again and treated like vermin had cause me to snap.

He nodded once and started to push those same emotions at me again. I should have known how good he was because the same tension building in me while I touched Bianca had the lights flashing back on all around me. But oddly I could feel something near me, and it was blank, it wasn't gone just _not_ bright.

Was that _Bianca_? Blank? _Off_ not _on_?

I hadn't known how long I tried to figure out what was what with the lights, but it was causing a migraine and then suddenly I was falling backwards.

"She is exhausted, dehydrated, starved and emotionally distraught!" I heard Carlisle yell. I found myself kneeling on the ground in front of Bianca. Jasper kneeling with me his hands inches away from mine on the cold marble. We were looking at each other through her legs.

"Again, Evangeline." Caius ordered.

.~.

Three times I had fainted before I was able to do anything.

It was the hardest I'd ever pushed or thought or concentrated on anything. And Alice must have seen it work because when I managed to find the blank darkness that seemed to know _me_ and I reversed it Alice pulled me back and away from Bianca by the sash of my summer dress then flipped instantly over me to block the swift movement of Bianca.

A lot of hissing and growling instantly was silenced by Caius as I sank to my knees. I was shaking so violently it felt like my body was the epicenter of an earth quake.

"She needs rest." Edward spoke sternly, at half a growl that had me swivel my shaking head to look at him.

The entire family had formed a semi circle around me and my brain was too exhausted to form any full thoughts to communicate to Edward.

If things were bad at that second it went to hell in a split second, and I couldn't even comprehend what was going on.

I thought it was Jane doing something to me at first, because it was painful, whatever was happening to me. But it wasn't a burning pain and my throat was cracking as I screamed on the marble floor, my eyes pinched tightly shut.

When the odd pain stopped I could understand it better. It was as if I had been cut off from my own body, paralyzed and the thing that was cutting me off from myself had been sharp and it stung. I was panting on the floor in a pool of drool and no one was touching me.

Maybe the vampires in the throne room were just as mystified as to what had just happened as I was. Face down on the floor I could see the base of the dais and the feet of the chairs Marcus, Aro and Caius were still seated in.

Carlisle was behind me, that much I could tell as he was leaning over me his hands hovering as if about to touch me. His eyes were swimming with tears and numbly I looked at him.

"How am I to tend her if I cannot touch her?" he asked Aro. I stayed staring at Carlisle. My dad.

.~.

Alex must have done something again because for the third time in less than 48 hours I was brought out of the numbness and agonizing reality welcomed me back to consciousness.

Again, I was in bed. But this time the vampires in the room with me consisted of my family. Well, when I got a look around it was my family plus Alex. Esme was the first thing I saw when I blinked my eyes clear of the fuzzyness.

"Evangelne!" she cried and moved swiftly to hug me on the bed. The lights flashed quickly and I screamed, not wanting what I'd done to Bianca to happen to Esme. She froze centimeters from touching me, her eyes swimming and her face crumpled in agony.

Edward put a hand on Esme's shoulder and guided her back to a sitting position.

"She doesn't think she can control it. She knows you aren't a threat mom." Edward comforted her.

I took a moment to just soak in the fact I was in the same room as my family, while the wild thoughts flew through my head so quickly and randomly I wasn't sure when I could ever ask them aloud.

Were they going to be destroyed? Where was Ren? Why hadn't they rescued me from the camp? What had I done to Bianca? What had been done to me right after?

"Evangeline… what happened to your hands?" Carlisle asked, not bothering to hide his dread filled concern and broken voice.

I looked to them, and saw they had been re bandaged. And then I realized the whole of me had been seen to. The burns on my body had coverings. The scratches down my arms had Band-Aids. My body and mind were like a war veterans. I couldn't just relish the feeling of my family being near me as a hundred years had passed since I had seen them last.

Looking up into Carlisle's eyes I saw him as if we were divided by a veil, as if he were falling further away from me.

"I k-killed," I whispered laboriously. I bit my lip at the sudden over flow of my tears at the way agony passed through Carlisle's features. I had never seen such a horrible sadness expressed on his face before, it was so profound. He started shaking and he bowed his head as tearless sobs ripped from him, as I shook with my own sorrow, my eyes supplying enough water for the two of us. Esme put her arms around him and started sobbing with him.

"Evangeline," he whimpered and it pierced me, his pain. The pain I caused him because I'd done something so horrible I no longer belonged in his family.

"Never," Edward's sorrow filled voice cracked. The whole family came closer to me, Rose scooted on the floor near the foot of the bed her hand on the covers as if to sooth me, Emmet kneeling next to her. Jasper's head was bowed and I could barely make out his profile as Alice stood in his arms, her wide golden eyes staring at me achingly tortured. Bella was directly behind Carlisle; Edward was now kneeling next to me, his bronze hair looking much more limp and colorless than I had ever seen it.

"I am-so-sorry-… my little girl…" Carlisle stuttered as he cried out.

I sobbed harder hearing his pain hunching over my legs, tears were so thick I was gasping out for air. I needed Esme to hold me, needed to know I wasn't a monster. I needed to be held, and yet… I knew if they tried my own body would do something horrible to them. It would be beyond my control, because Bianca had broken a dam inside me.

A box of tissues was gently pushed into my side, and I felt the warm glow of the lights brimming on the sides of my eyes. I started blowing my nose, my body once again feeling the exhaustion but I forced myself not to give in to it. After the three weeks of hell I needed to look at the people that loved me. I needed to know _why. _

"Alice had seen the vampire-Philippe catch your scent," Edward's voice was but a whisper and he seemed afraid to speak. "I had called Seth the same second Alice called you, but-" he broke off and I slowly shuffled back against the giant head board to watch him.

"It hadn't been enough. Seth- he caught their scent in the sewers and tried to follow you. It was still dark in the shadow of the buildings and they left in a car. Alice had lost sight of you as he pursued you."

I envisioned Seth bare foot in pajama bottoms as he ran after a nondescript car as I was carried away by nameless vampires, it brought remote and drafty warmth to my heart. He must have been so distraught.

"He was-he _is_. Jake had to Alpha order him to eat. He's been blaming himself."

Hollowly I nodded, letting the twinge of guilt for acting so foolish help stop the tears from flowing. My brain and I were at odds with one another as I debated whether I wanted to hear everything that had happened since I had been taken. It was better hearing about what happened on their end than having to retell-relive- what had happened to me. Telling them wouldn't undo it and it would only serve to cause them grief and guilt, I wasn't sure they earned.

"Wh-whats going to happen now? Will they let us go?" my eyes turned briefly to look at Alice and then went back to Edwards sorrow filled face.

"Aro… he will let us go. But he has a few conditions, which in my opinion are because he is intrigued by you," his eyebrows pinched in the middle, and it seemed that whatever Aro thought of me might not be exactly something he wanted to repeat in front of Esme and Carlisle.

"He is still figuring out all of what he wants to ask-" Alice started her beautiful voice tiny and full of worry.

"And I have to warn everybody here, that what he might ask isn't… isn't very pretty," Edward interrupted Alice and looked at the others before resting his eyes on me.

"Why don't you tell us so we can be prepared?" Esme asked suddenly sharp.

Looking back and forth between Edward and Esme I saw the tension and fury in her glare.

"Mom-" Edward began,

"Don't you mom me Edward! Look at HER!" She screamed at him. My lights flashed weakly and I back further away from her and Carlisle's forms on my bed. I had never seen Esme so furious, she looked lethal and it frightened me.

Then they talked over one another.

"Esme you are terrifying Eva." Japser stepped closer which caused the lights to feebly distracting me slightly.

"Why did you not tell me what was happening to her!" Esme yelled at Edward over Jasper.

"Calm down Esme!" Bella said urgently coming to Edwards defense.

"_She was being tortured!_ **Look** at her hands! Edward LOOK! Look at her skin! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME? My own daughter!" Esme's fury was being crumbled by grief and sorrow as she yelled at Edward. She took a small glance in my direction as she had stood up behind Carlisle, her hands on his shoulders. His head was still ducked while his hand snaked up to hold one of Esme's hands.

"Esme! Calm down!" Jasper shouted, but Esme ignored him again.

"We should have gone that first night!"

"I couldn't see Esme! We had no idea what-"

"She's YOUR SISTER and you LEFT her there!" Esme yelled again, her face a powerful contortion of anger.

It was as if the angry monster inside of me, that small voice that ate at me while at the concentration camp that told me they weren't coming for me, had taken over Esme's body. It broke my heart to see her so angry, so furious at her own children. My body and mind were scared due to an insane vampire and perhaps Zhan would be thrilled to know that her playtime had transformed my mother into a vengeful monster.

"HOW could I tell you! How could I tell _any_ of you what Alice saw, whenever it was that Alice saw _anything_? Do you have any idea how hard it's been knowing that we couldn't do ANYTHING?" Edward said back, though he wasn't quiet shouting his tone was so sharp it was almost worse than yelling.

Esme had been about to say something when I heard Jasper growl.

Instantly he was next to Esme his hand gently on her forearm. I felt a rush of serenity go through me and I laxly blinked looking at my family now. Esme's eyes drooped a little and her shoulders seemed to slump.

Everyone was on their feet. Carlisle had stood to watch what Jasper was doing; Edward had taken Bella in his arms and buried his face in her hair.

"Jasper you can let up." Edward sighed helplessly.

"What-" Esme began, her kind voice back her eyes taking in the others expressions. When she landed on me her eyes crinkled at the edges.

"Esme, please, look what you're doing to Eva," Rose quietly said while taking a seat near where my knees would have been if I was laying down. Carlisle took Esme in his arms after giving Jasper a nod. Jasper went back to hold Alice and I felt the bed dip slightly as my mum and dad sat back down at their original spot on my right side.

"I can't even touch her," Esme whimpered her eyes reaching out to me.

Any time they'd move around me I felt the burn rather than the actual lights. And my body knew preparing itself against any and all contact from those it felt a threat. If I could only tell my body that _this_ **was** _my_ **family**, and that I needed them to touch me.

I was reminded of the times Kevin would hold me and try to touch me before I'd been ready. But this situation although similar in a fashion, was much worse. And I thought to Seth, how even when I first met him the lights had never happened around him. And I desperately wanted to see him, maybe my body would be okay if it was Seth, maybe I wouldn't hurt him, freeze him like I had Bianca.

"Edward," I toneless whispered, "I want to know what Aro is planning on asking me to do."

"He will want you to sing…" the last word hung in the air. And once the words soaked in, I felt sick. How in the hell was I going to sing in front of these vampires as emotionally unstable as I was…

"Evangeline," my eyes felt heavy as I looked to Edward again.

"I'll do whatever I can to make sure all of us make it out of here alive." I said aloud, and I didn't actually want to think about what Aro could ask of me. My body and mind could taste safety and freedom, and I would promise Aro anything.

There was a moment where the family and I shared looked. Emmett was still pacing worriedly. And Jasper had yet to look me in the eyes.

"Evangeline we need to tell you something-something about what happened after you turned Bianca back on."

"-Is that what it was?" Emmett asked intrigued.

"-Was that part of the lights you see? Is it why we can't touch you?" Esme asked over Emmett looking both to me and Edward for the answer. Edward sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. Carlisle still looked so broken and lost, as if he didn't know if or when to say something.

"Are you talking about th-that pain? The cutting numbness?" I asked, and I wrapped my arms around myself praying that it never happened again.

"It appears our ability's clash," Bella stated timidly. My eyes went wide and I looked at her.

Edward, with Bella's help then explained what had happened in the throne room.

In order to help protect me Bella threw her shield around me just after I reactivated Bianca. I wasn't even sure if reactivated was a good word for it, but it was the only way we had to describe what I'd done.

From what they could guess was that my ability needed to "see" in order to function properly. Jasper had suggested it was like cutting my brain off from a sensory function I'd been using all my life without knowing it. Bella putting her shield over me cut me off from it. I told her never, under any circumstances to do it again. The family was shocked when I told them how painful it had been. I feebly attempted to ease Bella's sorrow filled expression after Edward pointed out that I had never been under the protection of her shield and no one knew how I'd react to it.

"I do not like how vulnerable it leaves you," Jasper stated crossly.

"It's not like she has a choice," Rose reasoned, rolling her eyes.

"With or without Bella's shield I am the most vulnerable in the family," I mumbled my eyes gravitating to stare at the bandages on my hands. That left a heady silence in the room.

.~.

"Ah Evangeline… well rested I presume?" Aro smiled a serene and creepy smile at me.

We had all been ushered into the main chamber just after I had a small lunch. My stomach still not feeling sturdy enough for a full meal I hadn't even room or energy for the large delicious looking piece of cake they had given me.

Esme stood to my right, a few careful inches between our shoulders. The rest of my family fanned out around me.

I shrugged my shoulders at his question.

"Now that you have restored Bianca there are only a few more matters we need to discuss to clear the air-" he smiled evilly his nostrils flaring and a mild laugh at his own joke slipped out of him, "Firstly, your change will happen, that is certain. I have seen the conviction your brother has to change you himself. But when the time comes for it, in two years, it shall be done _here_. Under our supervision."

The whole room was silent for a moment as Aro lazily steepled his hands over his lap while sitting in his throne. And I was surprised at how many vampires were here for this. I suspected Aro wanted a show, perhaps to stick it to my family. But I would consider it a victory for me to leave here alive so Aro could play all the little games he wanted.

I nodded rather than risk speaking.

"Good, now there is a small delicate matter, a request more than a command. If you would be so kind as to oblige my guard and my brothers, we are aware of what a beautiful singer you are and are content to the actions you have taken to hide your face from the public in preparation for your change. But if you would be so kind would you sing us a song?"

His request though seemingly simple did not feel that way to me. I hadn't even so much as hummed in the last three weeks let alone sang. I sighed, knowing I would do it. I would sing even though my heart wasn't in it, just so I could be taken out of here and back home, wherever that was. I certainly had no real emotional affection towards the house in Maine. The house in Reedsburg seemed the likely choice, but my soul did feel the pull to that place anymore.

Some vampire carried in a baby grand near the platform, closest to the chair Caius sat at. And I expected Edward to go sit down, but rather Jane made her way to the bench. I was terrified that Aro would request a song I didn't know and I would be punished for being un able to sing it.

"There is a song from your memory that I believe all gathered will enjoy. Now young Evangeline," Aro practically purred my name, his milky red eyes staring interestedly into mine.

The first notes of Veni Veni Emmanuel were delicately played out on the piano, it echoed off the walls in a holy solemn way.

Broken images of a man with sandy brown hair and light brown eyes that were staring straight into mine, cut through my mind. I could feel the ghost of his scarred and warm hand in mine. I remembered the soft river of tears that trailed down his cheeks and glistened in the soft first light of the new day when his body finally succumbed to death.

Adam.

Aro was a _cruel_ bastard. The tears in my eyes pooled and I bitterly turned away from the brothers on their thrones and looked to Edward. Jane stopped playing the song as I had missed my cue. Aro said something in Italian and Jane started up again.

This was Adam's song. From the moment I had sung it in those woods, watching as his life slipped away from me, it had been _his_ song. Aro knew that.

I used the grief over the memory of what had happened to me, of what had happened to Adam, to help pull the courage to sing the song again.

Jasper must have pushed some courage and love through to me because it helped me gain the ability to open my mouth and push out the notes.

I reverted back to my old tendency of closing my eyes and singing out to the dark, wondering if Adam or my mum was listening. The echo of my voice filled the domed horror room. It felt symbolic to me, almost as if I was a caged bird singing to be set free, my captors watching as the notes took life coming out of me. When I had finished the song I hung my head slightly, taking in long breaths to help calm my mind. Such a beautiful song should _never_ have been sung in a place of such senseless death and destruction.

Aro started clapping, and a few scattered other followed his lead; the whole throne room must have had twenty vampires around, not including my family. I slowly looked up and towards my family, to gauge their reaction. For the most part they still looked scared and torn about what was going on. Rose gave me a slight encouraging smile. Then my eyes looked a little more about the room. I caught sight of Philippe standing near Bianca on the other side of the room. And for the first time since I had a good look at him, Philippe did not look bored. In fact he looked surprised and a little sad.

"Well then, we shall be sending some guard members to regularly check up on you Evangeline, to make sure you are being well cared for ." I knew there was some sort of underlying threat in his words but I didn't know what it was.

"If we deem it necessary Alice we may need your help in capturing this Zhan woman." Aro caught my flinch at the mention of her name. The memory of her happy and excited eyes reflected in my mind.

"Capture?" Alice asked her voice thinly held the horror she felt.

"My dear, one such as powerful as her could surely see the benefit of working with us." Caius grandly gestured to those in the hall.

I scoffed mentally. Zhan would love to play with these vampires. Her demented mind would feast of the fact Aro would know every perverted and ill thought that stumbled into her head.

"Something to add?" Caius sneered at me, and I looked up sharply at him, realizing I had scoffed out loud.

"I-I," I stuttered out, frantically looking to Edward then Philippe.

"Masters, if I may?" Philippe said confidently from his spot, his strong and handsome voice echoing around me.

Caius' eyes narrowed slightly and he pursed his lips before, probably, nodding his approval. Philippe was working for the Volturi now? Did they force him? Or had he wanted to?

"Master Aro I would strongly suggest you review all I had shown you. All Evangeline has shown you. Zhan gives orders, she does not take them," Philippe looked imploringly at the leaders his accent giving the words a firm edge.

"But she will follow her mates' instruction, will she not?" Aro asked his tone patent.

Mate? That demon had someone she_… impossible_. My mind rejected the very thought that someone could possibly love such a creature. I gaped at Philippe across the room, his dark skin standing out amongst the pale white of all the others in the room.

"I do not know how you would plan to accomplish it and I will leave it to your council to decide what is best, but my suggestion is simply to destroy her, and her mate, at the first opportunity you have." Philippe finished his statement with a bow of his head.

Aro slowly stood from his throne and I shied away as he carefully and slowly approached me. Jane was once again nearest Caius's throne watching me intently.

"You truly have been blessed with a multitude of gifts, Evangeline," yet again he purred my name. "Carlisle, at some point soon I would very much like you and your family to come spend some time in Volterra, perhaps after young Evangeline has joined us in immortality." Aro spoke to my father but was looking at me with fascination, not bothering to hide the greedy look I saw.

_Edward, please remember to tell me everything he's been thinking about me once we get far, far away from here. _

Aro looked like he wanted to stroke my cheek or take my hand in his and kiss my knuckles, but when I flinched slightly I heard a vampire hiss and he promptly glided away from me. He must have thought the lights had flashed, and I wasn't sure why they hadn't.

The last look I had of that room and the vampires within was of Philippe standing there with the bored and blank face I was accustomed to seeing on him. And I realized it then, as I was leaving, that he was the reason I hadn't been killed along with all of the other humans at the camp. I clutched at Akharad's locket while I wondered why he had done it.

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AN: I had originally wanted to title this chapter "Aro is a cruel Bastard" but thought that it might be a little too long for a chapter title. Also Aro could have been far crueler. I may have to update next week on Sunday as I am having a huge struggle with pushing myself through the next few chapters. Wish me luck! Please let me know how you like my characterization of the Volturi.

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	11. Not Quite Home

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

**Panthalassa : High Tide**

**Chapter 11 - Not Quite Home**

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I didn't actually break down into a fit of sobs until we got to our destination, which happened to be Forks, WA.

After I had been taken, and Seth had gone as far as getting on a plane to Shanghai in an attempt to follow the vampires that had taken me, the family met in Alaska with the cousins. Everyone was absolutely frantic, no more so than Esme, Carlisle and Alice. Because of the werewolves that were at the "Gates" Alice didn't always get clear images of me. And from what she had seen she had shared very little with the family.

Alice had explained to me as I sat in Edward's old bedroom in Forks that she and Edward did not have the heart to tell our parents what was being done to me. And from their perspective I understood why they hadn't.

They had arrived in Alaska about two hours before I arrived at the camp. Tanya had called every vampire she knew and asked them to come to a meeting to see what could be done for me. The Irish coven, four random nomads Garrett knew, the Brazilian coven and Peter and Charlotte showed up.

Because she couldn't see with the wolves and Ren around they had been sent to a separate house. Jake was in wolf form to be in contact with Embry (Sam had stopped phasing and passed his pack on to Embry less than a year before).

But even with twenty five vampires Alice could see no real way to rescue me. It was partly because the other werewolves, even in human form could block her, and partly because several of the vampires weren't sold on risking their lives to rescue a human. It put a huge strain on Jasper's relationship with Peter and Charlotte, he was still furious at them.

When Zhan came back to camp the window closed tightly on their rescuing plans. The whole family, cousins included, was sent into a spiral of angst and varying forms of depression. Alice had seen very bad things happening to me as well as the family if they attempted to rescue me while Zhan was there, they couldn't define it but Bella's gift wouldn't be enough of a help to take the camp with Zhan there. Jasper had to stay away from Esme as her depressed emotions were far too strong for him to cope with. Carlisle had to quit his job at the hospital in Maine because he knew this could be a long affair. And he would admit to me later that he had been terrified he would lose me and in the process lose his mind in grief.

They hadn't been able to tell me any of this information until about a week after I had been back in their safe company.

At first they took me to their old house. They were still unable to touch me, we tested it and the lights were raging any time I could feel their cool bodies near mine. It broke my heart that I couldn't even be held by them.

The hardest night had been my first back. I was screaming in my sleep, crying out for Esme and I was woken abruptly by the lights flashing only to find Esme had been about to hold me. Edward gently pulled her away from my tear streaked face and sweat laden body. I wanted to curl into a ball at the pain I saw so plainly etched into every part of her, having to watch me suffer like I was. And I really _was_ suffering.

Ren was able to hold me. But my mind was like a broken mirror and it would always jump to the most horrible memory and impose it over any moment applicable. Ren was the same size as Zhan and even though their body temperatures differed greatly, my mind had a hard time not feeling repulsion at her embrace.

Seth, god he looked absolutely broken and he had definitely lost some weight. But even his embrace didn't feel right to me. At least he could hold me when I cried; at least he could wake me up in the middle of one of my nightmares without the risk of the lights going off. And for the first week it had worked out well. Jasper and Edward would sit outside my door as I fell asleep. Jasper would hold a thick wave of serenity and calm over me while Edward watched and waited for the first flashes of a nightmare to break into my dreams. Seth would come into the room and wake me just as Zhan started some other evil game with me. The lingering image of her crazy happy ruby red eyes always stayed with me when I woke.

Eventually Seth just stayed in my bed with me and gently ran his hands through my hair while I listened to the rhythm of his strong heart.

Aside from the inability to sleep, there was my inability to focus on much. My attention would be on a conversation or movie and slowly I would find myself just staring blankly. Not actually remembering what the topic or movie had been about. I never had any other thoughts interrupting me but it was like I was becoming willingly numb.

Food tasted horrible to me, at first they were going to have me smoke a little weed to get my appetite up, but when I violently shook with horror and the memory of camp, Edward put a stop to it. When I did eat it wasn't much. Even chocolate couldn't entice me.

I couldn't express all of the thoughts going through my head all of the time. They fluctuated so quickly I was sure I was giving Edward and Jasper constant difficulties. Jasper was almost constantly near me and it was necessary because the second he left my side to feed, the panic set in and the terror at Zhan ever finding me again had me in hysterics.

Then there was my mood swings. They happened so quickly it scared me. One moment I would be sitting with Bella on the couch watching the news, zoning out like usual then the next I would get angry. Jasper said it was common for someone who had survived such a horrible ordeal, but I hated it. I hated being angry and it made me angrier.

After dinner on my fourth night back I sat on my bed and stared at the new bandages on my palms and my rage cracked and splintered my reasonable mind. I remember standing up and going to the closet Alice had set up for me and ripping every piece of clothing down. I remember crying and screaming as I destroyed things in my room, wanting so much for something to be in my control.

Crying never helped like it was supposed to. It was suppose to help release emotions and give way to more thought on the matter. There was supposed to be that moment after bawling my eyes out of: What now? That thought was constantly on my mind, before, during, and after my tantrums, nightmares, and forcing food down my own throat.

Hazily I remember going to dinner at Rachel and Paul's house, their children's behavior was annoying but I ignored it. I talked little, and I participated even less in interactions after dinner.

It took Charlie Swan to help me out of the numb angry haze I was stuck in, and point me in the direction of getting my shit in order.

.~.

Charlie was never good at long speeches or overly warm and emotional gestures. This I had known from what Bella had told me, and from what I'd experienced at Thanksgiving with him.

I called Charlie and Sue's place "day care" as Carlisle had basically ordered me to get out of the house once in a while, instead of sulk around and randomly throw fits of breaking things. But it worked and it was disturbing to realize that my body and I guessed ability felt more comfortable around humans, because I rarely felt the random fluctuations while around Charlie.

"My deputy Rick, was in Iraq back in 2010," he began one day just after I had finished my one triangle square of a roast beef sandwich. I swallowed thickly and dully looked into his brown eyes. Sue gave me a small worried smile before moving the dishes to the sink.

Charlie stood up to help, groaning as his back straightened. My blank face slowly melted into a little frown. Sighing lightly I stood to help them.

"Have you had any contact with your agent?" Sue asked politely. I nodded.

"Briefly… long enough to explain my lack of contact and the fact I-that I won't be working for a while."

Sue tilted her head slightly, her short cropped peppered black and grey hair falling from its spot tucked behind her ear.

"Alice made the excuse, I just repeated it." I dully stated.

Shortly after the dishes were clean and the table wiped down, Sue and Charlie sat down to play a game of chess, they had offered me a chance to play but I refused. The game didn't seem like something Charlie would have preferred to do, and I quickly gathered my assumption was right as Sue looked content to play and Charlie resigned.

"So Eva, Bella tells me you don't really want to talk about much these days." Charlie spoke up conversationally. I pouted looking away from their match, and their faces.

"It's only been a week Charlie…" Sue admonished and I could tell she gave me a motherly worried look.

Charlie sighed long and loud, my eyes slowly drifted to him. His bushy old man eye brows were pushed together, and his bushy mustache twitched slightly.

"I thought you were made of stronger stuff…" he murmured. And it was the disappointment in his tone that wounded me.

"Stronger stuff?" I asked evenly. Our eyes met and the kind concerned way he looked back at me reminded me so vividly of Akharad I clenched my fists that were now properly healing over.

"Charlie," Sue rebuffed gently as she moved her rook.

"I may not know you as well as the Cullen's Eva, hell I am sure Edward would tell you the same thing I am going to tell you if the man knew how. But you are better than this. Letting that woman win-"

"Letting her win?" I shrieked suddenly, I pushed myself away from the table my stare turning into a confused and angry one.

"What do you think her ultimate goal was Eva, in torturing you so?" Charlie asked calmly, his eyes following me. There was a calm patient look on his face and I instantly wanted to wipe it off.

"What right do you have-" I began.

"I have seen evil, Eva. I have. Not just the stuff of monsters that Bella is a part of now. But the worse stuff. The stuff humans do to each other -the kind of vile and evil things that _should_ only exist in her world. The only way to combat that kind of torment, that kind of malevolence is to find the good in life and make it great." His old voice was measured and firm.

"**How **am I letting her win?" Curiosity over Charlie's thoughts on the matter seemed to be winning over anger, and I supposed it was probably because in a vague way Charlie was reminding me of my only friend in that camp.

"Every second you spend not enjoying the life you have, and the people that love you and would do anything for you, you let her win. As far as I can tell she wanted to break you. Don't let her have succeeded." And with that Charlie moved his knight to take one of Sue's pawns.

I was speechless for a second, wondering why none of my family had this conversation with me, because although it hurt to hear what he was saying, it was also lifting a weight off of me I hadn't known was there. When I asked Charlie that very question he frowned slightly, his eyes briefly meeting Sue's.

"They were afraid their words would have the opposite effect. In fact I think Alice may have seen just that. You have a great many important conversations you need to have with the Cullen's and soon."

"So they told you to talk to me?" I asked looking between the two elderly people. I felt half tricked and half glad.

"No. _We_ decided to talk with you." Sue stated confidently.

"Wha-"

"Have you even bothered to find out what is going on in their world? Now that you have been reunited with them?" Sue asked, only a slight edge to her voice.

"I've been kind of busy dealing with the fact I've been through torture." I I said icily laying my palms on the table for her to see the bandages and remind her what lay beneath them.

"Then deal with it. You've been through so much in your young life, and you _are _strong enough to work your way through this too." Charlie said.

"Why do you care?" I asked bitterly turning away from the table entirely and feeling for my cell phone so I could ask Esme to come pick me up.

"Because you are breaking my son's heart, and even if it isn't your fault that it's happening, you need to know that all of our actions of consequences for those we care about. Have you even talked to Seth about what happened in Scotland?" she asked carefully.

For a split second I thought she was referencing the fact he and I were sort of in love with one another. I hadn't really thought on my feelings towards him since being back, and it took Sue to make me realize how unfair it was. But she probably meant the fact I had been taken right under his nose.

It became too much for me to talk with about them. They assumed because I was able to find a way to cope with my mum vanishing, and my rape and the fact my own biological father had been a werewolf that I would be able to cope with being tortured. It was completely not even in the same world as those other things. There was so much anger I had inside me and I knew where I wanted to direct it. I knew I wanted to yell and blame my family for it.

But one thought had circled in my brain after they'd rescued me. If Alice hadn't told me their secret, if she hadn't brought me into the family, I could have ended up in Scotland after a tour, maybe a couple years down the line. And just like she had seen I would have been turned; I would have become a vampire anyway. It would have only been after a long hell filled human existence that Zhan would then turn me. Alice had spared me that fate. It hurt and frustrated me; there were so many conflicting emotions just on that one topic alone.

I felt like I should apologize to Alice for ever being mad at her manipulating my life. But I was so bitter and angry at the fact they hadn't been able to rescue me. What good were their super abilities and strength if they couldn't even stop that travesty from happening? What about all those people? If the family had acted sooner, or had not been afraid to contact the Volturi maybe those people would still be alive. And I hated them for it. I hated them because I couldn't understand.

I both wanted to be changed and feared it. If changed I could protect myself, finally. If changed I didn't have to dream ever again and face the nightmares of Zhan. If changed perhaps this ability of mine would allow me to put a stop to her. But I didn't want to be a part of that nightmare world, if my dreams were any indication.

How was I supposed to move on from here when I had no idea where to start? Did I start with the conversation with Seth? A conversation that I had no idea what I wanted to have happen? Did I still want Seth? Did I want to fall in love with him, and let him become my sun, much like how Jake had been Bella's sun in her darkest hours?

Did I start with how I worried about how they felt about me now? Carlisle had yet to talk to me about what I'd done to that woman. I suspected he was waiting until I felt "settled" in or something to that effect. Because I couldn't imagine it sat well with him that I was a murderer. Did I tell him I needed his forgiveness as much as Edward ever had? Or did I wait till he figured it out on his own and came to me? I was angry at him for not coming to me sooner. Seven days of me being nothing but a shell, they must have all wanted to talk to me, to sooth my worries. The worries I wasn't voicing, I thought surely Edward would have helped them and me through this.

Or did I start with that? How I was horribly and ghastly saddened that Edward had to be caught in the middle of all of this? Or Jasper? Did I apologize to them for being unable to control what I thought or how I felt?

There was a never ending supply of thoughts and starting points. And I would rather just _not_, at that point. But Charlie had brought it stingingly back into focus for me that not only was I letting what Zhan did affect me, but I was letting it hurt my family too.

I left Charlie and Sue's not long after that. I thanked them baldly for the lunch, and begrudgingly thanked them for adding more things to think about on top of everything else.

.~.

It wasn't an easy conversation. But I didn't expect it to be so tiresome. We finally sat down to have that family discussion about, well, everything.

To set the scene we were on the Res, sitting with the wolves and their imprints, a large bond fire going steadily in front of all seated. Going from my left side was Seth he had his arm gently draped over my shoulders in a supportive gesture. Then Esme, Carlisle, Emmett and Rosalie shared a flat wood piece. Jared, Kim, Paul, Rachel, Sam, Emily, Leah, Quil and Claire had lawn chairs and picnic table benches all set up close together and at a decent distance from the fire. Claire was roasting marshmellows. And a part of me scoffed at the audacity that she had to do such a frivolous thing at such an important discussion. But another part was like; "Ooo Marshmellows" which surprised me because I hadn't wanted any food in the days I'd been back.

After the large portion of wolves sat the old crowd; Billy, Sue, and Charlie. Seth had told me how Billy was having some major difficulties with his diabetes and his health was deteriorating rapidly. I couldn't drum up the emotion enough to feel sorry for him, Jake or Rachel. When I had seen so many people's lives be taken and ruined in a more horrible way, dying from a natural cause at an old age was a blessing.

In a rare show Jake sat next to his father not near his mate. On Billy's left sat the remaining wolves, Embry, Brady and his imprint Samantha, and Collin. Edward and Bella were next and directly next to Bella was Ren. She was holding my hand in hers, her grip a little firm but I wasn't about to say anything to her. Jasper and Alice were both standing directly behind Ren and myself. Jasper was using a calming manipulation to help me relax. I had asked him this time.

"Where to start?" Carlisle spoke first, once we were comfortable.

I mashed my lips together and tried to sort through my thoughts.

"What are the Volturi going to do about this woman?" Sam asked from his spot, his face hidden from me by the shadows the fire was creating.

So we just jumped into it. Just like that.

As a group the Cullen's and the Cousins were going to offer their assistance to the Volturi to help in destroying Zhan. But what the wolves didn't know and what bothered my family greatly was the fact we weren't just going to be fighting Zhan. She had a mate. And from Philippe's thoughts Edward knew he was mightily powerful.

"Philippe only met him the one time, it was shortly after Zhan discovered Philippe in Jamaica," Edward began explaining his tone purposeful, "His name is Yi Wei and it is his ability that both terrifies Aro and fascinated him. The reason for Philippe to meet Wei was so that Wei could gauge whether or not Philippe's ability was able to be taken. Wei has the ability to take another vampires special ability by killing the talented vampire. The method of which he accomplished this is unknown. Philippe's thoughts speculated to the brain, and to the fact Wei can hold many ability's but can only use one at a time.

"Aro and Caius desire to ally themselves with Zhan and Wei. However Philippe knows Zhan's true mission. The reason Zhan is alone at that camp is so that Philippe could harvest new abilities from humans for Wei. Wei himself has remained hidden due to a fear the couple have over a vampire Philippe has heard Zhan reference the 'Ryu', or dragon in Japanese. Philippe believed that they were afraid of this_ Ryu_ and that was the purpose of the ability seeking throughout the world. With Zhan's ability they are also killing off other vampires. Philippe had personally seen Zhan order newborns to go seek and destroy any other vampires they came across."

"Which explains the mysterious disappearances and attacks around the world," Emmett stated angrily, shaking his head sadly.

"It is the exact reason why we need to work together," Carlisle added.

"So what is our role in this going to be?" Jared asked, he too had been considering stopping his phasing so he could grow old with Kim.

"You won't have one, not really," Alice chirped up.

A grumbling went through the crowd.

"At most you'll be on guard to protect each other should something happen. We do not know if Zhan or Wei knows of your existence. Should they find out about you… it could be a slaughter." Jasper added.

"We also block Alice's visions and it is vital to keeping everyone safe that she can see clearly," Seth's tone was honest but it belied a certain pain.

"We are going to sit here and do nothing while you take all the risks?" Quil asked, he looked at the group with wide disbelieving eyes.

"It is probably the best plan right now," the tribe elder spoke up, and looking at Billy I could tell he didn't like the idea of senseless death of his tribe any more than he liked it for the family of "Cold Ones" across from him.

"Why-don-we-change-Eva," Claire said through a mouth full of marshmellow. She was so funny and ridiculous I got one bark of a laugh out before I saw everyone's gaze shift from Claire to me. They were shocked I'd actually laughed.

"That _is _a fair question," I waved my hand at Claire. And aside from the fact I didn't really want to be changed, I didn't have much of a choice if my family were going to survive.

"Philippe instructed us that she needs two more years, and the Volturi desire to wait that long." Carlisle explained giving me a half guilty look.

"And even if that wasn't an issue, Eva needs to cope with what's happened. She needs time to heal. Claire, once changed Eva will not be able to grow and she'll be stuck exactly as she is. Mentally, physically… everything freezes," it was an odd turn that Rosalie spoke up. Her warm golden eyes locked with mine and she gave me a tiny supportive grin.

Claire looked at me through the fire and made a small squeak like noise. Ren whispered in my ear that Claire had apologized for her stupid comment.

The next topic we went to had been about what the Volturi were going to ask of the Cullen's for their breach of the law. It was what I had expected, they wanted the Cullen's to join them and work for them in Volterra. If I hadn't been so tasty smelling and my safety always at risk Aro might have made us stay in their city for the two years until my change was supposed to happen. And although I had been told not to worry over the family's fate, when they were discussing it with the Quileute I found that was the only thing I could do.

As the night wore on and we talked about the upcoming and seemingly un avoidable war we discussed my career. Admittedly I was a little overwhelmed by the idea of going on tour again and singing in public. But I was only reluctant to do so because that dream and my love of singing seemed so small in comparison to what was happening in the world of the supernatural. Alice explained she would look for an opportunity to kill off if that was something I wanted, I shrugged not careing a great deal at that moment. They speculated and I found myself drifting off into numbness again. Only Jaspers quick manipulation of my emotions caught me and sent me back to focusing on the topics. Jared threw another couple logs onto the fire and my eyes drifted to the hot embers burning there.

.~.

I had no idea how I ended up in a ball on the ground about forty feet away from the fire and where everyone had been sitting as a group. But when I did become aware I heard concerned voices all around. Looking up I found most of the pack had come after me, Jasper standing just outside their circle, the rest of the family watching with concerned looks. Most of their faces were only slightly brushed in the fire light and it gave them a more beautifully haunting look.

"What happened?" I asked as Emily and Samantha helped me stand, my legs shaky.

"Well we got the first taste of what you can do to people," Quil stated with an amused tone. Claire had the grace to smack him lightly on the back of the head.

"What'd I do?" I looked around instantly seeking out Seth, I found him back by the spot we'd been sitting at.

Ren and Jake were at his side, he looked like he'd just vomited, his complexion even in the soft golden glow of the fire was ashen and he looked sweaty.

"You knocked him out." Emily offered up, her tone was worried.

"You jumped up and started making the same noise you do when you have your nightmares, Seth tried to reach for you to calm you down. Alice held Jasper back and Edward warned everyone to stay back just as Seth touched you-" Bella began.

"He dropped like a brick," Quil interrupted obviously entertained a little in my small episode. This time Embry smacked him on the head, he swore softly rubbing the spot.

"Then you bolted, eventually you tripped as we followed you and you just… well you curled up." Emily explained over the boys antics. By now we'd come back to the circle. Esme gave me a worried smile, Rose an almost smug look, Emmett a half approving one. My breath caught in my throat as I got closer to Seth. He looked so wiped out and it had me worrying about what, exactly, would have happened if he'd been a normal human.

"Seth…" I whimpered. His eyes met mine and he gestured with the free hand that wasn't helping prop himself up against the wood bench.

Shrugging off Emily and Samantha's help and fled to his side. I didn't cry, I was too shocked over what I'd done to even try it. I buried my face in the crook of his neck and murmured my apologies as I clung to him. His hand felt clammy as he gently held me.

"Shhh it's alright, I'm fine."

To anyone on the outside I am sure it looked very much like one friend comforting another. I wasn't so sure if that was what it was anymore. There was a moment when I pulled away from him that I wanted to kiss him, to help curb the frantic thoughts that threatened to build. I could very easily kill people unintentionally and that possibility nearly unhinged me, Seth was the only reason I didn't start going into hysterics.

He stayed with me in Edward's old room that night. As always I had nightmares, but this time it was much worse in a way, because it didn't really involve any people or places but the constant feeling of suffering and sadness pressed upon me. Seth soothed me out of the dream by gently running his hands through my hair. I gave up sleeping after that, hoping that maybe exhaustion would yield dreamless sleep. I curled into Seth as he fell back asleep and listened to the lack of sound in the house, and the crickets and wind outside. Eventually I realized that even in his arms, I didn't feel safe.

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AN: Anyone have any predictions as to where this is going? Update next week, good thing it isn't a cliff hanger. I'd love to know what you think of Eva now, is her reaction realistic?

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	12. Excruciating Truths

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

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**Panthalassa : High Tide**

**Chapter 12 – Excruciating Truths**

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"-Ather!" I shouted out as Seth managed to wake me from my nightmare. Even knowing it had been a dream it still frightened me so dramatically I couldn't help the tears that came upon waking.

Seth cooed to me and whispered kind and soothing words, I just cried harder. I heard the bedroom door open and felt the feelings Jasper wanted me to feel attack my own lingering ones.

"Dad," I whimpered, sniffling weakly.

The nightmare had been one of the worst I'd had so far. Having only been home for just over ten days I had managed to get roughly two hours of sleep before a nightmare would consume me and I would have to be woken up. Most times the lingering pain, fear, and anguish kept me from falling back asleep. Only Seth's warm arms kept me from breaking down completely. This particular dream was fading fast, but I remembered it because Carlisle had been in it. He'd had red eyes and blamed me for everything.

"Evangeline," his soft tender voice reached me as the last sobs fought against Jaspers emotion manipulation. I uncurled myself from Seth's arms to see the outline of my father in the door.

The little bed light turned on and Seth gave me a soft kiss before leaving taking Jasper with him out of the room. The bed dipped slightly when Carlisle sat down and I took a second to look at the clock on the bedside.

"I'm sorry…" I said weakly.

"You have nothing to be sorry for Evangeline. Did you want to talk about the dream?"

I shook my head. There was no way I'd be able to tell him the hellish things that happened inside my head when I slept.

Unaware I scooted closer to him, and willed my eyes to look up at him as I had been avoiding since he sat down.

"You know, even when Edward left to go strike out on his own I thought, at the time, it was a symbol of my failures as a father that he would turn away from our lifestyle and our love. And the harsh reality of what was done to you when I couldn't protect you brought another terrible truth of fatherhood to my attention. Helplessness" His tone was sounding strained. I wasn't sure I wanted to hear what he was saying and when our eyes met briefly I looked away again, but he continued talking.

"Sorrow I have never felt this sharply before is because of how much you have been hurt. How horribly you have been abused breaks my heart when I look at you… because I don't- know –how-to- fix it. I do not know what words of council to give you to help you heal, and I feel as if I should."

Tracing a pattern on the soft comforter of the bed I thought over his words.

"Could you give it a try anyway?"

"I suppose I could," he unnecessarily cleared his throat before he continued, "Evangeline there is nothing I would not do or give to take away any of the burden and the pain that has so harshly and vividly become part of your life. In no way does anyone in this family think you were responsible for your actions while under Zhan's power. I _love_ you, and there is nothing that will change that fact." Nodding I shifted again and my knees under the blanket were pushing against his side. We both looked at the point of contact and then shared a look of understanding.

"I didn't want to…" I half sobbed half whined. Her deep brown eyes and the horror on her face as my body moved towards her with that branch tore at me.

The bed shifted. Lights feebly flashed and I was wrapped up in the comforter like a baby and sitting on his lap. The comforter was providing a barrier between us that my lights recognized but wasn't causing anything to happen.

"My child… This is all I can give."

Carlisle cradled me in his arms, and I closed my eyes imagining the rhythm of my heart beat was his as well, even though I could feel the solid cold between us through the blanket.

"Would…God forgive me?" I asked meekly.

"The moment you repented and regretted what you were forced to do… he forgave you Evangeline."

"I tried to fight it, I really did. My body wouldn't listen-I-"

He gently shushed me sensing my anxiety and I felt his hand rubbing circles on the comforter. His soothing gestures sent me over the edge and I began to sob quietly against him, my head resting on his shoulder with a bit of comforter between us.

No matter what my family said about what I'd done it still didn't settle well with me. Half the time I was furious about it and the little monster inside of me demanded I find a way to make Zhan pay for all she'd done to me. As I sobbed against my father's neck I promised myself two things.

I would never let anything happen to my family or myself again.

And Zhan would one day severely regret the day she forced me to do anything against my will.

I would avenge the woman I was ordered to murder. I would avenge all of those people at the camp, and the people turned to be used in her army. I would avenge Dr. Cost and Jun Yue. I would avenge Akharad and his wife. I just had to convince my family to turn me before the opportunity to do those things was taken away from me.

.~.

The end of the second week went better. It became a standard that no one was to startle me and Edward had issued a list of things that might set me off and everyone practiced discretion on the topics.

Ren came to talk to me about my relationship with Seth, and as I didn't actually feel like talking about it with her (I could tell from her tone she didn't really approve) I pretended to zone off. She rarely tried to invade those moments with her ability. I helped Esme bake things for families on the Res. My crying episodes became less dramatic and more solemn. I found myself wearing the locket almost constantly. And found it odd no one had asked me about it. Not even Seth.

I looked in my old journal that Bella had unearthed for me, from god knows where, and I gave a weak smile as I read the inscription from Dr. Reynolds. Not really sure if I wanted to write anything in it I just kept it close and would open it up to the pages of things I wanted to do before I died. And then I would read the 'things that make me smile', and smile.

"Did you want to go for a drive to Portland with me?" Ren asked, sitting at the desk as I sat on the bed in Alice and Jaspers room. I had wrongly assumed she would start up the relationship conversation.

In my most recent episode of rage I had broken a chair and made a huge gash in the wall in my room. Emmett had been really impressed in the amount of damage I had done before Ren had stopped me. And in light of my still random mood swings they decided to put me in a new room till the boys fixed up my assigned one. Rose had refused to let the little 'psychopath' in her room. Alice had been reluctant to let me in hers as well, but Jasper overrode any of Alice's concerns with a firm "She can use our room". I had been doing fine as far as I thought. My own mental stability wasn't fluctuating as badly as it had been and I knew thinking along certain lines was likely to make the rage build. So I had resolved myself not to think about certain things.

"After Jasper gets back with the search results. Akharad wanted me to return this..." I gestured to the locket around my neck. Ren's eyes went sad and she nodded.

"I'm really glad he was there for you."

"I wish neither of us had been there at all." I quickly replied.

"You want to talk about him?" she asked.

Other than the basic information about him, the family save Edward, knew very little of the details of Akharad and the boon he had been during my time there.

It was unimaginable to me to think that Akharad was dead. As if not seeing his body let me believe he'd escaped just as I had. Or that Dr. Cost was still treating villagers out there, and not some rotting corpse the Volturi had fed upon ensuring that the law was followed. A sharp pain behind my nose let me know I was holding tears back.

Thinking about him had me remembering the loss and the rank smell that always permeated the air around the camp. There had been _so_ much death and it was playing out behind my eyelids again. And then of course because I was thinking about death I thought about the woman and her little girl. It hadn't been more than a few seconds of thinking Ren's question over before I had to run to the bathroom and heave my English muffin and eggs up.

I heard her murmur an apology through her ability as she held my hair out of my face. Sitting down on the cool floor I wiped the saliva off with the back of my hand and looked at my best friend. It was so hard just telling her what I knew I needed to. She wouldn't judge me, I knew that. But no one had yet gotten the details of what had happened to me. There were a multitude of conflicting emotions surging out of every corner of my thoughts on those three weeks.

"He was kind…" I managed to mumble out. Because honestly Akharad deserved much more in a eulogy and I was too broken to offer one up. Me, the last person to see him alive was too torn apart mentally to even talk to her own family about him. I had silently begged Edward to find his family, and Jasper had taken up the job, as I hadn't ever said a word about the man aloud to either of them the family took Akharad's name as a taboo.

Never in my life had I hated the fact I could cry as much as I had in the last week. I'd come back and struggled not to cry only to remember all the tiny harsh details of those lives so completely destroyed by Zhan, mine included, and a river would flow from my eyes. Ren slowly sank down in front of me as I leaned against the wall and looked up to the ceiling. I closed my eyes and tried with massive effort to hold back the sobs. My deep breaths were coming out loud and heavy.

"He had such a… kind voice Ren. You know the type? Like ones that should narrate children's stories. Gravelly and deep, but…"

"Kind."

"Yeah…" I put some effort forth to just concentrate on him, only on Akharad, as if our encounters could be taken into a different setting. But reminiscing about him was just heartrending because we hadn't ever known each other in a time where one could smile or laugh. All my memories of him were marred with blood or pain or emptiness.

"Did you meet him right away?"

"No… it was night when I got there," my breathing calmed some and as I was focusing on the ceiling in Alice's bathroom.

One long shuddering breath in, then I just started talking. I talked, and talked, and I felt my mouth go dry and the rolling ache in my stomach when I reached excruciating parts. But I _talked_. It was something I supposed the woman's group had taught me. A memory of Sam talking about how she hadn't wanted to speak to anyone about her abuse came to mind. I knew it then, when I eventually told Rose all of the mangled bits of my past, that talking _had_ helped. And the fact Rose had understood the pain _had_ helped. However much I told Ren, and talked about Zhan and the torture, I doubted I would ever feel better about it. I doubted telling Ren would help in the same way talking to Rose about being raped had. I didn't go in order, I couldn't or wouldn't. I went from event to event and it wasn't even close to the order they happened.

My exhaustion wore on me and I couldn't articulate the feelings when I saw the people killed after I met Zhan, or the feelings that night in my cell as the night raged and people shrieked in agony. I stopped talking pretty abruptly, and I wondered with how silent she had been through my odd disjointed ramblings if she was paying attention. So when I gradually moved to look at her I saw her wide brown eyes patiently looking back.

"I'm thirsty," I realized. She gave me sympathetic smile and stood, taking my hands and helping me up.

"I think Esme could be talked in to making you a banana smoothie."

A small hopeful smile for the banana smoothie found its way on my face.

.~.

Early afternoon at La Push, on an overcast Fourth of July, I found myself at a picnic of all things. It was one for those days where Esme thought I should get outside. The whole family was hunting while the wolves baby sat me. I was playing with the potato chips on my plate and watching as the little kids tried to fly kites in the nonexistent wind, while their fathers tried to help them.

"Can I braid your hair Eva?" Claire asked while eagerly pulling out a hair brush. I shrugged one shoulder and turned my attention back to the kids running around on the beach. Alice had put me in a lovely knee length dress and I had been self conscious about the scars on my legs so I put on pantyhose, which were starting to pinch around my middle making me uncomfortable.

"You know… you have so many scars." Claire observed while I felt her start to brush the ends of my hair before working her way up.

"Claire," Kim scolded from her spot across the blanket. Emily, the only other woman that came to the picnic, was fetching some more root beer from the trunk of Jared's sedan.

"I only meant that… it doesn't make you look any less pretty," the younger Quileute woman sighed impatiently, as if her intent should have been obvious.

Remaining mute I took one of the chips and broke off a piece just to hear the cracking sound. There was a small silence at the blanket while we listened to the waves, children, or seagulls.

"Here you go Eva," Emily said as a bottle was put in front of my face. I thanked her and turned to watch as she sat down next to Kim. She gave me a happy smile. Claire huffed and corrected my head position so she could continue braiding.

Zoning off around my family had become typical so when it happened around the Quileute I was a little embarrassed and frustrated. Some point during my zoning out Claire had finished my hair and my rootbeer. The sun was getting closer to the horizon and everyone aside from Emily had gone off to get some drift wood for a bonfire.

"Sorry," I sighed realizing what had happened.

Emily, for being in her forties still had a youthful look to her. I attributed it to her silky black hair that didn't have a stitch of grey in it. She had scooted closer to me and had been reading something while I was off in my own world. It was almost like I had been sleeping as I didn't remember what I had been focusing on instead of my surroundings.

"It's alright, it gave me a reason to sit and relax for a while."

"Still… I wish it didn't happen."

She nodded at that. I picked up the end of the braid Claire had done and played with it. Even before the kidnapping I wasn't too chatty with strangers, I would be polite of course but I wouldn't bother bringing up inane chatter just for the purpose of quelling the silence. Now that I was so keenly aware of my own inability to stay focused I found the silence utterly annoying and awkward. Emily must have felt similarly.

"Claire may have been a little impetuous with her remarks about your scars, but she's right. They don't take away from your natural beauty." Kim must have told her about the Claire's comment.

Coming from anyone else I would have scoffed. How would anyone know about scars and self esteem like Emily and I did? Admittedly I didn't always see the scars others could easily see. My eyes drawn like magnets looked to my hands folded in my lap. The branding marks itched once in a while, and Seth had lovingly rubbed anti scar lotion into them. When he did it the first time I cried. The second time I looked away.

"Do you see the scars still?" I asked.

"They are a part of me now. It's funny though, I don't actually see them. But Joshua once exclaimed 'Wow mom I didn't know you were so pretty!' after seeing a photo of me before…" She chuckled lightly, and I saw the contentment in her smile. "At first I used to think I might be ugly… but recently until Joshua brought it to my attention I never thought about all the people I've met since then that never knew what I looked like before the accident."

"I don't see the scars either," I murmured. Specifically I meant the scars on her face, but I supposed I could have meant my own. As I rarely looked at my own body in the mirror I actually never really saw the majority of my scars. The ones on my palms however were where I looked most often.

"Seth doesn't either."

Slowly I closed my eyes, steeling myself for the potentially difficult conversation I wasn't sure I wanted to have with Emily.

"I know that."

"Do you love him?"

A one shoulder shrug and I looked away from her again. A long agitated sigh out of her and I shuffling sound then I found myself embraced from behind.

"I think you both know that you love each other."

It was her hug that did it. It had me remembering why I had needed to be held. It was reminding me that I wasn't alone, and that I was loved. Even if it was Emily who had been a kind family acquaintance, it still felt wonderfully tender.

"I just hope I am not leading him on, I don't know what I can promise him."

"Don't promise him anything, Eva. I think he knows what both of your situations are at the moment. Promises are not something you two have the ability to offer."

"True… but I don't know what I'd do without him."

"Then I, for one, am glad he's there for you. Lord knows you need some tenderness now."

"Part of me hates that I need him so much."

Emily sighed again and pulled away from me slightly tucking a stray hair behind her ear and turning us to look at each other.

"Why?"

"Because I feel like I should be strong enough, and I don't know if I ever will be-"

"Strong enough for what?" her tone was concerned and empathetic.

"Just… I hate that I wasn't strong enough not to be taken. Not strong enough to resist Zhan. I hate that I am so weak in every possible meaning of the word."

She made a noise in the back of her throat that sounded almost wounded.

"You are not weak Eva. On the contrary I think you are very brave and strong. I think you are one of the strongest women I have ever met."

I could have made a snide comment about how she should get out more but it sounded completely evil even inside my own head.

"Brave?" the incredulousness was rampant in my response.

"Very. Sam tells me everything you know. I have heard that you are willing to become a vampire so that you can protect your family, even knowing what that lifestyle entails. And even though you so recently have seen firsthand exactly how horrible that existence can be."

"I don't have a choice anymore….Volturi orders…"

"If the Volturi didn't order it to be done, would you still want to be changed?"

I balked at her.

"Of course… They need me."

There it was. My family needed me, just as I needed them. Rather than it be a bitter thing like it had been when I first found out why I had been told the secret I found myself feeling proud over it.

"I just can't do anything right now and it_ bothers_ me. It's like I am stuck in a limbo… do you know what I mean?" And I hoped Emily did. This was the longest conversation I had ever had with her, I had always had a good opinion of her but this conversation was making her feel more like an aunt. And as I had never had an aunt it was sending me for a loop.

"It is hard feeling like you can do nothing, like you are the weakest…" Emily nodded.

"I am the weakest," I grumbled.

"Maybe physically, for now, and that will change."

"It just sucks that I don't have a choice. Not about being changed and not about- well anything."

"You have a lot more choice and freedoms than any of your family ever had," her brown eyes were stern and she looked down her nose at me in an admonishing way. How much Emily knew about the Cullen's and their transformation from human to vampire had never occurred to me. By now, having known them for twenty years she likely knew a fair bit. I felt justly contrite after that. Emily had a point; I was still human whether because of Philippe's advice to the Volturi or my own family's unwillingness to change me. Part of me hated being so frail and the damn nightmares reminded me of it every night.

"Let the choices you _can_ make matter Eva. Your future might be heading towards a point but how you get there is up to you." Emily made to stand as her youngest son was running towards us, his big brother chasing after him and gaining.

"If the opportunity to make a choice regarding my future comes again I won't let it pass me by," I promised her.

.~.

My lack of wardrobe in Forks was appalling to Alice, which was typical, heck even her own wardrobe in Forks was skimpy for her. Somehow she had managed to convince me to go shopping in Portland with her. Something Ren would be upset to find out about as she, Jake, Claire and Quil had gone on a double date to Seattle. Not more than ten minutes after Ren left to meet up with her husband and the other couple Alice had hauled me out to the car, a pesky smile on her face and a manic look in her eyes. I was impressed with her ingenuity of maneuvering me around, as I was wearing a summer dress and we'd found that it was only, mostly, skin to skin contact that would allow my ability to work on them. It didn't make it more comfortable to have Alice pulling me by the sash around my waist but at least the lights weren't flashing constantly as we meandered around the department store.

"You look cute in it!" She laughed happily as she put the cloche hat back on my head. I sighed giving in. She'd bought it for me and I kept trying to take it off claiming I wasn't a hat person and then she'd push it back on me, with a happy giggle. Like it was a game.

"I'm taking it off in the car." I muttered crisply. July was not nearly as muggy along the West coast as in Wisconsin, but it did have a definite sticky quality to the air and even with air conditioning I didn't want to have a hat on making me warmer.

Alice rolled her eyes daintily and we piled in the purchases from the mini shopping spree. We'd been limited by the fact we couldn't carry much without Alice looking ridiculous. She had seen half way through Macy's that if we went to the car to drop things off I would stay out there. Curbing Alice's shopping was like kicking puppy, but she'd managed to get me out of the house to begin with so she'd have to take what she'd get.

Portland was roughly forty minutes vampire speed away from the house in Forks with mild traffic. And the first twenty minutes the roads were almost barren of other traffic. Once we turned on the smaller county highway we didn't see any other cars and Alice whooped gleefully and opened the car up. The trees were nothing but green blending into green and brown forming a wall as Alice sped down the road.

"Seth will love you in that black dress we picked out," she said.

I rose an eyebrow, wondering how she'd know that. It wasn't like she could see that he'd like it.

Seeing my expression she smirked, "There isn't a straight man, hell even some gay men, that wouldn't fall in love with you in that dress."

Fleetingly I wondered if Kevin would have liked the dress Alice had hoisted upon me. That thought threw me for a loop. Floundering to respond to Alice I sat up straighter in my seat and gave her a good hard look.

She twitched once and then froze.

"Alice?" I asked leaning forward to look at her face, as she was facing forward looking out at the road.

"SHIT!" I yelled realizing she was in a vision as the car was still going straight and the road wasn't. I leaned over the center and took the wheel, the seatbelt digging into my hips and shoulder. I took the half second to fumble back with my free hand to unbuckle.

"ALICE?" I yelled sparing her a glance as I tried to steer the car going… 115 MPH!

The list of profanities that poured out of me after that would have made Emmett and Jake proud, Esme…not so much.

Whatever was wrong with Alice it didn't seem like a vision to me, but the signs were all the same. The blank look on her face, the way she just faded away _like it was_ a vision. But I had never seen a vision take her over like this. It sucked that her hands were still gripping the wheel as it made hard for me to move it, and what little I could wasn't enough. Plus the burning in my eyes let me know I was close to her, like I needed the reminder. I finally managed to get my foot down to the brake pedal which wasn't too hard as Alice was short and my long leg could easily stomp it all the way down.

_Rose is going to be equal parts angry and happy for something to do with this car_, I thought as the tires screamed and we decelerated quickly. The road curved hard to the left and I tried to turn to keep us on it but the wheel was like pulling cement, and my hands were slipping along the wheel from sweat.

I saw the first branch of a tree just before it hit the upper right side. The passenger window's glass broke with a disastrous crispness raining glass on my seat and right leg still on my side of the car. I screamed as the car slowed rapidly now and I was propelled forward by the abrupt deceleration.

We hit something and the car shot in the air, landing I bit my tongue hard. We skidded to a halt and hit another tree more on Alice's side than in the middle, the windshield cracked with the sound of breaking sheets of ice over a lake. Had there been an airbag I would have likely been killed with how I was hovering over the middle, thank god Rose had removed all of them from the cars, except any I drove.

With the car stopped I took stock of what had happened.

I was definitely in the most awkward position straddling the center console of the car, one leg on each side. I groaned loudly as I extracted myself from Alice. My front and left side were going to be bruised; Alice's arms and hands had been more unyielding than the steering wheel.

What the hell had happened to her? I thought as I looked down at her while I brushed off the pebbled tempered glass on my seat. Tasting copper in my mouth from when I had bit my tongue on the rough landing was gross when swallowing.

The car was making the metallic clicking and ticking noises that usually followed an accident and there was a slight buzzing in my ears. Then another sound caught my attention. Eyes wide with horror I heard a keening whimpering warble coming weakly from my sister.

Frantically I looked for my purse, not finding it I looked for Alice's in the armrest. Finding it I found her phone and quickly dialed dad.

"Alice?" Carlisle's smooth concerned voice came through.

"Da-ad" I coughed midway speaking, not realizing my throat was raw. I must have screamed a lot more than I thought I had. The whole incident from Alice freezing to me calling dad could not have been more than three minutes but it felt like only seconds.

"Evangeline? What's happened?" Ah, there was alarm in his voice now.

"Accident. Alice froze up. I don't know wha-"

"-Froze up how? While driving?"

"Yes," I sighed, "She is still frozen … I don't know what to do."

"What is that noise?" The alarm in his voice wasn't helping to calm me. Surely this was just a regular vision, if not more intricate than normal.

Immediately after that thought Alice twitched again and the high pitched wounded noise turned more sinister.

"It's Alice. Dad what's going on? Is she okay?" I winced when I brought my hand to my cheek that I knew had been cut and was bleeding slightly.

"Are _you_ alright? Can you move?" I heard shuffling noises over the phone, and made to check my door.

Shoving it once, twice, three times didn't yield any good results.

"I can move, but the door is stuck."

"Is it unlocked?" he asked instantly. I was going to retort about how I would have noticed if it was when my eyes saw that yes, indeed, the door was locked.

I unlocked it and shoved at the door again. This time it eased open with a loud whining groan.

"Evangeline are you bleeding?" This query probably should have been the first one.

Once I answered in the affirmative I heard someone on the other end of the phone swear.

"Listen carefully. I want you to get as far from Alice and the car as you can."

In a normal situation I would have asked why, or for some sort of explanation. But when it came to disastrous situations, the supernatural and my family it was my policy to do first, and then ask later. So I lumbered out of the car, my head spinning.

Bubbling beneath the daze of calm the adrenalin was giving me, was panic. I made it through the underbrush wondering all manner of wild things, one of them being if Zhan was responsible for the fact I was speedily making my way away from an accident through a forest in Washington.

"Edward and Rosalie left to find you as soon as you called. They are following the cars GPS and will find you soon. Jasper and Emmett are right behind them."

"Carlisle… why am I getting away from Ali-"

That question died in my throat as a blur of vampire sped towards me snarling ferally. Burning bright red behind my eyes caused me to react instantly to turn the bright pain off.

My neck was hurting and when I opened my eyes to figure out what the hell had just happened. I found myself in the ironclad grip of a very tiny yet _very_ strong vampire. The vampire was frozen still, much like Bianca had been. And although the pain from the burning red light faded some and I could see my angle was that of the canopy of the forest, and a small bit of black hair. I tried to turn my head and found that it was being held in a way to give my attacker access to my neck. Just as when you can tell when somebody is watching you I just _knew_ that Alice's razor sharp teeth were centimeters from my neck.

She had bent me over backward one hand grabbing my head forcing it back, I could feel each of her fingers digging into my scalp, the squeezing pain of it was starting to give me a headache. Her other arm was over my chest gripping the opposite shoulder, thus I was turned slightly to my right side top half almost parallel to the ground.

The position wouldn't have been as bad if Alice's grip on me wasn't so unyielding. It wouldn't have been nearly as painful but I found my legs slipping from under my half laying-down-mid-air position. I was panting from pain and panic trying to steady my body. It was becoming clear to me that the inability to move my head made the situation I was in all the more painful and frightening.

How long would it take someone to drive along the highway and see the path Alice's car had made on its way into the forest? I was a good distance away from the scene of the accident, but that didn't mean a passerby looking at the car wouldn't go looking for the passengers. Was I far enough in to the forest to not be spotted in this painful, ridiculous and helpless position?

My legs slid from under me pulling a grunt of pain from my lips as I scurried to try and get them back under me. Why the hell was Alice so _goddamned_ short? If it had been Emmett attacking me, and I had managed to stop him in time, I would be dipped slightly as if we'd stopped mid dance move.

Suddenly I realized how messed up my train of thought was.

My sister had just tried to _kill_ me. Here I was thinking of how it would be better if she'd been _taller_? As if that made the position I was in any less serious. No wonder those lights flashed constantly around my family, for once I was profoundly happy that my instinct and ability had worked. Although… I huffed with effort; Jasper was not going to be happy when he'd get here.

"Holy hell," I heard from my left, instantly I tried to look for Edward but five tiny fingers held me firm.

"I won't tell Esme you swore if you can get me out." I bargained. A sigh of relief flew from me when I saw his golden eyes and handsome face come in to view.

"Oh my God…" I heard Rose say rather loudly from by my feet, which decided at that moment to slide from under me. Rose acted quickly and grabbed the sash around my waist and hoisted me up. Instantly I felt a relief but only for my lower back and legs. My upper back and shoulders were a different story.

"How did this happen?" Rose asked.

"No damn clue, can we just figure out how to get me extracted from her before-" wince "We try to analyze this?"

Jasper and Emmett must have arrived just after that as I felt a rush of rage and sorrow I knew I had no reason to feel fill me for a second.

"This is the most awkward position I have ever come across, and that is saying something. I've seen Edward and Bella going at it." Emmett said.

"Not the time," Edward warned.

"Not the place," Rose said instantly after.

There was low shouting nearby. Some fast vampire talking, then I saw Emmett towering over Alice and me.

He was now holding his breath.

"We're going to have to break her arms Jasper." Rose said.

"We can just move them this way." I heard Jasper grunt out angrily.

"Jasper, do you see how close Alice's teeth are to her neck? Or the way her head is turned? We are very _very_ lucky Eva managed to stop Alice when she did or her neck would have been snapped." Rose reasoned. I bit my tongue from yelling at Jasper to get his priorities in line, but the annoyance, frustration and pain I was emoting spoke for me, I hoped. Then I regretted the biting of my already sore tongue.

"Eva we're going to get you loose," Rose told me with a comforting tone.

My headache was turning in to a migraine.

A little bit more of angry fast vampire talking and Edward stepped next to Emmett, they shared a look.

"I am aware of the risk," he sighed impatiently.

_What risk?_ I asked him.

The only one in the group that was overly worried about Alice's condition had been Jasper, for obvious reasons they had priority on the human stuck in the arms of a vampire over the vampire itself. We were all worried about Alice, but my worries until they freed me were if her fingers were bruising my skull.

There was no way Jasper could bring himself to maim his mate the way needed to free me.

"Evangeline please try to not… turn me off." Edward told me, his concern was valid at this point. I had heard them muttering a new plan just before and it sounded better than taking off Alice's whole arm. Edward leaned above me and I could see his eyes intently staring at Alice's hand on my head. His delicate pianist fingers must have taken a hold of Alice's thumb as a second later I heard a thick metal snapping sound, and my head instantly felt better.

Alice's other arm was gripping my shoulder so hard I hadn't realized how badly it hurt until my head had become free from Alice gripping my head. When Edward went for the other hand to snap off the thumb I actually felt the lights start to burn and forced them back. Seeing through my eyes Edward acted fast and broke her other thumb off quickly.

Once free Rose slowly lowered me to the ground, and I laid there panting staring off into the forest on my side, because frankly it hurt like a sonofabitch to try and move my neck. A couple pants in I forced my arm under me as I vomited on the damp forest floor.

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AN: Well it looks like Eva's ability is protecting her pretty well now. So which conversation did you like the best? Carlisle, Ren, or Emily's?

Please leave a review and thanks for reading!

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	13. Blindess

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

AN:I want to give a special thanks to Kaylee2191, you've been a really big help, not to mention you've given me a big confidence boost. I hope ya'll enjoy this chapter, I wonder if it answers some of the questions you've been thinking about.

**Panthalassa : High Tide****  
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**Chapter 13 - Blindess**

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Carlisle had brought a car while Esme and Bella worked on cleaning up the scene of the accident. Jasper carried Alice back with Emmett while Rose wrapped me in a blanket and carried me from the spot on the forest floor.

"Not in the way you are thinking," Edward told someone.

It was probably something that concerned me.

We didn't really speak much in the car and I found I liked it better. I was certain all of us were concerned with the whole situation. From Alice freezing up, to me nearly being eaten by her to me freezing her.

I was sitting on the couch watching as Jasper gently caressed Alice's still face. It was pretty unsettling for me to look at the love and worry etched onto Jasper's face as Alice's was stuck with a pose of rage and lethality. Ren and Jake were still about ten minutes out, having been called back home by Bella. I bet they were both panicked.

After Seth sat next to me while Carlisle attempted to examine me I sort of faded out.

"Why would she freeze up like that?" Rose asked, drawing me from my fog.

I felt some eyes on me, and looked to see Esme and Jasper staring at me. Emmett was standing near Alice looking her over carefully.

"We were driving, talking about the clothes we'd bought when she just… It looked like a normal vision except it lasted longer than a normal one." I explained, feeling odd. I didn't feel guilty and I knew I probably should, although I had no idea what for. Sure I loved Alice and seeing her standing like a grotesque murderous angel set me on edge, but I had _protected_ myself. And the fact I had been hunted by a vampire and managed to survive was something I _should_ feel proud of.

"Maybe it was like the time she saw the darkness?" Esme asked quickly looking to Edward.

"It is very similar," he nodded.

"So… can I ask why she attacked me after-"

"Fresh blood Eva, rule one with vampires. It'll get our motor going every time." Emmett said from the side of Alice furthest away from my spot. I snorted realizing the blood issue should have been obvious; he and Jasper were the furthest away from me. Seth put a warm hand on the non bruised shoulder and gently pulled me closer to him.

Edward appeared in front of me with a glass of water and some pain pills.

I noticed they were the good stuff Carlisle had prescribed me after we'd first come to Forks. Taking the pills I leaned into the comfort of Seth's arms and the couch.

Ren arrived not too much later quickly hugging her mother and father before coming to take the seat Carlisle just vacated.

As a family we went over everything that had happened once Alice and I had gotten in the car all the way up till the moment Edward had arrived. Seth and Jake were really impressed with my ability, not having seen it before. Jasper was unconsciously projecting his anxiety which made the conversation feel like it had a time limit. We talked about what the vision could have been about, and what if any precautions we should take.

"Evangeline do you think you can try to wake Alice back up?" Carlisle asked and I rolled my head back to rest on the couch, instantly pain shot up through my back and I caught a yelp in my throat.

_Could I_? We'd proved in Volterra that I _could_ do it. And I was feeling much worse physically and mentally then, than I did now. But somewhere inside I was unsure.

I decided to give it a try. So we assumed a position where I was barely touching one of Alice's fingers. Somehow they had reattached her thumbs. Jasper stood between his mate and me manipulating my emotions like he'd done in Italy. Edward and Emmett had each taken a hold of Alice's arms in case she tried to attack me again. The others were hovering closely.

It didn't work, and after my head cleared I felt sick. Dizzy and aching I didn't feel like trying again. But Jasper was insistent.

After I tried three more times, with the same result of me blacking out for a second to find myself being held up by Seth. Jasper was sure I could do it if I just focused more.

"More? Jasper my neck is killing me, I know you can sense the pain I am in, I can't focus!" I snapped. He eyes narrowed slightly.

"I can also feel your annoyance but Alice wouldn't be frozen like this if you-"

"Fuck you!" I yelled back at him, hurt. Rose, Bella and Carlisle looked as if they had been about to say something to him but closed their mouths at me cursing him. Esme gave me a small reprimand which I blew off.

"This isn't my fault Jasper." I said stonily glaring at him. He looked bewilderedly from my face back to Alice's frozen one. I felt guilt and a feeling I didn't really know what it was called come from Jasper. The unknown feeling felt close to regret but it was different so I folded my arms over my chest, simultaneously shrugging Seth's hands off me.

"We know that," Carlisle spoke up.

"_Do you_? I am sorry that I can't fix her right now, and I know whatever sent her in to that vision must be horrible. But what did you do before you had her directing your lives?" A little bit of my old accent seeped in. I had started talking to Carlisle and ended up looking at the family gathered. Edwards face seemed to be twitching and I knew he was communicating to someone.

"Evangeline this situation is very precarious. In our day to day lives we got along perfectly adequately before Jasper and Alice joined us. But there are dangers out there presently that could destroy lives of people we care about need to be monitored."

Edward was rehashing part of the conversation from earlier. I closed my eyes tightly in frustration.

"I'm going to take a nap," I moved before anyone could argue. Jasper had the gall to try and stand in my way as I approached the stairs.

"I love you Jasper but right now do you really want to push me?" I challenged him. To demonstrate my point I laid my palm out facing upwards indicating this switching off thing I could apparently do. His eyes were so tumultuous like a gold ocean; they didn't hide the emotions I knew were boiling behind them. His eyes flicked to my palm, and I knew he could see the branding mark there on my skin plain as day. Biting back tears from the surge of different emotions I moved past him.

It wasn't even five thirty when I sat on my bed, in my newly fixed up room. Seth would be in here soon. Probably to try and talk me in to giving it one more try.

Glaring about my perfect room I felt angry at it. I was beyond pissed off at the situation. I was humming with pain and sorrow with my failures. And beyond those all encompassing emotions I felt pitiful. I _hated_ feeling pitiful. This was a familiar emotional pattern for me, it was what usually brought on those rage fests where I would tear my things apart. Sometimes I would wonder why Esme bothered to replace the curtains or books.

Seth came in just after I had thrown the first book at the lamp on my nightstand.

"Eva…. Hey…" He came to stand in front of me when I didn't respond to him and went for another book. This time he grabbed me to stop me and I glared at him. His face was tight with concern.

"Stop Seth. I _want_ to throw things." It sounded so stupid coming out of my mouth, but there it was. At least it was truth.

"I won't let you destroy your room again."

"You. Won't. Let. Me?" I breathed out, my tone short.

Seth suddenly became aware of his mistake.

"What good does it do Eva? You'll throw the books; tear up the curtains set fire to the carpet, and then what? You said you were going to bed, just… get some rest." So many parts of my body hurt that I couldn't physically show him what I thought of that. And I didn't actually decide on what things I would destroy when I got going. I had no idea where he got the idea that I had become an arsonist. But now with the idea in my head it became a possibility.

"It makes me feel better." I said through gritted teeth and shook my arm free of him.

"Doesn't look that way to me." He crossed his arms now.

The reason why I loved Seth so much because he was always on my side he was _my_ friend, and how honest he was with me in every aspect of my life added to the respect I held for him. But at the moment his honesty was pissing me off, which was a feat in itself as I was so angry with how Jasper had handled the situation with me and Alice.

"I have control over the things I destroy, Seth. It's the _only_ thing I have control over."

"Think carefully about the words you just said."

I did, well I briefly thought over them, and my indignation sky rocketed.

"I am NOTHING LIKE HER! I AM NOT A MONSTER!-" Seth tried to make a gesture to calm me and I slapped him away hurting my hands in the process.

"I never said-"

"I am _the_ goddamn HUMAN HERE SETH! I DON'T HAVE A SAY IN ANYTHING ANYMORE! Not who I am, not what I will be, not even what I can do. I am the weak one here." My nose crinkled up in fury and by god if I could start a fire with a look I think that moment would have been the one.

My door slammed open and Ren stood there looking torn between being angry and hurt. We both turned to look at her and it became suddenly clear according by looking at her face she realized she shouldn't have interrupted.

_Are you two okay?_ She sent me. And I rolled my eyes before falling back on my bed.

"It's nothing I can't deal with." I muttered. There was a long pause and I heard the door close again and I half expect Seth to have stormed out, but the only one gone was Ren.

"I know you are human. And you are being melodramatic here Eva. You have a lot of control in your life and I don't like hearing you talk in absolutes like that. Sure, at the moment you are the physically most vulnerable in your family, but I will be here by your side to protect you I promise you that." His tone was calm and careful, I was still seething but I could hear the sincerity in his voice and it touched a new anger in me.

"Protect me? Because I need it, don't I?"

He sensed the trap in my tone and I sat up on my bed now.

"I don't _want to_ have _to_ be protected Seth. I want to be able to protect myself, and that is what those nightmares are about. I am weak and I am sick of it. My family," I sneered the last word for dramatic effect, "cannot change me because Aro demanded that they didn't. But do you _really_ think they'd have changed me by now if Aro hadn't?"

"You aren't ready to be changed, YOU know this. Look at Rosalie, even she'd agree with the assessment. You are so caught up in your anger and pain you aren't even acting like yourself anymore!"

"I am not ever going to be that same girl, the girl you fell in love with Seth. She is gone."

"She isn't gone she-"

"We're done talking about this. I want you to leave." I told him evenly, our eyes meeting. Collapsing pain in my chest almost had me break my cold look as his face crumpled slightly. He'd never heard me so bitter and angry, and _I_ was even hurt by my own words, I couldn't imagine what he was feeling.

He surprised me by nodding once and striding over to me to kiss me on my forehead, while I tried to hide the shock at him doing such a thing, before he left my room.

.~.

A plan had been made as I slept in my room, and when I woke up after four hours I was surprised to see the house rather empty.

Ren, Jake and Jasper were in the living room all positioned near Alice. Jake and Ren were sitting on the love seat in front of where they had put her. Jasper was still standing in front of her and he was gently caressing her face as I reached the living room. Esme had heard me getting up and started making me something to eat, which still didn't smell good to me. Nothing cooked for me smelled very appetizing these days, except the one time Bella made popcorn, which I devoured.

When I asked about the others Carlisle came from where ever his office was in this place to sit with me at the dining room table.

"Bella and Edward went to talk to the tribe with…Seth. Rosalie and Emmett went to pick up our cousins."

Apparently the family had decided to be overcautious with things and try to gather, safety in numbers so the logic goes. It was smart, even if we didn't know what future Alice saw having the cousins around would be nice. At least I could talk to Tanya about Seth. Immediately after the accident and Alice being frozen the cousins had been called and were on a private jet charted into Port Angles, and due to arrive fairly soon.

I finished my meal on autopilot. My eyes wandered to the wall which the living room lay beyond.

"No one blames you for any of this Evangeline."

With a simple nod of my head at dads words, I lowered my eyes to stare at the floor, ducking my head in shame. The emotion was heavy in me. I had exploded at my family, and at Seth.

"I should… try with Alice again." I murmured my eyes lowly meeting Carlisle's through the hair that had fallen in the way.

"Only when you are ready," was his patient and loving response.

Pushing the chair away I shuffled my way stiffly back to the living room. The Forks house was by far the most homely house I'd seen the family own. It had to do with the fact this was where their family became complete-well- _mostly_ complete.

Jasper was watching at me his expression blank. Not sure where things stood with us my gaze flicked to Jake and Ren.

_He's __really__ sorry Eva._ _Uncle Jasper has no idea how to make things right with you…I would have given him a talking to but he was already being yelled at by everyone else I didn't think my input on how big of an ass he'd been would have mattered._ Ren told me while I closed the distance between Jasper and myself.

"How is your neck?" Jaspers voice came out powerlessly. We locked eyes.

"I'm sorry I swore at you," I swallowed my pride to get this over with. The sooner Jasper and I were officially okay the sooner I could move on from today's events and try to undo all of the mistakes I'd made in my distraught rage infested state.

"It was more than deserved. I apologize for not being a better brother and taking your physical as well as mental well being in to account."

The corner of my lips quirked and I nodded once.

He deftly moved out of my line of sight to reveal Alice. In the lamplight of the living room she looked even more like a marble statue.

This time Jake was going to pull me away from Alice while Jasper stood between the two of us. Esme and Carlisle were on alert as well; just to be sure she wouldn't resume her attack on me.

I was about to try and find the dark spot where light should be when Jasper made a noise.

Ren grabbed me and I was pushed into a wall by the ceiling high bookshelf.

"Ren what-the-"

Jake has phased and my stomach felt unsettled watching it. Nope I was never going to get over watching the men phase into wolves. The vampires in the family were talking so quickly I couldn't really catch most of it, but whatever they said it was hurried, angry, and very sharp.

"There are ten, at least."

"Can we hold them off till the others get here?"

"Jake is anyone else in your pack phased?"

"Nessie keep her safe!" That last one had been said by Jasper as he thrust the frozen Alice at us huddled in the corner.

The hairs on the back of my neck stood up and I felt a chill that had nothing to do with how Alice's body was against mine. Ren was standing protectively in front of the two of us, with Jake in front of her.

I didn't really have time to understand what we were up against or why Esme and Carlisle were crouched battle ready. But when a snarling hairy creature with a short stubby snout and spindly grotesque arms crashed through the front window it became clear. A glowing red haze lit up in my vision followed by the stinging burning feeling.

Ren had a cell phone to her ear as I heard a howl from outside that was poignantly familiar. It was followed by several more while Carlisle grappled with the hairy mass that went straight for him. Two more came in through other glass windows one from the back porch and the other from the window closest to Jake.

He sprung into action and the air ceased to flow through the room, as I couldn't breathe when I saw two more lunge for my mum.

Splinters of glass shards had rained into the living room and were being ground into dust as an all out battle raged right in front of me. Tables were nothing but mashed pieces of wood, and all furniture in the center was broken and in pieces within ten seconds of the first werewolf crashing into the house.

I found myself clutching Alice's hand, the one that had been holding my shoulder as I retreated further into the corner.

A guttural pained scream came from Esme as a long claw of a werewolf entered her body just where her kidneys should be.

I couldn't watch- I couldn't _bear_ it- I felt the anger at being so helpless building in me like a wet fire.

Then I _felt_ it, Alice's dark spot. It was brief and nothing but a dark area in my closed eyes where it was already flashing dark and light as the battle raged and lamps were destroyed and, my lights had started to frantically flash. But that instant was enough.

Alice was back.

My eyes flew open when I knew I had succeeded. She went to attack the seventh werewolf in the living room that had almost taken off Jaspers arm in the same instant I returned her to being active.

I narrowly dodged a piece of a couch when Carlisle had flung a werewolf into it and the wolf kicked it away. The nashing, snarling, hissing, biting and the high pitched tearing noises of the battle were driving me mad. It was like camp, it was hell, and I couldn't _do_ a damn thing. Seth jumped through the window and tore a wolf off of Esme as Edward and Bella took the other two still moving around.

There was a gurgling whine as Seth tore the head off of the werewolf he'd pinned and I lost it. I vomited straight into the wall while still standing on shaking legs. Ren quickly wrapped me in her tiny arms and started sending me her assurances that things were fine.

Just as the last of the werewolves were finished, and about the time my dinner was making an escape out my body Emmett and Rosalie arrived with the cousins.

"GODDAMMIT!" he swore. Everyone was in a stunned state from what I could tell.

"Eva are you alright?" Someone asked me and I looked up, my eyes blurry from all of the activity they had just undertaken.

"Don't touch her Tanya," Rose warned. And I noticed Tanya was a couple inches from going to touch my cheek in a worried manner.

"It was Zhan." Alice said quickly and tightly. "I couldn't see, not clearly, but this wasn't the only attack she issued tonight. She sent hoards of newborns- the werewolves had been ordered weeks ago but I couldn't _see_ them… It was some sort of retaliation for…" Alice's tone was so dead it was chilling, so when her eyes flicked to me I felt dread burning in the briefest of glances.

"She found the remains of her camp and knew you'd been killed- or taken- I can't tell. But this-" Alice gestured to the demolished living room, "Was a result of her anger over… losing you." The last part was said directly to me.

I swayed a bit and Ren held me firm. All eyes were looking around at one another. Esme was looking horrified, she wasn't really able to hide her suffering from the injuries she had sustained and Rose was holding on to her. Maybe Rosalie was actually holding her up.

"You four need to feed." Edward spoke up.

"We'll stay here," Tanya stated looking to Carlisle who was wincing as Bella helped reattach a hand.

"We'll be right back," Jasper said and glanced to me, giving me a worn smile thanking me for waking Alice up before the injured Cullen's left.

"It isn't your fault," Ren said instantly once they had left. Edward and Garrett had started to quickly gather up the werewolf bodies while Bella, Rose, Carmen and Kate started to move broken pieces of furniture outside. Tanya and Eleazar stayed by my side.

Seth's large wolf head nudged my hand while Ren still supported me. My throat was dry as I looked into his wolf face, the line of his mouth still stained red. I felt sick again and looked away.

"You can't phase back till that wound heals Jacob," Edward warned.

A glass full of something appeared in front of me, it was Eleazar holding it. I took it, and it smelled of vodka.

A glass full of straight vodka.

And at any other time, having just vomited, and witnessed a bloody battle I would have refused. But I accepted it and started drinking.

Anything to numb the fright and fear living in my body.

.~.

The alcohol had helped calm me a bit, but it made my stomach burn something awful. With vampire speed the Denali women plus Rose and Bella were able to get all of the debris out into the yard into neat piles, while the Garrett and Eleazar lined up the bodies. Emmett and Edward worked to fix the front window to look more like a design choice rather than a broken gaping hole in the living room.

I made my way outside where Ren was covering the last mangled body of a wolf with a tarp from Rose's garage. Seth had phased back and there were other wolves on their way to find out about the events of the evening. I was starting to see why we'd come back to Forks after my kidnapping. It was comforting in a way to be close to so many who were dependable.

My head snapped to attention, as much as it could with the tight resisting pain in my neck and shoulder, to hear what Garrett had just said.

"Burning them would be the easiest." Eleazar nodded, obviously agreeing with whatever suggestion Garrett had made.  
>The light was spilling from the house into the yard illuminating the bodies and the small piles of furniture.<p>

"We're burying them." I stated with a slight slur. Turning my attention back to the bodies I felt the horrible memory of Adam and his painful life and agonizing death. It added to the sorrow I had while looking at the lumps under the tarps.

They did their vampire fast talk and then they were quiet for a moment.

"I'm sorry I attacked you Eva." Alice's voice came from in front of me and I jumped slightly. Taking in her appearance it didn't seem like her very brief hunt had helped her much.

I shrugged listlessly.

"What did it feel like?" I asked curiously. I had wondered exactly what the lights meant and how it related to freezing the vampires completely.

Alice's eyes turned thoughtful and she cupped her cheek. The others were listening to us while doing their jobs of cleaning up.

"It didn't feel like anything. I was attacking you, then instantly I was in the middle of a werewolf battle."

My mouth slowly opened with awe. I had literally turned her, and Bianca, off.

.~.

We did in fact bury all of the wolves. Carlisle even said a few prayers for them, and Tanya had gone to scavenge some flowers from the nearby woods so we could lay them on the graves. Garrett must have made a snide comment just after he'd helped dig the last hole and caused Kate to zap him lightly with her ability.

"We have a lot to talk about," Alice stated.

We were now standing near one of the many small bonfires made up of Esme's priceless chairs and arm tables. The pack wolves had come for only a little while, and I wouldn't have even noticed them except I missed Seth holding me, as he was off talking with the others.

He was still mad about our fight.

"The visions compiled into too many for me to watch and they, as Eva can attest, completely disabled me. The first vision that triggered the rest was Zhan ordering a hoard of newborns to attack something. I couldn't tell what, until the next vision." She paused here and closed her eyes.

"The entire Brazilian coven will be fighting for their lives as we speak."

That statement garnered gasps of shock and horror from the entire group, myself excluded. My own failures were being laid out before everyone. If I had gotten Alice back sooner…

"Is there nothing we can do for them?"

"Are the Newborns going after them?"

"Who else is going to be attacked?"

The questions were coming rapid fire, and from Alice's woeful expression I could tell the weight of the knowledge she carried was getting heavier. She too felt guilt for not being able to act sooner.

It made me feel more useless as I stood there, Ren's arms gently supporting me.

The whole family didn't have much time to mourn the information that the Brazilian coven, Senna, Kachiri, and Zafrina were all being murdered by ten newborn vampires under Zhan's influence to seek and destroy all vampires they came across. Esme had managed to get Nahuel on the phone and ordered him and Huilen to get to the nearest airport and fly to Seattle. I wasn't sure if he was going to listen, and Alice couldn't see too well to know if he and his aunt would show up.

But the grief for the Brazilian coven was just the tip of the iceberg.

Mary, Randal, three others Alice had come to know through her travels before she met Jasper, three British vampires, six different groups Garrett had met during brief travels to the Philippines and India were all wiped off the map. But worst of all of them, Alice had to break the news to Jasper that Peter and Charlotte had been killed while the family had been fighting the werewolves. She hadn't seen what killed them, and it was guessed that werewolves were used in about half of the attacks on other vampires.

Everyone had to step away from Jasper as his grief tore at each of us. I even felt myself tearing up for his friends, vampires I personally had no attachment to. Their death bothered me because it hurt my brother so much. Alice wrapped her whole tiny body around him as he sank to his knees and buried his face in his hands shaking with moisture less sobbing.

The conversation was stilted from there but Alice managed to tell us that Zhan must not have truly known how strong the Volturi were as she had only ordered just over a dozen newborns to attack the ancient leaders. Carlisle had called the leaders as soon as he had deemed me safe and un harmed when we had returned to the Forks house. He had thought it a prudent idea to warn them of Alice's visions freezing up. Aro, having both recent thoughts from both Jasper and Alice took the information to heart and gathered the guard to be on heightened alert. It paid off. They had managed to kill all but one, one newborn was spared to interrogate and torture.

"There is more…"

Alice had risen from her spot consoling her mate and looked to Jake and Ren. Jake turned his wolfy head to curiously stare at her. Edward nodded to Alice.

"We have not discussed this with the family recently," Edward took Bella's hand and gave a look to each of us. "But the situation is becoming highly dangerous. Alice will need to see what she can, when she can." I wasn't following where this was going. For a brief second I thought they were referring to my turning Alice off thing.

"No!" Ren yelled, taking her arms away from me and taking a step closer to her parents.

"Are you talking about leaving them behind?" Esme asked.

Suddenly a lot of talking happened and I shared a bewildered look with Ren and Rose. Talking turned in to bickering and I was trying to follow but the level of conversation was happening where it was difficult.

Alice had been having problems seeing around Ren since before she was born. She'd gotten better at seeing around her, but Alice still could absolutely not see around the wolves. It put anyone around them in an awful position. Alice couldn't see if they'd be attacked. Edward argued that if Zhan didn't know about the Quileutes yet they were likely to be left alone. But if she found out… my stomach dropped when I caught that part of the discussion that was bordering on argument.

For the most part the Denali's stayed out of the conversation, as did I, because frankly I didn't really know what to think about the turn of events. Ren was the most outspoken; angry that they thought sending her off to the Res would help the situation. Jake couldn't say anything, and Seth was being calm about the situation. Our eyes caught over the fire once and I felt guilt over our fight, quickly followed by indignation. I would not apologize for sticking up for myself, even if I had behaved like a little child doing it the way I had.

The conversation didn't end on a high note. Ren had reluctantly agreed to the possibility of staying on the Res when Alice brought up my safety.

"I couldn't even see her the entire time she was with Seth. I only saw her being taken because she was far enough away from him."Alice explained her tone sad.

Ren gave me an unhappy grimace like look, as if she needed reminding about how I had been taken.

Bella drove me to the Res, while Seth, Jake and Ren ran there. I was staying at Leah's, as she had the most room at her house, and her house was most centrally located. That was code for; best protected in the middle of everything.

.~.

"I'm sorry," Seth said.

Not really able to work up any sort of emotion but exhaustion I nodded. Leah was setting up the spare bedroom for me while Seth said goodnight to me in her kitchen. The others must have thought we needed a moment to ourselves as Bella gave me a quick goodbye before heading back to the Forks house.

My mouth opened once in an attempt to say something regarding our fight. Not quite finding the words I looked around the tiny kitchen.

"Why don't you want to talk about it?" His voice was soft, troubled.

I knew instantly what 'it' he was referring to. And I felt long buried tears over the loss I felt when I'd been taken from Scotland, and him, resurfacing.

"Because we almost had it. And I-we will never get the chance now."

"Eva... never is a long time. Look at me," and I did. He stood there still in the same khaki's he'd changed in to when we'd arrived, his tan skin radiant in the light.

"I just saw my family nearly killed in front of me. And knowing they were part of a grand tantrum of Zhan's be-because I'd been taken from her. I'm confused and angry Seth. I feel so alone." As much as I wanted to look away from him in shame, I knew I couldn't hide this from him. He deserved to know. He had loved me and as far as I could tell he still loved me in my broken state.

Slowly and steadily he approached me, gently taking me into his arms. My head fell against his shoulder and I felt the frailties in me slip through my eyes in the form of tears. He mumbled a quiet, "You're not alone."

His embrace was so tender, full of love I held on to him and tried with all my might to remember what it felt like to be safe.

Memories of a time long ago when innocents wasn't just a word, it was a part of me. Now there was no innocence left to take from me. I had seen horrific things and there was no going back to being ignorant of the terrible truth that the world was a horrible place.

"There is no going back," I whined while I let my warm salty tears fall onto his bare shoulders.

"You're right. Only forward."

I hadn't sobbed like this with Seth while I was awake and coherent. It'd usually come after I'd just woken up and he'd be there. This felt so much more magnanimous and important that I was here in his arms.

"I am sorry everyone seems to have opinions about you and me. I only really care about what you think of me Eva."

Squishing my eyes tighter I focused on calming some. I could imagine that night in Paris after he'd left me to think on my feelings for him and how he must have worried over scaring me away. Had I been too caught up in the fact that I had cared for Seth, and being near him let me think I could love him too? Or was it hormones and loneliness playing with me? It was hard to deny someone who cared so completely for you when you had no valid reason to. Seth wasn't mean, or cruel. He didn't push and he didn't judge. What logic could I come to now, or then, that lead to a different conclusion then that I loved him back?

He seemed to be waiting for an answer, and I wanted to be a coward. But dancing around the topic wouldn't help me or him.

"If I hadn't been taken," I swallowed thickly forcing myself to imagine it. "We could have been happy."

We'd have come back from tour, me content with meeting my extended family yet knowing it wasn't enough. I'd have struggled with how to proceed with Seth while around my family. We'd sneak away for private moments. Ren, Jake, Seth and I could have had double dates.

We could have made love, and I could have known his physical love as well as I knew his emotional love for me. Rosalie would have made comments about my stink, and Emmett would have made jokes about doggy style. Seth would take me out for romantic dinners and hold my hand. Ren would have always been worried about Seth and me being together, although she wouldn't often voice it I would have been able to read it.

I clung to the Seth I had now. It was unlikely with how depressed and angry I was that I could think about letting our relationship grow. He said it wouldn't matter to him if I was a vampire, but what if I slipped? What if I didn't have the strength Bella, Rosalie, and my dad had shown when they'd been changed? Killing that woman under Zhan's influence was excusable in everyone's mind but my own. Seth forgave me for it the second he'd heard of it. But what would he do when I had _meant_ to kill someone? When I would thirst for blood so badly I would tear him apart to get to my prey, would he love me still?

It hadn't occurred to him that the Volturi would be forcing the family to work for them and he might not be allowed. Or that Aro might use his love for me to make Seth a sort of pet guard dog. I couldn't drag him through all of that pain just because I wanted to see _if_ I loved him enough to keep him and be happy before and after my change.

"I love you Seth, and I do need you…" I couldn't add the 'but' to the end of that sentence and breathed in the earthly smell of him.

"I love you too Evangeline. All I ever want is for you to be happy and safe… and maybe to know that no matter what happens, I am still your friend."

He pulled back and stared at each other for a moment. I nodded while he cupped my cheek and wiped some of the tears from my face.

Leah cleared her throat from the hallway by the stairs. And I realized how exhausted I was. I gave Seth a tired smile and he kissed my forehead quickly before I went off to bed.

Sleep came quickly and but when the powerless nightmares started, they weren't as bad as they had been. That night was the first night in my dreams I had been able to fight back.

..~..

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AN: One thing after another huh? Leave me a review to let me know what you think of the story so far. Also if I do get a lot of reviews I might actually post two chapters this week. Sort of a gift exchange between us. I get reviews and you get more chapters! Everyone's happy!

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	14. Foreigners

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

AN: Whew so a chapter update! I want to take this time to thank all the new people that have put Panthalassa on their favorites or updates! Come say 'Hi' sometime, I promise I don't bite.

Sadly this will be the last update of the year, I know I know… it's sad. But there will be one next year. Also there are some new characters introduced in this chapter, let me know what you think of them.

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**Panthalassa : High Tide  
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**Chapter 14 - Foreigners**

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Ren was livid. She didn't stop sending me random swear words as the family told the other humans involved in this supernatural world what the plan had become.

"Keep our granddaughter safe." Esme said gently hugging the frail Charlie while Carlisle shook Sue's hand.

It had been settled while I slept. Ren, Jake and Seth would be staying here. I wasn't nearly as bothered by him staying behind as I could have been. Our talk the night before had eased my worries of what the right thing to do with Seth was. We would just have to wait and see if our attraction would survive after the battle with Zhan was fought, and hopefully won.

The fact Ren was staying upset me more. She was near tears, rage filled tears at that. Although I knew she understood why it was necessary it didn't make it any easier. She was likely to be eaten up with worry before we even left Forks. Which wasn't for another day, Nahuel had gotten stuck at an airport in Texas so he had to wait with Huilen till the sun set to get on a flight after the sun set.

We were to rent a private jet to get all of us back to the Denali's home. Nahuel was going to be staying on the Res with Ren; Huilen had barely given in to going with the rest of us to Denali. It made me feel slightly better that Nahuel was safer with the tribe than with his aunt.

"Shit," Edward swore, my eyes went wide and I followed his gaze. Alice zipped to my side.

"We can handle this Edward." Alice said confidently sparing him a glance.

"We are going to have a human visiting us, an old classmate from our high school years here. They've heard rumors of someone moving in to the old Cullen place and decided to come for a visit."

The rest of the family, Denali's included didn't look like they liked this.

"Can't they pretend to be the-" the words died in my mouth as I saw that it wasn't nearly as overcast outside as it had been when I first got here after breakfast.

So that was how I met Jessica Gardner, formerly Jessica Stanley. Jessica worked for a Salon in Port Angels and lived in Forks. The entire family was upstairs listening to our interaction. Emmett and Garrett had managed to fix all the windows in the front of the house. I had to be careful not to lead Mrs. Gardner to close to the back porch where there was empty space where the glass door used to be.

"Sorry to just drop in like this," Jessica said calmly, taking in the sparsely furnished living room as I opened the door for her to come in. Alice had told me to be hospitable but very careful of what I said.

"It's alright, I've just been getting settled. Don't actually know how long I'll stay here," I started to rub my sore neck as she set the muffin basket on the counter in the kitchen. I offered her bottled water, she refused claiming she couldn't stay long.

"So you say you knew the people who used to live here?" I asked. The weirdness factor on this entire conversation could not be put into words. I kept seeing the age lines on her face and grey hair on her head, and wondered if Bella had never met the Cullen's if she would look similar. Or would Bella have aged more gracefully?

"I came here for a graduation party. The family that used to live here was quiet secretive. I'd heard a rumor from my husband's friend that Charlie Swan, the old classmate I told you about's father, that she had recently come to visit him and that they were using their old house. Thought I might drop in and see them. It's been ages."

_I'm sure_. I thought sarcastically.

"Sorry… you see Dr. Cullen-Edward- he was helping me get settled and they only visited Charlie for the day or two till they knew I had everything."

"Are you going to be working in town then?"

What was with people being nosy at the most inconvenient times? I thought to the rooms full of vampires upstairs and decided I'd had enough of this old classmate of my siblings.

"No…actually I-I left my abusive husband. He's in the CIA… and Dr. Cullen was kind enough to offer me a place to stay." I said quite seriously, looking at my obviously scarred hands. The woman's eyes followed mine and I heard her gasp. Then I saw her look to the bruise Alice had made on my shoulder, it was a nice deep purple that the thin strap of my shirt didn't cover.

"He very nearly managed to kill me the last time. Dr. Cullen-Edward- took pity on me and decided to help."

"You poor, poor girl," Jessica cooed, looking aghast. She also, much to my pleasure looked uncomfortable. I knew Jasper was helping us along when I felt the emotion intensify.

"So you can see why your discretion is vital. I-I-think if-" I pretended to choke on a sob and closed my eyes tightly, "He'll kill me the next time he finds me."

"I would never tell a soul! Oh my poor girl, you said your name is Ann?" I nodded.

Jessica Gardner was a piece of work. She left her number for me in case I needed her, for any reason, and gave me an awkward hug as I saw her to her truck. If my story was true, and I had an abusive husband that worked for the CIA it was highly unlikely I would call her to leave a trace to my whereabouts.

As soon as the truck was out of sight the entire clutch of vampires came down.

"Clutch?" Edward asked a smile at his lips.

"A coven is supposed to be a small group. When thirteen of you come down the stairs together what else am I supposed to call it?"

"Are you calling us chickens?" Garrett asked definitely enjoying the lighter mood after the previous nights depressing atmosphere.

"You run away from a woman in her late thirties, what would you call that?" I shot back. Tanya and Kate stifled laughter behind their hands.

"Well you were startling Jessica down here with tales of spouse abuse, we've had another development." Carlisle stated.

Sighing I went to the fridge just to look for a snack, and enjoyed the hum of the motor working to cool the food inside. I decided on a deviled egg, Sue had given us a whole platter full of them when we'd left that morning.

Rose, Tanya, Eleazar, Emmett, Jasper, Carmen and Kate all wrinkled their noses at my choice of food. For the first time in a long time I felt a genuine smile pulling at the corners of my mouth watching their reaction to the food I was eating.

"Alright," I said placing my hand flat on the counter watching the clutch of vampires take up positions around the dining room and kitchen. "What's happened?" I kept myself focused on Edward and Carlisle fully aware any 'news' would have likely come from Alice.

"Don't worry, it's good news." Perky Alice was back, and it struck me that perhaps she was trying to keep things light to help cheer up Jasper. Just a look at my brother I could tell he was still thoroughly shaken up at his best friend's murder.

"We aren't sure it's good news," Eleazar was quick to correct.

"They are simply _looking_ for us. And from the little guessing game up stairs I can see they only get what they want if Eva is with us when we meet them."

"What?" I asked flatly.

"Before you get too worked up," Edward quickly added, "Alice has seen two male vampires, none of which any of us has ever met, except one of them was at the camp just when the Volturi arrived. Philippe distinctly remembered him as arriving just as the battle was settling down, it seemed likely to Philippe that that vampire brought the camps attention to the Volturi to begin with… although nothing Aro thought indicated anyone had tipped them off so to speak-"

_Get on with it Edward._

"Right sorry. Alice has seen that they are looking for us. Us-" he indicated the Cullens, "in particular for some unknown reason. But whenever we send a few of us to meet them they still seem to need something more-"

"I think they need to meet you," Alice said doubtfully, her lips coming to a little pucker while her brows crinkled slightly in the middle.

"Two vampires, of unknown intentions, want to meet me?" I asked challengingly.

"They just decided last night, around the time everyone was being attacked. It was one of the many visions I had to put aside till all other important things were…figured out."

"Now it could just be me, but this sounds like a really bad idea." I guessed, taking a look around.

"There will be thirteen of us there to meet their two. I am sure whatever they want with you will be dealt with peacefully." Jasper spoke up.

My eyes narrowed.

"Do we even know what they want? What makes you think it's me they want to see?"

Alice handled this question as well, "No matter what we decide if you aren't with us, we keep ending up seeing you at one point. As if you are the reason they are seeking us out."

"Are you certain they aren't related-or have anything to do with Zhan?"

"If they did, I would personally be happy to set the trap and destroy both of them." Garrett growled darkly. I had almost forgotten that he'd lost friends too.

_Am I wrong in assuming you are waiting for my opinion on this? _I asked Edward.

"As far as we have been able to tell it does involve you. We could simply follow the original plan to go meet them without you, and I can see what they want." His answer was not helpful.

Whatever these two new vampires wanted it didn't look like it was to be dangerous, and with all of our allies being killed maybe these two new vampires were looking for protection. Although what that had to do with me was beyond my comprehension.

"They will be near Madison by tomorrow morning." Alice said.

"Why Madison?" I asked.

"Search me." She responded shrugging.

"It is likely the last place whomever told them of us knew we had been." Carlisle said.

"So… I guess I am okay with going." Hell if I didn't feel safe with 13 vampires around me while I met two new ones I had bigger problems than I thought.

.~.

After we got to the Reedsburg home, the Denali's went hunting and Esme busied herself tidying up Seth's old house for them. Huilen was yet again made aware of the change in plans and would be arriving later that evening.

Most of my siblings were off enjoying themselves at their cabins while I did my 'homework' as Alice had ordered me to. My family had made reasonable excuses to my label; Greg had been unwaveringly sympathetic when Jasper, acting as my real brother, told him over the phone of my diagnosis of Lymphoma. Actually it was some sort of highly aggressive cancer with some long scientific name that I didn't care to remember. But Josie, Branson, Greg and the members of the band Shells were the only ones to know as of yet why I abruptly disappeared from my own skyrocketing career. My homework was to write new songs, or try to. She had said to think of it as some sort of therapy. It didn't help that Carlisle thought it was a good idea as well and sent me to work back up in my old room.

I turned on the Media Mix consol that Rose had unpacked from a household box that had been in the basement. Turns out they kept a lot of things in their houses and only moved the things they had a special attachment to.

I had been doodling random triangles and circles when I heard the first few bars from a song I knew like I had birthed it.

There was something in your eyes last night

That made me was to cry and fight

The burden was yours but I carried it too

With lives lost along the way, there was only so much I could do

You couldn't stay where you belong so you forced me from shadow into the light.

So here I lay, left broken by the wake

And here I'll stay my life now for you to take

I was thirsty for a drink

And you fulfilled my need

But instead of cool clean water

You drown me in the sea

There was something in the air last night

That you told me you were wrong, and it wasn't alright

You said 'those that thirst may know the sea can wet their lips

But soon find they cannot stop after one sip'

I know now that the tide will pull you in to the oceans grip.

And the water that seems so sweet will crush you just like a ship.

I was thirsty for a drink

And you fulfilled my need

But instead of cool clean water

You drown me in the sea

Its cool pressing weight will kill you

But its beauty pulls you in

Its frigid crushing weight will surround you and leave nothing in its wake.

But instead of life saving water

You drown me in the sea

But instead of cool clean water

You drown me in the sea

Only after I had sung along with the whole song, I realized why it was so familiar. It had been one of _my_ songs.

Panthalassa had been one of my favorite songs, as it had a special place in my heart due to the circumstances that caused it to be written. The family knew it had been about them however obscure the reference, and cherished it. I had no idea why, I had basically written it about their betrayal, as a sort of way to deal with it. It hadn't had a title till after I saw that special on the land mass Pangea and the giant ocean Panthalassa.

The next song on the player was some other new up and coming artist and I sat there with the pencil limply in my hand as I pondered the new emotion bubbling back to life inside of me. It was a feather light feeling in the back of my brain.

I felt better. After singing my own song, I felt better. There was no logical or quantifiable reason for it. But a tiny ghost of a smile passed over my lips.

And the thought of singing a song for myself lodged into my mind I instantly started writing out lyrics for a new song. Alice couldn't have possibly seen this outcome to her homework. She had probably wanted to distract me while the family went off to do "couple" things.

.~.

After a late dinner, Alice took me aside.

"I wanted to… _officially_ apologize for trying to kill you." She said earnestly.

I shrugged, "I should have realized with the bleeding and all. I mean I am the best smelling human for miles it's no wonder you wanted a piece of me." I joked mildly tugging on a small bit of her black hair.

"You really have no idea," she lamented painfully.

The clutch and I did a little story telling. I hadn't done it intentionally, but I had asked Jasper to tell me something nice about Peter, since the only memory of him that left an impression on me had been when he'd showed up at Ren and Jakes cabin. It set them all off talking about those we've lost. And Garrett had been censoring his tales of his friends, for my benefit I was sure, because he mentioned hunting for pigs, as if I was a little girl and didn't know exactly what they _really_ hunted. But even still I found his effort to not scar or scare me touching.

Carlisle told stories of the British vampires; one named Alistair and how once the radio had been invented he'd spend nearly all of his time listening to it. It was a quirky story for the rather depressing sounding vampire now turned to dust. There were stories of the first vampires Alice had come across after she'd woken up, and how they had to explain everything about being a vampire. I'd never heard her talk about Micah and Holly, but they obviously had been important to her from the stories she told.

As much as I knew my family was made up of people trapped in monsters bodies I was beginning to feel sorry for the loss of the human eating vampire friends my family had. It was mostly because I didn't like the fact they were all hurting now.

I went to bed after they started calling the other covens they knew that were still alive, each family member talking to any and all they could get a hold of and try to convince them to meet us in Denali after our meeting with the two strange vampires in the morning.

The moon was near full, and I felt its looming presence a woeful and harmful thing. To think, that once I looked at the moon and thought it beautiful. It's strange the changes that happen in your life, you go from being a happy kid living with your mum to being passed around the States system because nobody wanted you. Then end up being taken in by a loving family that was made up of actual vampires. I reflect before I fall asleep on the reaction I have to the moon now, and how that came to be. And come to the conclusion that we really are our experiences.

.~.

Morning came.

But what woke me up wasn't Esme, or even the sun peaking through my window. It wasn't the smell of food. It wasn't an alarm clock.

If someone answered the question of what woke me I doubt they would have _ever_ gotten it.

A sun bomb of lights behind my eyes and my instantaneous reaction to turn them off stopped yet another attack on me. But for a bewildering moment in the light of the morning I couldn't understand what had happened.

I could feel pressure on my head again, and a distinct five fingers gripping me, but also there was a hand firmly pushing on my middle as if to hold me there. Maybe I was still dreaming? Some sort of lingering anxiety dream dealing with Alice attacking roughly 24 hours previous.

My eyes were wide open and looking straight to the ceiling.

Was there a ghost pinning me down? I struggled to move, and again the sharp pain in my neck from Alice's attack let me know I was definitely in a very similar position.

My bedroom door slammed open and my eyes drifted over to Edward standing there looking completely beside himself with concern.

"Confusion." He corrected me.

"What is it?" Jasper and Esme came in the room after him and Esme screamed at whatever she saw.

"Is it a ghost attacking me?" I asked suddenly curious and awed by my cool ability to freeze even invisible things.

"We can't see it. But we can tell it's pushing you into the mattress," Jasper explained. And soon most of the clutch was coming into my bedroom. Carlisle and Emmett were conspicuously missing.

"Our guests have arrived it seems," Edward said now touching something about a foot in front of me. It looked like he was miming running his hands over a head.

"Not miming, Jasper feel here." Edward directed Jaspers hand and Garrett, apparently really interested as well stuck his hand down as well.

"It's a vampire." Garrett said suddenly.

_Great. Now I am catching invisible vampires in my sleep_.

IN MY SLEEP!

INVISIBLE VAMPRIES!

First thought I have is 'oh of course I do,' quickly followed by 'this is fucking insane' and 'hot damn I think I am learning to love these aggravating little lights.'

"I agree with all those thoughts," Edward said looking directly at me

A bunch of snakes must have been released because most of the vampires in my room started hissing and half fled to the living room.

Edward and Jasper were still feeling up the invisible vampire.

"Looks like they were hiding something," Jasper muttered darkly, his hands now going down, what I assumed was one of the arms pinning my middle down.

I hear some shouting then Edward growling lowly before leaving my room. Only Esme, Rose and Tanya remain as Jasper was feeling up the invisible vampire.

"Not to hurry you or anything but I am getting a head ache again, whoever this is, is grabbing me almost on the same spots on my head as Alice did." Merely thinking about Alice seems to bring her out of nowhere as she appeared next to her mate with a small paint bucket from the garage and took a brush to liberally apply it to the vampire. It is one of the coolest and surreal things I have ever seen as she paints the invisible hair, head, and face a dull mint green that had been the living rooms color before Esme remolded.

Jasper finds the thumb near my temple and I push the lights away as I wait for him to snap the thumb. He does and then quickly lifts the invisible thing off of me.

More angry voices from down stairs and I am suddenly worried.

"Evangeline you can stay up here if you are uncomfortable," Esme says taking in my appearance. My hair is a tangled mass behind me, and my pajama's are rumpled. But aside from the bruising I feel on my head and a sort of ache in my gut where I was pushed down I feel lucky to be alive.

"Are our guests downstairs?" I asked. Rosalie nods and Tanya's eyes flickers between the half invisible half mint green statue as Alice effortlessly lifts it up to bring it out of my room.

Having just woken up by the flashing of my lights and successfully turning off yet another vampire I was in a little bit of a daze as I made my way to the first level where I was sure the unknown vampires were.

Downstairs there is a sort of hostile feel to the room. And I didn't notice the two Asian vampires right away. As nearly all the male members of my clutch are blocking them from my view.

"It is as I said. She is not in any danger. I do not know why Shizuka attacked but I assure you her being invisible is not an aggressive act-" The speaker a tall slim looking vampire with deep red eyes stops speaking once he sees me. From what little I can see of the two males they look remarkably alike. Both are the same height and the one I could see the clearest had a slightly longer face and a more angular jaw line.

My mouth popped open once I got a clear look at him.

"You have facial hair." I said surprised. All of my family tensed slightly and I heard someone clear their throat in the awkward silence.

"Perhaps…" the male that had been speaking when I had first come in to the living room began, "We should start this conversation with introductions." His gaze was solidly on me and I couldn't look away from him.

A small itch of curiosity spread throughout me. I had seen all sorts of vampires, and I had even seen some of my brothers without their shirts. It was enough for me to know that other than eyebrows, eyelashes, and the hair on top of their head vampires were hairless. So to see a vampire changed in what I would guess was his late twenties with a thin yet very attractive little beard edging out his jaw line really fascinated me.

It had completely derailed my frustration with having been attacked in bed. Now that I realized why there was a hostile feel to the room was because of the invisible vampire likely belonging to his coven I felt a little humiliated that the first thing I said to the new coven had been a bit immature.

No one spoke for a moment and I assumed Edward and Alice were working to figure out what was the best course of action. So far the two vampires I could see weren't setting me on edge, like even the Irish coven had.

Was I gaining maturity and confidence as I grew? As I came to realize that my ability wasn't just a way to cause headaches was I becoming more confident in my proximity to red eyes?

I barely caught the movement of the family moving to different positions. I suddenly felt grubby, wishing I'd at least brushed my hair before coming down. A path between where the two new vampires stood at just inside the entrance and me was made. Jasper put a hand on my pajama top and gently, but firmly, guided me to sit at the only piece of furniture in the living room that the family had left here after the move to Maine.

Emmett and Garrett stood near the arm of the couch that was between myself and the visitors. Alice gestured the two to sit, or stand, by the long window across from me. All the others; Tanya, Rose, Kate, Carmen, Esme, Bella, Eleazar stood behind me, and I only knew because I could feel the heat behind my eyes indicated that vampires were really close behind. Edward sat next to me, Carlisle on my other side, Jasper next to him, and Alice sat on the other arm of the couch.

It must have looked rather intimidating. Almost like I was a queen being surrounded by my knights.

"My name is Shirokawa Kenji, this is my son Ichiro the one you have covered in green paint is Shizuka and we are three of the leaders of the Japanese Empire. We came because of the advice of the fourth leader, we only seek information." His demeanor was relaxed, even among 13 vampires that were probably looking for reasons to kill him and his son-wait… his son?

I wasn't the only one with questions.

"Son?" Carlisle asked.

"I have raised him from his birth." Kenji explained.

"This is my family," Carlisle began taking Kenji's information in stride, "My wife Esme, sons Emmett, Jasper, and Edward. Daughters Rosalie, Alice, Bella, and Evangeline," he must have gestured at each of us as we were introduced, but my focus was so completely on Kenji and Ichiro I noticed he held my gaze as the introductions went on.

Tanya introduced her family and Kenji nodded once.

"First, I do want to convey my sincerest apologies to you, Evangeline. I do not know what caused Shizuka to attack in the manner she did. We were aware that we were coming to get information from a coven that did not feed the usual way so to ease our hosts we fed before journeying here to seek you out." He sounded mournful for the way our initial start had gone. I am sure, as a leader, he thought perhaps it would have gone smoother. Edward's hand that was between our touching legs gave me a small pinch through my pajamas.

"Are you injured?" Kenji asked.

A small lump in my throat swelled. I certainly _was_ hurt, my head felt tender and the pain in my middle felt like I was cramping horribly, but maybe it would be better to pretend I had managed to stop the invisible attacker before she had done anything. I shook my head slightly and for the first time since sitting I looked away from him.

Even with all the stress of how I was woken up and the new vampires in the living room, I was still stuck on thinking about Kenji's facial hair. Why? I had no idea. It was so… enthralling. I hoped he'd answer as to why he had facial hair and no other males did.

This Shizuka was still frozen and half painted green standing just next to Tanya and Kate. It looked like they were jailers keeping her from the safety of her coven.

Ichiro said something in Japanese to Kenji's, and Kenji's eyes cut to Edward as well as Carlisle.

Then Jasper said something back to them. And a sort of argument must have broken out as everyone started speaking Japanese.

My eyes widened as things seemed to be getting tenser.

"What's going on?" I asked the room.

"They want us to divulge what abilities we have among our coven." Carlisle said keeping his eyes on the two Japanese vampires. Kenji shifted in a very human movement by crossing his legs and running a hand through his jet black hair.

"Ichiro is unfair in asking that of you. It sets him on edge to be surrounded by such a powerful coven." Kenji explained his red eyes purposefully locking with Carlisle's.

"To set everyone at ease perhaps we can come to an agreement. You will be told of our abilities in exchange for the knowledge of three of the six of you that have special talents here."

"Six?"

"How did you know?" Two of my family spoke at the same time.

Before the family could silently decide who would divulge their ability Alice spoke up.

"I can see the future."

Jasper let a wave of despair and protectiveness sweep through our group.

Kenji nodded and Ichiro narrowed his eyes slightly at Alice and then relaxed.

"As you have seen Shizuka's ability is to become invisible. She cannot be seen, heard or smelled when invisible. It is her most comfortable state as well, so it is not surprising to me that she was invisible when she attacked your daughter." Kenji was obviously the leader in the group that came to visit. Ichiro was very clearly taking his lead from his father.

"I can sense abilities in others," Eleazar spoke up. I hadn't been able to tell if they had managed to silently decide who was divulging what ability.

"I can repel and nullify other abilities," Ichiro said plainly, his voice belying a little pride and his gaze turned towards someone behind my left shoulder. I turned to follow his gaze and saw Bella glance down at me before returning Ichiro's stare.

"It would be very nice to know what ability you have Bella, as it is setting my own on alert." Ichiro calmly said.

It was then that I realized Bella must have been covering each of the family, aside from myself that was. Edward looked behind us to communicate with Bella.

"I can shield others from the effects of some mental abilities."

"And illusion shield…" Kenji stated, sounding amused.

"Excuse me?" –"Illusion shield?", I heard murmurs again and was starting to realize how hard it was to focus on the topic at hand with so many people involved. I was glad they were all here to provide that comfort and support I was sure I'd need facing to new vampires. At the same time it felt like a bit too much.

"That can be explained later. As for my own ability I can change the shape and size of objects. And that may answer your questions regarding my facial hair. Evangeline. As we vampires lose most of our body hair during the change, the hair follicles are still there. I merely force the hair our through my skin, you could say I force it to grow."

That, well, was pretty cool. I thought. They too seemed to have a very powerful coven, even if it was just that four of them.

"Thank you for sharing that with us," Esme spoke up for the first time. Kenji gave her a small smile.

"Now that that is out of the way we can move on to why you came here to get information." Carlisle stated, his tone open and congenial. Others seemed to relax around me, and I wished I had a better view of the room. As it was I was only really able to see Emmett, Alice, Kenji, Ichiro, and Edwards reactions to anything.

"Ah," Ichiro said and relaxed a bit against the glass window. Kenji uncrossed his legs and leaned to rest his elbows on his knees, once again looking at me.

"The last of the four leaders of our empire can also see the future," Alice made a happy noise; "He is as close to fate divined that one can come to. He sees visions of the things that may cause trouble eventually or things that are beneficial. We never know how or when his visions will pay off. The longest distance vision he has ever had was thirty five years for a warning so my creator and I would not kill Shizuka's parents before she was born."

Everyone made some sort of noise at that. Alice clapped her hands happily, Jasper whistled, while I heard hushed "wows'" from those behind me. I bit my lip and sucked it in slightly. My headache was getting worse.

"As cryptic as Toji's visions can be, once Shizuka informed me of the attacks Zhan issued he had a vision of a blonde female vampire," His eyes flicked to Tanya, "That would be of great interest to our goals in destroying her."

"How would I be of any use beyond the normal?" Tanya asked with a half scoffing tone.

"Perhaps his vision is a little premature," and with a wave of some base emotion quivering through me I met Kenji's eyes again.

Putting a name to the emotion I guessed it was thrill. The idea they had come because of me was, at first, a little bit scary. As if they would hunt me down to kill me. But the Japanese coven seemed to want Zhan's end just as much as everyone else in the room. A new feeling of unity enclosed the room. Jasper possibly aiding it to give us all a better chance against her.

"Evangeline, would it be possible to speak with you alone?" And before Kenji could even finish his question Edward and Alice were growling.

Varying forms of negative answers rippled through my family, and I smiled slightly at even Rosalie's vehemence.

"Why?" I asked immediately, ignoring the room. I was hoping Edward was getting plenty of information off of the two.

"I feel the sharing of information that I need, and that Toji said you would need from me would be best relayed in a private conversation." Kenji said. He was still calmly holding my gaze and I wondered if he'd try to eat me out there and alone.

"There is absolutely no way we can allow Evangeline to be alone with anyone that feeds off of humans." Carlisle stated neutrally. He had phrased it so he wouldn't offend Kenji or Ichiro while still letting them know it wasn't going to happen.

Duel emotions were coursing through me. I was happy my family was very ready to protect me, and I knew I needed it. But then the other emotion of frustration came from no where throwing me, and Jasper, for a loop. It was probably due to the fact I had no problem instinctually using my ability on those that were obviously a threat to me.

Edward nodded next to me, but made it look like he was turning his head to look at my reaction. So he was agreeing with me, in so much that I could very likely take care of myself. Well I wasn't sure if I could overcome Ichiro's ability. But Kenji? Maybe if he tried anything while we were alone I could turn him into a statue, we'd have our own collection going.

The conversation was basically at a standstill and Kenji must have known not to push, the family wanted to know what he was going to ask me, and he smiled sadly and said he was not sure it was a good idea to tell the family before he told me himself. Curiouser and Curiouser.

"There is something we should discuss," Edward stated once it was clear that I would not be talking alone with the human eater. "Zhan. You wish her destruction as well?"

Ichiro nodded, "It is one thing that all of the covens in Japan are dedicated to."

"All of the covens?" Rosalie asked.

"The vampires of Japan are notorious xenophobes," Kate said.

"I once tried to go to Japan," Garrett added sounding a bit angry, "I was told if I tried to come back I would be killed."

"You are lucky you got one warning." Ichiro stated.

"We closed the feeding boarders over four hundred years ago. Our population is a prime hunting area for our kind. This I have always known. Toji and I have worked very hard to maintain a Japanese vampire only on Japanese soil policy. To allow others into our feeding ground would upset the system set in place and agreed upon by our allied covens." Kenji said with a protective air.

"It makes sense," Alice perkily stated.

"We will be setting up a strategy to dispose of Zhan and her mate Wei. But the attacks a day ago throughout the world threw Toji for a loop. He has advised us against attacking Zhan until I met with your coven."

I felt a bit like a pet at the moment, a bit like a burden or something of a novelty. I was stuck, literally in the middle of this war. Because even if I could walk away from the war, being changed and all the horrors I knew were heading down this path directly before me, I had my family to think about. I had my revenge to think about. And it filled me with biter anger to think that the Japanese covens, Kenji and Ichiro would get to destroy Zhan while I, who promised myself to make her suffer, would be standing on the side lines like a good little human.

That was to say if the Japanese coven could succeed without outside help. It was one of the reasons it confused me that Kenji was intent on talking to me, rather than allying with the vampires in front of him. He didn't even know Kate, Edward and Jaspers abilities. Surely even just having Bella fight with them would help, she could make Zhan's ability null and void and then they would only have to worry about Wei.

My stomach made some noise and the conversation stopped.

"Perhaps we shall come back later to continue our discussion. And your coven can think over allowing Evangeline and myself to converse."

Ichiro gave me a little smile at that, as if he knew how embarrassing it was to have an entire war council stop because of hunger.

"I'm fine," I stated quickly. But the vampires weren't listening. Kenji made to stand and Carlisle bowed to him. The two Japanese bowed back.

"Wait… what about…?" I hesitated, interrupting the bowing and glanced at the frozen vampire.

"Can you reverse it?" Ichiro asked tilting his head.

"I-maybe. I have done this before," I distinctly felt like I shouldn't have told them that as soon as the words were out of my mouth.

"It would be very generous of you if you would return her to her natural state Evangeline. But I am aware that given how she attacked you, you might not be so inclined to grant this request. Shizuka is vital in our plans to eliminate Zhan and Wei."

His words had a sort of poetic rhythm to them. And neither Kenji nor Ichiro had any discernable accents and seemed…kind. And a plan began to bloom in my mind. They were already dedicated to riding the world of Zhan. Why shouldn't my family try to become their allies? Maybe reactivating Shizuka could show them that we were willing to work together. Because as much as I thought we were powerful, in no way did I think that fighting Zhan was going to be easy. Especially not with her armies of were wolves and newborns. My heart clenched painfully thinking of any of my family being hurt or even killed. If we could work together it was far less likely I would lose someone I loved.

When I swallowed the little bubble of nerves I looked to Edward.

_Should I?_

"At noon we will try to reinstate Shizuka to her normal state," Edward nodded to the two Asian men. I gave them a reassuring smile before they gave our group a nod.

"We will be in the woods five miles north if you have need of us." Was Kenji's smooth response.

After a moment which seemed to be long enough for them to leave the hearing range of our conversation. Alice turned to me, hands on hips in a spritely happy manner.

"That went well."

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AN: Happy New Years to all! Japanese coven, strange, they have their own Alice too! Leave a review and you get karma! (I just made that up, but it should be a thing)

One more thing, if you are a fan of Harry Potter, please read my one-shot. It wont take you long I promise!

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	15. Neutral Zone

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

AN: Hello all! Well I was sitting around feeling unloved when I checked and found a new review for HT, thank you Geriana! I was so happy I decided to finish the next chapter and get it out to you tonight!

I am also going to be posting a poll on my profile it will be for me to write oneshot story, readers choice, the poll will close once I get 100 reviews for HT and LT combined. So head on over to let me know what Outtake side story you want. Oh and review!

**Panthalassa : High Tide**

**Chapter 15 - Neutral Zone**

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Esme, Carmen and Rosalie went to the kitchen to make me something to eat, and I leaned back against the couch slowly stretching my neck.

"We have a lot to go over," Edward stated.

"What were they thinking?" Carlisle asked as Eleazar took the spot previously occupied by Kenji, Emmett took Ichiro's spot and Tanya took the spot Carlisle had vacated to bow to Kenji.

"You'll all be amused to know more of what they were feeling than thinking, as I have very little to go off of." Edward smirked and looked at me, before kissing the back of Bella's hand as she held his.

"You couldn't read their thoughts?" Carlisle asked a little shocked, but also concerned.

"Ichiro is right about his ability, he can nullify others abilities, however he only started using it once he knew Bella had a shield. His thoughts were completely in Japanese and also another older version of the Ainu language. Kenji was thinking completely in the older dialect, which I had no ability to translate."

"So you couldn't get anything from them?" Eleazar pressed.

"Aside from him thinking of our names, no." Tanya gave a low whistle at that statement.

It was Jaspers turn to shine.

"Ichiro is fascinated by Evangeline, and dislikes Bella's ability. Kenji was a little harder to read as he seems to be very well in control of his emotions. When he first arrived and you questioned him about Evangeline being attacked I felt a rush of worry, anger, and shame. When he met Eva-" Jasper paused here and looked at me across the room, "he felt disgust."

That shocked me, and I was still reeling over the fact some unknown vampire could instantly dislike me when Esme called me to come eat.

"Jasper said disgust not dislike. I don't think it was directed at you as a person Evangeline." Edward corrected my thoughts.

"Either way, it doesn't make me feel better." And it didn't add any confidence to the plan I had about getting our groups to an alliance.

I massaged my neck as I started to eat the scrambled eggs Rosalie had whipped up for me. Carmen was expertly making crepes for which I found myself excited for.

"They were both concerned with Shizuka, but felt no threat from us."

"They didn't find us threatening?" Emmett asked, clearly offended.

"Not in the least that I could pick up. Kenji warmed to you a bit Evangeline because he felt a rather strong amount of guilt when he was asking about you being injured. And he felt worse when you lied to him."

"But I-" I made to make an excuse.

"We could all hear your heart rate spike. It was very smart of you to try and hide your pain to provide a strong front to Ichiro and Kenji." As Edward explained from the living room I took a bite of my eggs.

"So what do we do with them now?" Kate asked from the living room, she said it loud enough so that I could hear.

"We should try to ally ourselves with them," It was Carmen that said my internal thoughts.

"I don't think they'll agree to that." Garrett snorted.

"Why?" Carmen and I asked at the same time. She shared a smile with me while she slid the brand new crepe onto my plate

"The Japs are xenophobes. And I don't mean in the "protect our herd" sort of way. The oldest vampire I ever met name Udhala from India said that about 1500 the Japs starting getting horribly aggressive to any that came in to their territory. Eventually word spread and it just became common knowledge, I guess, that no one goes to Japan." Garrett explained.

"Which exactly is the type of thing that interested you," Kate sighed with exasperation.

Garrett chuckled once before blurring to stand closer to the dining room where I was eating, he winked at me once.

"Oh you know me, tell me it's forbidden and I just have to see why. I got as far as Kobe before they caught up to me. But this was back when the humans had just been forced to open up their harbors. I could hardly resist, the air was rank with the smells of rebellion." Shaking my head at Garrett's story I found a small smile building in me.

"So they don't like foreigners? Or is it they don't like others hunting on their ground?" Bella asked to clarify.

"Both." Garrett said with a sad frown. "I would put them down as a zero chance possibility of allying with. Unless their future seer sees something to make them…"

"What do you think they want to talk with Eva about?" Rose asked moving from the kitchen to go sit with Emmett in the living room.

I smiled to myself now, realizing for the first time that I felt comfortable here. This house was my home, even with most of the furniture and decorations missing, I felt safer and healthier just being here.

There were many things Kenji could want to talk to me about.

"There is one bit of information that might be helpful," Edward's smooth voice broke the small silence following Rose's question. "Ichiro was at the camp when the Volturi came to…clean up. His memory of the event was in his language but I got the impression he had needed every human to be killed. The Volturi sparing Evangeline must not have sat well with Ichiro."

"What!" Esme, Alice and I all screeched in various tones of contempt and shock.

"Are you saying that the Japanese coven knew about the camps?" Eleazar asked.

"Why would he want to kill Eva?" Came from Alice.

_Is he the one that I saw blearily? _I asked Edward in my head, barely remembering the form standing near Jane as my vision was fuzzy.

"Yes Eva." He answered me.

"But why would he have been there?" Jasper asked.

The questions kept coming with no real answers. And what _did_ Kenji want with me? Maybe he would kidnap me to change me just like Zhan had wanted.

"Alice," Edward suddenly stated, interrupting my thoughts. "If we agree to let Evangeline go talk with Kenji alone what will the outcome be?" I could barely make out the grumblings, and I saw Esme turn to the living room from her spot washing grapes for me and glare.

"Too many of us are against it, so I can't see."

A long pause lasted roughly thirty seconds, in which I am sure everyone allowed for the idea of me going to talk to a strange xenophobic vampire by myself. My opinion was leaning towards the more curious side than to the completely terrified side. Being able to stop a vampire from draining me dry really did boost my confidence.

"Well, that is… unexpected," Edward said while Alice poked her head around the tiny wall from the living room to the dining room where I sat.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing bad," Alice said quickly shooting Edward a look.

My left eyebrow rose in challenge.

"He touches you-"Edward began.

"And you didn't freeze him." Alice interrupted. It felt like there was something Alice was trying to keep from me, and Edward's lips were pressed in to a thin line like he was trying not to laugh.

"So…?" Emmett said leadingly, hoping to get back to the topic at hand.

"He can be trusted. But you have to talk to him before you wake Shizuka up. I can't tell why but there are some serious complications after that."

"So he won't drain Evangeline dry or run off with her?" Rosalie asked, obviously more than one person was on the same page as me concerning what Kenji would do with me when we were alone.

Alice shook her head.

That decided we started asking Garrett all he knew about the Japanese. Because as much as our family know about Japan and their closed boarders it seemed Garrett had a more well rounded knowledge of them.

.~.

I stood there sweating on the porch as Ichiro and Kenji made their way through the small grassy area I had walked through on my 18th birthday. Carlisle was standing next to me and Edward was on my other side.

"It seems you have a response to my request," Kenji said succinctly.

"You may speak with my daughter alone to discuss what you wish. Ichiro stays here with us until you return. Please do not go too far." The last bit seemed to be added as an afterthought and I almost caught myself smiling at my dad's worrying. Alice had already seen me coming back whole and complete.

Turning his deep red eyes to me Kenji nodded once. My mouth popped open slightly, did his eye color change? They had been a normal vampire red before. Now they were more…brown.

Kenji said something to Ichiro and they shared a sort of bow and touched foreheads together. For as quick as it was, it seemed rather intimate.

I gave Edward and Carlisle a half-hearted smile before stepping down the front steps, Ichiro passed me and I could feel the slight burning tingle in my eyes at his proximity. It felt like a prisoner exchange. And my nerves were building at what could possibly be said by this man to me. If I had been against going at all my family wouldn't have allowed it. But here I was okay with it, but it was mostly because of my own curiosity and growing confidence in my ability. There was also a bit of optimism that I could convince Kenji to ally with us. Regardless of what Garret was convinced, I had a feeling this Toji guy had sent Ichiro and Kenji here for a reason.

And just as I did with a lot of Alice's visions, I trusted it.

Kenji and I walked side by side, him roughly ten feet to my left, all the way through the field.

"So…" I began awkwardly.

"Not yet. We will need to go at least three miles." He must have seen my incredulous look and turned to give me a bright kind smile.

"I could carry you," he offered.

"Sorry. Thanks but… no thanks." I didn't want to admit to him that I had no control what-so-ever on turning vampires into an inactive state.

After about ten minutes I started to feel tired. My head was still hurting slightly, although the headache medicine was starting to kick in. It was much hotter in Wisconsin than it had been back in Forks and I felt all kinds of gross as we walked into the wooded area. Kenji had to walk in front of me so I could see the path we were to take.

"How old are you Evangeline?" He asked suddenly, turning his head slightly to look at me. A stray ray of sunlight not deflected by the leaves caught him on the cheek, sending the prismatic lights everywhere for a second.

"I'm 20," I said. I hadn't really paid attention to his clothes back in the house but now; out here I was being forced to look at them, as he walked in front of me.

Kenji was wearing a very expensive looking navy blue suit. He had on a simple white shirt tailored to fit him perfectly. His slacks were flawlessly fitting and it was the way he swung his arms that made me aware of the watch he was wearing.

He wasn't a typical red eye that was for sure. For one he seemed perfectly normal walking in the woods. He even had shoes on. Maggie, Siobhan and Liam didn't even have that going for them. If I had been a regular human on the street and seen Kenji walking away from me, I would have no clue that he was a vampire. The Japanese skin color as a vampire was just like Zhan's had been, there was a slightly tan complexion with the minor white overlay. It made him look like he was just a little under the weather.

"How old are you?" I asked after I huffed a little when we moved around a fallen log.

"Nineteen-hundred and seventy-six." Was his reply.

I stopped dead in my tracks.

He noticed immediately, and turned to look at me with concern.

"Is something the matter?"

"No." I said quickly to try and hide my amazement.

Of course I had met older vampires, but Aro hardly counted as I didn't want to spend any amount of time near him. Kenji insofar I was neutral to. So I kept moving. But I hung my head slightly thinking about living nearly two thousand years. How much change has he seen in his lifetime?

There was a moment in our trek through the woods when I was watching his shoulders as they rippled under his jacket. It was like he was mocking me wearing it, as I was sweating even just wearing the simple summer dress Alice put me in. It took me a moment to realize my gaze had shifted and I felt a swell of embarrassment when I found myself staring at his ass.

I refused to look at him directly again until he was facing me, because this was not the time to be ogling vampire men.

We stopped at a much more dense part of the forest perhaps an area he had scouted while I had eaten my breakfast as it had two nice sized boulders sitting in the shade roughly five feet apart. He gestured to one boulder and I took a seat on it.

When Kenji sat and took one long look around the forest I had a fleeting thought that being alone with him had been a very bad idea.

"What is it you couldn't tell me in front of my family?" I got straight to the point.

"What I wish to discuss with you is up to you to share with them. I need to ask about the camp."

"Why?"

"Shizuka is usually the tool of which we use to gain information on Wei. Sending her too close to Zhan could have disastrous results." That bit didn't need to be explained. Zhan with her ability would be able to control Shizuka, I could only imagine what kind of damage an invisible vampire could do.

"So that means my information on the inner workings of the camp is severely limited."

I pondered over that.

"Why do you need to know about the camp to defeat Zhan? Can't you just… I mean…" I started to mumble and looked away from him to the trees around us. I would have been happy for any distraction at the moment, even a bird song or a buzzing mosquito but as I was near a vampire there was not a sound but that my breathing and my thrumming heart.

"I know of her mate, Wei's whereabouts, I know of his weaknesses. I do not know of Zhan and her weakness. Thus I come to the only source of which that may give me any insight." Casually he folded his arms in front of himself after waving his hand in my direction.

"There are others that you could ask… I am sure."

He studied me for a moment and I bunched up my skirt a little with nervous anticipation. When Kenji mentioned my surviving it brought with stunning clarity the horrible truth that Akharad and Dr. Cost were dead. _All_ of those people were dead. And yet here I was sitting in a summer dress. It made my vows of revenge that much more meaningful to me.

"It is a heavy burden to bear. Surviving such a horrific experience," he said openly. It stunned me that he would say something like that.

"It's…not easy." I acquiesced.

"If you can tell me the average number of newborns she keeps with her that would be a great step in helping rid the world of her."

Involuntarily I shuddered remembering the feeding while all of the humans stood in a line, my first meeting of Zhan. I buried my face in my hands just almost retching from the memory of the stench and gore. The bumps from my branded palms pressed in to my cheeks.

"There were five I-I think that she kept with her at all times. She only ever left a few at camp that I could see. But it's the werewolves you need to be concerned about." Sadly I couldn't look up at him yet, I had to calm myself.

"And how many werewolves does she keep?"

The image of the miserable blue collared group came to mind, and sorrow for their lives threatened to pull tears from my eyes.

"Dozens," I murmured and took a long calming breath in.

A bit of hatred for this vampire worked its way in to my mind, and where it came from was hard for me to figure out. It was because he was making me re-live these things. Granted it was supposedly going to help him fight her, but _I_ wanted my revenge. And I wanted to put those hellish images behind me during my waking hours, as I relived them anyway in my dreams.

I heard him shifting on his rock and he had leaned forward a bit to rest one elbow on his knee, the other was massaging his temple as he closed his eyes in thought.

"I am sorry if this is difficult for you. How long were you at the camp?" His tone was regretful.

Bitterly I looked at my lap and my hands now folded together, "Twenty three days."

"If it gives you peace to know, the Allied covens will do all we can to put a stop to her."

My face contorted angrily as I thought of anyone else destroying her. I would be happy when it was done. The threat to my family and myself would be gone. But if I didn't see it happen I would never get over this irrational fear she would come back for me.

"I wish…" I trailed off finding his gaze again. I hadn't been looking directly at him since he'd started questioning me and I found a calm open demeanor on his face, waiting for me to continue.

"I-I want her to suffer." Kenji's eyes narrowed slightly and I saw a frown forming.

"You do not strike me as the vengeful type of person."

"You don't know me at all." I quickly shot back. "She just didn't cause _me_ to suffer, that I could cope with and move on from." Maybe… "But she _killed_ **children**, she _tortured_ old men, she made me... she made me..." I stopped abruptly; my anger had been flowing from my mouth before I knew how to stop it. Once I realized how much I'd told this stranger I felt like a complete idiot.

He didn't say anything and as I watched his face, I willed this him to say something.

"Why have they not changed you yet? If it is a simple matter of wanting revenge I am sure you and your powerful family could do quite a bit of damage, if not wholly destroy Zhan and Wei." Kenji was not being condescending or rude, but simply curious. Even if I wanted to pretend he was being rude his tone and open demeanor wouldn't keep me short.

"The Volturi forbade it."

"The Volturi? It seems odd that they would allow you to remain human. Their law is absolute. Aro must be getting soft."

A small bitter pout formed on my lips, "Philippe instructed them I wouldn't be… ready for two more years."

This statement garnered a lot of interest from Kenji. He asked about Philippe and his ability. He had me talking about my quasi savior and the Volturi basically corralling my family into the leaders will. In the back of my mind, in my gut I knew that one of the many reasons I threw tantrums and broke things was I was upset with how we as a family were going to be forced to work for the Volturi. To me it was inevitable. From Carlisle's stories and Ren's memories I knew how Aro was in this for the long haul. If he had wanted those with gifts in my family he would wait for the opportunity to force them. And here I come along a human and in complete and full knowledge of their world. I gave Aro the excuse he needed to force my siblings to work for the guard. No one would ever blame me, but it didn't take the guilt away and it didn't make the truth of it go away.

After I told Kenji all of the rules for my change and the fact my family was going to be forced in the guard I took a long breath.

"It is within his rights to destroy your family. Would you rather that then have them work for the Volturi?" He questioned patiently.

I scoffed and adjusted myself on the boulder, finding a cooler patch and sliding towards it.

"It depends. If he forces my family to feed the traditional way I would rather wish their deaths." And it grieved me to admit, but I think at least my father would have agreed with that statement.

"Perhaps we should be getting you back to them. I appreciate your information on Zhan and her camps." It was clear he'd gotten all the information he'd wanted and I felt cheated.

"So you-you are going to just fight Zhan all on your own? We could help-"I was cut short by a troubled look he gave me as he stood. He had the same graceful elegant movement all vampires did but it was more domineering than simply him moving fast.

"What you do not seem to understand is an alliance between your family and the covens in Japan, is that it is impossible."

"Because you don't like foreigners?" I asked quickly, wondering if it really was just down to race that he wouldn't accept outside help.

"It is because of an agreement nearly fifteen hundred years ago that I made with the Volturi."

My mouth popped open and I blinked rapidly as if the light in the sky had gotten brighter.

"To explain it simply; The Japanese Empire is completely autonomous from the rest of the world in terms of the influence the Volturi have over it. At the time my sensei and I were more powerful than Aro and his pitiful gang he called a guard. Aro and Caius were thirsty for power and bloodlust throughout the world, and their priority was on the Romanians. So we made an agreement that the Japanese Covens would maintain their sovereignty as long as we did not meddle with their enforcement of their laws on the other continents. We did agree, however, to maintain the secret on our own as it was more beneficial for the life my sensei wanted to live."

Words were not quick enough coming out of me to relate how mind blowing this information was to me. Kenji was the ruler of his own land? Not bound by the law of the Volturi, just the common rule of not revealing themselves to humans? Maybe Garrett's opinion of the Japanese would change if he knew this. Was it not common knowledge?

"If there is need for outside help to destroy Zhan and Wei, I would be expected to formally ask Aro for aid from either his guard or other covens."

"You can just ask my father, Carlisle… he'd agree we can help. We would want to help." I urged.

"If the King of France were to ask citizens of Spain to fight the British, how do you suppose the Spanish king might view the request?"

"You're the King of France in this analogy?" I asked, unsure if I was getting his comparison right.

His face relaxed slightly from its serious tensed state. His eyes seemed to smile at me.

"Yes. Does it make it clearer to you?"

Not terribly sure I did actually understand I nodded anyway, trying to keep the look of confusion and frustration off my face.

"But asking the Spanish citizens questions about the British-"I stopped mid question to realize he'd made the British the bad guys, thus making them Zhan. Not that Kenji would have known my heritage but it instantly pissed me off. Kenji must have realized what my question would have been and breezily ignored the look of offence I was giving him.

"Yes. Information is perfectly acceptable to share."

So what… did this mean I was just going to toddle back to my vampire family and not let them touch me for two years, while Kenji and his ilk went off to battle Zhan? It didn't put my family in less danger for the most part, because who knew when we'd be attacked by more werewolves. Or even newborns this time.

There was no way I could wait two years like that.

"You'll destroy her soon?"

Kenji knelt in front of me. Holding my gaze and I could see the brightness of my blue eyes reflected in his muddy reddish brown eyes.

"Soon," he said solemnly.

Cool smoothness touched the insides of my hands right where my branding scars were. It was a familiar feeling and I looked down to make sure.

Kenji was holding my hands in a comforting gesture as they lay in my lap. The fact he was so close to me hadn't even made it in to my conscious thoughts. But now that I saw it, and I felt his marble flesh pressing gently against mine my mind spiraled off many different directions.

A vampire was touching me and still moving.

There was not even a little bit of burning in my eyes and no flashing lights.

He must have seen the branding on my hands and known what it meant.

Not even Garrett had as of yet the confidence to touch me, my ability aside.

Touching someone else was rare with vampires, even my family only hugged on occasion. It was usually mum or dad that instigated it.

But here he was, Kenji, a complete stranger, touching me in such a familiar way.

He must have realized how awkward and uncomfortable I was feeling and carefully withdrew his hands.

Alice had seen this.

_How_ could I have forgotten it? She said he'd touch me. Maybe I had assumed it meant I'd freeze him like Shizuka. It was such a small thing, then why did it feel so… monumental?

"Let us head back. You need water." I didn't like how he assumed to know what I needed. When I stood up to follow him, still with all the information he'd given me and the fact he'd touched me and not frozen were parading through my head.

.~.

Ichiro had made friends, or so it seemed. He was playing a game of chess with Alice, and she looked thrilled. When Kenji and I first walked in and I took in the sight it was rather odd, until Emmett explained it to me.

"She can still see events around Ichiro. But with his ability she can't see what moves he's going to make. This is the best day of my life." He sighed happily before my eyes cut to Rosalie who was standing with the Denali women looking like she wanted to throw something at him.

"I can freeze him if you want Rose." I wiggled my hand a little. The dimple on Emmett's cheeks vanished and he laughed.

"If you were wearing more clothes that I could grab you by you'd be tickled till you peed yourself." He joked tugging on a piece of my hair before jaunting over to apologize to Rose. For a moment the fact that we were hosting strange and powerful vampires seemed to have evaporated.

My attention went back to the game, which everyone seemed to be interested in. Kenji had taken the seat on the couch next to Ichiro while Alice sat on a folding chair next to the small coffee table that had come from Jaspers study, her brows smashed together in frenzied thought.

The outright tense atmosphere of the morning had diffused into a vampire mixer type feel. The surreality of the situation boggled my mind as off near the dining room, behind Ichiro was the still frozen form of one of his coven. I wiped a hand down my face trying to shake the oddity of the moment from my mind.

"What are the odds?" I asked leaning over the couch between where Alice and Ichiro were staring at the board.

"It's 2-1 on Ichiro." Edward told me.

Alice made a puppy like grumbling sound as she moved a rook.

"She's not used to playing without her advantage?" Kenji looked up to Edward and Jasper on Alice's side.

"She can't help herself sometimes." Edward generously explained.

"She just can't stand losing." Jasper added. Alice's face turned pouty then he kissed the top of her black head.

"This could take a while, I don't see us doing anything else till just before sunset," Alice said while Ichiro moved his knight.

"Well, I'll be in my room trying to cool down." I nodded to the group and passed Garrett, Carmen and Eleazar on my way to the stairs.

"And my money is on Alice." I added giving her a genuine smile before ascending the stairs.

.~.

I had put on a cardigan over my dress, per Alice's instructions, so that when I reactivated Shizuka it would be easier for them to move me out of the way. The smell of juicy peaches and slight burn in my eyes let me know how close Jasper was to me.

Kenji had a hold on one of the invisible arms that Alice hadn't painted at all. Ichiro actually had her in a head lock, while Emmett had her other arm. Edward and Jasper were flanking me as I touched the very tip of the hand that had been gripping my head.

I didn't black out between tries, which was good, although I did feel the surging of another head ache coming. On the third try I knew I had it.

_On._

My eyes were open the instant I knew I had done it and in that instant when Ichiro's ability nullified Shizuka's I caught the most lethal look from a vampire I had ever seen. Her face instantly contorted with a burning hate and rage that I didn't really have time to comprehend because tumult broke out in our living room.

As soon as she was visible again Edward hoisted me over his shoulder. I saw the house blurring away as we went across the field, Jasper instantly next to us when we stopped. I could hear screaming and menacing growls, the sharp breaking of glass and then a female shrieking in absolute malice.

My lips were firmly pressed together as Edward set me down and I turned to look back at my home. They had struggled to get Shizuka out of the house before much more than the front door could be damaged. I could see a small figure, from the distance I was away, flailing wildly between Kenji and Ichiro. As Ichiro's was facing me I could see he was concentrating hard on her. And her long black hair was flying about wildly as she attempted to escape their hold on her.

She stopped flailing madly to look up in my direction and let out a primal howl of anger.

It felt like my heart had stopped in my chest watching her behaving so wildly, and it was obvious because it was of me.

_Was she a newborn?_ I thought.

"No…" Edward said slowly. And I tried to look at my brother and take my eyes off of the group surrounding the uncontrollable Shizuka.

"You are her singer." Jasper said, not bothering to hide his horror.

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V

V

V


	16. Remembered

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

AN: Go to the poll on my profile page and let me know what kind of outtake story you want to read! Also there is a line in my story I paraphrased from a Doctor Who episode "Vincent and the Doctor."

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**Panthalassa : High Tide**

**Chapter 16 - Remembered**

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At the same moment Jasper declared that I was Shizuka's singer I saw Kenji raise his hand and move it downward harshly. The slap echoed across the surrounding area like a clap of thunder. It must have had the desired effect as Shizuka hung limply from Ichiro and Emmett's arms, hanging her head and letting massive amounts of hair fall in front of her face.

I squinted to see Esme, Rose and Tanya coming over to where we were. Kate, Garrett, Emmett, and Ichiro dragged Shizuka away in the opposite direction.

"And I remember you saying something about _Bella_ being a danger magnet." Tanya's eyebrows were nearing her hairline as she looked us over. Jasper moved to massage his temple with his left hand.

The reality of what just occurred was just beginning to bloom in my mind and I stumbled slightly as my knees felt weak. Esme gently caught me under my arms and helped me sit on the ground.

I was Shizuka's _singer_.

My blood was _calling_ to her, urging her to drink me dry. Her reaction to me was _terrifying_. Almost more terrifying than anything I'd ever seen. It was such a primal fear that registered in me when I thought to her manic reaction to me. Zhan was sick with her perversion of loving to hurt others. I was not really all that special to Zhan, just another toy. But _Shizuka_- to her I was the most succulent human to roam the earth.

Edward and I had talked about Bella being his singer and how hard it had been. But he'd managed to control himself. Hell he'd managed to sit next to her in a science class when he first met her. Given what I'd just witnessed Shizuka had no control over her need for my blood.

It had taken four of them to hold her back and take her away. If not for my ability-

"My head hurts," I mumbled.

I pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my arms on them, burying my head in them. The heat of the summer day was going to cause me to sweat, but at the moment I felt nothing but an icy chill in my veins.

"She is fine. Not even a bruise," Edward said to someone.

_Why don't they just ask me if I am okay?_ I shot bitterly to Edward.

"Evangeline, please look at me," I heard dad say and I tried to come to terms with the new terrifying fact that a vampire with the ability to turn COMPLETELY invisible was my-my…

"What's the word I should use for Shizuka? If I am her singer, what does that make me?" I asked, acquiescing dad's request and looking up at those surrounding me.

"Screwed." Tanya said with a small smile on her face.

The silence that followed I was sure everyone was staring daggers at her, but she held my gaze. It bubbled up from nowhere, my laugh.

Laughter blew up from inside me, it was loud and bordering on hysterical. Tanya's frank response was an exact mirror to what I was thinking. I couldn't stop laughing and Tanya chuckled a bit. Jasper started soon after, and before long the whole group aside from mum and dad were chuckling.

Turning to look at my mum I saw her delicately frowning at me.

"Common mum… it is rather-" I hesitated, looking for the right word.

"Accurate?" Carmen added.

"Funny?" Bella offered.

"Unfortunate," Kenji said, and my eyes jerked to him, not fully realizing he hadn't gone off when they'd taken Shizuka away.

"We will take her back to Japan. I suggest you leave the area, she might try to escape and return here to… kill you."

"Is Ichiro going to be able to maintain his control, for you to get back to Japan without her escaping?" Carlisle asked.

"Not for the full distance, but I will be able to control her once we are far enough away. If the situation calls for it and I notice her absence I will immediately inform you of course," Kenji answered and nodded to Edward and Carlisle.

She _would_ hunt me around the world if she had to.

Tanya offered her services to help get Shizuka back to Japan, while Carmen and Eleazar agreed. Kenji considered them a moment before agreeing to their aid.

"I appreciate your hospitality, and in light of all the atrocious things that have occurred I do hope that it does not sour our relationship Carlisle," Kenji offered his hand to my father while I still sat there on the ground watching all the pretty lights reflecting off of all of their skins.

After they shook hands Kenji turned fully to me.

"The path of vengeance is not one you can walk lightly." He said directly to me, as if my family wasn't standing very obviously in hearing range. "What is important is the way that we are violent, not the reason for it."

I clenched my jaw in surprise. Even though I barely knew him I knew he was referring to the fact I had told him how I wanted Zhan to suffer. Though why he thought to say that here, in front of everyone... Before I could respond he turned to bow to the rest of my family before blurring away.

We stood there in the field as his figure disappeared into the forest where Shizuka had been dragged away. No one said anything for a few heartbeats about what Kenji had said to me.

If anything his words spurred me into thinking I was right to want to finish Zhan off to avenge Akharad and all those other innocents. I wasn't treading this path, as he said, lightly. I was taking it seriously. The fact I was a very dangerous vampire's singer wouldn't scare me away from wanting to kill Zhan. I was afraid of both of the Asian females, but I didn't hold the fact Shizuka wanted my blood against her.

"That was… interesting," Jasper finally broke the silence. Alice snorted and hugged Tanya and the other cousins as they were going to join up with the Japanese group.

.~.

Hours later, after which I had managed to slip into a numb fog again I found myself at Seth's old house just staring at the empty living room. Bella was sitting at the couch with Edward. I smiled to myself watching the teenagers sitting together looking so in love. If Zhan ever got her hands on them, I wouldn't-I couldn't _fathom_ it.

Edward turned to look at me while he kissed the back of Bella's knuckles as they faced each other.

"I miss this place," I say suddenly. Swiveling my head to look around the house I could almost see Seth lumbering down the stairs, late for a shift at the garage where he worked part time. I could feel the ghost of my old self dancing around here on my first 'unsupervised' night.

To Edward's credit he didn't say anything about my thoughts.

"We'll be going to the Denali's house tomorrow Eva, Huilen will meet us there," Bella said.

My shoulder jerked as if to shrug, but it was rough.

"I-don't. I want… to stay here-" I started.

"You know why that isn't a good idea," Alice said suddenly from the front door.

"I want to stay here," I said more firmly, looking to my brother.

_You understand, don't you?_ I asked him. A pained smile crossed his face, and he looked to Alice.

"We will be fine here for now."

Bella looked back to me, "If you don't want to go… would you like to go in to town? Maybe go to Chicago and see Branson and Greg tomorrow?" I was glad Bella was on my side.

"Well," Alice began, "I guess that explains why I see myself buying a day pass at the spa."

"For me?" I passively asked.

"It certainly wouldn't be for _me_. And I think that you need a nice deep tissue massage, that none of us can _apparently_ give you." She explained obligingly.

"I don't need to go to a spa," shaking my head I shifted my feet.

"It's not just for your comfort Evangeline. Alice still feels incredibly guilty for nearly killing you and causing you pain," Edward explained, and I watched as Alice went from being upset he was speaking her thoughts aloud to resigned.

I weighed my options. It was likely I could have a fit at the spa, but the people there were strangers to me, likely to never see me again. So if I did throw a tantrum or go numb, I decided I wouldn't care.

"Yes!" Alice beamed, "Tomorrow spa day, I'll make an appointment with Josey for the 17th. We can fabricate files that have your disease detailed. And then we can give Branson and Greg the disc of songs you recorded on your last break from tour. And-"

"We can start with the spa," Bella interrupted.

.~.

The rest of the week ended up being drastically different from the whole time I had been in Forks. I hadn't had a single tantrum, and I had taken to hiding in my closet like I had when I had been 17. It was still comforting having the walls of the closet holding me close. The house itself seemed like it was healing me simply by me being near it.

I managed to ignore all of the negative memories from the time I had stormed out after the fight after burying Adam. I focused on the happy times of my birthday, the guitar lessons with Jasper, the singing practices with Edward, the study sessions with Bella. I hadn't realized while in Forks, like I was coming to understand now, was that three weeks with Zhan could not undo all of the great things in my life.

Every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don't always diminish the

bad things. The same is true in reverse. The bad things don't necessarily ruin the good things, and make

them unimportant.

Zhan had burned her mark in to my skin, caused me to kill someone and wounded me so horribly. But she couldn't _taint_ the past. She couldn't _touch_ the memories of the good things I'd experienced. I had Kevin's smile etched into my mind. I could remember the soft texture of my mum's hair that I would play with as she played the piano. I could still feel happiness remembering Ren's joyful smile after the Halloween dance. The bad things that happened to me were so vivid and horrible, but if I took the time I could remember some sublimely beautiful times in my life as well.

.~.

By the time I met with Josey I was feeling more mentally steady, if not weak. Branson and Greg treated me like a fragile doll, and took my being back as a sign that I wanted to work again. I let them believe that, because really, what was the harm in letting them think I was really anxious to be booking concerts? My eye mask was not exactly a welcome item of clothing to wear, but Alice had said that it was the price I had to pay for remaining in the Reedsburg home.

It had only been a couple days since Kenji had confirmed their arrival in Japan, and shortly after Kate called to tell us they were on their way back to us. When the family came to understand how much good the house was doing for me they put up very little resistance in staying. Although they did like to mention the fact that it would be safer to not be in a place Shizuka knew me to be.

I had just finished recording at the studio with Branson, he had wanted me to redo one of the songs I had submitted on CD. All the other songs seemed to work but the sound quality on the last one was lacking. Edward had been encouraging me in the days since the Japanse covens's visit and it wasn't as hard to start up singing as I had originally thought it might be.

.~.

Jasper was pushing the cart in the grocery store while I listlessly followed behind him, half in a numb daze. I had almost been sent into a fit when we passed an aisle with a Chinese woman disciplining her child but Jasper quickly reigned in the feelings of anger, helplessness, sadness and self loathing. We were shuffling along the cereal aisle when I bumped into the concrete wall that was Jaspers back.

"Fruity Pebbles..." he murmured, and then turned to offer it to me. I shook my head.

"Fine you're getting Wheat Bran if you can't pick one." He sighed and put back the sugary cereal.

Of the types of shopping, I was sure he liked shopping for human food much better than for purses and belts. And because of my lack of enthusiasm I was likely going to be eating very interesting things over the next week. Looking in the cart you would assume it was food for a truth or dare contest. He had put anchovies, sauerkraut, pluots, star fruit, goat cheese and olive loaf.

I hadn't realized what he'd been putting in the cart till he'd put the Wheat Bran in.

"Jasper!" I raised my voice a little, shock clearly in my tone.

"Noticed did you?" He asked with a smug smile.

"I'm not eating any of this." I pointed to the things in the cart and grabbed the olive loaf and a can of tamales he'd managed to sneak in. I wiggled them a little as if to show that this type of food was unacceptable before setting them back in.

"We can start over if you are ready to pay attention now."

Pouting and glaring sullenly at my brother he grinned widely before moving off to return the items from the cart to the shelves. I turned my attention back to the shelves of brightly colored cereal and decided to find one I might tolerate.

"Evangeline?" A familiar voice called from my right. I turned and when I recognized the man it belonged to, my response came out a whisper.

"Dr. Reynolds?"

He was standing at the entrance to the aisle and held the hand of a young boy who, upon entering the aisle made a bee line for the fruit snacks. He had lost some more of his grey hair in the-could it really have been _three_ years ago? He still had the little beer belly and had developed age spots. But his smile was so warm and open I couldn't help but smile back. And before I knew what I was doing I'd closed the four steps between us and hugged him.

Dr. Reynolds thunderous lively laugh hit my ear in a friendly welcome manner.

"Grandpa I want this one," a little voice said while Dr. Reynolds and I finished our hug.

The little boy was no older than five. He had light brown hair and grey-green eyes. Even if I never really liked children and had little to no patience with them I did find this boy adorable.

"You already picked out two snacks Hugh. But maybe Grandpa likes Dinosaur shaped fruit jellies. Can you find one your sister will like?" Dr. Reynolds was a natural with kids. Hugh gave me a look, as if wondering why I was standing there mute before scampering off to squat by the fruit snacks yet again.

"Can't believe you're here," I said suddenly when he turned back to look at me.

"I can't believe how long your hair is." He gave me a goofy smile. "I hardly recognized you."

I was certain there was a lot more different about my appearance than my hair. And I couldn't stop staring at him like he'd sprung up from the ground. I rarely thought about the man that'd helped me in a very dark time in my life. Guilt suddenly seeped into me, realizing I had never even bothered to stay in contact with him. I wished I had, but knew I never would even now. Getting close to a human wasn't going to make my eventual change into immortality any easier. But for the moment I could just dwell inside the feelings of love, comfort and support reemerging in me while standing in front of my old doctor.

"It's been entirely too long," I could see his eyes roaming over me, taking in every scar. I casually put my hands in the pockets of my skirt.

"I didn't know your grandson was so big," I counter casting a glance at the little boy who was watching us from his spot. Hugh quickly saw us looking at him and turned back to focus intently on the boxes before him.

"He wasn't all that big three years ago. How are the Whitlocks?"

I almost asked "Whitlock?" but held my tongue at the last moment. Speaking of Whitlock I bet Jasper was waiting an aisle or two away.

"They're good. Carlisle and Esme moved west when we all went off to college."

Dr. Reynolds stroked his dimpled chin and nodded thoughtfully.

"So that would make you a Junior?"

"Oh, umm…" I shifted my feet realizing I had accidentally included myself in that.

It was so easy to lie to him, or I knew it would be at least, but for some reason I didn't want to. It felt like lying to your favorite uncle.

Tilting his head he gave me a look, "I-I'm not in school. When I said 'we' all I meant the others… School isn't really for me. I just left to follow my sister to-" _Think of a good college far away Evangeline, for gods sakes lie!_ "Berkley." I sounded idiotic.

"Well California certainly is much more glamorous than Madison." I laughed, starting to realize how much I didn't like lying to Dr. Reynolds.

"It is." I say shortly trying to smile but know even as it forms that it will look more like a grimace.

How much had I _really_ changed since he'd seen me last? Aside from the physical things.

"Evangeline?" asking now, his voice was concerned.

"Yes Dr. Reynolds?"

"I just-It isn't really any of my business, but I have often wondered if you were okay. I never got a chance to ask Dr. Whitlock about you, and I had thought I would never see you again. Are you okay? I mean..."

"I'm doing just fine. Just-you know-" I shrugged.

Oh God I could feel the tears pooling in my eyes at his caring demeanor. He had hunched over his cart, bushy eyebrows coming together slightly to convey his concern.

What else was I to tell him?

I was viewing him and my human life now through a window, I could never reach through to the other side. I was firmly in the supernatural world and yet, I desired so wholly and joylessly to reach out to my old friend and cry. To tell him how scared I was of everything, tell him how much meeting him here like this was likely the last time I would see him. There was comfort in seeing someone who knew so little about the last three years in my life and yet still knew me. My relationship with Dr. Reynolds may have been short but in its brevity it had become significant in the amount of support he'd shown me.

"Yeah I know. I never had any doubts about you. I could see it in your eyes, you have a hopeful spirit."

I laughed lightly at his turn of phrase, "Hopeful spirit? Isn't it supposed to be a fighting spirit?"

"Fighting? No. No." He shook his head and his little jowls jiggled with the motion. "Fighting isn't necessary to survive. Hope is what truly is at the root of fighters anyway. They hope they win, and they hope they don't die. And then they make it happen," he finished with an enthusiastic nod of his head.

My smile was warm this time.

"Hope?" I ask, my smile getting bigger.

"Well it certainly is at least one important quality to have when you are struggling through a rough time."

"I thought you were a Neurologist."

"I've been known to dabble in Psychology. Their break room has better snacks."

My smile was genuine and I laughed along with him. Hugh decided he'd waited long enough and tossed a pink box in the cart Dr. Reynolds was leaning on.

When he started to pull the cart away, I didn't even hesitate before I fell into step next to him, Hugh skipping ahead and turning the corner before us.

"I'm glad I ran into you." I say humbly.

"Me too. Have you been keeping up with practicing that guitar?"

"Not recently, but I am pretty decent still."

"I just bought my first one last month. My wife says I am going through a mid life-whatit's, and I can't seem to get a handle on the thing." He was irritated at his new hobby.

"Most men just buy fancy cars or hit on younger women." I supply.

"Really?" He turned to look at me coming to a stop by the boxed cakes and frosting. He sounded genuinely surprised. And I grinned, chuckling lightly at him.

"Well in that case. How young does the woman have to be? And what qualifies as an expensive car?"

We banter lightly about age, the rule of seven that Emmett taught me really intrigues him. Edward and Rosalie would shriek in horror if they heard him say that a Chevy ought to qualify as a luxury vehicle.

"It's got seat warmers and everything!" He exclaimed just before shaking his head in disapproval for a new thing Hugh had found that he'd wanted.

I saw Jasper at the end of the current aisle and knew it was a signal, or opportunity to stop talking with Dr. Reynolds. But I didn't _want_ to stop.

It had to end at some point. I couldn't go home with him. It hurt that I would have to say goodbye to Dr. Reynolds. He was going to ask for a way to keep in contact with me now, what was I going to do? Ignore his emails and messages? It was too cruel a thing to do to someone I respected, someone I cared about.

"Oh, that's my brother," I gesture to Jasper, his back still turned to us examining the package of chicken breasts.

"Ah well, I suppose I'd better let you two get back to shopping then," Dr. Reynolds sounded reluctant.

"Yeah, I suppose. Or else he'll end up only buying meat. Boys… hardly know the importance of eating their vegetables."

"I'll leave you to it then. Here's my card Evangeline if you feel like keeping in touch," I had no idea how he'd managed to sneak the little business card out of his wallet without me seeing, and as he passed it to me I felt like a complete bitch. The way he phrased it left our future contact up to me. If I didn't email him what would he think of that? And why was I so concerned with what he thought of me?

Accepting the card I leaned in again for a hug.

Suddenly I didn't want to let go and I know I held on for longer that politeness dictated.

I wanted him to be able to hear about me, in whatever remote way, even if I would never contact him.

"Hey… I just wanted to let you know. I have a very _personal_ connection to that new singer… ." I whispered into his ear. And when I pulled back I winked. His dark brown eyes widened and a dopey grin emerged. He rose his eyebrows in question, and I simply smiled at him, my grin widening.

"Take care then Evangeline."

"You too Dr. Reynolds." I gave him one more look and waved as I started to walk to Jasper.

"You can call me Malcolm, Evangeline."

"Alright then Dr. Reynolds." I shot back.

As soon as he and little Hugh were down the next aisle and out of site, I felt the warm tears pool and slowly fall from my eyes. I wiped them away slowly.

Jasper put an arm around me while we stared down at the frozen chicken pieces my thin cardigan providing a layer of protection for him. The slight burn in my eyes seemed to cause the tears to slow to a standstill.

"He cares deeply about you. And the Volturi won't like that little stunt."

"I don't give a rat's hairy taint what the Volturi think," I shot back wiping the last of the moisture off my cheeks.

"Even if it means his death if he connects you to in the future?"

Opening my mouth to retort, horror suddenly taking hold as I understand what I've just done.

"No," Jasper says firmly and gives me a powerful dose of love and serenity. "Words cannot be taken back. And I know you understand now what you did. But maybe you could tell me why?"

"Not here," I say quietly.

After we check out and put the groceries in the car I stand there watching the front of the store and the last traces of light in the sky. I crumple the card with Dr. Reynolds contact information where it sits inside my pocket.

We don't immediately start talking about it, as Emmett and Bella are sitting in the car with us. I am sure they heard everything. Having no less than three of them with me at all times outside of the house hasn't been as chaffing as one might think. Until this moment.

The road blurs beneath us and I think about it. I think about Dr. Reynolds, and about our conversation.

My heart starts hurting inside my chest. Loneliness I didn't know I was really feeling breaks out of me and Jasper closes his eyes from his seat.

So I tell them how I don't mind becoming a vampire, in fact I want it so I am not completely vulnerable. The pain of the change scares me, but I can brave that. The no eating or sleeping bothers me but I can sacrifice it for them, for my family and an eternity with them. They all listen quietly. Then I tell them how I wished there was someone that would remember me, when I was gone.

But I don't tell them that the simplicity of talking with Dr. Reynolds and joking as if none of those thoughts were in my head made me desperately wish the world was a sane and normal place. A place where Carlisle would have grown old being the preacher in his father's place. Where Jasper would have either died in the Civil War a Confederate traitor or lived as a burdened soldier on the side that lost. Esme… she would have died- no- maybe it was better there were vampires in the world.

My soul felt conflicted and heavy.

We barely talked about the mistake I made with Dr. Reynolds. There was no need for them to tell me it was stupid of me to elude to the fact I was , I knew it, they knew it, enough said.

I threw my first fit since being back in Reedsburg once we got to Seth's.

My emotions were swinging as wildly as they ever had while I was in Seth's garage. Emmett stood off behind me watching as I chucked a large brick as hard as I could into set of tools on the wall. I screamed and cried, and I knew all of the family was witness to this tantrum. I hated myself for enjoying destroying the garage, I _hated_ that I was doing it at all, and what I hated most of all was that I felt powerless to stop myself.

Panting shallowly as I kicked a fallen hub cap clean across the room I sunk to my knees and fell onto my butt. I had swiped away the few angry tears and the sweat that had built up.

"Eva," Bella called to me, I didn't acknowledge her.

A phone was placed to my ear and I took the phone from Bella when I heard the voice.

"_Feeling any better_?" Seth asked inquisitively.

I answered honestly, "No."

There was a pause on the line, "_I miss you,"_ he said finally.

I nodded burying my face in my hands, holding the phone to my ear by pressing it between my head and shoulder. "Yeah," I hoarsely grumbled out. "I miss you too."

"_Did you want to talk about it_?"

A sob caught in my throat. "No... Seth it's… just tell me about your day, tell me what's going on in La Push."

I listened to him and let myself just enjoying hearing his voice, and even if my responses were minimal I was pretty certain he was happy to talk to me.

.~.

By the 1st of August I was feeling a little better. The whole situation with Dr. Reynolds had devastated me for some unknown reason. If I could have talked to a psychologist this was the point in time I would have gone. Instead I had to endure Edward analyzing me. He didn't suck at it exactly, but I just didn't like telling someone so intimately involved with my life _about_ all of it. An outsider's perspective would have been nice. But none of the Denali's really could do much for me, Kate and Carmen had tried.

I had taken to filling the journal Dr. Reynolds had left me with memories of my mum, as Bella had suggested I start putting them down so when I was eventually changed I could read them and it would help solidify them in my vampire brain.

I was sitting in the field on a soft quilted blanket wearing a soft loose cotton dress and laying on my back with Emmett next to me. We were watching the clouds. They were puffy clouds swiftly moving along the ocean of blue, it was a windy day up where they were, and I was enjoying the simplicity of the moment. My focus kept slipping from guessing shapes to things like Zhan, Shizuka, or how I ought to be singing as I had pretty much assumed it would make me feel better.

As I thought this I became aware that Emmett was humming lightly. I sat up on my elbows and adjusted my sunglasses to look at him.

"What?" He asked, gold eyes wide.

"Nothing…" my mouth twitched into a passable smile. Licking my lips I closed my eyes and felt the cool breeze tickle my skin.

When I opened my mouth next it was to sing. Slowly and softly at first, just notes, and I didn't care or feel the need to change the pace.

I finished and lay back down and I could feel Emmett smiling from next to me. He had rolled over onto his side and was wearing a glowing smile with dimple I might add.

"In coming by the way," Emmett sat up suddenly, his face instantly serious. I followed his gaze to the tree line and saw a figure. Edward, Kate, Tanya, and Jasper appeared out of nowhere, Kate coming close enough to me that my lights gave a feeble flicker.

"I can't see… who is it?" I asked.

"Kenji and Ichiro." Tanya said, and I bit back a smile hearing the pleased tone in her voice. Something had happened between Tanya and Ichiro that much I knew. How deep it was I could only guess, I sincerely hoped they were mates.

I was instantly on guard. If Ichiro was here that meant Shizuka could be anywhere and not even Edward could hear her in her invisible state. My heart rate must have increased.

"It is good to see you again Evangeline," Kenji said coming closer, my shades were dual purpose out in the summer sun, and as the prisms bounced off of everyone I was thankful for their protection.

"If you are worrying about Shizuka she's been sent to spy on Wei, and then the Volturi. And just to make sure that she doesn't sneak off to finish you off we decided to come visit you." Ichiro said happily.

"I didn't expect to be visiting you here in Wisconsin again," Kenji added. I finally made eye contact with him and was instantly taken aback.

"You two have gold eyes now…" I was flabbergasted by the pair of them.

"When in Wisconsin," Ichiro joked.

..~..

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AN: Let me know who of the Japanese coven you want to see up on the photobucket account in your reviews. The one most requested will be put up with my next update next week.

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	17. Meditation

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

AN: Hello there! Well So far I have only one vote for the other characters you people want to see me upload to Photobucket. If no other reviews with requests come in I will be uploading Shizuka on Friday or Saturday. And the Poll on my profile also only has one vote, you lucky voter you. So if you have a preference on the outtake I write please vote in the poll.

One more thing, its just a funny coincidence. Chapter 8 - Bleed has exactly 6,666 words. o_o

**Panthalassa : High Tide  
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**Chapter 17 - Meditation  
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The fact that the Japanese men were back didn't really sit well with me.

Well, to be fair I actually found myself really liking Ichiro. Kenji was different though. I felt like I should be trying harder to be friendly to him since I knew he was only here to help watch out for Shizuka, by babysitting her singer. Also I think he was sort of chaperoning Ichiro, as I had been right in assuming that Tanya and Ichiro were mates. Not that we had seen them in the three days since Ichiro and Kenji had arrived.

There was a slight chance I could convince Kenji to ally with us; I just needed to figure out how to manage it. I'd rather willingly have my family work alongside Kenji than under Aro.

Edward reminded me one day during dinner at Jake and Ren's old cabin that they were capable of negotiating an alliance if it was possible. Basically he was trying to kindly tell me they too were trying to get something to work. Edward agreed with my preference of those to fight alongside.

"Despite what you think we really _are_ in this together. And we are all aware that you are most comfortable working as an independent entity, but we will be here for each other."

He was right of course, I hadn't frequently thought of the family as a team when it came to _my_ issues. And other than the talks I've had with various family members about things I worried about or problems I was having I rarely went to them. The last month being the exception to the entirety of our relationship

_Sorry, some habits are hard to break._ I thought to him.

"No need to be sorry. You have grown up with a strong need to be independent and we respect and love you for that. If it hasn't changed in three years since coming to live with us, I doubt it will."

I felt saddened by his statement. I wasn't entirely sure why. I liked being able to take care of myself and the fact they couldn't touch me to physically comfort me reminded me of the rough times I'd lived through while in the foster care system where no one hugged me or comforted me.

"Can I ask you something?" Edward relaxed into the sofa watching me as I sat in the recliner with the journal in my lap. I nodded, my hair in a low ponytail tickling the exposed skin on my arm.

"If there was a way to stop Zhan without changing you, would you being willing to take that option?"

That certainly wasn't the kind of question I was prepared for. So I ducked my head slightly and looked to the scars on my hands.

I was committed to being one of them. I was ready, because I knew this was where my life was heading shortly after they told me their secret. Without the foreknowledge of the dark vision Alice had seen I had been _fine_ with being changed and joining their family forever.

What girl, who hadn't really had anyone love her enough to want her around, wouldn't see what kind of commitment 'forever' was to a family? I had to think back to that time because, honestly, that was the period in my relationship with the Cullen's that I had no idea of impending doom. I had been depressed back then, more so than now, so the love I felt growing for the family trumped any worries I had by being changed.

My thoughts on being changed were contradictory, and I knew it. I took my own safety and my family's safety above my desire to remain human. Alive was alive. If Zhan could be stopped without me would I still want to be changed?

_That's a… difficult question._ I eventually settled on that answer, as he'd heard all my musings so he knew I wasn't sure.

Then I thought on it. If Zhan were destroyed and I was still human, then what? The Volturi would want me changed no matter what. Even if the Volturi weren't an issue how much older was I going to get before they changed me? Would they still be willing to change me _at all_ in that scenario? I had been so focused on the supernatural world over the last six weeks that I had completely left any thoughts of me staying human behind.

Except for the upset with Dr. Reynolds, seeing him had reminded me what I was giving up, and it wasn't an absolutely unwelcome thing. Knowing what I was losing or giving up reminded me what I was giving it up for. And I did feel a sense of privilege that I may be the first human, ever, to have this grace period before being changed. Everyone else I had ever heard of had been changed as a necessity or so abruptly and violently. To be allowed this time to get my shit together wasn't something, up until recently, did I realize was a gift.

From the corner of my eye I saw him move, Edward strolled to the window tilting his head slightly.

"There are some... interesting things going on back at the main house if you'd like to head over." He explained.

.~.

It took all of two seconds for me to understand what the interesting things Edward was talking about. Because the first person I saw was Emmett, and he looked funny.

"Like it?" He asked me and I shook my head in disbelief.

"No," I replied. For some reason a beard on Emmett looked completely wrong. Not that it was exactly a beard though, it was much too short. It simply looked like an afternoon shadow. Looking around the room I saw Kenji sitting at the couch with Jasper in front of him, Ichiro was on the other side of the room running his hand down Tanya's arm. He smiled at me as I approached the area where most were gathered.

"He can't do too much," Rosalie explained from my left as I looked closer at what Kenji was doing to my brother.

"I'm not hurting him," Kenji said. My face turned into a pout, and I hadn't realized I had been scowling before that.

Kenji was forcing the hair on my brother's faces_ to grow_. It was… **really** strange.

I was about to ask why it was taking so long when Kenji caught my stare. His liquid gold eyes were sparkling with an air of playfulness.

"It takes a lot of effort to even do a little. I was working on Emmett for almost three hours."

I took a quick glance at the others gathered to get their take on this male beauty treatment.

"Is it difficult because they are vampires?"

Kenji smiled coyly before turning back to focus on Jaspers face.

"Partially. The difficulty lies with the fact it is not a solid state I am manipulating. Inanimate objects are far easier to sculpt." He explained.

The whole room was vibrating with a sort of excitement I hadn't felt from them in a long time. It was light, and lively. With all of the doom and gloom pressing down on us I felt glad for it. And I was glad Kenji could do something to lighten the mood.

I turned to spot Alice leaning against the wall by the stairwell she and Kate were talking quietly, and if Alice had been human she probably would have been blushing as she watched Jasper. I wondered if their vampiric eyes could see the hair poking through his skin yet, because it looked the same to me, and I was standing pretty close.

"So when's Alice's turn?" I asked while scratching my arm.

A high quick gasp and suddenly Jasper had been replaced by his mate in front of Kenji. Maybe Jasper had been shoved, but I hadn't been able to catch it.

"What a great idea. Kenji if you start now, by tomorrow night it'll be another 1/4th centimeter long," I put a fist to my mouth to cover the laugh, but it was pointless as rolling chuckles broke out in the house.

"What," I began, "No one else thought of Alice before they decided to add stubble to Emmett?"

"We wanted to see if it would work," Bella said.

"Also, we could pretty much guess that once he started on Alice she wouldn't let him go for a while." Kate added.

I shrugged and decided to watch the action and took a seat on the couch close to Esme and Carmen. We started talking about Kenji's ability and how he had to train himself, much like Kate had with her ability, to even get it to work on other vampires. He'd always been able to manipulate inanimate objects. The topic of feeding came up and I could almost hear the astounded thoughts echoing in the room.

Kenji, due to his ability, could increase the blood volume of his prey. He could feed fully off of a fox if he needed to. And would, when hunting humans, only kill one and it would last him weeks.

I decided to respect Kenji.

.~.

I was getting ready for bed and I just finished changing into my pajamas when someone knocked at my door. I assumed it was Esme to say goodnight so I told her to come in.

When I turned around I was surprised to see Kenji standing there in dark slacks, a nice deep green shirt and holding a book. I stuttered a moment, completely unsure what he'd want with me.

"My family must trust you." I said as I approached my bed.

"I think I have earned it," he replied cheerfully.

"What can I do for you Kenji?"

"I would like to help you."

I got into bed as he explained from the door what he meant by his helping me. He told me how he'd heard of my problems dealing with my torture and all of the pressures that came with my situation. It was hard to find any anger or bitterness in me for him. Kenji was sincere and it didn't look like he was judging me. But the whole family 'meddling with my life' thing _and_ telling Kenji about my coping problems set me in a negative frame of mind. Kenji took a few steps closer to my bed, he was holding out the book to me, I took it.

"A Buddhist guide to Meditation?" I asked reading the title.

"If you desire to be changed and not have the weight of such difficulties on your psyche I thought that Meditation would be a good place to start."

"_If_ you've talked to my family about me then you'll know giving me a book to read isn't a good way to endear yourself to me." I wiggled the book at him, than lowered it to my lap.

"You do not have to read _all_ of it. Perhaps just skimming through it would help you."

Why was he doing this? Why was he helping me? Aside from the fact my pride wanted me to throw the book aside and reaffirm that I could do this on my own, his motivation to help a human was confusing.

Kenji was a very intriguing individual that was certain. So I asked the obvious question.

"Why are you trying to help me?"

Without missing a beat, and perhaps prepared for that question he answered instantly, "We are not enemies Evangeline. And although your family and the Japanese covens cannot, in the strictest sense, become allies, I do feel a sense of obligation towards your coven. My son and your Tanya seem to prefer each other's company, and I can only hope that it continues. In addition I do not wish to have history repeat itself with young, brave and talented woman being changed when they are not mentally ready for it."

I really wished I was smarter so I could piece things together quick enough to respond, but all that came out was a small, "Oh" as I thought over his words.

"Good night Evangeline, I do hope you sleep well." And just like that he dismissed himself from my room, closing the door behind himself.

I in fact didn't wake up thrashing from a nightmare that night. In fact I couldn't even remember if I'd dreamed at all when I woke up.

.~.

Reading the meditation book was laborious. It was reminding me why I _hated_ school so much. And after my nearly daily conversation with Ren, where we laughed about me avoiding the book, I hunkered down to at very least make it look like I was reading it. Despite his reasons for helping me the fact Kenji didn't want me changed in a volatile state of mind sold me on the fact that I really should try to get better. If a stranger was against it, I could clearly understand why my family didn't want it either.

I even went as far as trying to meditate in the living room with the little I'd actually understood from the books. But it was harder to clear my mind than I had thought; it came as a shock to me that I had more going on in my head than I suspected.

Somehow I was hung up on Kenji mentioning history repeating itself. So much so I went to find him, book in hand, later that day. It was drizzling out and there was rolling thunder, so naturally they were all playing vampire football. Baseball was for later that night after I'd gone to bed, because it was going to be a whopper of a storm later that night.

I stood on the porch watching as the teams lined up before the hike. Absentmindedly I ran my thumb along the binding of the book. It wasn't new, and from the mismatched English grammar I could gather it was a rough translation.

They were blurs among the piddling mists of moisture. I could easily make out Emmett as he was trash talking constantly, even when Jasper and Eleazar had tackled him. The situation in the supernatural world was so full of gloom that even Eleazar and Carmen were taking up the opportunity to enjoy the festive atmosphere. Myself, I was happy they could enjoy it; it brought a smile to my face.

I went inside when my cell rang and talked to Josey a while about doing a few shows around the mid west. So until dinner I decided to practice my guitar and the new songs for my set list.

.~.

After the week where I went on tour with Emmett, Rose, Edward and Bella as my body guards I returned to the Reedsburg home to a tense atmosphere.

"What's up?" I asked as my lights flickered when Esme came to take the bags from Emmett as an excuse to greet me. Not getting hugs upon coming home was becoming disappointing the more it happened.

"We're getting a visit." Alice said grumpily from her spot by the fireplace.

"Evangeline please try not to antagonize Jane…" dad said.

I turned to give him a bewildered look. I had _just_ gotten back from doing a rushed tour around the Midwest, the last show in Milwaukee no less than five hours previously. Singing was doing all the things to my psyche that the meditation book said it could help me with. So although I hadn't really wanted to continue my career with the same energy as before, I went along with it. At least until Alice could kill off in an unsuspicious way.

"Rather than ask the obvious as to why I would **want** to antagonize her why don't you tell me who is coming?" I looked back to Alice as I stripped off my cardigan and yawned slightly. It was almost three am and my bed was already calling for me.

"They will be here in two days, Jane, Demetri, Afton, a new recruit from the looks of her, and Philippe." Alice counted them off on her tiny fingers. I took a long look at her once I took a seat at the chair near her. Happiness and awe for Kenji's ability was doubled when I realized I could actually see that her hair was longer.

"Alice-your hair," I said interrupting whatever Edward had been about to say.

"Isn't it wonderful!" She gleefully ran her fingers through her hair. "Esme said it looked longer but we were all wondering if you'd be able to notice."

"Subtle Alice," Bella chuckled mildly.

"I do have the weakest eyesight so… I guess it shows how good you are Kenji," I turned to look at the Japanese vampire who was standing by Edward's piano alcove, arms casually crossed over his chest as he leaned against the door frame.

"I have to work in small sections, we just managed to even it out before you arrived. All of the hair on Alice's head 7/8th centimeter longer."

Rosalie, who hadn't been home during Alice's magnificent transformation whistled low and blurred to her side and started looking at the ends of the black hair.

My little shrimp of a sister was smiling ear to ear, enjoying her miniscule change in hair length and her golden eyes were swimming with happy tears. It actually choked me up to see her _this_ joyful. Alice didn't have human memories so she didn't even have the periphery memory to what it was like to have your hair grow. For her she had always been what she was now.

Kenji had given her something that no entity on earth probably could have, he gave her a change that perhaps allowed her a glimpse to what she looked like as Mary Alice Brandon. It may have been just a little bit more length on her hair, and it had taken him a week to even get 7/8th of a centimeter but it was utterly amazing all the same.

I resisted the urge to jump up and hug Alice, so instead I thanked Kenji with a nod of my head.

"So the Volturi," Tanya said clapping her hands brightly.

"Don't worry about Jane, Eva, I got her covered for you. As long as you stand by me she can't touch you." Ichiro winked at me. I was beginning to wonder if those two were ever only around the main house whenever I was awake just to make an appearance. I caught a ghastly look from Edward and nearly started laughing.

.~.

After a late breakfast Ichiro and Tanya prepared for me, during the course of which I found myself enjoying eating more, Kenji asked to speak with me alone.

"Again?" I asked with faked exasperation. I too had wanted to speak with him alone. I still hadn't forgotten the comment about history repeating itself and I wanted to know what it meant.

Carlisle gave him a nod of approval and I rolled my eyes at my brothers as they joked about Kenji going off into the woods with me again.

"I thought perhaps you would enjoy a walk." Kenji's coy and GQ model-like handsome smile spread wide on his face. I felt a stupid blush forming, as it often did when male vampires were trying to charm me. That group included my brothers before I had loved them as my brothers. I still often fondly thought of Edward's bum.

August was horribly humid, and I wasn't enjoying shuffling through the woods again on yet another trek with Kenji. This time we were heading due south, likely passing Ren and Jakes cabin, Kenji keeping an easy relaxed human pace.

"I see you've been reading the book," he started not more than thirty yards away from the house.

"What happened to waiting till we were hearing distance away?" I quipped jerking my thumb back to the house where Emmett, Jasper and Garrett were having fun giving Kenji firm scowls.

"For that conversation it had been advised to speak with you alone by Toji, often I have no idea the reasons for his predictions but when I follow them things tend to," he gave me a casual glance as the path widened and I stepped to walk next to him, "end fortunately."

A dry twig broke beneath my foot as the trees thinned slightly and Kenji gestured down the slope to the left.

"This Toji sounds as annoying as Alice," I grumbled, thinking about the two future seers that tended to think they could run others lives.

Kenji laughed lightly; it was a deep and warm laugh.

We walked and he told me about how Toji was the weirdest vampire he'd ever met, including Alice. As Kenji told it Toji had the oddest sense of timing and would sometimes do the seemingly most random things. Like the time Toji hijacked a train in Russia only to 'park' it near a stone quarry that was closed during the rough winter. Kenji still had no idea why Toji had done it, and I could only imagine. Kenji had also recently _physically_ stopped Toji from buying a rocket off of a Chinese arms dealer; Toji had an inkling to go to space and was determined to build his own rocket.

I was beginning to really like this Toji guy. He seemed to always keep things interesting, just like Alice did, but he seemed to do it in a way that didn't always directly manipulate people the way Alice was constantly guilty of.

"You sound very fond of him," I finally said after I stopped laughing about the time Ichiro and Shizuka had purchased a submarine on Toji's 'orders' only to have him turn it in to a theme restaurant in Isumi city near Tokyo. Shizuka had been livid.

"Toji is the crazy uncle to this dysfunctional family. Shizuka views him as a trouble on some days and an eccentric lunatic other days. He tends to indulge the latter just for her."

"So that makes Ichiro the fun loving son?"

"Yes." He laughed again and I smiled shaking my head noticing how my long hair was causing me to sweat so I moved to put it in a pony tail as we continued on our path. Wherever Kenji was taking me it was further away than I had ever gone in the forest.

"And what does that make you?"

"I am in many respects their father. But for Shizuka because she has always desired me I am more of her retainer."

"So you created them?"

"None of them actually. I was, however, present when all three were born in to this life, and in Ichiro's case I was there within moments of his mother's death."

The sad yet prideful way he explained it pulled me up short.

"So you raised Ichiro as a human till he was old enough to change?" I looked at him, Kenji shook his head a thoughtful frown on his face.

"Ichiro up until 1929 had been half human. I changed him to a full vampire the spring of that year." I could hear the pain in his voice but I was to beside myself with confusion.

"What?" I asked, completely taken aback.

_Ichiro_ had been like Ren and Nahuel? But he was _very_ **plainly** and _clearly_ a vampire. I wasn't even aware it was possibly to change them _into_ a vampire. Surely Carlisle and Edward would have found the time since first meeting Nahuel to find out if venom worked on him. I mean Nahuel _was_ venomous.

Kenji gave me a happy little smirk that made me glower, before he quickly explained. Ichiro had been secretly fathered by his master Kaneyasu. Kenji had gone back to the village alone via instructions from Toji only to find an interesting smell on the wind. He found newborn, tiny little Ichiro sitting in the remains of his mother. 179 years later during the humans WWII there was a vampire territory war going on in Asia as well. The Chinese were constantly trying to invade Japan. Ichiro had nearly died several times due to his half human-ness. Kenji refused to tell me _how_ they did it but said it was pain beyond any normal changing, and that he would _never, ever _do it to another hybrid again.

It must have been horrible.

"He is one of the many reasons I am still alive," Kenji admitted.

We were now going down a much steeper hill and I was having trouble finding footing where old leaves and sticks had fallen in the recent storm.

"Because of his ability?" The story Kenji was telling me was as interesting as Carlisle's stories of his early travels in Europe.

"In part. Zhan and Wei have a personal vendetta against the Japanese Covens. And as-"

"Wait what?" I asked stopping short, which turned out to be a horrible idea as I had stopped on top of a branch and it rolled. My legs flew from under me and I was falling. I felt the cool strength of Kenji's marble arms catch me.

What. The. Hell.

No lights, no flashing, no frozen Kenji. Not even a _burning_. There was, however a light smell of baking cookies in the air. It took me only an instant to realize the smell was coming from Kenji.

"Why aren't you frozen- no wait back up- they have a personal vendetta against you?"

Kenji righted me and we faced each other on the slope, he was normally only four or five inches taller than me so we were now at eye level.

"We will come back to the fact your ability has not activated with my physical contact. Kaneyasu changed Wei roughly three hundred and thirty years ago. Wei has been bitter an angry that he had been taken from his luxurious lifestyle to live as a monster. He sought revenge and-" Kenji's light gold eyes grew cold and hard, and it sent a tingle of fright through me, "He managed to assassinate Kaneyasu on the very day I discovered Ichiro. And during WWII he found me along with a half human Ichiro and was determined to end both of us." He paused to take a breath calming himself it seemed. I shifted my feet and he took the hint offering his hand to help guide me. I fought the small smile from my face.

"So Wei is why you changed Ichiro?" I asked, still rather beside myself with shock as to how Kenji was able to touch me without my ability going haywire, as Kenji gently guided me down.

"Yes," he said acridly.

Kenji went on to explain that for Wei's first fifteen years as an immortal he showed no signs of having any sort of ability which had severely disappointed Kaneyasu. Kenji and Kaneyasu had developed over their 1000+ year relationship a rather fool proof strategy to change only humans that had abilities as vampires. Kaneyasu had thought Wei had been a fluke when in fact Wei had an ability so insidious that Wei himself did not know about it till just _after_ WWII. Kenji had Shizuka follow Wei to know what he was planning, but ordered her not to try and kill Wei by herself as it was too great a risk and Kenji did not want Wei to have her ability. But I got the impression Kenji just didn't want the guilt of Shizuka's destruction on his head, as Kaneyasu's clearly seemed to be.

Shizuka came back to Kenji in 1950 with disturbing news. Wei had found a female human and fell in love with her. He changed her and thus Zhan was born. Zhan, according to Shizuka had been brutalized by Japanese soldiers during the war and suffered post traumatic stress from it. Wei hadn't known or cared when he stole her away in the middle of the night. Zhan awoke to the immortal life full of spite and a sick twisted view of the world. Shizuka having seen what Zhan's ability was, left immediately seeing Zhan order Wei to break off his own arm. That relationship must one of the worst cases of spousal abuse in history. Because Kenji promised that Zhan did actually feel affection towards Wei as she hadn't ordered him to hurt himself in years, now that they had made up their little camps.

The thought that the whole situation with Zhan and Wei was beyond fucked up made a home in my brain.

"Is that what you meant when you said… about history repeating itself?" Kenji's cool hand released mine once we had finished the climb down the hill.

We didn't have much further to go, as I could see the water through the trees and it seemed obvious that this was where Kenji had been leading us. The clouds were large and puffy but through them the sun light was causing the lake to reflect like a mirror.

"It is. Although, the comparison between yourself and Zhan is heavier handed then I meant it to be. I do not see your mental stability as much of an issue as your family does."

"Was that a backhanded compliment?" I snorted, grinning at him.

"Your family loves you and wishes they could take unto themselves the mental strife you _are_ and have been going through. I wish for you to understand that you have already overcome much of what Zhan has done to you." Kenji sat on a boulder in the shade of a pine. There was enough room for me a foot away from him, otherwise there was a log about ten feet away. I wondered if he planned this while I took a spot next to him, half sitting and half standing with my butt against the cool of the stone and my left foot solidly planted on the ground.

"So you want me to meditate…" I mused aloud looking to the soft ripples the wind was creating on the water.

"Does it not seem to already work?"

"I breezed through the four foundations of- um,"

"Mindfulness?" Kenji supplied sounding interested.

"None of it really stuck. I guess I liked the idea of focusing my energy on breathing meditations."

"I thought you might. Do you find that type of meditation easier to understand?"

He was trying to lead me to a discovery; he had the same tone the teachers used to have, to get me to answer a question where the answer was right in front of me. And just like at those times I drew a blank. So I ended up just staring at him with a look in between pain and humility.

Kenji didn't give me the answer but he did give me clues and my hand to god I fell in love with him in that moment in the sun.

Gracefully and gradually he turned to look out to the lake and closed his eyes and started a low peaceful note. Started off as a low but gradual building song, one note increasing in volume and then he suddenly broke into a melody that seemed simple and innocent. Kenji was so mesmerizing, and not just in voice as all vampires had above average singing voices, some like Alice and Carlisle who must have spent many years while human singing their hearts out were better than Bella or even Edward. And what little variation I could tell in the singing quality between those of my family, Kenji's wordless melody was caressing my ears and I knew he had been a singer of quality when he'd been human.

I was too enthralled listening to him that when he turned to look at me again I had to remind myself to close my mouth.

"My singing is my meditation." I said after a moment with a grand smile spreading across my face.

"Now that you have come to that realization let us revisit the fact your ability does not seem to activate with me."

While Kenji started explaining his and Ichiro's theories as to why my gift didn't seem to work on him I watched his lips and felt a little ridiculous, much like I had when I started to feel unabashedly attracted to Nahuel.

"You and the lights you see are a reaction to when you feel danger or a threat."

I nodded.

"Carlisle told me of the… difficult time you had after your biological father was killed," Kenji hesitated then unsure how I would react, and an irritation with people meddling was stamped out because I knew he was trying to answer my question. And in his own way Kenji, for some confusing reason, was trying to help.

"Your family betrayed you. You may have forgiven them, but you do not forget and your ability knows they are capable of far worse things than simply physically harming you. Now you _know_ they can hurt you in a far deeper way, and your ability wants to protect you from that. I have no intention or reason to harm you. I do not desire to feed from you and would do my best to aid in your protection if a situation called for it."

He explained it so simply and so perfectly any questions I had about his theory died before they were fully formed.

"You don't want to drink me?" I teased lightly coming to grips with all he said.

Suddenly his face was hovering right before me, I jumped a little and gave him an unsure smile. Ever so gently he took my arm and lifted it running the crook of my wrist along his nose and inhaling deeply. His eyes closed in what looked like bliss and I felt my heart rate spike as I swallowed audibly.

It felt like a paper cut and I winced, shocked at his actions as his finger nail carefully pierced my thin skin, the tiny line of blood was welling up and his now pitch black eyes were staring into mine. I felt fear, of course, and I felt excitement but the emotion holding me steady was curiosity.

"I have trained, and meditated for _centuries_ Evangeline. In my life I have come across ten humans whose blood calls to me like yours does to Shizuka. And I have resisted. I let them all live to old age. There was one singer whom I kept tabs on for decades. He grew to be an old man and had children and grandchildren. When he was old and feeble I went to his bed and took from him the blood that had been calling to me for years.

"Just as your family strives to not give in to our own monstrous natures I too in my own way follow their beliefs. If Japan had been larger, and the abundance of wildlife provided me with the ability to feed in the way that they do I am sure I would have."

Tenderly his tongue licked the small amount of pooling blood. It was like cool ice on a hot burn the way he softly pressed and swiped his tongue along my pulsing wrist. That simple movement, and the heavy look he gave me after was the single most powerfully erotic thing I'd ever witnessed or been part of.

..~..

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AN: Mmmm how I wish I was in Eva's position. Anyway leave me a review and let me know you are out there and how you are liking the story.

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	18. In Passing

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

AN: Okay all, it's been a while since I updated HT. Mostly because I felt unloved, but also because of life. So here is chapter 18, I do hope you enjoy it.

**Panthalassa - High Tide**

**Chapter 18 - In Passing**

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My opinion of Kenji had vastly changed with just that one conversation. And it took entire trek back for me to figure out I suddenly had a crush on him. Vampires were too damn appealing and it wasn't fair in any way, shape, or form.

Edward had a fraternal type smile for me when I came back to the house, rather than respond to it I made an excuse and fled to my room.

This wasn't the time to be finding myself attracted to Kenji, or anyone for that matter. Hadn't I just left Seth and decided to put my feelings on hold for him for the time being? I was being ridiculous for even being upset about it. It wasn't _my_ fault he had suddenly become more appealing to me. I couldn't be mad at _him_ either, it didn't seem like he was trying to dazzle me like Edward had done to Bella. In fact I suspected it was just who Kenji was. He was to the point and he wanted to firmly show me that even an open wound and tasting my blood wasn't enough for him to lose control. Albeit it was a very _erotic_ way to show me, and I was certain he hadn't needed to go to that length or have that heady almost pouty look on his face when he did it.

I tried to shake the image from my mind as I took a long shower, a cold shower at that. I ended up singing a bit to distract myself, focusing on the notes as if it really was a form of meditation.

But I kept going back to Kenji and his actions towards me. I was confused and I didn't like it. Maybe he hadn't meant to get me so flustered. But it wasn't something I needed at the moment, to be lusting after him like a teenager, especially when I needed to find a way to get our family in an alliance with the Japanese covens.

I came to the conclusion that if it came to it Tanya might be willing to do something, force her hand as they say. Ichiro was her mate. So that made Kenji like her new father-in-law. Surely that made Tanya part of their coven now? Or was it more complicated than that?

Stubbornly I stayed in my room till dinner. My thoughts and emotions had been running since I had pulled myself out of my shower and gloweringly sat in my closet thinking over my problems.

_Just get through tomorrow and then you can talk to the family… maybe plan to offer the Japanese something or help in the future,_ I told myself when I went down for dinner.

Ichiro seemed to really enjoy watching me eat; Tanya sat on his lap and made no attempts to hide the PDA. I hadn't realized I had seconds of the yams or green beans until I was almost done with them. I had been so lost in my frustrated thoughts to really notice much.

Edward was probably enjoying, or at least getting some entertainment out of my inner turmoil with whatever had happened between Kenji and myself during our talk.

.~.

I woke up suddenly and panting from a dream I couldn't really remember. No one came rushing in so I supposed it had been a normal dream, likely I hadn't been screaming. Rolling to my side to try and get comfortable I tried to go back to sleep.

I must have tried for an hour or two to fall back asleep before I decided to go and see what the family was up to.

No one was in the living room, dining room, or on the main floor. I went to Carlisle's office and found it empty as well, but the framed painting the size of a large pillow had been moved and was left open. I heard voices coming up from the secret room where they forged documents and such. Intrigued I inched closer, not bothering to hide my approach as whomever was down there could hear me easily.

Suddenly Alice's head popped up in the hole. She easily slid out of the frame and gave me a small smile.

"Jasper will be up in a moment if you want to talk to him." Alice brightly ran her fingers through her hair as she winked at me and left the room. I stared at the door with a genuine look of doubt as she closed it and I heard a light sound of something behind me only to find Jasper standing there. I felt the tingling of sorrow seep from him.

"Hey," I began and shifted my weight as I scratched the scars on my left arm.

"Couldn't sleep?" He asked quickly looking me over and shoving the papers he had been working on under his arm.

"Pretty much."

Jaspers sorrow was starting to affect me and it reminded me of how selfish I really had been since-well for a long time.

It was probably a sign that I was growing up when I could reflect on my past actions and see how truly selfish I had been, and also still was, to a point. Sue had reminded me about how the horrible things that happened because I was kidnapped hadn't _just_ happened to me. Everyone had suffered because of it. And yet I ignored _their_ pain, and _their_ frustrations while I raged and cried. I was better now, I thought, that I could see that this war wasn't just about my pain. I loved my family and I wanted to protect them but had I ever really been a sister to them? A daughter? Because as Jasper and I shared an awkward moment where he read my rolling emotions and I stared into his gold eyes I tried to think of any time since coming to live with them that _I_ had been _there_ for them, when _they_ needed me.

"Jasper," I began, my instinct was to look away because I wasn't exactly confident in what I was doing. "I am really… really sorry about Peter and Charlotte." At hearing my words Jasper blinked rapidly and the sorrow and sadness doubled in the room, tears pooled in his eyes and mine.

"Thank you Eva," he said slowly while he cast his eyes downward to the carpet.

It wasn't enough, saying I was sorry. When I had been sad or angry or in need to talk all of my family had just been there for me. But I didn't know if Jasper _wanted_ to talk to me about it, or if maybe I should say something more like Edward or Carlisle might.

Jasper solved the problem for me and went to sit on the little elegant bench Carlisle had by the bookshelf. I followed and sat next to him, the light tingling burn of my lights thoroughly annoying me.

"I know better than most the guilt people feel after they lose someone… but I never really- I hadn't talked to them since they left when they wouldn't agree to help rescue you."

"What happened?" I asked gently.

They hadn't gone over Peter and Charlottes exit from Denali in much detail, as I suspected it had been rather difficult for the whole family.

"They both agreed if it had been Alice or myself taken that they would have helped, but it was because you were _human_. It was- I was so angry at them Eva. They just saw you as a _casualty_, nothing more. And no matter how much I tried to reason with them-" Jasper's voice broke and he closed his eyes tightly, guilt and anger were firmly tainted by sadness now, and he wasn't meaning to push those emotions to me so I tried to focus on my own emotions to better stabilize both of us.

"I realized it then, just as the fight was getting at its worst that Peter was the type of man I had been back before I met Alice. He may have had better clothes and liked the luxuries that the money he invested had given him. But he still viewed humans so…so very _crudely_. It-it broke me Eva- to see my best friend- my oldest friend so _cruel_ so uncaring. And I told him- I said horrible things to him-" at this point Jasper could no longer stop himself and he bent over his knees, the papers he'd been holding falling to the floor in a soft whoosh. As much as I tried not to let his emotions affect me, his words put me over the edge and I started to cry.

Jasper stilled beneath me his sobs quieting, and I pressed my cheek harder into his back as my arms squeezed him harder.

It was the same instant that I realized he'd stopped dry sobbing that I noticed that I was touching him. The marble flesh of his upper arm was in direct contact with my hand.

A bubble of elation built in me, realizing I was touching him. The lights were nowhere to be found. With Kenji's theory in mind did that mean I had forgiven Jasper completely?

Sitting up straight Jasper and I looked at one another, my right arm still draped around him.

He said nothing but gently reached to my lap and took a hold of my left hand, threading his fingers with mine.

We sacrifice a lot of things during our lifetimes, some things against our will and some we give up freely. Jasper had given up on a friendship with Peter because of his love for me. Possibly given time they could have reconciled. But even then I doubt it would have been the same.

"Just because people grow apart doesn't mean they care about each other any less." I say, now fully aware that although the lights aren't blinking or tingling but that they are pulsing and at the ready, should they be needed.

"But they didn't care about you," his deep southern voice sighed out.

I licked my lips and nodded, "But they cared about _you_. That's why they even agreed to go to Denali in the first place isn't it? They cared about _you_, and not me. And really Jasper it's okay with me that they didn't."

Incredulousness tickled me.

"Honestly. Even _if_ they had agreed, how many others would have? Those nomads Garrett rounded up didn't stay. That camp was hell Jasper," I felt the surge of my own despair and anger rising, "But if you _had_ come to try and rescue me- you might have all been killed. Or even just one of you. I hated every minute I was there, but _**never**_ would I have wanted any of you to be hurt or possibly die to come rescue me."

"I failed you- we all _failed_ you." He shook his head and let the blonde locks of hair fall in front of his eyes. Shame replaced his sadness.

I wasn't about to admit that I felt that way too. Or at least I _had_. His words had me denying it in my mind. I wanted to blame them, in my angry fits I had truly hated that they had left me in that camp. But hearing Jasper so _broken_ and angry over what had happened made me understand my own anger better.

"I was angry too Jasper, I thought you'd failed me. I thought you'd leave me there, that you decided I wasn't worth it-" Jasper squeezed my hand almost painfully now and turned to look at me sharply. "But you did come. And I am-_home_ now." And ironic smile flitted across my face.

"I hadn't had a home in a long time, and because of your love I did. I _finally_ have a home to come back to Jasper."

Jasper turned fully to hug me and I rested my head on his shoulder enjoying the fresh peach smell he always had.

.~.

I hated Afton and his smug little face. I hated Jane and her tacky black cloak and I hated them being in my _home_.

Despite Ichiro's promise to shield me from Jane's ability it had been decided that the Denali's, Ichiro, Kenji and Huilen ought to be at one of the other cabins so we didn't unintentionally intimidate the Volturi guard.

The five of them stood just inside the door way, as if to block that escape route. Philippe was imitating a statue from the second they took their positions. He hadn't moved at all since being welcomed into the house by Esme and Carlisle. Demetri was the most relaxed of the guard chatting mildly with Alice about the visions she's been seeing. He obviously was the diplomatic one of the group.

Jane would not stop watching me as I sat on the couch facing the group. Her stare was fixed and blank. It made me nervous almost as if she was debating whether or not to try and use her ability on me. I knew Bella had the whole family covered. But I wasn't really focusing on Jane while Demetri and Afton took turns talking to various family members about Zhan and the attacks. I was watching Philippe.

I had been wrong all those times I had assumed he'd been bored, now looking at him I could see it as if I had Jaspers ability. Philippe was sad.

"You need to gain more weight," Demetri said, and it took Rosalie nudging me to realize he meant me.

"Yeah well you need to update your wardrobe," I snarked back. Only realizing after I said it how bad of an idea it had been.

Demetri tilted his head and rose a brow in challenge. I pursed my lips and looked away.

"You are much too thin, you do not look healthy." He surmised.

"But I smell healthy so what is the difference," I shrugged and earned yet another nudge from Rose. I had no idea why I was picking this moment to be so difficult. Edward tried to diffuse the situation but Jane beat him to it.

"You do not speak with the proper respect; perhaps you'd like me to give some incentive to do so." Hissing and low growls broke out and I heard Esme shriek.

Jasper moved to stand in Jane's line of sight to me. Afton was growling lowly and suddenly two more figures appeared out of nowhere.

"Hello again Jane," Ichiro said jovially.

Someone said something in Italian that sounded like a curse. The new Volturi guard member who so far had been like a copy of Philippe and was a still statue laughed once loudly and looked at me.

Then things got interesting because there were fast conversations in Italian and Japanese being thrown around. It appeared that Ichiro knew the new recruit to the Volturi and that Demetri and Afton were bantering with Kenji. Kenji's posture seemed stiff although the tone of their words seemed light.

"It is not against the treaty for us to be outside of Japan, and it would be well within our own rights to dismantle each of you and send you back to your masters in tiny boxes over the next forty years if you continue this tactic."

"You?" Jane said scathingly in English, and as I couldn't see her I knew she had directed the question to Kenji.

"I advise against removing her from the care of the Cullen's." The low voice of Philippe spoke up, and instantly I looked to him.

What they _hell_ had they been talking about! Removing me from my family? Like hell they would! But there he was again, Philippe doing something that made no sense. Was that honestly his opinion? Or was my imagination getting away with me in thinking that Philippe was trying to help or protect me?

Jane made a noise in the back of her throat.

Demetri asked him something and Philippe spoke again in English, this time his eyes swept over me before looking into the guard members eyes.

"Removing her by force, without Alec, would be _impossible_. She has a more complete control over the ability we witnessed her use on Bianca." Afton scoffed at Philippe but Demetri took a long considering look at me.

"Evangeline it would be good of you to remember the freedom and leniency our masters have graciously given you. And as their guard our reports will be taken in to consideration."

Where the pride and confidence came from inside me, I had no idea. But I wasn't going to let Aro think that he owned me or my family.

I plastered a shy smile and bit my lower lip looking at Demetri.

"Master Aro is very kind to allow me my time of rest and recuperation. However I would like you to tell him I feel threatened by Jane's obvious hostility towards me and in the future humbly ask that she refrain from the next visits to see upon me or my families well being. She does not instill a sense of safety and comfort I have come to associate with Master Aro." I purposefully left Caius out, the pompous douche. Demetri, and Afton were both taken aback with me. I had no idea where those words had come from and I decided to blame Kenji and his deliberate almost poetic framing of words.

"I do promise to try and gain some weight," I added with a nod of my head.

"Well," Demetri looked around and settled to look at Jane. "I believe the only other matter is the request Master Caius has of Alice." He said turning now to Alice. I saw her stand to her full height from across the room, standing in front of the guard.

"He wants you to try and find a way to capture Zhan or her mate Wei. And also to continually look to see if any further attacks might happen to be directed at Volterra."

.~.

The Volturi visit had been short, but not short enough for me and as soon as Edward confirmed they were far enough away the Denali's came back so Edward could tell us all of their inner thoughts. Huilen stood outside not really comfortable being close to a human she couldn't sink her teeth in to.

"Wait, you can read thoughts?" Ichiro asked, shocked and awed.

"The two of you had already suspected my ability," Edward said.

"We knew it was an Active ability yes." Kenji responded with a small nod of his head.

I had gone to the bathroom after the Volturi left and was still fighting my embarrassment of having to do human things around the Japanese coven while I sat on the couch with Alice and Bella. Everyone arranged themselves around the main floor, mostly in couples.

"Active ability?" Carlisle asked with an openly curious tone.

"Kaneyasu and I endeavored to discover the nature of how abilities develop in humans and how it transmutes to their vampire ability."

"Interesting," Eleazar said brightly, "I can sense the direction of the ability or I should say the flavor of what it does, but all of them are similar in their," Eleazar paused to think it over, "Intensity."

"There are two categories for abilities; Illusion and Physical. We defined illusion abilities as any that you cannot see the result of. They usually involve the senses and fooling or manipulating the brain. Edward, Bella, Kate and yourself Elezear have illusion based abilities. Phsyical abilities are any that you can actually see, or can cause a reaction. Some physical abilities sometimes look like illusion abilities when in fact they aren't.

"Jasper, Alice, Ichiro, Shizuka and myself are some examples of phsycial ability." Kenji had gestured to each person in the room when mentioning the abilities.

I was shocked with the information; it seemed mind boggling that this wasn't common knowledge among vampires. But based off the looks the entire clutch of vampires was wearing they were being bowled over by this information. Kenji didn't seem to be bothered though and continued his impromptu lecture of the superpowers vampires could have.

"Even among the main two categories an ability is further described by characteristics. Static, Active, Dormant and Null. Static ability is one that takes concentration, eye contact, physical contact or other stimuli to work, an example would be Jane, Alice or even Bella. Active ability is simply one that is always working, Jasper, Edward and Ichiro are prime examples. Dormant is as it sounds and the timing may have been off for the person being changed, they may have been too young or too old for their ability to work properly. Null simply is the term to refer to a vampire or human that has no chance to have a power."

"How did you come to these conclusions?" Eleazar was eagerly listening now. Edward closed his eyes tightly for a second as if he was in pain and then looked to Bella.

"_Centuries_ of testing on humans." Kenji replied.

A thick chill took a hold of me at those words.

"So you could figure out what category and characteristic an ability would take when a human was changed _before_ their change?" Carlisle was fascinated.

Kenji's gold eyes looked over to me and I fidgeted with the ends of my hair.

He went on to explain it in more detail and I could tell the whole room was reeling by the end of his little information dump.

Of the four characteristics it is actually more common to have a dormant ability than a null one. For each person has passions while human that may translate to an ability but timing may be off. Active abilities are the hardest to come by, and also the easiest to cope with their strength and power. Because of constant use the gifted vampire becomes used to the ability and it simply becomes another sense. Static gifted individual are more common but also have a harder time to control the ability due to the possibility of their change being near the 'dormant' state. Concentration and dedication can cause the ability to grow and change. Optimum chance for growth is in the first year of immortal life. Some with Static abilities will reach a block in development; others can grow vastly beyond their original ability.

When human it is possible to determine if they would develop a gift of Static or Active. A human that is changed, and is considered Dormant as a vampire is likely to have appeared to be special but was changed too soon for the gift to increase into the other two characteristics.

"Does that mean you can tell what kind of ability Eva will have?" Bella asked shortly after Kenji surmised his theories on abilities.

"We already know she has a Physical ability that may or may not be Active or Static. It is currently a static ability but it may change given time." Ichiro spoke up.

It really didn't matter to me what _type_ of ability I had, characteristic or any of that. Sure it was interesting to know that Alice had a Static ability to see the future whereas Toji had an Active one and that was where their biggest difference in seeing the future was. And that well defined way Kenji described powers still answered the questions as to why some abilities were so different yet the same. Philippe had an Active Illusion ability whereas Eleazar had a Static Illusion ability.

With all the talk about powers and the differences it seemed like we forgot the fact the Volturi had just visited and had almost removed me from the house.

My internal thoughts triggered Edward to bring us back around to that topic not long after I thought it.

"Jane is insanely upset with how much Aro has been focusing on you. The new recruit Amelia has some sort of fighting ability, which none of them thought on. She was however using it subtly on you Evangeline, which is why I think it spurred to be slightly on the defensive."

"How serious was Demetri about the fact the Volturi would likely order you to go to Volterra soon, seeing as how we were 'interfering' in matters that were of no concern to the Japanese Empire?" It was Kenji asking that that let me understand with the multi lingual bickering had been about. His tone was flat and I might have been imagining it but it had a bit of concern to it.

"Minimally. It is expected that Jane is to give report to Aro. And although Demetri is neutral to having our family in Volterra Jane detests the idea. And specifically she loathes the idea of Bella being in close quarters with the other guard members."

"Ah," Bella brightly smiled, "If I didn't despise the Volturi so much I might just like moving there to annoy Jane." Emmett made to give Bella a high five which she rolled her eyes and reluctantly accepted.

I was starting to feel a little ill in a normal typical human way, like a head ache building after a long rough day of work. The fact I had only gotten three hours of sleep and then had to face the Volturi and that Amelia vampire doing something to me really pressed upon my head.

When I brought up my discomfort it was politely accepted that I retire to my room. I had just changed back into pajama's when there was a knock at my door.

I opened it to find Kenji.

"Can't get enough of my room huh?" I joked.

"I do rather like the simplicity of your décor. But I merely wished to bid you farewell."

Disappointment flew through me, and it creped me out that it had.

"Leaving so soon? Is Tanya going with you? Are you worried about the full moon?"

Kenji had the human ticks and gestures down as he seemed completely natural running a hand through his hair then let it rest against the back of his neck.

"Not at this time, we, Ichiro and I will be joining Shizuka in Kenya. She thinks we might be able to finish Wei off when he is alone. Toji has yet to get back to us on whether it will work. And Alice cannot see Shizuka or any decisions Shizuka makes, once we meet her hopefully Alice will be able to see if the plan goes well. As far as the full moon goes Toji and Alice will be looking, but I doubt they will attack again this month, they seem to have a pattern of attack that is fairly regular."

"Sounds complicated," I wrinkled my nose while shaking my head slightly.

"More or less. Ichiro will likely be back as soon as he can be." I could hear the question hanging in the air between us, the question that I should ask but really didn't need to or care to. Would Kenji be back as well? It didn't matter to me if he did come back, not really, as it seemed to me that any talks of allying with the Japanese were not going to go anywhere.

"Tell Shizuka I say... umm…"

"It is best perhaps not to mention you."

"It would come off as taunting wouldn't it?"

"A bit." Kenji smiled and straightened up and offered his hand for me to shake. I chuckled and shook his hand.

"Be well and read more of that book."

I wasn't able to tell if and when the Japanese left but I thought about Kenji and how odd it was for a strange vampire to be so at ease with a human. Also how at ease I seemed to have become being around him.

All Kenji had told us about abilities and all he told me about my own ability it was almost concerning how he had come to know so much. He was over 1900 years old. But how many humans had he observed before their change to come up with the theories he had?

.~.

William Ephriam Black Jr died at 4:02 am on Friday August 14th 2026, 6:02 am in Reesdburg.

It was Esme that woke me up to tell me.

Drastically different emotions upon hearing about his passing soared through my foggy sleepy brain.

I was worried about how Jake and Ren were handling it.

I was angry that Billy had gotten to live such a love filled life and have it end in such a peaceful way.

I was bitter that Akharad hadn't had that privilege.

I was frustrated with the fact so many were sad for his passing.

And a part of me was jealous. Jealous that Billy had escaped from this life. Not that I wanted to die, I had far too much to live for. But Billy was gone. He couldn't _suffer_ anymore. He wasn't around to see his family fight in a war against a psycho. Not that there was any indication my family would be fighting anytime soon. But who knew when the Volturi decided they wanted to close their grasp on us and our powerful family. Billy was gone. He was free.

So when I started crying at the news I knew Esme took it as a sign that I would truly miss Billy, so I would let her think it. But really I was crying because he won, he was _free_ and he was _gone_ and it was a really, _really_ good thing.

I sleepily stumbled down to the living room where everyone was gathered.

"When are we going?" I asked as I pulled my pajama shirt up so I could scratch my stomach. The yawn afterward was highly powerful. My eyes were watering when I was done.

"Huilen has already started on foot, she is too anxious to see Nahuel." Carlisle grinned seeing my sleepy face.

"We were just discussing that. The funeral rites need to be performed by the tribe today at sunset. We would like to be there for that." As Esme says this she hands me a throw blanket that I drape over my shoulders before looking to a rather distraught Bella being comforted by Edward as they stand at the door.

"Would you be offended if Bella, Esme, Carlisle and I leave before sunrise?" Edward asked me, looking up from his wife's tear filled eyes.

_Why ask me?_ I shot back to him_. Jake and Ren need you now, not to mention Charlie and Sue. We can all leave now I suppose Alice surely has a bag packed for me._

"I mean to say that we can leave in the next ten minutes and make it to the airport in time to make the 7:50 flight to Seattle." He explained.

I shrugged and looked to Emmett and Rose who hadn't bothered to straighten their hastily put on clothing. I smirked at Emmett and he winked at me, both of us knowing full well what he and Rosalie had been up to when the news of Billy came.

"You guys should go so you can make the flight." I tried to give Esme a concerned smile. My mum nodded, her hair in a side braid that made her look a lot younger then she usually did fell in front of her shoulder.

She gave me a tiny difficult hug with the blanket wrapped around me to protect her, then dad followed suit, while Bella gave me a sad smile before she left to go start the car at Seth's old house.

"Take care of her," Edward said to the rest of the clutch.

And just like that they left.

"Since you are up did you want to play a game?" Tanya asked. She looked a little bit down in the dumps too. Her usual well styled hair and polished look, even for a vampire, was not up to her standards.

Kate saw me looking over her sister and gave me a rueful smile from behind Tanya's back.

"She misses him." She explained.

"Duh," I replied at the same time Alice did.

"I actually want to go back to sleep, I haven't really been sleeping well." I didn't want to add the part where my dreams, the ones I could remember were becoming something a bit more on the side of disturbing than I liked. They weren't the straight nightmares I had been having back in July when I had first come home. Now Kenji, Shizuka and Philippe were in them. I couldn't remember the content of the dreams I just always had a slight off feeling when I woke. Like I had just seen a really creepy movie.

As it turns out the game was really fun. Every one of the vampires made me a dish, and asked me to guess who made what.

"Emmett," I said pointing to the bowl of cereal on the dining room table now laden with food. I had waited almost thirty minutes in the living room flipping through the meditation book and yawning a lot while they made the food.

"Team Vampire 1 Eva 0." Emmett laughed, and I made a tisking noise before crossing my arms over my chest and huffily sitting down before a bowl of mashed potatoes.

"How many will I get Alice?" I asked surveying the table.

She skipped to the spot across from me and put her pointer finger daintily on her chin.

"Don't know," she giggled lightly.

I ended up eating while guessing because who ever made the chocolate lava cake, in under 40 minutes I might add, deserved to have their dish eaten. There were a total of nine dishes and I knew Emmett's wasn't the cereal so I thought on it.

"Alice made the chocolate cake," I said with my mouth full of the chocolate stuff. I must have looked so ridiculous, and I felt it too, because Kate, Carmen and Alice burst out laughing.

"How'd you know?" Alice lovingly asked.

"You know how much I like chocolate things and probably looked to see what I would eat first if it was put in front of me." Alice clapped happily and nodded.

"Eva 1+1 Vamps 1," I said smarmily.

"1+1?" Eleazar asked, seemingly finding himself enjoying this food guessing game against his expectations.

"I guessed right _and_ I get to eat the cake."

Tanya had made the garlic pan seared cod. Jasper had made the corn bread. Carmen had made the fruit platter, expertly cut and put together to look like a replica of a swan. Kate had made the chocolate pudding, Garrett had made the coffee, bless him. Rosalie had made a spicy tex-mex dish which I couldn't stop eating. Eleazar had made the cereal. And Emmett had fixed me a hamburger.

"I thought it would be obvious." He complained.

"What are you complaining about, you guys won." I chided, while they cleared all of the plates except for the spicy dish Rosalie had made me.

"Not really, I had to make human food. Do you have any idea how long it's been since I've _touched_ beans to make coffee?" Garrett scoffed.

Not missing a beat I smiled widely, "Just after the Boston Tea Party I imagine."

Jasper was the loudest laughing at that. He doubled over the counter top while Garrett glared at him.

"I am guessing it wasn't your brilliant idea then, to get me to eat?"

That had them quieting pretty quickly.

"What makes you think that?" Carmen asked. Rosalie rolled her eyes, saying basically 'She's not stupid'.

"I don't know. Maybe the fact it is not even 8:50 am," I said looking at the clock on the wall, "And I have just eaten more food in one sitting than I have in almost three months…?" I trailed off leadingly with the questioning tone looking to Tanya who had asked me to play the game in the first place.

"It was actually Ichiro's idea," Alice admitted quickly.

I wasn't upset. Not really. This was meddling, sure, having them trick me in to eating. But what good was it going to do to act angry over it when I had actually enjoyed myself.

Tanya's phone rang and she gave a happy delighted smile.

"That'll be Ichiro telling her they've arrived in Kenya," Carmen said fondly watching as Tanya skipped outside to talk in with more visual privacy from the group.

The house phone rang too and Eleazar gave it odd look before going to pick it up.

All of the vampires heard whatever the person on the phone line had said and instantly reacted. All of a sudden I was surrounded by my family; a tight circle of them caused my eyes to begin burning. Eleazar was still on the phone and I heard a low growl vibrating out of Jasper whose back was now to me.

Their behavior might have been really odd to me, boxing me in like they were, but I had managed to understand quickly that they were taking up a protective stance.

..~..

..~..

V

V

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	19. Good Intentions

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

AN: Okay everyone be ready for this chapter, things get rough.

**Panthalassa : High Tide**

**Chapter 19 - Good Intentions**

..~..

..~..

Jasper was suddenly yanked away and a tumult of hissing snarling and growling was released. Someone threw me over their shoulder and I was blurring through the forest the tell tale signs of a fight going on back at the house.

"Was it Shizuka?" I asked using all of my energy to force the burn away in my eyes as Emmett's large arm was touching my exposed back from where my pajamas had been pushed away when he'd flung me up.

"Yeah, Kate's got her now. But not before she got a piece of Jasper, Alice is _not_ happy. Apparently your 'audience' is completely determined to get a taste of you."

"Audience?" I half laughed half grunted.

"You asked what she was to you if you were her singer. Who does a singer sing to?" Emmett laughed.

"Cute Emmett, _real_ cute."

He set me down once we were in his and Rosalie's cabin. There was a couch that looked like a giant boulder had been dropped in the middle as it was all kinds of broken.

"Oh ew Emmett!" I said disgusted as I pointed to the couch and the very obvious pieces of clothing lying everywhere.

"Sorry didn't have time to clean up. Been a busy morning ya know?" He didn't sound even the littlest bit sorry.

I kicked a chunk of wood that looked like it had once belonged as part of a table leg but couldn't seem to find any bigger pieces.

"So Shizuka tricked Kenji and Ichiro?"

"But not Toji, fortunately for us."

"Was that who was on the phone?" I was grateful, and really starting to like Toji.

"He told us Shizuka was nearby, she must have heard and decided to 'carpe Eva'."

My eye roll was instant. He was trying to joke with me to lighten the mood. It was working.

"She must have balls bigger than yours to try and get through nine vampires to get to me."

"The size of grapefruits," he gestured with his hands between his legs and I lost it, I broke down into a little fit of giggles.

"I don't know if I would have tried it, even being invisible, if I had found my singer surrounded by a coven dedicated to protect them. I like a quick an easy meal, myself."

"I think quick and easy just about sums you up entirely Emmett." I smirked at him.

He growled at me playfully and made to lunge but I jumped away. So we played slow human chasing around his demolished living room, I would take time to grab chucks of the couch or coffee table, which I had found the leg had belonged to and chuck it at him. He would growl and lunge.

It lasted a good five minutes all the while I was smiling and liking that Emmett was pretending to be as slow as a normal man.

"I see the state of things hasn't soured your ability to make light of any situation Emmett," Carmen interrupted our little fun chase, stopping Emmett and myself in our positions. I had my arm over my head as if to throw the new triangle piece of wood while Emmett was about to throw the shell of a pillow at me, the stuffing slowly dropping out as if it were chunky liquid and not cotton.

Emmett turned to the door to greet Carmen and I flicked my wrist to throw the piece. He caught it, of course, without really looking or without me really seeing how he'd done it.

Carmen then explained what was going on. Kate had subdued Shizuka enough to get her into Seth's house, and into the basement where Garrett, Tanya and Kate were currently keeping watch. Kenji and Ichiro were on their way back while Toji had talked to Alice on the phone briefly and announced he was coming to visit as well.

Alice appeared next to Carmen suddenly and interrupted her explanation of what was going on by announcing that I was going to be moved while Shizuka's body guards waited till Ichiro and Kenji could get a hold of her.

"I wanted to meet Toji!" I pretended to whine. I was actually very glad to be getting away from Shizuka.

"So did I but you don't hear me griping," Alice bitterly shot back.

.~.

For how much Alice claimed I didn't hear her griping, I heard an _awful_ lot of something that sounded very much like griping from Alice as we drove to Milwaukee. I hated Milwaukee. But Chicago was not an option because it was sunny and Milwaukee would be overcast by time we arrived so everyone coming on protection detail with me could easily walk in to the hotel.

I flopped on to the couch in the Presidential Suite at the Hilton. It was just afternoon and we wouldn't be leaving for the airport till 8pm, till the sun set.

Rosalie handed me a backpack full of the few items I'd left at the house in the hub-bub of getting me away from Shizuka. The first thing I saw upon opening it was my necklace. The thick pendant that dad had given me on my birthday, it felt so demanding as if it was angry that I'd ever taken it off. And of course the very next item I pulled out was Akharad's necklace.

Jasper had found Akharad's daughter just before Alice had managed to coax me out of the house for the shopping trip in Portland. Andela was a college sophomore going to school in Oxford. She was currently taking some 'bereavement' time off from school. Jasper had the envelope all ready for the locket and had let me decide when to mail it off. But somehow whenever I found myself thinking about doing the last thing Akharad had asked of me I couldn't force myself to do it.

It was selfish of me to keep this family treasure from his daughter, to flout his last wishes. I couldn't help but think that once the locket was no longer near me, that once I no longer could look at it, somehow I would forget about all Akharad had been through. Clearly I was being a silly sentimental woman over it. The stupid beat up piece of jewelry kept the meaning of the sacrifices others had gone through at that camp. Andela would likely see something vastly different looking at it and I felt sick thinking on it. It wasn't fair that she would never, could never, know what had truly happened to her parents. I knew that pain and it was a bitter ache that never went away. But to add a missing precious family heirloom being sent anonymously back to her it would just add to her confusion and desperation. I couldn't fathom what mind fuckery I would have lived through if sometime after my mum had vanished I got a package in the mail with the hematite cross she always wore.

So I bypassed the locket again moving it aside so I could take out Kenji's meditation book.

As far as I could tell the guide was telling me that it sometimes took years to meditate on a deep level, and that trying each day was a step to achieving the inner wisdom and peace it told me I would have.

"-We are so close." I heard Alice bring it up again. Rose and I shared a bland look of annoyance for Alice's inability to be patient.

"You'll get to meet Toji at some point." Jasper assured his mate putting his large hands on her demure shoulders.

"I know I will," she grumped unsatisfied with his attempts to console her.

There was a pause where my eyes drifted back to the print in the book, it only took thirty seconds before she continued.

"It's just like when I saw visions of the family before I met them, I feel like I already know him-"

"-And you can't wait to talk his head off about the rococo fashion in France and if he would sell you any of the vintage gowns he has tucked away in Akita." Emmett interrupted. This conversation was on its third incarnation since we'd arrived.

"Or how he breeds vampire friendly Shiba Inu dogs," Carmen added cheekily.

I laughed, when Alice put her fists on her hips and pouted.

"I can see that I'll _meet_ him it's just the _when_ that I don't know," she grumbled and I knew that there was a temporary cease fire for Alice's frustration. She dramatically threw herself onto the couch opposite me, pulling Jasper down on top of her. My nose wrinkled in disgust when I felt a wave of lust from them.

Setting the book down after getting through a paragraph successfully I decided I deserved a break.

"We have five hours till our flight, we are stuck in Milwaukee is there something fun we can do?" I asked the room. Eleazar was standing by the hotel door in the other room doing an impression of a sculpture and not even trying to pretend to be human. Carmen was reading something on the little netbook she had brought with. Emmett had been plucking away at the banjo he brought and Rosalie had just been content sitting next to me and examining her nails.

"Well, there is an indoor skating place close by if you want to skate," Alice smiled brightly.

Grinning I nodded, then I remembered my skates were at the new house in Maine, or were they in the storage unit they kept in Cleveland? Alice must have seen the future shift and her bright smile slumped so she sagged back again.

"Toji-" she began sounding very much like a little kid who'd had their favorite toy smashed in front of them. And because I didn't like little children whining and I didn't like seeing Alice so upset I surprised the entire room with my next suggestion, cutting Alice off from her bringing up how she and Toji could likely rule the world or something.

"Let's go shopping." I warily suggested.

Emmett stopped plucking at his banjo while Alice lept up from the couch she made a loud thunking sound when she landed.

"Have I ever told you that I am glad you are my sister?" Alice asked sweetly while swinging her arms back and forth bashfully.

"Nope."

.~.

"I can't believe you just threw us under the bus like that." Emmett griped.

"Sorry brother dear I didn't want to spend the next possible-well- until she finally gets to meet Toji with her dwelling on it. Also throwing you under a bus is only likely to damage the bus and any clothes you were wearing. So she'd make you get new clothes anyway," I chided and poked Emmett. Jasper shoved my head forward playfully with his free hand. His other was currently holding the shopping bags.

We had been out for maybe an hour when I happened upon a homemade ice cream place and instantly Alice ushered me in. Claiming I needed to try the brownie batter ice cream. Alice had been trying to buy gifts for the Japanese coven, Toji especially.

"He collects memorabilia from different decades, he doesn't have a lot from America most things he has collected are from Europe," she explained once I sat down with my much too large dish of ice cream. Carmen and Eleazar were standing outside enjoying the cloudy day out among people. Emmett squeezed into the booth after me, his girth couldn't quite fit in the tiny space, Alice made a tiny squeek just after the vision. Emmett popped the screws holding the table in place out and moved the table three inches further away. Alice, Jasper and Rosalie tucked themselves in after the incident. I glumly slid the bowl of ice cream closer to me, giving Emmett an unsatisfied glare.

"I still don't think you should have gotten Shizuka anything." Rose shrewdly said playing with the straw on her soda she wouldn't be drinking.

"Yeah it's almost like you are saying, 'Hey its okay that you attacked my sister-"

"-Twice," Jasper interjected.

"Yeah twice, so here's a gift'," Emmett finished waving his palm in my direction.

Sighing I took another big bite. They hated when I talked with my mouth full.

"It's okay. Maybe I can rub it all over myself before we send it to her," I joked. Then I swallowed my bit of ice cream. I found Emmett trying in vain to suppress the guffaw while Alice, Jasper and Rose stared at me as if I suddenly changed genders.

Emmett lost it and laughed so loud it caused our table to vibrate violently, I protectively held tighter on to my bowl.

Rosalie recovered with an eye roll. Alice tenderly touched the spot on Jasper's arm where Shizuka had nearly managed to rip it clean off before had Kate zapped her into submission. Clearly Alice didn't approve of the manner Emmett and I were taking the gift giving which seemed so important to her.

Emmett and I continued to make light banter about me sending Shizuka things. Rose even grudgingly offered a suggestion of sending some raspberry scented candles. Jasper was trying to remain neutral to the stupidity of us laughing at the situation. But when I was smiling and enjoying myself just being stupid he couldn't bring himself to put a rain cloud over us.

It was a bad idea, to even _consider_ giving Shizuka anything of mine. Talk about adding more fuel to the fire. But the fact I could joke about it let me believe I was healing, or I was just avoiding dealing with the fact she was _actively_ trying to kill me. Edward would tell me it was the latter, and I would ignore him.

After my ice cream the boys went to go fetch the car while the four of us women went to go get something for us to wear at the funeral that would be held on Sunday. I briefly talked to Ren as we had been driving to Milwaukee and she had sounded rather beside herself with grief and because of my surviving Shizuka's attempt to eat me she was unbelievably worried.

Alice had been looking at knee length dark navy color dresses for Carmen while Rose put a nice black with white pin stripes elegant dress up to herself. Alice dropped the dress and Rosalie seeing this instantly grabbed Alice. I hadn't been watching them closely so I didn't know what happened but Carmen approached me gently taking the hanger I had been holding onto, to direct my attention to my sisters.

"We need to leave dear," Carmen said gently and I nodded. I put my selections back and followed where I saw Rosalie leading Alice. Out of the store Alice hailed cab. The clouds seemed to be getting darker, making the intensity of the moment catch up to me.

"Where are the boys?" I asked unsure of the problem.

"They-" Alice began and shot a look to the cabbie, explaining she couldn't say much. Rosalie however was texting someone, as was Carmen from the front seat.

We pulled up to the hotel and only once we were inside did they say anything more. They all looked scared. Carmen seemed to be a little confused and had instantly moved to the window to look out.

"Eva, sit," Alice commanded, I blinked at her blank tone and did as she said.

"Is it Shizuka?" I asked looking from Rosalie to Alice.

"No. Rosalie its okay that will be fine, Eleazar is on his way back. Go to him." Alice answered me, then some plan that Rose had been forming.

"Go to him?" I repeated, "Him? _Emmett_?" Fear and worry rippled through me. "Alice what happened to Emmett?" I asked as I stood up quickly. Rosalie had already left the hotel room. My hands were balling into fists and I tried to ignore the tightness of my scars brushing against my fingers as they curled inwards.

"Calm down. Emmett is fine. He's just _fine_." She shushed me and gently but very solidly pushed me back to the couch.

"Then-"

"He slipped." Alice said quietly looking to the floor.

Surprise didn't cover the wave of emotion that hit me.

"Are you sure?" I asked shortly.

It spoke volumes that Alice didn't look up when she answered.

"Yes, quite sure."

.~.

Emmett and Rosalie had just come back and the atmosphere of the room was thick with tense anxiety, Jasper tried to work through it enough to push some calming emotions to us. Rosalie had taken Emmett hunting in the woods far north of the city to help settle him before coming back into close quarters with me. Jasper had taken care of the body, and in my mind I saw that woman I'd murdered being thrown into the lake by Jasper.

Emmett stood there in front of the door, and I couldn't force myself to look at him. Not because I was angry or necessarily disappointed in him, but because his slip reminded me of my own failures. I _killed_ that woman, right in front of her own little girl and husband. Zhan ordered me to do it, but it was still _my_ hands that held the branch that killed her. Emmett was a vampire determined to go against his primal nature to murder, and he'd slipped. In a way I think his actions were a little more forgivable than my own.

"Hey," I choked out weakly slowly looking up in Emmett's direction without actually looking at him.

"Evangeline," he said pleadingly. He was gazing at me in an attempt to get me to look at him and unsure of what I should do I looked away again.

Honestly I didn't want to see him with red eyes. I couldn't handle that, not in my waking life. In my nightmares everyone in my family had red eyes and it caused smothering fear in me each time I saw it. To see it while I was awake might wound me in a way I wasn't ready for. Then again, I could never really accurately assume what I would feel at any given time these days. But he had the posture of an unsure man tautly worried how I would react to him.

Opening my mouth to console him I couldn't find my voice.

Emmett had just taken someone from the people that loved that person. He felt so far away from me and yet I felt closer to him because my own guilt for murdering somebody was so close to the surface.

So I had to decide what I was going to do about this. No one in the family had slipped since 1986, it had been Jasper.

"Evangeline I want to- I need to explain it to you." He moved to squat down in front of me so that I would be forced to look him in the eye. I didn't want to be childish and close my eyes, so when I found myself staring into Emmett's pair of bright golden yellow eyes I became mystified.

"I thought it took a week or two for the human blood to work its way out…" I trailed off taking stock of the others faces.

"It does," Jasper stated.

"I killed someone Eva." Emmett said with a serious tone. A tone I rarely, if ever, heard from him.

I nodded, already aware of that.

"Then why-"

"I didn't _feed_ off of them. I wouldn't let their blood enter my body."

"Just tell her Emmett," Alice said, filling in for Edward who was usually the one to cut straight to it.

"I killed Derek Golswiki." He stated unapologetically. We were still staring at each other, eyes locked.

Disbelief. Then confusion. Sadness fueled by anger came immediately after that. My emotions were rapid and swarming in a tiny spiral in me. I could see them on my face being openly reflected by Emmett's eyes.

I suddenly scoffed outwards while I shook my head to try and wrap my mind around it.

_Mr. Golswiki. _

He was _dead_? _Emmett_ had killed him? The very last I'd heard about him was he was still in prison.

Could it really have been _five_ years? _**Had**__ it been five years_? At his sentencing it hadn't seemed like enough to me, five years seemed like such a small price he had to pay for what had been done to me. Five years later and I felt so much older than twenty.

"Wha-why-how-" I didn't understand. And when a stray tear escaped from my eye I batted at it angrily. I _wasn't_ crying for him. I was angry that it may look like that, but really I was just too overwhelmed by it, by the _idea_.

"I'm **not** sorry Eva. We didn't know he'd be in the city and I would have never searched for him- Carlisle forbade us from looking for him-"

"Then why? How? Emmett just-" I abruptly cut myself off, the words not willing to help me articulate my thoughts. My face was scrunched up with pain and frustration. _Carlisle forbade them from looking for Mr. Golswiki._

"Does that mean you've wanted to harm him?" I asked this time looking to my other siblings. I caught Carmen biting her lower lip looking a bit like a stranger caught in the middle of a family fight.

"No." Alice said slowly.

"Yes." Jasper said at the same time as Alice.

"I thought you would want to decide what was to become of him when you changed." Rosalie said, Emmett hung his head slightly lowering his eyes from mine for the first time.

Then I remembered.

"He has two boys. He has Ben and Zach." I suddenly felt like I was lost in my own emotions.

Sure when I was pregnant and living with Sarah and Dana Fisher I had day-dreamed of someone killing him while he was in prison. Often I relished in the idea he was being raped by other men, I thought it was just the right punishment for him. Give him a taste of being powerless and afraid. Once the baby had been born and I moved into the independent living center I was determined not to dwell on Mr. Golswiki and his punishment. I shoved and buried all of the feelings of my rape and pregnancy away, it was the only way I could have gone onward, the only way I could have come to terms with how damn depressing my life was.

But Zach and Ben had _never_ done anything to me. It wasn't _their_ fault that their father had taken advantage of his power over a young teenage girl. Before Mr. Golswiki had shown me what kind of monster he was I had liked him well enough. He had been a little creepy sometimes, but he had been funny and during my short stay with them I could tell how much he _did_ care for his boys.

Mr. Golswiki had been punished for what he'd done to me. His family _had_ been punished. I hated him, I would always hate Mr. Golswiki but I couldn't find it in me to hate his boys.

"You _took_ him away from his sons," I whispered, surprising myself with the angry tone.

"He hurt you." Emmett defended stonily.

"He hurt me five years ago Emmett!" I challenged him, my voice rising. And I locked eyes with him again.

"It lasted a hell of a lot longer than that, don't lie to me Eva. You came to our house still broken. You only started to heal from what he did to you two years ago."

"He went to prison! He was punished Emmett," I shook my head again, this time tears were unexplainable. Why was I crying? Why was I so upset over this? He had hurt me, like Emmett said.

Emmett's jaw clenched and his gaze was turning angry.

"I don't understand I thought you'd be-"

"Don't you _dare_ say happy Emmett," I spat.

"Maybe not happy, but not taking it like _this_!" He gestured to me.

Rosalie came to crouch next to him and put a hand on his bicep.

"Emmett just give her moment." She said gently.

"Taking it like what? Like you _murdered_ someone?"

"It's what I do." Emmett said simply, "Eva in case you haven't noticed we're all vampires here. Just because I didn't want to drink him doesn't change the fact killing him gave me satisfaction. I'd do it again. Nobody hurts my little sister like that." He was dead serious. My heart simultaneously swelled with love for him and clenched with disgust.

This was getting out of hand. It was almost too much. The Volturi visiting a day ago. Billy's death, and then Shizuka's attack this morning. Then _this_? I didn't know what I wanted to say. Did he expect me to just be cool with it? The circumstances surrounding Emmett killing someone was what was giving me pause.

He'd killed my rapist because he'd cared about me. He wanted brotherly retribution. I could understand that I supposed. But to _kill _him? _Kill_? When Emmett had _so _many other ways to make Mr. Golswiki pay? Now, it wasn't Mr. Golswiki paying it was his sons, who I am sure had just gotten him back after five years in prison.

Had Emmett come back with red eyes from accidentally killing someone by feeding from them I _might_ have been able to accept it easier. I understood they were killers. Up until this point they'd tried to keep me at a distance from that part of their natures. I had seen what vampires killing looked like. So it didn't really scare me as much as it bothered me that they could _do_ it so easily. And the fact Emmett had killed Mr. Golswiki in the mind set it was revenge, was a very vampire thing. They were territorial; it must have killed Emmett, Jasper and Edward not to be able to act on that part of their natures on my behalf.

"I'm your big sister now Emmett." I mentioned, indicating my age, "What you've done today isn't as simple as you think. I-" I took a second to clear my throat, "I understand why you did it Emmett." I said sincerely, and for the first time Jasper moved from his spot near the T.V.

He gracefully sat next to me and used a sort of relaxing type of emotion on me and I instantly felt better. I hadn't realized how worked up I had become. My shoulders relaxed and I leaned back into the couch letting my head fall back over the head rest. Staring at the ceiling for a second I tried to organize my thoughts.

"You shouldn't have done it Emmett."

"Eva he thought that you would be glad the world was rid of him." Jasper offered in explanation. I am sure that it was the same line of thought Jasper must have had.

"Because Rose was okay with killing her rapists?" I looked to Jasper.

He didn't say anything, but Emmett did.

"I thought it could give you closure. And it wasn't just for you; I did it for this myself."

"Selfish Emmett. How utterly selfish of you." My tone was blank bordering on scolding. "I am _not_ Rose. **I** didn't need his death for closure on this. **I** wanted to be strong enough to overcome what he'd done to me. ** I** wanted to be able to look in the mirror and know **I** was better than him. Overcoming something like that is a _personal_ thing Emmett. My _only_ solace in his punishment was that he'd have to live a long life remembering _what_ he was and _who'd_ he had hurt in raping me." My tone was startlingly calm. Emmett suddenly seemed to understand as his eyebrows slowly inched upwards in what I guessed was shock.

"He was supposed to live a life of shame and guilt Emmett. A long life with **that** burden. **That** was the only kind of revenge that I felt could ever really happen."

"I didn't know that." Emmett admitted.

"Neither did I," I tilted my head slightly showing my own confusion. "It was only something I ever thought on in passing Emmett, as I didn't really ever want to think about him. But now he's dead, and I can't help but think that those reasons were the ones that let me move on two years ago."

The conversation died fairly soon after that as I excused myself to the bedroom and shut the double doors. I sat on the bed and felt a sort of odd dizzy feeling overcome me.

I didn't speak to Emmett or anyone, really, until we reached Seattle. Ren was waiting for me, and seeing the pain on her face from her resent loss sent me into an emotional tornado.

We stood there in the middle of the airport crying while hugging. Her short warm frame shaking against mine, as my tears fell into her hair. As we finished our little wet reunion I made a firm decision not to be angry over Mr. Golswiki's murder. He had never deserved any of my tears in life and he certainly didn't deserve them in death.

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AN: One last thing! To preemptively make up for my little trick I have posted a new album on Photobucket for the new characters being introduced. So go to www(dot)photobucket(dot)com(slash)panthalassa2 to see... drumroll... Zhan!

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	20. Shaken

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

**Panthalassa : High Tide**

**Chapter 20 - Shaken**

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It was perfect weather for a funeral. Rain was coming down in thick plump drops causing a sort of percussion like drum beat on all of the umbrellas and tin roofs of the small houses in La Push. The traditional way for a chief to be buried was to send him off in a ceremonial canoe and the body covered with furs, shells and feather ornaments. But Jake and his sisters were going to follow Billy's wishes with a slightly different method.

Billy had wanted to be cremated. So his remains sat in a fine clay ceremonial urn one of the tribe craftsmen had made.

Sue as the oldest of the living elders who now included Billy's younger sister Emmie, and her old brother in law Michael Clearwater, was the one to give the rites for the funeral. As it was in native Quileute I just focused on the others gathered around the intricately carved wood totem where Billy's ashes currently sat. Sue's voice was strong; although I could hear her waver with grief once in a while, the Quileute language was rather romantic in its own unique way. Emmie Black-Nearlake who had married a man from Makah tribe moved back to fulfill her duties now that she was divorced. Jakes cousins were in there mid twenties and looked like a distracted bunch. And the third elder was the soft-spoken Micheal Clearwater, I'd never seen the man before, but apparently he'd only moved back to La Push after retiring from his job in Montana as a ranch hand eight years ago.

Seth held my hand the entire time, mine was getting uncomfortably slick from sweat, but he held all the tighter when I tried to let go to wipe it off on my dress. Ren was standing next to her husband near the base of the totem.

Jake had never looked more regal, his back was straight his head held high, as if he was ready to accept a great charge, which in reality he was. Jake was to become the honorary chief today. He was to become one of the tribal elders. It made me uneasy when I realized I didn't know Jake well enough to know if he'd be able to handle it, or if he wanted to. I knew a lot about Jake as the funny shapeshifting wolf best friend. I knew Jake loved spicy things like I did. I even knew the smirk he would get when he wanted to laugh at something but knew it wasn't appropriate. Jake's wants and needs with regards to his tribe had never been brought to my attention.

I hung my head and pretended to become emotional over the service, when in reality I was overcome with self disappointment.

Why did it take all of these horrible things happening for me to realize how selfish I've been? Maybe not just during the last three years living with the Cullen's, maybe I had always been this selfish and not really realized it. There were several reasons that popped into my head as to why I was the way I was.

I hated people meddling in others business. And I took that to heart; I never really tried to help people because I thought I would be meddling in their affairs.

I had been an only child and never really understood what it was to give as well as receive emotionally in a relationship. It had been just me and my mum, my mum always gave me more love than I knew what to do with. When she'd vanished I was alone and very much aware of that specific lack of comfort.

How could I have lived near Jake for three years and not once asked him about his feelings about the tribe? Or even ask him what he was going to do in the future? It wasn't a valid excuse to say that I had been dealing with my own years of neglect. Because I was twenty now, nearly twenty-one and I knew that you had to take responsibility for all your actions as well as inactions. Otherwise my words to Emmett would have no meaning.

My family couldn't come to the ceremony, as most of La Push had shown up. The cold ones legend may have been known by most of the tribe, even if 89% of them didn't believe it, they had seen the Cullen's living in Forks twenty years ago so they couldn't show up in public in La Push again for at least another 80 years. Carmen and Eleazar were here however. Jake had been very emotional over the fact they would pay his father their respects.

Even though the Cullen's couldn't really be here, I could practically feel their eyes on the service from their hiding places in the woods.

From the totem we would all walk down to the beach where a canoe was waiting. Jake would hold a fine carved bow and a equally intricately decorated spear, while his sisters carried the jar with their fathers remains between them, leading the group to see their chief off. Jake would then place the items in the canoe with the ashes.

I was determined to stay as long as the wolves, and Ren. As it was considered an enormous show of respect if you stayed until the canoe could no longer be seen. The fact Seth had a warm arm wrapped around me had helped. But I was shaking with cold and I tried to keep my teeth from chattering while I watched Jake standing in the ocean, the water was up to his knees, his ceremonial garb was thoroughly soaked by the rain and ocean water. Ren stood resolutely next to him. Seth didn't seem to really be aware that I was still there because when I glanced up at him his eyes seemed distant and pained.

Was this how they had buried his father? Or was it only a tradition for the chief?

"Eva," a voice called to me. Turned I saw a light pink umbrella with Claire and Seth's little niece Audrey underneath. "We're going back to the community hall to begin the Potlatch, you should come, get out of the rain." Claire, so usually full of innocent charm had dark circles under her pretty dark brown eyes. Billy's death was really affecting the whole tribe.

_Oh Billy, do you know how loved you were?_ I asked taking a look back to the sea. I could spot the bright red of the canoe bobbing up and down in the waves. I let Seth know I was leaving; his response was to briefly and distractedly kiss me. The grief in his eyes gave me pause, but I wasn't a shape shifter or half vampire, there was no way I could stay outside with them during the rain storm.

.~.

Nahuel was as alluring as ever. Even with his aunt lurking near him I still felt like a nervous inexperienced school girl. Even though, I had never actually been that type of girl, it was Nahuel's beauty and raw sexuality that had me reverting to that type of girl.

The situation back in Forks was really strained. Ren was a wreck, but was doing her best to keep it together for her family. Alice was absolutely nervous about not being able to see clearly now that we were back. Kenji, Toji were going to meet us along with Kate, and Garrett in Alaska as soon as things were "settled" down here. Once Ichiro was in Wisconsin he and Tanya would guard Shizuka.

I didn't want to state the obvious fact to the family. Hadn't they thought about this sort of thing _before_? Surely the other Cullen's, the ones that had been around for a hundred years understood that eventually **all** of the people they'd become friends with would die? Jake had to have known it would happen.

"It's not just hard on Ness," Esme explained it to me during dinner the night after the funeral. "Bella and Jake have been best friends for a long time. Billy was very much like an uncle to Bella. To see how hard it's affecting her father as well as her own grief, Bella is trying to come to terms with a very difficult part of being a vampire, one she hasn't yet had to deal with."

"Death," I murmured, hanging my head over my peaches and yogurt. The food was always delicious when they made it for me, but because they were taking my need to gain weight seriously they were feeding me some ultra healthy meals, sometimes with such delicious entrees I couldn't help but eat it all.

Carlisle had been busy with Jasper and Alice since we'd all come back from La Push working on a method to kill off in a believable way, which was why I hadn't really seen much of them since arriving. But when Alice skipped into the room and plunked down next to me I became self conscious.

"Bella will be nearly ready to leave after Wednesday." She was chipper. The comfort of having clear visions as well as being sure Ren was safe had made the last month in Reedsburg seem like a vacation for her. Getting back to that situation was ideal, even if it would be much more emotionally difficult for at _least_ three members of our family.

"Then we go to Denali?" I asked.

Alice grimaced a bit.

"Toji called me an hour ago-"

"I bet that made your day." I slickly said.

She ignored it with a tiny head shake, "I wasn't sure about the date, but I've been seeing- well it's actually a rather-"

"Alice," I said sharply. She was avoiding telling me something and she knew I hated when people did that.

"There is a large earth quake in California sometime in the next two weeks."

"What?" Esme and I asked immediately. Esme added a 'Why haven't you told us before?'

Alice bit her lower lip.

"Toji gave me a more accurate time frame, as well as epicenter location. It'll be the biggest earthquake in the last 100 years. I had only told Jasper because, well, I hadn't really had the opportunity to tell everyone…"

Alice… there was always so much pressure on her to use her gift, sometimes I would even forget that the horrible things she sees must be really hard on her. I took her ability for granted, because I often thought she was using it to coerce me into doing something I didn't want. But the truth was she felt it was her responsibility to see, so she could protect those she loved. Alice had been forced to watch what Zhan was doing to me while there was nothing anyone could do to help me it, now she'd seen a horrific natural disaster.

"Did Toji say if there was a way to evacuate the area without arousing suspicion?" My mum was always so considerate.

"Well that is not exactly why he contacted me," Alice had that guilty look to her now. And I was back to being on edge.

"We are still working on a plan," Jasper suddenly blurred to stand behind Alice's chair, and then I saw Carlisle walking in at a more human pace to sit next to his wife.

Alice then broke the news that they were thinking of having me schedule a few shows down there for that week. When I understood where she was going with the idea I could feel my face drain of color.

"You want to put me in the _middle_ of a city we know will have a _huge_, **devastating** earth quake?" Breathlessly I asked.

"We'll be there too!" Alice quickly replied.

"You were planning this without my input?" I accused.

"Not exactly," Carlisle quickly defended; Alice snapped her mouth shut and tried not to look offended that I didn't like the plan.

Part of me was horrified that they would use this tragedy to kill off my alias. But this _wasn't_ something they could stop, not really. That vampire Benjamin might be able to do something if he was so inclined, but it was called a natural disaster for a reason. Also I was instantly saddened that Alice had to see these types of things and not really be able to do anything about it. They ate animals for a reason and seeing a future of thousands of people dying was a burden I would not wish on anyone, the least of which on my family.

I had taken to wearing cardigans and sweaters around so I could touch my family, and as I learned with Jasper I could fight the lights off, it **wasn't** easy, but I could do it. So I turned fully, with the thoughts in mind of how Alice was always trying to look out for the family despite some of the horrible things she had to look at to find safety, and wrapped my arms around her, giving her a full hug.

Esme gasped, and Alice made a little gurgle like squeak before gingerly hugging me back.

I pulled back the instant my eyes started to ache with the suppression of the lights.

Esme hand both of her hands covering her mouth in disbelief. Carlisle looked a little beside himself.

"Are you able to control the lights better?" Carlisle was elated.

"A bit, yeah," I smiled timidly glancing up at Jasper. We shared a smile and then Esme pulled my chair around, scraping it along the wooden floor with a grating sound. After turning me around she knelt in front of me. Hope was profoundly etched onto her face, and I knew what she wanted.

My smile faded and a sad frown formed as she opened her arms and slowly moved to embrace me. I had been holding back tears and the lights when she finally had her marble like arms around me.

There have been many moments in my life where it felt like time had stopped. A lot of those moments were preceded by sadness or trauma. Very few of them were crisp in my memory and the ones that were positive had been so long ago I doubted I remembered them accurately. But this moment was now one of them.

The war with myself was won before it could even be fought. The lights weakly folded away as I realized how much I really had _needed_ this. Just having Esme hold me let me live in the moment where no worries could dwell. I could only think about her strong and lovingly tender embrace. The cinnamon scent and soft caress of her hair against my face as I rested my head on her shoulder calmed a turbulent sea of emotion that had been running subtly throughout me since being kidnapped.

I clung to her harder as the moment went on. It felt like hours just holding onto her. With every breath in of her scent the desperation and lost feelings inside me subsided. Just like every problem I had when I had been a little girl and my mum would hug me like this when I was upset the other children didn't want to play, she would hold me and I would automatically feel better.

We pulled apart mostly because my back was hurting from the awkward leaning forward hug I was giving her.

Esme's smile was an exact replication of what my soul was doing.

"If I could bottle that and sell it there would be a never ending demand." Jasper softly spoke, and I chuckled lightly wiping the slight moisture from my eyes that had built up.

"Has anything changed to allow this control?" Carlisle asked curious and gesturing for me to stand.

I shrugged, "I think… yes."

Standing I grinned widely when he offered up his arms and I willingly stepped into them. Esme completely lost it at that point, crying loudly.

He smelled the same and his arms though just as firm as Esme's had a distinctly different feel to them. Carlisle kissed the top of my head, and I put a name to the difference, it was pride.

He was proud of me.

Soon it became a mini celebration of the little control I had managed to achieve. Alice got another hug, and Jasper even picked me up by the waist and spun me around. By time a sullen Bella, Edward, Ren and Jake came to the house. Jasper was playing his guitar while Carlisle was dancing me around the room, careful of how much skin to marble flesh contact we had.

I turned to Edward when I saw the looks on the others faces. Bella looked unsure and a little put off. Ren was concerned. And Jake had a sort of look between anger and frustration. He had a sort of sad smile on his handsome face.

"Life is too short not to dance when the mood strikes," I said as Carlisle dipped me. Jake's face softened slightly. When the rest of our guests, Rosalie and Emmett came back from what-ever task Carlisle had sent them off to do, it really became a celebration of life. At least it did to me. Sure it was silly, and rather inappropriate, but I wanted to dance with my family. So why the hell not?

.~.

"Josey you really don't need to come to San Francisco." I practically pleaded with her.

"_But I haven't seen you in a month! Now you are feeling up to some performances… It would be so nice to see you, besides I want to support you." _Josey said firmly.

I ground my teeth in frustration. She had been excited to try and book some small shows for me with tiny venues around California. I told her I wanted to spend time in San Diego, Fresno, and San Francisco doing a few concerts over the next two weeks. She thought my desire for smaller places was because it would be too stressful for me to sing to bigger audiences. She thought I would want some familiar support during this hard time, which included her flying out for my performances. I kept trying to tell myself that Josey was a kind thoughtful woman, but I knew better. Josey wanted to see how I was progressing in my treatments. Alice had done a fantastic job on my makeup the last time I had seen her, Branson and Greg. I was her meal ticket and she wanted to see how long she might be able to cash in on it.

My first set of concerts being put together rather last minute by her were going to start the next week and go till the end of the month. First city was San Francisco.

I wasn't entirely sold on the idea of going to the area that was ready to crumble and be destroyed by the huge earth quake. But once I accepted that this endeavor to kill of Alice was able to plot a little better.

Because I didn't want a huge crowd to be gathered to hear me sing only to have them killed Alice was going to find another popular band playing on the night the quake would hit and I would ask to sing a song or two with them. Somewhere in the audience would be all of my family and one of them would be recording the concert. Jasper said it would add credibility if there was video footage because any number of people in the bar could be killed during and after the quake to make a viable witness to my own demise.

I honestly didn't like that we were using _this_ moment to kill off my singing career. Not that I truly cared about it anymore, my career that was. I had made my mark on the world of music in a short time, and it was enough for me. Not to mention the fact I was really ready to just be done with it. It was just the fact that I would be right in the middle of such a horrible act of nature that I was certain there would be things I would see or feel that I would never be able to forget.

Seth and I were getting along alright, and I supposed it was a true sign of his maturity level that he wasn't making it awkward. Nahuel was having fun making me blush as much as he could. And the road trip down had been my idea but having Nahuel and Seth in the same car with me had turned out to be some sort of cruel joke. At the next gas stop I would demand Nahuel ride with Ren and Jake in their car.

"Josey, honestly please I don't want you to come. I-I need to do this on my own." I said with all the confidence I could muster. I absolutely did not want her to come as it could result in her death.

"_Oh Ann… I just, are you sure?_"

"Positive," I said instantly. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Nahuel in the back seat giving the ladies at the stop light a smoldering look. I took an M&M out of the bag in my lap and threw it at him. He caught it in his mouth at the same time the light turned green.

"_Alright, well I will let you know what venues I could get you in to. I contacted a couple of the event coordinators down there, there is a huge Internet Video Media convention going on and they have given me a couple really good leads. Also I contacted the manager for the band you said you wanted to go see, the-"_ I heard a couple clicks of her mouse and a shuffle of papers, "_Nixon, they said they would love it if you came by_."

Alice had seen the manager of the band Nixon nearly pee her pants when Josey called her to ask if I could come see their set on their Wednesday night performance next week. Nixon was a band who had been making a name for themselves out on the west coast but hadn't really become popular enough for large venues or much radio play. Alice had said they were in a perfect venue in part of town where the buildings were older and would likely collapse in the quake. Great. I was going to be singing with a band, to people that were all likely going to die. This whole idea was vastly more depressing now that I was going to do it.

My bland stare after her revelation had Alice rolling her eyes.

I hung up with Josey and looked to the cars behind us. There were a total of four cars heading down to California. Driving had been Alice's idea as she said the West coast would never be the same.

We stopped only to get gas and for me and the wolves to stretch our legs and Nahuel to move into the car with Ren and Jake. It gave Seth and I some privacy, something we hadn't had in a while.

"You and Nahuel seem to have developed a-" I paused for the word. It was one Edward used.

"Rapport?" Seth asked amused. I nodded and he laughed.

"He really likes it up here, with all of us. He wouldn't stop hitting on all the women on the Res.

Not even my mom."

"How'd Charlie take it?"

"Charlie didn't care; he thought Nahuel was a 'sweet kid' even though he knew Nahuel was almost a hundred years older than him."

"So you're friends now?"

"What?" Seth glanced at me. "We've always been at least companionable acquaintances. He kind of grew on me a lot while Ness was growing up."

I pulled a look on him.

"It didn't really feel that way when we were on tour in South America and he came to a concert."

Suddenly Seth looked guilty and uncomfortable with the conversation, and he dedicatedly focused on the road.

"Seth," I said with a warning tone.

"He knew how I felt about you. Ever since he came up and flirted with you unmercifully, he's been aware of my attraction towards you. Essentially, he was trying to bait me in to making a move."

I shook my head in agitation. Men, no matter their supernatural identity, it seemed, were still men.

We were silent a few miles. When I felt his warm hand take mine again.

I fell asleep with my head against the window and his hand on my lap holding my own. If Zhan hadn't existed Seth and I might have had a real shot. And I did mourn the fact I wasn't really sure we would ever have that relationship, I found I was comfortable with what we had now.

.~.

I was a nervous wreck. A shaking, sweating, stuttering wreck. The plan was going without a hitch, as Rosalie had told me just before she and Emmett went in to the Club Pluto in the bay area of San Francisco. I was currently in a van in the parking ramp across the street from the club where 'Nixon' was playing. Alice had put my wig on and the nice cream colored silk mask.

There had been mild quakes throughout the region over the last week. Three in total. Seismologists were predicting a larger one soon. But their soon was no match for Alice, now that the event was so close.

"9:22 Eva. Remember to stay calm. We'll take care of everything," Alice was rightly a little nervous too. She wasn't chipper about what was about to happen in roughly forty minutes. Everyone in the family was saddened by the upcoming event, well Huilen was happy she was actually going to get a full meal tonight as Carlisle had said there was no point to restrict her after the quake, but he had asked her to try to limit the feeding only to people who would likely die of their injuries. I doubt she'd care.

I wiped the sweat off my upper lip and took a long sip of the rum and coke Ren had made for me out of a two litter bottle of coke and some cheap rum.

Because everyone had wanted to be there for me, and I suspected they wanted to make sure it went off without a problem, Ren, Jake, Seth and Nahuel couldn't _actually_ be anywhere near the city, they were currently in a small city called Grass Valley sixty miles east of San Francisco, and close to a state park. The family would likely need to feed after such a horrible night.

I could practically feel the minutes ticking by and feel the Earth hum with sinister plans beneath my feet as Bella walked with me across the street.

Club Pluto was pretty decently packed. I took a long look around the street; a few people recognized me and asked if I really was . I signed a couple autographs distractedly as I peered upwards to the tall buildings surrounding us.

I went in just as one song was finishing, and I immediately spotted the members of my 'extraction team'.

Because I couldn't actually die and there would still need to be a body the last 18 hours Jasper, Edward, and Alice had been scouring the morgue's within a hundred miles to see if any young women had been brought in. And sure enough some young Jane Doe who couldn't be identified had been brought in to a local morgue late last night. They had to take the body right before the earth quake, drive across town steal the poor girl's body, and then dress her up in duplicates of my clothes. And when the majority of the building had collapsed as Alice had seen it would do only thirty seconds after the start of the quake, they would place the girl right where I had been on stage. The hard part was making sure no humans could see this happening. Alice assured us, rather morosely, that it was unlikely anyone on stage would survive, and everyone else would be too focused on trying to flee, or already buried under fallen debris to see.

Jasper was already in place behind stage to give me the proper emotional support I would need to sing to a crowd of people about to be killed.

The band's manager spotted me immediately and made me feel five thousand times worse about the way this evening was going to go. The band Nixon's manager was the drummer's wife, a woman who was definitely pregnant. I died I little inside as I plastered a pained smile on my face as she excitedly walked me towards the side of the stage. I tried to take solace in the fact she would be here tonight even if I hadn't decided to show up.

The crowd had just started to take notice of me even with some of them dancing and enjoying the band I could see some nudging their friends to look over at me. I locked eyes with Emmett briefly and made a subtle nod to the manager, hoping he'd understand to get her out of the building.

The band played my appearance as if I had decided to enjoy their concert, but asked me if I would sing a song or two with them. I gave an over the top laugh, possibly over compensating for my nerves.

They knew some of my songs and I knew only one of theirs. I climbed the stage and thanked them for letting me join them. The lead singer shook my hand and asked me if there was anything specific I'd like to sing. It took me all of one second, looking into his bright hopeful elated face full of energy and sweat for me to almost lose it. Jasper must have pushed hard on his ability to give me confidence and serenity.

The crowd went wild when I asked if the band knew "Let it Be," by the Beatles. Their keyboardist was awesome and I could tell that this band was a great group of friends, as they knew each other so completely they could tell how they wanted to play the song the instant the drummer started.

I sang the solemn song of hope as a sort of comfort to myself, as well as a sort of prayer to those out there that their suffering would be minimal.

Through the stage lights I could see Rosalie recording the whole thing; it was also part of the plan for the footage to be found among the wreckage. Carmen was recording from a different spot to give the first video credibility. My extraction crew was Emmett, Eleazar, Alice and Bella. Edward would be busy setting the body up and Jasper would be the first to protect me from the building falling on my head. Esme was going to help protect some of the crowd in the least conspicuous way she could. Carlisle was going to be helping people on the street with emergency medical aid. He was likely to be at it till just before sunrise. And it made me feel a little better that he could save a few people when all was said and done.

After two more songs, both of them my own I knew it was almost time. So the band suggested some Greenday song and just as we were about to start I felt it.

It wasn't immediately strong but just the tiny shaking that the other quakes had been this week. People held onto their drinks and when the shaking stopped, for a second I thought maybe Alice had been wrong. I _prayed_ that she had been wrong.

But she hadn't been. My lights suddenly flared with a sickly brightness that had me swaying as if drunk then it happened.

It was as instant as a switch being flipped on. The whole ground was seizing and undulating beneath my feet. And even though I had known this was going to happen and I could hear the screams of terror as I saw things from the ceiling fall on people, I fell in complete awe of its violence.

The raw power of the earth was not lost on me. Alice had said it would be the most damaging earth quake in over a hundred years, and I understood why.

The burning of the lights turned into a tingle as I was pulled by something hard back towards where the drum set was. Loud thunderous crashes were silencing out screams, whether by killing those it belonged to or by cutting them off from me so I couldn't hear. Jasper's peachy scent was pressed against my face, as he had pulled me flush with him. The violent shaking did not stop and I remembered Alice saying it would last a full 68 seconds. Then another quake would follow less than twenty minutes later and last roughly the same amount of time.

The lights went out and screaming was only drowned out by the thunderous noise of things crashing to earth. Whether they were buildings or other things I wasn't entirely sure. There was panic in me, and horror at what was going on and even having a family of vampires protecting me from the falling debris didn't help sooth me. The ground was pitching so violently the wood in the middle of the bar split open and crashed down again. Everything everywhere was being ripped apart by the turbulent earth.

"I've got you," Jasper whispered evenly into my ear and I only when I closed my mouth to swallow did I realize I had been screaming. I was whisked outside when Emmett and Eleazar had made a good barricade against falling things by becoming pillars to hold up parts of the building.

.~.

"-She's in shock." I heard Edward saying.

"We could slap her," Alice offered.

"What _is_ with you and always wanting to slap people out of their state?" Rosalie asked with an amused huff.

"It's just what they always do in the movies." I could hear the shrug in her voice.

I could hear them, but why couldn't I see them?

"You've been a bit out of it for the last twenty minutes," Edward spoke, and I wasn't sure where his voice was coming from but I turned my head towards it.

"We are in a collapsed abandoned building about fifteen miles outside of the city. Everything is- well everything is gone, broken, burning or-"

"I get it Alice," I stiffly said, my own voice sounded far away.

"Your lights got the best of you just before we got you out of the area." Edward said.

I didn't remember any of it. The last thing I remembered was Jasper starting to move us out of the falling building. I could hear sirens in the distance and I wondered how far away they were.

"Here," Rosalie's voice came from a similar area as Edward's. I felt someone take my hand and place a cylindrical object in it. I held onto it and I assumed it was Rose that helped guide it to my mouth. Cool water soothed the ache in my throat from screaming.

_Why can't I see_? I asked Edward, I had to double check to make sure I did actually have my eyes open, they were. Either I was blind or we were in total darkness.

"It is a little bit of both, you're gift may have done some temporary damage to your eyes, and it is actually pitch dark here. There are no street lamps and the rubble surrounding us blocks any other possible light."

"What's going on I thought we were heading to meet Ren and the boys?"

At least that had been the plan. Did something go wrong?

"Our part of getting you out and planting the body worked, they will recover the video evidence and the survivors from the club will attest to you being there-" Alice started.

"Did the manager get out? Did the pregnant woman make it?" Urgently I interrupted her.

"Emmett got her out, had to knock her out so she wouldn't see his movements, I looked her over briefly once we had gotten you out, she'll be just fine." Rosalie kindly informed me. Then she helped guide the water back for me to drink more.

"Twenty miles of coastline near Fresno was lost, the whole west coast is without power, and in about two minutes there will be a large tidal wave."

My stomach dropped and my heart went into my throat, I gripped the water bottle hard looking in the dark trying to see any of my sibling's faces.

"The vampires in the region have come to feed. When the news went out about the quake I saw hoards of vampires heading here. Huilen has already finished and is already with the wolves and the hybrids. Carlisle wants to stay as long as he can to help, but it is likely another vampire might try to harm him if he is viewed as a threat. So Emmett, Eleazar and Jasper are guarding him while he works. Esme, and Carmen are doing subtle work to help free people stuck in collapsed buildings. We are waiting here till they get back."

"What about Bella?" I instantly worried over the one name I hadn't heard.

I heard her laugh lightly somewhere behind me.

"I'm here Eva." I relaxed some and took another sip; my mind couldn't comprehend the amount of death going on in the region.

.~.

We were back in Forks everyone was watching the news. All of the couples neatly nestled together while I stood just at the edge of the room. Carmen and Bella had set up rechargeable lights and lit candles around the house for me. It was nearly 24 hours after the earth quakes, the first had been 8.6 and the second and been 9.2, the whole world had watched as the tidal wave took out coastal cities near California. Hawaii and other pacific islands had had plenty of warning and there were very few casualties there.

I honestly didn't want to hear about the numbers of casualties, it would horrify me further. Jasper had to remind me several times that this would have happened even if I hadn't been there to see it. As I kept watching the destruction and the frantic gathering of the able bodied to try and rescue loved ones it seemed too tragic.

And even during such a horrible time the family was still planning. Throughout the whole day the vampires had been coming and going. Huilen had been staying at Edward and Bella's old cabin to better be sure to avoid temptation from my scent. They had been helping set up one of their wind turbines in La Push to give the tribe some aide. Esme had emptied out most of the house of food, except what she knew I would eat.

I hadn't been part of much of the planning session except to give them my opinion on when I would be ready to go to Alaska. Kate and Garrett had gotten the place ready for me during the time we had been planning to kill off , they stored food and supplies for me. Alice had said I would be highly impressed with their haul. Tanya had been granted permission from the Japanese coven to stay in Japan with Ichiro while he baby sat Shizuka.

With all the talk and the missed chanced to get to Alaska, first with the Japanese coming to search for us, then Shizuka's second attack, it almost didn't seem like we were actually ever going to get there. But we were all anxious to get to Denali and regroup so that we could be ready for the full moon that was in nine days.

"We can leave early in the morning tomorrow, it'll be cloudy and we'll be far out of populated areas by time the sun is up." Alice announced.

"Why would the sun be an issue? You guys have tinted windows." I asked.

"The roads all up the coasts are in really bad shape. We could try to fly-"

"I like that idea best," I said instantly. I was not really gung-ho about riding on one of their backs for a thousand miles while they ran.

Alice smiled widely at me and winked, while Bella mouthed 'thank you' to me.

Later while I gathered the few things I would need for our stay in Alaska Edward had informed me that the boys had wanted to run, while most everyone else just wanted to get to Denali. Even if they didn't need rest, they did need some quiet time to come to terms with what had happened in the world, I could at least escape to the land of dreams. Not that my dreams were much of a break from my waking thoughts of horror, as I was still having horrifying dreams with Zhan and werewolves in them.

I didn't want to say goodbye to Seth, Jake, and Ren again. I hated the way it made me feel, because we didn't know exactly when it would be safe enough for us to see each other again. It was an unfortunate sacrifice we had to make to ensure the family was as safe as we could be.

"Text me often," Ren said earnestly after she finished hugging me.

"When there is signal you're phone will be lighting up," I promised.

Jake gave me a tender hug, "You take care of them Eva," he said after we pulled apart, nodding his head towards where Bella and Edward were hugging their daughter goodbye.

"On it Chief," I saluted him and he playfully shoved my shoulder, his eyes weren't as playful as his attitude might convey. He was still broken up about his father.

Charlie's goodbye to me would probably go down as the oddest by far of the day.

He handed me a box, his old wrinkled hands firm and his eyes resolute. My eyebrows rose, and I shook it slightly, it sounded like large heavy metal things.

"It won't help you with their kind," Charlie nodded to Carlisle as he came to stand next to me. I shifted the box again the metal things slid around. "But if Bella had been human going out of state I would have given her one of those."

Slowly I pried open the corner of the box and saw the shiny silver of a pistol.

"Charlie!" I exclaimed unbelieving. He had given me a _gun_. Of all the gifts, a gun? I was just as likely to injure myself than I was a vampire with it. I told him that, and Sue turned from saying goodbye to Alice smiling smartly at me.

"Werewolves are still flesh and bone from what I hear." She said.

_Thanks Sue_, I mentally scoffed, because her mentioning flesh and bone of werewolves had me thinking of Adam, and the werewolf Seth had decapitated _with his mouth._

Shortly after that, while Emmett did the checks on the plane for our flight, Seth took my hand and led me a little bit away from the others. We were almost done with goodbyes, and I knew Seth had been waiting till the plane's engines had started to say goodbye to me, in fact I had been thinking the same.

"Call often," he told me, while he took my face in his large hands and firmly planted a kiss on my lips. It wasn't a passionate kiss, but it felt like a simple one of need. I inhaled his earthy scent that always reminded me of a crisp autumn evening. And no matter what our futures held, whether we ended up together, his smell would always make me feel at home.

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AN: Long time no update huh? Not to worry I had a bit of writers block in addition to life things, but I am back on the wagon and writing like a fiend. I have updated the Panthalassa 2 photobucket. I have Kate and Carmen up right now. I will be uploading Tanya, Garrett and Philippe sometime this week, before a new chapter update. I am also working on the High Tide soundtrack playlist. It will probably be up next week with a link in my profile.

Reviews are greatly appreciated!

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	21. Indecent Proposal

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

**Panthalassa : High Tide**

**Chapter 21 - Indecent Proposal**

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"He brought home this completely terrified lemur, the thing had to have been going out of its mind with fright," Kenji continued his story while I ate my lunch. The last few days in the Denali home had taken some getting used to for me. Tanya's house was the only one that had a working kitchen, and my family had left me to use her master bedroom for my own. The thing was as big as a normal sized gas station; the bed was even on its own sort of platform. It looked so gaudy yet so romantic at the same time with its heavy blood red drapery hanging off the four posts which could be drawn for privacy.

The Denali's had built their houses, three of them, roughly a quarter mile away from one another, with Tanya's on the furthest side slightly closer to the road. I had yet to see Eleazar, Carmen, Kate or Garrets houses. But just being in Tanya's house had me realizing she loved the finer things in life. Silk was rampant in the place. I could tell Esme had tried and failed at one point to get Tanya to change her décor, as it looked like it was stuck in some sort of plush 1760's lace and silk loop. Most of the family was taking turns staying with me at her house, as no one wanted to leave me alone, understandably, but they also wanted some private time with their mates.

"I named him Jim," Toji said evenly.

"Jim-" Kenji sighed dramatically, "Was a gift for Ichiro's third birthday-"

"It was a pet," Toji defended a silly whimiscle smile creeping onto his face. Alice sat at a chair adjacent to her new favorite person, her chin in her hands as she listened to the story.

"It was a snack," Kenji corrected.

Emmett laughed loudly, while Esme gasped sadly. She had a fondness for small mammals with big ears.

"Ever since then Ichiro can't look at a lemur without feeling guilty and thirsty at the same time." Kenji ran a hand through his hair and sat back, my eyes catching his briefly.

"I have a similar thing with bears," Emmett said

"You're thing with bears is just male bravado," Alice said quickly. "Tell us the one with the dodos." She added.

Toji, for the most part was a more typical red eye than Kenji or Ichiro seemed to be. He didn't have any human like ticks or idiosyncrasies. He did however managed to not set me completely on edge as his facial expressions changed just as often as a human, so he was pretty animated from the neck up.

"Summer or 1543 I had a pre-vision of the dodos becoming extinct, I knew I had that vision at that time so that I could do something about it-"

"Tell it right, for god sakes Toji," Kenji snapped good naturedly, his smile cocky and bright. I found myself grinning at their interaction.

"I was in Australia, long before the white man arrived, and knew those poor dumb birds were going to become extinct within a couple centuries. So I built a boat and crates and went hunting for them."

"Five months, he was rounding up the idiotic birds for _five months_. Kaneyasu and I met up with him right in the middle of this-that endeavor, you slapped Kaneyasu when he even looked into the cages you had set up."

"He was going to ask to eat them, besides they were frightened of him, two even died after you left." Toji defended.

"You slapped him?"Alice chuckled behind her hand.

"He slapped Kaneyasu _frequently_." Kenji's deep voice was full of mirth.

"Anyway I kept them on Okinawa as Akita is far too cold for them. I spent so much time minding because I knew they were needed for some reason. Okinawa is far too sunny so it was hard to manage the birds.

"One sunny day I was sitting inside my hut I had taken residence, roughly a mile away from my pets when one of the dumb beasts managed to escape and was wandering along the edge of the village.

"Don't forget the dog," Kenji added.

Toji gave his companion an annoyed look, again without moving the rest of his body.

"The dog comes later. The villagers seemed to think my shack was haunted and usually stayed away. So I knew I could go under the cover of the trees to get the dodo. I got about twenty feet away when I had to hide. Now my visions are always going, sometimes they show things about to happen near me or things going on far away that I should take note of or things that might affect me later. So I had this new vision come through of a ship coming to the island in a couple days full of sick humans. It had nothing to do with the dodo, but the dog." Toji sighed sadly now.

I was not even close to following what he was talking about, but Alice was smiling ear to ear, and the others were grinning too.

"The village had a dog that was owned by their chief. The thing was smart and seemed to know when I was around. So I had gone down, after this dodo, hoping no human would see me. When the dog came out of a hut and started barking at me in the trees. The dodo completely terrified of me and the dog kept doing an odd zigzag back and forth from the village and the trees where I was. The dog finally stopped paying attention to me and went for the dodo. It was one of the females and I could let the dog kill her so I threw a rock at the thing." He closed his eyes and frowned.

"I threw it so hard it went through the dog and hit the dodo in the head. Of course my visions were telling me this wasn't a bad thing when I was saddened by my birds death. The dog, was wounded and ended up back at his masters home. He lived."

"Here is where it gets depressing," Toji gave me a serious nod. "There was an offshore earth quake and the ship that came in from another island had the survivors hoping to find aid on Okinawa. They had very little food to aid the survivors. Except that damn smart dog knew where I kept my dodo's and he led his master to my hutch, middle of the day I might add. And they feasted on my birds. They never even knew _what_ they were eating!"

Emmett chuckled loudly.

"A feast of dodo's?" Rosalie was amused.

"I think I am missing something," I admitted.

Toji's smile faded slightly.

"He had worked so hard to gather the birds and bring them to Okinawa just so a bunch of villagers didn't starve to death." Kenji explained kindly.

"I thought I was saving them so they wouldn't become extinct."

"So did I…" Toji frowned.

He continued to tell of the misbegotten tale of him trying to save the dodo's on many occasions. His visions would always tell him how to do it, but eventually there was always another secret hidden reason for him saving the birds, most of them involved the birds becoming food to save some other life. But he'd managed to save them.

"You have _actual_ dodo's in Japan? Right now?" I asked, awed. My lunch was mostly forgotten at this point.

"Actually because of their inherent lack of self preservation they tend to make great pets for vampires." Toji said proudly, Kenji sucked in his bottom lip and looked like he was trying not to laugh.

.~.

There was a shift with my relationships in the house. And I was old enough now to realize what it was. I was growing older, I was maturing. I still loved all of my family, but I had been treating Emmett slightly different. He tried not to act hurt around me but I knew he was. And it sucked that of all the thoughts I could have gone to; being tortured by Zhan, the Volturi, and even leaving Seth again, that my anger at Emmett over killing Mr. Golswiki was easiest for me to think about without getting overly emotional.

I was reverting back to my old habits of staying in my room, like I had when I first arrived in the Cullen home. If it wasn't a healthy thing to be doing no one ever said anything to me about it, well almost no one.

"Would you like to go for a walk?" Kenji asked early one evening. I had been in my room texting Ren back and forth; I didn't like talking on the phone when it could be avoided, that way the conversation could be kept private from the rest of the family. Pouting slightly I tried to think of a valid reason not to take Kenji up on his offer.

It had only taken me three days around Kenji to realize exactly what it was I was feeling around him. I was _interested_ in him. Maybe not romantically, I couldn't really be sure because the idea of kissing a vampire was a little repulsive even if Kenji has the most kissable looking lips. He was hard to say 'No' to. But he had the same calm reassuring attitude that reminded me of Carlisle, and the fun casual playfulness in his eyes that Emmett had. It was a fascinating combination. It helped that he was unbearably handsome.

"I'm not a pet you know, you don't have to take me outside to piddle," I huffed back a little playfully. His eyebrows rose and he casually leaned against Tanya's door frame.

"You've been cooped in the house for a few days; everyone else has had a chance to enjoy the wilderness. And as _I_ am the only vampire here that can touch you without you having to force your ability down, I figured we could take a hike so you might be able to enjoy the sights."

We'd tested it, Toji set me off almost as bad as Shizuka had, even though he claimed I didn't make him anymore thirsty than any other human.

_He is too smooth_, I thought, narrowing my eyes at him. Getting outdoors would be nice, as I hadn't really ventured outside since getting here. Depression over the countless lives lost in California had kept me from really being able to enjoy much. Add to that I was still depressed over Billy's death, my inability to do anything but wait, and my separation from Seth it would actually take a very well thought out proposal to get me out of the house. Alice… I angrily thought, knowing she likely had something to do with it.

I took a light fall jacket and a camera at Ren's suggestion so that I'd have memories of the good things for when I was changed.

The way he gently and carefully lifted me onto his back reminded me of the way one of my family might carry me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and held on tightly as he ran through the warm sunlight in the open valley the Denali's had their houses.

I sighed contentedly and reflexively when the comforting smell of fresh baked bread and cookies swirled around me. Kenji had such a simple yet reassuring smell I had to stop myself from putting my nose close to his collar bone to take in a concentrated dose.

.~.

The rule was not to look around too much while being carried by a vampire; it would always make me dizzy. So that forced me to stare at the crook of his neck. He was wearing a button up brown and tan stripped shirt and over that brown pull over fleece sweater, with some deep green slacks. I'd never seen him wearing anything but the most impeccable clothes, and wondered who among the Japanese the fashion police was.

We stopped on a ridge after running through the forest and halfway up the mountain. We would have a great view of the sunset in an hour or so.

I took a long moment gaining my balance, enjoying the breeze and the view.

"How far are we away from the houses?" I asked.

Kenji had taken a few steps away, towards the edge of the ridge. I stiffened unwilling to get closer. Turning back he smiled at me.

"A little over ten miles."

I whistled at that, trying to see if I could spot the houses in the distant valley below.

"The houses are more in that," he pointed further south, "direction."

Finding a safe spot some twenty feet away from the edge I took out my camera and took a picture of Kenji standing in the sun. He even posed for me jutting out his jaw and pushing his shoulders back.

"How is the hunt for Wei?" I asked trying to scratch off something stuck to the edge of the camera.

He sighed loudly and was instantly next to me.

"You know as much as we do. Shizuka was our main source to finding out information-"I made to say I was sorry about her being guarded and prevented from watching Wei but Kenji talked over my attempt, "But even with her out there we weren't getting anywhere."

Giving him a challenging look I decided to sit on a rock jutting out of the ground.

"I suppose… I am just going to have to bite the bullet and take the fight to them, before any more damage can be done."

"Bite the bullet? So you've been putting it off- killing them I mean?"

Briefly our eyes met before he ran a hand through his black hair and the stroked his chin, running a thumb along the short beard there.

"It will be dangerous. I have been hesitant to act against them for a few years, since we found out what they were doing."

Indignation rose in me.

"Why?" I asked tightly. If he _had_ attacked Zhan and Wei maybe I wouldn't have been kidnapped, or Jun Yue, or Akrahard, or the woman I'd murdered. I stomped out my building anger at him, because honestly it _wasn't_ his fault. It was Zhan's. And I was glad I got control of my emotions because what he admitted to me next had taken me by surprise and I was ashamed.

"Why would _I_ be hesitant to go into battle against the two of them? With an army of newborns and werewolves at their disposal? Evangeline, I am a vampire, a man, and a father. I have principals and the senseless and violent deaths those two are causing wounds my soul. But if _I_ were to fight them Ichiro, and Shizuka would follow me-" His golden eyes looked imploringly at me. And I saw it there… a reflection of pain I'd seen in my dad's eyes when he'd been in Volterra. "I am prepared to die, but the thought of either of them being…being harmed it…" He trailed off and took a long breath in.

"You love them," I stated factually. Not that it surprised me; he didn't really strike me as the kind of man, or vampire, to take a situation like this lightly.

He nodded and came to lean against my rock. With the air of someone deep in thought he crossed his arms and folded his hand to rest his chin on it. I watched him, wondering where the conversation was going to go from here.

"I feel their existence and the result of their actions is my fault," guilt laced his soft words.

We were sitting in a position next to one another he was sitting in a way where his shoulders were at my head level, so I had to look up to meet his gaze. But he was staring at the ground, a troubled frown on his beautiful face.

"Do you think _I_ should blame you?" I asked turning back to look at my lap, turning my hands in my over to look at the scars there.

"I wouldn't fault you, if you did."

"Well," I took a long breath in and peeled my eyes away from looking at my palms and to look at the beautiful Alaskan landscape. "You didn't change _either_ Wei or Zhan. And you have been hurt by their actions; they killed your friend-creator didn't they?"

"Zhan hadn't been born yet. But yes Wei had wanted revenge so… It doesn't make my cowardice any less of a crime."

A sad smile slid onto my face.

"It's not a crime to… to want to protect your loved ones." And maybe that's what Kenji and I had in common, in a way. I wanted to be changed so that I could fight Zhan before more people, including my family, got hurt I didn't want to wait. It was breaking me slowly, thinking of how vulnerable it left me, and if I had an ability it would likely keep my family safe. Kenji wanted to fight Zhan and Wei but was holding back because his loved ones would want to fight with him. The same could be said of my family, they would want to fight if I was on the battle field. Hell, Emmett was training with Kenji, Garrett and Jasper daily. He was pumped and ready to kill some newborns and filthy werewolves.

"You truly love them enough to be willing to become one of us?"

"I love them enough to be willing to protect them anyway I can." Thinking about it I felt a lump in my throat. "They are the only… family I have, or will _ever_ have. I was so alone for so long Kenji; I became used to not being loved, _or_ cared for. There are times I remember not speaking for weeks because there was no point, there was no one that wanted to hear me speak. I can't _let_ them get hurt. It would… I don't know what I would do. They _saved_ me. They made me _better_," I hung my head slightly, feeling the beginning tingle of tears.

"I want to be changed." I finished quickly and clearly. Talking about what the Cullen's meant to me would likely put me on an emotional roller coaster.

"You were an orphan?"

I nodded. It felt nice to let him get to know me. It was like we were actually building a friendship.

There was a brief silence, and I wondered what he was thinking about so I glanced in his direction as I sat up, my emotions were coming back under check.

He still had a thoughtful pensive look, a small frown tilting his mouth. He wasn't looking at me, but rather the view.

"I have a proposal for you Evangeline, a sort of trade if you will. I am unsure how to phrase it, and have been told by your family, and have observed that you prefer a direct route. However," he took a bracing breath in as I turned fully towards him. Kenji was talking a trade? "This is a highly delicate and personal matter that which directness may be interpreted incorrectly."

Kenji's smooth deep voice drove the words home and I nodded again, encouraging him to continue. When he turned to look at me he slowly dropped to the spot next to me, I had to slide slightly on the rock to make room for him. My heart sped up in anticipation of his proposed trade.

"Am I correct in assuming that if your family was free from the pressures of the Volturi that you would be willing to be changed now?"

"Yes," I said. I was not convincing as my voice wavered slightly.

"You are making progress in overcoming much of the turmoil I saw when I first met you over a month ago. But I sense that… the stress of being so vulnerable and potentially useful to your family as a vampire is giving you stress?"

Snorting slightly I rolled my eyes at him.

"You read me like a book."

That earned me a half smile.

"I do like to read…" his smile widened.

Another pause in the conversation and I gave him an encouraging expression.

"We may be able to come to some sort of arrangement. And I don't want this proposal to alienate you. It is merely a way for me to offer us both something we desire."

My expression turned confused. What could I _possibly_ offer Kenji in exchange of being changed? _Could_ he even change me? Like vampire legally? I knew he was the leader of the Japanese Empire and the Volturi had no say on his actions as long as he kept his existence secret from humans, but could he go over their orders?

"You wish to be changed. As the leader of the Japanese coven I can adopt you into our ruling class. Something the other Japanese coven members would not like, _but_ if you were to be a vegetarian or abide by our laws of feeding they will have to accept my decision. But in exchange," His whole expression and voice turned heavy and serious. "I would ask that you bear me something that I have yearned for, for many centuries."

Warning bells went off in my ears, as if my subconscious knew what I was about to hear him ask of me. But I couldn't actually put the pieces together.

"I would ask that you bear me a child."

.~.

We sat there, staring at one another for a long while. I was sure it had been at _least_ ten minutes since he'd asked me to HAVE A CHILD with him. First I thought he was joking, then I thought it was cruel, then I was embarrassed, then I was intrigued, and I had worked through confused, overwhelmed, and was now sitting in a contemplative frame of mind.

Kenji was kindly and patiently waiting for me to respond. His words had long since floated away in the wind only leaving with me with a memory of him seriously asking me to give him a baby.

Correction, to _have_ a baby with him… _for_ him?

Why did he want a child so much? He had Ichiro. Or was Ichiro not his? Did he want a daughter? Why did he ask _me_? He could have easily just taken some random woman and had a child with her.

And as soon as I finished that thought I understood why he hadn't.

Kenji respected human life far _too_ much to do that to a woman. And he couldn't tell a woman what he wanted and propose the same thing to her, like he was proposing to me, because it would violate the law of keeping humans out of the loop.

Then I started wondering why I hadn't thought about having a hybrid child, _ever_. Ren was absolutely the kind of child I _could_ stand. She had been so intelligent as an infant and the majority of the childish behaviors I hated she hadn't really ever exhibited. I was a human female. I was human and female. Surely if I was going to give anybody a child it would be Rose. She had always wanted one. Then I thought of the mechanics of that and I cringed. This action alarmed Kenji.

"Are you repulsed at the idea?" He sounded wounded.

I opened my mouth to correct him, but a vision of me swollen with a baby; like I had been five years ago had me snapping my mouth shut.

Was becoming a vampire, to save my family worth going through _that_ again?

There were too many thoughts rapidly attacking my mind for consideration. Hanging my head I rested it in my cupped hands.

"I was just thinking of… why I hadn't thought of having a hybrid yet… I mean my sister Rosalie has always wanted a baby. But I never-then I thought about how that would-youknow-work." Kenji made a noise and I recognized it as him holding back an amused laugh.

"Incest?" he asked with a small bit of humor. I pivoted my head slightly to glare at him then went back to looking at the ground.

A baby.

Kenji wanted a baby.

"Why?" I asked finally.

"Why what?"

"Why everything Kenji? A baby? With me?" I could hear the accent dusting itself off as my voice grew louder.

"I have very few memories of my human life, would you look at me Evangeline?" He said bitterly, "It is rude not to look at someone when they are talking to you."

Slowly I obliged him. My mouth was firmly set into a pout, while inside my head I was being beaten with a rainbow of thoughts and questions. Holding all of them back was putting tremendous strain on me.

"The memories I have of my human life all involve my children. I had two daughters and a son when I was changed. Kaneyasu warned me of my newborn thirst, and I did not to return home to them. I waited five years before seeking them out. My eldest daughter had died sometime during that time. A few years later both my other children died. Leaving me with a feeling that… even in this life, like I could not care for them Evangeline. And I don't know how best to convey to you my love of them. My love of _any_ child. There is no greater feeling than being a father. I love Ichiro and finding him was a blessing, but he is not my _biological_ child." His golden eyes were tender and earnest.

"Since his birth I have wondered if I would ever find a human woman that might grant me the blessing of a child of my own."

He was blowing my mind with all this wanting to be a father stuff. I held up my left hand to have him halt, he hadn't even gotten to the 'why me' part of this and I was pretty sure where this was going.

"I think you're crazy, first of all, to even _think_ that this is a good trade." I was on auto pilot, and my indignation took over. "You are asking me to bear you a _child_, that will rapidly grow inside my frail _human_ body, rip its way out-" he opened his mouth to interrupt but I kept going, "**out** of my body, then you'd would change me and I would have to suffer _three_ days of burning. It sounds like a month of _literally_ hard labor."

After I took a breath and leveled him with a challenging stare his expression softened slightly. Calmly he explained about what his ability could do there. He would make a scalpel for Carlisle from vampire teeth, much like the sword he'd brought with him this time. I'd only seen the sword just after getting to Alaska before all of the vampires wanted to go off and practice with it. The result was enough firewood for the _entire_ population of Anchorage for a good long winter.

The scalpel would be able to easily cut through the vampire-skin like placenta. Kenji also told me that with Edwards stories of being able to hear Ren days before she was 'born' let Kenji believe that as soon as Edward heard anything from the fetus it would be time to give me a c-section.

He had really thought this all well out. I couldn't actually blame him though. He had centuries to think on this, and he had a perfect opportunity with me. And what else was he to plan on over his mate-less centuries than to plan on an eventual child to raise and love?

It was completely like an out of body experience. Kenji talked about the plan for me to bear him a child, how it would work, and I just floated above my own body watching my blank, pale face stare back at him.

This was _preposterous_. The whole idea. Firstly having a baby-been there, done that, no thank you.

Secondly, ew. Bella had been in love with Edward so I could see her _wanting_ to do the horizontal tango with him. But their bodies were **hard** and **frigid**, my woman parts constricted at the very thought of something cold going in there, then again I wasn't entirely sure Kenji was thinking the baby would be made the traditional way. Certainly with three doctors in my family, _if I wanted to do this_, they could find an alternative.

"Kenji, you just told me that you have been putting off going after Zhan and Wei because of Ichiro and Shizuka. It doesn't seem like a good idea to bring a baby into all of this."

He was ready with an answer and he rolled his shoulders slightly as if he knew I would mention that.

"If I were to die, if _we_ were to die, I would want a small piece of me to live on. A small piece of you."

I closed my eyes tightly, trying hard not to dig up the buried emotions of the baby that was now five years old.

"But its _parents_ would be dead. Who would raise it then?"

"It would greatly depend on who is left, if anyone. But for the battle I would hope that Renessmee would be willing to care for the baby."

She would too. Ren would totally go ga-ga over another hybrid. The pack would protect it too.

Even though I was still completely shocked by his proposal, I could see the good parts to this plan. I would _finally_ be a vampire, and with some kick ass ability too. The Volturi would have no say in the matter, and likely if I was powerful enough they wouldn't dare threaten my family into joining their guard.

But I would be a mum, to a baby that I wouldn't _necessarily_ want to give away.

I really had to think about his offer before I told him to go eat a rock. So we sat there, again in near silence, for a _long_ while. We both were watching the sun slowly close in on the horizon. I was thinking a million things due to his offer.

But one thought stood out among many. It was one that had me nearing tears, and the feeling folded into itself and brought up other painful thoughts.

Kenji was just another person that wanted to _use_ me.

Like my family had.

Like Mr. Golswiki had.

And right then, just as the sun merged with the edge of the land, I desperately missed Seth.

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AN: Garrett and Eleazar are up on the Photobucket. Also if you are a fan of Hunger Games please check out my new fan fic "A Place Where Darkness Can't Reach" As always reviews make me happy!

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	22. Planned Parenthood

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

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**Panthalassa : High Tide**

**Chapter 22 - Planned Parenthood**

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"Would you like to head back?" he asked, after roughly twenty minutes where I just sat there, missing Seth, missing Ren, and really overwhelmed by the proposal Kenji'd offered.

"Are you crazy?" I asked instinctively, giving him a baleful look. "**Edward** is back there, he'll know…" and as soon as the words were out of my mouth my stomach dropped.

Edward _would_ know. He would _know_ that I hadn't just outright rejected Kenji's offer. He would know my feelings on this, and he _might_ tell the family about it.

"Oh god…" I moaned and roughly ran my hands through my hair.

"You think that Edward will prove to be problematic in your decision making process?"

"No. I _think_ he could either be _supportive_ or be the **pain in the ass** that would make me thinking this offer over seriously very hard." I exasperatedly sighed. Standing I paced slightly, bringing my hand to cover my mouth and chin while I thought on this additional problem.

Kenji smirked and I gave him a dirty glare before continuing my pacing.

"Tell me again, _why_ this is something I should-" abruptly I stopped talking and shook my head.

_Was I seriously going to consider this?_ Logically I knew it was a decent deal, I would be changed, and able to fight. _That_ was something I had promised myself, when and if the opportunity to change my own future, to be in control of it came around, I wouldn't let it pass me by. And here it was. But I _didn't_ expect it to be in the form of offering up my body, _and_ genetic material to get what I wanted.

"Evangeline I cannot tell you what to do, but please ask me anything you wish, it may help you come to a decision."

Why was he so smooth?

Clearing my throat I decided the first thing was to make a list of my objections in my head then figure out if it was just me being stubborn or if they objections were valid. Because I knew as soon as we got back to Tanya's house Edward would be on me. He might not tell the family about the offer, but he would certainly have an opinion on it.

The thought occurred to me about how Kenji had likely thought about this whole baby swapped for vampirism around Edward. So I asked him. His response was casual.

"My native tongue has not been spoken in the dialect I think in for over eight hundred years. I highly doubt he understands anything I think on."

I continued pacing and taking turns from running my hands through my hair and cupping my chin.

So, objection one, Kenji was crazy. That was _probably_ a fact, but _more likely_ it was just my opinion.

Objection two, it was my body. I _didn't_ want children. I doubt even if I was in love with Kenji I would want to let my body go through _that_ process again. And unsettling ill feeling surged in me, making my sway on my feet.

The last days of my pregnancy had been horrible, and I had felt more loathing for that little thing inside of me than I ought to have. Those feelings of loathing, could they come back if I went through with Kenji's offer? I guessed they would reemerge, but only because of the similar situation my body was in. I had hated that baby because of what it represented, and what the other half of its DNA was made from. _This_ baby would be different. So this objection was valid, but had a lot of personal baggage helping to make it valid.

Moving on, objection three… my family. Would they understand if I wanted to go through with this? Would they hate me? Try to talk me out of it?

God what would it do to Rose? I didn't want to hurt her, and the thought that I would have _or could_ have made the offer to give her a little baby might really upset her.

But, I hated feeling so weak. I hated worrying about the war with Zhan, about Shizuka coming to kill me. I hated being afraid of what the Volturi would do to my family. Of course I was assuming that they wouldn't have a vampire law leg to stand on once I'd been changed. Aro had said I was to be changed in Volterra. But if I was a member of the Japanese coven, Aro had no say when I would be changed, and by whom. Then what would he do to my family? Would Kenji be able to protect them under his autonomous rule? These were definitely things I would have to ask. But back to my objection, what would I do about them?

I already knew they would support me if this turned out to be something I _**really**_ wanted to do. But that was only if I **wanted** to do it. They would try to get me to change my mind or influence my decision. Ultimately they would support me, I knew it.

Objection four, the mechanics of making a baby. Again my lady bits clenched at the thought. Pretending the other objections weren't there and I was on board with this trade, how would I _ever_ be _okay_ with having sex with a vampire when I had feelings for Seth?

So no, my fourth objection would be Seth. He might love me, but I doubt he would ever allow this sort of thing to happen. And it ached inside my heart thinking about it and how this offer, an offer I wasn't completely rejecting, would affect Seth. I was really selfish for having not thought of him before. Or maybe overwhelmed.

"Kenji, I…" I turned to face him, remembering what he'd told me about looking at someone when you were talking to them. "I don't know. This trade, it…" Shifting uneasily I struggled to put into words the worries.

There was a tiny little voice that was telling me I couldn't wait roughly two more years like this.

"Evangeline, if this works you wouldn't have to be changed immediately after the child is born."

I nodded, realizing he thought that was the reason for my hesitancy.

I closed my eyes tightly and thought about it.

Akharad's stormy brown eyes haunted me, quickly followed by the mangled corpse of my own father. Bitterly I swallowed and forced the sobs away.

So many people were dead, not just from the recent earth quake, but so many people I knew were dead because of this supernatural world. Many of my family's friends had been needlessly killed because of Zhan and Wei.

This opportunity, to become a vampire,_ to do something_, could I really turn my back on it? When this is exactly the kind of thing that would give me what I wanted?

.~.

Kenji set me down on the porch and I could see others mingling through the front window. I nodded to him and hugged his fleece sweater tighter he'd let me wear as it got colder around myself while he gave me a small smile and a squeeze on my shoulder before blurring away.

I opened the door, plastering on a semi cheerful smile and stepped into Tanya's house.

Edward was standing leaning against a door frame that lead deeper into the house he flicked his hand and the stereo system started blaring a song I might have heard before. It was a song from the 1970's. I shot him a glare when I heard some of the lyrics.

"Edward turn that crap off!" Alice shrieked zipping by and manually turning the stereo off.

"What was that?" I asked her, my eyes locking with Edward.

"Bill Withers…" Her nose crinkled in disgust, "'Use Me'. A horrible song Emmett and Rosalie used to do-"

"Beautiful and romantic things to each other by." Emmett interrupted, taking care to walk close by me sniffing me.

"Looks like he was a gentleman." Emmett teased.

The blush was unintentional. They all saw it too. Edward and I stared each other down, and I wasn't actively sure what to think at him. But I kept begging him not to say anything out loud to the others.

Bella came out of the kitchen area, with a cute little lace apron.

"Dinner is in ten, Eva." She suddenly became aware of my tense posture and blush. "Lay off her Emmett," she shot her big brother a glare and turned to go back to the kitchen.

I bit my lower lip and was about to turn toward the stairs when Edward spoke.

"I'll be up in a moment," Edward said gravely.

_Great attitude to have little brother. Are you going to force me to discuss this with you_? I shot to him putting my hands on my hips.

He barely nodded and averted his eyes in the direction of where Bella was. Alice and Emmett shared a look with each other and then gave Carlisle a look, who had been sitting in the living room with Jasper going over their portfolios to see what other donations could be made to the Bay Area Quake Relief Fund.

"What's going on?" Emmett asked.

"Nothing," I said quickly, not even convincing myself.

Before anymore could be said I turned and bolted up the stairs to go to Tanya's room.

As soon as the door was closed I found that I was breathing heavily, and shaking.

This was _much_ harder than I thought it would be. But Kenji was right, my whole family was here tonight, Bella and Edward were likely leaving in the next few hours to go celebrate Bella and Ren's birthday back in La Push. They were the only family going, and it would be the first birthday of Ren's the rest of my family would miss in her entire life.

I took out my phone and sent Ren a text.

_URGENT! RESPOND!_

I waited ten seconds and found myself sliding down the wall to sit, as my nerves were getting the best of me.

_Eva? What's wrong? Everything okay? Should I call?_

_No. No, don't call. I need to know…_ -and from there I typed away frantically, misspelling mistyping all the while. I typed out the whole story along with my worries and my objections to Kenji's proposal. Once in a while I would hit the send button, figuring the message was getting epic in length.

After I finished I sat there cradling my phone, wondering what kind of bombshell I had unleashed upon her.

Two minutes… then three minutes past. Finally she sent a response.

_There is nothing you can do to make me or the rest of the family love you any less. I fully support anything __you__ wish to do. I know how hard it is for you to be stuck like this, not able to do anything, and trust me I am in a similar position here as a hybrid. Whatever you decide Eva, I love you and if you go through with it I will love that little baby just as much, if not more. Call me when you feel up to it. And I wont tell Seth or Jake until you decide what to do. I love you._

It was more than I could have hoped from her. Closing my eyes tightly I took a calming breath and set the phone aside.

.~.

If I could take one bit of pleasure with the fact Edward was nosing his way into my business-he gave me a dirty look when I thought that- it was that he looked physically ill at being inside of Tanya's room.

Deftly he strode over to the computer set up and opened a blank document and started typing away with his long fingers. Suddenly I felt like a little bratty sister. I had thought Edward would be responding aloud to my rebuttals during this 'conversation'. But he was being the discrete man his human parents had raised him to be.

He chuckled once to that thought.

I uncrossed my arms and put my cell phone into Kenji's sweater pocket. I walked across the room to read what he'd typed.

'_Firstly, I do not approve of the trade, the fact it was offered or even the content of the offer. That being said I completely understand your mind frame and the issues you have with security. And I do know that trying to convince you of your safety while with us is moot, as we seem to have enough evidence to contradict that statement. Secondly, I understand why you've decided to accept the offer, and although I wish there was another way to make you feel secure, you have my whole hearted support_.'

He had written so much more than that, but truthfully that was all I needed to see. I felt a warm swelling in my chest, it was a feeling I would categorize as overwhelming appreciation for him. I pushed the lights away and quickly turned to hug him while he sat at the desk chair.

I wasn't looking at his face as my own was buried in the crook of his neck taking in the rich smell of plums that was Edward, but when I felt him hugging me back, instantly I knew he was smiling.

When I pulled away because my eyes started to feel itchy he tapped the screen so I would continue reading.

'_You are worried about everyone's reaction Evangeline, and you need not be, not overly much. We are your family, and to watch you suffer while you are awake as well as when you are sleeping is hard for us to witness because we love you. When it comes down to it, everyone will be concerned with this offered trade, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie will be the most against it likely even after we discuss it tonight. But no one in this house would be willing to risk losing you in this battle, whether mentally to the strain of these horrors, or physically by being killed or tortured._

_I know how strong you are Evangeline. They know too. Show us the conviction of your decision tonight and eventually they will all come around._'

_But… even-Edward it's just there is just so much to consider. If I do this I will have a blank spot from Alice's visions. Then there is no way Ren would be kept away from me while I am-pre-pregnant. Not to ment_-

He cut me off by typing again, which I could have ignored, but I was having trouble coping with my own thoughts to continue to ask him anything coherently.

'_The details of the how's and when's of the trade will need to be discussed, by you and Kenji. If you wish for me to help you I will be by your side. And although there could be difficulties with blind spots Kenji would make your safety for the duration of the pregnancy and turning his top priority, that much I can tell from his devotion to being a man of principle and how he thinks on Ichiro and Shizuka's well being_-'

_Wait_, I thought to him_, I thought you couldn't understand his thoughts_?

He gave me a cocky smile and typed more without even looking at the keys.

'_I don't know the specific words he uses in his thoughts, but there are memories that frequently feature or Ichiro and Shizuka replayed in his mind. He likes to reminisce about their childhoods, Shizuka's human one and Ichiro's hybrid one_.'

It wasn't that I hadn't believed Kenji when he told me he enjoyed being a father, but to hear Edward confirm it I understood why Kenji _had_ to make the offer to me.

.~.

I ate with deliberate slowness. Alice knew what was going to happen once I finished my chocolate pie. I could see her anxiety, she and Edward were having a near spastic silent conversation off in the kitchen, Jasper was close by and he could tell by the emotions from the three of us something was about to happen.

How was I going to do this, exactly?

Kenji had offered to be here with me when I told them of the proposal and what I thought about it. But I knew it would be easier on the family, easier on me if he wasn't. I had no idea where the rest of the Denali's were, but was glad it was just us Cullen's.

Once I finished eating, as calmly as I could muster I made my way down the hall to where dad was watching the coverage of the efforts to rescue people.

"Dad," I began. He turned the TV off and looked at me curiously.

"Kenji has proposed an offer to me… and I want to take him up on it."

Soon I found myself standing in front of eight confused or concerned vampires. Edward hadn't said a word when everyone kept asking what this was about.

As calmly as I could and taking care to look at each member of my family, I told them of Kenji's offer to me.

"_HE WHAT_?" Rosalie and mum both shouted immediately after I explained his baby for vampirism swap deal.

"**You are **_**seriously**_** considering this**!"- "He propositioned my baby sister?"-"Did he say **why**?"-"Eva you **aren't** considering _this_?"

They talked over one another for a while. Throwing me the same questions back to me, and I clenched my fists, determined.

Dad saw my action and he took mums hand in his, effectively quieting her.

"I know how it looks. I know it _seems_ like an unconventional-"

"Rude and _crass_ Eva, he shouldn't have even offered." Rosalie said vehemently.

"But he did." I said firmly.

Emmett and Jasper shared a look that clearly told me they would try their hardest to do something to Kenji for offering this trade.

"Evangeline we are talking about him using your body-"

"It isn't _any_ different than what Mr. Golswiki did! What you did-" I started.

"_We've apologized_-"

"Don't let that-"

"**No**." I said firmly, trying to get this conversation back under control. Dad had been trying to tell me his opinion and I blew up, then mum and Alice almost had me going completely on the defensive.

They were silent for a moment, each eyeing each other or me with varying degrees of exasperation, fury, and offence that I was considering this.

"If we would quit interrupting her she would get to that!" Edward said loudly glaring at mum, then Emmett in turn.

I held my smirk, _he_ already knew my decision. Unclenching my fists I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

"He has offered _me_ this exchange, and although I have some misgivings about it…"I sensed mum and Rosalie's urge to interrupt, "I _**am**_ going to accept his offer."

They didn't even wait for the last word to sink in before they started up again. The degree of angry to indignant swung wildly depending on their type of love for me.

Mum and dad were worried about my mental state and their questions reflected that.

Emmett wanted to go hunt Kenji down and 'teach him proper manners'. Jasper was silently staring at me as if he understood _why_ I had accepted but he didn't like what it meant for me. Alice was biting her lower lip and continually asking me if I 'Was sure?' Bella didn't ask anything of me, but took Edwards hand and gave me a supportive smile, and I treasured her for it. Edward's questions were already answered by listening to my thoughts.

Rosalie, it was her questions that were the hardest.

"What about Seth? I thought you loved him?" Her tone was pressing.

"I do love him-"

"Then you shouldn't even be considering this!" She shot back.

"Loving him won't **keep **_**you**_** alive!** Don't you get it Rose?" I shouted back, tears threatening to blur my vision, "What happens if the _next_ attack we _lose_ somebody! I couldn't live knowing that-"

"We'll be just fine we have the Denali's and Benjamin and Tia are on their way!"

"Quit interrupting Rose." Mum scolded.

I gave mum a small smile and bit my lip slightly.

"_Please_ don't make me defend my position on this. _Please_. This is _one thing_ in my life that I can **do**, one decision _I_ can make that will make a difference. There are worse things that could be asked of me than to have a baby-that Kenji will love unconditionally- in exchange for my peace of mind. I don't want to hear your objections-" I took a long look at each of my family, settling on dad, tears building but not yet released. "I want your su-support in-in this." I stuttered. I didn't just want their support, I _needed_ it.

Dad stood and made his way to me he gently put the crook of one finger under my chin and we stared at each other. There was a tingle in my eyes that was at the ready.

"For all my concerns and misgivings on this Evangeline, I do support you fully. And I promise I will do everything I can to ensure your safety and comfort during the duration of the pregnancy, and the forever after we have all been promised." I didn't need to push the lights away as I leaned into him and hugged him close.

By no means was the discussion over, which I had been prepared for. The general attitude about my decision was they weren't fond of it, but they would support it. Rosalie was a mixed bag, I could see the inner turmoil on her face as dad and I separated from the hug.

"Great," Alice drawled. "Your decision has just given us a giant blurry spot right where you are supposed to be." She had a grimace on her face and Jasper started to massage her shoulder.

"You are that… set on this plan Evangeline?" Mum asked timidly searching my face for any notable indifference.

"She is," Alice answered for me now rubbing her temples.

"It won't help Alice," Edward chided a crooked smile forming on his face. "The fact she has committed to doing this doesn't influence the when of it."

Frowning I bit my lower lip. Simply by my being resolute in Kenji's proposal I had fogged up my own future. And I wasn't even pregnant yet.

My legs felt shaky at that thought.

"Eva?" Bella asked concerned as she moved from her spot to help guide me to the sofa where Edward was still sitting.

"Is this it? We're done talking about this? How can you just accept that she wants to-"

"Emmett-"Rosalie interrupted her mate while I took some shaky breaths in, finally understanding exactly what I had determined to be my course of action.

I was going to _willingly_ have a baby.

"This is her decision." Rose said in a softer tone, which belied the small amount of hurt I thought she might feel.

"She's only worried about how you will be able to handle it Evangeline." Edward supplied while Bella blurred away only to return with some water for me. I thanked her for her courtesy and focused on the glass in my hands.

While I sat with Edward on the sofa, Bella kneeling next to me. Rosalie and Emmett were off to my left while mum and dad stood in the middle of the room. Alice was shifting from foot to foot in a nervous sort of dance. Jasper was behind her hands on her shoulders trying to calm her.

Now that they understood better what I needed from them, the arguments over the craziness of me agreeing to go through with this trade died away. I was certain they were all thinking of all the reasons I shouldn't do it, but no one said anything to me. We instead started discussing the other details of my commitment.

All of the male members of the family and Rosalie wanted to have a word with Kenji. I suspected Emmett wanted to fight him still, but I was fairly certain the others wanted to hear his reasons for even offering the trade in the first place. Bella was firmly on the support side of my choice, offering up her experience to help guide me. Alice asked about how soon this whole thing would take place, and I couldn't answer. I had only just decided to agree to the offer, and the finer details of the 'when' and 'how' were needed to be discussed with the doctors in the family as well as Kenji himself.

Edward brought up the fact that because of the blurry spot it might be possible for Ren to come up for the duration of my pregnancy to be witness to it. I smirked at him, knowing there would literally be no way she would kept away from me if I was going through this. It was still up for debate as to whether or not the wolves would be allowed.

Carefully we each avoided the topic of how Seth was going to handle this. Frankly I didn't really want to think about it. I had no doubt he'd be hurt by this. But it was as Kenji said; I could only cope with so much of my past trauma when I still felt the keen worry of being so weak. It was so hard to not worry over it all of my waking hours. Seth, whether he was hurt by it or not, he would have to accept that this was something I was going to do.

The talk got side tracked with the talk of it being a boy or a girl, Alice was itching to go and start buying piles of baby things online. And the topic got too far spun.

"Look Kenji and I haven't really talked that much about anything… not how we are doing this, or when… I just decided on the way back here that I was going to do it."

"Well, then there is no need to rush into anything," mum said satisfactorily.

.~.

Shortly after I went to bed, with promises from my family they wouldn't harass Kenji too horribly, they called Ren to tell her of the development. I had gone the cowardly way and was going to let Edward break the news to Seth. It was a childish gutless way to face the situation and it was probably not the best move for our relationship, but I wasn't even sure how to approach the topic with him. I had a hard time falling asleep, and the dream of Zhan ordering me to kill members of my family thrust me awake barely three hours later.

The dream reaffirmed my choice. But my choice still had some doubts within it. I needed to talk to Kenji, soon. So I rolled over and went back to sleep.

When I eventually made my way down stairs, after enjoying Tanya's five person sized luxury bath, a scene that wasn't entirely unexpected met me. Everyone was down stairs, scattered about Tanya's living room all of the gathered vampires had two heads, as they were within arm's reach of their mates. All except for Kenji.

Kenji had on a Sex Pistols shirt with a matching thermal long sleeved shirt underneath. His thin little beard had been transformed into a little goatee and mustache. He, Carlisle, Rose, Edward, and Bella were deep in conversation. Emmett was hovering behind his wife trying to give Kenji a glare; Esme was giving Kenji an open smile, while she held my dad's hand.

Breakfast hadn't been made for me, so I was only slightly disappointed, because I could easily make something for myself, I knew mum, Bella, Rose and Carmen loved making me food.

"Good morning," I greeted those gathered after Eleazar nodded to me. They all warmly greeted me, but it was Kenji's ecstatic expression that caused me to blush.

"Did you sleep well?" He asked me as I approached.

I shrugged, and half wished he didn't look like Christmas had come early. Couldn't he act like this was just a business deal? At least for now I felt like it would be best, because when it came down to it that's what this was.

One baby, and one immortality free from the Volturi.

Edward smirked.

"I slept like I usually do..." which everyone in the family knew meant 'not well'. Even the bath I'd had before coming down hadn't refreshed me enough for the dark circles under my eyes to go away.

"How does French Toast sound Evangeline?" Carmen asked as she made way to the kitchen.

Eager to have a reason to leave the living room I agreed readily.

My stomach was in knots as I thought over the last 24 hours, mostly the last 12. Had I really agreed to this? Why had I agreed so quickly? It wasn't like Kenji would take the offer away. But I knew why I hadn't really needed to think it over. I _wanted_ to fight. I was ready to get to the next part of my life with my family.

Even though the baby was still just an abstract thought thinking about it was giving me more anxieties.

"Morning my favorite sister," Alice said merrily while she set up the butter dish and syrup for the French toast Carmen was starting to make. I eyed Alice warily while I lowered myself to the breakfast bar's stool.

"Good morning Alice." I said, asking her with my expression what the deal was.

"Well I thought I would throw an idea out there-you don't have to agree to it- since your trade with Kenji hasn't been finalized I was hoping you could add another bit to it."

_What the hell was she on about_? I practically shouted to Edward. I heard a snort suppressing laugh from the hallway.

Before I was able to ask Alice to stop being as obtuse as the 4th of July when she tried to tell me the Whitlock's were different, she spoke up.

"Have Kenji promise, that in addition to making you a member of the Japanese coven that he give each of us one of his swords, and that he grows my hair to at least shoulder length." She looked proud and happy. My face fell.

Kenji was in the other room and could plainly hear this too. I opened my mouth to tell Alice that I didn't think I could negotiate for more Kenji blurred into the kitchen.

"I cannot make the swords for your family; only Japanese coven members may have them. And Alice it need not be part of my agreement with Evangeline, once the war is over I would be happy to lengthen your hair." Alice squealed happily and clapped her hands to her cheeks.

"Oh this is wonderful. Now to find Toji, he brought a giant box full of hair accessories I thought were gifts for Eva but it looks like they are for me." And with a small smile and a pat on my shoulder Alice zipped away. I saw a blur follow her, I assumed it was Jasper, and then I turned to look at Kenji.

"Toji had been ordering different hair accessories for nearly three weeks before we even met your family. I guess we all know why now."

Suddenly I felt self conscious talking to Kenji, and having him stand so close. I was aware of why, because of our deal we were in a unique situation of a rather intimate nature. He sensed my unease and cleared his throat.

"If you would like to, after breakfast, you and I can discuss our arrangement further."

"I would like that." I murmured.

He took the hint, and gave me an encouraging smile before leaving me alone in the kitchen with Carmen. She was humming some sweet lullaby as she deftly dipped the thick cut fresh baked bread in the egg mixture.

"Do you like cooking?" I asked. When I thought on it, I didn't really know that much about the Denali's. I knew the least about Carmen, which made some sense to me. To me Carmen was a Spanish version of my mum. Carmen and Esme weren't carbon copies of each other, but their mannerisms and attitudes were so much alike I wondered if Carmen too had a maternal side.

"It is soothing. When I was little my mama would let me help, I think," she smiled kindly tilting her head back slightly. She had the same look all vampires got when they tried to remember their human lives. After a moment she sighed and shrugged.

Suddenly Carmen seemed much more interesting. At least thinking about her human life and change as a vampire could take my mind off of my pending conversation with Kenji… and further than that my pending contractual obligations. So I dove right in asking her about her life, human and other wise.

"Evangeline-" She chuckled lightly, at my persistent questions. I found the way she said my name soothing. "Why such the interest hmm?"

I didn't want to admit to her I was using her past as a distraction. So I just shrugged and thanked her when she set the plate in front of me. I was about to dig in when she gently slapped my hand away. My lights flickered much too quickly for me to do anything about them. Carmen smiled sternly at me before dusting a little powdered sugar on top.

"There, my master piece is complete."

"My stomach already appreciates its beauty," I slyly said as I cut a piece.

She obliged my questions while I ate. Her vivid descriptions of her home land painted lively and entrancing images in my mind. Carmen loved imagery. She described her favorite tiny white flowers that lined her lane outside the village of Oliva. One reason she was able to describe her home town with vampire accurateness was that she made sure to visit after her thirst was under control.

"My creator Gerard, he made it clear to me that I could not allow anyone in the village to recognize me. So late at night I went back to my little house, and saw my young daughter." She chuckled here.

"That must have been hard for you…"

Carmen gave me a faint look of longing and nodded; she pulled her hair around to the front and started to play with the ends.

"I remember I would sing to her as I bathed her, and she would play with the ends of my hair," Carmen had a wistful look and stared out the window. Her finger was fanning the ends of her hair, over and over again in a slow rhythmic motion. I remembered seeing her do this before, at my graduation party. Was this one of Carmen's left over human ticks? It must have been a comforting tick for her.

The obvious question was rolling around my head like a spiked cannonball.

"Did you… do you miss-"

"At first, when I understood that I could never hold her again, I did. But I did get a chance to watch her grow. She married but was unable to have children of her own. And when she died… I was happy that I had been able to watch over her. You see Evangeline; my Mary lives in here now." Carmen tapped her temple. "I have a lovely life now; Eleazar is all I could have asked for in this life."

"Your Corazon." I shyly said. I had heard her call him that on more than one occasion.

Carmen broke out into a wide grin and tossed her black hair back over her shoulder.

Then she started telling me stories of her life between the time her daughter died and when the Volturi came to town. She told of the when the Volturi passed judgment on her creator, after they had gone their separate ways. And shortly after that Eleazar and Carmen first met.

Breakfast had long since been finished while I listened to her talk. And I didn't feel the need to make her stop. Carmen was the perfect distraction from all the inner beasts giving me problems.

.~.

I was with Alice, Bella, and dad in Tanya's room as Bella was on the phone with a very upset Jake. My conversation with Kenji had to be postponed after Alice came back with Toji carrying a large box full of colorful scraps; it looked like a drag queens accessories confetti party in there. Alice had looked slightly annoyed and gestured to me, effectively ending my conversation with Carmen. Then she summoned dad and Bella to Tanya's room as she led me there.

Seth had been furious about the new development. For far more reasons than the fact I was going to have a vampire's child. One reason that stung me was the fact _I_ hadn't told him myself about the development.

Jake had been able to order him to stay in La Push so far, but Ren was chomping at the bit to come up here. She 'didn't want to miss a single bit of it', to quote her exactly. I wryly thought that she might even like to be witnessing the 'process' of Kenji's request part too. Again my middle constricted thinking about it. Ew vampire sex.

And since Ren wanted, _needed_ in her words, to be here Jake wasn't going to let her come up alone. What with the war on anyway he was probably no further than three feet away from her at any given moment. We were now having a council to decide how to proceed with the fact full on blind spots at this time was not a good idea. The full moon was three days away, the day before Bella's birthday and both Toji and Alice thought another bout of attacks was highly likely, if not imminent.

Benjamin, Tia and the Irish coven were already here and being entertained at Kate and Garrett's house. They had arrived during breakfast, and I had yet to greet them. Poor Huilen seemed to like to be alone, preferring only her nephews company when it could be had; she was currently haunting Eleazar and Carmen's entire basement.

"Ness, we haven't made it final yet, Eva still has many things to discuss with Kenji," Bella said with a slightly exasperated air.

The conversation had gone nowhere. Ren wanted to come up here; she wanted to be with her parents on her birthday up here. The entourage of blind spots coming up here was a bad idea. When Bella suggested they keep the original plan of her and Edward going down there to visit she went ballistic. It was made clear that Ren was being a brat, and that she really wanted to be with us _here_ in Alaska.

"How about this," dad began generously, "Bella and Edward keep the same plan and visit you there till the end of the week. By then a better plan of action concerning Evangeline's decision will have been made and we can act accordingly. There is no need to selfishly put others at risk."

A heavy sigh of defeat came through the line. Then Jake spoke up.

"Alright, agreed. Bella see you soon. And Eva?" Bella turned the phone more towards me.

"Yeah…" unsurely I answered.

"Talk to Seth. Seriously."

Like a teenager I huffed, rolled my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest. Alice thought my reaction was adorable and impishly nudged me with her elbow, which hit me just above my hip bone.

The goodbyes were said and dad excused himself, while Bella went off to find Edward.

Alice on the other hand went into the large bathroom stood in front of the tub, wringing her little hands slowly.

"You seem to have gotten over you aversion of baths," she called out to me.

Tradition was what made me follow Alice. She would always lead me somewhere it seemed. Much like Toji led Kenji to little baby Ichiro.

"That," I pointed to the tub she was looking at, "Is more like a small pool."

She fully sat on the edge of the tub clasping her hands between her legs. Her eyes were downcast and I began to worry.

"Alice why are you sitting in the bathroom?"

"I saw it… what she did to you." Alice gave a small jerk of her head to the tub behind her.

Involuntarily I froze stiff as I was leaning slightly against the counter across from her.

"You sa-saw that?" I asked haltingly.

Alice had never told me exactly what visions of me she could see clearly. And frankly I think neither of us wanted to ask about it, because I didn't want to relive it anymore than she wanted to see it.

"After we came up here, I could see a lot of things changing and I-I saw you enjoying this bath tub, like you used to…be able to do. I wish sometimes that I- that I could change the future."

Hearing the seriousness and moroseness in her voice I mashed my lips together instead of snorting.

"You change the future all the time."

Alice turned to look at me, her form looking so small as she hunched slightly over her legs, her eyes had a hungry longing look to them.

"It always seems so direct, when I find something in my path. I can find ways around it Eva, there always seems to be _some_ way I can get around the unpleasant things in my way, in our families way. But you, you make things hard; sometimes I don't even know if I've done the right thing… I would like to think that I have." Pausing here Alice cleared her throat; I relaxed and made to sit next to her on the edge of the giant tub.

"I have always felt responsible for keeping everyone safe. And most of the time I am happy to do it Eva. I love everyone so much, and keeping us safe is-paramount to my own happiness. But I- I have seen you grow, and change and it has made a part of me, one that I didn't know was there, come alive. Rose has always had it, this want of humanity the desire not to demonize something so… innocent and lovely.

"I hate that _my_ decisions, _my_ actions, although for the purpose of protecting those I love, has done so much harm to you." Suddenly she shuddered with a low whimper and buried her face in her hands. I was shocked as to where this had possibly come from, why was she saying all of this now? I found myself draping an arm over her tiny shoulders, a slow tingle was making my eyes itch almost immediately, but I ignored it the best I could.

"I don't regret bringing you into the secret, and into the family but I-I I wish there had been another option for you. I wish you _didn't_ have to make these sacrifices for the family when you are still so young and so vulnerable."

Then I understood what this was about. I removed my arm from her and copied her posture with putting my hands over my face briefly before I settled them in my lap. She had quieted and when I turned to look at her, her golden eyes were swimming with those venomous tears.

I had to focus my thoughts on Alice and her dilemma with my decision. Because that was what this was about. She was _scared_ for me, having to go through a highly dangerous pregnancy, for being a human involved in this war, and lord knows what else she was afraid of on my behalf. This wasn't about me, and I had to understand that being a sibling was about giving. And from my experience with Jasper and Emmett I had to remind myself that they might be powerful, but as people we were equals. Their morals and their thoughts weren't any more perfect than my own.

At one point or another I may have actually been mad at Alice for what she'd done since coming back to the family. If I had to put money on it I would bet my life without the Cullen's would have been much more dreary and difficult.

"Alice, this is just something I have to do. I don't blame you for-"

"I know you don't," she rushed in.

"I _will_ be fine. I can be strong like Bella was." I attempted to smile, but it felt flat. I didn't want to think about it. Not yet, not really. Kenji and I had to talk, which I also didn't want to do. But I knew I shouldn't avoid it now that I had agreed to the trade. I could always change my mind I supposed. But those horrible nightmares that had my stomach in knots when I woke held me firm.

She seemed to debate saying something, her eyes were rapidly shifting between my left and right eye.

"You are stronger than Bella was."

Her respectful tone made me smile. I wondered if Bella, or anyone in the family would agree with that.

"Then we know I will be fine Alice. Kenji's offer might not be the ideal way, but I could think of many worse ways to be changed. I am thankful for this chance, if you can believe it. Waiting two more years like this, I _would_ go insane."

"So you aren't going to change your mind?"

"I doubt it Alice. But then again, Kenji and I need to sort things out," I ran my hand over my head and down my hair.

"One day, we'll look back at all this and laugh."

I laughed suddenly at her words, "Alice, there _really_ is nothing to laugh about!" I chuckled in the middle.

She quirked a cheeky smile and poked my arm.

"You're already laughing."

"It's from hysteria I assure you." I chuckled again shaking my head to get myself to stop.

**..~..**

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Review!

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	23. Plague

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

An: Hello, well to those of you that have been with Panthalasaa and Evangeline from the beginning, thank you. Yesterday was the 1 year anniversary of when I published the first chapter.

I am still writing this fic I haven't abandoned it. I know very clearly where it is going, but I have had many distractions and a little bit of disinterest in writing the rest of the story. Mostly because it is getting close to the end and I have really enjoyed writing this story and don't _want_ it to end. More characters will be up on the Panthalassa photobucket later today.

**Panthalassa : High Tide  
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**Chapter 23 - Plague  
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There was no avoiding it. Not really. I had to put myself in the mind frame of this being something I _wanted_, not just needed. Kenji may have made the offer, and I may have accepted it, but getting over the personal issues I had was going to take some time.

Edward and Bella had left just after I finished lunch. And when I waved them goodbye, I decided it was time to get Kenji and I on the same page. So I took charge and asked him to come sit with me on the porch. Most of the family made excuses to be off doing other things, and I pretended they couldn't hear our conversation.

I had some old quilt wrapped around my shoulders as I sat on the porch swing, Kenji sitting regally on the banister across from me, one leg bent slightly on the thin wood, while the other was resting sturdily on the porch.

A small blush had formed on my face as I settled down and took a good look at him. I wasn't just intrigued by him, and I think my crush status for him had grown, but now I could tell those feelings for him were completely squished by anxiety over our deal.

"Would you like to start or shall I?" he calmly asked after I chewed on my lower lip for a few minutes just gawking at him.

"I'm working up to it," I snapped quietly.

He nodded and waited a passive attentive look on his face.

I licked my lips and began.

"We've established the "why me" of this trade. So what are the finer details? I mean, will me being changed by _you_ free my family from the Volturi's punishment?"

Kenji scratched at the back of his neck then ran the same hand down the side of his jaw line.

"In the strictest sense yes. However Aro, and especially Caius may not necessarily see it that way. In which case you being a vampire already a strong one at that, will limit exactly what they could do to your family, if anything, in retaliation. The law regarding letting humans know of the secret is to ensure that widespread knowledge does not become possible. You have not allowed anyone to know of the supernatural world through your actions, therefore your family is not liable to the true code of keeping humans in the dark.

"However it is a very grey area that they might argue that you knew for a long enough time that you had plenty of time to be changed and were not. Now the precedent had been made that they ordered you _not_ to be changed till the appointed time, which could be argued is a violation of their own laws. Ipso facto they have no legal leg to stand on."

Surprisingly I was able to follow what he'd been saying, "But it really doesn't matter unless we can stand up to them."

"Exactly. It took a large group of witnesses to stop them some twenty years ago. If a confrontation with the Volturi were to happen after the defeat of Zhan and Wei, and our numbers are not diminished I would not leave your family to face the Volturi on their own. Shizuka, Ichiro, Toji myself and any of the Japanese covens that wish to volunteer would be here to aid in the defense of turning you, and your families adherence to the laws." He said efficiently, his low deep voice was like a balm to my worries.

I felt a small bit of concern and doubt sliding out of me. I had been so worried about protecting my family, and about how to ally with the Japanese I hadn't wondered at how much more secure it would feel once we were a united front.

There was a lull in my thought process after learning about the protection we would be offered after this trade went through.

"When…?" I meekly asked, looking him in the eye. I tried not to fidget, and I hoped he understood what I meant. When was he expecting the _act_ to be done? Did we have to start soon? Or did I have some more time to get used to this idea?

"There are three factors at _least_ to consider. Firstly is your own comfort level."

Nodding I shifted the blanket and tucked a nervously jiggling leg under myself.

Kenji went on to explain that it was important that I become comfortable being around him, and he wanted to assure me that my safety and well being was paramount to anything else. He told me of how he, Rosalie, Edward, Carlisle and Bella had discussed the exact process to impregnate me. Kenji was not so clinical in his descriptions as to be uncaring and cold, nor was he too familiar with talking about it that I felt uneasy.

It was highly likely that we would need to have intercourse, as he said, to be sure that the semen was deposited close enough to the egg to fertilize. Rosalie was certain we could just use a turkey baster and have the same result. And all agreed in theory it _could_ work. Kenji was only opposed to that method for one reason.

"I do cherish your well being Evangeline, and your comfort is my top priority. However each hybrid created has been made and born of such violence and without love, which was true for all hybrids, until Renesmee. I do not wish to start a practice, that other male vampires could _definitively_ reproduce, which would lead masses of women pain and suffering simply because a vampire was able to inseminate a woman without sexual intercourse."

He didn't want to be the first to prove that a vampire needn't touch a human woman to be allowed offspring. It was likely he thought that was one of the many reasons other vampires, now that Ren was well known to exist, didn't attempt to have hybrids of their own.

Logically I knew he was right, at least on some level. And as a woman facing the challenge of having a hybrid baby it was a scary thought that I could be _forced_ to have one. Kenji didn't want to even test the theory a turkey baster could be used to conceive a baby.

"So that leaves us with…" Now he started to look a little unsure.

"Having sex." I finished for him woodenly.

His face twitched slightly, and he shifted to face me fully, now leaning against the banister fully, hands resting behind him at his hips.

"Do you not find me sexually appealing?" with genuine curiosity he asked.

I couldn't articulate my thoughts on that matter aloud, not without getting flustered and I knew it. So instead I gave a non committal shrug and crossed my arms over my abdomen.

"If it helps I find you very attractive Evangeline." If I hadn't been looking at his mouth I wouldn't have believed he actually said it aloud. "You have a strong will, but are still unerringly compassionate. You have a grace about you that enhances your natural beauty. And the few times I have been able to hear your singing voice make me yearn to hear more."

Kenji was trying to seduce me. Knowing that and understanding it didn't prevent the hot blush from blooming across my face at his compliments.

"Can we… move on to a different topic?" I asked roughly avoiding his gaze for the moment.

Soon we were discussing the other two things that were deciding factors in the "When" this would be happening. The likely attack in the next few days would need to be survived, that was a fairly straight forward issue.

The other issue was my cycle. I was nearing the end of one, which was highly embarrassing to talk about aloud with anyone, let alone Kenji. We would need to wait roughly three weeks while I was closest to ovulating to ensure the best results.

I barely heard what he said after that, because all that was playing in my head were the words 'Three Weeks' over and over.

"We will have to adjourn this conversation for now." He said abruptly while I saw Alice and Jasper blurring over from Kate and Garrett's.

"Zhan's has issued orders," Jasper began looking directly at me. For a moment I wasn't sure if I was sitting or not, but I was glad when I realized I had been. My whole body felt ill, and my stomach was reacting accordingly.

Jasper was there next to me steadying my emotions. Alice continued explaining to me.

"She is personally going to Volterra to 'collect' some of the more powerful guard members there. I have called Aro already; he is still considering his options. I cannot see Wei so I am assuming he is with some were wolves. There are two sets of ten newborns leaving from some mountains in west Asia. They might not find us here, but if they do we'll be ready."

Kenji's face came into view and he took my hands in his. The supportive gesture said more than words could. And I nodded to him in thanks for it.

.~.

Bella and Edward were safely in La Push by early the next morning, which happened to be Ren's birthday. I got to talk with her for a few minutes right when I woke up, before Rosalie took the phone away so I could go eat my breakfast.

My head felt stuffy, and I had the self premonition that I was getting sick while I was walking down the long hallway to the stairs. Dad met me at the bottom of the stairs with a glass of juice and two capsules.

"What's wrong with me?" I asked, taking the offered drugs and juice. My throat already informing me I was right about something being wrong.

"Alice says it will be a pretty bad cold," He said with a compassionate smile.

I sighed loudly and leaned into him. My lights flickered slightly then died as he put his arm around me and walked with me to the dining room.

"Good Morning Evangeline," Carmen called to me as she quickly dished up whatever she had made for me.

Peach jam on brioche, sausage patties, fresh homemade croissants, and banana yogurt was on the small tray she set in front of me. I was almost drooling through my slightly achy morning haze. I thanked her for the breakfast while dad started filling me in on the night's developments.

"Alice has seen where most of the newborn attacks will happen over the next three days. With Toji's help we are able to ascertain that Zhan has recently added werewolves to her attack in Volterra. Wei's whereabouts are unknown."

"Are we in any danger?" I croaked after finishing my yogurt.

Dad lowered himself to the chair across from me.

"From what we can see we are in minimal danger. The tribe in La Push has been put on alert as well."

Suddenly I felt a tense worry over those in Washington. Bella, Edward, Ren, Seth, Jake, Nahuel… just to name the first few that popped into my head.

"We are all well prepared," dad assured me having noted something in my face changing.

"But the others…" I lamented rubbing my eyes with the back of my hand, they were starting to feel itchy.

"We have things well under control Eva. You just get some rest." Carmen said firmly while she started to clear away my plates.

I hadn't been up for more than a half hour when I started to feel feverish and dad put me to bed. Mum sat on the edge of the large bed and continuously put a cool damp wash cloth on my forehead, effortlessly reapplying it when I would shift and it would fall.

Once the medicine kicked in and I was fully asleep I assumed mum left me to rest.

.~.

Over the next day and a half I woke up to go to the bathroom and eat. My head was pounding and I never felt any relief from the pressure in my head after blowing my nose, which was bright red. Rosalie and mum took turns watching over me, on one occasion I even saw Carmen knitting something while she sat at the foot of the bed.

Foggily I could recall them telling me that Edward and Bella had called, and I had briefly talked to Ren, but couldn't actually remember what we'd talked about. Kenji had brought me flowers, which at the time I thought was sweet, by the 15th, when I was feeling better I noticed how they were lily's, and it reminded me of when I first woke up in the hospital and how Esme had brought them for me.

It sucked being sick, even with having a doctor around to give me proper medicine, his constant advice was still "Just rest and drink water, not much we can do, it's all up to your body."

My body was basically mocking me by showing me and everyone else exactly how weak I was. Although I didn't have a fever and my head didn't feel as stuffed up, my throat was another story, after the runny nose came the coughing. I was hacking away just as Rosalie brought my dinner on a tray.

She gave me a compassionate smile as I caught my breath from hacking out a lung.

"This cold-" I panted while I straightened up, "Is making me want to get started on Kenji's deal sooner. I hate this," I complained.

Rose handed me another tissue, and I wiped the small amount of residue off my chin. I looked horrible. My hair was matted, and my pajama's in complete disarray, I noted with a bit of surprise that I had Kenji's sweater on. Seeing me examining it Rose shifted the tray of food over my legs.

"You asked for it last night."

"No I didn't." I defended instantly. I would have remembered asking to have Kenji's sweater.

Rose frowned slightly and pursed her lips, "You asked for it while you were sleeping. Made Kenji's night I think."

"Now _that_ is not true. I don't talk in my sleep." I said, slightly bemused with the fact that I had talked in my sleep and that I had asked for an article of clothing.

"You kept saying his name and when he sat next to you, you tugged on his sweater like a little girl." Rose sounded dignifiedly aghast at my actions. My mouth popped open unsure of how to respond.

I glanced at the food, a large bowl of chicken dumpling soup and a side dish of peaches. I wanted something meatier. Seeing my distaste with the food Rose tucked a napkin in the neck of my pajamas and dipped a spoon into the soup.

"I can feed-" she shoveled the soup in my open mouth. Luckily for her she hadn't done it terribly fast and I hadn't inhaled it.

"You can feed yourself alright; you are as weak as a kitten right now. Good news is Alice says you'll be normal by the day after tomorrow."

After I finished that first bite I tried to get another word in but she just kept feeding me.

"The Volturi have gone to Greenland, and one of Aro's ancient properties up there because of Alice's warning. Alice cannot see if Zhan finds them there."

"Why did we warn them in the first place?" I asked when she took a break to let me catch my breath.

She shot me a dark exhausted look.

"Would you want the Volturi guards' powers in the hands of Zhan and Wei? Aro's powers alone would tell Wei that you are still alive."

All the color in my face must have faded, because I felt the rush of fear spike in me. Why hadn't I thought of it that way?

"Eva, it's alright, you just didn't see that connection." Rosalie murmured lightly as I took a sip of the apple juice she held up to me.

I heard a noise somewhere in the house and suddenly Rosalie looked shocked and a bit afraid.

"Eva, I need you to stay in here _**no matter what**_." I gave her a confused look as she blurred my tray of food away to a table by Tanya's fireplace.

"Wha-" I began sitting up more in bed.

"They're close. Alice can see _some_ of them."

We were being attacked.

It was happening. Now.

Rose gave me a torn look and I bunched up the blankets in my lap.

She had to go, go fight with them. But I felt like asking her to stay with me. The frightened sick little girl inside of me wanted her to stay. But before I could tell her to go, or beg her to stay Rose left me alone in the room. The door thudding loudly as she slammed it closed.

Fear instantly struck me; it was like a second skin suffocating me, coating my sick body inside and out. I wanted to get out of the bed to look outside, it was still light out, the sun had just set.

I wrapped my arms tightly around my legs, fighting the coughing fit from happening and letting the frantic worries cascade over me. How many were attacking? Was it only newborns? Rose said Alice could see some of them. _Some_. How _close_ were they?

The silence in the house was deafening, and I closed my eyes in an attempt to hear anything at all of a struggle or battle. For all I knew _all_ of my family, and the rest of the vampires had gone a fair distance away from the house.

I counted those fighting on my family's side in my head over and over.

Kate, Garrett, Eleazar, Carmen, Siobhan, Liam, Maggie, Benjamin, Tia, Huilen, Kenji, Toji, Carlisle, Esme, Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie.

Kate, Garrett, Eleazar, Carmen, Siobhan, Liam, Maggie, Benjamin, Tia, Huilen, Kenji, Toji, Carlisle, Esme, Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie.

It became a sort of rhythmic prayer that didn't calm my fears but it prevented me from breaking down into sobs. My heart leapt into my throat when I felt the room shake.

Benjamin.

The shaking lasted only a few seconds and it terrified me enough to force me to try and see something. I wobbly and unsteadily got out of the bed, clutching the sweater over my chest as I stepped to Tanya's large bay window that opened up to her private deck two stories up.

When the room shook again my hand reached out to open the glass door. My hand froze on the handle.

There was a slow creeping chill spreading in my body as my brain caught up to what my eyes were seeing. Hovering behind me, across the room was a figure.

As if through water my hand slowly fell from the handle. My heart started hammering steadily harder in my chest, as if it was trying to break free from my breast. The slow hard thudding was the only way I could tell time was passing.

I turned slowly, mentally preparing myself in a way that I never have, to get whatever this ability was at the ready should I need it.

Whoever it was, it wasn't a newborn. But he was standing casually in the middle of Tanya's large room, looking around as if he was lost. My instincts told me far more than of the obvious danger, they were warning me of treading carefully more with my _words_ than anything. They were telling me, without any proof, that _this_ was Wei.

The curious look he was giving the room came to an abrupt end and with eerily quick and jerky move he faced me fully, his eyes focused on me, and a hungry smile dragged across his face.

"Perhaps, you could help me." He said, not posing it as a question. He stepped closer, deliberately slow, and I watched his movements carefully.

There was only room in my head to worry over my own predicament; there was a building need to scream frothing inside me. It was unlikely anyone could get here in time if he decided to attack. My ability, if it worked, was the only thing I could rely on.

"I find myself scouring the land for the last remaining vampire covens, looking for any with an ability that suits my tastes." He paused to tilt his head in a predatory manner. He was still a good twenty feet away. Suddenly I didn't like having my back to the window. "And here I come to find this _monstrously_ large coven, very powerful, with **one** little human among them. So I had to ask myself, why on earth would they keep **one** human here, all alone, in the middle of nowhere?" He had a clipped accent like Zhan had; his words were choppy and full of an underlying sadistic nature.

"But then…" He took a long breath in moving his head in the sharp jerky way over the bed he was standing at the foot of.

_Oh shit…_ I thought. Realizing what my new peril was. Wei wanted nothing more than to exact revenge on Kenji. And I was standing here in wrinkled old pajama's wearing Kenji's sweatshirt. I could jump to all sorts of conclusions about that and I reached the right one as this strange skinny Asian vampire had.

"Imagine my surprise and delight to find _you_. _Kenji_ has at long last found his _mate_. And how lucky am I that she is still human." Wei, I was sure of it now, seemed to be talking to himself. He broke into a wide smile and rubbed his hands together in front of himself. His action reminded me of my own palms.

Wei hadn't mentioned Zhan or her mark. Perhaps he _hadn't_ seen it. Panic was giving way to more steady thoughts. Wei might try to kill me here, or to hurt Kenji he might just try to kidnap me. One touch and he wouldn't be able to do either. I carefully adjusted my hands so there was no way he could see the marks whether by reflection or not.

"I'm not his mate," I said as steadily as I could.

"But you wear his garments?" Wei's tone turned to a vile kind of mocking. His sharp almond shaped eyes narrowed with a sort of cat like victorious smile in them.

He had me there.

"I was cold, he offered."

Wei seemed to enjoy this conversation, but why was he here with me? Where was my family? Shouldn't Wei be fighting? If Wei was here did that mean he had come with plenty of others to back him up?

"The others… how have you kept them away for so long?" I asked shifting slightly away from the window.

"Let's just say I picked up an interesting skill in Brazil that is allowing me to have this lovely conversation with you…" he shook his head slightly at the end when he trailed off. He was hinting for a name.

"You want my name? My name doesn't matter; you plan on killing me don't you?" My accent came out with the false calm in my voice. My anger and fury over all of the recent deaths suddenly came into focus. I had never met Zafrina or any of the other Amazonian vampires, but I knew of her ability. Wei had been there and _he_ had killed them, and taken Zafrina's ability. If I could have growled convincingly I would have.

"It matters little whether you tell me; I have ways to find out on my own." He casually waved his hand at his temple. I took some long deep breaths as his mean smile grew again.

Suddenly I was overcome with the feeling of stillness, that nothing else in the world was moving but Wei and I within the room. And as soon as that feeling flitted across my mind, it was gone. Wei was smiling devilishly now he tilted his head back slightly and chuckled once.

"Oh, this **is** a funny sort of coincidence."

He laughed again. And my blood seemed to chill inside my veins. Had he used a different ability on me? What had it been?

"Poor little child, all _alone_ in the world, always hoping for the one thing she knows that can never be…" He was toying with me, I thought viciously. Of course I wasn't sure _what_ he was talking about, but I wouldn't have guessed it with an infinite amount of time and guesses.

"Would you like to know what happened to your mother, dear?" He sing songed in a contemptuous way.

I became still as stone, with my mind whirling far away from me and my stomach dropping to my feet.

"What?" I asked barely parting my dry lips.

"Your mother sweet Evangeline," he cooed evilly now. Wei stopped leaning against the bed frame and took one very deliberate step closer while he spoke.

Flinching slightly I held his gaze.

"You know what happened to my mother?" I felt weak, so unbelievably small and weak. I could feel the warring feelings battling it out inside me. How could I _not_ want to know? If Wei knew, if he really knew what happened to my mother…

He nodded slowly and licked his lips with a seductive air that made me want to vomit.

"Tell me." I ordered him clenching my fists. I stood as firm and still as I could even though I could feel the need to cough rising in me.

He didn't get the chance to respond as the glass window to my left suddenly burst into the room, showering glasses every direction. I ducked instinctively covering my head and turning away from the spray of sharp projectiles.

Instantly there was loud growling and snarling mixed with the sound of much solid and sturdy things being broken. I looked up in time, not more than two seconds after the window broke to see two blurs fighting in the middle of Tanya's large room. Red velvet was being shred and lay on the floor looking very much like pools of soft blood.

I screamed when I recognized one of the blurs.

"JASPER!" I shrieked horrified that he was going toe to toe with Wei. Kenji had been quite serious about Wei's volatility, and power.

I heard Wei laugh in a taunting way just when all action stopped. Jasper was laying on the ground looking to the entire world as if he was being pressed into the ground by a high increase in gravity. Wei stood above him, eyes wide with glee and anticipation.

"We have a live one," Wei cooed loud enough for me to hear across the room.

My mouth fell open and I knew what was about to happen. I knew what I was about to witness. Wei put his hands on either side of Jaspers struggling head and closed his eyes.

Jasper, from his spot on the ground locked eyes with me. I shook my head.

Wei was going to take his ability and kill him, right in front of me.

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AN: A brief note to any Hunger Games fans. I have started a new fic for HG called "A Place Where Darkness Can't Reach" please go give it a read. I am super excited about it.

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	24. The Fallen

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

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**Panthalassa : High Tide  
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**Chapter 24 - The Fallen  
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I _promised_ myself I wouldn't let them get hurt, that I wouldn't lose them. I promised _them_ that. So with a swiftness I didn't know I possessed I ran at Wei. Every thud of my feet on the tattered and torn floor echoed in my mind.

There was a blue light seeming to come out of Jasper, which was causing Wei's eyes to glow with an unholy light. It didn't matter… I was going to be too late, and I was running straight at the enemy.

I sent a prayer of apology to everyone that I had been too late and too stupid.

Close enough now, mere seconds after I saw Jasper fall, I leapt at Wei's crouched figure.

_Please_, I begged myself.

I came into contact with Wei and it was like a dozen sparklers had been lit in my head. There were lights flickering on and off all around me. Instinctively I found the brightest one and turned it off.

I fell hard on my shoulder, something had thrown me.

As quickly as I could I looked up for Wei's frozen body, but horror met me. He hadn't been frozen. My lights hadn't done _anything_ to him. But then why was he staring at me as if I was the devil itself? Wei had no time to do anything more to me as Jasper was back up and I saw another large figure blur in through the window. I crawled backwards scraping my hand on the broken floor while Jasper and Emmett fought Wei.

I blinked and the noise had stopped, Jasper and Emmett looked like they were moving backwards, but I wasn't really focused on them. By the window standing there as if not a care in the world was bothering him. was Wei.

He smiled again, a soft considerate smile.

"Sweet child…" He said just barely loud enough for me to hear, "Your mother… she's alive."

Then he was gone.

Wei left, and Jasper and Emmett now able to move normally went after him.

I stayed on the floor, looking at the spot Wei last stood. And my face crumpled with anguish and pain.

She was alive? _My_ mum? She… she _was_ **alive**?

A horrible noise of someone in unbearable pain became known to me, and then I realized it was coming from my own mouth. The noise was being made more pitiful by my sore throat.

.~.

Clearly, I passed out. When I awoke it was with a splitting head ache. Wherever I was it was pitch black. I shifted slightly and when a light came on from my right I flinched in pain from its brightness.

Kenji was sitting in an armchair next to the bed I was resting in. The room looked like the second one on the same floor as Tanya's. This was the room Esme had successfully decorated. There were muted browns with rich greens accenting the room.

Kenji uneasily leaned away from the side table and towards the bed. He put his elbows in the soft comforter while my eyes adjusted from the light.

"Wha- Kenji how long was I out?" I weakly asked my throat stung like I'd swallowed a scrubbing pad.

"Only three hours." His deep voice was quiet, and looking in his eyes it was plain he was concerned.

I was about to ask him where everyone was, and if everyone was okay when I felt something under my nose I reached to touch it but Kenji stopped my hand and dabbed a tissue on the spot. When he pulled it away it was full of deep red blood.

My baffled look at the tissue had Kenji frowning.

"It's been bleeding every so often since you passed out."

"Why?" I sounded like a small child when I asked.

"I would need to give you a C.A.T. scan to be sure… Jasper mentioned it may have something to do with you using your ability on Wei." Kenji had a slight accusatory tone to his statement.

Of course I remembered my stupidity of willingly tackling a vampire, but I hadn't thought I _had_ done anything.

The awareness in my body started to liven up, my left arm was in a sling, from where I had hit Wei the hardest, it ached but it wasn't broken. I could feel irritating tightness on my calves; the blankets covered them so I didn't know how bad the damage was. I had a long strip of gauze covering my right forearm; it was probably from some injury I had gotten after sliding across the floor after my attack on Wei.

"Is everyone okay?" I took the new tissue he offered me and held it under my nose.

"Would you prefer the whole story or just straight answers?"

Part of me wanted the whole story, but with all of the other thoughts in my head, about Jaspers safety and about what Wei had said to me it was best to get the answers I needed **now**.

After I told him my preference Kenji gave me the rundown of injuries… and losses.

They had fought 11 newborns and 10 werewolves, and Wei himself.

Rosalie had been halved, and put back together. She was currently hunting with Alice, Jasper and Emmett to regain her strength. Emmett had lost half of his foot to a werewolf and due to the wolf saliva it could not be reattached. Kenji told him to keep the fragment and they might be able to reattach it someday.

Mum had not lost any limbs but had a fair few long gashes down her back and front from a werewolf, which were certainly going to be as grotesque of scars as Jaspers. Dad had his back snapped at the middle, and while vampires could not be paralyzed he would need a few days of healing to be back to normal.

Siobhan had lost one of her arms, it'd been reattached. Liam lost and ear, three fingers and half a hand on his right hand, also to werewolf bite. They weren't able to recover those pieces. Maggie had both of her legs ripped off and was missing a chunk out of one thigh.

Benjamin was unscathed. Tia had long gashes up and down her arms.

Toji only had a minor crack in his arm from a newborn trying to rip it off.

Alice was unscathed, although she had been traumatized at seeing all of our deaths repeatedly over the course of the battle, she had basically only been useful to keep herself from coming to more harm and preventing others from coming to mortal peril.

Kenji took a long breath before continuing. And I clenched the bloody tissue as it rested on my upper lip. I had been counting the tally in my head. He hadn't mentioned Jasper or the Denalis.

Jasper was fine, except with an addition of a few scars. Kenji was clear in telling me that because of my actions Jasper was alive. If I hadn't been foolish enough to attack Wei, Jasper would be dead, and Wei would have his empathic ability.

Kate was unscathed as was Garret as they had fought together. Eleazar had deep gashes and bit marks all along his torso and neck.

Carmen was dead.

Huilen was dead.

I stared at him in shock.

"Dead?"

"We were unable to save them. Huilen was not a strong fighter and the werewolves seemed to sense that. Carmen…" Kenji looked away, ashamed. "A new born was able to wrench her head from her body-" I made a horrified noise and covered my face as I felt tears starting. "There is a very small window of time that would allow a severed head to be reattached to a vampire and allow them to survive. She was well passed that window when we were able to reach her."

"_Carmen_?" I asked again, a deep sadness taking over me.

My heart felt so heavy thinking about what that loss meant to everyone. It smacked of reality to me, _yet again_, that these were volatile and highly dangerous times. Eleazar…

Kenji interrupted my thoughts with more news, "We weren't the only ones attacked tonight."

"Alice reported that she has now seen that in the ruined buildings along the west coast where many vampires had come to feed in the chaos Zhan sent newborns to annihilate anyone."

Kenji steadily explained the other battles as far as Alice had been able to see. No one else my family knew had been hurt; however there was a close call with Jaspers creator Maria in Texas. Edward had called about an hour ago just after they finished off a smaller group of newborns with the help of the tribe. No one was hurt there.

Due to the injuries and the losses in the families Edward took initiative and was chartering a flight for all that wanted to come up to Alaska.

Edward, Bella, Ren, Nahuel, Jake, and Seth, were on their way. The Quileute were going to be staying at Eleazar and Carmens house, which was far enough away that Alice would be able to see things.

The Japanese coven, along with Tanya had survived another larger group of newborns. Kenji suspected that attack was only to diminish the Japanese coven's number. Two were lost in the battle.

"There is one more thing," he hesitated and cleared his throat. "Shizuka got away after fighting. Ichiro cannot find her."

_Great_. I thought. In addition to everything else, **Shizuka** was on the loose again.

"Does that mean Tanya and Ichiro are coming here?"

"No. Shizuka does not know where you are. She might be monitoring them from a distance, thinking they will join us. Toji has confirmed that asking them back is not something to do at the moment."

I still didn't understand exactly how his ability worked.

There was a niggling question still weaving around in my thoughts, all the while I grieved for those lost in the battle. I needed to know…Was my mum really alive?

"Kenji…" I whispered now looking to the ceiling; the fresh tracks from my tears for Carmen were cooling on my cheeks. "Wei said something. He said something that… I don't think is possible but it…" I trailed off.

"Evangeline?" a gentle touch to my leg brought me to look at him again.

"Wei said that my mum is still alive. But it isn't… possible is it?"

His jaw clenched and he blinked slowly, his hands slowly bunching into fists as he straightened.

For his posture and demeanor his voice came out startlingly tender.

"Do not hold those words to be truthful. It is unlikely that he was telling you the truth. I can guess that the nature of the ability that told him of your mother is based in deceit. Or it is to unsettle the victim. But you need to make something clear in your mind Evangeline, if your mother _is_ alive, you can do little to protect **or** find her while Wei and Zhan are still alive."

He was right, of course, and I slumped back into the pillows. Kenji took the tissue when I offered it, and he in return handed me a glass of water.

My head hurt so badly that I couldn't maintain my interest in all of the horrible things that had happened. I knew the gist of everything. We'd lost Carmen and Huilen. Seth was on his way here. And my mum was likely still dead. Everything was different in the matter of one evening, my whole world felt different. I felt like I was now standing on a beach, unable to move, but able to see the water slowly rising. The tide was coming in, and there was a small window of time before I would be underwater. I just needed to be sure that when that happened I wouldn't need to breath.

Once Kenji gave me pain killers and medicine for my headache I rolled onto my side facing him and closed my eyes.

.~.

They would be here within minutes. Alice had just announced that the entire area was now getting fuzzy. My arm was still in a sling and I was waiting inside by Tanya's front door. Everyone else was outside, a safety precaution because of my still random nose bleeds. It was happening once every two or three hours. Our allies had just come back from hunting a few hours away and were glad for our precaution.

It was depressing to think about Eleazar, who had locked himself in his house and hadn't come out, which was understandable. His grief for Carmen was a constant thought on our minds. Mum and dad took turns watching over him and spending time with him.

I heard Ren's squeals of worry and relief upon seeing some of the others outside. I watched through the glass on the door as the Edward, and Bella ran towards the group standing outside.

Alice had ordered me to stay inside but I wanted nothing more than to throw open the door and see them. See Ren and see Seth.

I heard a low growling noise and then some heavy sounding words being exchanged before I saw someone approaching the door, and just barely managed to step back in time for Seth to open it right where I'd been.

We took one long look at each other, my body desired to leap at him and cling to him, but I knew it wasn't something I _should_ do. Seth didn't have the same issues, as he took the one large step between us and scooped me up.

He lifted me up high enough so that he could bury his face in the crook on my neck, which tickled, and I could feel his hot breath pouring down me.

Slowly he set me on my feet, careful of my shoulder which I was sure he'd been warned about. But he hugged me securely, and I closed my eyes just enjoying him being close.

"Are you mad?" I whispered.

"Of course I am. Furious." He said back breathily, before pulling back and looking at me with intensely reproachful stare. "I just… want you _safe_ Eva."

I bit my lip and nodded in understanding.

"So you met Kenji?" I asked uneasily. Because really, why not get right in to it? Better that then put it off.

I'd never seen Seth's face turn so nasty so quickly. He shot me a distasteful grimace, before sorting himself out. He had been about to retort when a bronzed haired skinny figure tore me away from him.

"Oh Eva! I am so glad you are safe! We were all so worried. Our battle went so quickly, it was hard to believe how many attacked up here, and Wei? Tell me everything. Daddy said you'd attacked him? I knew when I heard you had passed out we had to get here right away. I couldn't-" Ren rapidly spoke as if she had a time limit.

I silenced her by hugging her sturdy body as fully as I could with my shoulder still being sore.

"We have a lot to talk about." I replied.

.~.

I hadn't imagined what exactly would happen at a memorial for a vampire. Nahuel was stoic in his grief, merely staring at the remains of his aunt with a sort of angry shock. Huilen's remains were arranged as close to being whole as possible, but Esme thinking it would look better had draped a silky silver cloth over them. I didn't have the slightest curiosity to look under it to see what remained of her.

Carmen was a completely different story.

Benjamin had worked with Kenji whenever the Asian vampire could tear himself from watching over me, to build a sort of tomb for Carmen. It was a foot tall slab of granite; Kenji has sculpted intricate posts at the four corners of the slab, but in the center was a three foot deep hole which, when what could be loosely called a ceremony was over, another slab would rest on top on the platform.

Ren was crying solidly for the entire process. I was too tired and weak to cry a lot, which felt like I was not giving Carmen and Huilen proper respect by shedding tears, when so few that knew them could. Eleazar's stare was fixed at his mates form within the tomb, as dad spoke about the first time he met Carmen.

Ren shared memories with every one of both Huilen and Carmen, she shared them with everyone but me, as we weren't sure if I could handle that type of communication. Dad, Kenji, and Edward were all anxious for the medical equipment to arrive to see what was going on in my head. So I had to settle for the stories told aloud.

It was depressing the entire group and Tanya's absence while grieving for a member of our family was keenly felt.

I didn't get to stay long at the tomb site, where everyone in the family seemed dedicated to staying there till sunrise. Seth and Kenji had a tense moment when I declared my desire to go to bed. Kenji wanted to stay by my side, now more than ever. Which I wasn't sure was because he actually cared about me or because I was his ticket to having a child. Seth asserted himself to be capable of seeing me to bed.

I was leaving the bathroom after getting ready for bed when Seth blocked me. One large soft hand snaked up from my shoulder to the back of my neck. I hung my head unsure what he was trying to do.

"I don't hate you for wanting to do this Eva. I just-" He paused, as did his hand. I reached up while looking him in the eyes, and wedged my fingers between his hand and my neck.

"Let me guess… you don't like Kenji?"

He snorted, "As a man that loves you I _**hate**_ him completely. The fact he wants to _use_ your body- it boils my blood that he doesn't seem to have any actual concern for you."

I sighed heavily and side stepped around him, still holding his hand.

"Kenji cares about me Seth," I stated. I was sure he cared about me. Maybe I was an ends to a means for Kenji, but that didn't mean he didn't or couldn't care about me as well. It was possible that he cared a great deal about me, and our arrangement, along with my feelings for Seth were clouding up Kenji's feelings.

Seth said nothing to my statement. He didn't say anything more until I was in bed and he'd given me a quick kiss, which I wasn't sure I'd wanted.

"Eva, I want you safe. And I want you happy. I'll play nice with him, as long as this is what _you_ want."

I nodded, closing my eyes.

.~.

We left Alaska the next day. It was wise, I thought, to not be where Wei knew we were. The animal eating vampires including Kenji, the wolves Ren and Nahuel all went by a private jet Kenji had charted to the Cullen's old home in Calgary. It was actually four homes they owned in the area. Ren and Jake had bought one when they lived here five years ago. The other three were all pet projects Esme had during the time they lived here and she loved them so much they never got around to putting them on the market.

It just so happened that Jake and Ren's house was a good eight miles away so anyone that Alice couldn't see were assigned that house. The other three houses were a little closer to one another, but by no means were as close as the Denali's houses were.

Jasper had redirected the medical supplies for me and dad had managed to convince Eleazar to join us. Edward had taken me aside and told me that Eleazar was suicidal and not dealing with Carmen's passing. The only reason he didn't go look for someone to kill him was because he rightly wanted revenge for his mate's death before he joined her.

It was distressing to hear about how much pain he was in, his pain reflected everyone's own fears of what might happen in this war. It seemed the couples in the clutch of vampires were staying closer to their mates than before the battle.

I took a long walk around the new house, Rosalie showing me the features of the house they'd had for nearly 70 years.

Awkward became the work of the week for me. Everyone was still grieving for those we'd lost in the recent attacks. But amid that was the talks of the upcoming- what I liked to call "contractual obligations". Dad had me on prenatal vitamins already, which freaked me out until Rosalie pointed out it was going to make my nails and hair stronger and the vain side of me liked it.

Seth and Jake were having an at wills battle with Alice, and Kenji about their proximity. Sadly Alice was only siding with Kenji because she wanted to see what little she could. Kenji just didn't like Seth constantly being near me. When I asked the Asian vampire about it he gave me an overused answer which sounded like a lie 'I can't stand the stench'. That didn't stop Kenji from going off to talk with Jake and Seth on his own. Apparently Kenji was far too interested in their history and ability, to stay away from them. However the double standard that _**I**_ couldn't be near them irritated me.

In addition to the vitamins, I was eating four meals a day. Moderate sized meals designed by Bella and mum to help me gain weight.

Dad took my vitals everyday and had ordered all the supplies that could possibly be needed over the next six weeks. Rosalie and Emmett's old bedroom had transformed, not that I really knew what it looked like before. But now it was to be my hospital room. All the medical equipment Carlisle and Jasper had ordered when I first told them my acceptance of the trade had arrived and was set up and ready.

It was a little surreal that this was actually going to happen when I walked by the room and saw the giant white hospital bed and the operating table where a king sized bed should have been.

Surprisingly Tia was the most eager to help with all the preparations and seemed giddy with the idea that she'd get to witness the whole ordeal.

In fact, I would have to be blind to see that the idea of another hybrid didn't seem to buoy everyone's spirits a little bit.

"Mum I am really full." I groaned patting my stomach. She gave me a skeptical stare, as I hadn't eaten even half of the cod she'd prepared.

"You are going to come back in a half hour and finish the rest." She ordered. I nodded, reluctantly agreeing before she went off on how I absolutely needed to eat before I got knocked up, if I wanted to survive.

Bella smirked at me from across the kitchen. She had just finished baking a small batch of cookies. When mum's back was turned I mouthed 'up stairs' to her.

"I saw that," mum said pointing to the shiny surface on the refrigerator that gave me away.

"Esme let her eat what she wants to; she won't be able to soon enough." Bella reasoned and took the initiative by putting a warm peanut butter cookie on the clean part of my plate. I gave mum a pout and she smiled.

"Fine, but you are still finishing that later."

I saw Bella look up and smirk slightly.

"Edward and Kenji are coming," she warned me.

I shoved the whole cookie into my mouth. Kenji seemed to disprove of my desire to eat sweets. But as Bella and Rosalie couldn't be persuaded to stop making them for me he had little way to stop me. Besides I wasn't about to let him control _that_ much of my diet. I was doing a lot for him already, conceding my dessert was not negotiable.

To my amusement Kenji, upon seeing my face scowled slightly before a tiny smile broke it.

He brushed a finger at the corner of my mouth while I chewed; I felt the tiny bits of cookie crumbles fall away.

"I'd rather you _not_ choke. Next time just eat it normally."

I couldn't answer as my mouth still had cookie filling it so I nodded slowly, and seriously.

"I would like to take you to some waterfalls nearby after lunch Evangeline, if you'd like." Kenji offered.

I half wondered if he just wanted to talk about something without the others, and my facial expression must have portrayed that.

"We don't have to…" He trailed off, casting a look to Edward.

"No, we can go. Let me get my jacket." I hopped away from the table, taking another cookie Bella held out for me. Once I had my jacket I found I was actually looking forward to getting outside. What with being sick then the attack and my nosebleeds I'd been stuck inside for almost a full week. The nosebleeds had stopped but there was no obvious medical reason for it.

Kenji carried me a long distance running, at what I would guess, was full speed. I couldn't tell how far we'd gone as I closed my eyes when he got up to speed. And since we were in a new area there was no telling where we were.

But I heard the water rushing and crashing in to rocks mere seconds before we slowed.

In the afternoon sun, with the blustery winds the falls looked angry and menacing. We were at the bottom of them a good distance down the rolling river so that it wasn't distractingly loud. After untangling myself from Kenji I stretched and ran my hand down my front. I slid the camera out of my pocket and snapped a few pictures of the falls.

"May I?" Kenji asked after a moment. I peeled the camera away from my face to see him holding out his hand for it. Inquisitively I gave it to him, and instantly regretted it.

"Stay right there," he said excitedly.

I pouted slightly, and turned to look back at the falls.

While he drove himself happy with snapping pictures I thought over the possible reasons why he'd asked me out here.

"Why do we always seem to have to talk outdoors?" I asked. Kenji was halfway up a tall pine leaning out to take a down angle picture of me.

After a moment he effortlessly landed near me and dusted off the few pine nettles on his long sleeved shirt.

"Privacy in a densely vampire populated area is hard to come by. Not that you'll have much privacy from Edward. I wanted to see how… how you are coping."

The uncontrollable urge to gawk at him sprung up in me.

"You are referring to…?"

"The battle. What happened with Wei, the fact Shizuka is still missing, Seth being nearby again. Was he not a sort of paramour of yours?"

"Kenji, **that** is a line _we,_" I gestured between ourselves, "Won't be crossing. Ever. Okay? Seth and I-that's _our_ business." I told him firmly. I saw disappointment briefly flicker in his eyes before he handed the camera back to me, which I put back in my pocket.

"You heard the conversation I had with Ren this morning, _everyone_ heard it. I am still upset over all of it. What Wei said… how close everyone was to being murdered." I held back expressing my grief over Carmen, and to a lesser extent Huilen. "But it doesn't seem to be... hurting as badly as I might have once. After everything that's happened, it just feels like yet another scar." I raised my arm to see all the various scars from my recent past.

"It's there, all those things, Carmen's death, Huilen's death. But it hurts no more than Akharad's did, or does." I looked down the river. To pinpoint my exact emotions for the last week wasn't hard. I was completely anxious.

Kenji was silent a while, and just when I thought he wasn't going to say anything his smooth voice attempted to ease me of some of my worries.

"When the heart grieves over what it has lost, the spirit rejoices over what it has left." He made a small wave of his hand to the surrounding area.

"Do not let these things weigh upon you too heavily Evangeline. I did not know Carmen well, but I knew her best of the three you mentioned. She would not want you to feel guilt for her passing. She was fighting, as we all were, for our right to live. Take heart in the fact that you will be a strong immortal, and you can help bring Zhan and Wei to justice. Akharad, would he want you to be burdened with carrying his memory as a talisman of guilt?"

Shaking my head slightly I pulled the end of my pony tail over my shoulder and ran the tip over my fingers. It did sooth me to an extent, and I understood more of that quote Kenji had used. Carmen was gone. But she'd left me some great memories. I would live on, and fight as hard as she had, the best way to honor her, Akharad, Huilen, Jun Yue, the Brazilian coven, Peter and Charlotte was to not give up, and not let the unreasonable guilt I felt eat away at me.

We stayed at the falls for a while, not really talking much after that. I kept picking up rocks and tossing them into the river. Kenji made a little stone sailboat the size of a nickel and gave it to me. The design was much more oriental than I'd seen sail boats look, but it was still very adorable.

Before we left I asked him something that I'd thought about the other day while dad had been taking my vitals.

"What happens if we win?"

"When we win."

I grinned at his optimism.

He shrugged and did a human habit of stretching his arms over his head.

"What exactly are you referring to?"

I licked my lips and looked at him, "When we win. We'll have a child together…"

His gold eyes widened and it was plain he'd thought this over already.

"It would be up to you if you would want to help raise the child. I would _like_ you to be a part of their life. But you do not need to if that is your wish."

"Everyone, including the child… would think I am selfish if I didn't want to."

"Perhaps," he agreed, much to my surprise. "But just because you are uncomfortable raising a child, doesn't mean you won't _care_ for it."

That was true. I opened my mouth, fully intending on telling Kenji that I'd already had a child, which I gave up and would likely be fine doing the same for the one we were planning on. Something made me hesitative and it stopped me, so I closed my mouth. I didn't know what I'd feel a day from now, much less 6 weeks from now, towards a person that didn't exist yet.

"Do you really think Wei was lying?" I asked him as he lifted me onto his back and I wrapped my arms around his neck.

His solid, frigid body made me shiver slightly.

"Hope can be a wonderful thing Evangeline. But the kind of hope he gave you with his words was one to upset you, to make you irrational. I do not believe it was the truth, except that of which your heart wants to be true. The ability that allowed him to find out about her is likely one of many illusion abilities he has gained."

Kenji's words rested in my brain like a sand bur.

If she was alive… where had she been all this time? Could she have been changed into a vampire? Sadly, I knew part of me wanted her to be alive, even so I knew it would hurt more to find her again then it would heal me. Knowing I'd been abandoned all this time… It didn't make the pain of her being gone lessen or the desire in me to see her lessen, but I understood, as only an adult could that sometimes the things we want the most aren't the best for us.

I closed my eyes tightly and tried to remember my mum's voice and laugh. I tried to remember the feel of her holding me. But my memory could not withstand the ten years since I'd last seen her. I was likely never to remember her as she truly was. The air whipped passed me as Kenji ran, and it felt like I was being bathed in the cool air.

All those years I would sing out to her, all those days I kept singing, thinking she would come back if she heard me they felt like a fools hope. In turn I felt like a fool for even thinking Wei could have told the truth.

Thinking about my foolishness and the hope I'd held on to for so long had me remembering all those I truly hadn't accepted being gone.

It'd been a week since the battle. Eleazar had lost his heart, Nahuel had lost his family, and I had yet to truly empathize with that. I had been ten when I'd lost my heart and my family; it'd taken seven years of being alone to realize how hard you should fight to keep such important things near you.

.~.

We were getting close to the house, I could only tell because Kenji slowed some.

"_Alice says you're going to get a phone call in about a minute."_ Ren's voice rang in my head. I felt slightly like I'd done some sort of serious focusing and there was a twinge of a headache at my temples. The groan couldn't be suppressed.

"Renessmee sent that to you as well I take it?" Kenji asked coming to a complete stop and setting me down.

There was a dark look on my face as I nodded. Kenji smelled the blood before I felt it and there was a soft cloth under my nose, Kenji pressing it gently to catch the blood. Disturbed by the fact I had another nose bleed I bewilderedly took over for him, my eyes flickering to his.

While we looked at each other he took a cell phone out of his pocket and flipped it open. Vampires could hear the high whirring noise of the phone picking up the signal before the phones could compute the ringtone to be sounded. I always thought it was a flashy show of their abilities when they did that. Kenji was still watching me as I dabbed at my nose, taking it away to look at the clean area to see if I was still bleeding.

He was talking calmly and smoothly in Japanese, with an anxious tight look in his eyes.

"No." he said firmly with a touch of contempt.

My question of who he was talking to was answered fairly quickly.

"She will not tell you where we are Shizuka. But it is up to her." He then didn't bother moving the phone away from his face as he flatly asked me if I wanted to talk to her. I gestured to my chest to be sure of what he was asking and he nodded. I shifted the tissue while I shrugged. Seconds later the cell phone was at my ear. My eyes were wide with wonderment and a little bit of anxiety.

"_Evangeline_?"

I wasn't sure what I was expecting her to sound like. As her 'audience' there was a primal fear in me just thinking about her insane desire for my blood. But her voice was soft, almost sweet with a higher register.

"Yes?" I asked softly.

"_I-wanted to apologize for- well... I am not actually sorry but-"_ she laughed slightly, there was an un-comfortableness in her voice that I could empathize with. "_I don't know exactly what to say. While I was being guarded by Ichiro and Tanya they talked about you a lot. At first it made me-want you more. But –Kenji-dono… You are very precious to him and I don't __**want**__ to hurt you, not really. I want to… but not-_"

A weak smile had me opening my mouth slightly to interrupt her, "Shizuka I think I understand. I **have** lived with a house full of vampires for the last three years. You don't really have to explain it to me. Is this why you are calling?"

There was a small pause on the line, and I thought I heard her sigh.

"_I don't know what you did to Wei, after I escaped from Ichiro I was fully intent on coming for you. But I remembered my promise to Kenji-dono so I had to find another thing to pursue. So I went to find Wei and watch him like I have been doing regularly for the last few years. Kenji just told me you attacked him_?"

_Ah_, I thought, _that's what Kenji said to Shizuka._

"I did… but it didn't work-"

"_It did. Maybe your ability worked differently on him than it did on me. I found Wei yesterday. Apparently you did __**something**__ to him_," Shizuka, for not knowing her very well, sounded like she was getting really excited. I looked to Kenji with a quizzically, he shook his head with a small smile turning up the corners of his mouth.

"_He no longer can use his original ability. __**Or**__ from what I can tell from a distance. He can still use the __**other**__ abilities he's stolen. But I think you __**did**__ something to him when you attacked him to disable him from being able to use his own ability-the one that allows him to steal others'_."

My mouth popped open, as did Kenji's. The phone slipped from my fingers and Kenji effortlessly caught it putting it back to his ear.

"Did she just tell me _I_-that because of _me_ Wei cannot steal anyone else's abilities?" Clarification had to be made.

Kenji spoke rapidly in Japanese to her, and then nodded to me.

When I first turned Bianca off I'd been terrified at what that could mean. Then with Alice I was glad I had been able to protect myself and Alice from having to live with such a horrible mistake. And with Shizuka I had such a huge ego boost I felt like those damn little lights were finally paying back for all the headaches they used to cause.

But apparently whatever it was that I was doing to those lights, it wasn't just limited to turning vampires 'off'.

So then the next logical question was; what the hell was this ability?

..~..

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V

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V


	25. Last Birthday

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

**Panthalassa : High Tide  
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**Chapter 25 - Last Birthday  
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We were sitting out on the patio on a glorious early Autumn afternoon, the woods around Calgary didn't look much different than the ones in Alaska, but this house had all of Esme's charm and love pouring out of it, and it was if I could feel her love here and it soothed me. Esme had re-heated my cod and placed it in front of me; I distractedly ate it while everyone talked.

Ren had apologized, again, for sending me the message and causing another nose bleed. Dad was off with Eleazar but everyone else was gathered at a good distance away, so that they could be part of the conversation. Tia asked if the nose bleeds would prevent us from trying to have the baby, almost as soon as I sat down at the patio table.

"All of the tests we've done indicate that she is perfectly healthy," Edward said.

"I don't feel sick either…" I added after a bite.

"Your ability is growing faster than you can cope." A low quiet voice spoke up from behind me. I was the only one to be completely surprised, obviously, but instantly the air seemed to tense up.

"You've noticed a change?" Siobhan asked cautiously. I turned to see him, and my father standing behind him.

Eleazar looked at me; his sad black eyes seemed to see through me. He looked about the same, his clothes were a little more wrinkled and he wasn't wearing shoes. But even _I_ could see the gaping hole in his soul that the loss of Carmen had created. I saw others around us try to avoid pulling their mates close to them, seeing such a wounded friend struck close to everyone's hearts.

"When I first noticed her ability, it was and still remains much like Demetri's, a tracking ability. Who knows what she is able to track. Evangeline," as he spoke he hadn't stopped looking at me, which made me a little uneasy when he'd been talking about me to the others.

"When you attacked Wei… do you remember what happened?" I nodded and told them, again, of what I'd felt and seen. Jasper added his side.

"The feeling is similar to what happened when a human is choked. It felt like I was slipping away. What Eva did, it stopped that feeling instantly."

Eleazar nodded slowly, his sad eyes still watching me. "Evangeline in light of what Shizuka told you, I believe you are able to track down things that threaten you and stop them. You wanted to save Jasper?"

"Of course," I stated.

"Those lights you see _could_ be specific. I cannot tell how specific, but the fact you were the aggressor had an effect as to how you utilized your ability."

I turned back around to look at my food. Propping my elbows on the table and I rested my head in my hands while my head hung over my plate.

Eleazar was quiet, and I got control of my own thoughts to look up at him again, he had moved around to the right side, nearest Esme.

"You didn't come out here to tell me what we were already thinking."

"No." He didn't have any energy behind his statement. And I could almost tell by the way dad was looking at me from behind Eleazar what he was going to tell me next.

"I don't think you can handle your own ability. The nosebleeds you've been having are a warning. None of the medical equipment can see what has caused it. But with how advanced you have become, while still being human, is a feat that I have never seen."

"But Bella…" I was confused; I glanced to where she was standing with Ren, Jake and Seth.

"Bella was only able to spread her shield over others when she became an immortal. You can already focus your ability enough that you are doing purposeful and effective things beyond what they were when we first met." Eleazar said lowly, there was no passion in his words. It was like he was simply going through the motions and I hated seeing him in pain like this.

I watched him for a long moment, he held my stare, and he reminded me of a pain I'd seen before. It looked like a familiar ghost to me, but I couldn't place it.

"There are two vampires out there that may be able to tell you definitively if using your ability while human could kill you."

Edward, sitting to my right tensed slightly, and Jasper sitting on a rocking chair with Alice sitting on the arm hissed.

"Aro and Phillipe are likely the only two may know what is happening to you." Carlisle told me with a delicate grimace on his face.

"Aro cannot find out about Evangeline's plans," Liam warned with a husky growl.

Tia spoke up with a bit of fearful resentment about how we could contact them on the phone.

Alice mentioned that Caius was deliberating coming with the next group to check on me, which would be horrible if it happened in the next month.

A few people looked angry at that. The discussion then turned to what was to be done. If they had information that could help figure out if I was going to die of an aneurism if I kept using my ability we weren't sure how to get it without making the Volturi suspicious.

"The answer is obvious..." Bella spoke up. "She just needs to avoid using it."

I scoffed at her with a bit of a laugh.

"I can't avoid using it anymore than you can avoid protecting yourself automatically- or Edward from hearing everyone's thoughts or Jasper from-"

"We get it," sympathetically Kate cut me off.

"We need to limit those that have contact with you to those that do not set off your lights," Dad added.

Tia grumbled as well as Kate.

I made the very short list of people that would be able to be around me without 1. Blurring me out so Alice couldn't see me and 2. Have any chance of setting off the lights

Edward was scowling with a petulant look when my gaze turned to look at the only one in the whole group who fell under those two provisos.

Kenji.

.~.

I hated going in to the kitchen lately. I was chagrin to do it only because of the giant calendar Rosalie had posted. The calendar had _very_ personal things displayed on it, for all to see. Not that a vampire needed it to help them remember, it was _just_ for me. Why it was in the kitchen next to the fridge was obvious to me.

Part of Rosalie wanted me to change my mind on the trade.

It was September 25th. In just over a week and a half Kenji and I were scheduled, yes actually _scheduled_ in big red marker, to try and make a baby.

Nothing set Seth off worse than that damn calendar.

According to my cycle and the calendar I was going to be ovulating just two days after my birthday. I stared at the circle two days after the marking for my birthday absent mindedly as I got a bottle of apple juice out of the fridge.

Kenji, in order to help us ease into our situation had suggested 'dates', which Edward and dad encouraged saying it would help make the process easier on me. Edward and I shared a sarcastic conversation on that shortly after the suggestion had been made.

I was allowed to see Seth or any of the 'blurr causers' for two hours each day. Seth wasn't really being his normal self, which I attributed to the fact the girl he loved was going to have a baby with another man. But unlike what I'd heard Jake had done to Bella, Seth never bullied me about his love. He never used it to make me feel worse about my situation.

I was out with Seth just spending a nice afternoon out among people, the conversation had been stinted until we walked by some Tv's at the electronics store we were shopping at.

There, on some of the monitors was a news story about and her death in last month's earthquake. One of my songs, "Last time I saw you" had sort of become an unofficial song of the disaster. It was played during a lot of the montages of film showing the work crews saving people.

It was eerie to see the images of my alter ego from magazine shoots, charity events, tours, or in the studio when I was recording, played to one of my own songs in memoriam. The news castor mentioned that the record label had enough unreleased song recordings of mine that they could potentially release two more albums posthumously for me.

Once out of the store Seth took my hand in his.

"You should have been able to have a longer career."

I shrugged, "I got the music out there that I wanted people to hear… I didn't really need a longer career."

"It's not just that." We stopped walking and he took a long look at me. I knew him well enough to know there was a lot he was not telling me. But he didn't say anything more with words, Seth leaned in and kissed me. His hot lips felt like a velvet blanket of warmth on my chilled ones. I forgot for a moment that I didn't want to complicate things further between us in this unsteady time and just let it happen.

It ended, much like a long sigh, slowly and with effort. It didn't have passion behind it and I found myself almost half heartedly regretting it. He wasn't smiling when he pulled back, but rather had a sort of satisfied look the bordered on smug.

When we got back to the house I understood better the smugness Seth had briefly shown. Kenji stalked past Seth when we came in, and muttered something coolly just loud enough for Seth to hear gave me a nod then both men left me and went outside.

It was getting dark and I couldn't see where Seth and Kenji went off to, but I wasn't sure I liked them going off like that. Curiosity over Kenji's reaction sent me looking for one of four people who could help enlighten me.

I found Toji sewing something by hand on a piece of silk near the woodpile in the mudroom.

"Not my place to say anything," He told me without even looking up. Before I could ask him he pointed to the stairs I'd just come down. "The last bedroom on the left."

Following his instructions, I thought I would be led to someone I wanted to talk to, I knocked on the door. When no one answered I opened it a bit.

I wasn't sure whose room this was assigned to but it looked like I'd interrupted something private as every surface had many tiny candles on it. All of them were lit and I could tell by the smell in the room that they hadn't been burning for very long.

"Do you like it?" Kenji asked from behind me, causing me to jump and shout in fright.

"Don't do that!" I said angrily turning on him. He looked contrite before gesturing to the room.

Huffing slightly, with no real anger behind it I looked the room over again. This must have been the room Kenji had been assigned.

_Damn it Toji._ I cursed him, because I wanted to talk to someone _about_ Kenji and Seth. Not talk _to_ Kenji.

"It looks alright… relaxing I suppose." I noticed there were two fluffy looking pillows on the bare carpet in the middle of the room.

"Would you like to come in?" he asked, and I heard the definite tone of measured hope.

Toji had wanted me here. Likely Kenji too. This was another one of those _dates_, I was sure of it. The last one Kenji had made me dinner and we had watched a movie in the living room with Bella and Edward on the other side of the room. I ate popcorn self-consciously the entire movie, which didn't detract from the overall awkwardness on the situation. Throughout the whole movie I had been asking Edward how this kind of together time with Kenji was going to help me be able to… have sex with him.

I guess this was either a solution Kenji had come up with or one Edward had thought up. In any case I made my way in the room. Because as much as I felt stress over what I agreed to do, if I was committed to doing this, I could at _very_ least make the most out of it. And hell, I could do worse than sitting with a very attractive man in a candle lit room.

Once I was sitting on the cushion with my legs tucked under me Kenji went the dresser where there was a bottle of something. I pouted lightly as he opened, what I could now tell was champagne.

"You guys are really trying hard aren't you?" I mused.

"Trying hard?" He joyfully asked as the cork popped.

I pushed my lips together hard. Coming from the simple high of being near Seth to sitting in the same room with the man I promised a child to was like splashing cold water on my brain. It was shocking, and I didn't like it. My crush on Kenji was as strong as ever. And although my feelings for Seth were still there, I noticed when he kissed me that they weren't as prominent anymore.

Not getting a quick enough response from me he poured a flute of champagne for me and sat on the other cushion once I took it from him.

"What do you propose us to do? I do not wish to make our situation any more awkward for you."

"Kenji, I don't think there is much you _can_ do," I took a sip, "I think maybe we should just treat this like a business deal, you know not try to make it all personal and-" I took a long breath in to collect some composure. "Would it be easier if we were in love like Bella and Edward were? Yes. But we **aren't**."

"I could make you fall in _love_ with me," was Kenji's response. His velvety calming deep voice caressed the word "love" and it had me momentarily thinking he was kidding. I avoided any eye contact by taking a long slow sip of my drink and looking around the room again.

"You don't think I could do it?" He chided his interest piqued on the topic.

"I don't want to be **tricked** in to loving someone Kenji. Even if it might help in this," I made a motion with my free hand to the two of us, "It wouldn't be right."

"I understand. No tricking then."

.~.

I had had my share of pelvic exams. But having your sister give you one, set things in a realm of awkward usually reserved for things like your mum walking in on you wanking. Alice had tried to set me at ease just before Rosalie set up the table to do the exam by saying it could be worse. We could have had Edward or Carlisle doing it.

As a courtesy Rose has soaked her hands in some hot water before attempting to do a full exam.

The lights were being forced away by a little bit of focus on my part, it didn't put too much strain on me but it did cause a headache. It didn't take her long, and I wasn't sure if she went quickly through everything for me or for herself.

"Everything looks good." She said with a light detached professional air.

I sat up after she pushed her little wheeled chair away, and desperately wanted the un-comfortableness to go away.

"Thank you Rose…" I murmured. This trade, as the day approached, felt more and more like both a bad idea and the _only_ option.

How was I going to pull this off? I needed this, I needed to not be so weak, and feel so vulnerable. I felt healthier than before, due to the extra food I was eating, and the light sleeping pills Carlisle had prescribed to me. So I was sleeping and eating alright. But there was that anxiety over still being human that wouldn't go away until I was changed. I only had to look at Nahuel when I was at Ren and Jakes house to be reminded of exactly why this _needed_ to happen. I wasn't foolish enough to think that I was the lynch pin in this war, but when I was a vampire at least I could **help**.

I was worried. And honestly I was scared. Only Edward knew how much I thought about the near future, and he promised not to tell the others but had left a message on the computer in my room informing me that I _should_ talk about it.

"Rose," I weakly said as I saw her finish putting the supplies away. She turned; her perfect blonde hair pulled into a low loose braid and waited for me to continue. "How am I going to do this?" I asked insecurely.

Her brows crinkled in the middle and a long sweet sigh left her barely parted lips. Sitting back down on the little stool she slid it over to be right in front of me again. She was about to put her hands on top of mine as they rested on my knees, but she thought better of it.

"Take it one thing at a time Eva. We are all going to be here for you, and no matter what we'll make sure you are okay."

"That's not-I know, but I mean. Physically. I have _tried_ to picture it, imagine what it'll be like and every time it makes my stomach turn."

"You are talking about… the pregnancy or before-"

"Before." I replied instantly. Rose's eyes widened slightly, and I started to shake with worry over the matter, the anxiety over having sex with a vampire, one I _didn't_ love, was likely to dissolve this whole arrangement before it really got started.

"Kenji- he'll be careful."

I had only briefly thought about the possibility he could kill me while we were in the middle of the act, but now that Rose thought that was what I was worried about it made that concern increase.

"Yes, there is _that_," I began my voice giving away to my panic, "But how can I _do it_ with him, I still…" I couldn't say it out loud. I couldn't. Edward could know. Seth could know. But I could not tell the whole house and whoever was within hearing range that I still loved Seth.

The knock at the door startled me and Alice didn't wait for permission before coming in. She had a drink in her hand and a box of tissues.

The drink had whiskey in it that much I could smell.

"Take some deep breaths Eva," Alice cooed.

I drank the full glass, then took a tissue and blew my nose.

"Let Kenji woo you." Rosalie advised once I had calmed some. I was taken aback slightly by her advice.

"He might not like it, but if you think it could help maybe you could have a few drinks beforehand. It'll relax you." Alice added gesturing to the empty glass.

It was definitely a good idea.

"Just remember we'll all be cheering for you." Alice said happily. Rosalie and I both tried to hide the laughter that was bursting to come out after her statement.

"Alice, I don't think she needs a visual of us cheering her on while she and Kenji have sex." Rose said observantly.

"Too late because I think that's the only visual I will have in my head now." I groaned half heartedly.

Alice picked up a tongue suppresser off the counter and poked me with it.

"Maybe we should buy pompoms," Rose said thoughtfully.

I lost it then. Alice's and her soft high laugh followed me. And although I knew the serious conversation was over, and not much had been figured out. I felt better.

.~.

The clasp was stiff. But I managed to open it and get the loop in on the first try. I turned the necklace so the clasp was at the back and looked in the mirror.

Carlisle's pendant rested on my collar bone, the cool glass was warming quickly with my body heat. My eyes flicked to the various scars on my face and neck. Then they traveled down to my arms, scars seemed to mar all of my body. Once I was a vampire they would all be gone. I turned my hands over from bracing me over the counter top, the branding marks were still a puckering red, and they itched once in a while. Looking at them I couldn't wait till they were gone. To be erased by venom.

There was a sort of grieving still in me as I looked at the other necklace on the counter. I wasn't avoiding it any longer. The locket was going to be sent to Andala, it was what Akharad had asked of me. I had woken up in the middle of the night from a nightmare. Upon waking by Kenji gently nudging me I had taken the box with both necklaces into the bathroom. I wished my mum or Jasper or any of my family really had been the one to wake me. But as it had been decided they couldn't touch me excessively and Kenji seemed to always be nearby he was the logical one to help me escape my nightmares.

Unfolding the envelope already addressed I lifted the heavy locket off the counter. Barely pressing my lips to the cool metal I closed my eyes. I remembered the words Wei spoke, how he had told me of my mother still being alive. And I understood as I held Akharad's family momento she was lost to me, even if alive. She was gone. The same could be said of Akharad. It was time to let him go.

I put the locket in to the envelope and without a word to Kenji, who was now watching me curiously as I crossed my room, opened the door. Jasper, probably sent by Alice, was waiting for me.

"I'll send it in the morning. You get some more sleep. Big day tomorrow." He tried to hide his smirk and I stuck my tongue out at him before turning around.

"Is everything alright?" Kenji asked once I had closed my door. I had gotten used to him being around me that I had forgotten he probably should be on the other side of the door.

I nodded and crawled back in to bed, Kenji turned off the light a moment later, and I felt the dip of the mattress as he sat down near me. Not sure if he was planning to stay, and not sure I cared either way I tried to get comfortable.

"How old were you when you were changed Kenji?" I asked after a while where I couldn't really relax.

"I don't remember." He said softly. He could see me, and my reaction easily in the pitch dark room and I heard him sigh probably at the shocked face I'd made. "I was likely in my mid thirties. We didn't keep that close of a count on our age back in my village. Or at least I think that is the case."

The thought that I would be 21 forever played in my mind. I had originally hoped to be able to get to an age where I could look like another adult to help the charade work. I could have been Carlisle's older sister… or something like that. But tomorrow I would be 21, and soon, definitely before my next birthday rolled around, I would be a vampire.

The party tomorrow would involve everyone. Most of the human eating vampires had stopped celebrating birthdays; even Nahuel hadn't had any sort of celebration for a birthday since he was 50. But everyone seemed excited to celebrate mine. I hadn't known they were excited until Maggie came up to me, as close as they were allowed to get which was 7 feet, and asked what I wanted for a gift. I told her I wanted a panda, as a joke, but apparently she took it to heart. And part of me was excited to see if the Irish coven could manage to get me a one.

"When Ichiro was growing up, did you celebrate his birthday?"

The dark in the room made it feel like I was just talking to myself, or that I was still dreaming. There was a tickle of interest in me to use this feeling and setting to find out more about Kenji. Maybe if I knew more about him I would find something I liked and it would be enough to look past the fact he was a vampire, and we were going to have sex.

Kenji seemed to enjoy talking about Ichiro, because from that one question he talked about the birthdays they had celebrated. They had gone to the Great Barrier Reef one year, sampled shark and dolphin. Ichiro fell in love with a little Malaysian girl when they stayed there for a few months, he had been 5 years old at the time, but looked closer to 15. I was entertained by the vividness or the stories and how happy Kenji seemed to be talking about Ichiro. I started to drift, and was sure Kenji could tell because he stopped talking.

I didn't have the energy to say goodnight, or even thank him for the stories. But I as I fell asleep I knew one thing that would come out of this decision to have Kenji's child, that little baby would be loved completely by him.

.~.

I was wearing a silky soft light pink and peach dress, matching gloves and stockings. If I hadn't known better I'd say I looked like a southern debutant in a light autumn dress. Alice had pulled the light feminine adult look off well. I looked far more mature than 21. I felt it too, which was mostly because of all that had happened to me in the last year.

The grandeur of the party was astounding. They had set it up at the 3rd house, dubbed the 'Candy Cottage' by Ren when she had been little, as it looked like an extremely large version of the gingerbread house from Hansel and Grettle. Someone had set up a large tent, like the size for an impressive banquet. There were balloons and streamers and twinkle lights, even in midday when I saw all of it, it look beautiful. Under the tent was a huge flat area that the vampires must have installed over the last few days. Of course it was a roller rink. A big garish DJ station that Emmett was proudly standing at told me of a battle won against Alice. I had to hold back laughter when I caught the sight of the large bulky looking box at the end of the rink they'd made. It looked completely out of place.

There was a modest stack of impeccably wrapped gifts at the other end of the tent, and a table that would hold food for those that would be partaking. Everyone was dressed as if this was the party of the century. Most of the women, myself included, had long flowing dresses. The men had such varying style of formal wear I could have watched them all night. Edward was the most entrancing he had something I imagined was either from or based off of something from his human days. It was the first time since living with them I'd found myself actually blushing when looking at him.

"Like what you see huh?" He chided nudging me in the side.

"You don't get to make fun of the birthday girl." I snapped back with a giggle.

"Understood. Now has Alice told you her itinerary?" he asked.

"I zoned out." I smiled widely. I stopped paying attention after she mentioned a water fight scheduled after the formal dancing and concert to be performed by various clutch members. The formal dancing and luncheon was first, then skating, then presents, then something…

"Concert."

_Right_, I sighed mentally. Edward gave me an encouraging smile, his gold eyes reflecting what I assumed was pride.

"I don't think I've told you how beautiful you look yet." He added going through the motions of giving me an unnecessary full scan. I ran my hands down my bare arms and nodded, though I didn't agree with the compliment I still liked hearing it.

"Way to steal my thunder," said a classy voice. I jumped turning to see a gorgeous blonde in a silky blue outfit. It took me only a second to realize Tanya was wearing a Kimono.

I forgot myself and squealed happily seeing her and jumped the four feet between us hugging her around the neck.

Up until I saw her I hadn't realized how much her absence had bothered me. I pulled away as soon as I felt the tingle, which meant I barely touched her. The area where my arm had wrapped around her had been covered in the fine rich fabric of her kimono.

"Your brother stole my lines," she said shrewdly casting a glare over my shoulder to Edward; I stepped back and sighed happily. "You look-" Tanya took a long breath in shaking her head slightly, an astonished smile on her face. "Amazing Eva, truly."

"Thanks Tanya," I gave Edward a pleasant smile and he looked back towards Bella, who had just come out of the house. He mumbled something to us about husbandly duties.

"They aren't going to go off and have sex are they?" I crinkled my nose up watching Edwards retreating back. Tanya burst out into poorly stifled laughter.

"Husbandly duty indeed," she snorted.

It wasn't long before I had sat down outside of the tent with Tanya to talk about all that had happened while she'd been away. All the while vampires zipped around setting up the last platters of food. She and Ichiro had arrived the day before and spent most of the time with her family grieving privately for Carmen. Tanya sharply ordered me not to cry when it was brought up; she said that it was a day to celebrate. Then we talked about her time in Japan and meeting the other Japanese coven members, and keeping guard over Shizuka.

"I don't blame you Eva, but that is not how I envisioned my first weeks with my mate, having to babysit a raging vampire days on end."

"Kinda killed the romance huh?" I joked weakly.

"Sucked it dry-" Seth said pulling up next to me. "Sorry to break this up, the food is all finished and you can come back inside the tent," He casually waved to the party starting up. I blushed slightly taking him in; he was wearing a white tux. I had never seen him wear something so nice and I was happily surprised.

.~.

All the presents given to me were thoughtful. The Irish coven hadn't gotten me a panda, not a real one anyway. They did give me a giant stuffed one that when it was set up resting on its haunches I could sit in its lap like a thrown. Benjamin and Tia gave me unbelievably soft bedding and sheet set, which Tia explained that it might help me sleep better in the days to come. It was such a simple yet warm gift my gratitude was completely real.

Jake, Seth, Nahuel and Ren went in on a gift that couldn't be unwrapped but promised they would give it to me at the concert once the sun set in a few hours.

Emmett, Jasper, Garrett, Tanya, Kate, and Alice had gone in on buying over four thousand dollars worth of alcohol for me.

My mouth popped open when they took the tarp of the intricately displayed brand new bottles of booze.

"I am not going to be able to drink all of this in… two days." I said flatly.

"We're going to make you a bunch of different drinks so you know which your favorite is."Kate said merrily.

I pulled a confused face.

"Most of us do not know which type alcohol was our favorite when human; they figured you should at least have the chance to find out." Edward whispered to me.

I shrugged and then realized some of the group had left the tent. Kenji, Toji and Ichiro were all absent.

"Alice do you know what drink I'll like the most?" I asked her as Jasper and Emmett furiously tried to put a cocktail together for me.

"Nope, not yet, I have an idea. But Ichiro has been around all day, along with those mutts so it's hard to see," she jerked a tiny thumb towards where Jake was prowling along the bar setup, Seth was staring longingly at what looked like a section of scotch.

Edward, Bella, Carlisle, Esme and Rosalie gave me a brand new acoustic guitar. New to me. It had once belonged to Johnny Cash. I think I fainted when I found that out, or maybe just zoned out holding it. But I was speechless for no less than four minutes with a lost completely giddy look on my face. In my mind no gift could top that one.

I was stroking the strings of my guitar when I saw movement just beyond the tables we were gathered at. I saw Toji's awkward walk, and then noticed Kenji's tall stature.

But as they got closer I saw that Ichiro had something in his arms. I stood from my spot and noticed everyone had gotten really quiet. Ichiro handed the thing in his arms to Kenji about twenty feet away; they were trying to be sneaky and did it at an angle.

I shifted among the ruins of the wrapping paper I'd shredded getting to my other gifts. Alice had wrapped a bottle of Vodka for me before they revealed their actual gift. Unwrapping the giant panda had been as Tanya said, "A taste of what immortal Eva will do to her meals."

Kenji said nothing to me as he stepped closer, my mouth fell open, and a sound I would swear had not come from me sprung out of me. It was part wail of shock, part giddy laugh and part swoon.

In his arms was a tiny little puppy. It was about the size of a shoe and unbearably adorable.

"Otanjoubi omedatou," he said to me as he passed the little guy to me. The puppy looked apprehensively back to Kenji before turning to look at me, it sniffed my hand then its little tail started to wag furiously.

_Oh MY GOD_! I kept saying in my head, because honestly I couldn't believe it. It wasn't really hard for me to understand why I was so blown away by the puppy. I'd _always_ wanted a dog. I'd never ever imagined I would be able to have one, especially not after learning what the Cullen's were and how animals typically reacted to them. Happy tears came to my eyes as the little guy licked my palm, right over Zhan's branding mark.

Such a tender thing, so simple, done by such an innocent little thing made me sniffle. I buried my face in his tiny body. He had perky little ears and a tightly curled little tail. The coat was a cream and tan color and once I lifted him up over my head to look at him better I realized it was a girl.

_Oops_, I thought to Edward sheepishly.

"Thank you," I said elatedly looking to the three Japanese men. Toji nodded his head, a small smile on his otherwise completely blank face. Ichiro winked at me before going off to stand by Tanya.

Needless to say I sat in the grass just outside the tent with my puppy, Ren, Tia, Bella, Esme, Edward, Jasper and Alice for a long while. Alice had complained about my dress getting dirty, but it was going to be taken off shortly for roller skating anyway so it was dropped quickly.

My little pup wasn't scared of the vampires exactly. It was very wary of them. Well, it liked Jasper for some reason, and I suspected it was the happy and secure feelings he was subtly feeding the dog when got closer to him while playing. She bounded to me her tail wagging, her mouth holding a giant piece of wrapping paper we were playing tug with.

"Got a name in mind?" Bella asked when the puppy scampered too close to her and then realized its mistake and shot back towards me.

Shaking my head I announced my desire for suggestions.

Tia's suggestion made me laugh.

"What?" She defended her unique accent dancing in her response.

"'Appetizer' is a cruel name for her!" I managed to get out laughing, the little pup running back and forth between myself and Edward with the paper.

"I have always liked the name Buttercup." Alice added merrily while she waved a stuffed toy at it. Where she gotten it I hadn't a clue, but likely she saw a dog coming into our lives and planned accordingly.

I tried it out on the feisty beast. She ignored me in favor of Alice's toy.

"She's just a little butt," Ren said smarmily.

At the last word the shiba inu barked happily and scampered off to Ren, successfully nabbing the toy from a frozen Alice.

It seemed like the little gal picked out her own name. Alice had seen my decision and groaned loudly, causing the pup to bark again and run back towards me.

"Officially she'll be Buttercup," I proclaimed. Alice groaned again and lept up.

"Unofficially?" Esme unsurely asked.

"Little Butt," Ren and I said at the same time.

.~.

I was legitimately drunk by sunset. I was just a shade passed buzzed, when both Esme and Alice proclaimed I was done for a while. _My_ not drinking didn't stop the un-able-to-get drunk men from singing dirty sea shanties.

I'd already had my cake, and ate an extravagant dinner. Everyone in the family made me a drink what they thought I would like and I ended up liking Alice's honey, raspberry, basil vodka concoction the best. The concert had been a blast, and because of Ichiro I was able to dance with everyone and not worry about a random nose bleed. Edward nearly made me throw up by trying to do swing dancing with me.

He'd apologized claiming Ichiro was running interference on my thoughts. Nahuel enjoyed puppy sitting when I was too busy to watch her, it looked like Toji was going to have to give one to the male hybrid by how loving he was with her.

Alice had disappeared shortly before the coffee was given to me.

The end of my 21th birthday party was much like my 18th in that Alice had set a field a light with fireflies. Nahuel actually carried my tipsy self out to the field where they'd been released, just as the sun set. It was as magical as it had been that first time. And because of the alcohol all my emotions were close to the surface.

I don't consciously remember grabbing Nahuel's hand as I started to walk through the field, and as I pulled him along while I observed their dance among the grass, sadness and love warred within me.

"I was almost seven…"I whispered remembering a time when I hadn't known what suffering was. "My grandpa Knights house, the one he left my mum, had an old trolley, one I used to pretend had been used back in the 1800's in the back garden. It was rusty and moldy in parts with moss covering it. But at night, on rare clear nights I would go out there and lay on it." There was a breeze and I closed my eyes letting Nahuel's hand fall from mine as I spread my arms wide. The world was so fuzzy, and so close, and everything felt like it was spinning around me.

"Whoa," I stumbled, and I was caught by someone and helped to sit down. In my drunken haze I forgotten it was Nahuel.

"Why are you out here with me and not Seth?" I asked bluntly, blinking quickly. Nahuel smiled at me timidly, and knelt down next to me.

"He wasn't sure you would want him out here with you." He said kindly.

I nodded, pouting slightly.

"Tell me more about your grandpa's back garden," his soft tenor eagerly urged.

I had forgotten I was telling a story.

"Oh right," I grinned and stretched my arms above my head and slowly laid down. The little lightning bugs swirling around us in their little mating dance.

"I hadn't told my mum where I was, and went out just before the sun set, it was… near this time of year-anyway- I was singing to myself when my mum came outside with a giant thermos full of hot cocoa and a blanket. We sat-" I paused, realizing how sad that memory was. Because whether it was due to the alcohol or the similar evening, the memory felt so sharp. I closed my eyes and I could almost feel the scratchy wool blanket my mum draped over me. "We sat together on that dirty, filthy, flimsy old cart for what must have been hours. We watched those bugs, we sang and I- eventually I fell asleep." My mouth snapped shut after I hurriedly went through my story. He was silent and I chanced him a look in the failing light. I saw shadows of the vampires off on the far end of the field and waved automatically.

"That was a lovely story," he said. I had trouble focusing on what he'd meant, then I remembered telling him the story.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled rolling on to my side. The outfit Alice had picked out for me was definitely dirty now. "I can't focus," I sighed labouredly.

He laughed it off.

Suddenly, a realization hit me, which was that this might be the last time I was able to sit outside like this near the bugs I was so fond of. And I got up as quickly as I could, Nahuel and someone else made a shout of surprise as I giggled and ran wild through the grass and dirt. I drunkly whooped and laughed as I ran at the lightning bugs. They flew up in groups, far above my head. I smiled at them and tried to catch some while running, which wasn't a good idea.

Nahuel caught me, before I even realized I was falling.

"Whoa there," he chuckled, as I was dipped back. His warm arms reminded me of Seth's and I told him so.

"But I can't kiss either of you," I sighed dramatically and tried to wiggle away from his arms, Nahuel carefully set me back on my feet, with a stern warning to keep my feet under me.

Alice interrupted my pout by shouting across the field.

"Sober up will ya!" I heard some others laugh and I stuck my tongue out in the general direction of the vampire crowd.

The last part of my night I was sitting on a tree stump, in the same field, a soft blanket around my shoulders. Esme was sitting next to me on a folding chair, Carlisle standing on my other side with his hand comfortingly on my shoulder. Buttercup was on my lap, as I sat in the dark waiting for my surprise to happen.

I heard mum counting down from five and looked around, squinting all the while, to try and see what it was. When she reached one the sky erupted into a blast of lights and noise.

Fireworks.

At first there was no more than two at a time, and then slowly, after two minutes, they increased in number. My hands were covering my open mouth as the entire Canadian night sky was awash with sparkling color, fire, and noise. I had been too overwhelmed by the light show to realize there was music being played, but when my brain registered the sound I tried to find the source.

Kenji, standing roughly twenty feet away, was professionally playing a violin. The flashes of light from the fireworks played off of his pale skin, and the way his eyes were half closed as he enjoyed making music. It was a similar face that Edward would make when playing the piano. As if no one else was around and the music was letting his soul speak.

He was beautiful. The music was magical, and the lights were amazing. I licked my lips unsure if I could tear my eyes away from the beauty of Kenji making music in the brilliant lights of the fireworks.

Blaming the alcohol for my thoughts as I watched him I wondered if I could enjoy our time together. I wondered if maybe I was being premature in thinking I couldn't like it, or that I would hate having sex with him. And it wasn't the sex that had me reluctant anyway, it was the fact I didn't love him and we would be doing something so intimate. Despite the real reasons for doing it, having the baby so I could be turned, if I was at least _open_ to loving Kenji it would make all the difference to me.

He continued to play and I forced myself to watch the fireworks again. They had been going on for a good five minutes without sign of slowing. Kenji changed the tempo of his never ending song and the fireworks doubled. Someone was going to notice, were we outside of town, but not that far outside. But it seemed like no one cared.

The grand finale of pyrotechnics lasted two full minutes, the air was full of loud thunderous booms, that somehow Kenji was able to use as if they were drum beats for his song. Blues rippled in the air mixing with silver and green. Red and gold colored the entire field as if it were sunrise. I closed my eyes for a moment and felt wonder as the lights, for the first time, played on the outside of my head. I couldn't keep them closed for long because it really was too beautiful and mesmerizing to not take all of it in.

When it was done I sat there trying to make room in my head for the emotions I felt as I watched the now empty darkness. I hadn't been ready for it to be over. I hadn't been ready for the fireworks to begin with. I was elated with the gift, overwhelmed with the prospects of what that meant. My party was over, maybe not officially but basically it was. I was 21. You could no longer really call me a girl, not that I'd really been a girl since I'd been raped. Or even before that, I lost part of my childhood the night my mum didn't come home. But now I was firmly in the adult period of my life. And soon, probably before November, I would be frozen at this point in time. It only took a glance at my mum smiling happily at my dad over my shoulder as I smiled a silly drunken smile, to understand what that meant.

I was never going to change. After Kenji injected me with his venom, I would never grow. And I think, though I knew it but never admitted it, it scared me a little. In the haze I found myself relating to Rosalie yet again. I came in to this family at an age younger than most of them. Now I was only younger than Esme and Carlisle. They had all watched as I went through stages in my life where I became a different person each day. And suddenly I wasn't just scared of having sex with a vampire, for the first time while I let Esme think I was overwhelmed with the show of fireworks, I was terrified of becoming one of them. Necessity or not it didn't take away the jolt of "I never wanted this" to overtake me.

Maybe it was sane of me to have these thoughts. But I felt like I was betraying them or myself by feeling that way. I scanned the approaching vampires in the dim of the sliver of moon light, they had been the ones lighting the fireworks and presumably cleaning up. I saw Edwards lean figure, and bit of his bronze hair in the dark.

He was the keeper of all secrets, and when he came up to me and asked, with a big smile, how I enjoyed the show. I had no problem pouring all my emotions into an emphatic reaction. Inside though, we both knew how tormented I was.

_I can't tell them_, I softly answered the look in his eyes after the rest of the group joined us. To help assuage, or maybe push aside my fears I held Buttercup close to me. She hadn't been afraid of the loud booms from the fireworks, but the more vampires that crowded around me the shakier she got.

.~.

Mum tucked me in. And I kept my smile up, the one that told her of how happy I was, when I was just realizing that I wasn't as happy or healed as I thought. After she left Alice knocked on the door.

"I knew the fireflies were a great choice again." She said while she lifted Buttercup back on to my bed, the little pup tried to follow Esme to the door and couldn't jump back onto the bed.

"They were. You just seem to know when I need to see them," I sighed sleepily. Alice's cheerful smile broke and she gave me an odd look.

"Your birthdays always seem like the perfect time." Her voice was careful, unsure if she had grasped my original meaning.

I sat up a bit on my elbows, confused at her confusion. "And the time at the camp…" I began, not really sure if I could continue.

She stared at me, not quite blankly but there was a certain lacking of knowing how to respond look on her face.

"What about the camp?" she asked carefully, now sitting on the bed. Little Butt took a spot in between my legs and rested her head on my calf.

"The fireflies at camp. Just before Ren contacted me."

The silence that passed between us made me realize her lack of remembering was because she _hadn't_ had anything to do with those fireflies.

"Eva…" she seemed not to know what to say, and that was definitely something for Alice.

"I thought you sent them," I admitted bitterly, I looked down at my new little puppy to avoid her stare.

"I wish that I could take credit." She whispered.

It didn't matter. Not really. Whether those bugs were there by accident or put there it didn't diminish the importance they held for me. It did make me a little sad over the fact that it was a false hope. But that hope false or real had kept me going.

I dismissed it, telling her my thoughts on the matter, but it only made her black eyebrows mash together on her forehead.

"Perhaps… it was a sign." She said finally.

I hadn't ever been the type to believe in signs. But ever sense my biological father turned up as a werewolf when I'd been adopted by vampires I would have had hard pressed to put that scenario into a category aside from being a 'sign'. So I nodded in agreement. Alice briefly leaned in to hug me, kissing my temple quickly and lightly not wanting to cause my lights to start up.

"Remember beauty day all day tomorrow." She jumped away from the bed, gave Buttercup a pat on the head and left.

I turned out the light and thought of my birthday party, and my new soft as a whisper bedding I was laying in. I realized I was under a lot of unseen pressures, and aside from the fact I had just learned something trivial but thought provoking, I figured I was handling them alright.

Dealing with my newly emerged fear for becoming an unchanging immortal would have to come at the same time as dealing with having sex with a vampire then having a baby with the same vampire. At least that vampire was Kenji.

..~..

..~..

AN: Well hello there. It's been a while hasn't it? I have a plan to help make you part of the action from here on out. Want faster updates?

Well here is my deal. Up _until_ chapter 30 I will update a new chapter for every **six** _new reviews_ I get. Yes I am holding new chapters at ransom for a while. But it should be easy, because we have Eva and Kenji's baby coming soon and I need name suggestions, gender guesses, and all of that good stuff. So review, and upon my sixth review I will update chapter 26**.  
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Would an evil laugh be too much here...?


	26. Conception

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

AN: Alrighty everyone I once read that there are very few people that can write good/great sex scenes. And I tend to agree with them so the sex scene isn't long. For the record, yes there is a sex scene in this chapter(*gasp*), for that reason it is a rated M chapter, I will put a marker at the spot for those of you that do not wish to read it and you can skip the rest of the chapter.

For those of you reading this you may thank SilverAngel1234, Kaylee2191, Hats.96, Geriana, tinawin, and foxface15 for the quick update (It is 1:51am where I am and I noticed foxfaces review so I kept my promise to update as soon as I got 6 reviews.) If any of you that reviewed wish me to remove your mention here please PM to let me know.

**Panthalassa : High Tide  
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**Chapter 26 - Conception  
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Three weeks had past much too quickly. I had spent the last two days being pampered by all of my family, and what I considered friends. Tia had a hard time dealing with her blood lust but was determined to show her support for me.

I hadn't seen Seth since the morning after my birthday party. And I wasn't imagining his sullen slightly withdrawn attitude then. I didn't blame him, and I didn't try to push him in to talking about it. But sometimes there were no words that could make things okay, and me committing to having a baby for Kenji couldn't be made _okay_ with words. We both knew why I did it. And it hurt, him probably more than me, but knowing of the pain I was causing us both wouldn't change a thing.

Ichiro had been forced to stand outside the room as Alice gave me an expert massage, and Rosalie gave me a mani-pedi. Bella had filled one of the bathroom's tubs with some sort of seaweed kelp mud bath that I was sure I was going to hate. Alice even bravely waxed my bikini line. But that had been more of a silent plea on my part. With how fine their sight was, a little extra hair wasn't going to bother Kenji, but it made a difference to me.

I barely slept the night from the 3rd going into the 4th. My body had regained much of the stress lost at the skilled hands of my sisters. So to help I tried something, something I hadn't done in years, full well knowing a house full of vampires could likely hear me.

I touched myself.

Trying to mentally prepare myself for what Kenji and I were going to do. I tried to fantasize about him, _tried_ to feel more than just the rush of lust that came when looking at his sculpted face. Lust would normally have been enough, but I was so _resistant_ to the idea of a human-vampire coupling that it was a hurdle my libido wasn't up to jumping. I couldn't really get in to it as Seth's face or Kevin's kept slyly replacing Kenji's in my mind. There was even an awkward frustrated moment that my focus slipped enough and Edward's face popped into my mind. Not sexually by any means, but the fact I thought of him at all, which was because I was worried about my thoughts bothering him, made me stop. I threw my hands up in frustration after throwing the covers off of myself.

It seemed that although I guessed this process wasn't going to be the worst thing I had ever done, it would certainly be very stressful. In fact, it already was.

Breakfast was tense. Bella had made me an omelet along with cut up fruit and a steak. The steak had been a personal request. How many days was I going to be able to enjoy food? Alice had a huge mound of different fine chocolates and candies from the finest places around the world in her room. I had free reign over the pile and just about had a sugar coma the last two days. I didn't think I could ever be sick of chocolate, but I was conceivably close to that line.

It was just me, Bella and Kate in the house.

"So…" I began as I fed a scrap of egg to Little Butt. "Where is everyone?"

Kate ran a hand through her corn silk hair and gave me a catlike smile.

"Tanya, Ichiro, Edward and Nahuel are giving Kenji 'pointers'," she air quoted the last word. I pulled a shocked look. "Emmett's words not ours. I don't think Kenji _needs_ pointers. But he seemed _distinctly_ nervous as you started waking up."

The blush spread across my face, wondering who had heard my attempts to arouse myself.

"Only Kate and I were here for… well right after you woke up." Bella delicately said. She rested her arms on the table and Kate took the seat next to me giving me plenty of space between our bodies.

I thanked god for that.

"So everyone else is... gone?"

I knew the plan was to make sure Kenji and I had perfect _absolute_ privacy in the afternoon, as it was scheduled to happen. But the thought that everyone had already cleared out let me wonder if I might get an hour alone to prepare myself.

"Rosalie will be back at three to give you a final exam. You know to document everything." Kate explained. Her tone was light and she picked a fatty piece of the steak off my plate, using her nails more effectively than a knife, and gave the puppy the piece. Buttercup danced around my legs trying to beg for more scraps after successfully getting some from Kate.

Somehow I thought that there would be some sort of "Good luck" speech from different members of the family. I was unexpectedly relieved when I knew that wouldn't happen. This afternoon was going to be difficult and I didn't need the added awkwardness of my brothers wishing me luck on getting pregnant.

"We're… we actually stayed Eva just in case you wanted some advice. Or if you had any questions." Kate added. Bella looked like she had been about to say something, but had the distinct look of someone that would be blushing if she could. As modern as Bella was, I often got the impression she had a prudish streak that matched well with Edward.

"How hard it is going to be?" I blurted out.

Kate gave me an understanding look.

"He'll **be** careful. He already promised not to breath if that ensures the blood lust-" A blush that I couldn't hide instantly spread over my face. Kate had thought I mean the _act_. Which was an easy assumption to make based on how I phrased the question. She snapped her mouth shut when she realized she had the wrong train of thought.

"In its… natural state without being erect it will be just as hard as one of our fingers. I doubt you'll be able to tell a real difference in hardness, more likely you'll just notice the size…" Bella stated, trying to sound clinical. She trailed off too prematurely to pull it off and we exchanged an uneasy lapse in conversation.

"It isn't entirely the same, but coming from the vampire dealing with a human sexually, the best thing you can do is be vocal if he is hurting you." Kate supplied.

My blush receded. Then she added an un-necessary sentence that made me a bit woozy.

"That's how I lost my control most of the time, was when I would do too much and… and well something would start to bleed." That _something_ was more than likely a penis being ruptured or something along those lines.

"Thanks Kate, so Kenji may inadvertently tear my cervix apart with his concrete hard penis." I said bitterly, stabbing at the rest of my breakfast.

Bella tried to hide the laugh but failed. I gave her a stony glare and she realized this wasn't the time. Maybe if this had been a conversation done two weeks ago I could have laughed, but with said concrete hard male genitalia hours away from my future I was not in the mood for light banter.

I longed for a turkey baster.

The minutes ticked by as I ate the last of my food. I was unsure how I actually managed to eat, not feeling particularly hungry. It was for the best though, I needed to eat _something_. I wasn't sure if I would be able to once it got closer to my checkup with Rose.

It was only nine am; Kenji would be here at three. If I didn't have more to ask Bella or Kate would they let me be here alone? Did I want that much time by myself?

A sarcastic chuckle broke free in my mind. Had I really changed so much that absolute privacy was mystifying? I used to crave it, need it, and actively seek it out. That was only because I didn't like the people around me. I never really liked many of my foster parents, the Thorp's I could have loved, but even the other children in the house only ever seemed to irritate me. Thinking on it, maybe that was why I thought I liked Cole. Maybe it was because he was the only person, at the time; I could stand to be near.

"Eva, if you really don't want to do this then just-"

"No Bella," I said softly, barely a whisper cutting her off. I didn't _want_ to do this. I **needed** to. "I am worrying too much." I told her and myself. And really, I was. Kenji was a decent man. And really I should be more worried about the pregnancy than the sex.

Bella and Kate left after I told them I was okay. I asked Bella to leave the dishes for me and when they left I brought them to the kitchen. But I just stood in front of the sink. If Kate and Bella hadn't taken Buttercup when they left I probably would have spent time playing with her.

I ended up in my room on the computer, something I hadn't done in a long time. It had been months and it was completely strange to me, I'd never gone that long in all my life without touching a computer. Sure you could argue that the Media Mix was a computer, but its keyboard wasn't the same. And it took me a while to remember how to fit my fingers over the keys. I didn't know what I wanted to do, or look up online, 'sex tips' was typed into the search bar, but I quickly deleted it. I wasn't going to try and _please_ Kenji. Eventually I opened my email.

Over 1000 new messages since I last checked it back in late May, back when we'd visited the MacAvoy's. A lot of the emails were spam from my old school. Some were bank statements, there was a few from Rigby, my old boss at '42'. A few from Mrs. Jordan wondering how I was. But when I culled down the messages to important ones I was floored by how many Kevin had sent me.

The first one was sent about three days after the earth quake. It was simple and short; wanting to make sure I was okay. He had been keeping tabs on and heard I was supposed to be out there. Two days later he sent another email. This time it was a little more urgent.

Kevin sent one each day after that for almost week. The last email was sent on the day they had officially announced that "my" remains were found at the club I had been playing at. He wasn't particularly eloquent. And by the spelling errors and random spacing that even grammar correction software would have trouble fixing, I knew he had been crying. But I read it and fixed the errors as I went so it would make sense.

"_I know you'll never read this or any of my other emails. Ange, I don't know what to say I don't- I can't believe this, you can't be gone. It isn't fair you deserved to be happy you deserved to live after all that happened to you. I should have supported you more, I shouldn't have been so selfish and I am sorry. I am so sorry. I wish you could have known how important you were to me; I wish I had told you how I fell in love with your smile and your laugh long before I knew your name. There are so many things I wish I could have done for you or told you. I know how alone you'd been and for how long, and I am sorry. I don't know what else to say, I don't even know why I am writing this. You should have known, because I should have told you, I will always remember you. Not as some singer, or some broken girl, but a girl who could laugh on a rainy day and make the world feel brighter. Your fans will love you, and for generations you will be missed. But when I am an old man facing all of my regrets, not telling you all of this in person when I had the chance will be at the top of my list. I will be bringing your memorial at Land Ocean studios a bouquet of lilies. I think they were your favorite. Rest in peace my Angel_."

I sat there, after reading it, tears slowly winding their way down my cheeks. Giving up my own wishes by being a member of the Cullen family was something I had taken in stride. Because ever since I was 10 I was being controlled, manipulated. Moving out after finding out about the betrayal had opened my eyes to my own potential. My own strength. I was a singular person. I was in control of my own fate for the first time. Not really, seeing as how I 'knew the secret' about vampires, but it was the freest I had ever been. No school to depress me, no uncaring foster parents looking after me, nothing was holding me back. Kevin had been a part of that freedom, however small, and now that I was facing a bleak future I missed what I had then.

Kevin thought I was dead. He would mourn me. He and Dr. Reynolds were likely the only two people that would. A lifetime, 21 years and only two people, humans I corrected my thoughts, would miss me... My whole family would miss me for an eternity if something happened to me. I knew that. And that thought cheered me slightly.

I closed my email, unwilling to bother with the rest of it. That email from Kevin must have been some sort of therapy for him.

Looking at a clock I cursed as it had only taken me forty minutes to sort through what little of my emails I could. I decided to again attempt what I had in the morning. Getting my body in the mood was likely going to help in the long run, besides I knew it was a great stress reliever.

.~.

After I made a light lunch, of a cut up apple and carrot sticks I played my new guitar. I watched some cartoons on the TV, and as it got closer to 2pm I popped open a bottle of wine. Halfway through the bottle I took to wandering around the house, bottle held loosely in my hand as I sauntered, yes _sauntered_ around.

Kenji's room was clean and had distinct signs of his presence. He had a violin case on a chair by the window, had some Japanese books on the bedside table, giving the impression that he would lay in the bed. Putting the bottle on an empty spot near his books I sat lazily on his bed. Instantly the warm, soothing smell of baking bread enveloped my senses. Kenji's scent was much more than that. It had an earthy almost yeast like quality to it. It was subtle but when I pressed my nose to the pillow and inhaled it almost made me sigh in appreciation. And it even made me a little hungry too.

"Did I come at a bad time?" a voice thinly holding back the humor the speaker must have felt asked.

Sitting up and spinning quickly to face the door I twisted my arm funny and fell back, almost off the side of the bed.

Rose smirked at me. I sighed agitatedly and sat up on the bed.

We made it to the makeshift hospital room and I didn't even bother asking her to leave and turn around as I undressed from the waist down.

She gave me a quick exam, and it was much like the one before except that both my legs were shaking from the nerves I was feeling deep in my bones. Once she was finished and I put my pants back she gave me an encouraging smile, but her honey colored eyes held a bit of… fear in them.

"Alice left you this," Rosalie said before blurring to a cabinet on the other side of the room and returning with a simple small duffle bag.

She put it on the table next to me and we both stared at it.

"Why does every interaction I have today feel so _damn_ awkward?" I asked suddenly, moodily picking up the bag and plunking it down in my lap.

"Because, we all know what is about to happen. And it _is_ a rather unique situation." Rose explained competently.

When I didn't respond and continued to stare at the bag, almost wondering what Alice would have put inside she spoke again.

"Call us when you are ready for us to come back. Or think about calling us and Alice will know we can come back."

I nodded and gave her a tired smile, I buried my anxiety as much as I could and she gave me a quick hug, carefully as my lights had been tingling in my eyes since she had done the exam.

.~.

It wasn't lingerie in the duffle bag, like I assumed. Instead it was a pair of light cotton pajama bottoms, and a simple green loose fitting blouse. It seemed pretty boring to me, Alice was usually about lace and frills and the "wow" factor. But as I sat on my bed, nervously biting away at my nails, completely ruining my manicure, I found that sitting in lounge wear made me feel more at ease.

This was a business deal. This wasn't for romance. I told myself repeatedly.

Kenji had arrived home, I could tell because there was music playing someone in the house now. I took the bottle I had been dragging around with me all morning, it was empty now, and I was sober, back down to the kitchen. Opening another bottle and drinking it while staring at the dirty dishes and listening to the music drifting down from where Kenji's room was.

Once I felt the beginnings of the alcohol affect me I took some long calming breaths.

Would Kenji come down here to find me? Or would he wait for me to come to him? Had he made plan of action? I bit my nails on the hand not holding the bottle and looked outside to the bright October afternoon; the sun was already making its way to the horizon.

For as slow as I thought I had gone, I was in front of his open bedroom door much sooner than I liked. The fireplace was lit, and there were some candles lit as well. But it was no where the amount of candles that had been there when we had had our 'date'.

I sat on his bed again, looking towards the bathroom door in his room. The shower was going and I was glad it gave me some sort of warning. Because as the water turned off I took another long drink from my bottle and set it on the floor next to the foot of the bed.

He exited the bathroom a minute later, his black hair still damp as I could see the water catching the light from the fireplace and candles. My mouth went slightly dry as he gave me an encouraging smile. He was wearing a simple black silk robe, and as far as I could tell, nothing underneath.

"Should I put some other music on?" he asked, skipping over any sort of awkward hellos.

"No, this is…" I hedged for the word. It was some sort of mix between the sound of rain and some oriental sounding instruments lightly being played. "Interesting." I settled on.

"You look beautiful," he deftly said, as if it was just in passing. I didn't want to say how stunning he looked so I just nodded and turned to look into the fireplace.

"How do you… I mean should we just-"

"I do not know what methods of engagement you would prefer." He said somewhat sheepishly.

"What?" I said with a partial crispness in my tone. I wasn't sure what he meant by 'methods of engagement'.

"What style of sexual encounters you enjoy." He clarified, still standing across the room, looking more human than vampire in the soft orange light from the fire around us.

"Oh." My embarrassment spiked, and I swallowed thickly. "I'm not sure. Quick?" I said the last part cautiously.

Kenji smirked now, and bit his lower lip.

"Quick." He repeated and turned to grab the remote for his Media Mix player. He switched the music to only being the sound of the rain and slowly approached the bed. I tensed when he stood in front of me.

"I have been told I am a very giving lover." His voice was like smooth velvet. I didn't dare look up at him as parts of my body and mind were on complete different sides of an emotional coin.

Kenji sat on the bed next to me, our knees barely touching. I turned my body slightly so that I was facing him more directly.

My heart was hammering in my chest to an almost painful point. I wanted to do this, I did. I wanted to fulfill my part of our deal. I needed it so that wouldn't ever have to dream about Zhan, my father, Akharad, or any of it again. When I met Kenji's eyes again he must have seen the desperation I was feeling and his face fell slightly.

"You aren't ready," his sad toned rang in my head.

"I don't think I will ever be _ready_ for this Kenji." I stutteringly took a long breath in.

"We do not have to do this…" He trailed off; he gently took one of my hands, one that had been running up and down my thigh. I kept staring at him.

I was willing, so it wasn't going to be rape. I may not physically **want** Kenji but I wanted what he had to offer me. Women for centuries spread their legs for less. I closed my eyes tightly and when I opened them I knew how to tell him to proceed.

I leaned in and kissed him fully on the hard unyielding lips. They had a slight give to them that I wasn't expecting, and it took a second to realize why. Kenji's body was room temperature.

With the swiftness only a vampire could manage I was in his lap while we kissed, his hands were on my body and I told my mind to shut up about how wrong it felt. I told my body to enjoy it and act accordingly.

A small cry of either grief or reluctance escaped my mouth when Kenji remembered I needed air.

"You'll tell me if you want me to stop," his voice was holding back some sort of deep concern as he took my face in his hands. My eyes were closed tight and I nodded.

Remembering how important eye contact was for him I opened them to stare at the gold orbs that were right in front of me.

"I promise."

That seemed to be all he needed to hear, he stood up after shifting me to sit on the bed, undid his robe and let the black silk fall away from his godly body. He let me take all of him in. I started at his face, which was what I had locked on to. And as my eyes drifted down I began to feel apprehension fill me.

My eyes stayed focused on the most important part of his anatomy for our encounter and my body tensed to a new level.

Carefully he bent down and slid his hands under my butt, picking my up as if I was made of cotton. I had to grab a hold on his shoulders so I wouldn't flop backwards. I was placed on a soft animal hide rug before the fire. My brain briefly thought over the fact I hadn't paid attention to the pillows and blankets he'd laid out there.

My brain wouldn't shut up. It kept coaching me and alternatively arguing with me over my situation.

"Kenji… the wine…" I whispered with fluttering voice.

I sat up a bit as the wine was handed to me, and I chugged it. I l_iterally_ chugged the white wine, which had cost Emmett no less than $600. Once I couldn't down anymore I set the bottle aside and looked to Kenji again.

Somehow my pants had disappeared as I had drunk the wine. He gently grabbed the hem of my shirt and like a little child I put my arms in the air. His free hand rested on my back and once I was free of the shirt, I was laid back down again.

I could watch I could look at him. But I wasn't sure if I wanted to. If I did I might make him stop. I made a compromise and watched his face as he leaned over me.

"Absolutely beautiful." He murmured against the side of my neck before looking back at me catching me eyes. His hand parted my legs and I searched his face. I wasn't sure what I expected to see in his eyes, or what kind of look he would have. Maybe I thought it would be smug like Mr. Golswiki's had been. Or full of passion like Kevin's had been. But it mystified me that what emotion I thought was laying being his eyes was of deep devotion and love.

..~..

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I made a mental list of benefits for having a vampire as a lover as Kenji moved through things quickly. Because they never tired and could repeat motions with exact repetitions, and they could hear the subtle movements of a body reacting they could really learn what their partner responded to.

It didn't take Kenji long to make my brain shut up for me. It was all I could do but hold on and enjoy what he was doing. He had laid down next to me, on his side, one hand propping himself up, the other was being used to massage my clit. His fingers started off slowly, finding the spot that made my body involuntarily convulse in pleasure. But he was kissing my neck and jaw line the entire time.

I moaned loudly when he managed to make me cum with just his quick strokes. I felt him shift and my eyes that had been closed due to pleasure and confusion opened to find him hovering over me. He was between my parted legs, and I only had a second to realize what was about to happen. He was watching for my reaction as he entered me.

It was worse than I thought it would be. Because a part of me enjoyed feeling him inside, the primal part that felt gratification as his size. But he was _too_ hard, and it took me moment to realize he stopped moving after entering. His eyes were closed tightly, and I saw his mouth twitch a couple times before he opened them to take in a long breath of air. He moaned as he slowly thrusted and when he opened his eyes they were pitch black. My breath froze in my body as I watched now with a mix of horror, pleasure and panic. He was slowly gliding in and out, each motion bringing a bit of pain and a degree more than that of pleasure. But he didn't really look like himself; his face was contorted, probably mirroring his internal struggle not to kill me. My lights weren't flashing so I took that as a good sign.

The wine must have started to kick in because as I gripped the fur rug under me my fingers felt tingly. Kenji let out a growl, mixed with a slow moan and suddenly I found myself being pulled upwards by him.

In an instant we were in a different position. I blinked confused as I was sitting on his lap while he was kneeling. His hands were on my hips and he effortlessly lifted my up off his cock, only to come down again, gravity assisting with that maneuver. Again I gripped his shoulders to have balance. This position was _much_ more painful; as he was so deep I had to bite my lip not to cry out in pain. The fact his hands were likely creating bruises was only a secondary concern.

He groaned my name only a few thrusts later and I suddenly realized he was quickening the pace of thrusts.

Tears couldn't be stopped from flowing out of my eyes as the pain amplified some. The words telling him he was causing me pain were on the tip of my tongue when he growled and his hands went to my face, I was terrified he was going to bite me so when his lips met mine in a soft yet needy kiss I was taken by surprise.

Then I felt it. He had finished. His body gave small subtle shutters; a human male would have been jerking spastically. Kevin always had. Carefully he laid me back down still inside me.

_It's done._ I thought. And as soon as that thought came to me my brain begged me to push him away. Shock over what I had just done and what was likely to be the result overcame me and I fought to move away from him.

He kissed my temple and moved away.

"Evangeline-" he began, but I was already curled on my side, silent tears slipping from my eyes.

The ramifications of the trade had been thought of, of course, from what I would be able to cope with to how the child would think of me later. But suddenly all I felt was _shame_.

I was ashamed that I had done it. I was utterly angry with myself that this had been the only way to gain immortality. But I knew I was drunk and not reasoning well. I was just traumatized willingly, albeit Kenji hadn't really done anything wrong per-say. And I figured I just needed an adjustment period after the fact to come to terms with the path I was now on.

What if it didn't take? What if I wasn't pregnant after this? Would we try again? Could I make myself try again? I had to, I would _have_ to. There was no way I could live worrying over everyone's safety for the next 18 months until the Volturi decided to change me. And the thought that people I loved could be killed because of Zhan or Wei quelled some of my shame.

"Should I call them back? Would you like to see Esme?" Nothing but concern was in his soft voice.

I shook my head, unsure what I wanted. Being curled up in a ball seemed like the best thing at the moment, the tears had slowed and my body was shaking. Kenji pulled something soft over me and I felt him sit up. He was watching me, I was sure.

"I tried to be quick." He said. I stilled when I realized the tone in his voice. He sounded ashamed.

It took me aback. What would he have to be ashamed over? Hadn't he just successfully done the deed and not kill me? Edward had loved Bella so her existence was high on his priority. Nahuel's father, as well as Ichiro's had both killed countless women attempting what he'd just done. The nurturing side of me awakened slightly and I rolled a little so I could look at him. He was still naked, sitting with one leg tucked close to his body while the other was bent laying on the floor; he was resting his temple on his knee with his face turned slightly towards the fireplace, and me.

"I'm sorry Evangeline, I will get you some ice." And before I could respond he blurred away, I didn't even get a chance to marvel at his naked body as he walked away, he was that fast.

He approached me a moment later, much slower. Blushing as he was still naked, I took the offered cold compress and wasn't sure where to put it first. The wine made me feel a little numb and relaxed, but I assumed if I was in pain while we were doing it, it would hurt later too. Carefully and with him watching me I slowly put it between my legs. The cold shocked me and I gasped.

"How profusely should I be apologizing?"

"I think the twice is enough. Message received."

"Where does it hurt the most?" Kenji asked worry overtaking him, with my gritted teeth response.

"Where you were pummeling me with your horse cock." The alcohol used my lips to speak its mind.

"I could have made it smaller," he admitted shyly.

"What?"

"My ability would have allowed for me to… to change _its_ size." Now his voice showed signs of being embarrassed.

My mouth popped open and I rolled back so I was facing away from him.

"Is that it's normal… you didn't do anything to it before tonight? T-to impress me or anything?"

There was a pause and he sighed out with much humility, "A little."

Taking that in stride I said the next thought on my mind.

"Isn't it a stereotype that Asian men have smaller penises?" I shifted the ice a little, it felt good as far as I could tell, but with the numbness overall it wasn't easy to tell.

"Having my ability comes with its advantages. I get to stroke my manly ego as well as impress potential mates."

"It always comes down to size," I murmur before rolling back to look at him.

It was surprising that not five minutes ago we had just done something so intimate, and here we were almost casually joking about his penis.

"Why are we… of all the things to talk about…" I whimpered, the tears of shame and worry threatening to come back.

"Why shouldn't we? If it takes your mind off of it and helps you relax I would be happy to tell you all about my body." He smiled wide; his eyes still had an edging of black to them.

"I just don't know what we do now." I admitted.

"In general with lovers one would cuddle, but I feel that isn't the path for us. Neither is a hand shake and simply leaving each other to our own thoughts, as that would seem much too impersonal."

In agreement I snorted and took the ice pack away for a moment and put it on my hips where one of his hands had gripped me. The other side would have to wait.

"I did not warn you beforehand but I will now. It is likely I may become intolerable if you are in fact pregnant, as I do not see myself being able to be away from your side for any measurable period of time."

That didn't shock me. Kenji was so keen for this baby I was sure he would carry me everywhere for the full term of the child if I asked him to.

"You'll have to feed." I challenged him.

"Ichiro can fetch me a few small animals. I can increase their blood. Simple." He deflected it easily a handsome smirk on his face now.

"Not around Buttercup you won't." I scolded.

"I would likely be in a different house for a few moments. Hunting still draws me deep into the baser part of being a vampire. I wouldn't risk hurting you."

We observed each other. I had a suspicion I wouldn't mind him spending time around me. And that though threw me for a loop, to give myself time to mull that over I moved the ice pack to the other side.

"Are my brothers going to hassle you about these bruises?" I asked after a pause.

Kenji sighed, like a man who had lost a bet.

"No. Not exactly. They were all _terrified_ that I would kill you, or break your pelvis… Jasper was absolutely certain I would break _something_. Edward seemed to be the only one in your family that had confidence in me, and I suppose that has buoyed my confidence in preparation for tonight."

My face went slack, "You were nervous?" It would make sense. Kate had said as much earlier, but to hear him admit it, a vampire that looked to have all the confidence he would ever need. Kenji heard the surprise in my voice and turned fully to look at me. He gently tucked some hair behind my ear and nodded seriously.

"I have been with-a few- women. All immortals. It was mostly for recreation and lust due to our natures. Since being changed I have never _made love_ to someone." The sincerity in his voice matched the soft look on his face. My eyes widened a bit and I felt flush with embarrassment, for what I wasn't entirely sure. I shifted letting my eyes roam over him again.

I didn't feel as ashamed now as I had moments before. It had been a fleeting thing of a weak girl. But I only had to remember hearing those screams at camp, or Jaspers face as Wei was about to kill him to understand I had done the right thing. The child could judge me for all it wanted for the reasons it was brought in to the world, it didn't really matter in the end. I would be strong enough to protect anyone I needed to. Kenji was far too kind and open for me to feel like he'd brutalized me, or taken advantage of me. Perhaps it was because I knew he was a decent person I knew he hadn't given me this offer to cause me further grief. It was the opposite, he wanted to help me. And that settled my mind some.

"You are a very honest, person." I said after I cataloged my emotions.

"I have no reason to lie to you. I also tend to be humble." He winked at me and blurred away. Coming back he had boxers on now, soft silky blue boxers. He handed me a bottle of water and a new icepack.

I took both, and put my head back on one of the pillows trying to get comfortable. I let the tired stress that had built up over my day of anticipation slip me into sleep. Kenji was gently humming behind me, his long fingers tenderly brushing through my hair in a comforting manner.

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AN: Same drill people, I hold updates at ransom till we get to chapter 30 (Theoretically if people review like cra-zy you could have Chapter 27,28,29 and 30 by tomorrow) 6 new reviews= new chapter. (Yes I am that evil.) And no Chapter 30 isn't the last chapter. So far it looks like we have a few fans of it being a boy, and I liked the name suggestion I got, it is super kawaii!

Edit: I have also added Tanya, Ichiro, Toji, and Shizuka to the photobucket! /panthalassa2

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	27. Determination

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

AN: To everyone that reviewed, especially foxface... you really made me laugh.

**Panthalassa : High Tide  
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**Chapter 27 - Determination  
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When I woke up I was on Kenji's bed in some soft pajamas. I wondered who had dressed me, and realized it was probably Kenji. If we hadn't had sex I would have been mortified, instead I was just a little annoyed.

There was a knock on the door and I jumped slightly. Answering it I yawned and started to pull the covers off.

Alice was in front of me an instant later, smiling timidly in a way that made me nervous.

"Did you watch?" I asked shortly.

She snorted and rolled her eyes.

"_Please_, as if I would want to."

I scowled at her. That wasn't a "No".

"Carlisle, Rosalie, Edward and Kenji are in the medical bay, I offered to come get you." Alice added quickly before I could call her on it. The medical bay was what Tanya nick-named it upon seeing it for the first time.

Sighing lightly I ran my hands through my hair and stood.

"First check up already?"

"Yup, it's been six hours." She answered.

We made it in to the room, and my long buried annoyance with people meddling flooded my vision. It wasn't just the doctors in the family. Tia was there, very visibly bouncing with excitement, as was Ren. Bella was there with her husband's arm lazily draped over her shoulder. Mum smiled brilliantly at me once I stepped into the brightly lit room.

"Alice…" I said dryly. She stepped in front of me looking sheepish, her cute child like face arranged to look innocent.

"Didn't Bella blur out of your visions after she was pregnant with Ren?" I asked.

"Technically yes. But I didn't look at her or Edward for the first few weeks of their honeymoon," She cast a glance at Edward then looked at me with a small timid-ness in her eyes. "I didn't want to see anything... you know _graphic_."

I gave a small smile to the eager look on mum's face and nodded at dad who looked unsure whether to pack the medical things away or not.

"Fine!" Alice hissed throwing her hands in the air and stubbornly tucking her hands under her arm pits. She closed her eyes and Kenji took a few steps closer. I saw something out of the corner of my eye only to see Ichiro, Tanya and Kate in the doorway, behind them Emmett and Jasper.

Edward was my first indicator, as Alice was still running through her visions to see if she could see me, blurry or not blurry. He had a sort of sad smile on his face, which spoke volumes of what he was hearing from Alice. It was a little bit relief and a large part worry.

Alice opened her gold eyes and looked directly at Kenji.

"Congratulations."

Suddenly I was picked up; I gave a yelp of fright before I realized it was Kenji his firm hands under my arm pits holding me up above his head, my own head almost touching the ceiling. I heard echoes of nervous and happy laughter as well as a shout from Ichiro as he and Emmett fought to be the next to congratulate me.

In the throes of his elation Kenji brought me down and I was standing on my tippy toes about to say something to dad about not needing an audience for an exam when my mouth was covered with Kenji's. The kiss was quick and tender and I felt a stab of anger.

I gave him a small glare when he backed away. He was taking _too_ many liberties. We weren't a couple; this was a happy moment for the both of us but for different reasons. While the others congratulated us I tried to give them warm smiles, but my mind was still storming over Kenji _kissing_ me.

Everyone eventually left after I received many hugs and kisses from my family. And I was changed into a hospital style gown that Alice had designed to not be as flimsy as a regular one. Pouting slightly as I padded across the room, looking at the assembled vampires bitterly. This was the biggest intrusion of my privacy that would likely ever happen, and it made me feel like a farm animal or some science project rather than a person. Dad had kindly asked me if I would be alright with them charting my progress from the beginning, in exacting detail.

I was to get an exam every six hours for the first two weeks, after that point they would adjust the duration between exams based on my development. Ren, Nahuel, and Ichiro were all completely ecstatic with glee, curiosity, and excitement. It would be the first time for any of them to see the development of their kind. And it was a tantamount to their ability to blend in that I had to actively put them in a different category from Vampire or Human. This baby would be half of everything that made up Kenji and that made up me.

They drew blood, weighed me, took my blood pressure, measured my bust, waist, and hips, and just for good measure they had me take a real pregnancy test. It came back negative and that bothered me only slightly. I would never bet against Alice but my body wasn't even aware what was going on yet.

"Most tests will come back negative till at least week four. In a normal pregnancy your body would not be producing enough of the hormones to indicate a pregnancy." Dad gave me a tender smile before leaning down and kissing my temple. He took a deliberate long breath in and leveled me with a worried stare.

"Do you remember how soon after your rape you began to suspect, or feel the first symptoms?"

To say I hadn't been expecting questions about my first pregnancy would be a lie. I had talked with Rosalie about the difficulties I'd had, and how big the baby had been. Briefly I let the hurt over that pregnancy and that baby glide through me. Then I forced myself to remember, remember something _beyond_ the pain, sorrow, self hate, and shame.

"I was worried about it from the beginning, as the nurses warned me it was possible. They offered me the Plan B, but I was hesitant to even admit to myself what had happened let alone _think_ it possible. But around… Thanksgiving I felt much more depressed and tired than usual. Then I missed a period and Dana-Mrs. Fisher- took me to get a test." I pressed my lips together hoping that was a decent answer.

Carlisle knew from my files that the rape had happened on the fourth of November. The baby, my baby had been born July 29th, a few weeks early from my due date, and I had been grateful for its decision to be born earlier, as I had wanted it out.

"With the time table of a normal pregnancy working out to be just around 40 weeks and from what we know of Bella's, a hybrid pregnancy should last roughly 29 days."

Remembering our talks before Kenji and I attempted our act, I took a long breath of relief. Edward had been able to hear Ren's thoughts a few days before Bella had her. As soon as Edward could clearly hear the baby I would be given a c-section with Kenji's special scalpel.

The rest of the doctors in the family were mostly silent for the whole exam. Edward, Kenji and dad were excited to look at my blood work. So after I changed in the bathroom and was about to head back down stairs with Rose I looked over at the guys and smiled.

"Now don't go licking those slides when you are done." I joked.

.~.

Every time I got annoyed with how much my privacy was being invaded I reminded myself of Carmen, and of Akharad. It worked for the first two days; the blood work was drawn twice a day, just a small amount in the morning, and a pin prick on my finger at night. My food was very carefully measured and regulated. They had no need to write anything down, and by 'they' I meant 'The Team' as Ren and I began calling them. Carlisle, Rosalie, Edward and Kenji were all taking this pregnancy like the very precious scientific study it was. By the third day with no 'exciting changes' I was pouting and frowning a lot. Jasper and I took some time after an exam to play our guitars; I even let him play with Johnny B, the name for my new guitar. I sang and laughed genuinely for the first time in a long while.

True to his word Kenji was never too far. He'd had Ichiro bring him a half dozen rabbits that day. Little Butt was playing with Edward and Bella on the couch. They had to throw the tennis ball extra slow for her to see it to know who to attack.

We sang some soft old Johnny Cash songs and some Hank Williams. Ichiro came in through the kitchen once I'd finished the song "I saw the light".

"Oh Eva you are _full_ of irony. I love it. Sing another one." Ichiro said goofily flopping perfectly on to the chaise in the center of the living room with his hands folded innocently under his chin propped up on his elbows. Tanya laughed and copied him; thankfully the chaise was big enough for the two of them.

I sniffed hotly, "I am sure I do not have the foggiest as to what you mean." I used my full accent and couldn't hold the offended pose when Jasper snorted.

Jasper started playing a song I didn't know, so Alice jumped up and started singing it, soon Tanya joined in. It was explained to me later that it was a Florence + Machine song from so long ago. Rosalie and Emmett just came back from a hunt and both wanted to join in. Emmett grabbed another guitar and a tambourine appeared out of nowhere.

They played songs I'd never heard of, all of them dealing with light or darkness and it was amazing the variety they had. Everyone had turns singing, even Kenji gave it a go. Ren, Nahuel, Jake and Seth showed up mid way through and got into it.

Seth even sat next to me for a two songs. But once it was time for dinner Alice and Jasper went off so she could get a clear look at things, and the other couples went off on their own.

"Come on Seth, we are having that rematch." Nahuel stated throwing the basketball across the room. Seth caught it easily but I blanched at it hitting his hand. I opened my mouth to ask him to stay a little bit longer I missed being near him. With all that had happened I wondered if I would have preferred him to have never told me he loved me. There wouldn't be the same awkwardness.

"I'll stop by before you go to bed." He smiled at me before leaning over and kissing me on the temple and casually got up off the couch to follow Nahuel out.

I watched him go, and felt guilty for not being able to be the woman that he could love effortlessly. Perhaps I was feeling a pale shadow of what Bella had with Jake, I loved Seth, I felt like I needed him, but it wouldn't stop me from doing what I needed. Edward took over Seth's spot, but had put himself far enough away from me so my lights weren't going to cause a problem.

"Being in love with someone is different than loving someone," Edward's voice was soft and warm. Rolling my head back over the edge of the couch I agreed with him silently.

_Doesn't make it easier knowing my actions cause him pain._

"No it doesn't. But Seth would be worrying for your safety regardless of this," he gestured to my lower half, "decision."

.~.

It was the end of the seventh day at my night time check up that the pregnancy test finally came back positive. Kenji, who had been within ten yards of me since we'd created the little hybrid couldn't help but take my hand and kiss my knuckles in his elation. At least he hadn't picked me up and kissed me again.

I had to bring his showing of affection up to him. The human part of me, the prey, loved his attention; in fact I think I kind of craved it. The more logical part, the one that knew if I developed feelings for Kenji it would be a complete mess, wanted to tell him off. I was already near a breaking point with how closely I was being watched. Each sigh, each pause in conversation was being analyzed behind my back. Ren had told me as much. I couldn't even pee or defecate without them either taking a sample. Ew. Or asking me about it. Ew. Tanya could see the stress and had Ichiro help her force Kenji and everyone else out of the house for a while. Ren stayed and we watched a movie, ate popcorn and looked up trivia about Pete Urley, an actor I had a crush on since I was little.

Kenji came back an hour before they had said they would and irritated me, but again I said nothing.

No symptoms like fatigue or nausea were around yet, for that I was thankful.

.~.

Day nine in the pregnancy I woke up four hours later than I usually did. They were letting me sleep in to see how much my body seemed to need. But it wasn't the fact I woke up so late that had me groaning as I sat up.

When Rosalie came in she saw my cupping my head.

"What is it?" She asked kindly, and I was thankful it sounded like my sister asking not a doctor.

"Just a head ache. Can I have some advil?" I asked as I threw the blanket off of me.

Rosalie nodded and went off to get the medicine. On my feet I seemed to find the world unbalanced.

Kenji caught me before I fell face first back on to the bed. It didn't surprise me at all that he had been watching from the hallway once the door had been open.

"Whoa…" I murmured still holding my head.

"Perhaps you should lie down again." He gently suggested.

There was no protest on my part to that suggestion, because my head was spinning, and the room was tilting.

Rosalie handed me the glass of water and the pills. After taking them I closed my eyes.

"Symptoms?" She asked after a pause.

Sighing loudly I opened one eye to glare at her and massaged my temples where the pressure and sharp pain was emanating from.

"Head ache 4. Nausea 6. Irritation 5." I listed off. This was the standard question before my exams and blood draws. I listed the symptom and the level of pain on the scale of 1-10. The day with the singing, and movie watching with Ren, I gave the Irritation level an 8 because of Kenji coming home early.

"Would you like breakfast in bed, or wait until the medicine kicks in?" She asked.

"I want to eat down stairs. I will likely be bed ridden soon enough." Grumpily my hands slid from my face and I gave Kenji a look basically allowing him to carry me.

He gently set me down at the dining room table where Ren, Nahuel and Jake were getting ready to eat.

"So…" Nahuel began, his eyes flicking to Carlisle who was reading a book in the three season porch. "I have been meaning to ask you Eva if you would mind someone else witnessing this… pregnancy."

My headache made me grumpy, the fact I was not only a science project but I was the complete focus of so many made me irritable. I shot him a look that told him to leave me alone. Buttercup was skittering around the kitchen begging for food from Esme and Bella.

Pushing myself away from the table I made to stand and didn't miss everyone near me move as if to help me.

"I am fine." I told them, my hand going to my temple again and stomping my way to the kitchen.

"Butt!" I said firmly. My puppy looked to me and tilted her head confused briefly before realizing I had no more fear commanding power than the vampire she was begging from and went back to dancing around Bella who was watching me carefully.

"Are you guys feeding her table scraps?" I asked.

"Only here and there…" Esme admitted guiltily.

"She won't learn to behave if we keep doing that," I groaned. I went to the pantry where a huge bag of premium puppy food was and took her little bowl, putting a small handful in it.

"No more table scraps for you Little Butt," I scolded her as I set the bowl down by her water dish. It was a passive aggressive way to tell my family to not feed her human food anymore. As I was standing back up I had to grip the counter as a small wave of dizzy hit me.

"Nuausea 2." I stated to the room. Before Kenji was by my side again offering his arm.

"I can do it," I snapped and pushed past him.

Ren gave me a weak smile as I sat across from her.

"Nahuel wants to invite his sister Jenny to come," she said before taking a tiny sip from her tiny glass of orange juice.

After she explained what Nahuel had been trying to ask I felt guilty for glaring at him. The room went silent for a moment; the only sound was crunching of kibble in a stainless steel bowl from Buttercup.

"She's a hybrid too…" I said more to the room than to myself. Esme gently put a plate in front of me and I instantly started eating. After a bite of hash browns I looked at Nahuel. "You can invite her. It'd be nice to meet her." I tried for sincere but it came out more like a concession of defeat.

As the day progressed my head ache got worse. Lying down did nothing and they weren't giving me anymore medicine. By ten that evening I was almost in tears because of the pain. This was no damn headache; it was a full blown migraine.

Kenji took the thermometer out of my mouth and put his hand to my forehead again.

"98.8," he announced to the room at large.

My team of doctors plus mum were all in my room, trying to figure out what could be done. I knew there was no way I would be able to sleep with the feeling of a hot balloon being blown up between my ears. And despite the fact I didn't have a temperature I my head felt hot. Kenji's hand on my forehead didn't actually make anything feel better but when he'd move it I would order him to put it back in hopes that the cold from his hand would eventually soak into my brain.

"Jasper that would work," Edward said facing the closed door. And soon my brother was strolling in, a worried look on his face.

He winced slightly.

"Pretty bad," Edward said aloud, his eyes narrowed slightly while looking at Jasper then me.

"What?" Rosalie asked before I could.

Before Edward answered, Jasper sat at the foot of the bed and I felt a slow trickle of calmness go through me. My excitement over this headache being able to be diminished was quickly evaporated when I didn't actually feel less pain; I was just more relaxed while feeling it.

"Your headache has gotten much worse since this morning," Jasper drawled concernedly.

"No shit," I said bitterly.

"Evangeline!" Mum scolded me, and I pressed my lips together in lieu of swearing more.

"It doesn't feel like I am able to help at all." He admitted after going from calm to tranquil and then to contented.

Hearing Jasper say he couldn't help me made me despair. I needed this pain to go away. I started crying and it caused more pressure and pain to build in my head, adding more to the problem than solving.

"We have to _do_ **something**," Rosalie said vehemently. Blurring to the medical case dad had set up on the dresser.

"We have no idea how the fetus will react, or how it could affect its development," Kenji said cleanly. It was clear he was concerned for me, but he was reasonably upset over what this could mean for the baby. I almost wanted to say I didn't care about the damn baby and its development. It was half vampire after all; _it_ wasn't like _it_ couldn't handle the medicine. Even at an estimated 11 weeks of what would be a normal pregnancy I was sure a half vampire could handle some strong pain relievers.

My eyes were closed tightly and I was concentrating on wishing the pain away. Then I felt it.

"**Wait**!" Edward said suddenly, his panic was so surprising my eyes snapped open. His eyes were wide with some considerable fright.

"Evangeline… I think…" He paused and looked to Kenji and Carlisle before running a hand through his hair. He laughed once with disbelief and leveled a bit of an awed look at me. I put my hand to my temple again; the pressure was going to kill me.

"No Eva. The headache is being caused by the baby." He said seriously.

"Duh." I added sarcastically, I had _never_ in my life had a headache like this, of course it was because of the baby.

Dad gasped audibly at the same time Kenji made a noise in his throat.

"Ichiro!" Kenji called out loudly. My head was in my hands a second later, the pain was too much and I wanted to focus on getting rid of it as soon as I could.

"Eva _stop_ that," Edward commanded.

"The headache is being caused _by_ the baby," Dad repeated Edwards words, but this time he said them carefully annunciating each word. I got it as Ichiro made his way into the room.

Kenji gestured to the spot next to me and Ichiro didn't question his father and sat down.

Like a balloon popping, the pain in my head instantly went away.

"I was… I wanted to turn that light off." I was horrified.

Edward the quickly explained what had happened. After my thoughts about how strong the baby already was, and me trying to focus on the pain, he realized it was a very similar feeling I would have to when a vampire touched me, except it was coming from the _inside_.

Ichiro gave a low whistle at that. My body and ability were always hard at work trying to protect me from being hurt. My body was just getting the symptoms that I was carrying a baby. And with those signals it must have understood it wasn't a good, normal or safe pregnancy. So my lights, my ability, was going to get rid of it, stop the problem. If I had turned off that pressurized pain like I had wanted to… I would have killed the baby.

I broke down crying after that. I let mum hold me, with Ichiro stuck on my other side.

"This presents a whole new world of complications," Rosalie tightly said.

"Ichiro is going to have to stay near you for as long as the pregnancy." Dad said.

"I'll have to feed sometime. I would like to claim I have complete control like otou-san but I don't," Ichiro gave me a sad smile after that. I almost started crying again. Thinking of that pain coming back because Ichiro had left to hunt terrified me.

"He can't feed with her that close to him," Jasper stated.

"He can't… he can't go too far." I stammered. "I can't hold back those lights, I _can't_ take that pain-it's," mum shushed me gently seeing I was likely going to cry again.

"We could knock her out," Rosalie finally suggested after a moment. "When Ichiro absolutely has to feed, we can knock her out, she cannot use her ability then."

"She froze Shizuka while she was still sleeping," Edward said frustrated.

"Well…" Ichiro said after a moment, mum removed her arm from around my shoulders and Ichiro from my other side put a comforting hand on my shoulder. "It looks like I won't be breathing for a week or so. Good thing I went hunting two days ago."

"Ichiro…" I began, suddenly wondering why Kenji had been so silent.

"If it keeps you from feeling pain, and helps my little brother or sister I am happy to go without doing some action I have no real need for. Then again you won't be able to hear my beautiful voice."He gave a dramatic sigh.

"We are forgetting something," Kenji spoke up. When I turned to look at him leaning against the post for the bed he gave me a seriously concerned look.

"Edward will not be able to hear the baby when it starts forming thoughts, meaning we will have no idea when it will be time to operate."

"Bella was just two days over four weeks, Edward heard Renesmee at twenty six days into the pregnancy. At day twenty six perhaps we can try-"

"No." Edward, Jasper, and Kenji interrupted Carlisle.

With my headache gone, I was feeling increasingly tired.

"We'll discuss this as you rest Eva," Edward said, giving a purposeful nod to Jasper.

Ichiro and I were left alone in my room, Kenji telling me he would be back in a moment.

I slid further in to my covers.

"Want a bed time story?" Ichiro asked energetically.

"No." Trying for grumpy in my tone didn't work as I was still really grateful for him taking away the pain.

"I promise it's a good one." He said, ignoring me completely. I curled onto my side as he started telling me about them trying to decide what to get me for my birthday. I fell asleep around the time he mentioned having to give the puppies back in Japan different vampire scents to smell, and the ones who didn't immediately cower were considered 'in the running' for my pet.

.~.

If I thought the invasion of my privacy couldn't get worse. I was dead wrong.

Ichiro's ability could stretch pretty far, when he got thirstier it would take more concentration, but he was only able to be about 20 feet away from me at any given time. To give me privacy that even Kenji didn't Ichiro sat out of view most of the time.

Day 12 was being marked off for the pregnancy, and the only real symptom was exhaustion. Bella said that she had overlooked this symptom claiming she thought Edward had too much energy and she should have been able to keep up. I on the other hand was sighing and yawning with regularity throughout the day. Even when Emmett, Rosalie, Seth and I were playing some video games I couldn't stop sighing.

They had gotten used to not asking if I wanted to go to bed, last time Kenji had done it I flipped him off and continued playing with the buckets of lego's Edward unleashed in the living room on day 11. I admitted to myself that it was just slightly possible my hormones were making me extra moody. But I was pleased that the little fetus hadn't really changed my diet much. Chocolate and steak still seemed to be a regular part of my meals for which I was happy.

Jenny, Nahuel's sister, arrived on the 14th day. It was coincidentally the same day four new symptoms presented themselves.

Standing up from the couch to shake Jenny's hand I couldn't help but smile warmly at her. She was certainly as beautiful as Ren, but it was her soft green eyes that captured my attention.

"Dad told me mom had green eyes too. It looks like that is one of the inherited genes we hybrids get from our moms. Eye color." Jenny laughed lightly, a sweet and nervous laugh, "This little baby will have stunning blue eyes just like you."

"Thank you I-" My mouth closed as I the motion from standing up to greet her caught up with me. Jenny saw something in my eyes before I knew what was happening. Her firm hands were bracing my forearms immediately. Kenji, of course was at my side instantly, Ichiro moved a little closer from his spot on the floor by the puzzle he and Kate were completing.

"Eva…" Ren asked from behind Jenny, as I felt more hands on me.

"You look a little green," Kenji stated.

My stomach was still rolling and I felt ill. Not vomiting ill, but like I had a lot of gas. Instantly I was embarrassed as I realized I was going to pass gas, and by the pressure it felt like **a lot**.

"Ren can we go outside for a moment?" I pleaded. Jenny gently maneuvered me to her capable hands. Kenji made to follow and I glared at him. Ichiro, of course had to come with me.

Being outside wouldn't diminish my utter embarrassment of the human moment I was about to unleash, but at least I wouldn't have to look at their faces immediately after it happened.

"Are you okay?" Ren asked after we were on the porch, Jenny and Nahuel were waiting on the other side of the glass, with Ichiro.

To answer Ren I let the pressure out.

Her face reflected the shame I felt. I could tell she was holding back a laughing fit with great effort.

"Not one word." My tone was deadly. Her lips were pressed in to a thin line and she slowly shook her head, the hilarity of my problem alight in her eyes still. Watching her enjoy the situation I was in, the embarrassment and everything… it hurt. It really did. And after I let out another fart, and she let out one little laugh I lost it.

I started crying, I knelt down and started bawling like I don't think I ever have over something so stupid.

"Oh Eva! I'm so sorry," I felt her touch my shoulder, kneeling down next to me.

"Go away," I bit out between my sobs. I jerked my shoulder away from her and buried my face in my hands.

I knew this wouldn't be an easy pregnancy. But in many ways this pregnancy was far worse than my first one. At least with that one I could hide away in my room. Mrs. Fisher and Dana never bothered me. They made sure I ate, and knew they were there for me if I needed to talk, cry, or yell. There was never an audience for the moments when I would fart, or feel dizzy when I stood up. As much as I hated being alone all those years, I had always found true privacy to be a special little gift. It was why I wandered off in the woods at the TODT camp. Being ignored by my foster parents was a sort of abuse that forced me to take care of myself. And I thought privacy was different from being treated as if I wasn't there, and right now I was crying because that was _all_ I wanted. I wanted to be left _alone_.

Of course that wasn't remotely possible, everyone had to be around to watch me. Everyone wanted to see the freaky human getting bigger and passing gas like a little pet. I cursed myself for being naïve and not realizing this would happen. All of the vampires wanted to see this miracle happening. It was an extremely rare occurrence.

"Eva I'm sorry really I shouldn't have-"

"Go AWAY!" I screamed at her and tried to shove her away again. I couldn't look at her; I fell to my butt and pulled my legs to my chest, still crying.

I didn't want anyone to come touch me, or try to consol me; I didn't want them to '_pity'_ me. I hated them for being that way.

I didn't look up when someone draped a blanket over me and pushed a box of tissues next to me, but I stayed outside, on the porch crying lightly into my knees and hands. They were all watching, I knew, they were all listening. I wanted to scream some more, and I was about to yell out in frustration when I felt like I was going to pass gas again.

"Oh." I murmured, recognizing the feeling, not as gas like I thought it was but felt like slow churning liquid in my middle, like small waves hitting against my tummy.

"KENJI!" I called out, surprised and instantly focused on something other than my frustration for farting.

He was kneeling in front of me an instant later, Ichiro a few steps behind him. Then I saw the bronze hair of Edward coming outside as well.

Kenji was about to ask me something, but I grabbed his hand and he let me move it. I guided it to my middle. The waves had subsided some, but I knew he'd be able to feel it.

"There," I whispered. Carefully I watched for his reaction.

His eyes were slightly dark, because he hadn't fed in a week. But the second his hand touched my belly, the shirt pulled tight, his mouth popped open and his eyes lit up with love.

"That's… our baby?" he asked slowly, completely awed. I still had the snot from my crying fit all down my face and I nodded. He shifted to put both his hands on me, the cold of his touch sent a shiver through me so I wrapped the blanket given to me while crying tighter around my shoulders. I had to lean a little awkwardly back, to give him access.

Over his head I saw a crowd had gathered behind the glass doors to the porch. Edward was smiling widely at me, and Ichiro looked ready to have his turn, his hands twitched at his side.

I frowned slightly, using the back of my hand to wipe away the snot. The baby stopped moving and Kenji looked disappointedly at my belly.

He leaned in and whispered something in Japanese to the fetus; the tone he used made him sound proud and happy. When he didn't get a response he tried again.

We ended up back inside on the couch again. I was still angry over the farting and my constant observation. If anything this little hybrid moving inside me just ensured Kenji wouldn't leave my side. Farting or no, I doubted he would never want to miss a chance to feel my belly. There was a line now to try and feel the baby move. I firmly denied everyone because after that initial movement the baby stopped making so much noise. Kenji kept leaning in closely and talking to it. He kept it up all the way to my second exam of the day.

.~.

The last symptoms exhibited happened just after dinner. I ate all of my green beans, pork chops, and green grapes, without issue. But once I stood up and was about to go watch a movie with mum, Bella, Ren and Jenny while Kenji went off for a quick meal, leaving poor Ichiro behind, I started feeling off.

The little off feeling was the only warning before I started vomiting. Bella had seen my face before I started hurling and had been able to get a fruit bowl in front of my face before any of it got out. As I vomited up all of my meal, chucky, acidic and gross I could hear the fruit she'd flung from the bowl hit the ground.

I paused after the initial round, and thought it was over. Mum handed me a towel to wipe my mouth and I sighed, resting a hand over my stomach. My mouth tasted horrible.

"That looked painful," Jenny said delicately. I smiled at her, and felt Ren let go of my hair she had held back for me.

"It-" I began and then I was at it again, vomiting up whatever was left. They used a garbage bin this time with Bella holding it, mum picked me up awkwardly and carried me to the bathroom. I thought they were going to let me finish puking my dinner into the toilet but instead they set me on the toilet, lid closed. Ren was running the hand not holding my hair back in small circles on my back.

Rosalie arrived after my third attempt to empty my stomach, and checked my blood pressure.

The verdict was that the baby was finally changing my diet enough to not get nutrition from the food. I opposed their premise that _just_ because I was vomiting was because I needed to drink blood now.

"You said Bella didn't start drinking it until almost the fourth week." I protested. I was sitting on the hospital bed; Rosalie had just finished an exam. Dad, Edward, Ichiro and Kenji all shared a look.

"Bella was _starving_, she was frail and would have died of starvation had Jake not thought to feed her blood."

"It's just morning sickness," I insisted. "Food still smells wonderful to me. I could eat a burger right now!" I was partly pleading.

"Eva… I understand your hesitancy to drink blood…" Kenji began, sitting next to me. He tried to take my hand in his but I stubbornly jerked it away and tucked it under my arms as I folded them across my chest. Which I suddenly realized was aching.

Edward's eyes flicked to mine and I pouted further.

"Breast tenderness 4," I muttered, glaring slightly at him. He would have told them I noticed if _I_ hadn't done it.

"When I can't stand the sight or smell of food I'll… switch to blood, obviously. But you said Ren got extremely strong after Bella starting drinking blood. Cracked ribs, almost broken pelvis?" My tone was accusatory, insinuating that they wanted me to be hurt sooner. Heck if I was drinking blood now the little baby could do a lot of damage now. Even bruise an organ or something.

"That's true Eva." Edward admitted, and then shared my thoughts with the group.

"So no blood until food smells bad. What about getting you nutrients then? If you can't keep anything down it will be unhealthy for you." Kenji stated.

I snorted and smiled at him sarcastically.

"The baby is unhealthy for me, in case you haven't noticed my own _ability_ was trying to kill it off." I gestured to Ichiro, who smiled back at me brilliantly.

"And don't you think for a second I won't tell that little boy or girl about it either. Big Brother Ichiro is banking on those IOU's now!" He did a mini punch in the air and chuckled. I laughed airily at his exuberance.

Moving to get off the table I sighed. I was hungry. And that burger sounded like a good idea.

.~.

Day 19 was hard. I was emotional, plain as that. I wasn't too big either. That concerned everyone but Kenji. He waved it off as the baby was part Asian and a lot of Asians were tiny babies. I doubted it, but I didn't care.

Everything seemed to be going so fast. At this stage in my first pregnancy I wouldn't have even known I was pregnant. But nineteen days in and I felt like I was six months along. I was exhausted, but couldn't sleep.

Food still smelled perfectly edible, which bemused the Team. However just because I wanted to eat it, didn't mean my body liked it. Most of my meals made a return trip within moments of eating it. I was now on a saltine cracker and chicken broth diet, which I wasn't complaining about aloud nearly as much as I wanted to. At least it wasn't blood.

We were three days away from the big scary week three of the pregnancy, and it didn't even feel like we were that close to being done. Although the stretch marks I was starting to get begged to differ.

I started feeling bouts of fever and then cold. Seth happily obliged the times I felt like I was freezing by cuddling up to me. He seemed to be handling this pregnancy better than the preparations for it.

"It's because all I can do now is be here for you. I can't undo this." He put his hand on the baby bump. The baby responded by kicking at the warm hand. The baby was responding quite frequently now, and I was becoming anxious wondering if Edward would be able to hear it, if it weren't for Ichiro.

I sighed and leaned against his shoulder, enjoying the heat of him. Jasper handed me Johnny B Good a while later and insisted we play for a while. It was something to do besides vomiting, sleeping and watching movies. I had to adjust the guitar as my tummy was pushing it further down my thighs than I was used to playing.

After about ten minutes I had to give up playing, and I just snuggled back against Seth and sang along to the songs Jasper played. The baby stopped kicking while I sang and I felt a small smile turn the corners of my mouth.

I didn't hate this baby. Not like I had the last one. I was aware that this wasn't exactly the ideal situation to have a child. But aside from being worried for my health I hadn't really spared too much time thinking about the war, or Zhan, or anything. From the day the normal pregnancy test had come back, I had starting feeling hopeful. This little gal, or guy was my ticket to immortality. I think, maybe, it enjoyed hearing me sing and that made me glad.

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AN: Alrighty well the 6 reviews= a new chapter is still in affect till Chapter 30. So.. review! Give me baby names, sex predictions, concerns and what not!

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	28. Miracle

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

**Panthalassa : High Tide**

**Chapter 28 - Miracle  
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The first 19 days of the pregnancy were a vacation, compared to what happened after I fitfully slept going in to the 20th day. I felt **ill** and weak and woke up shivering. Kenji had begrudgingly called Seth in to warm me up. I was hungry and I felt a general sort of unwell that I couldn't shake.

Kenji brought me a protein shake made mostly up of raw eggs. It went down easily, and soon came back up. The process of my body not digesting any food kept up for two days before everyone on the Team agreed it was time for me to try blood. I cried and pleaded with them, not really wanting to drink it. Kenji gave me a patient look but handed me the warm Styrofoam cup of deer blood.

They wanted to monitor me while I tried my first bit of blood.

"It smells bad," I groaned after pulling away from the straw. This seemed to interest the Team. Poor Ichiro looked desperately and longingly at the cup, and I gave him a sympathetic look. He had stopped breathing about 36 hours ago. I tried to make it easier for him by spending time outside and downwind from, but it still was rather unpleasant him.

"Please just try a little," Rosalie encouraged sitting on the other side from Kenji. Her cold hand firmly helped me guide the cup to my face.

I closed my eyes and took one long pull on the straw, telling my brain it was just a chocolate shake over and over until the thick liquid hit my tongue and I couldn't fool my brain anymore. I gagged and pulled the cup away. It tasted like salty thick coppery blood.

"Horrible," Edward confirmed someone's thoughts as to how it tasted to me.

"This little guy is giving you a hard time," Rose sighed.

I kept swallowing trying to rid the taste from my mouth. I took the water from dad when he offered it.

After a moment I noticed a difference in my physical state. I felt… better?

"I guess the baby likes it." I muttered running my hands over my swollen belly. Of _course_ this baby would like it, it was what it _wanted_.

"What could the difference be? Bella loved the blood, said it was good, tasty even." Rosalie asked the group.

"There is an indefinable factor we are dealing with. Evangeline's ability has already made a huge difference in how this pregnancy has gone." Dad suggested.

"Ichiro's ability would see that it didn't matter." Edward responded taking his chin in hand.

Edward looked to Ichiro a second and nodded thoughtfully.

"Ichiro had a great thought. Perhaps it has nothing to do with Eva or her ability. Perhaps it is the _baby's_ own ability if in fact it has one."

I stared at my round tummy, remembering the feeling of my first baby and the difference already between the two.

"Still, Ichiro's ability would nullify the baby's ability as well." Rose said with a regretful tone.

It looked like we were stumped.

Edward's face turned shocked suddenly and he turned to the door just before Alice blurred in.

"We have a big problem." She said tersely. She was tense and by the looks of the entourage following in behind her there was no doubt behind her statement.

The conversation was quickly moved to the living room as Liam looked particularly thirsty staring at the cup with blood in it. They were all a little thirsty waiting to go hunting until a few more days had past, as no one wanted to miss the baby being delivered, so even deer blood seemed to tantalize them.

"Aro decided to send Caius, Alex, Jane, Felix, Amelia, and Heidi . If Caius thinks it prudent he is to ask us to come with him back to Greenland." Alice said quickly, looking from dad, to Edward then settling on me. Toji, who had been sitting like a statue looking out the window in the dining room for the last four days, huffed out a little air in the small silence that followed Alice's statement.

My hands rested on my belly as I saw the other blurry spot makers enter the room. Seth gave me a tired smile before sitting next to Jenny and Nahuel on the couch opposite me; they had been taking care of Buttercup for me since I was too tired and frustrated to take care of a puppy. They must have left her at Ren and Jakes house.

"They aren't bringing Demetri?" Mum asked.

"Not that I can see… That is the only thing we have in our favor at this point. They think we are still in Alaska, as we hadn't told them we moved here." Alice said her brows were mashed together in concentration. I heard a small smattering of laughter from the group. We were under orders to tell them if we moved and where to.

"Oops," Kate laughed out leaning in to Garrett's arms. The only vampires not in the house for this meeting were Eleazar and Siobhan. Whenever mum or dad couldn't be pulled away from me for whatever reason, Siobhan or Liam would stay with Eleazar.

"Aro is under the impression, because we warned them about Zhan, that we are playing along with _all_ of the rules they set out." Continuing, Alice's tone was of a practical planning nature.

"Demetri cannot tell from that far away where we are. It is impossible for him to track our location from Greenland. So he wouldn't be able to tell we've moved this direction."

I winced slightly when the baby gave a kick. Kenji's hand was over the spot immediately, earning a glare from me as I instinctually wanted to sooth my own abdomen.

"They can't know about the baby." Tia said.

"We can't hide Evangeline, she is the reason they are coming." Tanya sorely stated.

No one liked this. Least of all me.

"We can't even claim she is ill and put a blanket over her. We can all hear the heartbeat."

"What?" I asked instantly. Jakes statement threw me off.

"We can hear the baby's heartbeat," mum said with a kind wide smile from where she stood with dad.

"Oh… and _when_ were you going to tell _me_ about that development?" I asked snippily. I was hungry, tired and moody. I didn't care how I sounded.

"Off topic," Nahuel gave a long suffering sigh.

"No," I insisted. "You get to hear and see _everything_ about this baby and you hide _this_ from me?" I turned a resentful face to Kenji. He looked ashamed for a second and didn't seem to know how to respond.

"When will they get here?" I asked still glaring at Kenji.

"That… is a good question." Alice side stepped the answer.

"We don't know." Jasper added quickly, feeling my anger rising.

"How can you _not_ know?" Maggie asked.

"They are going to Alaska for now. I don't know what they will decide to do when they get there and we aren't there."

"We stay here, do nothing." Toji said as soon as Alice finished. Everyone turned to look at him.

Kenji asked him something in Japanese and Toji shrugged.

"All I can say is staying here **is** best. Moving her or telling them she is here doesn't _feel_ right. I can say that with limited certainty that the baby will be born here without the Volturi finding out about it."

And at Toji's words the room seemed to feel a little lighter and not so stressful.

"Toji, thank you that is very helpful," Dad told him. Toji, from what I could see shrugged and turned back to the window.

Tia jumped happily clapping her hands, half scaring me and frustrating me.

"Only a few more days! Aren't you excited Eva?" she was trying for cheery.

"It's been a long time since you've been around a moody pregnant woman hasn't it?" I asked flatly.

The baby kicked again and this time I couldn't hide the whimper. Dad was kneeling in front of my when I opened my eyes.

"It's getting stronger…" I sighed, smacking Kenji's hand away again as he tried to put it back on my belly.

"It's feeding off of you Eva…" remorsefully dad gently tried to touch my belly where Kenji had just attempted. I didn't slap his hand away, which I took a little bit of smug satisfaction at the unhappy look that Kenji had. I with a worn and tired noise I tried to figure out what it was that I wanted to do. Sleep? Eat? Nothing sounded good, and I felt icky.

Edward murmured something, and instantly Tia jumped again, easily shrugging off my contemptuous glare from earlier.

"Evangeline how about a nice relaxing bath? It might be just what your tired muscles need!"

I didn't protest, because I was sure if I did Kenji would try to suggest me drinking blood again.

Ren, Tia, and Jenny helped get a bath drawn for me; Ren helped me out of my shirt and pants, as I was too wobbly to do it on my own. I put on a robe while I waited for the water to fill the tub up. Tia and Jenny were excitedly talking about different oils and salts they should use, while Ren and I looked at my reflection in the giant mirror along the wall opposite the tub. I hadn't really looked at my full naked body in the last six days. And the change was pretty shocking. Ren looked close to crying and I gave her a questioning look.

"I'm just thinking about what… what my mom must have looked like at this point… It wasn't my fault but I still _feel_ guilty for nearly being the reason she-" I cut her off by reaching back and putting an arm around her.

"I was skinny to begin with," I attempted to lighten the mood. My own moodiness subsided some when there weren't a dozen eyes watching my every facial twitch.

It wasn't just that I had lost all of the weight I'd gained in the three weeks preparations for this pregnancy. My hair looked limp and lifeless, and my bright blue eyes seemed to be less clear. I had a pallor of paleness that reminded me of a person that just underwent chemo. Standing upright with full view of my whole body I could see the swollen curve of my belly better. I tapped my fingers along the edges of the belly.

Once they helped lower me in to the warm bath Jenny offered to wash my hair. I let go of any embarrassment I felt for being naked and just let Jenny help. Ren smiled watching and Tia took a perch on the counter across the room. Ichiro was posted just outside the door, probably utterly bored.

"Do you think it's a boy or a girl?" Tia asked quietly, when the only sound had been the water splashing from Jenny pouring it over my head.

"I think it's a boy," Jenny said quickly giving me a bright smile.

Ren laughed, the happy sound echoing around us.

Ren gave me a sassy look, "She _hopes_ it's a boy. Vampire men are too rough, and the only other male hybrid is her half brother." Jenny splashed some of my bathwater at Ren.

But there was no denying the truth of Ren's statement as a blush spread across Jenny's cheeks.

"I don't really know…" I muttered.

Tia put a hand to her chin, "Have you thought of any names?"

"No." I stated. And I hadn't. This was Kenji's baby. He was the one who'd been waiting centuries for this child; he could be the one to name it. There was a line I wouldn't cross with this baby, and picking out names I liked was one of the things on that line. If I wanted to name it, I might get much more attached to it, I might… who knew what that step would do. I wasn't about to find out so I stayed firmly in the business minded part of this deal.

"Why not?" It was a question coming from simple curiosity on Jenny's part. I explained to the group my reasoning. The other three women went silent, either from pity which I didn't need, or embarrassment for having the topic brought up in the first place.

In the silence that followed I tried to let the water relax me, but I was still so weak feeling that all I wanted was to sleep. I closed my eyes listening as they started whispering their predictions quietly as I relaxed.

I jerked wildly not realizing I was on my bed, rather than in the bath like I remembered.

"How long was I asleep?" I asked to the dark room, knowing Kenji would be there. And I was right, I felt him shift next to me, I had been completely unaware he was there.

"Only a couple hours. You slept so soundly, do you feel rested?" he asked.

I had to think on it.

"Not really. My brain feels rested; my body feels like I was running a marathon." To emphasize the point I let out a long drawn out breath.

Rolling on to my back, as I had been on my side I ran my hands over my face.

"I'm so hungry…" I complained weakly.

Kenji turned on the bedside lamp, and I saw Ichiro standing on the tiny outside patio connected to the room, Tanya was with him. I looked at Kenji; his eyes were bright gold again.

"Would you at least try to drink a little more blood?" He gently pleaded.

"It tastes dirty, and gross." I muttered closing my eyes tightly.

"We can try human blood this time; Carlisle has an _obscene_ amount of O type blood."

My body was starting to feel like a weak cage, trapping my brain inside and although I hated the idea of drinking blood while still human I knew I needed to, otherwise as every hour past the baby would take all the nutrients from me.

Dad brought me a cup with a straw not more than five minutes later. He put a blood pressure cuff on my arm as I settled in to take a sip.

Human blood was only marginally better than the deer stuff. I still gagged and spluttered after the first sip. But I forced myself to take another. The process repeated itself four times until I could no longer force it down. Whether my body needed it was completely different from my brain reacting to the taste.

I managed to fall back asleep after the taste of blood was out of my mouth. They were going to wait till morning to check my vitals, including my blood work.

.~.

The smile couldn't be kept from my face as I was finally in a good mood. I had forced a little bit of blood in on the morning of October 31st so I physically felt better. The only really glaring stress now was my situation with Ichiro, it was becoming taxing. He could no longer be in the same room as me; even though he wasn't breathing it was un-imaginably difficult for him to even be close enough to smell me.

Alice had just announced that she saw the Volturi arriving in Denali in three days. It would be enough time for the baby to be delivered. So _that_ stress was diminished slightly. And although no one said anything I could tell we were worried about the next attack with Zhan. But I had managed to eat some raw fish, sashimi, as Toji suggested. Seth was helping feed me the meat, as I was going through a bout of chills. He was trying to lighten the mood talking about something the wolves used to do once the Cullen's had moved away.

"Soccer?" I asked. I had heard some of the stories before.

Seth chuckled, his warm brown eyes dancing happily.

"Four legs work better than two. Jake would phase from wherever he was and watch. It was like he was playing with us. The last time I let him watch the games Jake hadn't realized Ness was going to surprise him with new lingerie. I lost the shot on goal, which ended up meaning we lost the game, because I got a head full of naked Ness, which I was mostly used to seeing anyway. But for some reason that slinky white number did me in."

Jake threw a marble from the decorative vase by where he was reading a car magazine. Seth caught it and threw it back.

"White slinky number huh?" I chided, trying to picture the embarrassment on Jakes part.

"I asked her if I could borrow it to give to the girl I was dating at the time."

"It was torn to shreds seconds after I ended our connection," Jake added quickly.

"I bet there were a lot of moments like that," Jenny laughed. Nahuel was trying to build a house of cards on the glass coffee table in the center of the room. And once in a while Ren would blow lightly in his direction from her spot by my feet, causing the cards to wobble.

My hands were pressing in to my tummy as I listened to their banter back and forth about the lives of the Quileute boys before they became fathers. My skin was like tightly pulled satin over hard steal. I could see small bruises from where the baby had been kicking over the last few days. It seemed that drinking minimal amounts of blood kept it from getting too strong too quickly. But I was still ungodly tired and weak. Bella or mum was almost readily available to help steady me as I needed to walk to the bathroom and such.

"So tell me, might I be able to snag my own wolf?" Jenny asked leaning forward. Ren's brilliant laugh filled the silence instead.

"Did you give up on my future cousin?" Ren asked, her thumb gesturing to my middle.

The grin on my face slowly faded as I considered the baby. It wasn't the first time I actually thought about what this baby would end up like. Boy or girl, what kind of person would they be? I hadn't even really figured out if I wanted to _help_ raise it. I would be a bloodthirsty newborn during its first year. Then there was this war to consider. What if Kenji or I didn't make it back? Sure the baby would have Ren, and beyond that Nahuel, Jenny, Seth and Jake. I was certain no matter my fate in the fight against Zhan this little hybrid would be looked after.

But the thought of not seeing him or her grow up suddenly made me sad. I wasn't sure why. I still did not know how my first child was doing. He was five now, loved by some family and looked after. That was all I could ever give him. But _this_ baby, Kenji's and my baby… I wanted to sing to it. I wanted to be in their memories, maybe because I didn't want the only memory of me to be giving him over to Kenji and wanting nothing to do with it. My own father had been brutally killed in front of me, and that was the only memory I would ever have of him.

"Eva shhhh," Seth said suddenly, putting the sashimi he'd been trying to feed me aside and pulling me closer. I was crying lightly, not understanding what this little baby was doing to me.

This was _only_ supposed to be a business arrangement. One baby for my immortality, I had been pretty sure I wouldn't get attached to it. Maybe the maternal instincts I never had with the first baby were kicking in now.

-The scream ripped out of me as pain bloomed in my abdomen.

Instantly I was being picked up and carried somewhere as the pain seemed to spread. It had started in the front, by my belly button, but the baby attacked again and hit something by my ribs. I screamed again when it did something else.

"DAD!"I yelled as Seth set me on the hospital bed. Ren, Rosalie and Kenji were already in the room. Rosalie quickly ushered Seth out. Ren stayed to hold my hand. Ichiro hovered outside the room, as close as he could to me.

Rosalie lifted my shirt and the tears in my eyes came out like a waterfall. A huge ping pong ball sized welt was already obvious. There were other bruises starting.

"Why?" I cried wanting to know why the baby started punching around like my body was Carnival in Rio.

"Calm down sweetie," Ren shushed kindly stroking my now sweaty hair out of my face.

Edward and dad came in then; Rose started hooking me up to different monitors.

"I was thinking that as well." Edward said turning to me, leveling me with a tense stare.

"Evangeline we have been thinking of trying something for a while now."

I ground my teeth as the baby shifted again, I was worried it would aim for a kidney or something else.

"_**Get to the point!**_", I yelled at Edward.

"The baby is has reached the point where we think I might be able to hear its thoughts. But in order to do that we need to send Ichiro away."

"No!" I begged my head rolling back as Rose put some ice packs on my belly.

"Eva if Ichiro is far enough I can use my ability too… I can tell the baby not to move too much. Let them know it's causing you pain." Ren whispered to me. That statement made my cries stop as I thought it over.

"How long? How long will I have to hold back the lights?" I asked the room, my eyes searching dad's and Kenji's faces.

They looked at each other.

"One minute." Edward finally said. I couldn't help the whimper that escaped my lips.

"Just… have Ichiro ready to come back…I-" my eyes closed tightly and I begged my body to listen to me. "Okay." I nodded, my eyes still closed.

"Ness, when he's out of range try and send a simple message to the baby, gives it the image of Eva and the understanding of where it is and why."

"You want me to explain that it's a baby still in its mom? That's not exactly a simple thought to send to a baby…" she dubiously stated.

"Would you have understood the concept?" Dad asked. Ren puzzled over that a moment.

"I might have, but it will cause more questions and possibly upset the little one."

"We won't know till we try sweetheart," Edward encouraged.

They all took positions around the bed, Rosalie was on my right side, not touching me, Kenji had my right hand in his. His face was tight with concern and he didn't bother hiding it. Edward stood next to his daughter on my left side. Ren had my left hand in hers but moved to put both of her hands on my now heavily bruised stomach.

"Okay Ichiro." Edward said aloud. And I braced myself.

I expected it to be a slow returning of pain and lights, like slowly dipping your body into water that was too hot. But it hit me like a hammer hitting your finger instead of the nail. And I could feel my brain heating up because of the bright pain stabbing at me. I _**needed**_ to turn the lights off.

"Eva just hang on, ignore the lights," Edward encouraged.

Then I heard it, Ren's voice it was small and comforting. She sent images to me and the baby. She sent it a picture of me, my belly swollen and added to the picture the knowledge that inside of me was the baby. She showed the bruises; my face scrunched up in horrible pain, and gently asked it to resist moving as it caused me pain.

"Unbelievable…" Edward whispered. The lights grew hotter and I wondered if I would go insane from the pressure.

As quickly as the pain came it left. I knew that Ichiro had come back in range.

I was shaking so horribly. The front of my shirt and belly was wet, and I realized I had vomited at some point. I fell back against the pillow, Rosalie gently running her hands through my hair. The tears of relief cascaded down the sides of my face.

"Eva... can you hear me?" someone asked as I stared at Rose's pretty face, desperately wanting to sleep. Exhaustedly I turned my head to look at whoever it was that spoke.

"Your baby is sorry it hurt you." Edward had an amazed look on his face, his golden eyes shining.

"The baby…" I mused at his words.

Passing out was my next response.

.~.

The hospital room was full of flowers and balloons, at first I thought I had somehow given birth to the baby. That was how hazy my thoughts were as I looked around the room.

Kenji was sitting next to me his elbow propped up on my bed. He had been watching me sleep.

"How-"

"Five hours. Carlisle thought it a good idea to give you an IV, and put a unit of blood in you. The Morphine was Rosalie's idea." Kenji explained sitting up now and tucking the blankets closer.

"What's going on?" I was looking over the balloons with a confused air.

"Tia, Maggie and Alice thought they would cheer you up."

The weak smile on my face couldn't be maintained.

"Would you like the good news?"He asked brightly.

I barely nodded.

"We have decided that because Edward can hear the baby we are going to give you the c-section as soon as everyone gets back from hunting. And I do mean everyone. Ichiro and I are the only vampires here right now. The Hybrids and wolves are getting the betting pool ready." He added the last part lightly. There was a sort of happiness on Kenji's face my battered brain could read.

"What is it?" I asked dumbly, trying to categorize that look.

"I am just… Evangeline there are _no_ words. Soon we'll be able to meet that little one. Aren't you _excited_?" There it was, I understood it now. It was awe and great jubilation.

"I want it over." I muttered rolling my head to the side.

"Soon, I promise." His happiness got the best of him and he leaned over to kiss my temple.

We stayed there waiting for almost an hour as everyone came back. Rosalie was back and started removing the balloons from the operating room; dad arrived not much later and started explaining what was going to happen.

"We need to let the baby know what is going to happen. It will make it much easier if it doesn't panic." My own panic spiked at that, the pain had been beyond anything I wanted to willingly go through again. "Evangeline it'll be fine. Ichiro will be barely beyond the range to affect your ability. Renessmee thinks she can push her ability through if Ichiro's ability isn't so strongly affecting you. Once she has successfully let the baby know what we are doing, we will start. Ren will be observing as you had asked."

I faintly smiled at that, I had asked her a couple days ago to be in the room when the baby was delivered so she could replay it for anyone that wanted, also so I could see it when I'd been changed. I wanted to remember it, after all this effort I definitely wanted to remember it.

"Would you prefer Kenji to assist me and have Edward holding your hand, or-"

"It doesn't matter. You're drugging me up right?" I glanced at Kenji and saw a bit of disappointment on his face for unknown reasons.

"Not enough. We will apply local numbing agent where we will make the incision. But Eva… this will be quite painful. Once the baby is clear we can up your pain meds as high as they can go for someone your weight."

My voice was lost at the seriousness of his tone. Local numbing agent wouldn't be nearly enough to not feel the pain of them cutting me open like a fish. I couldn't help but start crying again. Self hate and bitterness clouded me for a few moments as the Team set up everything in the room. I knew this pregnancy wouldn't be easy, and I _knew_ it would likely be very painful, but just as the abstract thought of having sex with Kenji hadn't been nearly as difficult as the actual act. Thinking about birthing a hybrid was completely different than going through with it.

Kenji had several syringes with his venom at the ready should anything horrible happen. A part of me was hoping _something_ would happen. Then I would get all of the pain out of the way and I would be one of them. But we had agreed that for the sake of science to see if I could heal normally after the baby was born with the Vampire tooth scalpel. If I did survive and was still human after this I would likely be the first and only woman to survive carrying and birthing a hybrid baby. In a way it seemed worth it just to see if I could survive, the pain and everything in abstract seemed worth it to be able to say I'd managed the impossible.

Of course I wasn't stupid enough to claim that I had done it on my own. Everyone had a part in helping me do this mostly Kenji with the tool to cut through the placenta, and dad who was eager to deliver the baby.

"Alright Eva," Dad called my attention back to the others in the room. Ren was standing near the foot of the hospital bed, wringing her hands nervously. Her vantage point would be enough to see the whole process, including my reactions. I just knew I was going to be screaming like mad.

Rosalie would be assisting dad down at the incision point. She and Edward had had a battle of wills, but eventually it was argued that Edward had delivered Ren almost completely by himself, so it was logically her turn. Kenji would be the one dad handed the baby to as soon as it was free of me, while Rose took care of the placenta dad would sew me back up. Edward would be taking care of the drugs and monitoring my status. Ichiro, on the other side of the door would immediately leave to go hunting once the baby was free from my lights trying to kill it.

"I am giving you a little morphine." The soothing voice of my brother whispered. Once he added the drugs, he took both of my hands in his and gave me an encouraging smile. Rose gently put the nasal cannula over my head and softly adjusted it into my nose.

I stiffened nervously as dad gently moved my shirt up my belly, and placed the covers over my lower half to catch the blood that would come pouring out of me. He gently swabbed some yellow stuff that looked like dye in a line that looked like the smile part of a smiley face.

"Alright Ren, Ichiro." Dad gestured for Ren, she gave me an encouraging smile before putting her hands on my bare tummy again. Edward withdrew his hand and I grabbed the side bars of the bed, reading myself for the pain.

Ichiro stepped away and the pain was just as bad as the last time, I was close to turning the pain off, the blooming pressure, when I heard Ren's voice and saw images of what we were going to do.

"Ichiro." Edward said when I nearly bit off my tongue from the pain. I collapsed back into the bed panting.

"You did wonderful," Ren praised me patting my knee lightly before stepping back again.

"It understands, and is scared it doesn't know who or what we are." Edward couldn't keep the awe out of his voice. "It knows who you are Eva, but not the rest of us."

His tone was pleased and I opened my eyes taking Edwards hands back in mine. He couldn't read my thoughts right now, but later I would thank him for everything he'd done. I looked around at the Team, everyone had a tense excitement about them. And I was already preparing for this to be over. I wanted nothing more than to sleep and _not_ be in pain.

Kenji moved to ready the units of blood because Edward would need to hook up another bag shortly.

"Alright, let's meet my new grandchild." Dad couldn't hide his own excitement as he took the shiny and unsettlingly scary scalpel off the silver try with his other tools.

The numbing agent didn't seem to have worked, because the second dad started his incision I was biting down to stop from screaming. I realized after a second Edward had gently put a rolled up wash cloth in my mouth to prevent me from biting through my tongue. The scalpel cut easily through my skin and made the sharp screeching sound when it was opening the placenta.

I couldn't contain it any longer and my body shook with muffled screaming. It was _worse_ than the branding Zhan had given me. It was worse than when Ichiro had left and my own ability was making my feel like I was imploding. Edwards arm was bracing across my front as I was violently shaking and thrashing.

My eyes were rolled back in my head as everything else unfolded. And I didn't know the baby was out and free until I heard a gasp from Rosalie, and a small baby like sound coo from near my feet.

"What is it?" I asked I had spat out the wash cloth and my eyes were still closed, dad quickly was sewing me up. Edward had moved to up my drugs and add the other unit of blood.

"We have a son." Kenji said from next to me. My reaction was instant and I turned towards his voice eyes opening to see him holding a rather bloody little bundle, loosely wrapped in a white blanket.

There, nestled in the blanket, eyes wide with wonder as he took in everything around him, was my little baby. A little boy. His eyes fixed to my face as Kenji slowly lowered his arms so we could get a better look at one another.

An emotion came over me like a long lost fog; it was the feeling of utter and total calm. My body seemed to float as I looked at the little thing in Kenji's arms, and only obscurely did I know the feeling was because of the drugs Edward was now unleashing on my body.

"Hi…" I lamely said to the little bundle. Tears from pain being replaced with that awe I didn't think I would ever feel. His eyes were a vivid blue, set with dark black hair that still had all sorts of gunk in it from his birth. He had a tiny nose that had a definite Asian slope to it. But by god he was the most adorable little thing I had ever seen. And coming from someone that usually hated babies I supposed it said something.

The little boy wiggled trying to free and arm as he reached for me. He made a crying noise as he did and it forced a smile on my face.

"He wants to be close to you." Edward needlessly translated. Now that Ichiro was gone Edward could hear everything.

"Just remember, she will smell very tempting to bite, but do not bite her." Kenji sweetly but sternly warned the infant.

Ever so carefully he put the baby in my arms. I started to feel the drugs pulling me down, it felt like I was dreaming as I shifted my arms to hold the baby.

"What are you going to name him?" Rosalie asked coming to my other side and looking down at the little boy. Ren too came closer, while Edward and dad finished cleaning up and ensuring everything with me was perfect.

I couldn't look away from the tiny face, and he too couldn't stop staring at me. A tiny hand was waving as if to touch my face, I took the little hand and kissed it, the action was so natural.

Kenji said nothing, as did I. It was up to him what to name the little guy.

Taking a seat on the little rolling stool behind him, Kenji pulled in close and rested his head on the metal bar I had been gripping before. His gold eyes were tender as he moved to stroke the side of the baby's head.

"Adam Carlisle. I think." He murmured.

My mouth popped open and it was because I was so surprised at what I heard that I was able to tear my eyes away from the little blue eyes to look at Kenji.

"Kenji-"

"I do not remember my own father. But I feel as though we should honor the two men that helped in bringing this little one in to our lives. Adam, for blessing the world with your birth, and Carlisle for giving you a family to live for."

I couldn't help but feel a great swelling of…overwhelming gratitude to Kenji. Words wouldn't come as I was rendered speechless. My breathing hitched slightly as I let the happiness work its way out in the form of more tears.

Little Adam made a noise, and I was looking at him instantly.

"Someone loves having your attention." Ren chimed in.

"He has all of it right now… or he will but I feel really tired." I admitted giving the gooey bundle a squeeze. Kenji airily laughed, like a man who'd never been happier, and carefully took him from my arms. I sighed with great effort and felt my eyes getting heavy.

"We'll be here when you wake." Gratitude filled Kenji's words. I may have given a sleepy smile before passing out, but I wasn't entirely sure.

..~..

..~..

AN: 6 new reviews= next chapter till we reach chapter 30. :} Who wants to guess if the little guy has an ability? Will the theory stand?


	29. What He Can Do

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

**Panthalassa : High Tide  
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**Chapter 29 - What He Can Do  
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They let me sleep as long as I needed, which ended up being nearly 12 hours. What woke me was a small sound of slurping and sucking. I found myself still in the hospital room, my bed partially shifted so that light from the windows fell over the foot of my bed.

"How do you feel?" a warm voice asked, and I turned to see Ichiro standing behind a rocking chair, and it took a moment for my eyes to adjust to see that Kenji was holding Adam in his arms and rocking slowly back and forth.

"Exhausted, gross and… hungry." The list I gave them was in no particular order.

"This little guy had at least two of the same problems earlier." Ichiro's smile was bright and that of someone completely at ease.

"How was your first meal in over three weeks?" I asked him trying to sit up more. Ichiro moved to help me, while Kenji stood shifting Adam who had forgotten about his special hybrid capable bottle to smile at me. It was a little eerie how it could be cute with a tiny baby smiling at you and a little bit of blood dribbling out of its mouth. I had a feeling Adam could do anything at this point and it would be adorable.

"The best meal of my long life I think." Ichiro moved two chairs next to my bed and both men sat down, Kenji nearing my head.

Kenji proceeded to tell me what I'd missed while I slept.

Immediately after I fell unconscious, the Team made sure my vitals were all safe, dad covered me up and then they each got to hold little Adam for a bit. Eventually Ren went down stairs to the waiting family and friends to replay the whole birth for them. Kenji allowed Rosalie to bathe Adam, and after Edward came back with a bottle of blood for him everyone but Kenji and Adam left the room. Adam apparently liked the blood, but according to Edward he wanted something else.

Rosalie had the idea to see if my breast milk would be something Adam liked. So while I was unconscious they pumped me. I was so horrified over that act I couldn't articulate how violated I felt, until Kenji mentioned Adam drinking the breast milk. Something Ren refused to even try. Then the violated feeling was replaced with curiosity.

"He is defiantly throwing all of our knowledge on what Hybrids are supposed to be like out the window." Kenji cooed happily bending over to quickly run his nose over Adam's tiny head.

"He likes human food?" My question was met with a turn of the little head and blue eyes eagerly looking for mine after Kenji'd shifted him.

"Edward says he tolerated it, and prefers breast milk to blood at this point."

"But he's…" My question fell short seeing that Adam was happily slurping and sucking away on the bottle still filled with blood.

"You are still a bit under weight, and although your body is able to produce as much milk Adam would need, it would take further nutrients away you need right now to regain your strength."

It was impossible for me to look away from the tiny face, when Kenji explained himself. Adam gave a smile again looking like he wanted something from me. The long drawn out labored sigh came from me as the pain started to return. Was my medication due?

Kenji inquired what the matter was, after I explained it he nodded and without asking he put the baby in my arms and went to adjust the drip. Adam didn't make any noise of protest at his feeding suddenly being halted, but instead wiggled in my arms as if to get as close to me as possible.

"He missed you," Ichiro said with a doting type tone.

"I was right here…" I murmured looking from Ichiro to Adam. Kenji had fixed my meds and was about to lean in to scoop Adam back up when he gave a small cry of protest that tugged at my heart.

"Alright, son, just remember what I told you about not biting her." Kenji cherishingly told his baby. Ichiro must have thought this moment needed some privacy and he made a casual exit from my room but not before he gently leaned down to kiss his little brother on the head.

The pain was fading again and I took the hand Adam had freed from his blanket in one of mine. His tiny fingers already felt as strong as my own. Twelve hours old and I bet he could easily break my hand if he wanted.

"Ren tells me that it will not take you long to understand everything we say. And the more we talk the more you'll understand…" I told him. He blinked and his head gave a sort of wobble, as if he was trying to nod. This, although I knew was not unbelievable for a hybrid to do, amazed me.

"How long till he's speaking?" I asked the room without looking or away from my baby's face.

"A little more than two weeks." Kenji answered.

Adam's eyes seemed to droop slightly and then an instant later they stayed closed.

Kenji didn't take him from my arms and sat next to me again.

"He looks just like you," I whispered to Kenji, not wanting to wake Adam.

"He does… but I am thankful the theory on eye color stands true… to lose such beautiful eyes to vampirism would have been a shame." My body was too run down to produce the blush that should have come after that statement.

Moments later during which Kenji and I just watched as little Adam slept peacefully in my arms, a knock gently tapped at the door. Without needing to give them permission, the door opened and mum came in carrying a tray.

"Mum," I laxly smiled, making sure to whisper lightly. The look of pure love and elation filled her face as she came to the bed looking down at her grandson.

"He's even more precious than in Ness's memory." She quietly whispered back to me moving to sit on my other side.

"You haven't seen him for yourself?" I asked eying the food she brought. It looked like warm soup broth and some crackers. Instantly I was disappointed at the meager meal but that was a fleeting feeling as my hunger had me desiring it eagerly.

She shook her head slightly, her glorious smile still etched on her face. She carefully spoon fed me as the three of us seemed content in just watching the baby sleep.

"We wanted to wait till you were awake so that you could show him off to everyone yourself." Kenji informed me.

The surprising thing about his statement was that I was pleased. I didn't expect to care if everyone had seen baby Adam yet or not. But after the almost seven weeks of constant observation and zero privacy I found myself liking the idea the little baby in my arms was still just mine… and Kenji's. Mum was effortlessly spoon feeding me the broth while her eyes stayed glued to the tiny face at my chest. I was running my thumb rhythmically over his tiny hand that was still holding tightly to my forefinger.

"When he wakes up we should introduce him to everyone," the suggestion was more for my family's sake than for my own desires. Of course this was completely up to Kenji.

"Sounds like a good plan, perhaps after you are done eating you'd like to have Ren or Rosalie give you a sponge bath."

My frown was instant, and the distinct grimy feeling was not something I was aiming to keep for long, I knew my stitches on my abdomen wouldn't allow for me to have a bath or shower.

I agreed to the sponge bath for after my meal, but when I'd finished with my broth I closed my eyes and felt myself humming lightly.

Was it like this for every woman after having a baby? Had I just been too broken and too young to care about my first child? I felt, surprisingly, like my happiness was no longer in my own control. That Adam, tiny impossible baby that he was, had my happiness all wrapped up in his little body. It was scary, different and such a sudden change from how I felt not even three days ago I was debating the possibility that my hormones were driving me off the deep maternal end.

.~.

Freshly bathed, and carried down by Kenji, while I held a now wide awake hybrid baby boy, we made our first appearance down stairs. The whole living room was crowded with faces, hybrid, Quiluete and Vampire mixed among one another easily. Seth smiled painfully if not sincerely happily for me, and relief sprang into my mind seeing him. He hadn't said anything, but I knew he'd been terrified of the unlikely situation that I'd be killed by the baby.

Everyone was quiet when we came down, the room was humming with the excitement and jubilation expected of a family meeting a new member.

Adam's thick patch of black hair was shiny and soft as I looked down at him while he was taking in the family gathered. Ichiro was standing far off to the side so that everyone's abilities would work normally.

"Adam Carlisle Shirokawa, this is your family," Kenji said smoothly. The capable little head steadily surveyed the room. I couldn't see his face from the angle I was holding him, I wanted to know what his expression looked like. Tia had her hands to her face while she was wrapped up in Benjamin's arms. Her face reflected the emotion everyone seemed to be feeling as they studied him. Awe.

A tiny arm wiggled free of my hold and pointed directly at Ren. When he made a noise that had an infant's urgency and interest conveyed I smiled brightly. Edward put a balled up fist to his mouth and looked away from Adam to his daughter. What was this Adam thinking? I wondered while Kenji moved to set the two of us down on the couch.

"Can I feed him?" Alice asked before anyone else could say anything. She stepped forward and bounced on the balls of her feet beaming at Adam. He waved his hand at her, and her bright smile after had him squealing merrily.

Kenji made introductions to the various members as they came by to meet him, or in Tia's case hold him and smell him. Jenny was appraising Adam from the back of the group, and I wasn't sure if and _how_ a hybrid chose their mate. Jake imprinted on Ren. Ichiro had been changed into a vampire, and Nahuel didn't have a mate.

Alice did indeed get to feed him a bottle of blood, which he sucked down with a look on his expressive face that said "if I must" clearly. Dad held him after that for a long time, and I think I've never truly seen more pride exuded from my dad towards anyone like he was when he glanced at me.

"Eva, I am…" Edward began tilting his head slightly looking at Adam. "I can understand the thoughts you have Adam." A pause. "That was her… singing. Your mother is a beautiful singer." And from dad's arms Adam turned his head towards me, eyes emoting exactly the same way I did, so I recognized the plea in them instantly.

"You want me to sing?" I asked softly, a tender smile playing at the corner of my lips. I felt so exhausted already, and I had only been awake for a couple hours. Adam had been measured by Kenji every hour since his birth, and I'd seen him struggle to get away from the measuring tape Kenji held out the last time.

Dad passed Adam to mum who was sitting across from me while Kenji put an arm behind my back. Seth gave me some water and I sipped. Jasper, who hadn't stopped smiling since I came down to the living room had his guitar ready, Garrett too had one and they looked at me expectantly.

I realized they wanted me to pick the song to sing to my little baby. My brows scrunched up and I had to think on it. Adam entertained himself by playing with Esme's hair and making a noise that would eventually be a laugh, but he was still too young.

I bit my lip looking at the baby, much too developed looking for a day old infant, but still so much smaller than even Ren had been when she was born. What to sing to him? His name, the name Kenji gave him, it was something I didn't realize I had wanted until he'd gave it to him. I only had moments with my own father, a blip in the timeline of my life, but he _had_ loved me. My father Adam had truly loved me; he'd fought off almost certain death for me. Suddenly the song that had become his epitaph, a song sung at the end of his long and painful life seemed uniquely appropriate for my son.

It would be my promise to him, and my family that I would ensure their safety would always be my priority. Edward kissed Bella lightly before going to the piano in the other room. Emmett understood instantly and went to help him move it into the living room. Adam tried to watch what was going on but it took Esme turning her body so he could see.

Once the piano was in the room Edward, instead of sitting behind it, knelt down in front of Adam ran a long finger down his round face and whispered something to him. I felt a little bit of bitterness rise in me for being the only one in the room who couldn't hear what he'd said. But my brother would tell me later, so I frustratedly let out a sigh and let it go for a moment, and I hummed slightly to warm my voice up. It was still slightly sore from all the screaming I had done when they cut me open half a day ago.

Edward did a couple scales to help me get ready but soon as that was over he started the song that was simply becoming "Adam's" song in my head. When I sang it back in Volterra I had been infused with anger at the cruel way Aro manipulated me, making me perform such a personal song at such a strenuous moment. Now that Adam was here I felt like a weight off of my mind was lifted. I would soon be a vampire, be strong and able to protect myself. I wouldn't be left behind in this battle, or made to give up my privacy so they could protect me. I would and could protect them all when I was an immortal. This song was a bald faced reminder of what I still had to protect, and what I'd lost.

Veni Veni Emmanuel was sung all the way through; my voice was not nearly up to par as it had been when I first sang the song for the Christmas concert in school. In fact that had been the only time I'd ever sung it without some tremendously difficult emotions weighing me down.

Tiny bright blue eyes set on a tan face were wide with wonder as he heard me sing from the outside for the first time.

When I finished and everyone was clapping, I casually shrugged Kenji's arm from off my shoulders, and gave Adam a wide grin as Esme clapped his hands together for him.

.~.

I went to bed after that, as my body needed rest. Rosalie did a brief exam of my stitches and gave me a little morphine for the constant pain I was in; it helped me ease in to sleep. Before I completely drifted away I heard the voices of Edward, Jasper and Kenji by my bed. They all knew I was still awake of course.

"No, we do not sleep like you or your mother does." Edward answered what must have been Adam's thoughts. "She is still very weak from carrying you Adam-no it's nothing to worry about; we are taking good care of her." Edward kept talking, answering Adam's thoughts, and I could hear someone shuffling next to me. I cracked an eye open, and in the semi darkness of the mid afternoon light bleaky creeping in through the curtains I could see Jasper holding the baby and playing with his hands. Jasper looked so animated making odd faces for Adam to analyze. It looked to me the epitome of a doting uncle.

"You can sleep next to her. Eva," Edward called gently, and I shifted over on the bed, my abdomen gently reminding me that it was tender and without the drugs I'd be in pain. Someone put a pillow under one shoulder and my back so I would be tilted slightly, as Jasper gently put Adam in the crook of my right arm. Adam's eyes reflected the sleepiness I felt, and his mouth formed a lopsided smile that reminded me a bit of Edward.

Adam fell asleep almost as soon as his eyes shut. He made a sighing noise and pushed closer to me.

My body felt… better with him tucked so close to me. It was seriously messing with my mind at how this baby, one I wasn't sure I'd even want to be around when it was born, so instantly made me feel better, mind body and soul, just by being close to me. Had I been a horrible person for feeling the way I did before he'd been born? I hoped not.

By time I woke several hours later, it must have been after midnight on the 2st of November. Adam was a Halloween baby, and I was sure my entire family thought it was a pretty fun coincidence.

For the first time in weeks I felt relaxed fully, both mentally and physically. I didn't think I dreamed while I was asleep and that fact put me in a good mood. I wondered who have given me more drugs as I stretched me arms lightly over my head, Adam must have been taken by someone while I was sleeping.

It wasn't long till I realized I was alone in my hospital room. There was a brief flickering of the feeling of abandonment. Then the old me surfaced and relished in the private moment. They could still hear me, and I was likely just in a between moment when someone had left and another person was going to watch me. Absentmindedly I scratched my arm, then my temple, simply laying there. After a big yawn where I was scratching my hands slightly there was a small knock at the door.

"Good morning," Bella said from the door. I smiled in her direction, she opened the curtains fully and turned back to look at me.

"Morning. It is morning right?" Being unsure of the day and time really threw me for a moment.

"It's 7am on Monday the 2nd." She informed me. Ren came in carrying tray of food, and instantly my mouth began to water, not realizing how hungry I was.

"Eat slowly," Ren encouraged.

Sausage, fresh baked dutch style pancakes that were a specialty of Kate's, yogurt, apple slices, and a big glass of milk were finished in record time, even eating as slow as Ren wanted it felt like I'd inhaled the food.

"Dad, Grandpa, Kenji and Ichiro have taken Adam to meet Eleazar to see if they can find out if he has an ability." She informed me while taking the tray void of food off my lap.

"He hasn't demonstrated anything?" I asked, not exactly worried. It had been yet another theory about Hybrids that we were all hoping to see if it was true. Of the four hybrids personally known to the family now, two didn't have ability's and two did. Kaneyasu and Edward had produced children with abilities. Joham hadn't yet had a child beyond the typical hybrid. Bella let me know Kenji was rather anxious about it.

"He'll love Adam regardless," Ren reassured me when I frowned and looked to my palms resting on my lap.

My eyes widened slightly, and I heard Bella gasp, as maybe she noticed it when I had. My hands _the branding marks_, which had still been a sort of waxy red though they had stopped itching as much, were different. The redness was gone, and the raised area of the mark was not as pronounced. I ran my finger over it. Ren seeing what Bella and I had noticed snatched my hand away, while Bella blurred to my side and pulled the hair out of my face to look at my left temple.

"Rose! Go bring the boys back!" Bella said just barely above normal speaking level. Her golden eyes locked with mine and I felt the shiver of disbelief run through me. Ren seemingly had the same problem and without concern for my modesty or protest flung the blanket off my lap and lifted my hospital gown up.

Bella went to stand at her daughter's side, and I looked down. The stitches were still neatly sewn on my belly, but I wasn't sure if two day old stitches could close a wound that well. The line where I'd been cut open was not red and irritated looking, like it should have been. But it was glossy in between the black stitches. Bella ran a finger above the line. I winced slightly because it was tender, but it tickled more than anything.

The door burst open and I jumped. Dad instantly seeing what Bella and Ren were looking at came to inspect it as well.

Kenji was holding Adam, while Rose and Edward came in. My inclination to look at the Team was diverted when I saw Eleazar's figure slowly enter the room. His eyes looked a little more alive, if not still pained.

"Looks like we figured out what it is you can do," I said to my baby as Kenji handed him to me. Adam's little head wiggled and he made a gurgling sound.

"I don't think I understand," Bella said helping dad cover my lower half back up.

"He can heal people?" Rose asked Eleazar.

It was Kenji that answered, "Not exactly. It is the opposite of my ability in a way. In order for me to change the shape and size of things I need to _break_ them at a molecular level and restructure them. Perhaps all Adam is doing is _fixing_ things that are broken." His wise words did not hide his excitement.

Edward smiled at me. "Adam, were you fixing Evangeline up?" The dashing 'Edward' smile grew.

"He says it is just something he felt he needed to do; he didn't know it was wrong or special."

His little bright blue eyes met mine and I took his hand again, kissing it quickly.

"It wasn't wrong Adam… you made mummy feel better." I told him. And the instant I'd said it like that I knew what else his ability must have done.

Edward and I stared at each other, our mouths popping open.

_Hurry, hand him to Jasper!_ I told Edward lifting little Adam up to my brother. Without a word Edward called Jasper into the room. Seconds later Jasper was standing next to my bed, and Edward gently put the baby in his arms.

We all waited. Jasper looked a little dubiously at his nephew, while Adam looked a little grumpy at being passed around.

"It's too much for him to do." Edward announced.

"He might just need to grow older, like Renessmee or Ichiro did; their ability's got stronger as they aged."

The room stood silently and Jasper didn't seem to want to hand Adam back at first, but after a long moment he put the bundle back in my arms.

"It's not just Kenji's ability," Eleazar murmured while his black eyes watched the infant. "Evangeline contributed something to him. Renessmee can break through Bella's shield easily. She breaks down all barriers, and that too is opposite of Bella's ability." That gave us all a pause. What was the opposite of my ability? We didn't even know exactly what it was I could do.

"We might not really know what that component could be until she is changed." Dad stated.

"So…" I turned to look at Kenji, "That could be… any day now." My brows rose, as if to say 'fulfill your part of the bargain.'

"We'll talk more later." Kenji dismissively said, and as soon as he did I was aware of something I hadn't noticed before. Kenji was hesitating. It'd been proved that I had survived the birth of a hybrid. What more did they want? Adam healing me didn't change the fact I'd survived, it just sped up the healing process. Narrowing my eyes at him as Adam touched my arm, almost like he was inspecting it, Kenji didn't seem to care to hold my stare.

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AN: Like his ability? Oh and sorry this chapter is so short, next one is about the same length too. And remember 6 reviews= next chapter.


	30. Collecting a Debt

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

**Panthalassa : High Tide**

**Chapter 30 - Collecting a Debt  
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When Adam was four days old having been in contact with me for roughly 10 hours out of every day he had managed to heal the most obvious of injuries on my body. The scars on my palms were mere shadows, the ones on my back from the werewolf attack looked like elongated freckles, and the cut from my c-section was completely healed over.

I was up and walking about, eating regularly, and sleeping with minimal interruption from nightmares. In fact the only nightmares I'd had were when Adam hadn't been sleeping next to me. Alice, Tia and Jenny were constantly taking pictures of him while he was awake. What little I could gather about Adam while I observed him, was that he was rather shy. He kept ducking his head when Alice would compliment him.

Once done with his photo shoot Bella and Rosalie came down to teach him Geography. They had actually let him decide what he wanted to learn when he was two days old. He would eventually know everything, like Ren did, but I found it interesting to see what he wanted to learn.

Geography, Maths, Anatomy, Biology, and Chemistry, he wasn't even a week old and I was fairly certain he was already as smart as I had been in middle school. I left him to his Aunts and went to find Kenji. I'd been meaning to find him to talk about changing me, and I hadn't been wrong when I assessed his hesitancy to change me. He was completely avoiding the topic.

I got out to the garage, it was the last place I remembered seeing Kenji. But Toji was standing just outside the open door, the cold autumn air flowing in. I had forgotten a jacket and was about to turn back inside to fetch one when Toji, without turning lifted up a large fluffy looking sweater.

"Thanks," I mumbled while pulling it over my head.

"Right now isn't the time Evangeline." The look I gave him after I took the obligatory ten feet distance between us was quizzical. "He will change you. But he is going under my advisement. Changing you now isn't a good idea."

"Do you know _why_ it isn't a good idea?" the timid bitterness in my voice made Toji swivel his head slightly to look at me. Toji's ability and exactly how it worked was still a puzzle to me. All I knew for sure was that he was constantly viewing the future; Edward compared it to viewing a projected image on the inside of sunglasses, while still being able to see the normal world beyond it. I didn't envy Toji.

"You need to be human for just a little bit longer." He summed up smacking his lips lightly.

We both looked out into the skinny driveway, I wrapped my arms around my middle, the cold was starting to affect my legs.

"I gave him what he wanted…" I muttered, thinking about how I should be bitterer about him not holding up his end of the deal. At the end of the day I wasn't sure I wanted to be angry at him for not changing me yet. Adam was really a gift, so precious and I couldn't fathom a world without him now. My son had healed my wounds and if my suspicions were right, he'd healed my emotional wounds as well. So really… the nightmares were gone, I was healthy, and it could be argued I was happy as well. It still didn't change the ache and worry in me for being so weak, if anything I felt more frantic about it. Adam… I had to protect him as well. He was much weaker than the rest of the family.

"Eva," Carlisle said from the door leading into the house.

He had a mug of something for me and I turned to him without a word to Toji, following my dad back inside.

"Hi," I said smiling as I took the mug. Dad had been enjoying teaching Adam the basics of language the first few days which Edward had deemed good enough just this morning, so that was why we were now teaching him the subjects he wanted to learn.

"There has been a development. Alice is at the other house. She saw the Volturi angry that we weren't in Alaska, and they were preparing to go to Forks to find out our whereabouts." Carlisle's eyes searched mine for a moment.

"What happened?" My heart rate sped up and I took a sip of the hot chocolate in hopes it would help calm me.

"Once on the phone Alice informed Caius that we had to move a couple weeks ago- they won't be able to tell exactly how long ago we left, only that it wasn't recently- They are on the way here. They will arrive in two days." Dad had finished explaining as we entered the hall that opened in to the living room. Kenji was back, kneeling down in front of Bella as Adam sat on her lap.

There was a trembling thrill of panic in me, realizing what the Volturi coming here could mean. Of course I had thought about what having a hybrid would mean if the Volturi found out, but I expected to be a vampire by the time I saw them again. I thought I would be under the protection of the Japanese covens.

When I addressed this question to Kenji, his face took on the quality of someone who'd given careful thought to the issue.

"We will have to leave…" he said. I moved further in to the room, and smiled at Adam as his bright eyes turned to look at me, instead of his father.

"We?" I asked with the distracted air of a mother watching her child.

"Toji, Ichiro, Adam and I." Kenji's velvet voice was calm as he explained he was taking my baby away. Hurt, I tore my eyes away from our son. A small battle of my emotions played in me for a moment. I had to bite my instinct to argue, because Adam didn't need to see it, and really it was logical.

Aro wasn't going to be here so they had no way to know about Adam. Hiding him away while the Volturi visited was the best course of action. That didn't mean I liked it.

"We will meet them at Eleazar's house; limit the possibility of them asking about the smells." Dad explained.

"When will you be leaving?" I moved to sit on the chair next to where Adam, Kenji, and Bella were.

"In an hour or so." Kenji and I looked at each other; I could almost feel his anxiousness at what my reaction would be as if it was another piece of clothing clinging to me.

Adam made a small noise and turned to me, both hands reaching for me.

"Oh don't you worry about mummy, she'll see you soon." I told him as I leaned over to pick him up. I had to put my faith in my family to talk Caius into letting me stay here, I was certain he'd want to bring me back to Greenland with them, and it had me anxious. They couldn't separate me from my family. And Kenji had yet to fulfill his part of the deal.

When Ichiro came back with Toji the three male vampires began saying their goodbyes. I stood there holding Adam, my little boy was watching the others with a nervous pout on his face. He kept touching my hand absentmindedly when an Aunt or Uncle would come and wish him luck on his little trip with his dad and brother. It seemed like he thought any one of them would want to take him away from me and was preparing himself to not let go.

Edwards turn came to give him a kiss goodbye and he made a crying noise held his arms out to his uncle and I reluctantly let him go.

"I promise Adam, she will be well looked after… You'll have fun with your father, and you'll only be gone for a couple days at most. Toji will know when to-the puppy? Buttercup? She'll keep your mother company." My pout at watching their silent conversation was slowly melting into a grin.

Edward was the last and I hugged my baby close once he was back in my arms. We all went out to the porch where Toji, and Ichiro were waiting. Tanya and Ichiro were kissing tenderly, even being parted for just a couple days seemed to as difficult as if they would never see each other again.

Kenji came to stand before me, the tender look of someone who knew he was doing the right thing but regretted it all the same stared down at me. I hugged Adam close, gave him a soft kiss, and gently put him in his father's arms. Adam's eyes didn't leave mine as Kenji promised me they would be back as soon as it was safe.

"I love you Adam, have fun with your dad, and keep him safe okay?" I tapped the tip of his tiny nose with my finger, which seemed to cheer him up a little, and he gave me a watery smile, truly not wanting to be away from me.

Kenji said his goodbye, and I allowed him to give me a quick kiss on the top of my head before he moved away.

They got a few yards when Adam started crying. Ren put her hand on my shoulder comforting me as I watched Kenji blur away with a little piece of me. Adam's cries were like a razor on my heart and I was thankful when they were finally out of my range to see or hear.

.~.

The next day I was moved into the house Eleazar had been haunting. The family was busily setting things up to look like we'd just arrived here not that long ago, while I spent some time playing with Butt, and trying to teach her tricks.

"They should be here just before sunrise," Alice mumbled through the thumb nail she was biting. I was exhausted. With Adam being gone my nightmares came back, Kenji had been calling every four hours, and although Adam couldn't talk to me, Kenji interpreted his facial expressions for me. They were heading towards Montreal, even though they would not be able to get there and back within two days, Ichiro wanted to an attempt to show Adam what a big city looked like.

"Fine… great." I managed to say. Dread was stacking up in me like a brick wall being put up; soon I would _only_ be able to think about the horrible things that Caius would demand.

After I hung up with Kenji I wished Ren was around maybe I'd feel up to doing something other than staring blankly at the TV as some reality show was on. She and Jake had been gone most of the day as it was nearly their wedding anniversary, and they weren't sure if there would be another quiet period for them to go do anything.

My own dinner was eaten with a mute depression.

It was getting late, and mum had reminded me that I should probably get some rest. I was dreading going to yet another unused bed, and trying to fight away the nightmares that were steadily trickling in like leaks in a pipe. Maybe Adam _had_ been healing me and he'd just been taken away before he could complete the job. After all he was only a week old he couldn't fix things so quickly.

Once in my room, after a long shower, I tried to get comfortable in the bed. The entire group was gathered either outside or in the house, and once again I felt like every breath and shift of my body on the bed was being focused on.

When I couldn't sleep after an hour, I just gave up and stared at the dark ceiling. I idly wondered what Kenji was doing with our little boy. Would Adam grow enough for me to notice in the time he'd be away? I felt a little silly and weak when I found myself wishing they were both here with me. The long breath in as I rolled over brought a new thought to my mind, one I was probably repressing for prideful reasons.

This bed smelled clean, but like some sort of flower. It wasn't like _my_ bed… it was lacking something. It was lacking Kenji's scent. Had my crush on him changed so much that I was actually falling for him in some capacity that… until he'd left I hadn't even realized it?

No. I still didn't like it when ever he'd take liberty kissing me or touching me. Just because he was the only vampire that _could_ touch me without setting my ability off didn't mean he should be allowed to.

Sitting up I cupped my chin with my knees.

His scent, the soft filling smell of baking bread and cookies made me… I felt safe when he was around, when I could smell him. That had nothing to do with falling for him, I decided after a long slow debate within myself. Kenji and I shared a son that was the bond pulling us tighter together. We were a team now. It was only natural that I should feel comfortable with him, I supposed.

I closed my eyes, exhausted, yet unable to sleep. When I opened them again I saw something in the corner of my room.

She was wearing jeans and a purple t-shirt, her blonde hair pulled into a low loose braid. My eyes, didn't believe it. My heart leapt to my throat and no words would come. The first instant I saw it in the semi darkness of my room, I thought perhaps Rosalie had come in to watch over me. But I was _wrong_, as the figure turned to face me, I saw glinting in the three quarter moon light a hematite cross necklace.

Without taking my eyes off of her I moved to turn on my bed side light. It took some fumbling but I'd managed it.

It was her.

I mouthed the word my voice couldn't give sound too.

Mum.

She looked exactly like I vaguely remembered her. And her eyes were downcast looking at the floor. I had to take a mental break to be sure I wasn't dreaming. She had a shadow cast along the wall behind her from the light I'd turned on. But I needed to see her eyes. Wei hadn't been lying if, when she looked up, they were red. And I needed to know. If this was really her, if she really was alive… how?

And that was when my logical side took over, just as she raised her head to look at me.

My stomach dropped, and tears came instantly to my eyes.

"You're not _her_." I said shakily.

The figure of my mum, an illusion meant one thing, Wei was nearby. She shook her head slowly.

"Sweets," she whispered in a voice I'd longed to hear for nearly 11 years. It made another sob come out of me. She'd called me sweets when she was trying to comfort me, since she rarely allowed me any candy anyway. "I'm here to deliver you a message." She said slowly, taking a hesitative step towards me.

I could only guess as to what it was, but based on the fact none of my family came up to investigate me talking to myself, I bet the message was not something I was going to like hearing.

"Wei, you are a cruel bastard…" I muttered to the vision of my mum.

"He may be cruel sweets… but he thought perhaps you'd want a chance to see me."

"I-" I started, shifting on my bed.

Wei was trying to break me. He _knew_ that I knew my mum wasn't alive. How could she be? And here he was using her image to deliver a message, likely a horrible one. Whatever she was going to tell me I didn't want to hear it yet.

If she was going to tell me my family was dead… and I was next I wanted-needed to let the ghost of her know what I had been carrying around in my heart all these years. Fake or no, she looked, talked and acted like my mum, and this was likely the last time I would _ever_ hear her speak. It was a bittersweet nightmare watching her blue eyes soften slightly seeing my face turned up in pain.

"Before you tell me what… what Wei wants you to tell me…I want to use this chance to say… Goodbye." I wiped the tears away with my palm. Mum's eyes turned sad and she looked close to tears herself. Even if it was a lie, if _she_ wasn't here, I had to take this moment to get this off my chest. "I never got a chance to say it before… I love you mum. And I am so sorry that I…that I never got to say goodbye." I was close to full out bawling at that point, as mum took the steps between us and sat on the bed next to me.

"I love you too sweets… I always have." Wei may have been cruel for killing and attacking, and my heart was wrenching painfully in my chest as all the things I knew were pushed away. I _**hated**_ him for all he'd done to hurt those I'd loved, and that he was likely hurting them right now. But when the illusion of my mum put her arm around me and held me, I lost all reason and just curled into her and cried.

"I'm sorry mum… Wherever you are I am _sorry_." I murmured a moment later, steadily trying to calm myself.

"I know, and now for my message Eva…" she grabbed my chin and pulled me away so we could look each other in the eyes, her fingers were much stronger than I thought they'd be for an illusion. "You need to come outside and join the rest of your family… he has Renessmee."

As soon as the last words came out of her mouth, a cruel smile I'd never imagined my mum to wear broke on her face. An instant later she was gone. My arms fell to the bed, and it was after I was released from Wei's illusion I could hear the screaming.

.~.

I tore out of my room and down the stairs.

"Ah there she is!" Someone happily called out across the dark yard. The night air was cold but the adrenaline pulsing through my body didn't let me feel it. I ran to the cluster of figures in the yard that I recognized. Everyone was in a semi circle, and out about 30 feet away was the small frame of who I guessed was Wei. He had two people next to him, they shifted oddly and that made me think they were human. The clear night sky with the three quarter of moonlight let me see that there was something lying at his feet.

Bella was on her knees a mere foot or two closer to Wei than everyone else. Edward was firmly wrapped around her, with Rosalie their left side, kneeling down to comfort them I guessed.

"Now that you are here Eva, we can begin." I had guessed right that this was Wei. He almost sounded bored.

"How long have you been out here…?" I asked glancing to my left to see Alice and Emmett barely shift.

"Roughly ten minutes…" Wei said off handedly. "You should know that I have given your family express directions not to move or speak… If they do _either_ I will be sure to kill that **freak** I found her with," Wei had an annoyed tone, and none too gently kicked the figure on the ground, which I suddenly realized was Ren.

My mouth closed tightly. He had Jake too? But not here… so Jake was alright?

"Oh… **you** can speak Eva dear," Wei sighed with a bored tone.

"Why are you here?"

"I thought you, of all people would know." He angrily spat at me. I doubted I would have liked the look on his face, if I could have seen it.

I played dumb, "I don't… as it happens."

Wei laughed bitterly and gave Ren a small shove with his foot so her body rolled slightly. Bella made a noise in her throat.

"I am here to have you reverse whatever it is you did to me in Alaska. And look," he squatted down and took hold of a large chunk of Ren's hair and pulled it up as he stood. I felt sick watching as he pulled her up, her body dangling in unconsciousness, "I brought some incentive for you to give me what I want."

"Put her down Wei," I ordered, wishing that dad could talk, maybe he could figure out a way out of this.

"So you'll fix me then?" he asked sounding surprised.

_I can't admit to him that I don't know how_, I thought desperately. Wei flicked his fingers and let Ren loose, she tumbled to the ground in a heap again, and instinctively I made to move towards her. Jaspers firm spike of worry shot through me to stop me.

"How do we do this…?" I asked trying to maintain a level tone as I started to shake from fright, and cold.

"Well… my terms are simple. Renessmee for you Evangeline. Of course I cannot promise you'll live much longer after you've fixed what you've done to me. But the same could be said of your entire family if you don't."

"So… you're not just threatening Ren. You are holding everyone hostage?" I clarified. Having Ren as a hostage was one thing, but holding the entire family hostage was horrific in the extreme. And Wei knew, he _knew_ exactly what I would do.

He nodded, and the two humans shifted near him.

"What's with the humans?" I asked, stalling in hopes my feeble brain could figure out a solution to this situation.

"Distraction measures for your friends here," Wei made a gesture to the Irish coven on the left. His clipped accent was grating on my ears.

I turned my head slightly to look at mum and dad. Carlisle's face was a still with great pain and worry, mum wasn't even hiding the frantic worry from her face, and her body was shaking slightly as her suppressed sobs were coursing through her.

Was this it? Wei knew I wouldn't let them get hurt. So I… I would go with him, of course, but what then? If Wei touched me I would try to turn him off… or as many of those lights I could. Based on how my ability was working I might have a nose bleed again, or as Eleazar said it, something worse. That was to say that Wei hadn't planned for the eventuality that I might try something sneaky.

I barely had time to blink when I saw Wei turn to the west and snarl furiously. The humans next to him screamed and tried to run.

That was all the warning I had before Wei leapt into the air and I saw five figures come from nowhere and attack.

I was pulled back by the collar on my pajamas, and found Emmett's scent overwhelming me as he put his shirt on me.

Metallic ripping and high pitched screams thundered in the area.

"Edward NO!" Alice screamed loudly. I managed to look around Emmett's big form to see what was happening.

Edward had stood, and was about to go to Ren when he was thrown back, so fast and far I didn't see where he landed.

Something else landed between where Ren lay abandoned. And I was pulled away further by someone as I saw others trying to join in what I now knew to be a battle.

"Ah Caius... so lovely to meet you. _You_ can live, only so that you may tell your brother Aro that I will be with him shortly." I heard Wei shout loudly; his words were quickly overlaid with more tearing sounds.

What ability could Wei _possibly_ have that my family and friends, _and_ the Volturi couldn't stop him?

Someone, Jane I realized, was screaming piercingly as if she herself was on fire. I managed to look around the figure of Eleazar who had been trying to protect me as the mini battle waged. Wei was doing just that. Jane was standing still as flames rose from the ground engulfing her. Caius, minus an arm, stood further away. I could see pieces of vampire littering the ground. None of the guard that came with Caius was left standing.

Bella had Ren in her arms now, and Edward was standing protectively in front of them. Wei upon seeing them growled.

"I'll go with you!" I shouted. Knowing that by breaking their word and moving Wei would likely kill my family as effortlessly as he had the Volturi guard.

Wei stopped mid stride towards my brother and sister and turned to me. Jane had stopped screaming.

"Good, come here to me." He ordered. Eleazar grabbed at my forearm and gave me a small squeeze before I stumbled away from him; my lights barely tingled from contact with him.

I saw, with the eerie aid of the tiny burning pillar that had been Jane, the eyes of my family watching me. I hugged Emmett's shirt closer.

"Now remember Cullen's. I still have your _freak_. You come after her, I kill him. Then I will come back to finish you, _one_ by _one_ and just for fun. I might save a couple of you for my mate to play with." His tone held no pride, or boasting. It was dead flat and threatening.

I don't know how I made myself approach him, while carefully stepping over body parts of the Volturi guard, but I was almost to him when I turned back to look at my family. Edward and Bella were closest to me, and they were watching me as the venomous tears filled their eyes.

Wei would kill me. Or he'd bring me to Zhan to kill me. But if I didn't go with him, he'd kill _them_. At least this way, I'd have a chance to use my ability to do more damage before he came back to them. Because I was going to force my ability beyond what was probably safe… I would stop Wei. I had to.

I couldn't even bring myself to say goodbye to my family, something I was sure to regret in my last moments alive.

I saw the shadow of Wei raise his arm to knock me out, and I closed my eyes.

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AN: Did anyone think they'd see Wei again so soon? In case you are wondering, I do not believe in happy endings. I will be updating the photobucket sometime this week to include Kenji! I'll update this section when I do.

Also if you have any burning questions about the series insofar please PM them to me as I once I finish the story I would be happy to write up a Q&A type update. (example: Where is Evangeline's first child?)

Oh and please review!

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_As of today I do not know when, if ever, I will complete any of my stories. I just found out my boyfriend took his own life and am too distraught to even think about writing any time soon. I am sorry to those of you who have gotten attached to Eva. If you want to PM me about how I had wanted to end the fic I would be happy giving you a summary._


	31. Blackout

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

AN:_ Hello. It's been a while huh? Rather than make this a really long authors note I have put an update on my profile. If you are interested in knowing what's the DL (down low) on this story is please go check out my profile._

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**Panthalassa : High Tide  
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**Chapter 31 - Blackout  
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My head was throbbing, and my eyes were _burning_. Wei was running through the predawn morning. I shifted slightly to see trees blur past us. Wei had thrown me uncomfortably over his shoulder, Emmett's shirt acting as yet another barrier.

"Good timing Evangeline." Wei said as he set me down on the frost covered ground. The burning subsided some. My whole body felt stiff and it resisted any movement as I tried to get comfortable. I looked up to see what Wei was doing, and saw that he was gone. I looked around blinking slowly, only to hear a broken terror filled scream in the distance. Wei was back a few seconds later.

"Breakfast." He said simply. My stomach turned as he took me by the forearm and slung me over his shoulder again.

I was inside a small cabin within moments of the previous owners living in it happily. Wei hadn't bothered to move the bodies. A young woman, very clearly pregnant lay on the floor of the kitchen, the refrigerator door open against her leg. I saw the legs of what I assumed were her husband on the hallway floor, but Wei directed me to the couch before I could really see.

The pity I felt for the young couple was small… I had bigger problems than the way that my captor had killed them. At least it had been quick.

Wei sat across from me in the thick arm chair; his body faced the empty fireplace, while his head was turned at a sharp angle to watch me.

"So, has Kenji told you how _evil_ and _vile_ I am?" he asked.

I swallowed; debating what-if anything- I should say to him.

A slow bitter smirk worked its way on to his face.

"Oh _come_ now Evangeline. This is the part of the story where the _evil_ villain tells you his deepest darkest secrets and plans. How am I to divulge my story if you don't play along." He was mocking me now, the bitter smirk working into a full on evil grin.

"He wouldn't need to tell me anything… You kind of give off the aura." I managed out of tight lips. My body was so tense I felt like I was going to pass out from nerves.

The room went still, and I felt the odd feeling of my breathing being the only action happening in the world. It only lasted an instant, but I recognized it.

"Ah…" Wei said softly, now with great slowness he turned his body towards me.

"A son? You have given the _great_ and _mighty_ Kenji a _son_?" Wei's voice was thin and deadly.

"You won't ever touch him," I hissed through my lips. It was going beyond my ability to control my rage, the thinly veiled threat to my Adam. I wanted to attack Wei again at the mere mention of my little boy.

"Perhaps not. But such a special child… my Zhan would love such a precious thing." His tone changed again to a simple conversational one.

I gagged, thinking of Zhan with my Adam in her clutches.

"She has longed for a child… since before I changed her. And with his ability, perhaps he could heal her mind as he did yours." Now I could tell he was talking more to himself as he looked away from me.

"Heal her mind?" I scoffed. There was nothing **to** heal, Zhan's mind was gone. A soulless creature if there ever was one.

Wei was staring off at the direction of the kitchen behind me, where the woman's body lay as he muttered a story I am sure he'd never shared before.

"What do you know of _pain_ child? I have seen your memories and your life. Your suffering is nothing to that of my mate had lived through. Pain that festers and weakens, it destroys you inside and out. That is the state I found her in. And I being the fool, too blissfully happy to find my mate after centuries, did not even see. She was _broken_, my venom and the burning fractured her further. She awoke to this life unable to feel happiness except for when she hurts others. The cross is mine to bear to love her for eternity as she is. I will tell you all of this so that you might understand why it is that what we are doing is the best solution for _everyone_.

"You know Kaneyasu changed me. My life before had been perfect, I had servants, money luxury, anything and everything humanly desirable was at my fingertips. My family was rich beyond imagining. Kaneyasu and Kenji **picked** me and changed me as an _experiment_. And when I didn't exhibit an ability like Kaneyasu had assumed I would have, he cast me aside. So I was a monster born and turned away by my creator. I couldn't sleep, or eat; I couldn't walk in sunlight without being reminded that I was a killing horror. My life had been taken from me, and I desired vengeance. So when the chance came to take it, I did. Fortunately for me Kenji was nowhere near when my company found Kaneyasu.

"At the time I had no qualms with Kenji. It wasn't he that picked me from my palace, or bit me. But years later when I saw him and that hybrid that smelled of his old master I knew my revenge wasn't complete. _How_ could I allow the offspring of the man that had taken so much from me to live? So I made it my goal to kill him, the hybrid child. To ensure every bit of Kaneyasu was wiped from the earth. Kenji has prevented it at every turn, and so I came to understand that in order to kill the child I must kill his protector.

"When I found my mate… she didn't understand our connection and for years I suffered her brutality till some part of her understood she actually loved me. To curb her torturous actions on me I directed her towards hunting humans. And to my own horror she became the very evil I myself had seen in Kaneyasu, except she killed _without_ reason, my flower loves pain and torture in ways that even make me sick. Which is why I was not there when you were taken. She brings me the potentials, the ones with abilities for me to take. It is, in her twisted way, her way of giving me gifts. I proposed an offer to her in an attempt to assuage my own guilt at her perversion that we rid the world of all other vampires. She and I could rule absolutely as we saw fit. She thrilled at the idea and immediately began planning.

"I cannot go back to her without my original ability intact. This much I know. And if I do not return soon, she will cover the earth in newborns to look for me, fearing my destruction. As neither of us wants that, you _will_ return my ability. Because although I cannot promise your families survival. I can promise… that the manner of their deaths will be decided on how you act today. A slow torturous death for those without abilities, or a quick one for all of them."

At that the bile rising in my body erupted out of me. Hot and acidic it burned my throat.

"How very… generous of you." I muttered wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. Wei paid no attention to my vomit on the floor.

"You give me what I want Eva, no tricks, I am even _willing_ to go as far as allowing your Adam and friend Renesmee to live. I will _give_ you that." He insisted. His blood red eyes were piercing.

I closed my eyes, letting the grief over the turn of events cascade over me. If only Kenji had changed me. If I fought, like I planned… who knew if I could even succeed, but if I just gave in to his demands no one would suffer. I cursed Kenji in my head, pulling his face to mind wondering why he had waited. I felt the small sobs escape me when it finally hit me that I would never see him again. I would never see Kenji or Adam again. And I _was_ afraid. My heart felt heavy as if steal had encased it when I thought about Kenji. I wished he was here, for the first time I began to comprehend how much faith I had put in him.

"Do we have an understanding Eva?" he demanded to know.

I sniffed loudly, the tiredness giving way to the weary understanding that I was in an impossible position.

"The sooner we get this done the sooner I am no longer tempted to drink you dry…" I heard him say slowly.

How could I forget how delicious I was to vampires? That was why Wei had fed before sitting in a closed in space with me. The bolt of inspiration hit me as I was opening my eyes to give Wei my promise to comply.

Shizuka.

The last we'd heard she had been shadowing Wei. My body stiffened instinctually now realizing what that could mean. Was Shizuka nearby? Given her first and second reactions to me, I doubted she'd be able to stop herself from trying to feed from me. So she was watching from a distance then?

"I have to go to the bathroom… before we start this or I won't be able to concentrate." I lied to him, hoping to give myself more time to think this over logically.

"Be quick."

I was wobbly on my feet as I stood and I stumbled down the hall, closing my eyes tightly as I stepped over the body of the man in the corridor. Making it in to the bathroom I let out a breath and stood over the sink, leaning forward to rest my forehead against the mirror there. I gripped the counter as I thought about Shizuka.

What I knew was Shizuka had been following Wei. As far as I knew Kenji never ordered her to stop. Following Wei had been her way to make sure she didn't come after _me_. But what now? If she had been following Wei surely now she would come after me? Her instincts would demand it. Part of me hoped she was waiting for the right moment to strike to get me, and being in the bathroom was about the best chance she would have before Wei finished me off himself. Wei also knew via my memories that Shizuka was following him.

So… she wasn't attacking me because… she wasn't here.

I took the small step backwards and sat down on the toilet, putting my hands to cover my face.

If Shizuka wasn't here, _where_ was she?

I couldn't think past the fact Shizuka wasn't here. Or where she could possibly be. So I splashed some water on my face and left the bathroom, my footsteps felt so loud, falling on the worn wooden floor.

After facing death so many times in my life, you would think that when the moment was truly upon me, I would feel some sort of surreal frantic sadness. A grief over all that I never got to do, or the things and people I would leave behind.

But as I approached the living room where I'd left Wei all that I felt was acceptance. I would have never bet against Alice, not really, but this time I think she was wrong. Bringing me in to the family had only prevented their deaths from happening sooner.

The bodies had been moved, likely Wei had just thrown them outside. But it didn't even look as though he had moved. I took my spot on the couch again and gradually locked eyes with him.

He moved to kneel in front of me and deliberately, slowly his hand moved to touch mine.

"If you do not do as I instruct my wrath will not be unleashed only on your family. But **every** **single** **person** you have _ever_ known. I will ensure each of them, from Hannah Jordan to Kevin will suffer considerably till the moment they die."

I didn't look away from the evil in front of me.

"You have my word." I told him as I felt the burning start in the back of my head.

Searing white pain engulfed my hand as Wei touched me, and bright lights lit up my vision.

I tried to find the dark one, _tried_ to see the darkness among the lights. But it was useless as trying to breath under water. The pain was nearing the pass out point, and I couldn't find it. I pulled away from him, my other senses returned, and I could hear my own ragged gasping.

The ache in my eyes wouldn't go away, and I honestly thought I had vomited again based off of the burning in my throat.

"You will try again," Wei ordered, and instantly the inferno behind my eyes started up again as he touched me.

There was a breaking sound then I was flying. I was soaring through the air; it was cold and biting as if millions of razor teethed spiders were latching onto me. The brightness now was only because I was outside. Three things registered in rapid succession for me, I was no longer touching Wei, as there was clearly a battle happening inside what used to be a cabin in the woods. I was being held by impossibly strong arms. My lights didn't react at all to whoever was holding me.

The burning still wearing off from my vision I turned to look at who was embracing me so carefully.

His golden eyes were alight with tight worry and his face was so clearly showing relief.

"K-kenji?" I whispered as his eyes met mine.

"I am-" He began, but I couldn't hold it back, my unencumbered relief and gratitude, so I pushed myself at him, awkwardly wrapping my arms around him. He instantly shut up. I didn't even have the energy to put up objections when his firm lips pressed in to mine with the need of someone who'd nearly lost something so dear to him.

"Will you be alright out here?" He asked as I heard the bone chilling screeching that was a vampire fight echo off the trees.

I hadn't even finished saying yes before he left my side to join in the battle. My legs collapsed under me and I less than gracefully sat on the ground.

I heard shouting and saw a blur go off in to the woods. A second later, almost as if saying "I've had enough" the house fell in on itself, a plume of dusty air billowed up from the settling ruins. I was full on shivering when Kenji came back, instantly stripping off his shirt and putting over Emmett's.

"Where is Adam? What happened? Is Wei…"

Kenji pulled me close to his chest, and I shuddered against his cold arms weary and distraught.

"Wei was able to get away, but not before Ichiro got a souvenir. Adam is perfectly safe, he is with Toji and Shizuka-"

"Shizuka? I was wondering about her, last I heard she was-" the panic in my voice must have made Kenji overly concerned as he gently began to run his fingers through my hair to calm me.

"Shizuka saw where Wei was heading and knew what he wanted from you. She left Wei's side to come watch over Adam along with Toji, only first calling me to inform me of Wei's intentions. Our son is likely distraught with worry over your safety."

I closed my eyes, thankful for Kenji. And for the first time I supposed I was thankful for Shizuka too.

"Hey there kid, you look a little ghostly." I heard a new voice behind me. Separating myself from Kenji felt like I was a sticker being peeled off of glass.

Ichiro looked like he'd just stepped out of a wood chipper, as most of his clothes were in complete tatters; a bare strip covered his lower portions, which in the right wind would leave nothing to the imagination. His mouth had a long thing line running from his chin across the front to the opposite side by his ear. It was a familiar sign of a wound healing on a vampire, it was _fresh_. He was holding something laxly over his shoulder, and I almost smiled realizing it was most of an arm. Wei's arm.

Kenji said something in Japanese and Ichiro responded before giving me a timid smile.

.~.

Kenji carried me back bridal style as I was too weak to manage to hold on to his shoulders. The bright clear day was steadily heating the air, and the cries of joy upon my family seeing me warmed me throughout.

"She's going to have a few nose bleeds." Kenji mentioned to the group. When he gestured to my chest I saw a thin line of red going down my neck. I had had a nose bleed when I'd tried to return Wei's power and I hadn't even noticed.

Mum took me in her arms first, she was shaking so horribly and her sobbing was as heart wrenching as ever. Everyone had a turn holding me while Ichiro stood by. However there were three, no five distinct people missing. Once Kate pulled away I looked around the group.

"Where is Ren? And Jake?" I asked looking to Carlisle first. I felt Kenji pull me in to his arms again.

Running a hand through his hair dad looked like a man after a horrible burden had been given to him.

"Eva… Wei- he killed Jake." Jasper said barely above a whisper.

Kenji was holding me firm as my body gave out. He helped me sit when my legs could support me.

"Jake? No… Not. He said he would, but he _hadn't_ yet." I denied. Wei said if _they_ did anything he would kill him. They hadn't.

"Eva-"

"NO!" I shouted at dad as he reached out to me. "No! He is alive, he has to be!" I slapped my hand over my mouth as I realized I was shouting, and _what_ I was shouting.

"The humans with Wei confirmed it… before Caius took them with him." Dad explained.

"But... how could they know? Maybe they didn't see it right, it was dark out." I pleaded searching Maggie out. She along with the other human eaters were a good 40 feet away up wind from me. She shook her head once slowly, her red curls swaying dejectedly as she did.

"Take me to Ren." I ordered no one in particular.

"She isn't in any state-" Jasper began, but I cut him off with the strongest glare I could give him.

"You need to rest, and Toji will be bringing Adam shortly." The underlying message was that I had other obligations that were more important.

"I. Need. To. See. Her," I emphasized looking to dad. The lacking presence of Seth, Bella, and Edward were like slashes on my own grief. She needed a friend now, not just her parents. I'd never really been in love with someone the way she and Jake were in love. The closest I had, had been how I felt for my mum. I could have used a friend back when I lost her.

.~.

Bella was sitting on the floor next to the fireplace, Ren curled up in front of her with her head in Edwards lap. Edward was running his hands through her hair his eyes were closed with the tight pain of overwhelming loss. Seth was prowling behind her in wolf form, and he was the only one to acknowledge my presence.

Kenji did not enter the small room they were in but gave my hand a small squeeze as I entered. I had no idea what house we were in, but based on the décor I doubted it was a house the Cullen's owned.

I wasn't sure how to help, or what I could say, because I honestly still couldn't believe it, not truly. Jake was so strong and so vivid. He couldn't be _dead_.

She was staring at the flames when I came to sit next to Edward. Her eyes didn't leave the fire, and she didn't even blink for the longest time.

The creeping understanding of her state burned my heart keenly. It was like looking at the shell of a once beautiful monument. She was _hollow_. Her eyes were far and distant haunting in their disastrous grief. Ren was… wherever she was it wasn't here with us in this room. She was breathing, and blinking on occasion, but people in vegetative states looked more alive than she did.

"She's in shock," Edward said slowly, his rich voice weak and tortured. I nodded once, as I felt wet tears pool in my eyes.

I knew how the mind protects itself from horrible things by doing things like shutting down. But seeing her laying there with her entire being looking as if it craved nothing more than to disappear brought out a different kind of helplessness in me.

There was nothing I _could_ do, not really. But I reached out to take her hand in mine after a while, not sure if she could feel it. Edward was quicker than my mind it appeared because as I was about to touch her he grabbed the sleeve on my shirt and pulled my arm away.

"She is projecting, much like she does when asleep. You do not want to see… this. With how her ability affects you…" He trailed off watching my comprehension in my mind.

I felt the odd trickling sensation by my nose as Bella handed me a tissue.

I hadn't been there with Ren long, but Kenji came to collect me.

The house where Adam had been born in was empty and Kenji brought me straight to my room, right to my bed. It seemed he wasn't going to allow me to walk, but it was unlikely that I could have supported myself.

"Try to rest," Kenji urged quietly.

The position I was in when he set me down felt comfortable, or at least it wasn't horrible enough for me to care to move.

"Is he really dead?" I whispered, remembering Jake laughing and joking with me the last time I saw him.

Kenji cleared his throat softly, and I felt his hand gently caress my shoulder. I stared at the ceiling, trying for the grief I knew was there.

"They are looking for… his body. Seth has been unable to contact him. Alice cannot see for obvious reasons." He hadn't answered me.

"**Is** he dead Kenji?"

"Toji has called… confirming it." The weighted regret in his words didn't even evoke the emotional storm I wanted to unleash.

"Why… don't I feel it Kenji?" I pushed myself up and turned to look at him with no small amount of desperation. "I don't know what's _wrong_ with me. I was crying and upset before… not an hour ago, and now it _isn't_ coming to me." I complained hoping for the rage filled tears of injustice. His arm wound around my shoulders and he pulled me into his lap as he positioned us on the bed. I was being cradled between his legs on top of the covers.

"You are in shock." He explained, almost stupidly.

It was remembering Edward saying the same thing about Ren that made the first resurfacing of sorrow take hold.

"I am so _sick_ of feeling… sadness _and_ loss, _and_ worry. I hate **this** I hate all this death and how I what little happiness I have in me is clouded by so much terror for the future I can't enjoy it."

I couldn't stand feeling all these horrible emotions, it was a whole other scale from the sadness and loneliness I felt when in foster care but it _was_ comparable. I saw no end to it then, and now all I wanted was for it _to_ end. I pulled Kenji closer, his arms up and tighter around me, he obliged willingly. The horrible memories of all the traumatic things that had happened to me were consuming me and soon they would threaten to not only break through the numbness but perhaps they would break me entirely. I was lost in my own head and worried I wasn't strong enough to avoid breaking down. Turning my head slightly I took in a long stuttering breath of his scent; it ended up being exactly what I needed.

As foggy and stupid my mind could be at times, perhaps it was always when I was amid the most hurricane like situations that I could find the one thing to hold on to, to keep me safe and sane. Just his smell alone broke through my building mental upheaval. How could something so simple sooth me? I tried to remember the last time I mentally sought out someone aside from Kenji when I was having an issue. And since meeting him I could only count a handful of times. A primal part of me, the one I was about to give in to, knew what it meant. The logical part knew I was only going to act on my need to escape, but it didn't care.

"Evangeline it is-" He began, but I shifted and moved to face him, his arms falling from my shoulders, my legs were tucked under me and my eyes were searching his gold ones.

My decision made, all logic and rational thought were cast aside to give way to the hunger for him to be near.

I kissed him. Kenji apparently had been not only wanting it but waiting for it, I quickly judged based on his eager response. His hands roamed my back and through my hair, as my lips worked on bruising themselves on his lips.

His scent was cascading over me and it brought the first feelings I knew that would come.

"I need you to make me forget about this sorrow for just… just a moment Kenji," I begged when I pushed back slightly to take a breath.

He resumed kissing me and took the initiative to flip us over. Our eyes locked briefly as his hand ripped my layers of shirts off of me. His eyes were slowly fading to the primal black caused by intense emotions.

I closed my eyes as I repressed the grief for Jake, and pushed into Kenji as his lips gently kissed my neck. Seeing how broken Ren had been, how _broken_ everything was drove an unquenchable thirst in me to salvage _some_ happiness. My arms were gripping at his bare back like he'd fade into the air, and the cascading unbroken waves of _grief_ and _need_ were pulling me down.

The world was an ocean; frigid waves pulling me further from shore, Kenji's lips on my skin, a scalding icy burn on my soul was the salvation I may not have wanted. But it was what I needed.

We were a frantic wild tangle of limbs as I struggled to hold him, feel him, and let my whole soul come to grips with how I found myself _needing_ Kenji. The low whimper of a moan soared out of my lips as his fingers caressed my bare waist.

Upon opening my eyes, I saw the look of determination and devotion looking upon me.

"Eva-"

"I want this… I _need_ this." I said before resuming finding something better for my lips to be doing.

"I need you." He whispered back warmly into my ear.

I had always known what love was. What it meant to give yourself to someone, to share everything you were with them. I thought I had loved Kevin. I knew I had loved Seth. But with Kenji, my soul cried out in jubilation when I finally allowed myself to surrender to what I knew had been building since the day we met. There was nothing I would ever want more than to feel him this close, to smell him and look in to his eyes. Our bodies joined, the soft warm satin of my body giving heat to him. Tears were rolling silently out of my gently closed eyes, as he moved inside me.

I had needed him to help me escape, to save me from drowning, he did that and more. He breathed into me the understanding of how love, like I knew I felt for him, would be my salvation.

.~.

Adam was asleep on my chest when I slowly woke. Kenji was sitting on the bed with his back against the headboard. I dully noticed that Kenji had redressed me when I shifted to sit up. Taking his son from me so I could manage it better Kenji gave me a soft smile.

"If you are awake and ready now, the others are waiting for us down stairs." He stated. His hands seemed so large holding our son, and I noticed a scar on the back of his hand I hadn't before.

"How long was I out?" My voice cracked slightly as I shifted to the edge of the bed.

"Just shy of two hours. Ichiro brought Adam in here once… once you were asleep." Instead of a blush forming at his mention of our coupling, I bit my lower lip and ducked my head slightly.

Adam was still asleep in Kenji's arms when we made it down to the living room.

"-we don't have a lot of time," Alice was saying when I got close enough to the group to hear the conversation. If you didn't know vampires like I did you would think everything was normal, perfect even. But I could see the subtle distress on everyone's faces. Even Siobhan, who hadn't expressly liked Jake, looked mournful.

"Bringing him back to Forks is-"

"We are his family Alice-"

"What's going on?" I asked seeing that everyone gathered; Kate, Garrett, Tanya, Ichiro, Eleazar, Maggie, Liam, Siobhan, Tia, Benjamin, Jenny, Nahuel, Alice, Jasper, Mum, Dad, Emmett and Rosalie had been about to talk at once, over one another.

"We are leaving." Alice told me running a twitchy hand through her stubby hair.

"Not yet."Dad sternly added.

"We need to talk this through," Liam added.

"We don't exactly have a lot of time." Kate added heatedly.

"This is not exactly up for debate!" Alice screamed. Jasper tried to put a hand on her shoulder but she roughly jerked it off. Alice outburst caught me off guard. I suspected someone had been using their super soft talking voice so I wouldn't hear whomever Alice was venting at.

"And she needs to know!" She added glaring at Kenji to my left, as well as dad. Ah, that answered that question.

"Fine," Kenji sighed, shifting to hand Adam to Ichiro. Deftly Kenji nudged me into the chair Rosalie sat next to me. "Alice has seen that Wei is going to fulfill his promise to hurt anyone you've met. He is already on his way to Chicago. Jasper has arranged some rather shifty people to get Dr. Reynolds and his family out of the country." He paused here to let me soak that in. I glanced to Alice then dad.

"He… he means _everyone_?" I asked, panic started to build in me.

Alice nodded, her jaw was clenched now.

"I can't save them all Eva… Mrs. Jordan… Kevin… even… Mrs. and Mr. Thorp. All of our ideas to get them safe have… not worked. We were able to get your friend Hope safe. But there are too many others he plans on killing… I just can't-"

"What about Charlie? All those people in Forks? You can't see the wolves, but Wei will go there won't he!?" I was frantic now. I couldn't remember all of the people I cared about at one point. But by whatever ability Wei had used on me twice now _he_ knew. He knew everyone that I had ever had a positive relationship with. And he was setting out to kill them all.

"Which is why we _need_ to leave," Alice urged again.

"They won't leave Nessie now." Emmett added.

"And surely we have time to at least bring him back to the reservation," mum said.

"We don't have time for it. If we go there, our futures go black. I will not allow that at a time like this. Wei knows, because Eva knows, that I cannot see the wolves. He will rip them apart; the whole tribe will be wiped out. How can we move an entire tribe in less than 36 hours? They have no defense for what Wei is capable of."

"I do." Ichiro added.

Kenji shared a small conversation with his eldest son in Japanese.

"To keep those safe in Washington, we will send Ichiro and Shizuka along with Renesmee, Seth, Edward, Bella, Tanya, Nahuel and Jenny. Perhaps Wei will not expect it and we can catch him off guard."

"Dividing our forces…" Jasper muttered.

"What choice do we have? Renesmee needs her parents, and they need to bring… to take Jake back to his people." Tia added.

It was only after Tia mentioned Jake as an object rather than a person that I felt the welling of sorrow in me again.

"You found him?" I asked the room while looking at my hands in my lap. The faint marks from Zhan's branding were blurry, when I blinked the tears out of my eyes they were still faded and hard to see.

"Around the time Kenji brought you back here." Jasper answered.

I felt like I needed to see him, see Jake to be sure they were telling the truth. But even this would have been too cruel a joke to play, so I _had_ to accept it. Jacob Black was dead.

"What about the rest of us?" Maggie asked Kenji.

"Ichiro and I discussed this. Toji has already given his consent. Shizuka would consent as well. Anyone not going to Forks to protect the tribe and await Wei will come with us to our secluded home in the mountains by Toyoma." Kenji stated.

Garrett whistled at that announcement.

"Provided," Ichiro added roughly, "That those that hunt humans abide by our strict feeding laws."

Benjamin made a face, "What laws are these?"

"No one under the age of 60 is to be consumed as food." Ichiro stared Benjamin down.

"Phone," Alice said quickly before ducking away. She passed the silent hand held device to dad, a second before it rang.

"It's Aro," Kenji whispered to me.

The conversation was short. And Carlisle barely said more than five words.

"Aro wants us to go to Greenland immediately. Caius has called and informed him of what happened here. You are to be changed once we arrive." Dad told me once he had hung up.

"He was _pissed_, probably because we didn't escort Caius back." Emmett half chuckled.

"Aro holds no power over anyone any longer," Kenji sensibly said, getting us back on track.

"So… Japan then?" Maggie asked doubtfully.

Kenji nodded.

"We leave for the airport in fifteen minutes. Alice, will the clouds be here by time we get to the airport?"

My sister nodded once and looked to the floor.

"I'll pack your things Eva," Rosalie offered timidly.

"No need." I said instantly. "When we win we can come back to get anything I want."

"That is… if you remember you wanted it to begin with." Ichiro chided, a worried smile barely forming on his face.

Mum took the opportunity to hug me as Ichiro's ability was standing close enough to still affect me. I held on to her briefly enjoying her sweet cinnamon scent before Adam made a noise as he wiggled in his brothers arms.

I looked around the Calgary house, and wondered if when I was an immortal if I would remember it for the horrors and wonders discovered here.

..~..

..~..

If you are glad for more chapters, and liked this one please review.

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	32. One More Time

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

**Panthalassa : High Tide  
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**Chapter 32 - One More Time  
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><p>We arrived at Toji's hideaway castle mid afternoon in the mountains outside of a city I was told was named Toyoma. The castle was buried deep in the mountains and the cars could only take me so far. Kenji carried me the rest of the way, with Adam's wide eyes eagerly looking at anything and everything he could from Rosalie's arms as she carried him.<p>

There was a deep depression weighing the entire group down. Saying goodbye to our loved ones as they left for Washington had been nearly heart shattering in its misery. Ren was still unable to move on her own, having Seth carry her like a wounded bird everywhere. She acknowledged no one. Bella too seemed to be unable to do much more than follow whoever had Ren with them like a duckling following after its parent.

I hadn't been allowed to get close enough to say the kind of goodbye to her that I wanted, worry over her ability randomly lashing out was a concern Ichiro had had. Buttercup was going with them to Forks, it was my hope my puppy could be a comfort to her in my stead. Adam watched me with little tears in his eyes as I cried the majority of the flight to Japan, grieving for Jake.

Kenji's wealth and power in the business world hadn't ever occurred to me, but the sheer size of the private plane we had and the fact we were landing at a much smaller airport outside of Toyoma helped me realize it. The Cullen's were millionaires, mostly due to Alice, but Kenji was a billionaire many times over from what I understood.

Kenji stayed by my side the whole flight and even when he brought me to my private rooms. A month ago I would have found it annoying. I realized I had found him so annoying because he was acting on the feeling I had been trying to repress. My emotional upheaval over the loss of Jake had left me lost; I was relieved Kenji had been there to find me again. We hadn't even mentioned it to one another even if I had any idea what to say, I didn't want to talk about it with Adam around.

Our little boy was only a week old, and still so tiny. He had technically been born roughly 5 days early, going by how long Bella had been pregnant. He could sit up on his own now and loved to wave his hands in the air. Jasper gave him a ukulele to play with once we arrived and with his tiny fingers Adam tried to make the instrument sing.

I settled in the rooms by walking around them looking over everything. The art was all so very old looking, as was the furniture. Everything was delicate and rich, and so very Asian. My bed room was large, with dressers built into the wall, a sliding door separated my room from a living room with low couches and tables set around an open window with a beautiful view of a meticulously tended garden. The garden slopped slightly and gave way to awe inspiring view of the mountain side.

"Eva… dinner is ready." Mum's voice came from behind me, starling me. Adam, sitting on the middle of my bed while I had looked outside made a cry to have his grandma come to him. Esme plucked him off the bed and spun him around. "According to your father," She smoothed his little shirt over his tummy while she talked to him, "It's all traditional Japanese food for you to try."

I laboriously sighed. "Does that mean I won't like it?"

"We'll see." Mum smiled sadly at me. Kenji had briefly left the room only to come back as we were leaving.

.~.

When Adam fell asleep after eating, Benjamin and Tia volunteered to bring him back to my room. When they had left most of the other vampires came to the dining room giving the impression my evening was starting.

"So tomorrow huh? Big day!" Emmett sat down next to me, well as close as he could without setting my lights off.

"I'm sorry?" I asked the group gathered, settling on Kenji.

"I hadn't gotten around to asking you…" He stated while running his knuckles over his beard.

"If you are ready Eva, tomorrow is when we'd like to begin your change." Dad told me.

Natural human panic bowled me over, Jasper used a little bit of calm on me to which I was thankful.

"That soon after arriving?" I asked Kenji.

"You have held your end of our arrangement…" His golden gaze couldn't hide his own trepidation from me. He didn't want to change me yet.

"Wait…" Alice said, an instant later Toji came to her side and they shared a look with one another.

"I think… maybe we should…" Alice began with the most unsure tone I'd heard her use in a long time. Jasper went to her his interest piqued.

Toji usually added confusing statements to conversations, which only Kenji or Alice could ever translate, but Toji didn't say anything as he casually tossed a package onto the table, and walked off whistling. The package was the center of everyone's attention and for a full ten seconds I couldn't fathom its meaning.

The embarrassment of staring at the pregnancy test had me blushing. I was probably beet red.

"Did you two…?" Was Emmett's lame question.

"I thought that Adam was why you were blurring out… but when Tia and Benjamin took him away…" Alice's confusion broke on her face as she gave me a wide smile.

"Wait-" I said urgently as everyone was looking at Kenji with a sort of "You got caught" smile. "It- It's not possible. Adam is only a week old-"

"Eight days." Rosalie corrected, I ignored her with a small glare and kept talking.

"There is no way my body is healthy enough, or ready to-to…." I trailed off while looking around those gathered.

"We can't change you till we are sure." Dad stated.

My hands went to caress my abdomen. Could I be…? Toji and Alice seemed to think it possible.

"So none of you had any idea that… Kenji and I…?" I asked looking at Jasper.

"We were at Eleazar's house with Jacob's body while you were _supposed_ to be resting." The friendly tone in Siobhan's voice had me blushing again.

"I saw it… but _only_ enough to know I didn't _want_ to see it." Alice admitted. "I didn't think, like you did Eva, that it would or could result in…" she finished by gesturing to me.

"So does that mean you two are a couple now?" Garrett asked, genuinely interested. Kate elbowed him in the side.

I glanced at Kenji out of the corner of my eye, he looked floored by the news, and absolutely giddy at the same time. I decided to ignore Garrett's question to ask one of my own.

"How soon will we know for sure? It was a week before the actual test came back positive last time." I was starting to feel the feelings of distress, worry, and fear creeping in. My feelings towards Kenji had been flipped on their head since just before Adam had been born. I was distressed because if I _was_ pregnant again it would be that much longer till I was changed. But my biggest fear was what happened when I was pregnant with Adam. I had tried to kill him, as my ability saw him as a threat. Ichiro had prevented that, and he was back in Forks to prevent Wei attacking and killing those I cared about there.

"We'll test every day, but until we know for sure, you can't be changed." Kenji stated.

I _really_ wanted to be angry, at him, at the situation and at myself. But I had no room for anger when there were more important things to be feeling. I had basically thrown myself at Kenji, and based on his words as well as actions, he had been waiting for me to return his feelings.

I swallowed loudly and looked to Jasper. Thinking about emotions I was going to have to get mine sorted, and quickly. Having another hybrid wasn't exactly something I wanted. Adam was darling and I would change nothing that brought him in to the world. But _another_ baby? It was overwhelming to think about.

"But how is my body even able to-" I began.

"We assumed Adam would have done too much damage to your uterus to allow another baby." Carlisle interrupted eagerly, seeing where I was going.

"His ability." Eleazar said. Everyone was either silent or gave small sounds of appreciation.

"So my long exposure to my son, healed me enough to fix it so I could get pregnant again?"

He hadn't expressly done it, dad suspected that Adam felt what was wrong and his natural instinct was to fix it.

.~.

The others in Forks were told of my probable predicament. It put Ichiro in a potentially difficult position, he wanted to be here to make sure I didn't use my ability on it, but he had to stay there to thwart Wei if and when he showed up.

We'd been at the castle three days when the medical equipment arrived and was set up to a room across the hall from mine. In order to stay focused I had to compartmentalize my thoughts and emotions. I couldn't allow myself to think of all the people Wei was killing to get to me. It had basically been confirmed by Alice and Toji that I was in fact pregnant again, when the Irish coven had taken Adam on a run around the mountains as a sort of test to see if I was still blurry. The whole group was worried over the timing now.

If Zhan and Wei stuck to their typical plan of attacking once every two months on the full moon, the next attack was going to happen on the 14th of November. I was in my fourth day of a pregnancy that started on the 8th of November. At the earliest anyone would be comfortable removing the baby from me was at the three weeks mark. Weeks from now. It was probably the worst timing possible to get pregnant.

Because I was still underweight from the carrying Adam it was deemed necessary by everyone that I carbo load and gain as much weight as I could before my body rejected food. I slept soundly most nights now, with Adam tucked close to me. Since he had been told he might have a little brother or sister by Kenji he would not let me go, and cried whenever Alice or mum tried to take him from me.

It was the 13th late at night when I woke rather lazily for no particular reason. Kenji was sitting at the desk near the long window, the glow of a computer providing light in the room.

"Was it a troublesome dream?" He asked moving to come sit with me.

I shook my head as I shifted slightly, then gently as I could I brushed some of Adam's black hair off of his forehead. The bed dipped slightly as Kenji sat.

"Are…we going to talk about it?" Kenji asked.

"My dream?"

"No. Well we _can_ discuss that. I was referring to the fact we made love."

Licking my lips I broke my stare at the sleeping babe to look at his father.

My feelings towards Kenji had been, up until Jakes death, conflicted. The emotional wreck I was that day had revealed something I was hesitant to admit. Maybe it _meant_ something that I knew what I felt for Kenji, before he had admitted anything to me. I'd never said I love you to Kevin until he wanted to break it off. Seth just told me out of the blue and I knew then that I loved him back. Coming to my own realization that I cared for Kenji without influence from someone else was almost liberating.

I owed it to him to admit it. Bravely I reached out to take his hand. Holding it I weakly smiled.

"I love you Kenji." I clearly stated. I wasn't embarrassed. On the contrary it actually felt nice to say. It felt right.

He leaned over Adam gently reaching out to cup the back of my neck, our foreheads met over the tiny piece of the two of us.

"I love you Evangeline. I have loved you for nearly our entire relationship."

My face twisted into a sweet smile.

"So what now?" I asked.

He paused closing his eyes a second, only to reopen them and grin at me.

"I pledge my unfailing loyalty and promise to protect you." He answered.

It sounded nice. My heart felt like it was floating and I began to understand what it was Bella must have felt for Edward as a human.

"I'd much rather we start with a kiss." I admitted.

He obliged readily.

.~.

The day of the full moon everyone was on edge, but Alice and Toji still hadn't any indication that we were going to be attacked. Just in case Kenji had called the other covens to the nearby cities to be ready in case an attack did happen. The tension didn't stop my Team from neglecting their duties of monitoring my progress.

The regular blood work and exams were as familiar and annoying as the first time. When I wasn't being examined or eating, or playing with Adam I was napping or listening to Garrett lazily play the guitar. What bothered me more than everyone being tense was the fact none of the Cullen's seemed cheery. The depressed gloom in the castle was obvious, and even though I too was grieving for Jake and the loss it was for the family, I couldn't stand being around it.

That day yielded the positive pregnancy test. I wasn't sure if I was happy or not about it. It was dangerous both because of the timing and my own lack of physical robustness. And no matter how many times we talked about it we still had no solution for the potentiality that my ability would try to kill this baby.

Kenji and I had discussed it again shortly after I woke up, before the pregnancy test. He was prepared to call Ichiro back, but it would leave everyone in Forks far too vulnerable for that call to be made.

Alice was dressing Adam up in some smart looking clothes for yet another round of photos. He shyly ducked his little head when she kept complimenting him. Most everyone else was off with their mates.

"So, are you thinking about names already?" Alice asked smiling at Adam as he picked at the sleeve of his shirt. He didn't look to like the color she had put him in. It was too adorable to see the distaste clearly on his tiny face.

"A little. But honestly… I just want to get through the pregnancy before I worry about what we'll name it."

"What you'll name _her_, it's a girl. I know it." A tiny voice said from my lap. Little blue eyes blinked back at me when my mouth fell open and Alice froze.

She recovered faster than I did.

"Is that your super special ability telling you, big brother intuition, or just your guess?" She poked him jokingly.

"Mostly the last two. I think I'd like to protect her. Shizuka told me how handsome I am, and she'll be my mate when I am older so I don't want a little brother as competition." He was so very articulate; his small voice had the quality of a child but none of the childish lapses or pauses.

Alice seeing me still frozen in shock laughed at me.

"I think your mom wasn't prepared for you to start talking."

Adam turned to look at me again, his expression worried and cowed.

"It's alright Adam, you just… mummy wasn't really… ready for it." I explained reaching to pick him up. His wide smile lit up the room.

"And don't worry about lil sis. I can keep you both healthy. Toji says so." He tucked his head against my shoulder and took a lock of my hair in his hand and played with it.

"Well you know what they say. Never bet against Alice… unless Toji says to." I joked winking at Alice. Adam laughed, my sister's brow arched in challenge while her lips puckered in amusement.

When Kenji found out Adam was talking he swept the tyke out of my arms, which was nice as I had been trying to eat, and began speaking rapid Japanese to him. Adam surprised me further by responding to it. It was the day that everyone's spirits seemed to be lifted.

.~.

Adam and I were sitting in my garden singing his song together as Kenji played the violin in accompaniment. Jasper, mum and dad had come to join us. We were only a few lines from finishing the song when all of the vampires and Adam turned to look back inside the house.

"They're being attacked in Forks." Kenji said at my side now. I knew that it was nighttime in Forks, and the full moon hadn't yet risen here. My stomach dropped I instantly tensed.

"Alice?" I asked, meaning she was seeing something as Jasper had already disappeared.

"Aniki will finish off the bad man; he'll get revenge for cousin Renesmee." Adam told me determinedly. Adam often forgot I didn't understand Japanese and would throw a word in here or there. Aniki, I found out, was what he called Ichiro.

"Toji can see better of what's happening," Kenji helped me stand, I settled Adam on my hip as Kenji led me to the room where Alice was already with all of the other family. Dad and mum followed me in, dad was intensely watchful over me now.

Alice was standing her eyes closed as she looked to the future, from what she could see any way around the wolves and hybrids. Toji was facing a bookshelf head tilted slightly, muttering under his breath.

"Toji, can you tell who that is? Who is coming?" Alice asked, her eyes still closed. I watched them with concern and fascination. Rosalie helped me sit on the sofa and Adam crawled onto my lap after I was comfortable. Someone handed me a protein shake and I absentmindedly sucked on the straw.

Jasper was pacing near Alice analyzing her emotions as she tried to watch Wei attack our friends.

Toji let out a laugh, like a sharp bark, Kenji gave my shoulder a squeeze before going to stand by his friend.

It was a tense four minutes, a clock off in the hallway ticking the seconds away. It was roughly three in the morning back in Washington. Adam buried his head in my shoulder; he didn't seem to like the tension.

Alice and Toji looked at each other suddenly and as if they had called one another's names at the same time.

"Toji I can't see…"

"It looks like it's over. Whomever that was saved Bella's life, that's all I know." Toji jerked one shoulder, spared a look at all of us assembled in the room. "It's over, Edward will be calling soon." Then Toji was gone.

"Is everyone alright?"

"Who did you think you saw?"

"Did someone come to help?"

"_Who_ is left to help?"

The clutch talked over one another and very rapidly after Toji's announcement. Kenji was who I looked to for answers; he was smiling slightly, as he took out his phone.

He didn't let it ring. He put the phone on speaker and slowly made his was back across the room to me.

"Ichiro?" Kenji asked.

_"__We got him, set accidentally himself on fire when he tried going for Bella__."_ I heard Ichiro say. Everyone including Adam cheered.

_"__Is that otouto__?"_ Ichiro asked, having heard the little voice cry out happily.

"We are all here." Kenji answered.

"I'll pass you to Edward."

_"__We have a problem__."_ Edward announced. Mum and dad moved closer to the phone.

"Everyone is alright?" Carlisle asked.

_"__Yes.__"_ Labouredly Edward sighed. _"__Wei had us by surprise. Shizuka had been at the parameter. But he used Zafrina's illusion ability to trick her. Seth was on patrol and recognized the symptoms of being under an illusion and since Brady was with Bella and I at Rachel and Paul's we got the message right away. Wei was heading straight for Charlie and Sue's. He injured Colin, pretty badly, and would have killed them had… had we not been rescued__."_

"Who was it?" Siobhan was demanding now.

"_Maria, and two of her newborns. They are all that survives of the Southern covens. She came looking for us to ask for mutual protection__."_ Edward had barely gotten the name out when Jasper kicked a thick looking table into the wall. Kenji gave him a stern glare and Adam took a gasp of fright.

"_She wants-insists that because she saved two humans we wanted to keep alive, we owe her. She wants to join the family in Japan…"_ Continuing on Edward distinctly did not sound happy.

"Absolutely out of the question." Kenji answered.

"_Kenji-dono-"_ Shizuka's soft voice came through instead of Edward. Her next words were in Japanese and whatever she said she further upset Jasper.

"Fine. Edward, Ichiro will Renesmee, Nahuel, Jenny, or Seth be joining us?" Kenji did not sound happy at whatever Shizuka told him.

"_Just Ichiro and Tanya are returning. Ness is in no condition to travel."_ Edward paused slightly, "_Oh and I forgot to say congratulations to you Eva and Kenji… everyone is really happy and excited for you_."

Kenji then turned the speaker phone off and started rapidly speaking to Edward, some sort of private concern.

"Want me to tell you what they are saying mummy? Auntie Rosalie told me humans cannot hear as well as vampires… or us hybrids." Adam sweetly asked.

"Your father will tell me soon." I told him after giving him a squeeze. My tone was more or less letting Kenji he would be telling me one way or another.

I wasn't imagining the heightened tense atmosphere after Kenji finished talking to Edward.

"It does sound suspicious." Garrett stated.

Kenji quickly explained to me that although it appeared that Wei had been killed by his own fire, since there was no body they couldn't be sure. Ichiro was convinced, but Edward had wanted to convey his concerns to Kenji all the same.

The whole night passed and the full moon with it. Alice had been sitting with Jasper and Toji on the far end of the castle looking to see if we were going to be attacked. I couldn't sleep even being exhausted, but I tried anyway.

.~.

Wei's attack in Forks aside it seemed Zhan was waiting for her mate to return before attacking. Alice had seen Zhan quite clearly while I was asleep, and she was in Pakistan, doing what exactly, she couldn't tell. Kenji still didn't seem relaxed by the news she was most of a continent away.

Adam was tucked next to my legs as I sat eating a large portion of garlic cheese bread. Because he didn't want to leave my side I had to always find a way to balance him, or have him holding on to me and it became rather cumbersome when I wanted to move or shift.

Ichiro and Tanya had arrived that afternoon and after Ichiro had a long full meal he came to spend time with me. Tanya watched me with great interest as I dipped my cheese bread in the sauce.

"You know, I think that I might have liked cheese when I was human," she mused after setting her magazine on her lap. She and Ichiro were sitting across from me in my sitting room, Tanya's feet were up on Ichiro's lap, he was gently massaging them for her.

"I never liked cheese." Ichiro made a disgusted face.

"Was it the smell?" I asked pulling another piece off the whole.

"It was the texture."

"What foods _did_ you like?" Tanya chuckled at his comment.

"Sweet things and really salty things were alright. But it was always a texture issue, Ness, Nahuel and Jenny all said the same thing."

"But Adam seems to like eating human food." My hand gently ran through my son's hair when I mentioned him.

Ichiro laughed it off saying that Adam's ability might be affecting his diet choices.

When I finished eating Tanya took my plate, and helped me stand, while Ichiro picked his brother up and handed him to me. As soon as Adam came in contact with my front I took in a sharp breath.

"Breast tenderness-6." I said aloud, knowing one of the Team was likely to be nearby.

"That didn't happen with Adam till day 19…" My female cousin observed.

Once Rose finished her exam a little later she guessed that my hormone levels were still high due to Adam. I could expect to go through the symptoms much quicker with this baby.

.~.

I was notified that Maria and her two newborns had arrived in Japan, they were not however aloud to come to Tomoya, Kenji had made that clear. He had five of the Japanese covens own watching them, ensuring they didn't cause trouble. Jasper was not dealing well with the fact they had been given permission to come in to the country in the first place. I didn't ask about the details as to why they had been, but clearly there was some logical reason for it. I was mostly glad that they would fight on our side if Zhan attacked us here.

Kenji was convinced Wei had staged his death, claiming Wei was far too smart to go after those in Forks after seeing Ichiro was there.

"I can't lose you." He admitted. I was trying to relax through a bought of bad gas, and my emotions were fluctuating so rapidly I had half a mind to ask Jasper to help. For an example, my immediate reaction to Kenji admitting he needed me was bitterness. We briefly argued, quietly not to wake Adam, about how he only saw me as a baby maker.

"What am I to you Kenji?" I demandingly asked.

"You are the sun to my earth." He responded instantly, his dark gold eyes imploring.

When I said nothing he returned the question to me. Honestly wasn't it enough that I knew I loved him and had said as much? My hand rubbed small circles over my flat belly.

"You won't lose me Kenji." I decided to say instead of answering his question. I was still grumpy and didn't feel like analyzing my feelings towards him further. It didn't look like the answer he'd wanted. I had rolled on my side facing away from him after responding, showing him I was ready to try and sleep.

"For the first time in my life I am truly scared Evangeline. I have waited two thousand years for you, and I cannot lose you now. Not to Zhan, Wei or anything else. Wei is alive… I have known him nearly four hundred years; he is far from stupid or impulsive to die by his own stolen ability."

While I tried to relax with an uncomfortable hybrid baby wrapped around my arm I couldn't help but wonder if being more afraid than I was would help anyone. Kenji was not trying to scare me exactly with his talks of Wei still being alive, but that was what he had done. And as a human, a pregnant weak one at that, I really had to take it a day at a time and worry about what was immediately in front of me. And at this moment, since no attack had happened at the full moon, I wanted to survive carrying this baby.

.~.

I slept an incredible amount. Much more than I had when I had been carrying Adam. Adam took all of his lessons while still being as close to me as he possibly could. I encouraged him to go spend time with his aunts and uncles around the castle. But he was very determined to keep me and his little sister safe. He had started to refer to the baby as "imouto", or little sister in Japanese. Rosalie, and Carlisle began to suspect my body was much less ready for this baby than even Bella had been with Renesmee.

Adam had been coaxed to taking some Geography lessons from Esme while I had my daily exam. I was 13 days into the pregnancy, and thanks to Ichiro I hadn't even felt the slightest head ache from my ability. I had basically been having regular everything up until that morning when constipation seemed to be a big problem. Dad drew some blood to test, and I for some unknown reason I watched him do it. Instantly my breakfast I had just eaten was coming out. Rosalie had the waste basket in front of me as soon as the bile hit my tongue.

"We knew this was going to happen soon," Carlisle tried to comfort me as he gently ran his hand up and down my back, his devotion to helping me feel better made me want to cry.

I wondered how much I should regret making love to Kenji. Amid all of that emotional upheaval and the absolute need to feel…_something_, I had let my guard down, I had let myself just _be_. Being upset about it was just my natural state, as I had needed to be immortal by now. It wasn't the baby's fault, which was a thought that I frequently went to when I needed to find someone to blame.

After I finished unloading my breakfast I sat back on the hospital style bed and started weeping. Rosalie sat next to me and took my hand as I cried because… well because there was an awful goddamn lot to cry for. There was no particular reason for this sobbing, and that upset me more. The hormones were making me act bitter when I had no right, and then sad which I had more claim to be than any normal human ever had.

Without asking, Rose carried me back to my room and straight to the couch that they had turned to look out into my garden. I liked the view much better than the bed, and it afforded me the option to watch Adam during whatever lessons he was having.

.~.

Alice brought Adam back after I'd finished crying and his innocent face looked troubled.

"Mummy…" He cutely called. He was sitting on the floor with the books Carlisle had left him about human anatomy, while I blankly stared at the muted screen showing more efforts to fix Americas west coast. Ichiro was lounging on the floor next to his little brother reading a Russian gun magazine; Kenji was in the bedroom area typing away on his computer.

"Yes?" I asked, thankful for some distraction from the uncomfortable silence.

"I overheard Ji-chan talking to uncle Jasper about you being severely underweight… and now…" his brilliant blue eyes turned sad and I could see the water works building. I shifted as if to reach out to him, hoping to quell the angel tears before they started.

But Adam simply pushed his legs underneath himself and easily walked the few feet to where I sat.

I was astonished. My face showed it, and Adam's emotions switched 180 seeing my expression. The tears were gone and he blushed looking timidly as me. His plump lower lip was between his teeth. Ichiro had seen it as well and gave a big shout, which made me jump.

Kenji was at the doorway instantly.

"You just missed his first steps father," Ichiro chuckled throwing his magazine down.

"I wanted mummy to be the first to see it…" guiltily Adam admitted as he jumped up to my side I wrapped and arm around him and pulled him to my lap. He felt a little heavier and maybe my human eyes hadn't really paid attention, but he did seem much bigger, sturdier too.

Kenji muttered something under his breath and came to sit next to us.

"Dad just swore," Adam told me in a small whisper, which Kenji had to have heard.

"He is an adult Adam, adults can swear when the situation calls for it." I told him then I let out a long involuntary sigh.

"They won't tell you how worried they are. Ji-chan-"

"Who?" I asked at the Japanese words usage again.

"Grandpop Carlisle." He ducked his head a little when he answered, remembering that I didn't know certain Japanese words. It probably baffled him that I was full grown and I couldn't pick up things as quickly as he did. He wasn't even a month old and he was very nearly bilingual.

In a much more worried voice Adam began again while I gently ran my hand through his soft black hair.

"You should know. They are all worried about you and about imouto… I was looking up healthy body weight. And you are twenty pounds under what someone your height should be."

Ren had acted nearly traumatized seeing how skinny I got with Adam, and now Adam as young as he was, was seeing the devastation having a hybrid baby had on a human female.

I gave a glance to Kenji and Ichiro, both looked a little tense. The latter had his eyebrows pulled together with concern.

"It will be alright Adam." I told him.

The handsome face of my son turned up so he could look me in the face.

His eyes spoke volumes of the worry he was feeling, "I love you mummy." He told me.

The words went deep and when I pulled him into a hug I repeated words my own mum had said every night when she'd tuck me in.

"You are my little love."

* * *

><p>V<p>

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	33. Vitality

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

**AN:** Well it has been long enough since my last update for many, including myself to think this fic would never get finished. But I promised myself I would never completely abandon it. Whenever I would try to write more, it felt false, and the characters were stiff, so I basically lost my mojo for a while. However recently I felt the urge to revisit Eva, as she truly is a great character, and person, and I thought she deserved an end.

For those that are, and have been loyal fans to read and review this story know that I might not have even bothered to come back to Eva's story after my own tragedy if it weren't for you. I am glad I will be able to complete this story.

Without further ado, the very long time in coming chapter 33!

.~.

.~.

**Panthalassa : High Tide**

**Chapter 33 - Vitality**

.~.

Morning of the 16th day of gestating hybrid #2 was the last day I was able to eat human food and keep it down. The 17th day was two days before Thanksgiving. It was going to be the last Thanksgiving I would have as a human.

When we had moved to America and I had to get used to celebrating the holidays in school I found I liked Thanksgiving the most. It was the food that Auntie Tiff would have catered for us that had me excited this time of year. I loved yams, and mashed potatoes, and the pies. In essence the whole concept of a feast with close loved ones was the perfect holiday to me. Giving thanks was just the silly part of it, I used to think. In the foster care system it was the _one_ holiday I could still enjoy in some way. It had been one of the few holidays spent with more than just my mum and myself, so the memories were much more pleasant to remember.

I wouldn't even be able to enjoy a raw egg let alone a piece of turkey. And even thinking about the food I was missing out on was actually making me feel nauseated. Besides the Japanese didn't celebrate it, if I hadn't gotten pregnant again I would be a newborn vampire by now, likely the last thought on my mind would be about missing the great feast of thanksgiving food.

They set me up in my room for my first cup of blood for this baby. Dad was monitoring my blood pressure and Adam was holding my free hand as I sucked on the straw.

The audible noise of pleasure drew from me before I could contain it. The lasting salty taste on my tongue was like smooth velvet.

"You like it?" Dad was a little surprised. My only response was to take another long pull from the cup. The line between what I knew blood should taste like and what it was doing to my taste buds was borderline mind boggling. It felt like syrup of equal parts salty with the curiously alluring taste of iron.

Being as weak as I was, and barely at the 100lb mark the blood instantly made a difference. I was seeing clearer, even like I could actually stand up on my own. The team was cautiously optimistic over my new appreciation of the blood.

"It really does seem as though Adam's food preferences were developed in utero." Rosalie commented happily tapping him on his little nose.

"You feel better now?" He asked me, blue eyes excited.

"Much better." I nodded and ran my hand over the bump. This baby was already bigger than Adam had been at this stage.

"Do you think… maybe you could sing?" The genuine plea in his voice had me sweetly smiling at him.

"Maaaybe…" I played with him, as I started to move to sit up more. Kenji held his hands out to help me on to my feet, and Adam agilely leapt off my lap, spinning around to look up at me.

"Please!" His tiny body shook with his excitement.

I nodded and all of us proceeded to the garden. Jasper and Alice came in not much after I had been settled on a smooth stone bench, Kenji stood behind me to give my back support, Adam sat on dad's lap as they took a spot on the ground a few feet from me.

Jasper began to play, and I sang.

Halfway through our song I realized how much I was missing Edward. And it wasn't just him I missed. I wished Ren was here, with Jake. I stopped singing when the emotions cut my air off. Adam asked what the matter was, looking almost ready to jump to my aid from his grandfathers lap.

"I was just… I really _miss_ them." I looked to Alice, who I knew was also really missing those back in Forks.

Ichiro was about to say something but my sharp gasp cut him off. The baby was much less active than Adam had been, or even my human baby. But it was moving now.

"Ooow…" I groaned out, my hands rubbing the bulge under my shirt. Jasper set his guitar down and put his hand on mine.

The baby settled down after a moment. And after some long deep breathing Jasper and I picked up again. Adam put his head on Carlisle's knee and both looked like the picture of love. Dad still looked at Ren the way he looked at Adam. They were miracles to him, and always would be.

.~.

I had one more cup of blood that night and for the first time in about a week I fell gently to sleep rather than abruptly. Adam still loved to cuddle close to me, but my uterus was far to expanded for him to be tucked by my belly. I woke four times a night usually to go to the bathroom, Kenji readily carrying me each time. This night I woke no less than 6. I was groggily peeing while on the toilet, not really paying attention to much more than emptying the tiny bladder when I felt it again.

My grunt of pain concerned Kenji. And I just felt the need to get back into bed.

"I just need to lie down," I told him as I finished. Once I crawled back in the bed Adam still sound asleep rolled back closer to me.

"I don't think I have ever seen a more adoring son," Kenji whispered while kissing my forehead. I sleepily gave him a grimace like smile. I was still in pain; the baby was suddenly active like when I had been singing. Kenji put his hand over my belly, I dealt with the chill it caused me and hoped it would cause the little hybrid to settle down like it had when Jasper had done it.

Throughout the next day at random times the fetus would shift. It was very painful and the spreading bruises on my skin were clearly showing it to everyone.

Mum started crying when she joined the exam that day. Alice too looked as close to ill as I had seen a vampire come in a while. My head flopped lifelessly to the pillow. My energy at not sounding out every time it hurt was draining me.

"We could have Adam heal you," Dad offered up his opinion.

"Not with the likely hood of her having those headaches." Kenji answered; he too looked puzzled and as bewildered as any man did when confronted with a difficult pregnancy.

"We need Nessie here," with an imploring tone Esme added.

"I just can't get comfortable," mumbling I tried to shift. My back was hurting horribly, due to the pressure put on it by my growing belly.

"Perhaps we should ask Edward to come back when he calls in a little bit. Wei is gone; it would be safer for them to come here anyway." The mother in Esme really was coming out. Seeing me in pain, having her children so far away, she wanted to solve every worry with one action. And it was likely to work.

"Even if Ness could get a message to the baby, would it understand?" Rose asked the group. I started shivering soon after that. My sister put a nice blanket over me seeing the first shiver go through me.

"Trying would be better than not." Dad admitted sadly.

"If I step away long enough for Ness to even get a message to the baby it could be enough time for Eva's ability to do something." Ichiro stated.

"Perhaps Adam could be holding Eva's hand when you do step away," Kenji addressed his eldest son. "His healing along with Jaspers calming might help to keep the burning of the lights away long enough for a message about staying still."

Ichiro looked doubtful, as did everyone but mum.

I didn't want to voice my own opinion of this thin plan aloud. But it was a _very_ bad idea. Even if I didn't do something to the baby, I was worried about my ability. Since the attack from Wei in Calgary I had the **one** nose bleed. But there was an instinctual warning running through me when I thought about the lights flashing. The feeling was similar to how you would feel after a nightmare. It was an indescribable notion that something was _wrong_.

Dad made the call.

Edward resisted only because Ren seemed to be not exactly better, but less like a ghost. Bella was the deciding factor. Kenji told me Bella's exact words; "Nessie can prevent Eva from going through more pain, and in her right frame of mind she would want to help. We're going Edward." Was what my sister had said.

They would be arriving on the 27th, as it was already getting late, and Thanksgiving was tomorrow for them. Charlie and Sue had been looking forward to it. Even being in pain as I was it was hard for me to deny Bella's old man at spending time with his family.

I had my cup of blood twice on Thanksgiving, and in an attempt to cheer me up while I was having my evening cup Ichiro put on an old classic cartoon. Charlie Browns Thanksgiving. It was rather lame, but everyone including the elusive Irish coven came to my rooms to watch it. Tia and Benjamin were teaching Arabic to Adam using the cartoon to give him more words. They would each speak the cartoon in their tongue, and Adam's superior brain would translate it himself. It was rather genius and I almost found myself giddy with the fact I could do that too once I was a vampire.

The final scene was going when I was suddenly run into the ground by pain.

I don't remember screaming, or vomiting. I remember hearing something snap with the finality like ice on a lake cracking to reveal a crater.

The clutch was frantic. Kate had to hold back Siobhan from going for me, as my nose had started bleeding. Rosalie even put Tia through the wall leading outside. But that was all told to me later.

.~.

I woke up with an oxygen mask over my nose and mouth, a bright light above me, and my dad and Rosalie looked about ready to start a surgery. There was a lot of yelling, frantic crying and the wailing of Adam to great me.

"**If** **Ichiro steps away she could inadvertently kill the baby!**" Kenji yelled.

"She might just die if we do not allow him to heal her. I could try to repair her bladder but its location is problematic. If the baby kicks like that again it could be more of the vital organs Evangeline needs to stay alive." Rose stated icily. Adam was wailing in Ichiro's arms his blue eyes frantic.

"Eva, do you understand what is happening?" Kenji asked taking my hand in his.

"I-think so. Baby damaged bladder, can't fix it… Adam might be able to. He can't cause of Ichiro and my lights." I surmised in a hoarse whisper. "I want to sleep," I added weakly, because I really did.

"Try to stay awake a little longer," Dad encouraged.

"Toji?" Kenji asked while still looking at me, his face was tight with miserable worry.

"The best path is letting Adam try." I heard a foggy sad whisper come from the area by my feet.

"Alright Adam," Kenji softly spoke. At Toji's words Adam stopped crying. Rosalie moved to sit next to me and took Adam in her arms. With mighty effort I moved my arm to hold Adams little hand.

Jasper blurred in and was sadly grimacing at me at the head of the bed.

"It will be… dangerous." I heard Toji add.

"I'll die if we don't do this?" I asked to be clear I really understood the problem.

Rose just nodded. Mum started to bawl and Dad took her in his arms.

"Fight those lights mummy," Adam encouraged me.

"I can fight them… I have before." I gave my son a weak smile his hand squeezed mine tighter.

"Alright Ichiro on the count of five," Kenji braced himself, taking hold of my other hand.

He slowly counted down and I tried to ready myself for the brilliant pain of my own ability.

At zero, the inferno behind my eyes had me convulsing. The solution in my mind was simple, turn the lights _off_ and all of it would end. I was horribly aghast at my own pain that I was starting to plot to turn it off. No one would blame me, the baby would die… I knew, but I would be able to be changed.

Through the pain I forced my eyes open for something else to look at. I focused on Kenji first.

I was grunting and screaming in the burning. The tale tail sign of a nose bleed, the sticky heavy feeling coming out of my nose was frightening.

My head thrashed and I ended up locking eyes with Adam as a new sensation filled me. Someone had dropped a cool water balloon on my head, and then I was falling.

.~.~.~.

.~.

"Eva…? Eva!?" Rosalie reacted immediately after Eva's body suddenly stopped convulsing. The air was tense with the sudden stillness of her frail human form. Jasper had stopped breathing and allowed Carlisle to push him out of the way.

Anxiously Carlisle tilted Evangeline's head back and checked her pupils. Everyone in the room could see how they were fixed. The soft thrumming of her heart gave them all the smallest shred of hope.

"What's happening? Is mummy alright?" Adam asked, his voice so small.

"It's hard to say." Rosalie told him, kindly. She didn't want to overly scare the child, even if everyone in the room was completely devastated as to what had just happened. The other vampires were already closer, interested in the development.

"What's wrong with her breathing?" Esme asked, having not been the only one to notice.

"It looks like she is in a coma," Kenji spoke, his words heavy in his own throat.

Further in the castle, Ichiro could be heard calling someone, and ordering a mobile 3d Neuro imager. The cost alone for the machine was a good indicator of how serious the situation was.

Through the tense few seconds it took for them to process her absolutely stillness, Jasper managed to get himself under control. He took out his phone and called his brother.

"Edward," Jasper said tightly. He began by telling Edward what they had tried to do once they realized Evangeline's bladder had been damaged. While the family members in Forks had been about to sit down to enjoy Charlie and Sue's company while the humans ate thanksgiving dinner, Evangeline had fallen into a coma. Immediately they left for the airport. So in sync were the vampires in their concern for Evangeline's well being in whatever mystery had happened once Ichiro stepped away from her, before Edward and Jasper had finished talking about Evageline's status a private jet had been ordered those if Forks. Ichiro hung up with the company providing the jet the same time Jasper hung up with Edward.

"It isn't a typical coma. Obviously this was caused by her ability." Carlisle told the vampires listening, while he looked his grandson in his troubled eyes.

"She fought the lights?" Shifting slightly, Adam asked.

Toji, sped back in to the room and firmly put his hand on the infant boys back, preventing him from moving more. "You need to keep holding her."

"Toji?" Kenji asked.

The visions the future seer had were never solid, like Alice's, but rather he could see when a path would lead somewhere horrible. And in the seven hundred years Kenji had known Toji, he never once had seen him look this concerned.

"Adam stops touching her, she dies. I _see_ that. When I told you this was the best course, it truly was. Evangeline would have died if Ichiro stayed near and prevented Adam from healing her. Right now his ability is all that is keeping both Evangeline and the fetus alive."

Somewhere in the house Emmett let out a low whistle.

Adam hearing this instantly went back to holding on to his mother's whole arm. When Carlisle looked to Kenji, to see his reaction the vampire looked equal parts tormented and lost.

"No pressure…" Adam gave a nervous laugh that ended up becoming small sobs, which his grandmother took the chance to comfort him when Toji moved away. Lightning fast Kenji grabbed Toji by the arm as the old looking vampire made to leave the room.

"Find the solution that ensures that they _both_ live Toji." The usually calm and collected vampire hissed at his coven mate.

Rosalie and Carlisle busied themselves, blurring about the hospital room at the speed typical of a vampire. They set her up with an IV, catheter, and a myriad or monitors to help them understand and see any changes that might happen to her. Kenji tenderly took a wet cloth to wipe of the drying blood from around her nose and mouth. All the while they worked they threw around ideas as to what could have happened to her.

The popular theory, very early in the discussion was that Evangeline had held off her own ability for too long, and cause a massive hemorrhage in her brain. How she had survived something that severe was clear to everyone because of Toji's actions. Adam had somehow prevented Evangeline's brain from completely shutting down, his healing was her lifeline.

Adam fed and slept next to Eva, asking his aunt to tie his hand to hers so that he not accidentally let go while sleeping. The medical room was full of her family, Alice being the only exception.

Alice had left the castle after a fight with Jasper concerning Evangeline's fate. It was horrific to listen to, and heartbreaking because no one was sure what had brought it on. Typically in situations like this Edward would go after her, when Jasper thought it best to let her be. However in his absence Rosalie took it upon herself to try and figure out why she had left.

The mountains in Japan smelled old to her, the musty wood, the rough soil was even different. Even when she and Emmett had gone around the world, visiting China and Korea the wild lands didn't smell this clear, wholesome and even mysterious. Alice's playful scent was easy to find, and following it Rose ended up at the top of the mountain overlooking the castle. Her sisters tiny body was snuggly against a small tree, the wind blowing through her short locks reminded Rosalie of the happiness Alice had when Kenji had helped it grow.

"You should be with her," Alice muttered.

"So should you." Rose's quickly responded.

Alice refused to look at her.

"I've done enough." Her bitterness was obvious in her tone. But Rosalie had no idea what Alice could be bitter about.

"Is this about Jasper?" Alice shook her head.

"Alice… I'm not good at guessing-"

"I did this. _All_ of this. I killed her. Time and time again. _We_ lied to her, tricked her, used her. And it was all me, all _because_ of me. I am horrible I can't stand to even look at myself," during the short pause where Alice took a breath in Rose took a seat next to her. Trying to understand where this was coming from.

"I regret it, all of it. Evangeline should be out there living a happy life, singing making music, not wrapped up in this. It's sick, so sick I wish I could… "

"Alice we've been through this before. It isn't your fault. She needed us remember? She needed a family. We are all just trying to do the best we can, Eva too."

Alice hadn't even been able to articulate her discovery to her own mate, that's how horrified she had been. Shortly after Evangeline fell into her coma Alice had had a vision.

It was of a future somber and sad, yet clear. What she saw of the future was clear, what she saw was Zhan being killed by Ichiro. The vision was quick, but it was so powerful that Alice hadn't been ready for it. It shifted her entire paradigm of this war. The reality of it was, perhaps they hadn't needed Eva after all. Perhaps they had needed what she could _bring_ to them. Like dominoes set up perfectly ready to fall Alice saw what the true meaning behind her black visions had been.

Without Eva, and without her having been taken by Philippe in Scotland and rescued, Kenji and Ichiro would never have met the Cullen's. The Cullen's would have been destroyed, and the Japanese coven would have eventually defeated Zhan and Wei. Ichiro's ability proved that. It just turned out that all they needed Evangeline for was so that Tanya could meet Ichiro, and that would be enough for the Japanese coven to give aid in protection of their family.

Alice tried to express this to Rosalie. The dawning of what they had done.

"We brought her into our family and our lives so she could save _our_ lives. And it turns out it was only so that she could suffer and bring others to us that would help. Her life… it means nothing to the battle now. But I can't, I can't just let her die."

"Alice," Rosalie sighed, "Why are you beating yourself up over it?"

"WHY?! Because Rose, she is… Evangeline is so close to dying right now because of me."

"You're upset because you care about her."

"I love her!" Alice cried, hunching over and breaking down into her hands. The reality of it was Alice overwhelmed with the idea that all of her sisters suffering, all of her human life, would end without her finding the happiness she deserved. It was unfair. And there wasn't a thing she could do. She had tried looking for a vision of Eva in the future, but she was completely blurred out by the two hybrid children of hers.

"I love her too Alice. We all love her. I don't know why you felt the need to run away, but Eva would never want you to hate yourself for what's happened. I don't think she would regret it… being with us."

Angrily Alice huffed, "That isn't the point Rose, and you know it. _We'll_ live now, but she might not. How could I ever look Kenji or Adam in the eyes knowing what I'd done?"

Rosalie realized this was why Edward always came to calm Alice down, when Jasper couldn't. Her sister's circle like thinking was her own worst enemy. The only solution was to snap her out of it.

"Think of it this way, Adam wouldn't be alive if it weren't for you. You inadvertently brought his parents together. Do you think Kenji would regret that? Or Eva? And don't act like she's already dead, she's down there fighting, just like she always has. So stop going over your past actions and regretting them because Evangeline is the strongest human _I_ have ever met." It was impossible for Rose to even think of the other possibility, of Eva dying, of the baby dying. It wasn't so much her unfailing confidence in her sister, it was that the alternative was doing what Alice was, and second guessing everything they'd done with regards to her.

.~.

Eva's status didn't change in the 12 hours it took Edward, Bella and a near catatonic Renessmee to arrive. Seth had come with but was ordered by Alice to stay in the city.

Watching the family members reunite with each other was to be reminded of the power of family. They held one another, Rosalie clung to her niece, Bella held on to Esme, Edward and Carlisle all were embracing each other as if arms were a new invention. Solemnly with Emmett leading the group they made the trek from the front gates of the castle to Evangeline's hospital room. Kenji was sitting next to her, holding her hand, Adam asleep on her right side. Renessmee, who had been deep in the shadow of grief, upon seeing such a somber depressing sight went to Kenji's and knelt next to her friend's side.

"The problem we are facing now is the baby is still moving, and we worry the damage it might do might detract away from Adam healing Eva's brain." Carlisle continued their conversation from the journey to the room.

Her voice was dry and coarse from not having used it, except to scream in her sleep when she spoke it was with great effort. "I should... at least try to send something to the baby."

Edward shared a look with his wife and glanced at the other family members who positioned themselves around her bed in a practiced manner. It seemed each one of the Cullen's knew exactly where their place was around her bed, as if they were actors practicing a scene.

"Can you hear anything Edward?" Esme asked hopefully. The meaning was clear, everyone was desperate to know if the baby was developed enough to have solid thoughts for Edward to pick up.

He barely shook his head, but he didn't need to move it much for everyone to realize it had been a far reach. The pregnancy was only 20 days out. When Eva had been pregnant with Adam it had been on day 27 they could hear him.

"Before you do this Ness you need to be sure only to send the images… and feelings that will help the baby." Edward informed his daughter. Jasper gave Eva's still form a long sad look before looking to his niece.

"Perhaps you should rest first," He suggested to her, having sensed all the turmoil stirring in the hybrid.

"She needs me now…" Renessmee quietly whispered, reaching a shaking hand to gently move some hair behind Eva's ear.

"The simplest message the better," Kenji confirmed and gave an encouraging squeeze to the widowed young woman.

It was thought best to have Jasper feed Renessmee a calm and relaxed sensation so she in turn could channel that to the baby, and show it images of where it was and that moving was hurting it's mother. Renessmee was certain the baby would understand the message.

Once Renessmee was finished, it seemed very anti climactic. The machines indicating Eva's heart rate were on mute, but all could hear Eva's heart weakly thrumming along. As Carlisle was about to suggest showing Renessmee to her room Jasper noticed something coming from Eva.

"It worked," Edward and Jasper said at the same time.

"How do you know?" Kenji asked interestedly, giving Renessmee another grateful look.

"The baby is… worried." Jasper said slowly, a half smile wedging itself on to his face.

"It's progress…" Rose breathed out.

The end of November was approaching and there was much stress in the Castle of Toyoma. Evangeline's status hadn't improved, the pregnancy was 24 days in and Edward could still not hear the baby.

Most of the human eating vampires that came with the Cullen's were having a difficult job abiding by the strict age limit diet the Japanese held them to. Liam had begged to be allowed to swim to Korea to get a decent meal, but his own mate had not allowed it. Add to it the fact that the newborns Maria had brought were causing the Japanese vampires baby-sitting them endless trouble, it lead Jasper and Kenji to many heated arguments.

Due to Eva's still human status Shizuka was still not allowed to join the group at the castle. Ichiro had gone with Tanya to Toyoma city to baby sit her with Seth. In addition every single vampire was on high alert for any possible action by Zhan.

The Volturi were furious about the Cullens' refusal to adhere to their orders and were constantly trying to get in contact with Carlisle or Kenji. But without Jane or Alec to enforce their rule, there was virtually nothing they could do, except raise tension in the Cullen's.

Kenji had hunted on some rabbits Toji had ordered from a lab, and was not from Eva's side for longer than an hour. Adam hadn't left his mother's side in the five days since she fell in to the coma. He was being brave but you could tell part of him wanted to move around a bit. Renessmee would spend some time sitting opposite Kenji at Eva's bedside and try to entertain Adam with memories of his mother. It gave Renessmee something else to do besides going over the last moments she had with her husband.

Off in the castle Toji had been trying every possible path to see what could be done for Evangeline and the baby. Alice would work with him as much as her ability could with the blurry spots of the hybrids around her. And based on the amount of effort Toji was putting it didn't seem like there was any clear way of knowing if Eva or the baby would survive.

"We need to discuss what I have been seeing." Toji announced from a room far off in the castle. Toji had timed his announcement for when Adam had just fallen asleep.

Most of the Cullen's were near Eva's hospital room, with the exception of Alice and Jasper, who were with Toji, the Irish coven, the Denali's, and Benjamin and Tia.

Edward cast his eyes downward and clenched his fights slowly, the burden of knowing what was about to be said, what Kenji had suspected all along was about to become a living nightmare for his entire family. He wasn't sure how Jasper was going to handle the despair soon to envelope them.

"I know you have thought about the experiments you and Kaneyasu had done to mentally challenged people… and people deprived of oxygen," Toji began, directing the comment to Kenji. Carlisle reacted firstly as a religious and moral man, and shot the Japanese coven leader a horrified look. Most of the family imitated Carlisle in their disgust at the idea of human experimentation. "The paths I see allow for the baby to live-"

"But what about Eva?" Esme instantly interrupted looking from Kenji to Carlisle.

Across the castle you could hear Toji take in a deep breath, and as the words came out of his mouth Kenji bowed his head in defeat over his mate. "Nothing good."

"Can you elaborate?" Emmett intensely asked looking to Kenji then Edward.

"Can I see her as a vampire… yes-"

Sighs of relief interrupted the clairvoyant vampire. "But due to the research that Kenji and Kaneyasu have done… and having seen for myself what becomes of a human who has been deprived of oxygen long enough to be called brain dead… I can see the difference in Eva from a newborn."

At this Kenji made a tortured moan and stood abruptly striding away from Eva's bed and to the window. His body was shaking with sorrow. And Edward could barely contain his own sobs. But knowing Toji would have little tact in how he delivered the news to the family Edward took it upon himself.

"When Kaneyasu changed humans that had been deprived of oxygen… most of them in near vegetative states…" Bella came to her husband's side seeing the pain radiating out of his body. "When they awoke as a vampire… they were _pure_ monsters. We know as doctors that the last part of the brain to shut down is near the brain stem- the core functions. Venom can fix most any injury, but what has been lost the venom cannot repair. When the brain tissue dies from lack of oxygen, it is much like a hand being severed, venom cannot fix that. So upon waking in this world all higher functioning ability that would have died-" At this point Edwards own words were choking him. The look on Carlisle's face was enough to render Edward a sobbing mess.

"She will be feral for all eternity. There will be no "newborn" state for her. She will never be able to reason, use speech… in every important way… Evangeline is… dead." Kenji whispered to the dark sky, the glass reflecting back to the room his own devastation.

No one wanted to believe it. The sobbing and questions lasted till Adam woke up. It was decided that until they heard the baby they wouldn't tell Adam of what was to become of Eva. It had been stiffly agreed upon to at least try to change Eva, Jasper had been most desperate on this front claiming that he could feel something from her. It would be a huge risk to everyone changing Eva into a vampire due to her uncontrollable nature; however all of those that had come to know her and love her were willing to risk it.

.~.

.~.

AN: Please review and let me know how upset you were I never updated before, or alternatively how excited you are to have new chapters!

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	34. Monster

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

AN: There is a vampire changing scene in this fic, and I personally am tired of reading them in fanfiction, but I had to write it. So when you start to read it, if you are like me and are bored with the burning/torment/painful changing scenes just skip to the triple ".~." break.

.~.

.~.

**Panthalassa : High Tide**

**Chapter 34 - Monster**

.~.

Adam was enjoying some time with his uncles as Edward, Jasper, Emmett and Garrett had set up an impromptu musical performance that had been set up once Adam mentioned missing hearing Evangeline sing. Jasper sang the lyrics to one of Eva's own songs while each man played an instrument to accompany him. Kenji had resumed his position next to Eva and was focused watching her chest rise and fall with the lifeline their son was providing.

None of the Cullen's were more than a room away at any given time, most hadn't fed in a week and were just on the cusp of the thirst becoming too much. Not one would leave Eva's side until there was a solid conclusion to this impossible situation.

Half way through the second song Edward stopped playing to blur to Eva's side and placed his hands on the growing bump. Kenji stared Edward down, asking him silently for the news.

"I heard… something." Edward admitted aloud looking to the tense father of the babe they were all waiting on.

Jasper took a similar position next to Edward concentrating on the fetus. Edward nodded once and his face relaxed the tiniest bit. Before he said anything aloud to the growing audience Edward took a long look at the face of the young woman he had called sister for the last four years. He briefly reflected the changes he'd seen in her, the happiness her sarcastic inner monologue had given him, the friendship she had given freely to his own daughter and how she had completed the family.

"I think we are ready to operate." He announced.

Not a group to waste time, everyone was blurring into the positions they had agreed upon that morning. Adam was eager to meet his new brother or sister, and more than that to have his mom back in one capacity. He was aware of how different she would be as a newborn vampire, his uncle Emmett and Jasper had informed him of what kind of behavior was likely of a newborn shortly after Evangeline went in to the coma. No one was sure if and when they would tell him what was really likely to happen once she had changed. If Toji's visions were accurately interpreted, they were going to need to put her down.

As soon as the baby was free from Evangeline, Tanya, along with Benjamin and Tia would take the two hybrid babies to the city. Renessmee was already with Seth, Ichiro and Shizuka awaiting any and all news. Edward, Rosalie, Bella and Kenji would administer the venom simultaneously 30 seconds before Carlisle would deliver the baby. Kenji wanted to be sure the venom had a chance to get to her vital organs before removing both Adam and the baby.

The silence before the procedure started was near eerie. The calm before the storm, the air felt full of a buzzing energy that was full of worry, excitement, and hope. Carlisle looked to each of his family, he kissed Esme on the head before she, Alice, Emmett, and Jasper stepped out of the room to join the other vampires.

Kenji looked to Edward then to the rest of the family before his gaze settled on his son.

"Give your mummy a kiss Adam, you'll see her soon enough." He instructed with a small smile. Adam obeyed his father and whispered an "I love you" into her ear before pulling back to look at his aunts and uncles.

As if they were one mind Edward, Bella, Rosalie all punctured Eva's skin with their syringes. Each had 6 spots Kenji had instructed them to hit, while he himself bit Eva on the neck, as close to the back of the skull as he could manage.

Eva's body convulsed once, a small movement to a human, but to vampires it was a large change. Adam held on to her until Edward informed Bella to bring him out to the others. Which was the same time Carlisle started his task.

Carlisle waited exactly 31 seconds from the time Kenji pulled away from Eva's neck to make the incision on her abdomen. Expertly Carlisle retrieved his newest grandchild from Eva's womb. Kenji, couldn't pull his eyes away from the face of his mate, not even long enough to look at his youngest child. All the while the machines hooked up to her were going wild.

"Kenji, you have a daughter," Edward smooth voice could not hide the joy he felt. The spell was broken as Rosalie and Carlisle finished sewing and cleaning Eva up while Edward wrapped the little bundle in a soft blanket, Kenji turned his attention away from his love. The tiny eyes that met his nearly broke his heart to pieces. They were in fact a duplicate of her mothers.

Silently Edward passed the baby girl to her father and went to his next task of unhooking Eva from all of the machines.

Kenji leaned down and ran his nose along the tiny head kissing his little girl on the tip of her petite nose.

"You will understand everything that is happening soon. But know you are loved and know you will always be protected. Your mother and I love you very much." Locking eyes with his daughter he turned the two of them to face the bed to see Evangeline's form on the bed.

"Your cousin Tanya is going to bring you to your brothers and they will take care of you until you can come back to meet your mother properly." At that Kenji could barely contain the pain, knowing that some of the first words to his daughter were likely to be lies. Tanya quickly came into the room, gently took the baby girl from Kenji's arms and blurred away.

The vampires could hear Adam introducing himself to his sister as Tanya sped off to the city.

All attention turned to Evangeline. Alice hesitantly took a few steps into the room, careful not to breathe much yet, all the fresh blood would still send her into a frenzy.

"Is it working?" Rosalie asked wringing her hands as she looked to anyone who might have an answer.

"Well I-" Alice began with the small lung full of air she had on reserve. She was interrupted by Eva's body jerking wildly again.

.~.

There was a sinking cool feeling being blasted away by a tight flaming hot pain. I couldn't understand it at first, because it felt so far away, but still so powerful. No other realization for what it could be was processed. Just _pain_, and the burning bright pain was building. I didn't even know I had a body at that point, it was when I felt it spread that I suddenly realized that I was a person, a person experiencing real pain.

I was lost, trying to avoid it; it was frightening because I didn't know where my body was except for where the fire seemed to be spreading. My head, I now realized, seem to be the place it originated from.

Once I found I had a throat and vocal chords I _screamed_, and begged to be killed. I wasn't sure if I was using real words, or just the guttural noises of a being so utterly tortured. The sizzling melting feeling spread everywhere, my brain wanted to escape, I wanted nothing more than get away. There were voices, the pain wouldn't let me understand what they were saying, and I thought that they were responsible for the inferno I was going through. So I begged louder and more insistently to kill me.

When I found I had eyes I of course knew what I could do with them and opened them to see something above me. It was a light surrounded by a dark hazy blaze. My eyes felt like a pool of molten gel, and being unable to process the images I saw, the blurry shapes, I closed my eyes. Dark burning wasn't better than when my eyes were open but it didn't confuse me.

It kept going, and I felt my voice break on occasion, only for the burning in my body to come back and allow me to scream again.

It felt like years were going by, and no one was helping end this pain so the helplessness of my situation had a rapid sob rip out of me.

The pain was everywhere but my head seemed to be feeling it differently, so I opened my eyes and saw figures again. Shapes of creature's dark and blurry, one came close and I begged for it to kill me.

As there was no end to the pain when I began to become aware of being able to think while it was happening, it puzzled me. How could anyone form a thought when suffering so greatly? That question was quickly followed by; What is happening to me? Where am I?

An eternity of suffering dragged on and my pleas were still ignored. And as I tried to understand those around me, as I knew there were other creatures making odd noises I noticed that the brightness of light was starting to not matter if my eyes were closed or open. I hated the lights and found that when I pushed them away they would fade slightly, but by doing that the pain came back into my head again.

.~.

I opened my eyes again hoping to gain more understanding of why I was being tortured so. Not really comprehending the shapes in front of me I suddenly realized they were people. I strained myself and yelled at them to end this; I told them I would forgive them.

"Evangeline please… it will be over soon." A soft voice tried to placate me. The name suddenly filled the vast empty space in my mind. It echoed there and danced with the painful vastness that was there.

I stared down the owner of the voice, the male voice. He had bronze colored hair, and a pale face, eyes dark like coal.

I ordered him to kill me.

"Evangeline do you remember me? Can you remember my name?" he asked. So they were burning me to find out if I knew them?

"It will help you to focus on something other than the pain… so try to think on my question." He stated, then asked his questions again. I thrashed where I was trying to find another outlet for the pain and I heard a large crashing, the pain however stayed the same.

My mind, with nothing but pain to process latched on to the man's question, and in the emptiness it searched for his answer. I saw a young man climbing down a tree; he had the same hair at my torturer. The name came to me, but aside from screaming to be killed I couldn't speak it.

"Good. You remember me," he sounded relieved. I didn't like it. How did he know I remembered? I hadn't answered had I? Damn this burning, perhaps I had, amid the thrashing and screaming and I hadn't known it.

"I can read your thoughts, that's how I know that you answered me."

So he _knew_ how much pain I was in? Why would he allow this pain to continue for the both of us, he could kill me and solve both of our suffering?

"I will not kill you Evangeline. And as for how much pain you are in and the pain it causes me, I want you to know that I _will_ stay by your side until you are done, I will suffer _with_ you." His voice was soft but with the new information that he could hear my thoughts I was able to detect a slight amount of pain in his tone.

Edward was true to his word, he stayed with me as the burning was now sizzling what seemed like every nerve beyond insanity. He kept asking questions and waiting till I answered. Of course I would often scream aloud for someone to kill me, and despite Edwards promise to stay with me I was much more willing to have it ended than answer him. My hollow flaming mind was filling with vague images, memories that had been lost moments before at Edwards prompting.

He had asked me to focus on the last memory I had, of him. I could almost remember him standing outside, arguing with a blonde woman and… Alice.

"What do you remember about Alice?" Edward asked. And instantly I heard another voice, higher pitched and excited come close.

I saw this Alice in a memory, but there was no context. It was just her staring up at me a soft smile on her face, the glow of some light to our right. After this Edward asked me to remember other people he named. I came up with vague memories for only a few others. Bella, Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper I could kind of remember, at least I felt like I knew them. Other names were lost to me. When he mentioned Mrs. Jordan I could find memories of her much clearer.

The burning was still torturing me, but as Edward stayed with me questioning me I could almost get lost in it. I found my mind was so vast and his questions were starting to make the space not seem so consuming. I pulled up a memory of my mum singing to me when Edward prompted. He kept doing this. And soon there were more questions of my own I wanted to ask.

Edward began explaining what was going on with me. I was beginning to find that I could hear others whispering nearby and I could almost make out their words. According to Edward I was becoming a vampire. He and all those I had met at camp were vampires as well. All of them had gone through this process as well. I was 21 and missing roughly 4 years of memories; Edward told me it was likely due to a brain trauma that precipitated the need to change me in to a vampire. I did not thank him. In fact I used that knowledge to tell him I would rather die than let this pain continue.

There was a game I was playing with the brightness that kept growing when my eyes were closed, I could push the brightness away, but the pain would return to my head. The game was to see if after each time the pain would change any. The brightness wasn't simply painful, which it did have an element of agony, but the lights were so _strong_ that they seemed stronger than what seemed to be happening to the rest of me.

"Evangeline you are prolonging your change every time you do that," Edward's voice grew angry, as that was the third time he'd told me. The others in the room were expressing their concern and tried to coach me in to ignoring the brightness.

"Evangeline you are nearly at the end, you must stop fighting those lights," a stern voice I hadn't heard yet ordered me. I too begged this new voice to end the pain.

As the hot coil of fire burned everything inside and out of my body Edward again explained what was happening to me, and that it would finish and at that time I would be a vampire. Time stretched as I thrashed, and screamed in intervals. My mind was now able to process vast amounts of information, multitasking the pain with the questions and answers I'd been given.

Edward instructed me to focus on any memories I wanted to keep because once changed those memories would be hard to remember. So I thought about my mum, my aunt Tiff, the Thorps, the roller rink my mum and I would go to on weekends. Again Edward was helpful with this area encouraging me towards other memories. When a flash of Mr. Golswiki came Edward told me to forget him, and I did.

As my brain was much faster at sensing things than I thought it had been, I instantly could tell when there was a small distinct lack of tight flaming pain in my toes and finger tips. It took hours for the white hot burning pain to recede up my arms and legs. I could feel heavier parts of my body; I felt half dipped in magma and half in a frozen lake. I was enraptured with the amount of pain still pulsing through my body, it seemed like it was fading from body parts but that wasn't the case. It was gathering in a different area, it was gathering in my chest and throat. My head was cooling down now, the lights beyond my control any longer, I was going to attempt to push them away but Edward sharply warned me not to.

My eyes burst open as the fire was being pulled towards my heart with a crawling slow speed. I screamed and cried so much I was sure they could hear my anguish all over the world. I saw the ceiling above me, an empty floor around my twitching body. I found that I could hear things I hadn't paid attention to before. An owl landing on a branch miles away. Massive amounts of rodents scurrying away from my location. A car horn far far away. And smells, there were _so_ many smells. All of them were so powerful and thick, layering complexly on top of one another. I could detect a sweet succulent smell that made my throat burn further; the smell was thickly covered with something of a sharp chemical makeup. I could detect what Edward smelled like versus others in the room, due to his proximity to me.

There was a shift, sudden and highly distressing that was a culmination of every single past torment ever inflicted upon me. The burning flame in my chest swirled violently into my heart. The rapid beating thumped so violently my body was shaking because of it. My eyes still open I looked at the three figures in the room, the detail I could see in their faces gave me something to focus on. Alice, she looked completely different than the memory I had of her, her black hair was vibrant in its depth. But it was nothing compared to the shiny silky look of the other man in the room. He was tall, eyes tensely looking at me. This time it was instinctual that I called those bothersome lights back. They had been with me all along I realized and I saw them better now.

I could see _so_ much now. With my eyes I could every detail, but with those lights I could see so much more, a new layer to every person in the area, the number of which I counted effortlessly. There were 16 other beings in the area with us. And I could see inside of each of them. Even if my normal sight couldn't see their features my second sight could see the energy inside of them. Each individual was _spectacular_ in its beauty and uniqueness. Some of them were of a similarly colored to ones near them. But all of them had three lights in their head, with the exception of ten that had four lights. Edwards fourth light was bright and inviting. Alice's fourth light flickered in its intensity.

As I thought on the second sight I was still in agony, my heart had been practically humming in its rapid beating but now it was pumping more slowly, as if my blood was turning in to gunk. Which was oddly more painful than the rapid thumping. I looked frantically to those in the room from my spot on the floor. My second sight saw the light in my chest changing _into_ something. It had been a clear clean blue light and was now bleeding to another color and intensity. I was mesmerized by it and by Edwards focused attention on me; he was just as intrigued as I was.

My heart slowed, and with every pump the burning ebbed more and more. I knew when the time was upon me for my heart to stop beating when the light it was emitting changed drastically to a solid gold color, dull and unchangeable.

.~.

.~.

.~.

The instant I thought about getting off the floor I was standing. I calculated the people around me and my brain didn't like them. A slow noise came out of my chest warning them to go away. The other people weren't even in the same room with me and I couldn't see them with my normal eyes.

"Evangeline?" The tall man called to me. My eyes flashed to him, my second sight glanced at his lights again, and I found them pleasing to look at. I took in every detail in the room, and in the time it took me to count every piece of dust, crack in the wall, flake of old paint most of a second had passed.

The flair of the burning in my throat annoyed me.

"You need to feed-" Edward began, but I came to my own instant solution. I turned the damn bright red burning light off in my throat. I could feel it pulsing there, but the annoying burn was gone.

"Well-"Edward seemed impressed and took a glance at Alice and the other man.

I wasn't afraid of the number of other vampires, though I could feel a distinct wariness about them being so close itch in my mind. I was calmed by two things, one being my own second sight. Those pretty and amazing lights, the same ones I had been bothered by while being burned, were so eager to do as I commanded. Although I knew I had to get much closer to other people to have them at my will. The second thing which I couldn't really understand was the other man; his sheer presence was almost soothing in a way.

My heart had stopped beating merely four seconds previously, when I decided to get part of the uneasiness I was feeling fixed.

I took a long look at the man, then Edward, then Alice. Then I ran from the room. I went right through the glass window as if it was a clear curtain. The breaking sound of glass and the sound of the pieces falling were far behind me as I made my way in to a thick forest that was highly unfamiliar. The sun was low on the horizon and the clouds obscured it from me, it had rained recently as I could smell the moisture in the air and feel it all around me as I sped by wet branches. I noticed every small detail and this new brain processed it with ease. Edward hadn't been joking when he said how powerful I would be, I nearly laughed after I ran through a tree leaving it to topple over after I was a long distance away.

While part of my brain was processing what I saw, smelled, felt and heard. My second sight was busy searching for more pretty lights to look at. Edward's lights were coming after me, along with the tall mans. I felt a strong feeling of satisfaction roll through me knowing the strange man was chasing me.

I was annoyed that Edward was.

I flew across a wide valley, having leapt from a tree which I barely thought about climbing before I was at its top. There was an alluring scent that piqued my interest; it stimulated me so much that the pulsing spot in my throat where that uncomfortable burning came from ached to be set free.

I followed the scent, Edward and the other male were getting close so I added speed to my movements, seeing the lights of energy in my legs the same dull solid gold in my heart, I found there was very little I could do to enhance their brilliance, and add to my speed. But that didn't stop me from trying.

The smell of the human got stronger, and my second sight stretched further than my other senses and found the source. A single human, male judging by the pattern of the lights and the areas that were lit up the most, he was on a bike pedaling steadily along the side of the road. The two lane road was curvy and I positioned myself ahead of the man. I felt giddy because I could feel the pull of his scent, the beating heart within his chest was drawing me closer. In addition I found that the closer he got the more the lights inside of him could be played with my by me.

I jumped onto the road directly in front of him, flattening the front of his bike as if it was a soap bubble; his momentum propelled him into my chest. I didn't even have to shift except to open my mouth to latch on to the meaty part of his shoulder. I turned off all the lights I could in the man's head as I drew a long satisfying gulp of thick blood. The strong light in my throat was set back on and it was quivering in pleasure as I drank.

"Evangeline!" Edward shouted at me. The man I had drank from was limp and I tossed his body away to turn and threaten anyone who would encroach on my kill. It was so pleasurable I needed to find another.

"Another _**human**_ Eva!? You need to find another **human**?" Edward shouted after me. I stopped abruptly, the events of my last actions reaching the small intellectual part of me not shut off by desire for more blood.

"You told-" I began to yell back at him, but the sound coming out of my mouth shocked me. My voice was pure as fresh snow. I tested it out by humming a second. As I did so I heard a car coming down the road quite a distance away. Kenji was now standing close to Edward and both were by the body of my meal.

"Who are you?" I asked the man, my mind thinking several parallel thought processes at once. I started to plan to feed off of every humans in the car that was getting closer, I could already tell there were three people in the car, two had lights very compact, which told me they were children. I wondered if their blood would be sweeter.

"My name is Kenji," He informed me calmly, but his gold eyes looked troubled. "Will you come away from the road please; there are many things I am sure you would like to talk about."

He was right, I did have many questions. I had been told I was in Japan, how I got here I hadn't a clue. I was no longer 17 like I had been in the last memories I had. The Whitlock's were the only people I knew, and I was vaguely familiar with them at best. Perhaps I had had a better relationship with these people before whatever had happened to me, happened. But Alice was the closest among all those I could remember that I might even consider a friend. And at the moment her possible friendship wasn't any reason to stop me from feasting again.

I turned to face the other way to await the car coming around the curve. I felt him running up behind me and a rush of pleasure filled me, although I didn't want to share my meal. Kenji tackled me into the woods, and I had a momentary pause of what to do with him. I didn't want to do anything to his lights, they were so pretty and it felt wrong to tamper with them. But he was preventing _me_ from getting _my_ prey.

Kenji pinned me to the ground and I played along with him, wiggling my hips under him and nipped at his arm playfully.

"Now is not the time to be seducing me Evangeline." Kenji said sternly.

My eyes narrowed at him. Edward shouted something, but it was too late for Kenji. I turned off the second smallest light inside his head, and threw him off of me. I'd turn it back on later. Kenji was frozen in the position that he had been in when he was pinning me, except now he was facing the sky instead of the ground. I was up in a flash and before I got more than ten feet closer to the road again Edward was blocking my path.

A predatory gut reaction belted through me with the sound low menacing growl.

"Get out of my way Edward you only get one warning." I became aware of two more vampires approaching from where I had come from. One was Alice's the other was a male vampire.

"Evangeline you don't want to kill those people. There are two little children in that car." He told me.

I shifted to the right, Edward blocked me.

I attempted to reach his second smallest light in his head to turn it off, but he was just outside of my range. I snarled at him furiously.

The thought of two small children being killed warred within me. I wanted to drink them, to taste their sweetness to let it coat my throat and sooth me. But they _were_ just small children; I could feel the horror at myself starting to build. The car drove by, mere feet from where Edward and I were. We had barely been obscured by the tree line.

I watched angrily as I let the lights and the people they belonged to go. My eyes were fixed on Edward, the glare was solid. _He made me _**lose**_ my prey_. It was just worse than him feasting on them himself; he took the chance away and prevented _me_ from doing it.

"Will you fix Kenji now?" he asked, his bronze hair catching the sun as the clouds moved along. The same beam of light that made his hair light up caught me on the forearm. The prisms of color my skin erupted in shocked me, and I felt the angry rumblings come from my body.

"I'll fix him." I agreed, and quickly did just that. A simple touch to his arm and a flick of a light inside his head and he was back to normal.

"I know you don't remember anything after the camp Eva, but you have to understand all I am doing is trying to help you." Edward pleaded again. I was mildly distracted by Kenji's scent and I prowled around him.

"Ah you have to love newborns. Usually there is only one thing on their mind. But if Emmett and Rosalie can set the standard, a newborn born with a Mate right at their finger tips seems like they will switch between sex and feeding quite easily."A cheerful voice with a southern tinge to it met my ears. Alice and the other male had caught up. They came around in front of me, and I lowered myself protectively to the ground, ready to run or ready to attack.

I remembered him, almost. He has an abundance of scars all over his body that made me wary of him; my second sight soothed me minimally indicating he was just as vulnerable to my manipulations as anyone.

"This is Jasper, Eva. You met him in the gym." Edward explained. I examined his lights; my head tilted and gave a long pull of his scent. I liked it. It was mixing well with Alices' fresh and bright mint smell and it represented the lights inside of him well.

"There is no need," Edward insisted to Jasper.

I was aggravated. "Having a telepathic conversation?" I accused.

"Yes. If you must know I was asking him if you'll need help getting yourself under control." Jasper stated crossing his arms. His movement set me on edge again.

There was a big part of me that felt like I was on a roller coaster with how I was reacting. I had no control with what other people's actions or words would have me do. I had been making noises and grunts of all sorts that I had no idea I could make, and until I made them I had I didn't know what they represented. Standing, well crouching, here in front of four vampires I felt tense. I could tell that I could stay in this position forever if I wanted. And so many things were processing about what was going on around me, the entire time. I was starting to worry my mind would get full or I would go insane, but my mind kept up with everything.

The layers of thought were so rapid I wondered if this is how all vampires thought. Because as I was thinking about Jasper and Alice's scents I was thinking about how angry I was that those humans got away. Then I was thinking about how my skin was reflecting in the sunlight and how that wasn't normal. Also I was thinking about how to get more blood. Then I was thinking about how horrible it was that I had killed that man. While also thinking about how I was in control except for some weird primal instincts I couldn't do anything about. Then I was wondering what I was doing here with these strangers. In addition I was wondering exactly what I was capable of; Edward had mentioned a few things. Like speed and strength. Then I started thinking about Kenji and what he looked like naked. Also I was thinking about the fact I didn't need clothes, while I was thinking about the fact I wasn't wearing any clothes. I was also pondering on the fact I could think all of these things so quickly that not even a full two seconds had passed since Jasper had spoken.

"So what do we do from here?" I asked them.

"You need to understand a lot… I think. Not having your memories from the last four years, more importantly the last six months is highly problematic." Kenji told me.

I took in a long breath of the ancient forest; the moist air added a layer to the complexity of the plants.

"I remember Edward saying it was typical of vampires to not have many strong memories of their human past." I slowly said, still getting used to the sound of my voice in my ears. I kept checking the light that gave my voice energy to see if it was okay, and it was.

"It is. But you _should_ have those memories, at least some of them. You don't even remember Renessmee, or Carlisle do you?" Jasper took a turn asking.

"No." I said simply.

"Your case might be similar to what happened with me. I have no memories of my human life, not one. And we think it is likely due to some trauma I suffered while human." Alice spoke up. I liked the sound of her voice.

"You said I suffered a brain trauma…" I looked to Edward.

"You had. You would have died if we hadn't acted." I was finding myself liking it when Kenji spoke. The sound of his voice and the way his lights shifted gave me some comfort.

"I assume that the human me, with memories intact would have wanted to live. Which is why you put me through that torment?" I accused the group.

I got four nods of agreement.

"Would you feel comfortable going back to the castle to see the others?" Alice asked.

Her fourth light went bright for a second as I puzzled at her question.

"We were in a castle before?" I asked.

Jasper smiled slightly, "You were in too much of a hurry to take a look, much less stop to put clothes on." He gave a nod to me to suggest that something was off by me not wearing clothes.

As I wasn't cold, or warm, and I actually found myself enjoying the feel of the air on my skin even with it being different from how it felt when I had been human.

I cocked my head to the side. "Why Jasper, are you hitting on me?" my tone was blank and Edward held back a laugh.

"Modesty is generally best for when you are in the presence of those that consider you to be their sister." Kenji chuckled.

My heart fell at that. I looked to Kenji with a horrified pained expression. He thought of me as a sister?

"No, Kenji was talking about Alice, myself and Jasper. Kenji here actually likes looking at your naked body." Edward admitted while trying to avoid eye contact with me.

Oh, that was a relief.

"Can I hunt more?" I asked suddenly, realizing that the pulsing spot in my throat, which should be burning bright red, was eager to have more blood.

"Yes but you cannot hunt humans." Kenji instructed.

Suddenly I got the idea in my head to hunt a human and drink them dry, the idea was more than I could take, and I took off.

"Eva stop! You don't want to kill more people!" Alice shouted to me.

"Yeah! I kinda do!" I yelled back, far out pacing all of them. Edward's lights were still much further in front of the others however.

I slowed a bit and licked my lips. _Hunting for food could come soon enough_, I soothed myself. Now that I knew my primal feelings towards Kenji were mutual I had other tastes that needed sating. As soon as that thought left me Edward stopped pursuing me and fell back. Kenji however was trying to head me off. Alice and Jasper's lights soon faded from my range.

Racing over a mountain Kenji tackled me to the ground again. We took down four trees and crumbled a boulder beneath us while we grappled with each other, when all was said and done I had him pinned beneath me his gold eyes looking up at me worriedly.

I leaned in close and took a long breath in of him. The gold receded from his eyes and for once that primal reactionary roller coaster made me proud, I knew he and I wanted the same thing. His clothes were nothing but shreds a second later.

Sex was far better than feeding, especially since I could see the energy lighting up in his body, and how it mixed with my own lights. I know for a fact I hurt him on several occasions, but rough and wild was the meal for the night. And it didn't matter that I didn't even really know Kenji. The primal vampire nature in me soothed me into knowing it was meant to be this way.

.~.

.~.

V

V

V


	35. Memories

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

.~.

.~.

**Panthalassa : High Tide**

**Chapter 35 - Memories**

.~.

Kenji instructed me on how to hunt, and what was acceptable to feed on while Edward, Alice and Jasper kept a respectful distance from us. I toyed with Kenji, flirting and seducing him to try and get him to give me permission to hunt the prey I wanted. I had no clue why his approval was important to me. It felt similar to a child begging an adult to let them have a treat before bed. The thought about children and bedtimes had me pause. I would never need sleep again.

His guidance worked, for the most part. I only ate two more humans while we hunted that night. It would have been more, but he kept distracting me with his perfect looking body. I ate a deer, which was beyond disgusting, until I turned off the light responsible for my ability to taste, then it tasted like nothing.

Kenji tried to get me to put on a shirt Jasper left hanging on a tree as we approached the looming castle. Even in the dead of night I could see every detail of the structure. It looked wonderful with the bright lights of the people inside. I was confident when I jumped back into the window I had destroyed 368 minutes before, that my ability to manipulate the lights inside any potential threat would keep me safe.

Back in the castle I was introduced, or reintroduced to a bunch of other vampires that claimed they were my family. The word family and this new predatory body didn't seem to mix well. I was a singular being and I didn't _need_ a family any longer. That was definitely a positive change from the human me I could barely remember. I had been weak and desired nothing more than to be loved. Now I only wanted blood… and Kenji.

The vampire named Esme insisted that I put something on and Kenji provided me with a robe, the fabric felt smooth against my skin, but even so I could still detect the small imperfections in the fabric. I planned on taking off the garment as soon as Esme was no longer able to see me, and I toyed with the idea of turning off the light behind her eyes to make that come about sooner.

I was given a concise and quick rundown of what they suspected happened to my memories. They had thought I would become a wild creature without capability to form thoughts because I might have lost the brain function in order to do so. But apparently the vampire with a similar fourth light to Alice had only 'seen' me running around naked and killing to form the opinion that I had no ability to reason. I wasn't sure if I should be offended that simply because I liked being naked now meant that the vampire named Toji had claimed I was going to be feral monster.

The group, they called themselves the Cullen's, not Whitlock's, exclaimed their relief at my ability to function, yet were very sad and lamented the fact I had no real memories of them. When I asked about what exactly I was missing from my memories, the room went quiet. And the seconds dragged on, none gathered seemed to want to start first. That both angered me and interested me.

"You were attacked at the camp… and went in to a coma. When you woke up we took you in to our family, as you would have gone to a group home because the Conner's didn't have room for you any longer." Carlisle started.

My eyes narrowed as I tried to match up his words with some memory. Who would have attacked me at the camp? I couldn't even remember what this camp had been about much less who else had been there.

Edward spoke up to fill in the blank, "It was a girl named Sophila." I knew the name and I knew it had something to do with the Thorps, and that I _hated_ the girl Sophila. But other than that there was nothing linking me to her, no context I could pull from my memories.

My fast working and highly distracted mind bounced around to try and figure out the next question to be asked. On one hand I didn't _actually_ care about my past. I could run off, hopefully with Kenji, and leave all of these people behind, never sparing them a second thought. On the other hand it seemed as if they _had_ cared about me, and although I was no longer bound by the human frailties of needing to be loved the new me found it intriguing that I _had_ been a part of their family.

"There are a lot of elements and components to this story," the male I came to understand was the 'father' of this group said, and I found myself liking Carlisle. "If you would be able to be patient and listen we could go quickly through everything."

"I want to feed." I muttered looking at the bright red burning lights in each of their throats was a reminder at how mine wasn't parching my throat dry but was humming with eagerness to be fulfilled.

My hands twitched at my side showing my need to go out and find some prey.

"We can go in and hour." The kind yet authoritative voice of Kenji calmed me some. Not much, but some. So I started counting the seconds while the Cullen's talked.

They covered the family history, briefly touching on how each member of the family came to be a vampire. I felt worst for how Carlisle had been changed. He had been alone in a cellar with sacks of rotting potatoes around him. Until I heard Rosalie's story which brought a massive amount of anger in me towards the men that would do something like that, my anger was tinged with a feeling of empathy, for what reason I wasn't sure.

Bella's history for joining the family was most interesting, and the talk about a human-vampire hybrid fascinated me. They told me about how that child had caused problems due to the vampire laws of secrecy and something to do with the leaders of the vampire world destroying immortal children. They had an altercation that ended tensely but without any loss of life. They had gone over each of their special abilities, and I found myself looking at the fourth light in their heads to see if it would give me further information on them.

Then came the part that involved me, but as Alice started talking about the part where she was having visions of darkness I finished counting out the hour. When she was mid syllable I was out the window again.

I could hear the one called Emmett's laugh echo after me, while Esme scolded Edward for not warning them I would take off like that.

I let the robe fly off of me, not caring where it landed as I raced to find an appealing scent. I hoped the first thing I would come across was a human, that way Kenji couldn't guilt me in to stopping.

Sadly I found two deer three mountain ridges over and fed on them. Not tasting them was almost as bad _as_ tasting them. Then I realized it was also the smell of them that bothered me. I was finding more interesting things out about my second sight. I could stop looking with it, although it didn't really distract me much to have it going all the time. At least it didn't distract me as much as smelling or hearing anyway. But when I wasn't choosing to use it, it would still pop up when it felt something new.

I stopped at the edge of a clearing when my second sight came up showing me there was a person heading my way, it was a vampire, female, and the lights inside were rather harsh to look at. This wasn't a vampire I had seen in the castle. Kenji came up to my side looking in the direction I was facing. Even though the vampire was coming more from the right I didn't adjust my position.

"What is it Evangeline?" Kenji asked, he took a long sniff of the air, his own senses not picking up anything out of the normal.

"How do you see your ability?" I turned to look at him, the desire to learn what the fourth lights really meant came to the forefront of my thoughts.

"I am not sure what you mean."

"You know mine manifests as lights, I see bright lights," I said pointing to my head.

"No I don't see any lights." He admitted a small eager look coming to his eyes. "When you were human you were able to see bright flashes of light that would cause you pain. We were only able to confirm linking them to possible danger coming near you. However it is possible that when you became an immortal they came to serve more than one function. Do you want to try and explain to me exactly what it is you are seeing?" His tone became more eager the more he talked. And I was enjoying his glee at this, although _why_ my lights would interest him so much, it wasn't like he could see their brilliance. Then I became sad realizing he couldn't see the beauty I could.

"To begin with, I can see quite clearly that we aren't alone and yet you haven't even reacted to the intruder's proximity." My gaze turned to the approaching vampire, she was close enough now that we should have been able to hear her breathe or the sound of her feet on the ground, but mostly he should have been able to see her in the clearing. As soon as I spoke she stopped in her approach. My regular eyes couldn't see her and it bothered me that none of my other senses were indicating we weren't alone.

"Someone is here with us?" He asked following my gaze yet again.

Defensiveness sprang in me. If Kenji couldn't see the threat, and I could, it meant he could be in danger. So I did the natural thing and attacked it. Whatever the vampire really was, it tried to run away from me. Kenji followed as best he could with how fast I was moving.

I didn't need to tackle this vampire as my ability lashed out with my need to protect and turned off the second smallest light in its head. The female was down, but still invisible to all other senses. I crouched down ready to disassemble the creature, based on where its lights were. The instant my fingers grazed upon invisible marble flesh Kenji put a hand on my shoulder.

"Evangeline, I believe you have disabled a dear friend of mine. Her name is Shizuka; she was born as an immortal with a very impressive gift."

The tone in his voice, the one of pride, made me jealous.

"Can you explain what you do when you put me in to unconsciousness?" He knelt down next to my crouched position. I mimicked his posture still unsure what to do about this Shizuka as an intruder.

"Every person… human or immortal has these energies... Lights which are _so_ brilliant I can't help but watch them. I know what function most of the lights have. There are at least three in every persons head. The bright one I am afraid to touch, the smaller one that is the body function, it has threads that go to the light behind the eyes, so I assume that turning that light off would make whomever go limp but still allow them to see things. The second smallest light makes you go off. Like what I did to you and what I did to Shizuka. That energy is easy to manipulate. It takes no thought for me to play with it." I took a long breath and began to go through what I knew about what I was doing.

"There are four lights in some of us. You, Edward, Alice, Jasper, Toji, Bella… and myself have them. I can turn those off as well but it is much harder than that second light. There are nearly 700 in a human, all of them I can control. Immortals have their energies combined into 60, some of them I can't do anything to, like the energies in legs and arms. Most of the ones I can manipulate are in the head and chest."

Kenji nodded interestedly.

"I assume Shizuka has a fourth light as well." Nodding I confirm his question.

"Can you turn that one off while her second light is off?"

"No." I said, because it was just one of those things you know, like you can't bend your knee the other way without it breaking.

"Would you turn that energy back on then turn off her fourth light? Her ability is to become completely invisible. And I would like to properly introduce you two."

I did not want to do it, so I pretended like it was a difficult task. Something about the way Kenji's tone curved around saying her name made me _hate_ her. As far as I was concerned Kenji's feelings to her were a threat to the plans I had for him. I wanted him to only feel things for me.

The possessiveness in me was thrilling and a nice distraction from my need to find more prey to feed on.

"Evangeline?" Kenji questioned once several seconds had passed and nothing had changed.

I stood up.

"I don't think I want to turn her back on." I confessed easily. Honestly this female was nothing to me, and the fact Kenji wanted her back held me firm to not returning her lights to normal.

Kenji seemed to understand the situation and stood also, he was barely taller than I was, and I could feel him trying to intimidate me. "If you do not return her state to a normal one, I will withhold physical intimacy with you."

My glare was instant. How dare he blackmail me like that!

I hissed at him, the noise coming deeply from inside me.

"Well then, at least I can concentrate on my next meal instead." I snapped. I was instantly furious with him and he could tell. He reached a hand out to touch my shoulder and I reacted by leaping back, far away from him and the prone invisible Shizuka.

"Touch me again and I will knock you out," I spat at him before turning away and bolting out of the clearing.

My fury grew when it seemed that Kenji wasn't following me, but rather staying with Shizuka. I got near the edge of where I could see him with my second sight and watched as he searched for Shizuka on the ground and picked her up.

I made the concrete decision to hunt all the humans I could until I was so full I would burst. That would show Kenji who was in charge here. I would show him what threatening me would lead to.

I avoided the lights of vampires who were so obviously looking for me. I saw Alice on the edge of my sight once or twice as I headed to the north. I could smell more human scents on the wind and I was glorying in it.

There was a house on the edge of a city it had two occupants, two old women in the same bed. I turned off both of their second lights, as not to give them any undo fright. I thrilled in their blood and let loose the pulsing light in my throat and felt the smooth quenching of blood coat my throat. Once finished with them I made my way to the next house, not even close to being ready to finish.

My second sight was helpful in picking out victims that weren't very aware, and because their lights were easier to play with than immortals I could turn their second light off without even touching them. I found an apartment complex where most inhabitants were sleeping and I was about to make my pick for the next victim when I heard someone singing.

It was a tiny child's voice echoing as if in a bathroom. A tiny male child, I realized, his voice was so innocent even though it was off pitch it had stopped me in my actions. I clenched my jaw and moved around the building till I could see inside his apartment; I had to climb a tree to accomplish it. The sun would be rising soon and I had to make a decision about where I would go from here. I had no real desire to go back to that castle… well to amend that, I _wanted_ to go back to Kenji, but if I did he would want me to fix _Shizuka_. I was not interested in that.

I crouched in the tree and listened to the little boy, he was out of the bathroom now, singing in Japanese, going about his tiny apartment home turning on lights in the kitchen. I watched him long enough, without breathing and with my lights off in my throat, to realize how interesting the child was beyond how sweet his blood would taste. It took until he had finished singing and turned on the early morning news for me to realize what I found interesting about him.

He was singing.

I remembered singing. I used to do it. I could remember that.

Running back in to the thick cover of the woods and mountains I decided to give it a try with my new crystal clear voice, and see how it felt.

I sat atop a tall evergreen tree, and began singing notes. I couldn't remember any song lyrics off the top of my head, my memories weren't that strong. And I couldn't remember my human singing voice that well, I knew I was talented but I was amazed at the notes coming from within me. The second light in my throat the one dealing with my voice was so strong naturally, and I could feel it being linked to my fourth light by a thin tendril of light. Singing to the horizon as the sun rose gave me peace. No thoughts of thirst, of Kenji, of my missing memories, or my past or future bothered me. I enjoyed listening to my wordless song echo around me.

I watched the sun rise and the way the beams of light reacted to my flesh. There was so much to see, with both sets of vision. I wondered what I would do with an eternity of time. I didn't need sleep. Once the sun was fully away from the horizon I left my tree and decided to try to swim back to America. Perhaps I would come back and look for Kenji one day. If I gave him a long time to think about his behavior maybe he'd come crawling back to me.

My second sight abruptly flashed to inform me a demon of massive speed was heading my way. It was a male immortal, one I didn't recognize, and he was much faster than any of the others. Intense panic came to me as I realized I wouldn't be able to outrun this man, and that the lights I could see in his head were very threatening to me.

I fled, running any direction I could think of to evade him; I lost him once for a brief moment till he changed his course. Fear of his unknown intent pushed me as fast as I could go. When I smelled the ocean I knew I was going to be fine if I could get in to the water.

I swore under my breath when I saw the familiar lights in the direction I was going. Kenji was standing in my path along with Toji. The threatening vampire was too close for me to choose another path so I stopped a few meters before the tree break where Kenji and Toji were and turned to face my pursuer.

The vampire and I caught a glimpse of each other. I crouched while watching him, preparing to fight a battle my lights were already warning me I would lose. He was Asian, and very slightly shorter than Kenji. I could see the dark purple light, the fourth light in his head, and it was crackling against my own second sight. It almost hurt in a way. The closer he got the more I had to fight myself from trying to run again.

He stopped a good forty feet from me. Much too close for comfort. His ability wasn't affecting me yet, but I did not like the idea of him coming any closer.

"Evangeline," He said with a calm tone. _Great_, I thought, _he knew me too_. I must be famous in this vampire world. What the hell was I doing for the last four years? "Will you behave and come back to the castle with us?"

"I don't really feel like I have much of a choice." I said.

"Well my name is Ichiro, and there is much more of the story the Cullen's need to tell you."

I stared him down, and then I realized something that I hadn't yet done. I blinked. The simple action of blinking felt as unnecessary as breathing did, and I was distracted for a second by the fact I hadn't blinked in over 12 hours.

"I see no reason to listen to more stories." I said shortly.

"Evangeline please." Kenji spoke up from behind me.

There was no reason for me to go back to that castle, not at least from what I was able to tell. I was about to tell the Japanese men they'd have to force me to go back because none of my plans had anything to do with going back there.

"Perhaps if you knew it involved your children you would be more interested." Toji announced.

"I have children?" I asked completely baffled. I spun around to stare Toji down.

When did I have these kids? And _who_ was the father? Where were they? How many were there?

"We have a son, Adam, and a daughter, Lily." Kenji said, a strong smile forming on his face. I felt a giddy feeling grow in me at his words.

"We?" I asked coming to stand right in front of him. My eyes were bright and wide with excitement.

"Yes." He confirmed it. It took me a second to come up with the answer as to the how. Kenji and I had two hybrid children, much like the one Bella and Edward had, Renessmee.

"I want to see them." I demanded. I was beginning to feel so very proud of myself. If Kenji and I had children _together_, surely that meant Shizuka wasn't as important to Kenji as I was. He _was_ mine, and _our_ children would be evidence of that fact. I needed to see them to solidify my place beside Kenji.

Toji pulled the robe from behind his back. And I growled irritated as I put it on, ripping it slightly while doing it. The one named Ichiro lead the way.

.~.

When I got to the castle they held me seeing my children at ransom. Esme said she felt terrible about doing it. But I was to listen to the rest of the story, and restore Shizuka to normal before I would be able to meet them.

I refused to put Shizuka back until I met my children. Edward and Jasper confirmed they wouldn't be able to push me on that front. And for some odd reason it made me happy that they were taking my side of this, even if they were still withholding me from meeting my children. I searched the area for any interesting lights and found none.

So story time continued. It was rather interesting to hear them talk about me, I had to admit. It was like being told the summary of a very long, dramatic and complicated movie. I was completely detached emotionally from the Evangeline in their story. So when they got to the part about my father being a werewolf and him dying to protect me, I was fascinated more than sad. Apparently I had sung for him before he died, which I did find I liked.

I had a singing career, which I thrilled at.

I had been kidnapped and tortured by some sick vampire, which was the first time in the story I actually felt some solid emotion. Anger.

Then I met Kenji, he wanted a child, I agreed so I could be changed.

My alter ego was killed off, which bummed me out.

I had a son.

Some of our friends were killed, which I had the feeling I should care about.

Then I got pregnant again, and at that point in the story I felt a lustful urge to have Kenji between my legs soar in me. Jasper looked visibly disturbed, and soon everyone in the room was looking towards their mates. The story got derailed from there for a moment as Jasper got his empathic ability under control and all the mated vampires calmed themselves down.

So nearing the end of the story they told me about the last few hours I had spent as a human and how they weren't certain how I would turn out as a vampire until shortly before Edward was able to hear my thoughts as I burned, realizing I wasn't a mindless creature they thought I might be.

"Any questions?" Carlisle asked kindly. I looked to him, then Edward.

"No. Now can I see my children?" I asked.

The family warned me that although they didn't find the hybrids appetizing, scent wise, they wanted to expose me to Edward and Bella's daughter first, to see if I could handle being near a beating heart.

Edward made a phone call and about a minute later I could hear the heart beat. I struggled against the fact Ichiro's ability was binding mine. I couldn't even _see_ his ability doing it which added to the irritation. I felt a little desperation in me that I couldn't see her lights, it had become a way I could feel them out, just as much as smelling someone's unique scent, my lights were an extension of a way to protect myself. I twitched with annoyance trying to move to a different part of the room where Ichiro's influence wasn't. Alice gave me a kind looking smile when she realized what I was doing; most everyone else was just watching me like I was a curiosity.

The sound of a hybrids heart, with the sweet gushing sound of blood pumping had venom pooling in my mouth. I firmly planted my feet at a spot nearest Kenji, facing the door Renesmee was going to walk through soon. At least when Ichiro's ability took mine away it left the effects of what I'd done to the bright light in my throat. I wouldn't have been able to form a solid thought with that thirst driving me insane.

Renesmee had a very depressed scent to her, sadness was clinging to every pore of her being, it stunk and I didn't like it. I stared at her as she came in the doorway, in an instant I took in every part of her. Her eyes searched for something in the room, almost instantly landing on me. Tears started to pool in her eyes, Bella went to her daughter's side while the girl started to cry. While still staring at her I caught others looking at me for a reaction in the peripheral.

"Eva?" she sobbed looking up at me from her mums embrace. I purposefully blinked twice.

"Yes Renesmee?" I asked.

I must have used the wrong tone because her face crumpled up again in anguish and she started to cry. Edward too went to his daughter.

"Why is she crying?" I asked looking to Carlisle. Upon asking that she cried harder and Bella began to lead her out of the room. No one answered right away.

"Was her scent too much for you?" Jasper asked instead of answering my question.

I took in a long breath of air, her own floral scent was sweet and alluring but not in the same way the man on the bike had been.

"No." I told the room.

I heard Bella and Renesmee talking down in a different part of the castle.

The hybrid was asking why she had lost some of the most important people to her; she was asking how she was supposed to go on living like this, without Jake and with me being a stranger to her.

"She and I were friends?" I asked the room. Rosalie frowned deeply while nodding. All of the Cullen's were watching me for a reaction; the Japanese vampires seemed politely interested in what was happening. Rosalie had taken a seat on low table that had some medical supplies on it. Looking at her seated made me want to try it too I looked to where Esme was and saw a rolling stool, one that doctors use, and went to sit on it. My own speed and strength flattened it. Emmett, and Ichiro couldn't hold their laughter back and I really didn't mind, I extracted myself from the chair bits as Edward tried to explain it to me.

"You remember the story of how recently she lost her husband… you are her best friend. And the fact you don't remember her… she feels she has lost you as well."

"She has also never seen a transformation first had or been around a newborn-"

"But Bella-"

"She doesn't count." Jasper waved me off. "You are… essentially the same as far as looks, but your mannerisms are completely different."

I had noticed the other vampires shifting and fidgeting.

"If it bothers her she doesn't need to see me again." I reasoned.

"See right _there_, even though what you said is something you wouldn't say if you could remember her, but you _would_ have shrugged your shoulders." Emmett pointed out.

I tried to shrug my shoulders, the movement felt odd, unnecessary. The movement caused Alice, Rosalie, Toji, Emmett, Edward, and Ichiro to laugh or try to hide a laugh.

"What?" I asked, trying to shrug my shoulders again.

Whatever it was about that movement and how I was doing it was entertaining to them, because Alice and Emmett burst into laughter. The others tried to hide their amusement, and until Esme cleared her throat and gave them a stern look did they quiet down.

"You move way too quickly for it to look right," Kenji helpfully supplied.

"Ok. Now can I meet my children?" I asked. I wanted my second sight back, I wanted to hunt and I wanted to see the physical evidence that Kenji and I had been together before I lost my memories.

.~.

Looking upon my children for the first time would be unforgettable event without my eidetic memory. They were both so beautiful and had an amazing mix of attributes from both Kenji and I.

My son Adam upon first seeing me started crying. My daughter Lily was a tiny little thing, and she merely smiled at me and wiggled in the female Tanya's arms. They had an odd stinky scent clinging to their clothes that I didn't like. When I brought it up, everyone smiled and looked at each other. Then they told me they had been with Seth, one of those humans that could change in to a giant wolf. I'd been told the wolves smelled horridly.

Still, I tried to enjoy my children's own unique scent by smelling them over and over. Adam laughed every time I did it and said I was tickling him. Lily too was laughing.

"Ichiro can you go away now?" I asked once Tanya handed me my daughter. I had to be extremely careful with how I handled the hybrid children. So I pretended they were soap bubbles and I used barely any pressure while touching them.

"What?" he asked sounding offended.

"I am sure it is because you are preventing Evangeline from using her ability." Kenji explained.

Carlisle's interest piqued.

"Why don't we give all of you some time alone hmm?" Rosalie suggested with a happy smile stretched across her face.

Eventually all of the vampires left the area, and as soon as Ichiro was far enough away my second sight was back and welcoming me with warm bright lights. My sons lights were of the same color pallet as Kenji's, whereas Lily's were a perfect mix of mine and Kenji's. They looked so much like him it made me proud in a primal way that they were _ours_.

"Mummy, I am so happy you are okay." Adam told me from Kenji's arms. We were still standing in the medical room. I wasn't sure about trying to sit down again, besides all of my attention was either on studying Adam and Lily on the inside and outside.

Adam's smile was curving much like how I vaguely remembered my own. And with that thought I realized I hadn't looked at myself in the mirror.

I went to the corner where there was a mirror hanging on the door and I stared at the creature looking back at me. If it wasn't for the fact I was holding my daughter I might not believed what I was looking at.

I was… stunning.

"I look…" I couldn't find the words. My bright red eyes were unsettling to look at but it wasn't the most impressive thing to see, so even if I couldn't ignore it while looking in the mirror I tried to focus on other things like my lips and cheekbones.

"Mummy you are beautiful," Adam said from Kenji's arms. Lily made some noises in my arms that indicated she agreed with Adam.

"You're mother is far beyond beautiful. There are no words in any language I have ever heard that would pay her accurate and proper justice." Kenji's eyes were slowly fading to that black primal need. I had to consciously remind myself I had two children in the room with us. A big part of me didn't care, and I felt my own body reacting to Kenji's obvious lust for me.

I had noticed it as soon as I first saw my children's lights to know they had a special talent. The fourth light wasn't nearly as bright as my own or even Edward's, but it looked like it could become brighter. Where as with all of the vampire's I'd seen with a fourth light looked near impossible to have the light become more powerful.

"They mentioned Renesmee having an ability, which was the opposite of Edwards and Bella's. I assume because I can see that our children each have an ability it will also be a mix between what we can do?" I decided to give Lily a very gentle toss in the air. Even still she nearly hit her head to the ceiling. Adam looked scared at how close it had been, Kenji merely smiled at us.

"It would seem so." Kenji agreed.

"I can fix things mum. I was healing you without knowing it just after I was born." The pride in his voice wasn't easy to miss.

"Interesting," I hummed studying the lights in Kenji and Adam more.

"Lily has shown us a little of what she can do, but it doesn't seem like she does it often."

I looked to the man with the unexplainable pull for me and then back at my little girls face.

Her bright blue eyes slowly began to change color, into bright red light my own.

"Oh!" I gasped, rather impressed.

"She's only done it with her eyes, but Uncle Edward suspects she'll be doing more before long." Adam instructed.

Lily gave her brother a look from my arms which was a clear signal for him to stop talking about her like she wasn't there. It was fascinating to see her facial reactions to things.

"You said she is only four days old?"

"Yes," Kenji reached a free hand to run it over her tiny head. "Almost five days soon."

"Lily… Do you have a middle name? Did I give one to you?" I asked her. She liked being talked to rather than about, and shook her head.

"Actually I was preoccupied with your change, and for their safety Tanya took Lily and Adam to the city while we awaited your change. Adam actually took it upon himself to name her."

I snorted.

"My mum's middle name was Lillian."

"I know, Rosalie told me their names when I asked. Did you know Rosalie's middle name was Lillian too?" he was enjoying talking to me so much his blue eyes never left my face.

"I didn't know that." I honestly thought he was just being polite asking me. As all my memories of Rosalie were after I awoke from my change, I hadn't heard her middle name in that time. I humored him anyway rather than point out the obvious.

"Your grandma Knight's middle name was Rose. I thought it was really neat, having flower names in the family. So I picked Lily."

"Lily is perfect Adam. You did a fine job picking out a name."

Lily soon made it known she was hungry, by pointing at her mouth. I wouldn't be able to feed her blood without needing some myself so Alice came and took her down to be with the family, Adam using his little fast legs to go with them. Adam said he wanted me to sing to them after Lily's nap.

I turned to Kenji fully ready to either hunt, or mate with him. But he merely rose a fantastically shaped brow at me.

"What?" I barked.

"You promised." He said pointing to another room. I saw with my second sight the still figure of Shizuka. I made a noise in my throat.

It gave me no pleasure to fix her, and as soon as I replaced her light to the normal position I fled the castle yet again. Kenji this time followed me closely.

I only found one more deer before my desire for Kenji took over. He was prepared for my onslaught and we tumbled down the mountainside.

We returned hours later.

Lily was awake from her nap, having bed fed twice since Kenji and I had been gone.

I had no idea what to sing to my children, as I remembered no songs, not really.

So I decided to just sing with notes.

All of the vampires that I had seen with my second sight were gathered. I sat on the ground rather than risk damaging the furniture in the large outdoor area we were gathered in. Rosalie and Emmett were sitting close by also on the ground, Bella and Edward had a very broken looking Ren between them on a giant boulder. Then a couple I just met named Benjamin and Tia took a spot up in a tree. Most everyone else was standing near their mate or if they had no mate, their coven mates. It was weird that I effortlessly associated these words with them.

The sun was just getting past the middle of the sky when I started to sing.

The last memories I had of my human life were fuzzy, and they were of a very unimportant moment of me walking in the rain. Memory is such an interesting thing, everything we do and remember makes us who we are. And sadly because my memories of everyone gathered were gone, the emotions I knew would be there if I could remember them would have been happy and sweet. That much I realized.

I honestly just wanted to run away with Kenji, Adam and Lily, and never see any of these people again. Being around them was really trying on my instincts, if not for my ability and the knowledge I could easily stop any of the others from harming me or my mate there is no way I would be sitting here so calmly.

I had a sinking feeling that I was going to be stuck with this large group for quite a while. At least until this Zhan person was dealt with.

.~.

.~.

AN: Pardon any grammatical errors or spelling errors. Eventually I'll triple check the chapters to see if I missed anything. We are almost at the end of High Tide, and Evangeline's story. I think two more chapters and thats it.

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	36. Flow of Energy

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

.~.

Panthalassa: High Tide

Chapter 36 -Flow of Energy  
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.~.

.~.

I was not as obsessed with the vast improvements my senses had gained when I became immortal as Jasper informed I should be.

Everyone was rather interested in me, my reactions, my ability, and my lack of memory. They tried to give me space, being a newborn they understood how my instincts were in charge. However we found they would have had to go roughly three miles away for them to leave the range of my ability. So I was stuck, and very angry for being stuck. My movements were much too fast, and I didn't understand how strong I really was, so after the children went to bed I was going to be shown how to move around a human world.

"Why do I even have to learn this?" I complained. Most of the time I stood stock still and never even furrowed my eye brows like I'd seen Kenji or Edward do from time to time, it felt unnecessary to move.

"Humans may not be as observant as we are but they frighten easily when they see something that cannot be explained easily." Carlisle patiently said.

I liked that I didn't even need to turn my head to see most everyone all of the time, my peripheral vision was as good as looking forward. Carlisle was standing off to my left, Esme near him. All of the Cullen's wanted to be a part of this, to teach me how to act more human.

"Humans are food, why would I want to act like one? I wouldn't be hanging around them unless their purpose was to be my next meal." My reasoning was pretty solid from my stand point. Humans were food. Humans didn't act differently around cows or apples did they?

Edward sighed slightly, "You are a newborn so it will take some time to get used to the idea. But in this family we choose to curb our instincts and value the sanctity of life."

"It will not be easy." Carlisle warned before giving each member of his family a pride filled smile before settling back on me.

"It took me more than 30 years before I was confident enough to walk around them." Emmett told me with humility.

I stared Edward down. _This is stupid_, I thought. I was full of frustration and anger at these people. One, because they were responsible for that burning torture that made me like this, and two because they were trying to control me.

"We really aren't Eva." Edward insisted.

"_Listen_," I hissed lightly, "I would be perfectly able to walk among humans without drinking them, _if_ I wanted to. Which I don't. You mention the sanctity of life, yet I am told to feed on animals? What about their life? Are humans more important because they thi-"

"Would you just listen to yourself?" Rosalie interrupted. My mouth snapped shut with a flair. My body was vibrating with anger.

"I don't have to stand here and listen to this." I sharply stated glaring at each of them. The fourth light in Jasper grew in brightness and I felt calmer.

Kenji put a hand on my shoulder and I fought the indignation to shrug it off.

"That might be a good idea." Edward looked to Carlisle then to me.

"Let's make a deal. We will stay out of your way no matter what your feeding habits will be, if you promise to spend twenty minutes with Renesmee." His caring and soft suggestion almost covered up the fact I didn't _have to_ strike any sort of deal with these people. But… they had cared for me, and were trying to show they still cared. Maybe I owed it to myself to just try.

"Fine." I agreed.

.~.

Renesmee was up in the mountains sitting on the ground, her knees tightly pulled to her chest as she softly wept. My approach was direct, and no one was following me, I could have taken this opportunity to run. But when I first heard her sobs, so soft and yet so full of grief I stayed my course.

The sun was getting low in the sky, and I watched it with interest. My skin was splashing light in every direction as I came to stand in front of her.

"I'm here." I said. She wiped the tears and snot from her face with the back of her hand. She had darker circles under her eyes than I did.

I started the count to twenty minutes as soon as she spoke.

"Did the others tell you I have a gift?" she asked, her voice was hoarse giving evidence to previous loud wailing and sobbing.

"It's the opposite of Edwards." I repeated what I knew. It felt odd looming above her like I was, and that was the only reason I knelt down a few feet in front of her.

"Would you like to see… anything?" She asked searching my eyes.

Renesmee was basically a living recorder for at least some of the events I was missing from my memory. But without knowing what I was missing it was hard to find a starting point. I was two minds about this family and my new life. It was hard for me to focus on which outcome I wanted more. The instinctual immortal me just wanted to seclude myself, feed, watch my children grow, and mate with Kenji. The rational part of me longed to know what I was missing from my memories. Had I really been happy with the family of vampires? Had they really loved me? But those questions honestly didn't matter now, the only family I needed was with Kenji.

"I don't know." I said, then I began explaining myself to Renesmee, her eyes were very expressive and I could see sadness building in them when I told her what I thought I wanted.

"Maybe we can start at the beginning. From the first time I met you," the most heartbreaking whimsical smile briefly made an appearance on her face. She put her hand out for me to take, and when I put my hand in hers I saw her fourth light flare then I was seeing something as if I was dreaming.

…..

I was able to easily understand that I was observing from Renesmee's point of view. She was able to show me what I looked like the night I came to live with the Cullen's. My head was shaved, and I was thin, my shoulders were hunched forward as if I was scared. However, my face showed my true emotions, I was interested and overwhelmed. Renesmee showed my first night and some dinner's she had with me, carefully avoiding the parts where her husband must have been. She showed me singing and playing with the Cullen's. Jasper was teaching me to play the guitar, and I looked… happy. She showed my first Christmas with the Cullen's and how Alice had pinned my short hair back for my concert. I was astounded to see the change in myself. I guessed that the change in my physical appearance and happiness had been gradual but with Renesmee showing me a much more condensed version of events it was truly amazing to see.

She showed me a trip we had taken to Yellowstone, and my interest in the events piqued because I had been told about my biological father and the fact he had been a real werewolf. She showed me singing and us rolling in the truck. Then she jumped to seeing me in a bed with machines hooked up. I looked near death, and although I had a solid lock down on my thirst when I saw the human me bleeding slightly through the gauze I felt the tickling of desire for that blood.

She showed me at my dad's funeral and the fight shortly after that. I found myself actually impressed, standing up to vampires like I was. Renesmee had cut her hair grieving for our friendship, why she showed me that I wasn't sure. We went through most of the summer and then me coming back to live with them and me hugging her in the woods somewhere. I realized while she was showing me the memory how I'd never had a friend like that. Even vague memories of people I interacted with while in foster care were not even close to the friendship I saw the two of us having.

Renesmee went through the last three years quicker, and when I had been kidnapped she was near frantic and crying all of the time. In the memory when she saw me again, Renesmee leaked some of her emotions through and I began to feel unbelievable amounts of relief, and guilt and sorrow over what had happened to human me.

A righteous fury built in me seeing the damage that had been done to my human self, and the fact I couldn't remember the trauma was a double edged sword. It was probably kinder that I didn't remember it now as an immortal I would remember it forever. By forgetting I lost so many other things, like understanding how I was able to move past that trauma. But seeing the damage through Renesmee's eyes was enough to ignite a fury in me towards this Zhan vampire.

We came upon seeing my and Kenji's interaction. My human self couldn't see the looks of adoration he was giving me, but Renesmee could see. She showed me a bit of Seth and his dislike of Kenji, apparently the wolf man had been in love with me. The pregnancy with the hybrid was so enthralling I began comparing it to the vague memories of the baby I'd had before.

I got to see Adam's birth in its entirety. He was amazing, Kenji was amazing, and I felt very proud of myself.

Twenty minutes were up just as Renesmee pulled away.

We stared at each other for a long moment. It was actually 3.5 seconds but to beings like us it felt like a long time. I wasn't sure what I should be feeling. I had half expected the Cullen's to be lying about their feelings for me, or my feelings towards them. By showing me her memories it had solved the issue of me wanting to get away from the castle and just being with my tiny family and Kenji. It had been covered in story time about how Zhan could control others and was using her ability to kill off vampires by using newborns, as we were very strong in our first year. And how she used werewolves too.

"I- I can't lose any one e-else I love Eva… please…" she started crying again bowing her head and letting the tears fall to her knees. I took a long breath in. Her grief was bitter and with the new memories of our friendship I felt protective of her. Remembering how gentle I needed to be I put the tip of my finger under her chin and guided her to look up at me.

The human me needed her, needed her friendship. And she needed me and the love I'd seen the others give me surely made all the difference in where I ended up.

"I will always be here for you, and I-I am sorry I don't remember on my own." Her tears slowed some as she watched me and considered my words. "And I promise you right here, right now I will not let anyone else you love get hurt." She nodded sadly, tears of relief bubbling up in her eyes.

Looking back on the memories she gave me, and the foggy ones I had of my own past I realized something else about her.

"You are my first and only best friend… Ren," I felt a small smile break across my face at saying the nick-name I had called her in the memory.

I had to be very careful as she launched herself at me and full on started bawling.

.~.

"Looks like the conversation you had with her went well." The tone Jasper used was kind and patient.

"I should be less likely to run off. Apparently I have a family and some responsibilities. I can't just go off…" I caught myself, if I talked about feeding I would want to.

Jasper had met me and Ren about half way back to the castle, our perfect eyesight could see everything in fine detail even with the three-quarter moon light. I could see the other lights not much further away, and I could hear them shifting and talking to one another. It seemed my 'siblings' were all waiting to hear how it went.

"You can go on ahead Ren," I tried to smile at her. I heard everyone's happy response in the distance to me saying the familiar nick-name. Ren nodded still so severely depressed before running back to see the others. Once she was far enough away I looked to Jasper.

"Even without your memories you are still much calmer than most newborns. I wasn't nearly as well behaved for months." He complimented me as he started to walk back. Walk. It seemed needlessly slow. I resigned myself to following along with the rules this family was setting forth, I'd trusted them as a human, and there was one lesson I had learned very well over the years and it was that I could only ever really trust myself. If I had trusted them then, I could do it now.

"It's still hard to be around a large group," I complained.

"Edward mentioned your ability helps you deal with that anxiety?"

I was looking at him while we walked forward, and the angle my head to my body felt weird, like I should be watching where I was going, but of course I could see perfectly where to step.

"The lights I see can indicate who is a threat, and so far Ichiro is the only one I want to be far away from, otherwise I could easily handle any of you if for some reason you wanted to attack me."

"You would just turn us off?" He asked still very interested.

"Yes. But the reason it's hard to be around so many others is the burning light here," I pointed to Jaspers throat. The light had a sort of sinister look to it, like it could never be... fulfilled. I solved the problem for mine by just turning the brightness off.

"You can see the thirst?" he actually sounded impressed and surprised.

"I see it as if it's a red flame captured inside a crystal prism, it's beautiful… but very harsh. The colors coming from it are so sharp; I don't like looking at it. Being around so many of our kind I can see it in all of them and it reminds me of mine."

"Does it cause you more stress, by making you thirstier?" Jasper was really concerned and his ability flared slightly when I felt the concern as he was speaking.

I stepped on a twig breaking it, and did that awkward shoulder shrugging motion.

"Oh good lord no. It makes me anxious. I turned that light off as soon as I felt how uncomfortable it was." Jasper stopped walking at that, so I stopped walking too. "So I feel anxious because I want to do the same thing to everyone else so I don't have to look at it."

He opened his mouth to say something, shook his head once, closed his mouth, cleared his throat and asked in a very small voice, "You turned it _off_?"

"Yes, as I see it right now it's like that crystal prism is empty now, or the outside of the prism has a tinge of red in it. It feels much better this way. I especially don't like being so close to yours… it's _so_ _bright_."

After that statement I had to tell Jasper why the light in his throat, the one for thirst, was so bright and enlarged. His light was like a cancer it had tendrils linking to his ability. Meaning his empathic ability was fueling his thirst. When he was near others that were thirsty it was like a shot of energy straight to the thirst light. It looked so vile and I felt horrible for him, once I finished explaining I couldn't contain my desire to fix it. I reached out with my fourth light and turned his thirst down. His facial reaction to what I was doing was instant. His scared hand went to his throat, the awe in his eyes made me smile inside.

"This," I paused my manipulations for a moment, "Is how bright say… Rosalie's light is." As I could see her light it was a fair comparison.

"It goes down further than this?!" He practically laughed in my face; I felt a strong wave of giddiness which had me laughing.

"It does, but I see a problem," I saw the thin line of light from his ability steadily supplying his thirst light. "Eventually it would go all the way back up to its full brightness on its own. Due to your ability. I see two solutions to the problem."

"Go ahead and give them to me electrical engineer Eva," he laughed happily at his own play on words. Due to his influence on me I was rather amused.

"First solution, I turn off your fourth light," seeing the puzzled look on his face I remembered he hadn't been there for that conversation. "Your ability, I could turn it off." He frowned slightly.

"Or I could try to find a way to cut that little thread of light linking it between the two. It doesn't seem as likely to work though."

"Eva…I feel practically… I have never felt less thirsty in all of my existence." To add to that he pushed a heaping amount of gratitude towards me.

"You're welcome Jasper. When I lowered the intensity of your light it reminded me a bit of Carlisle's."

"Oh?" He asked as we resumed walking.

"His isn't as sharp and ugly of a red as everyone else's. It is much softer." It was comparable to a book cover that had been sitting in the sun for a long time; it was still red, but much more faded.

"Well… if this is normal I think I might be able to go to Medical school like the others, hopefully I won't have to put up with one more decade of Rosalie lording that over me." He joked.

_Okay,_ I thought, _I guess having a family wouldn't be that bad._ Sometimes I judged things too quickly; at least I knew well enough when a change of my mind was in order.

.~.

As an immortal I never got tired, not physically at least. But I after I had been requested kindly by everyone to turn off their thirst light I felt required to oblige, I found out what it was like to be mentally drained. It didn't take me long to do, and as more of the stinging red lights were turned off I found myself actually feeling better and relaxing. All said and done I had turned off the energy supplying 20 vampires with a raging dry thirst. I hadn't wanted to do anything to Shizuka's light, but it wasn't worth being petty over, so I did it anyway. Ichiro's had been rather difficult to get at, as he couldn't get close enough for me to do much, just tweak it a little, which was better than nothing. Afterwards I noted something new with my own light. As I worked on playing with others energies my own thirst light pulsed more frequently. It was uncomfortable but not painful.

Thankfully when I finished with Tia, everyone wanted to go off and be with their mates. Esme and Carlisle were going to watch Lily and Adam while I went hunting again. It made me extremely happy when Kenji came along.

"I don't know if you realize how big of a deal what you did for everyone is." The warmth in Kenji's voice made my entire being feel comforted.

"Big deal for them. Not for me. I am actually impressed that I didn't have to do much to your light." My compliment had Kenji kindly smiling.

"Hundreds of years mediating will do that."

We were running to the south, an area I hadn't yet been in. Kenji was going to try to feed me a rabbit himself; he'd use his ability on it as I fed. He warned me it might not be possible as I was still a newborn and my instincts for killing made me very protective and wild for my kills.

We ended up at a little rabbit farm; Kenji took two rabbits before the motion detecting lights could even come on. He had to hold on to the rabbit as I fed, otherwise he wouldn't be able to increase the blood volume of the small mammal. As soon as my teeth tore in to the small soft creature my senses were over taken with the threat of the vampire close by possibly taking it away. I ripped the animal from the threat, rabbit guts scattered all over the forest floor. A tiny amount of rabbit blood dribbled down my chin as rational thought came back to me.

"Sorry," I muttered. I had barely gotten anything from the critter. One long gulp and then I couldn't handle Kenji being so close.

We tried four more times to allow Kenji to give me a solid meal of rabbit blood. Each time had a similar outcome. I would yank away my prey from him and growl deep within my chest. I was frustrated, mostly. But also I was highly amused, I felt a little bit like a child poking at something an adult had told me to stop doing a long time ago.

"Perhaps in a few weeks we could try this again." He sighed.

"If you just let me hunt humans," I grumbled. Once again turning off the light responsible for my thirst, having had it on while feeding so I could actually appreciate the smooth texture of the blood.

We arrived back at the castle and I could see how much Lily had changed in the few hours we had been apart, it was astounding. The hybrids were amazing. Lily liked to change her eye color to her favorite color of the moment, which right now was an odd cream color, it was rather creepy. I suspected I felt that way mostly because she was so tiny.

Kenji and I had around 67 minutes with our children before we heard Alice call for us. She was all the way in the lower rooms of the castle, the area where servants would live, and probably had lived at one point.

Seeing how many immortals were gathered with my second sight gave me time to prepare myself so my newborn instincts didn't go overboard. Before we got to the room, we got side tracked. Ren was standing in the hallway and I could smell the stink of the wolf shape shifter all over her, I could even see his lights further down the hallway.

"Eva… Seth, he wanted to see you." She told me, her eyes still as lifeless and depressed as I had ever seen them. It was amazing she was even functioning. I supposed the upcoming battle and the potential for lives lost gave her something to be strong for.

Not speaking I looked to Kenji, but it was Adam that spoke, "You go see Uncle Seth, mummy, he's missed you a lot." I took a long soothing breath in of Adam's scent; it reminded me of a breezy day on a hilltop.

"We'll be inside waiting," Kenji lifted Adam from my arms and set him down. The little boy turned his blue eyes to me and smiled with approval before following after the retreating back of his father. Ren gave my arm a pat before going with them.

I was down the hall and standing in front of this Seth person I didn't remember in this life before a full second passed. He of course could hear me coming but that didn't stop him from gasping by my sudden movements.

He smelled so horridly I was instantly scanning his lights to find the culprit. The closer I looked at his lights the less I liked of them.

"You look… amazing Eva," He smiled at me. Trying briefly to find any emotions I must have had for this man, as evidenced by Ren's memories, I failed. So I focused on the memories she gave me.

"Thank you Seth." I muttered. I was unsure what to say to him, or what to do. I was still trying to figure out what part of the 700+ lights were the reason he smelled terribly, but in the mean time I turned off my sense of smell. It was uncomfortable not smelling the subtle things in the air, but it was better than smelling him.

The awkwardness stretched as I counted the seconds. Five went by before he spoke again, an eternity to me.

"You'll be happy to know I didn't imprint on Lily." He timidly smiled, I couldn't really tell if he was being serious or trying to joke with me.

"It doesn't make me unhappy." I replied simply. His face fell slightly and he nodded once, as if to himself. His posture changed slightly, shoulders rounding a bit and he didn't seem to want to look me in the eyes now.

"They told me you don't… that you don't remember any of us, not really." I nodded. "In a way I think that makes it easier for you… which I guess I am happy for."

While I couldn't agree with him or disagree as having no memories I couldn't tell what I was missing if anything. Although I was beginning to really wish for the memories from my perspective of Kenji and I; how we met… and well everything after that till I woke up as a vampire.

"I know you were-are," I corrected myself seeing his eyes darken in sadness at my words. "A good friend to me. And I wish I knew what to say, I know… the whole family is experiencing the grief over Jake and I am supposed to be a part of that, I feel like I am hurting everyone a little more because I don't remember."

"You aren't hurting anyone, so don't even," His voice cracked slightly under the emotional strain I was seeing bubble up. "I am just very very happy you are… alive." He nodded and then moved to embrace me. My eyes went wide and as he wrapped his arms around me my instincts to fling him away warred within me. I kept telling myself over and over that he was supposed to be a friend and ally. My animalistic nature however wasn't easily assuaged with words, and a low growl rolled through me.

Seth realized his mistake and released me, he had a rather cute embarrassed smile on his face as he took a few deliberate steps back. His smile changed while my growling stopped.

Suddenly he was laughing, not just a small chuckle, but full on bent over his knees laughing.

"I can't believe you just growled at me!" He managed to get out between breaths.

I smiled, realizing how silly it really was. I could remember my human life and I never would have imagined I would growl with that kind of intensity.

"It's odd that I am not even aware of why I do things like that… growl or hiss." I admitted.

"I am going to guess it's an instinctual thing." The smile faltered slightly as his eyes looked deeply into mine. He was searching for something in my bright red eyes.

He took a long deep breath as if to calm himself, I could hear the rush of the air go in to his lungs and I found it creepy I could hear the inner workings of his body so well. "Eva I-," A thought occurred to me just then, and my face must have changed drastically as Seth interrupted his own sentence, "What is it?" he asked concerned.

I heard Edward stifle a chuckle from the other room and Emmett instantly started begging Edward to tell them what was so funny.

"I just… I can hear everything going on inside of you," I said the clear disgust and awe in my voice caused Seth to become worried. "I just… I lived with a household full of vampires for almost three years…" at this point my revelations were barely coming out as a whisper, Seth face instantly became amused understanding where I was going with this. I realized that with this understanding and the surge of embarrassment human me would have been blushing, but I wasn't so I was just staring past Seth's shoulders looking at the off cream color of the wall across from me.

I was completely aghast with what they had to have heard. Because I didn't know Seth that well I wondered if he was sympathetic to my new understanding or if he found it humorous.

"Well if it helps any, I know they only placed bets on five occasions on how much you'd fart in your sleep." He told me with a very convincing air of sincerity.

Instantly I heard many others laughing in the other room, my son and daughters laughter stood out among the group. However I was not amused and I glared at Seth.

"They WHAT?" I barked, my fury building. Thinking about me sleeping while the Cullen's made bets on my bodily functions.

"He's joking," Bella said, she sounded annoyed.

"Mostly," Emmett snickered.

Seth must have been able to tell I was about to go in there and throttle that big oaf, because he called my attention back to what he was going to say before I realized the living situation I was in.

"Eva, this might be the last time I get to see you… alone for a… while," He stumbled so heavily on the last word I wondered exactly how often he and I had been alone before.

"I know you don't, and probably won't ever understand what I am going to tell you, but I do owe it to you. I gave you a really hard time about Kenji, and more times than I care to admit I made things between us worse," he gave a small mirthful chuckle, "Hell I think sometimes I had a talent for knowing the wrong thing to say and then actually saying it. I want to apologize for ever making you feel like you owed me anything, or for ever making you sad."

His large brown eyes were trying to see into me. I knew what he was seeing too, bright red blood eyes that probably held no discernable emotion. And truthfully the only emotion he was evoking in me was impatience. But as he spoke them, I thought on his words, he was trying to make amends for something.

"Seth," I took a long breath in, reminding myself to be gentle. I did not remember him, Ren showed me things, but that wasn't enough to get a solid feel for what my actual feelings for Seth were. But he cared deeply about me, without my memories I could at very least try to understand his position, even if I didn't actually care about it, "I don't think you have any need to apologize. I am sure I forgave you when I could remember exactly what it is you are referring to, that's just who I am." I lied.

I may forgive people, but most times I would still hold the grudge of what they did in my heart. I doubted Seth had ever done anything serious enough to me that would warrant me to pay him back for anything.

With the bright lights of the vampires thirst off, the gathering did not seem so stressful for me. I stood with Lily in my arms and Kenji to my left, Adam was sitting on a table top next to me, leaning in to my side. The others; Kate, Garrett, Eleazar, Benjamin, Tia, Siobhan, Liam, Maggie, Toji and Shizuka were on Kenji's left going in a circle. Ren, Edward, Bella, Seth, Rosalie, Emmett, Alice, Jasper, Esme, Carlisle, Tanya, and Ichiro were standing to my right. Ichiro was furthest away, which made me more comfortable, I almost wanted to thank him for being further away, but perhaps it wasn't a planned action of his.

"So the update is I have been seeing Zhan changing a lot of people, or deciding to. She had mostly given up the use of werewolves, as they are much more difficult for her to utilize, they are much more chaotic and volatile." I could hear the disgust in Alice's voice, I briefly wondered at her ability. How detached from witnessing those being changed was she?

Carlisle spoke up immediately, "Do we know where she is or what she plans do with this new group?"

Edward takes in a sharp breath, "Not a group, so much as an army. What Toji and Alice are seeing is closer to an army."

Garrett, Liam, and Jasper all look displeased with this information, much more than most others in the room. I had heard Garrett mention he'd been in the American Revolution, perhaps he could as well as the others who've been in battle see the destruction a human army could do.

"She is in Mongolia now. Before the hybrids just blurred my visions out some, it looked like she was changing roughly 10 a day. I doubt she is able to control more than that at a time from when they finish changing to where her ability can control them."

"10 a day?!" Kate sounded wounded, defeated almost.

I wasn't worried for my own safety; unless Ichiro was around I was very aware of how to stop others from harming me. Manipulating those lights would not be a problem.

"If we go find her now, it will decrease the size of her forces, simply by preventing her from changing more." Jasper said what we all must have thought. Esme and Carlisle recoiled at the thought. Bella looked worriedly from Edward to her daughters face.

"She'll know we are coming, I am sure she would have sent newborns out to keep watch for their camp." Ichiro was only partially right.

"Not really," I mutter thinking about my lights. I see Edwards look of appreciation. Kenji's fresh baked bread scent washed over me as he draped an arm over my shoulders. The weight of his arm registers but does not affect me in the slightest. "I can see lights three miles away. If we approach down wind I can spot those on watch and…" Then what? I realized I hadn't thought that far through.

"I go in and take them out. We would have to pair up for this of course." Shizuka gave me a cheerful smile, her eyes however had a catty quality I didn't like.

"This will be a battle." Kenji sighed, "We have 43 vampires to their 122, at last best guess."

"3 to 1 odds…" Benjamin murmured. Something about the way everyone seems to tense up bothers me.

"When do we leave?" I ask, already wanting this whole ordeal over.

"We can't be hasty," Carlisle gently said.

"You were just espousing to me the importance of human life, and why you eat animals. Yet you want to delay going to destroy this person who has and is causing massive amounts of destruction?" The irritation and bitterness in my tone are easy to hear.

"We just don't want to go in without a plan." Siobhan adds.

"Plan or no plan, what we are facing will end up being chaos. There is no one here that doesn't have something to lose." When Toji speaks I briefly feel like he is pulling some sort of string that I cannot see, but since he seems to be on my side about this I let it go.

"First we have to decide what to do with the hybrids," Ren says.

It doesn't take much of the conversation to realize that Ren will have to take Lily, and Adam back to Washington with her and Seth to keep them safe. I don't want to part with them. But I know it would be for the best, if I have to fight to kill this Zhan I will need to have no distractions about whether or not my children are protected.

"It won't be completely 3-1," Ichiro adds after we all agree where the hybrids will be safest. I see Kenji smile and Shizuka barked out a pretty giggle. "Otousan… perhaps we could use the armory for once?" I see the excitement in Ichiro's eyes and suddenly everyone seems to be interested in this idea.

I however am I little confused, seeing this Kenji explains.

"I can make weapons from the strongest most harmful material to vampires… I shape vampire teeth in to swords and daggers." Emmett gives a loud whoop of excitement. Kenji seems to think the attention is amusing so he picks up Adam and gestures to the group. We follow him at a normal vampire speed and arrive at a 4th sub basement of the castle. Ichiro brushes past me temporarily blinding my second sight as he passes, he walks up to a fairly solid looking wall made of granite and digs his hand into the material as if it were clay. Watching I could see him strain to lift something, and knowing that Ichiro is literally the strongest vampire known to exist it is rather impressive.

"This is very dense rock," Benjamin ran his hands all along the rough carved out walls of the tunnel.

"Can you sense how hard it was for Kenji to carve?" Shizuka pops up behind Benjamin, her black hair glinting in the minimal light provided by the stairway behind us.

"It wasn't easy," the Egyptian laughs pulling his hand away to look at Kenji.

"It took me around 230 years to carve this out, and 180 of those were when Kaneyasu was around to boost my ability." The sad dip in his voice around his masters' name brings a little ache to my heart, knowing Kenji lost someone so dear. Then again Kenji only had time to tell me that Kaneyasu had changed him and was Ichiro's real father, but all the same he meant a lot to my Kenji.

Ichiro managed to lift what I quickly estimate is 2 tons of solid rock and slide it a good 18 inches, providing entrance to a little room. Most of us cannot fit in there, but of course most of the men push forward so they can get a look. Of course Kenji is excitedly at the front showing Adam a nice looking dagger.

Armory is a rather misleading word for this room, I decide. The alcove is about a 6x6 room, with a table that runs along the back edge. The entire room has eight weapons in it, nine if you count the sai's.

"Each one of these weapons, used properly, will triple your lethality. You would not have to grapple with an opponent." Jasper gave a low whistle after Kenji explained, showing the short katana to him. I can feel the threat each of these weapons pose, knowing how sharp our own teeth are, having a sword with such a long reach sends an uneasy chill up my body.

Kenji gathered all of the weapons, and we formed a tight group in the narrow rock corridor. Ichiro had pulled his abilities influence in as far as he could, but even so it still blanked out my second sight in this area.

"How do we decide who gets a weapon?" Maggie speaks up looking at the long sword Kenji examines.

"Those with the weakest fighting skills should have them, and be paired with a better fighter to keep them both safer." Tia suggests.

There is some disagreement about whom should wield the weapons. Some think that those that are the strongest weapon users should have them, protecting others better. But eventually everyone agrees that those weakest fighting hand to hand should have them. I grin in self satisfaction as I am not even considered to need a weapon. My ability is more than enough of a weapon for me to fight with.

Kenji and I separate from the group, after seeing Adam's eyes water slightly we know it is time to be alone with our children. After all tomorrow night they will be on a plane headed for the safety of the Quileute tribe and we have no idea when the next time we will see them will be.

I spend some time alone with Lily, telling her stories about my own mum, and about my life before she disappeared. I tell her about my life, and about myself, as much as I can remember anyway. She smiles at the right spots and makes a laughing happy sound when I tell a funny story. She is somber when I tell her about the life after my mum had left.

"Lily, I don't want to you worry about me or your father." She smiles, her eyes bright blue again. "I'll protect him, and we'll see you as soon as we have taken care of that horrible woman." My little girl has such an expressive face and every emotion that flickers across it, I wonder if the feelings I have are the same my mum had when looking at me.

Her tiny hand reaches to touch some of my hair, like Adam does.

I start humming a song that Alice had played in the house earlier. Once the melody was in my head the lyrics for the song resurfaced in my memory like they had never left.

"Dream a little dream of me…" by time I finished the song, my daughter was crying slightly, and I was certain they were happy tears, because if I could cry, that's what mine would have been.

.~.

.~.

AN: I wrote what I thought would be the last chapter (37) rather hurriedly. I am going to have to redo most of it to make it smoother. Not all questions will be answered in the last chapter, but like life not all answers are readily put out there for us. At this time I do not know if there will be a third installment of Panthalassa. When I first got the idea (it was actually a vivid dream) for Evangeline's story I knew where it would end up, I knew the ending much before I knew the journey to get there. So writing another installment when it was never part of my outline will take some thinking. For now, review, let me know what you think of the chapter, let me know what you think will happen, what you want to have happen, or anything else you are curious about. PM's and reviews are always welcome.

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